Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong People (It's Not YourFault!)
Your childhood wounds create subconscious beliefs that shape who you attract. The mind operates on 95% autopilot, seeking familiar pain over what you actually want. Identifying your repeating patterns is the first step to rewiring these deep beliefs and breaking the cycle.
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If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting the same relationship dynamics over and over again, I want you to know that it's not your fault. It's actually programming in your subconscious mind that's having you seek what's familiar. Let me explain. Between the ages of 0 and 7, we decide our core beliefs about the world. Anytime we've experienced a high state of negative emotion, the subconscious stores it in the mind in order to try to protect us from that very thing in the future, and it ties it to a belief. So it's really interesting because between 0 and 7, we can go through these experiences and create these imprints, these mental imprints in the brain, and these beliefs that then we play out for the rest of our lives. Unless we bring them to the light and start to work with them. We might have beliefs like, I'm not lovable, or I have to do everything alone, or I have to be perfect to be loved, or it happens for everybody else but it doesn't happen for me, or I'm not worthy, or people always leave. Whatever the beliefs are, they are stored in our subconscious, and we are actually going to project them out onto the world and then react to them. So we'll project out the belief, I'm not worthy, and we could have 100 people in front of us and 99% of them would reflect back our level of worthiness, but we'll find the one, we'll find the one that confirms that belief in our subconscious that I'm not worthy. So what do we do about this? Well, first we have to bring it to the light because so many of us don't realize that the subconscious mind is responsible for over 95% of our day-to-day functioning. So if we have a desire that we want to have a healthy relationship, but then we have a subconscious belief that relationships or intimacy is not safe, then we will keep recreating that same loop to prove ourselves right over and over again, because the protection in the brain is going to override that desire. The subconscious mind doesn't seek what you want. It seeks what's familiar. It's drawn towards what is familiar. And here's why this is so important: we will keep recreating these beliefs over and over again, right? So if we have an abandonment wound, for example, we will actually subconsciously behave in the very way that will result in people leaving. It can sound a little scary, but it's actually important because if we don't know these things, we're not aware of them, we're going to keep recreating them. So The first step is really bringing it to the light. What's the experience that you keep having? What's the pattern that keeps playing on repeat, like a bad movie? One of my clients said, he's like, I'm ready to stop watching the same movie over and over again. So what's your movie? What's your story? What keeps showing up in your life over and over again? That will give us an indication of what some of your subconscious beliefs are. Here's the other thing: life will keep showing us wherever we need healing. This is not bad or wrong, but if we keep having the same experience and it's creating pain, it's because that pain within us really wants to be supported, really wants to be healed, really wants to actually alchemize and shift so that you can have a new experience. Life loves you so much that it will keep showing you, look over here, this is where we need some healing, we need some attention here. Can you be loving to that part of you rather than making it wrong? Once we start working with these beliefs, the thing that's really beautiful is we start to be able to prune away some of these beliefs. We start to have some space where before we thought they were the ultimate truth, now we realize, oh my gosh, this is just my perception based on my past experiences, based on my life. But what if there's a new opportunity? What if there's a new way to experience life? What if I can shift out my mental filter and then shift my experience of the world? Because you can. So as we do some of this work, we actually prune away some of the old wiring in the brain that's creating evidence for these stories, and then we step into some new wiring, a new way of experiencing the world. Once we uncover the beliefs that aren't serving us, we actually get to have some agency over them, and we get to decide, do I want to keep telling this story? Is this narrative really serving me? If it's not, then what story do I want to tell? What do I want to experience? This is a big part of the work that I do with my clients, and this is a big part of why this work is different than traditional talk therapy, because we have to get to the root of what's going on. We can play all day long in the surface level of things. We can adjust this surface level and adjust this thing, but guess what? What's operating at the root is still going to be what's happening. So we'll fix this surface level thing and it'll show up over here. So we'll leave this relationship and we'll go over here and we'll have a similar experience because wherever we go, there we are. We're bringing our mental filter with us wherever we go. If you're finding yourself in a loop or in a certain pattern that you can't seem to shift, it's okay. It's all part of it. It's wanting to be healed. It's wanting to be shifted. So I want you to know that it's totally possible to rewire your brain and have an entirely new experience, no matter how long you've been playing the same movie. If this resonated with you, please hit like and share, and I'll be back soon with more tips.
