How To Build Great Lifetime Relationships

This is a special broadcast of Brothers in Conversations featuring Sandy Essenprice from Hawthorne, Nevada. We have been friends since the fourth grade. She was my fourth grade teacher, and she's one of two of my most favorite teachers in the world. That would be Sandy Essen Price and Donna Ludwig Peterson. Sandy, Ester Price and I are about ready to share this podcast called how to Build Sustainable Great Friendships and Relationships for Life. Stay tuned. Here it comes. It's a live broadcast from Las Vegas, Nevada, at the Golden Nugget. And pardon that background noise, because it's a live feature. Andy. This is a conversation about relationships. And when we talk about relationships. Just a quick thought. What do you think makes the best relationships in terms of the dynamic of building a great relationship, no matter whether it's a friendship, a call, a loved one, whatever?

I think. I think a lot of times it's having something in common.

Yes. Having some common ground. I agree.

Whether it's a lot of books or a common background, or wanting to do the same things.

That's a really good point. I think those are some pretty good foundational points. In fact, we're at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas. When you tell people where you live, where do you tell them you live at?

I tell them I live in Hawthorne, which is a really small town.

Right.

And then I tell them that I don't really live in the town. I live outside of the town.

Right. And. And how long have you lived in Hawthorne?

50 years.

50 years. Okay, so this is a live broadcast from the Golden Nugget, and you're visiting from Hawthorne because it's a classroom union time for you. And there's some people in the background that are having a whole bunch of fun. Like, we're having more fun than they are, but they're just louder than us.

That's. That's right.

So I, too, am from Hawthorne originally as well. And I have been gone from Hawthorne for a few years, as in, like, so actually 41. And you and I get to get the chance to connect. And our relationship is one of those very interesting, cool, exciting, dynamic relationships. If you were going to tell someone about the quality of our relationship, how would you explain it? What kind of relationship would you say? I know it's a friendship, but how would you explain it?

It's not just a friendship. It's one with a lot of trust.

Yes.

It's one where I don'. If I don't see you for a year or two years or three years, if I needed you, I would call you.

Right.

And I would hope that you would call me.

Right.

But it's based on a long time of knowing each other and I think watching both of us grow up.

Right, right. Yeah, We've grown up together. You were ahead of me just by a couple years because in the fourth grade, you were my fourth grade teacher. I have not been on a speaking engagement yet where I don't remind the audience of two professional teachers, my fourth grade teacher and my junior high school art teacher, because fine arts is what I'm one of my best gifts and talents. And you were more of a life teacher. She was more of an art teacher. She was important because of the creative, the artistic side of what I bring to the table. And you were more important to the universal side. And that started in the fourth grade. So how many people that are looking at the age of 59 get to spend time consistently, by choice and by intention with their fourth grade teachers?

Probably more common really, from a really small town than from a city. Because in the really small towns like Hawthorne, where you went to school, the teachers have the advantage of being able to watch those students go through school. The elementary teachers lose those kids when they go into high school because just from the dynamics of elementary teachers have to stay at the elementary school.

Right.

And so we lose track for a while.

Right.

But we have the advantage of being able to watch somebody that we grow to love go through those years for sure.

And what do you appreciate or value most about the dynamics of our relationship? I know my own. I'll speak second. You can go first. Unless you want me to go first. I want you to go first. But you can choose.

I think from fourth grade, what I learned about you has not changed. From fourth grade, you were an achiever. And it didn't matter if I changed your grade or not. If you got a 98, I had to stay out to school anyway. And so you stayed after and you would change. You would fix what you got wrong and I would grade it again. And you knew it didn't change the grade.

And I knew it didn't change the grade, but I still did.

But you were going to achieve what you wanted to. So I could see that in fourth grade. But the other thing that was really noticeable about you in the fourth grade was your kindness.

Wow. You.

You had. And it's not that other students don't get it, is that children start off egocentric. The outside world does not always come in.

No.

By fourth grade, by sixth grade, usually you're incorporated into their world. But in fourth grade, you were Very kind. You were def of the people you were very fond of.

Right.

And that was very noticeable to me. Those are the two things that I carried about you with me.

That's pretty amazing because I don't. I remember my personality to something, but not to the degree that you do, oddly, because you were watching it from a different perspective. I was living it. But it's interesting to learn that all these years later. What do I do for a living? Professional speaking. Life coaching. Executive coaching. Coaching along and urging those along.

Supporting. Always searching to be better. Always searching to be better.

Yeah.

And on the times when I've needed you.

Oh, I'm there.

You were there.

If I know that you need me. Want or need. You don't even have to ask. If you ask, I don't even have to think about the answer. But if I even know that you need it, I don't care what's going on in my world. I'm gonna find a way to reposition and adjust and make it happen.

There's been a couple of times in my life when you've made a lot of difference in maybe not my survival, but in the quality of my survival.

And your well being. You know what's interesting? You say that whenever those times were and I knew that there were some difficult challenges here and there, I never saw them as insurmountable and I never saw it as an imposition on me to be a support. I saw it as a great role reversal moment. I saw it as a moment where I get to then bring my favorite teacher up. I get to give her my very best gifts and talents and help her elevate from whatever the situation, the circumstances are. That's how I always saw it.

And I think, Jesse, the reason that we. We meet not just as friends or but maybe because we're friends and not just a former teacher, is because we've had that role reversal. You have become my mentor at times.

But we never, we never even discuss this any. We just. We just do it.

We do it.

We did. When you brought up, I think you, the first time we brought played that role reversal, I think you were very, very uncomfortable. But you did it anyway. And that's what we do. Even if I'm very uncomfortable, I'll run it by you anyway. And no matter how uncomfortable or challenge or difficult it is, you always bring me your best. You always tell me the truth and you always want me to somehow elevate from that situation every single time.

I don't give you a lot of advice. I've Given you, I think maybe two pieces of advice in your. In our entire friendship.

Right. But you typically don't even volunteer. I have to ask. And then you could you mind your own space.

And you have always paid attention.

Oh, close.

I say something, it's not like. Well, yeah.

And when you say sometimes a couple times you shocked me with. I never. I thought you were going to go the other direction. Some relationship circumstances I've had and I brought to your attention. And when you went in a particular way where you thought it was time for me to grow my own wings and be my own space and create another, I was blown away that you had that thought. So for me, what happens, I think some of the dynamics of the quality relationship and building quality relationships. And I don't think it's just in the longevity of our relationship.

No, I don't think think it is.

I think it's in the. It's in the commitment, it's in the care. It's in the connection. There's a connection. It's. It's visible. You can. When we're together, people can tell we're very connected. Even when we're not together, we're very connected.

That's right.

We, we. We want to see the other person in a good, happy, healthy space. We want to do whatever we can to help that along. There's a friendship, there's a. There's an emotional connection, there's an intellectual connection. We don't challenge each other in a negative way or with information, with life information. We share our very best. You share your very best. I share my very best. And we always walk away better.

We do.

Right.

And we always walk away knowing that the caring and love is always there.

The love is there, the care is there. The giving is there. The wanting, the asking. You know, my life and you, when you knock on my door, you know I'm going to have to move some stuff around to make it happen. But I always do.

You would. I always know.

And the same thing with you. The only time that I don't get to connect with you when I'm in your space is if you're not there. If you're not there, well, then I can't connect with you. But if you're anywhere in the Hawthorne zone, and I'm going to be anywhere in that zone, I always let you know I'm going to be in the zone. So. But think about that. You have you. I wasn't the only kid. How many other fourth graders do you keep in touch with?

There's I have about four or five.

Or do they live in Hawthorne? No, they live around the globe.

Around.

And do you have a similar relationship with where you guys are?

We don't meet, no. No, I don't. We're on Facebook together and we see each other, but we've never had the opportunity to connect as adults.

We have never taken the opportunity to connect as adults. You and I have taken it.

That's true.

I've grown up and left.

Well, now I have a sixth grade student that I keep close contact.

Yes, yes.

Which you know very well.

Right, right. And she lives in the Hawthorne area, though.

Right? He lives in the Hawthorne area.

Who is it?

You know somebody by the name of Al?

Oh, my brother. Al's been very influential in your life and in some closer ways than even I have been because of life circumstances.

Yes.

Yes.

And he's. He's another one that.

Yeah. You and Al have a special relationship, too.

You need. You need me, you call me.

And, you know what's, you know what's neat about that is you and Al have this special relationship, and you developed that on your own. Al and I never talked about the relationship that you and I have had growing up. He had his own with you. I had my own with you. We never really. We've never. We never discussed it as kids. We discussed it now as adults, but we never discussed it as kids. Coming up. That is. It's a different kind, but it's just as powerful.

And it's. It's so much more rewarding.

Right.

Not only to have that background, but to be as equals.

Oh, absolutely. Adults. Because we see each other that way. It was hard for me to not call you Mrs. Essencraus. That was really. It took me a long time to call you Sandy. That was. It was difficult. It really wasn't easy.

I believe it. When I came back to Hawthorne to teach, there were still teachers there that I had had that would say, you know, you're out. You're actually working with me. You need to call me by my first name. I'm like, this is not going to happen. I don't think I could do it.

It's really difficult.

But I do encourage all of my former students to call me. They've been. They're 50 years old and I'm in my. Sandy said it's time.

Right. But the thing is, it's a respecting that we do. But when I made the crossover to be able to be comfortable calling you Sandy, that's when our relationship rose yet to more levels. Because I wasn't keeping us captured and stuck in our early beginnings. So I think relationship building, relationship strength and equity with others is really where the magic is. And I know we're in a live setting here, so this is a little bit noisy. Some folks may have a hard time hearing, but it's worth it because we're taking the opportunity to do a live podcast right here for our brothers in podcast. Even though I'm sitting with more of a sister than a brother, it's okay, it's still gonna, it's still gonna work because people listening to this, someone listening to this and they want to strengthen the quality of relationships that they're in. What would you recommend that they do? Whether it's, whether something like you and I when we started where I was just a little 10 year old kid and you were a young new teacher to now, what would you recommend for people that want to build quality relationships with one another? How do you recommend they.

Respect? Probably the first thing is respect because if you don't respect somebody, I like it. You're not going to have a relationship.

I like it. Then.

Once you have that respect, then the caring comes, the caring of who does what. Can I back you in? And spending time with them, critically important to spend time with people.

I agree.

And then backing them, even if it's, yeah, go for it or I'm on the other side of the world at the moment, but tell me what the problem is and I can listen.

Being available.

My father always said, and I like this because it was good advice. My father says, I can't give you any advice, but I can listen to you. And I think as a friend, listening to another friend is huge.

Sometimes that's half the challenge is people getting it off their chest in a safe place to tell the truth so they can hear it out loud, so it becomes real and now they can do something about it.

And if you need to, then it's, well, what would happen if, if you took this choice?

Right.

If you made that choice, what would happen?

Right.

But I, it's, it's respect and then it's caring and then it's spending time and having their back.

I like that. I like that. That's really, really good. And I would, I would second that. And I would just say that I feel extremely fortunate to have a Sandy. Not just again for longevity, I do appreciate but just the quality of relationship and to being able to count on that relationship for whatever the need is. I feel very comfortable having that. It feels like having a security blanket that you only need it if it gets cold. You only need it if you only need to put it into place. If there's something beyond your understanding, your control. And it's. And it's always there, I think. But. But I think that connection, I think that connection started really in the fourth grade. And I don't. I think it just has picked up momentum every sense every year.

I think so too.

Like it's better now than even last and it's better last year than it was five years before that. And it was good all those other years.

It's been great.

So oddly enough, it keeps growing, it keeps getting better. So I want to say thank you for the time and thank you for always putting aside time. Even in busy circumstances like you have here where you're here for your class reunion. In this busy hallway with the folks here in the Golden Nugget, we can crank out a conversation with any fortune. It can really help others tap into the relationships that they have and do something about it and advance those relationships. So I'm going to say something to you that I always say and you just comment and we'll close. It is, I believe that the best of life starts and ends with how you leave others feeling. That's why I wrote the book how you leave them feeling. Your thoughts.

I told you before, I know we weren't going to talk about anything we've already said but I have a copy of your book that's dog eared. So I think your book is wonderful. I really. I've used it a lot want.

We might have to get back with the publisher and get you a fresh one. What a wonderful. So give me a great hug if you will. It's always a pleasure muching up to you too. It's such a pleasure being with you.