Conversations Podcast 1

Conversations podcast. How do you like that, Lisa?

You know what? I've been waiting for this day for so long. Can you pinch me and see?

I am good. Is it real or what? Yeah. Conversation powered by just talking. Lisa listen. You must be the Lisa listen part.

You must be the jest.

I am that party. You know what? We're gonna do some big thank yous right away to get this thing started before we even tell everybody what the show's gonna be about. Huge, huge, huge thank you to Scott Whitney, the director and technical specialist and advisor right here in the studio.

He demand.

He is it. Yes, yes. Vegas video. That's. That's. You know, we wouldn't be here without him. You know.

Absolutely.

This guy's a smooth talker too.

Yes. He.

He got a little bit of moonwalk in him. You can. You know why? Because you, you are a. As they say in my neighborhood, use a blue eyed soul brother.

Look at him over there doing the moon.

That's what he dancing off the scene over there, distracting me. So no, Scott is super awesome. So glad to be here with him and teamed up with him. It's a great partnership and it's so, so marvelous to meet people not just that are like minded, but that are just energetic, entertaining. You know the best part about Scott? For me.

For you what?

The boy will tell you the truth.

And you can tries not to try not.

I can. You. You can't handle the truth. Son, we live in a world with walls. Those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do it? You?

You?

Lieutenant Weinberg? You better stop me because you know. I know.

Oh, my God. Oh my God. Where is Lou when I need him?

Louis Gossett Jr. Yeah. So we're going to thank Scott Whitney and also Ruth Furman, the PR firm that you so specially hired. And the name of her firm was it Image, Words, Communication?

That's correct.

Ruth Furman is a superstar and she knows it.

Yeah, she's bad to the bone.

And. And then finally, we want to thank Lacey and Chris from the Cerrone show because if they weren't as good at podcasting as they are, we might not be here. We might still be on the radio. We shifted platforms mostly because of their magic.

Well, so thank you, Chris and Lacey.

Absolutely. So now let's talk about the show. This is our inaugural show, so our very first show, and we think it's going to be one of many. You think?

Do I think? We just signed an annual contract, so. I know, baby, we are in it. To win it.

Another thing about Scott, he's from the neighborhood. He's like, we gonna get paid. Like mo money. Mo money, mo money. That's how Scott is. He's nice guy, but mo money. So no, it's all good. So we're celebrating the 10th anniversary of the book, my book, how youw Leave Them Feeling.

Yes, indeed.

Isn't that cool?

And we have something to give our listeners.

We do wanna give them something. Before we give them that, I do wanna say I wanna do a special shout out to Cher Weldon Jones and Ann Lee. And Lee is the owner of the Lee Group, a marketing, publicity advertising firm in Houston. After I sent the book to Canada, Vancouver, Canada, to get copy edited, I wasn't 100% happy with what that looked like. So I teamed up with these two ladies and we copy edited the copy editor. And so we made it so it was a readable book that people would enjoy. So thank you to them. That's a shout out. Right?

And happy birthday, Cher Weldon, I must say.

Yeah, yeah. She's a super one. She's so special. She's so special.

Yes.

And she knows it. Right. So what that means is. Oh yes, the 10th anniversary. So we're going to give away. What, what are we giving away?

We are go. If you go to jesstalk.com right now and fill out your information, we will send you a free ebook which is valued at $9.95 because we are celebrating the 10 year anniversary and we want to give you something today.

Are you giving this away for.

I'm giving it free. I'm giving it away for free. Yes.

How are we gonna pay the bills?

We'll figure that out after we get. Give away a few free books.

We'll see who calls.

Right.

So no, that's really cool. So that is a good, nice little gift because it's an unbelievable book that has helped so many people. Right now it's sold over 8,000 copies and still counting self published. Well, you know, here's the cool thing, the best part about this. Did you know in 2004 when the research was done, most books. Well, let me put this, put it this way. There were 1.2 million book titles that came out that year. 994,000 of those books never saw a reprint and never sold more than 1200 copies, no matter who published them.

Wow.

So to sell, I mean, there's some books that have sold like Harry Potter. I mean those are gazillion. And a lot of the. John Grisham. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but the Grisham books, they sell in the millions. But even to get out into the multiple thousands of selling books is a big deal by bookstanders.

All right, well, can I give you a pat on the back?

No, I just wanted people to know I don't want to talk about me anymore. That's enough. So what else do we want to talk to them about?

Well, we are so happy to be in the podcasting world and happy that we are on May 1st celebrating, let's see, Nevada Business magazine. There's a little sneak peek of some items in there for Jesse from Ruth again and Conversations. Not only do we have a conversation on air, but we hold a monthly conversation, live in person. That is a way to give back to the community. And that's going to be May 19, and that's by special invitation only.

Very nice.

So if you're interested, you can go to thevegasvideonetwork.com live and chat with us, and we will give you the information and invitation to the next Conversations event, which again, is our way of giving back to the community.

That is going to be really, really cool. That's really cool. Well, talk to them about how the whole premise of conversation. Let's share with them how that got started.

Well, you and I were sitting there thinking about what can we do to give back to the community, to the people that may not be able to necessarily afford coaching.

Well, you know, I think that's true, but it was also about honoring the gift, Correct? The gift of being able to truly, from an innate core level with a great deal of authenticity, really help people that might find themselves stuck or trapped or. Or confused or lost, Whatever we thought, you know, is this gift ours or is it for us to share? What about the people that can't afford it? What about the people that don't even know about it?

Correct.

So the once a month program on Conversations was to celebrate the gift.

Yes.

And that has gone incredibly well in terms of the people that have shown up there to create an empowering conversation. There hasn't been one time where there was four or 14 where the people didn't walk away having their needs met. I mean, mention some of the things, if you will, about. You don't have to tell a long story, but about some of the concerns that people had and how they were helped by the process.

Well, there was one person that again came there and we thought that we didn't reach her at all and calls us six months later and said, I would love to become your client.

I Remember that? And in fact, she was that particular conversation. We had 12 people in the room.

Yes.

And I remember thinking at the end of that, I actually felt bad because I felt that we were boring, that we bored her, that we weren't interested or stimulated, and that that particular context didn't work for her. She nodded every now and then. She said, yes, and thanks. She had one word answers. But she was, as it turns out, she was the one in the room that was most effective because her life at the time had unraveled or had been unraveled for some time. And everything that happened in that conversation was resonating with her. But the challenge was she didn't know how to tell her face right. And that was one of the things that she improved dramatically. In fact, she won client of the year because of the dramatic work that she did. And she's the one that did the work.

And she didn't know what she didn't know until you start peeling back the layers with people to see. They don't even know. Sometimes they lose their voice. They don't know where to even begin.

You're exactly right. Her voice was stolen from. In fact, she was in a session and she was telling us after she had progressed about how happy she was and how excited it was. And I looked at her, I said, are you ever going to tell your face?

Right?

Because I remember hearing these words come out of your mouth, but your face is not telling us.

I remember that.

And then we uncovered that that, too was a cover. And she didn't even realize that she was saying it, but she wasn't expressing it. Yeah, but my God, does she express herself now?

You know what? I want to ask her if she'd be open to being a guest on this show so that she can tell her own story. And that's. So stay tuned for that, because I will. I've been in. I have a sales background. I have a way of getting what I want.

You can get what you want from people. And she can come on in here with her purple hair and pink hair and whatever color she wants to put on that hair.

She can be the creative person that she is.

She's a bad member Jamma now.

Yes, she is.

You know what? That. What you talking about, Willis? You know what a bad mama jama is? That's Scott. What's a bad mama jama? That's it. That's it.

And I don't know if the audience heard that, but Scott said you, brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Scott knows all the words, too.

Yes, he does.

He's good. So, yeah, that's. So that. That is actually one of the ways that people can totally be helped. You know what the biggest thing, though? When they come to this space that we create, it's a safe place to come and tell the truth.

Yes.

That's what really gives people that opportunity to really be who they are, however they are. In this particular client's case or before she was a client, how she was is how she was, and she didn't realize that she wasn't. She was trapped in her own self. So. And the problem associated with that was, you tell it childhood. Go ahead and finish it.

Her mother suppressed her, and if she ever did show emotion, she was told not to.

Correct. So that wasn't ladylike.

She became this person that was expressionless, that was emotionless, and just sat there like a bump on a log just to please her mother. And she never got beyond it in her marriage.

Right. I was gonna say. Then she. She extended that to the relationships that she would choose would be men that would want the same thing from her. So it was perpetuated.

Exactly.

Until she discover, wait a minute, there's a me in here. Yes, I want me. When she said, I want me, she went forward, and that was really all there was.

There was no stopping her. And that, just like McFadden and Whitehead.

Said, ain't no stopping us now.

There you go.

You know, all the stuff. You know, all the words, you know, all the good people, all the lyrics.

Yeah, well, you know, so that's really good. So I'm showing my age now, Jeff.

You are, but that's okay. Now we should take a look at the chat room to see if anybody's on there. I haven't looked at that yet. Lisa, have you taken a look to see.

You know, I had told people to text, so if you'll bear with me. So we'll be doing the phone is blowing up.

We'll do texting, and we'll do the chat room. But in the future, we'll get them on the chat room.

Yes, we will. Yes, we will.

But while you're looking for chats, what I want to then say then, is that the whole piece, the whole jewel in this is to have an empowering conversation. To have just a conversation that's real, authentic, and there's juice flowing through it, and it resonates and connects with you where you're at. In fact, when we do our work, we like to say we meet people where they're at.

Absolutely.

We meet them where they're at. And then we. Then we ask them the number one question, what do you want?

Well, how about when you and I first started coaching, okay. And you would ask me questions, and I would just look at you, right? And you'd go, okay, now's the time you're supposed to talk, right.

This would be a good time to have language.

And I said. And I didn't know what to say because my voice was suppressed.

And you didn't even realize that you didn't know what to say because you were so used to shutting down, much like the lady that we talked about earlier.

So when you would say something and I would say, I'd shrug my shoulders and I wouldn't even know what to say.

And then I would say, we're going. I'm going to sit here until some words come out of your mouth because I know you're going to.

Or you would say, you know, most people would say something like ABC or D, E, F, G. Right? This is what you might want to say right now. And so you actually filled my world back up with words to start forming sentences all over again.

And all that really was you. But having understanding that you have the permission and the right to say what's on your mind. People don't have to like everything you say, and you're going to do it in such a smooth and eloquent fashion anyway. But you were so used to being shut down and your voice was blocked, so why give it. And you start to live your life from a why should I express myself? Please. I bet there's a lot of people out there listening to this right now that find themselves shut down for all kind of reasons.

And you know what? There's hope. Because if it could happen to me and it was suppressed for 10 years and I got my voice back, you can, too.

Absolutely. So what are some of the things you think that people suffer with the most in terms of why they're the way they are, in terms of not feeling like they have a voice?

Fear.

Fear of judgment.

Fear of judgment. Insecurities. Image. What do you want to say?

Well, they have an image they want to keep. Let's explain what that is. They have an image they want to keep up with. This is the word we borrow from super camp. That was incredible. And it is fear of image. It's a new word called image. When you have image, you're afraid to be who you really are. You're being who you think you want others to want you to be, to live into that image, to Be accepted. And a lot of that comes from childhood, always. Because when you're a kid, always, you're seeking to fit in so you have someone to play with and hang out. And if you think of teenagers these days, they're number one. Number one people in a teenager's life are their friends. They don't even think about the roof over their head or the parents, you know, busting their backs to give them what they want and put food on.

The table and how powerful words are.

Words are very, very powerful.

They go to school, they get bullied, somebody says, you look ugly, those shoes you're wearing, don't ever wear them again. And those words stick with you and you never lose them, and they affect your whole life.

Do you remember the saying, I want you to finish this. Sticks and stones may. Let me back up. Sticks and stones, Mr. I get paid by the word. You pay now. Okay, sorry, sorry. I got a little off.

Stones may break my bones, but words.

Will never hurt me. That's a lie. Words can destroy people. A single word can destroy a whole life as you know it. And the manifestation of that problem is typically happens when you're going along seeking to fit in and something happens and you say, there's something wrong here. And then you look around and you say, there's something that's wrong is me. I don't fit in. I don't belong.

Can you speak personally to something that someone said to you that affected you and it took you years to get over it?

You know? Yes, actually, I can. That's a beautiful question. Let's go back to the early 60s, late 50s, early 60s when I was raised. I lived in an oppressive society at the time where the rules and laws actually were very different than they are today. And people that look like me were not pretty dominant in that environment. And in order to assimilate or fit in, I did whatever I thought I could do. When I looked out and I saw that something was wrong and I wanted to fit in, I decided I'm going to be the best at everything. I'm going to be the best basketball player, and I'm going to be the straight A student. I'm going to be in the band. I'm going to be. I was everything to all people, all the times, tirelessly. I did that to fit in. And I took it even one step further to make sure I got to stay in the group. I'm going to be the leader of all these groups. Because if I'm the leader, it's hard to kick me out of the group, if I'm the leader. Okay, but all that was was an expression to fit in. My perfectionist mentality caused me to just destroy inside and not have enough bandwidth for the things that matter most in life.

Okay, but going back to the word, was there a word that somebody said to you that.

Can I say that? Can I say that word on air? I don't typically use this word. It was the word, hey, nigger.

Okay?

That was the word, all right? And that actually came from all facets that typically for me, it came from the Caucasian world, which I was trying to symbolize, assimilate into. And it made me feel like I didn't belong and that I was less than. And in order for me to get over that, I decided that I would never let anybody make me feel that way again. Even at age 17, I chose that that word was not going to apply to me no matter who said it or how they said it.

But they said that at what age?

Well, that started at age 5.

But it took you till age 17 to get over it?

Well, no, it took me till age 17 to understand the dynamics of it and then how to deal with it. I was called in my high school principal's office and he says, do you know why I called you in here? I said, no, sir. He says, I called you in here because I want you to know you're the smartest black kid we have in this school. And something turned on in me in that side when he said that inside of me. And I said, you know what? I need to be responsible for this because this is supposed to be a compliment. I said, Mr. Cornella, with all due respect, I appreciate that compliment. But what I really want you to know is that I don't compete just against black kids. I said, in two years time, I'll be leaving your school. I'll be competing against the world. Of all people. What I'm most proud of is that I am number 10 in my graduating class.

And he said, he just looked at me.

But you know what he did after that?

What's that?

Anytime they were out of school, out of teachers, substitute teachers in the district, he would remove me from all my classes and place me as a substitute teacher. So something that I said in there must have resonated with him. And I never defended what was said to me after that. Okay, how does that leave you feeling?

That's pretty strong. That's pretty strong. Yes. I see that we have Christian here. He's followed our radio show and he's thrilled that Jesse and Lisa are back on the air.

Nice.

You engage me in a way that I have not been able to achieve through medicine or professional doctors.

Wow, Christian, you are bad to the bone out there. I remember that Christian, he was on, I think about three or four episodes before the season ended in radio. And Christian, he came on and had a few challenges and he was actually, in fact, he was moved by some of the laser coaching moments. He participated in a laser coaching moment.

That's right.

So, Christian, thank you for sneaking into the chat room and welcoming us and following us over to podcast from the radio show. And a big shout out to Danny Vegas right now.

And I just engaged with Danny and hopefully he'll come back with us and we'll have something, some little chit chat going on.

So Danny's too. Yeah. Danny, you know what you are? You are top class, first class. What is it? Men of business. That's what he is, isn't he? Doesn't he represent men of business?

Yes, he does.

We want to shout out to you, Danny, because you do some wonderful things for the community and some extraordinary things for men. The biggest thing about Danny, heart of gold. I do not know how his chest does not burst because of the size of that man's heart.

You know what? He needs to be on one of our next podcasts.

Danny, you're going to be on the show. So get ready. Start polishing up your vocal Cor son, start posturing up. Get them ready. So that's cool. So Danny was in the chat room. That's good. And he, and he is definitely someone worth mentioning.

He says he's a. He's a big fan.

Nice, nice podcast. And we are a fan of him. Him as well.

Yes, we are.

So that's really cool to have Danny in, in the house. Danny's in the house.

Yes, indeed.

So, Dan, so we are actually going to be talking further then as the chat room comes up, let's, let's, let's pop in another piece to the whole podcast program. Let's talk about, how about powerful relationships? How do you create powerful relationships from man to woman, woman to man, Business relationships, friendships. In your mind, what do you think when you think of a powerful relationship? What do you think of? Because a lot of people ask us about how to do that.

It really all boils down to communication, Epic communication. People lose it. They fear it. So they don't ask or say, you know, ask enough questions. If you ask some. Well, I came from a sales background. If you ask people enough questions, they'll Tell you everything you want to, want to hear if you just listen.

Right. And most.

That's what starts a great relationship.

Well, I think you make a good point. Listening is a, is a lost art. And it's, it is, in fact, it is one of the most important pieces of the whole communication process. A lot of people think that a great conversationalist is someone that speaks well. But a great conversationalist truly at the epicenter is someone that listens well, don't you think?

Well, hello. Where do you think Lisa listen came from?

Hence Lisa listen for sure. But it's true. What about Dale Carnegie? Remember Dale Carnegie? A lot of people know him from how to Win Friends and Influence People. And Dale Carnegie was known as the number one conversationalist.

Right.

He went to a party once, a big pupu shishi party back in the day. And the lady of the house that was hosting the party was just thrilled that he was going to be at her house because she had heard how great he was at communicating and relationships. And he was there and they engaged in conversation. It was about a 95% to 5% talk ratio where the lady, the hostess was talking 95% of the time. And he was every now. And he would sneak in a question or two, like you said, and he would listen really well. And she wrote, she had one of the writers of the day post in the newspaper that she had just met and talked with the Dale Carnegie, the number one conversationalist in the world. He was the best. But really what it was, he was just an extraordinary listener and that's what made him a great conversationalist.

Well, and I attribute my successful sales career to asking questions and letting them talk because if they talk long enough, you can go back and close them. Well, let me see. Based on what I just heard you say, if I can do A, B and C, is there any reason why we can't sign this today?

Well, let's break it down. That's good. For the business side, that really does help. We're going to hopscotch around back and forth on this.

Absolutely. Bring it.

So for powerful relationships, a lot of people have challenges out there with intimate relationships in terms of how to be in a relationship. What do you think some of the number one challenges are with people that have trouble showing up in their relationships?

Just off the top of your head, I think they. It's not balanced, the work life balance thing. I think a lot of people, it's easier to bury themselves into work than to go home and have a conversation with the Wife. Because work's already been very stressful, so they don't want to come home and cause more stress. So things just tend to get buried and stacked and build up.

I think that's huge. I think that's huge. I think there's something that happens before that that is very true. I think what happens before that is people typically do not know themselves. They typically do not get themselves. So now, while they are seeking to relate in a relationship and get others, when they don't even get themselves, how can they relate to someone else?

Good point, Jeff.

I think that's really the biggest challenge. I think what you said is accurate, but I think it starts at home, at the temple. In fact, speaking about home in the temple, I think there are some things in the chat room. And since my eyes are not as good as yours, looks like there's someone from Chicago sneak. And let's see who that is from Chicago tapping on the door here. Can you read it for us, please, Tim?

He says he's loving the show. I appreciate Jesse's honesty about his high school experience. And I tell my clients all the time to shut up and listen. Tim, you are brilliant.

You are, even if you. And now don't tell us to shut up while we're on the air, though. Tim, Tim, I love you and you, Mr. Restaurant. You the bad mama jamma, too. But if you shut your mouth. But if you tell me to shut up while I'm on the radio or on the podcast, I'm gonna have to come out there and fix you, tighten you up. No, that's some good stuff with Tim. Tim's right. He's right on, though, right?

Absolutely.

Just shut up and listen. Yeah, I mean, can you hear me? Most people can't because they hear the noises. They have what they call. What they call in psychology, inner critic. Well, inner critic, for sure. But in psychologists, they call it the always listening mind already. Always listening mind, that's the alter ego that sits on your shoulder. See, everything rises and falls in language, no doubt. The language that you use, the language that you allow in. And typically, the way we roll, we do not allow in toxic. Toxic people or toxic language. We find great exit strategies to get away from that. And that little alter ego that sits on your shoulder that tells you who you are, who you're not, typically telling you what you can't do. So to Tim's point, sometimes it's good to shut up and listen. Like now I'm gonna shut up and listen to you listen.

Okay, well, I just wanted to Say that Danny Vegas did come back and say that. The show seems to water down the negativity of all that's going on out there.

Say that again.

It seems. What? Oh, Jesse, how do you feel about African Americans using the N word so much?

That's a great question. I'm going to answer it like this. Everything is a matter of context. Everything is a matter of context, culture and community. Three Cs. I'm not going to say I condone using that word. I'm going to say in certain aspects of a community, that word is often used because if we use it on ourselves first when it's used against us, it takes the sting away. Now, that might be a little deep on you, and I can certainly go deep. I'd love to. I could do a whole. Danny Vegas. I could do a whole show on just that. But that context and the community, that, again, I don't necessarily condone that. But in some of those communities, in the context of which it's used, oftentimes it was the origin of us using it on ourselves was so that when it's used on us, the sting has been lightened. Check that out.

Did that help you, Danny?

Yeah, text us, shoot us another little message in the chat room and let us know if that did help you. But that's how I would answer that question. But we could literally could do a whole program on that alone. That's a great, great question.

Yeah, it is.

I really like that I personally decided this, Danny. I decided that who I'm becoming is someone that wants to resonate and rise above the color and communicate in a fashion that it's transformative. Where you don't think about it, it has no relevance.

Right, right.

Only what we're dealing with is what is relevant.

So Danny said it's all about the culture.

Yeah, well, yeah, it has a lot to do with it, for sure. So where we're at on this whole powerful communication stuff, how do you feel about what we said so far in relationships?

I. I love what you said because it does start with self. And so many people don't know self. And that is truly. When we get into the coaching with corporations and people, and that's. That's the root of where we start, is coaching to get you to know yourself so you can get to know others.

Right.

When you have an understanding of what your makeup is and how you roll, it starts unfolding before you how other people roll.

It really does. And I think so when you get yourself, we always say when you get yourself, you get others. And we certainly borrowed that line from the color code which we both color code certified and we think very much we have a great deal of magic for that for that company. That's a personality profile that, that they are specialists for. And we use that in our businesses both in the speaking on the stage and also in the coaching programs, executive and also personal and professional development coaching. And we like to say a simple formula. Self discovery plus feeling equals high quality sustainable relationships.

I like it.

I'll repeat it. Self discovery plus feeling, how you leave them feeling equals high quality sustainable relationships.

Nice.

It's not about so much what about happens to you in life. It's about what you do about what happens to you that matters most. Put the energy in what you're going to do about what happens to you. There's an old saying that an Irishman said once, whenever you're standing at the top of the mountain, should always throw a little dirt in the valley to cushion the fall. You know, it's an up and down sort of thing, right?

Yeah.

Life is a continuum. Yes.

You're either in the groove or you're in the valley.

Yeah, absolutely. And it happens. It's called life. So life happens. So what are you going to do about it? That's what we want to say. Do we want to let people know how they can reach us?

Absolutely. Give us a call at 702-541-6992 if you have any questions at all. If you feel stuck, if you feel fearful and you just don't know which way to turn next, we would love to take on a 10 minute conversation with you and get you unstuck or get you in our next conversation on May 19th. And again, if you want more intel on that, you can email us@feelingsesthalk.com you can get us on Twitter lisalisson or estalk.

And we are. Thank you for that, Lisa. Listen, we are closing the show for right now. We are excited that we're going to be on Thursday from now on after this at 5pm that's going to be Pacific time and we want to challenge you listeners out there to choose to go out and build powerful, sustainable relationships. And we'll be seeing you on the next schedule show Hope. Hope all is well with you out there in the world and we'll keep doing our part and it's all about how you leave them feeling.

I love. Sam.