Why being HSP (highly-sensitive person) and Addiction go hand in hand

Hi guys, I'm Jess. I am a relationship and dating coach, and the focus is on conscious relationship, which means that you focus first on your relationship with your own self. And the way that you relate to your own self then has an impact on every other relationship and every other thing really in your life. So today we're going to talk about why highly sensitive people can be more at risk for addiction. So people who are addicts have been really wild— widely misunderstood, like wildly, wildly and widely misunderstood, because addiction is not a moral failing. And if you want to learn more about addiction, the truth about addiction, look up Gabor Mate and look at and listen to some of the things that he speaks on in terms of addiction. Because what I believe the truth to be is that people who struggle, struggle with addiction are highly sensitive and have a difficult time feeling safe and soothing themselves. Right. Which is usually the result of some past trauma that they've experienced. But what can happen is the person who doesn't know how to soothe themselves then develop some kind of a coping strategy outside of themselves, whether it's drugs, alcohol, love, food, gambling, sex, technology. It's anything, right? Anything outside of themselves that helps to take them out of what they're feeling inside, which is usually pain, grief, sadness, anger, fear. And so if you are struggling with addiction, I want you to know that it is not a result of your character, and it doesn't mean that something is inherently wrong with you, which I think is a lot of the messaging. What it means is that you've just had a hard time soothing yourself. You're highly sensitive. You pick up everything. You feel everything. Some of it may be yours, some of it may not. You may be picking up the energy of your neighbor, of the person you're driving beside on the freeway, of the energy of the world as a whole right now, right? So if you are struggling with addiction, the way out is actually to turn inward and start to tend to the root of what's driving the addiction in the first place, right? So the addictive pattern is going outside of ourselves to try to soothe, to try to feel better, to to try to regulate, really. And the healing comes from going and turning back within and actually tending to what am I running from? What am I experiencing that is so uncomfortable that it's having me reach over here, reach over there, reach over here? Okay, so someone, they always start a freaking lawnmower when I'm doing videos, but I'm gonna keep recording because you know what, life is not perfect and these recordings do not have to be perfect. So— oh good, it's getting even louder. Anyway, I swear I always joke about this, like every time I make a video this happens. It's okay, I'm gonna post it anyway. As a recovering perfectionist, and I consider myself to be an addict These kinds of things are really hard for me. That noise in the background is really overstimulating and it makes me lose my train of thought. And if you are highly sensitive, you will probably notice that it is hard to keep your focus on something, especially when there are distractions going on in the background. So this is perfect. Thank you, life, for orchestrating this moment for this video. I hope that it turns down soon though so that you can hear me. But if you are struggling with any kind of addictive pattern, um, my personal flavor of it was love addiction. So if you have questions about that, there are not a lot of people who specialize in love addiction. So if you need some support with that, please reach out. Happy to chat with you. You can book a call with me. Um, I will be doing a free webinar at the end of the month that is going to focus on healing at the root So that includes any kind of addictive patterns, because how we do one thing is how we do all things. So whatever pattern is showing up in life is going to have an impact on every single area of our lives, right? So if you're dealing and struggling with addiction, there is a period of abstinence that's needed from the addictive thing. But unless you have something to replace it with, you're going to be white-knuckling it and it's going to be really hard, if not impossible. So you want to have some support in place as you decide to rewire and actually heal this addictive coping mechanism, right? Which is really what it is. It's just addiction is maladaptive coping mechanisms. So we want to have a period of abstinence to reset the nervous system. Not, not to punish you, right, by taking something away, but to give your body and your nervous system a chance to recalibrate without this external thing that is actually causing more harm than helping. And the thing with addiction is that it's progressive, right? So what that really means is that the way that we relate to ourselves and the world, if we do not consciously work on healing and shifting it will get more and more ingrained in our minds, right? So if we have a mind that's filled with fear, or a mind that's filled with shame, or a mind that's filled with guilt, it's going to be so painful to exist in the world that we're going to have to go outside of ourselves to try to feel better and feel some kind of relief. So you're not alone if you're struggling, and there is a way out, but it's actually going within, but you do not have to do this alone. So I would strongly suggest if you're struggling with addiction to look into 12-step recovery programs. They have one for every addiction you could think of. They have online meetings, they have in-person meetings depending on the city that you're in. And then also having some one-on-one support is super, super important because in order to rewire we actually need to have new experiences of safety within ourselves and then safety with other people who feel safe, right? So anyway, this is, this is a more complex topic, but basically in order to work on healing our addictive patterns, we need to get to the root of what it is that we've been running from with the addictive pattern, right? So when we put down the thing whatever it is, or maybe it's a person, or maybe it's food, or maybe it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, all of the different addictive things that we can have, and there's many— technology— then we need to be with what comes up when we put those things down. But we want to have support in place, right? And 12-step programs are really, really helpful because there is a formula that exists within them that if practiced will guide you to peace within yourself and guide you to a new way of life. But I do not believe that that is all that is needed. I think there is more that's needed because what we need to do is really approach it from the standpoint of our mental health, our thinking minds, our emotional health, the health of our body, the somatic piece. Which is huge, right? If we don't feel safe in our body, then we're not gonna feel safe in the mind. When we feel these distressing, fearful emotions, it's gonna trigger thinking patterns in the mind, and we're gonna spiral, and we're gonna reach for whatever the addictive thing is to try to feel better. And then also the most important piece is the spiritual piece, which is believing that there's something greater than you, greater than your human self operating in your life that is guiding and supporting you even if we can't see it. Okay, so these are the components of healing from addiction. So if you're struggling, please feel free to reach out. And I also wanted to share with you that I'm going to be doing a webinar, as I mentioned earlier. Um, it's going to be this Saturday, so if you're watching this in real time, the webinar is going to be this Saturday at 4 PM Pacific time. And you'll be sent the recording, but I really suggest coming live because I'm going to have some special offers for people who come in live. I support individuals and couples in healing patterns that are at the root, right? Because there's so much that we can do. We can run around trying to find the external thing that's going to heal us, but really we heal us. But we need to be able to touch whatever it is that needs healing. So life will continue to show us whatever it is that we need healing around. Life's really generous like that, as my mentor Amma would say. Life is real generous and it'll keep showing us whatever we need healing around. So let's look at, with a lot of love and gentleness and compassion, what is showing up in your life that is feeling like it's not supporting you. What are patterns that you've noticed? Maybe in dating, are you dating the same person in a different body, or are you noticing a pattern of overextending, overgiving, trouble receiving? What are the patterns that kind of show up for you across the board? And if you need help identifying those, I can help you. That's what I specialize in truly, is getting to the root of what it is that's driving these patterns and identifying the patterns so that you can then finally shift them and have a new experience. Because if we don't know what the patterns are, we can't change them, right? We pay a heavy price for not doing our inner work, and the price is that we can't change anything. We can't change our life, our life circumstances, because as within, so without, right? So the way that we are thinking and relating to others in the world is going to show up in our external, believe it or not. So as we shift our internal experience, as we start to feel safer in our bodies, we start to shift our thinking patterns and perceptions. Our outer world then shifts. So whatever the problem is that's going on in your life, the answer is always to turn within and get some support in healing and rewiring so that you can have a new experience. It is never too late. You can start your life over at any time, in any moment. I've had so many moments where I had to start over again, and it's just part of life. It's part of the gig. We're all human here. No one's better or worse. We all struggle with, with the human experience sometimes. So anyway, let me know if you guys have questions about this. I'm going to share this on YouTube, and I'm going to also share on my Instagram. If you want to follow me on Instagram, my handle is Coach Jess Hendrick, and my website is jesshendrick.com. You can learn a little, learn a little more about me, why I do what I do, how I support individuals and couples. And if you'd like more information, book a connection call, 15-minute call, or you can just jump in and do a session. Why not? What do you have to lose? So super excited to keep sharing more with you guys, and thank you if this is helpful for liking and subscribing, and please share this video if you found it helpful, and I will look forward to seeing you guys again so soon.