Jesse and Lisa Farrell, co-authors of How You Leave Them Feeling, share their ICE Life philosophy: investing in yourself, caring about others, and extreme self-care. They recommend 2-4 hours of daily personal time, three daily meditations, and weekly half-day silence to strengthen relationships.
Questions this video answers
No less than two hours and up to four hours of personal time per day.
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Chapters
Learn how to bring a better sense of self to all your relationships through something called Ice Life philosophy.
Master success coaches Jesse and Lisa Farrell co authored the new book how youw Leave Them Feeling. And they are joining us now to share about this book. Welcome, you two.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, why this book? Why now, Lisa?
Well, it actually happened because of COVID Covid happened and we were sitting with some friends at dinner and they said, you guys, so many people say you have such a great relationship. What are your secrets? Why don't you share them with the world? So people were anxiety and depressed and oftentimes people would work and not necessarily live together. And when they had to be in the house and live together and stay together and be together, a lot of people didn't know how to do that. So we wrote the book to encourage people to stay together and that's what it's about.
So, Jesse, is that where you came up with Ice Life philosophy?
Well, sort of, yeah, it is. But also, Lisa, Lisa says people didn't know how to be together. She's being kind. They were clueless. I had no clue they were clueless. Been together 14, 15, 18 years and can't be together for two hours. That's true. Or three or four.
Because why is that? Like, what are we doing wrong?
That's a great question. You know why that is? We call that relationship comfort. Relationship comfort is a new concept. We made it up. Is whenever you've been in a long term relationship for a while, a year, two years, five years, 10 years, you get so comfortable with those folks, you won't do things for them that you do for almost anyone else. And you do things to them that you almost wouldn't do for anybody else.
Amen.
Relationship comfort.
Okay, so true.
How do you get out of that?
What do you do?
You buy the book, Start there and it's in the book. In the book is going to teach you how to build relationship equity with your partner. It's going to teach you how to be cognizant and stay above board and not get into that comfort zone. You want to be comfortable in your relationships. That's the good side of relationships. But the other side, when you get too comfortable, you forget you don't treat them the same way. And it's just, I think it's human nature.
Jesse, you call it a breath of fresh air, but it's solution based intelligence.
Yes.
These are tips that you can use today in a relationship.
Right now. Right now, if someone were to pick up this book and start reading like you said, the solution based techniques that we have in there, they work right away. You have to practice them, of course, but they work right away. You don't need it. You don't need a college degree for this. You don't need a semester. You just need to read it and be common sense.
Lisa. Okay, let's jump into ice. The first one, investing in yourself. Why is that so important?
Because if you're not healthy, how can you be good to anyone else?
Right?
You two, did you learn these along the way, or did you start with a relationship that you both thought, you know, this is pretty good at its core?
Elise is better to answer that it.
Took failed relationships, really. So you have to look at yourself and you have to say, why did these relationships fail and what can I do stepping into this next relationship to make it better?
Spot on. In fact, we came up with this thing called house rules. House rules is because in former relationships, we made the mistake of never asking that partner, what do you want? And telling them what I want. We just expect for them to memorize or read our minds. But the house rules, she gets three rules. She gets to keep them for as long as she wants. I get three rules, and they're non negotiable. This is how I have to have it.
Ooh, I like that.
It's called house rules, and it's about communication. But what if you've got to communicate what you want?
Conflict there. What if Lisa really doesn't agree with one of those non negotiables?
Those are non negotiable.
I like that. Because we live with one another, making sacrifices. Then you start growing resentment for them because they're not living the way you would live.
Okay, I keep getting off track. We have to go through ICE because I have so many questions. C is caring about yourself and others. This is after you invest in yourself.
Yeah. So caring about yourself and others, like what Lisa said, first serve the temple first because you can serve everyone else much better when you serve yourself first. Oftentimes, if you're a caring, giving kind of person, you come either last or you're not even on the list. And so you're serving people far less than you believe that you are because you're not at your best, you're not healthy.
That makes sense. All right, the last one, extreme self care. This is important.
You look at each.
Other, because if you don't take care of self first, that's like Jesse said, that's the temple. You've got to be whole and healthy so that you can be able to walk the talk, be the example and be the master coach that you are.
Those types of things that straight away self care.
We learned that from Cheryl Richardson. Cheryl Richardson is a wonderful author and speaker as well and coach.
And she basically talks about taking time for your life.
Absolutely. And in fact, we have a two to four campaign. No less than two hours and up to four hours of personal time for yourself. Do whatever you want every day and.
Meditation three times a day.
And do you two do those together.
Or do it when we're together? We do it together. But if I'm traveling or he's traveling, no matter what, we still do it.
And ladies, you ready for a Sizzler?
I am.
Here it comes every week. At the end of the week, we get a half a day of silence. No talking. What would I do? Come on, girls.
I don't think it's possible. 20% off the book right now. Everybody, you need this with that code on your screen. Jesstalk.com youm can also go to Instagram and Facebook for more information. It is called how youw Leave Them Feeling. Your foundation for inspiring love and relationships. You two, thank you so much for being here.
