REALationships

Welcome to our Brothers in Conversation podcast, powered by Jesse and Shondell. Shondell, you are from Bed Stuy do or Die Brooklyn.

That little town.

That's a little town. That's nothing like Hawthorne, Nevada, population 5,000 cats and dogs. Let's start this out with welcome to our Brothers and Conversations podcast. It is powered by Jesse Ann Shawn Del Newsom. It is. And this is. This particular episode is why real lationships matter. Okay. Some people call them relationships. Shondale has coined the phrase real lationships.

Yes, sir.

Yes. And so this is September 10, 2020, and this is episode number 33. Our super exciting special guest is Lisa Altshafer. Lisa. Round of applause, Shondell, for Lisa Alchafer, please. In fact, we'll raise the roof for you. Yep. Y. And so, Lisa, an empowerment coach, right? Lisa, you do so much, it's hard to give you one title, but I'll do my best. You're an empowerment coach. You're an author. You're a speaker. You're a videographer. You're a graphic artist. I mean, wait a minute. Let me ask you. Is there something you don't do?

I'm sure plenty. Plenty. But adults tends to be in the coaching and creative area.

Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. So you. You've had your footprint in that zone for how long?

Well, I've been a coach since 2006, so professionally. Okay.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

Yeah. And then in creative, I've been, you know, decades, so. Yeah.

So you. I've got to tell you, Shondell, Lisa Farrell, and I have had the pleasure of working with Lisa Schaefer. And I'm telling you, nobody works harder. Nobody works with more precision. Nobody cares more about getting it right. Not for Lisa, but for the viewer or the perspective or whoever's gonna take in whatever that piece is, whether it's a video or a speech or a graphic display, it doesn't matter. I'm telling you, she's all in. And it does not get any better than Liesl Schaefer. Sorry.

You don't have to. You don't have to hype her up for me. Now, you can do that for our audience, but you don't have to hype her up for me.

Well, see, what Lisa. What, Lisa? All Schaefer doesn't know is Shondell Newsom. He knows everything. So I already know that about you. I was do. I was doing that for the other people.

She's amazing. You know, Lisa, one thing we connected on is you. I started off as a young Graphic designer. And every time that we have a conversation with Lisa and we're talking about the art and we're talking about the real industry, what I noticed is she is very appreciative of the art of communication. And really, I don't even want to classify her as a graphic designer, because everybody today claims they're a graphic designer because they have canva art or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We have to find a different name, a different class.

Well, you know, I've had. I've had people say the same thing about me as a coach.

Yes. Well, same thing. That's right.

Yeah. It's just interesting because I get that feedback a lot in all the areas that I work in. So I guess it's just.

It's uniquely you. It's your DNA. It's. It's what makes you you great.

There's no doubt about it, Shondale. It is what makes her great. Lisa Farrell connected with Lisa o' Shafer when Lisa was at a point in her path, while all of us, whether it's a career or vocation or job or whatever, oftentimes we can go exhausted with the challenges of keeping things up to par and so forth. And Lisa was at a point where she was really at a point she needed to take a break. And she connected with Lisa Farrell and talked to her about what she was up to. And. And my. Lisa mentioned to Lisa Oshafer that, you know, we were looking to, you know, create our own digital product. And Lisa said she was interested, and she came on board. And the breakthrough success plan, I can tell you, it took inside of one year. It was just about 2,700 hours that the three of us put into writing, scripting, you know, shooting, editing, and all this kind of stuff. And there's no way Lisa Farrell and I could have created a product of this quality without Lisa o'. Shaefer. The breakthrough success plan out there, now, as you know, the Urban chamber has used it, and we've got some Fortune 100 companies on the strip that are about ready to sample the breakthrough success plan as well. Or at least we're close to pulling the trigger on that. And we would not have had it without you, Lisa. You did just a great job with that, and, well, thank you.

It took all three. It was a great team.

Yeah. So let's talk about relationships or relationships. What's the difference, Shondell, between a relationship that most people know when they hear that word and a real relationships? What is the difference in your mind?

I think that people have a Relationship. When they go to a networking event and they get a business card and they reach out to people, once in a while, they feel like they have a relationship. What a real relationship is is a person that knows you inside out. They really understand you. It's like when we first talked, Jess, and when I brought you in to help the Urban Chamber years ago, when I said the Urban Chamber has to find an identity and how they. And understand how they make their members feel. Right?

Right.

We established. You and I and Lisa established a relationship over a period of time where I don't even have to ask you what you do. I know exactly what you do. I understand what you can do, and then ultimately bring you in and say, hey, how about we bring the breakthrough success plan to the Urban Chamber? Right? Because I understand that already. I understand you. I know your DNA. I know what you do and what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do. So it really boils down to, like, even the word friendship. People are taking the word friendship and just, hey, you friended me on Facebook, so now you're my friend, right? Oh, you. You have to be closer than that. And we have to know each other and understand each other to go to a different level. So a relationship is on a whole different level than the typical relationship.

I like that. That's true. Lisa Schaefer, why don't you weigh in on that or either take us to another area based on relationships versus relationships.

Yeah, I just, you know, I work with a lot of couples in coaching and obviously single people as well, but recently divorced also. All different stages of relationship, including the roles of the relationships that they play. So one of the things that a lot of people get caught up in is just taking for granted the relationships they have in their life and start to just mainly focus on, you know, what's not right in the relationship, what bugs them about the relationship, and all these types of things. And so one of the things that I really help people to understand is that the relationships that are closest to you, that are significant to you are really reflections of the relationship you have with yourself. And when you really understand that, you start to shift the way you do relationship. Because, you know, I'll use an extreme example, but, you know, abusive relationships are so prevalent, whether it's emotional, physical, or whatnot in our world today. And one of the things that I really help people to understand because people like to. Well, I shouldn't say like, to end up feeling like the victim in their life in a relationship. So when you can understand that if you are victimizing yourself, if you're hard on yourself, if you're really, you know, if you treat yourself poorly, the chances of you having someone significant in your life, treating you poorly, or even abusing you is going to be much greater. So it's all about the relationship you have with yourself is going to dictate the kind of relationships you have with others.

You know, that's huge. That's really huge. And people don't realize that. There's something else she said about the relationships that we're very familiar with, like a husband, a wife, a parent, a child, you know, a best friend. Oftentimes when it comes to those relationships, there's something that I call. I just really came with this maybe about four weeks ago. Relationship comfort. Relationship comfort to me is when you're extremely close with someone that we oftentimes take for granted our basic responsibilities of kindness, thank yous, appreciations, Popeyes, attaboys, check ins. Because we know those relationships are going to be there. And so we get. We're comfortable in the relationship. And I think that those times when we're not as comfortable or even uncomfortable, we're more on our P's and Q's, we're more aware of the basics of what turns something into a. As Shondale says, relationship, we have to be very mindful to not fall into. I think there's a plus and minus on relationship comfort. The plus is it's comfortable. That's good, that feels good. The minus side of that is it's comfortable and.