"Practicing The Art of Communication"

Welcome to our Brothers in Conversation podcast, powered by Jesse and Shondell. Shondell, you are from Bed Stuy do or Die Brooklyn.

That little town?

That's a little town that's nothing like Hawthorne, Nevada. Population 5,000 cats and dogs. This is Brothers in Conversations. And actually, today is a good day because this is episode number 31, and we are sitting right here on August 20th. I believe that is the best way to see things is exactly as they are. And Lisa and I are always on the same page with things that matter most. And Lisa came up with this brilliant idea for you to connect with us on this Facebook Live. And this is actually practicing the art of communication. I couldn't think of a better person to practice the art of communication. I know Shondale will be a little jealous, okay? But the truth of the matter is, nobody practices the art of communication more diligently than Alex Bybey. So welcome to the program, Alex. This is going to be outstanding. Just thinking about that title, Practicing the Art of Communication. This is not rehearsed. What are your thoughts when you hear that title? That we're going to be exploring, the two of us?

Yeah. Well, I think that practice is the.

Right word because it is a daily practice.

I think that we often have to check in and blend with the environment and the people that we're communicating with. And so I don't know that it's ever something you. Perfect, but it is an ongoing practice. So I think that that's a fitting title.

Perfect. And think about what you do. You've done some amazing things after graduating from the University of Nevada, Reno. You. It just. I'm not going to get into GPAs and so forth now. Although yours was pretty high. But you realize that, do you know, you follow. You're following my footsteps. You know that was my first school, too, right?

Yeah, that's right. We partially share an alma mater.

What do you mean by partial?

Well, but then you defected to the. To the rival institution. So.

So let me ask you this, Mr. Bybee. I deflected to the rival institution. Right. What if I had a full ride art scholarship, Fine arts scholarship for UNLV that UNR would not give me.

All right.

Okay.

I suppose that warrants the defection.

So. So is it really a defection or is it a reflection? The brother was reflecting on what he could do.

Okay, there you go. See, he's. He's. He's spinning this one, and he's doing.

Oh, are we?

Oh, are we?

This is one tactic in the communications toolbox.

Wait a Minute.

So are we spinning? Are we truth telling.

Somewhere in between? Maybe. Okay, so it is truth telling that you are right. You. You did go to the university. You did receive that scholarship. And that I would have done probably the same thing. It's a very enticing offer to go full ride on an art scholarship.

Okay.

You know, you just got.

You know, you just got yourself off the hook with that last comment. Right.

Okay, good. I was hoping I would have trending in the wrong direction.

I was gonna go cultural on you.

I was gonna go birth order on you. I was gonna go timing on you and let you know what the sign of the times were in reno, Nevada, in 1974. Okay, that's right.

That's a good point.

All I'm saying is my complexion mattered back then.

Yeah.

I grew up in an environment where my complexion made a difference for others. I didn't let it make a difference for me, but others intended to make a difference for me. I was more accepted at UNLV based on my complexion than I was at UNR based on my complexion.

Yep.

Isn't that funny?

And now UNLV is. I think the most. Is either the second most or the most diverse campus in the nation, actually.

I did not know that. That's why I love talking to you. Always know these kind of details. I do know that they hired the first black university president recently at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

Okay.

Yeah.

There you go. Well, between the two of us, we have all the facts we need.

Dude, why do you. Dude, why do you think you're on this program?

We got this thing covered in full range, right?

Well, yeah, I mean, I do think Shondel could maybe round this out a little bit, but I think that in his absence, we'll do our best to keep up.

Listen, if I got Alex Bybey, Shondale Newsom and Jesse Farrell in a circle, there's not enough room for all three of us. He's got to stand on the sideline for this one because this is Alex Bybee day. In fact, let me tell people a little bit about you. Let me tell people a little bit about you. You have done some incredible things as we diversed just a little bit from the actual topic. Do you know you. I won't tell your numbers because I don't have the permission, but do you know you made more with your friends? First job out of college. Okay, what was your first major job out of college when you got recruited from Reno to come back to Las Vegas? What was that first job?

It was I went to work at the Public Education foundation as the Director of development.

Okay. That job. I know how much you made on that job. Do you know that you made three times more annually? You tripled what you made annually then I was making after multiple college degrees and being out of college for 10 years, your salary tripled my salary.

Wow.

And I was a director. And then you took that and you parlayed that. Other opportunities. And the latest one that I'm super proud of before is the Director of Development of Community Employment Schools. Tell us a little bit about that, because that's. You gotta be a wonderful communicator to do that.

Yeah, well, I'm fortunate. My role now at communities and schools is strategic partnership. So communication does matter, because when you are serving, you know, a constituency and communicating with different stakeholders, whether they be elected or other nonprofit partners, you always want it to be rooted in respect and love. I think that those are two really fundamental elements of good communication and a good ratio of listening and speaking. I think that those are the key elements that I find bring value in this role.

I agree with you. The one thing, you didn't say it, but I know knowing you intuitively, you just probably so used to it. I believe one of the key parts of that communication cycle, too, that I think is essential is also listening. I think, because more people, I believe, the better listener you are, the better communicator you are. Because most people do not listen well in the art of communication. They're typically poised for what they're going to say next. So they're thinking about what they're going to say next. And especially depending on the company. In an environment like where you work in, I think it's more exacerbated rather than less because people have this thing, you and I. You learned it because Lisa took you to this great educational piece when you were. I think you're probably 12 or 13, and we learned this word image at a place where you learned fear of image. And many people have that fear of image. So oftentimes they're. They're concentrated on how they're going to be coming across where they're not necessarily listening or hearing everything that's being said. What are your thoughts about that?

Yeah, I think that that has been even more prominent in the era of social media. You know, I think that oftentimes the Persona that people curate online, through social media channels or otherwise, sometimes there's a gap or there's a differentiation in how people show up either in the physical world or the online world, and so when you bring up that term that we, you know, that I learned at the camp that mom sent me on and then the camp that you two also attended towards the end, to sort of reinforce those practices at home, I think that we live in a world where there's incentive to have image, and it's incentivized through the engagement and the reinforcement and validation that people get from presenting that online. So I think that we live in an era where people have a greater tendency towards the fear of image because of all the ways in which image matters.

Now, I agree with you, Alex, and I would say this. I would say that the larger percentage of people behave exactly what you just said. But I think there's another fraction of people that are quite the opposite. And they're putting on the things that they're putting on social media is they stub their toe or they cut their finger or they had an accident, or they're in the hospital or they're having surgery. And those people tend to put the most tragic of events, you know, time after time after time after time. If I stub my toe, you're never gonna hear about it. If I'm having a surgery, I might. You might find out about it slightly before or after it, but you're not gonna see it on social media. I'm not putting those people down for people that actually choose that, but I'm saying that there's the opposite. But I think it's a smaller fraction of people where every time you go, if you were to go to look at their social media, how they're showing up, it's always the most tragic of things. I believe I know why they do that. Why do you think people that choose that route, why do they do that?

Well, I think that human beings are hardwired for connection. And oftentimes, if there's some sort of trauma in someone's life and they're looking for a sense of community or a sense of comfort from the experience that they've just had, I would imagine that turning to an online community where they feel connected to friends and acquaintances and family, you know, perhaps it helps them. Perhaps there's some sort of catharsis to sharing those experiences on their social media accounts.

I think that was extremely. When you're talking about practicing the art of communication, you just articulated that extremely well. Let me dissect that. For people that are not at the educational level of Alex, with no disrespect to them. What Alex is saying, in my opinion, is oftentimes people are craving that sort of an attention and a lot of that kind of negative capturing is because they want you to see what they're going through. They want you to see their challenges or their woes. And so part of that is their form of communicating is saying, you know, look at me. Look how damaged I am. Look how in trouble I am. Look how hurt I am. So you could say, oh, Alex, I'm so sorry that you broke your leg. Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry that you have a surgery on your knee. Or, you know, they almost requesting that attention. I think it's a quest for attention. That's what I believe.

Yeah. I think it's a really complicated dynamic, particularly because I think in the cultural conversation right now, particularly with the increasing influence and platform of leaders and researchers like Bernie Brown, vulnerability is seen as a key concept in courage. And I think that oftentimes there's actually a fine line between vulnerability and authenticity.

And. And I think oversharing. And I think that sometimes, if people have yet to come to understand the full concept of vulnerability, I think that sometimes over sharing feels like that, and.

Yet it's not the same.

So I think there are complexities and nuances.

Well said. Well said. And when it comes to communication, what do you think is the biggest challenge that most people have in terms of communicating effectively?

Well, I think that it really. I mean, I think that the fear of rejection is a really powerful fear that human beings have as again, people who are hardwired for connection. And so really what I would imagine gets in the way, although I'm sure it's different for every person, is there's an exposure of one's interior life, one's thought processes when they communicate because they're vocalizing what is otherwise invisible. And so I think that there's a fear that one may say the wrong thing, one may offend, and that that may lead to some sort of rejection. And I think when people are in fear, there are actual bodily and physiological responses to that fear that cause them to have shortness of breath, to have a racing heart, to have increased blood pressure. And all of those physiological responses actually get in the way of being able to think clearly and to communicate one's message effectively.

I think you're right, Alex. But you know what? I think that they are unaware of that campaign. I think that campaign is going on in the backdrop much like a Windows program. Like, it's like a Windows program when you sign on to your computers, there's all kind of stuff going on in the backdrop that you don't even see you're not aware of that runs the computer.

Yeah, yeah. That's why education is so valuable and why I think, in particular, social emotional.

Education and teaching young people what is.

Happening in the background.

Because when you develop an awareness around.

Those responses and you have, I think.

Greater agency and ability to manage them and move through them, I love it.

What's your biggest key for when you walk into a room? Okay, no matter what the room is, I'll paint a picture. When you walk into, let's say you're in a fundraising event, and there are a number of decision makers in that room and some collegiate folks in that room, some normal folks. When I say normal as a no big status or whatever, along with a couple. Few status symbols, maybe there are some seniors and some Congress folks in the room, and they're all mixing up. When you walk into the room, what is your tactic for setting yourself up to communicate effectively in that room?

Well, you know, I think that every room is different and every program is different. Right. And I think that it's always coming to understand what role do you play in relationship to that room. So is this an event that you're staffing? Is this an event that you're sitting on the board of the organization that's hosting? Are you a guest? And I think that helps me kind of adapt and understand what level of presence to bring to the space. And then I think really what's important is I always ensure that I think about the person or group that I'm approaching from a human first approach. So as opposed to thinking this person has X title or this person has Y history, I really try to strike up conversations that allow people to light up about things they're passionate about that.

They wouldn't normally expect to be asked about.

So I remember when I actually, it was years ago, I was in New York City and I was there with mom, and I think it was for.

One of the performances that I was doing. We were performing in the Veterans Day.

Parade and we went to an event with Janice and Aaron and good family friends, of course, and Joe Biden, the.

Vice president, was speaking to dedicate a.

Statue for infantrymen that were going into battle in Afghanistan in the early 2000s.

And anyhow, I bring this up because I think it's an anecdote that supports this notion, which when I was in the line to meet the vice president, as opposed to asking about politics or some policy, I remember from my film studies class that he is a distant.

Relative of Preston Sturges, who's a renowned film director, and so I remember asking him about his relationship to this person and that history. And I think what happened was a shift for him in mindset from I'm being lobbied for a particular issue or.

Somebody wants to talk about what's it like to be friends with Barack Obama and really trying to get to the heart of a person and trying to give them space to talk about things that allow them to feel more human and more seen.

That's a pretty powerful case study that you just shared. And you're taking me in a little bit of a tangent of a different direction. I'm going to follow you in that direction because I love where you're going. I'm.