Husband-and-wife coaches Jesse and Lisa Farrell discuss their book How You Leave Them, written during COVID. They cover relationship comfort, codependency, boundaries, and the Umuntu factor, a Zulu concept about mutuality in relationships.
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How You Leave Them: Foundation for Inspiring Love and Relationships
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Valentine's Day just around the corner. Are you looking for love in all the wrong places or want to kick your relationship up a notch? We have a husband and wife success coach here to walk you through it.
All right, our next guests know a thing or two about relationships. They are happily married, so they wrote their first book together called how you leave them foundation for inspiring love and relationships. Here with some great tips from the book, our husband. Husband and wife duo, Jesse and Lisa Farrell, thank you both so much for joining us.
Thank you. Thank you. It's good to be here.
I'm so excited to talk about this book. And we were talking about the title itself.
Yes.
Which is rooted in. Well, alongside a Maya Angelou.
That's right. Yeah. People don't always remember what you do, but they always remember how you made them feel, is what she said.
Absolutely. And so that rings true in this book about relationships, how to build that foundation. What made you to write this book, Lisa?
Well, it was during COVID when. Right. When Covid happened and everyone was in their homes and they may or may not have spent a lot of time together, but now they were forced to spend time together. We figured that we would share our best gifts and talents in a book to help others in times of trouble. And you will find a lot of juicy nuggets in the book on how to do that.
Love those juicy nuggets. Yeah. I mean, the pandemic, it kind of made people be like, wow, you're really cool and re. Spark that.
Or who are you?
Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
We haven't spent time together in a long time. So this book can help people if they're in that rut.
Correct? 100%. It doesn't have to be about COVID either. People in general, the longer people are together, oftentimes more things change and sometimes not for the better. There's a thing called relationship comfort that we write about in the book. Relationship comfort is when you've been in a long term relationship. Husband, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. Oftentimes we do things to them that we would never do to anybody else. Sometimes we don't do things for them that we do for almost anybody else.
Because you get so comfortable in that relationship that you let it fall by the wayside. When that's your number one relationship, you need to keep interesting and lively.
Absolutely.
Right.
Yeah.
You don't want your spouse to turn into a roommate.
Exactly. Exactly.
Right, Exactly. Okay, so you're saying this book can help people who are in codependent or toxic relationships. How so, yeah.
So oftentimes when you're in a codependent relationship, you don't even realize that. And that codependency is something favorable for either side of that. But it's not healthy. The unhealthy part about that is you need to be able to establish some independency and that you can do it for yourself, not just because of and for someone else specifically. What about you? This book also talks about how you leave yourself feeling, not just how you leave others feeling.
Yeah, that's also a very important relationship.
Absolutely.
Now what about how can this help with people in a toxic relationship?
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah, that is a good one. Well, whether it's at work or whether it's at home, whether it's in your personal life, professional life, the best thing to do that I have found is to put boundaries, set time limits that you want exposure to those people because anything outside of that is really tearing you down. And after you remove yourself for at least five minutes, take some self care moments and talk about, tell yourself positive affirmations. I'm worthy, I love myself, I am a good person. Whatever your positive affirmations are, just keep infusing that within you for like the next five minutes so you can wash away that negativity.
Okay, we're almost out of time, so I want a quick tip from both of you. As we approach Valentine's Day, if someone's looking to jump start or turn around their relationship, first thing they should do.
Is go to jesstalk.com, J-E-S-S-T a l k.com get the book and look for the Umuntu factor. The Umun factor came from South Africa, Zulu tribe, Umuntu Ingamuntu Ingimontu, which means to people are people because of others. Learn that concept alone. And that will be on their way for Valentine's Day.
I love that. Thank you both so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. And here's the information for how you leave them feeling, written by Lisa and Jesse Farrell. Thank you again.
