"Sharing The Power of Language" Using JessTalkisms & Shaundellisms
Jesse Ferrell and Shondell Newsom share personal aphorisms about language, brand, and relationships. They cover how you leave people feeling, company culture, habit choices, and the Color Code personality framework for understanding communication style.
Chapters
Foreign. Welcome to our Brothers in Conversation podcast, powered by Jesse and Shondell.
Shondell, you are from Bed Stuy do or Die Brooklyn. That little town.
That's a little town that's nothing like Hawthorne, Nevada. Population 5,000 cats and dogs. This is Shondell and Jesse, and we're talking about our podcast. And this is Brothers in Conversations. And the first one that we did was just out of the park. That was because Lisa had the idea. And now this is number 14, episode 14, sharing the power of Language Using Just Talk isms and Shondel isms. And you were just saying where these isms come from.
Right.
We don't really think about it when we're doing it for most parts. In fact, the best isms have come when we were just expressing something that came through us rather than something we sit around and premeditated.
Right. Right.
Sometimes we get it from reading, sometimes we get it from exposure, Sometimes we get it from intentional learning, and sometimes it just comes through us. And so we were having a conversation before we started the program. We stopped in the middle because it was so good, and we were just having a casual conversation. And what keeps happening is it's not just. That's what I would call synchronicity and synchro destiny.
Right.
It's not just like, oh, wow, that's kind of coincidental. It's not coincidental.
Right.
The things that you say.
Yeah.
They don't just resonate with me.
Yeah.
I say the exact same thing.
Oh, yeah.
Some of the choices that you've made without his dialogue. I've made exactly the same choices at that same period of life.
Yeah.
30, 40 years, before we even knew each other. Right.
Right.
So we were talking about, first off, we're not going to cast dispersion negatively on anybody that involved in whatever they're involved in. That's their thing.
Yeah.
Whether it's, you know, whatever that activity may be. Maybe they partake in alcohol, they partake in drugs or whatever it is.
No judgment.
No judgment. And you share the reason why you chose early on to not get involved in drugs, recreational drugs.
Even as a young child, one of the things that bothered me was seeing people in my family who were hooked on drugs or drinking uncontrollably. And alcoholism has been a huge problem in our family. Right. And what it caused, I saw people not in control.
Right.
It seemed like they lost control of their job, they lost control of their family, they lost control of their kids and the people. And this is one thing that is really something that Most people. Miss.
Right. When you say most people, Shondale, you mean most people that are engaged in it or most people full circle. Full circle. Right.
Because when you have somebody drinking and have drugs and they're addicted, it impacts the entire family. It doesn't just impact that person. So me being my. The oldest sibling in my family.
Right.
And being a young father, even being a young father.
Right.
Seeing the impact of drugs on the children and the grandchildren and all of that, because. And for full disclosure, and this is not a secret, and this is not anything I would ever hide. Both of my sets of grandparents were alcohol alcoholics.
Okay.
Both sex.
On both sides.
On both sides.
So let me ask you something. You mentioned earlier. You said that in this last little dialogue that you said that it impacts the family.
It impacts the whole family.
I think it impacts the village.
Yes, yes.
The family, too. Yes. But the family is the center core. But it actually spreads out into the village because that is likely affecting others, even outside of the family. Absolutely. Whether it's work, whether the work compadres that you. That you connect with, or maybe it's, you know, something happens to someone that. That's in that community because they're affected by you not being in your right mind.
Exactly.
And what you said earlier, what I began to tap into is. And by the way, we didn't know this was even going to go down this way. But the truth of the matter is, the reason why I chose to not partake in drugs is very similar to the same reasons why you chose to not take in. And I just thought to myself, I have enough challenges to manage already. Why do I want to add additional challenges that make those other challenges even harder to manage when I'm not in my right mind, I'm not in my right space. So I chose to not partake in drugs just because they didn't appeal to me. And I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't a fan of what the damage I saw ultimately over time it was doing to those that took. Not to mention how much they cost to partake.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I felt bad for my cousins. I felt bad for the ones who had to deal with that. I've seen separation of families. And so I. I just said, hey, you know what? I don't ever want to be hooked on drugs or alcohol. Now, that doesn't. I'll tell you this is. I love my red wine, but my red wine became a sort of a cool thing when I went to a wine club and understood how to drink wine. How to partake in meals and things. It wasn't like, oh, I just want to get drunk.
No, yours was a learning experience. Yours was to create an experience. That's not to create. That's not to navigate. An excuse for you to do alcohol. Put it. Make it pretty.
Right. Right.
It really was about the experience for you.
Yeah.
And so that's why I think that's. That. That does. That makes it very, very different. It's not like you are downing bottles of wine every day.
And let me tell you the first shondelism, Right. I'm gonna tell you one that I've given my kids, okay? This is where. That's why. That's where it came from.
Okay.
And it's not just drugs and alcohol. It came from abuse. Okay, I see. I've seen physical abuse. I've seen.
That's funny.
I've seen very much anger. Like, I've seen rage, and I've seen a lot of things. So this is what I told.
Are you sure you didn't grow up in my family?
You know what I.
No, no. I've been through.
I've been through Hawthorne, but, you know, probably didn't stay for.
Right. But you think about Bed Stuy. You talk about that all the time. But the truth of the matter is what you just said. I'm sorry, I mean, to cut you off. That is where I first saw it, too. Addiction runs in my family. I think addiction runs in a lot of families. But addiction, whatever. Addiction, behavior it is, whatever it is, it doesn't matter what it is. Addiction is different. Yeah, I've heard it said that changing seats on the Titanic, you're still going down. It's called the quote of doom.
Right, Right.
And that's what it's like when you change drugs from one addiction to another, whether it's alcohol or drugs or sex or whatever it is, if it's addiction.
And I'm glad you brought that up, because addiction is addiction. Right. That's why I tell my kids, I said, no matter what it is, if you're womanizing, right. And that's part of your family history, and you're addicted to, you know, just basically having women. Right. That's another addiction.
Absolutely.
So many different addictions. But I told them since they were little and Tierra and Thomas and Joseph and the staff and Cornelius and Nick and Terrence, and I know I got them all. And am I missing anybody? No. Okay, so all eight kids, I said, here is the deal. The habits you form are the habits you keep. And they Are hard to break.
Yeah.
So if you form habits as a young person and you're thinking it's cool to get high in high school, you. You'll turn around and 30 years later, you'll be saying, how did this happen? Life will pass you by, and you'll wake up and say, wow, I had kids.
Right. I believe it was a blank.
They're almost grown. Yeah, I've. I've missed all of this. When did that happen?
Yeah, you're right. You're right. When. When did.
And it will. Or even worse. And this is the other thing even more tragic. You may find, because not only you're addicted, but you're involved in that culture.
Right.
That you may. Your life may be gone before you even had a chance to live life.
That happens to a lot of people. That happens to a lot of people. Yeah. When you talk about that. Who. Addiction thing and seeing that and seeing the pain and the challenge that it causes, it's just. It makes it very difficult. In fact, you talked about habits. Brian Tracyism is good habits are hard to form and easy to live with.
Right.
Bad habits are easy to form and hard to live with.
I like that. I like that. Take note of that.
Isn't that a good one? Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good one. So that goes hand in hand with.
That, because it's perfect. When you said that, my mind thought of Brian Tracy. Good habits are hard to form and easy to live with. And bad habits are easy to form and hard to live with.
Yeah, Yeah, I totally agree.
So let's just jump in on our isms, then. So I'm gonna. Let's trade off. We'll go back and forth. I want to speed through these only because there's so many good ones. I want to hear yours. You hear mine? If I understand it, sure.
I'll roll.
If I don't, you break it down for me.
Oh, you wrote yours down.
I did.
Because I'm right here, man. Daddy. Daddy.
Isms, you know? See, but. See, you Kappa isms. Yeah, but see, you got that. That's different between you and I. You and Snoop Dogg have a lot in common. See, that's. I don't. I. I like my nizzle. Well, see, I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. So my first one off the Snoop Dogg. My first one off the queue is how you leave them feeling. We talk about it a lot. And. And I'm not going to actually read it. I'm just going to say it really quickly. Basically how you leave them feeling with the shortest version of it, it came when I was seeking to help someone else. And, And. And it was not a series of words I'd ever put together.
Right.
And when the client at the other end of the line and the senior level executive I was coaching, when he wasn't getting it, I thought, how am I going to get this guy's attention? Well, he didn't want to hear what I have to say. So I shut down my dialogue and I just listened. And when I listened through that full passage of time, he then wanted to throw the ball back to me. And I knew I had to let him dial, but he had missed it. So I said, at the end of the day, I said, it's. It's. If you really want to create an incentive to get people to move on what you want to need them to move on, it's about how you leave them feeling.
Right.
And then I thought, after I said, I just felt like, you know, when. When there's a superior thing that happens and it goes. And the music comes through, you know, it's something I said. I got to find that book. Well, the book wasn't out there, and I couldn't figure out how I was going to get it to him unless I wrote the book. So the concept came from treating others how they want to be treated.
Right.
And they will tell you versus treating them how you think you need to be treating them or how you want to be treated. Doesn't work. So that concept became a book, and the book became a lifestyle, and the lifestyle became.
And that's.
It's a great offering that we have, and it's very, very fundamental.
That's how we connected. And that is how we connect. How we connected. Because I told you, you talk about me giving you chills. You gave me chills at that time.
Right.
So I had these chills like, oh, wow. How you leave them feeling.
Because what a concept.
But it is.
It is what.
That's the foundation of branding. Let me just tell you that everybody gets hung up on the logos, the colors, the prettiness. And the real sunken strategy or secret to branding.
Yeah.
Is how you leave them feeling.
Because that's what they act upon.
Yes.
Yes. People don't do what they need to do. They do what they want to do.
Yeah. People spend way too much time, Jess, I'm telling you. And then this is where I disconnect with a lot of people. And this is why it's harder even. And I've told. I've told my daughter, I've told Our staff. This is why it's hard for people to become our client. Because they have been brainwashed.
Right.
It's the logo. You spend all this time on this identifier.
Who cares?
It doesn't matter. No, it's. The culture is how you leave.
My God. Oh, my God. Hold on. Sorry.
It goes.
Okay.
Okay.
You making me slip. Okay, now I'm gonna. If I duplicate later, it's cool. But you just said something. You said the culture. Yeah. That's one of my just autisms. I learned this just recently. Check it out. Yeah. Company culture is like a baby. You have to feed it all day long and then clean up its mess.
Absolutely. Yeah.
The culture of things is something that has to be fed. Yeah, yeah. And then at the end of the day, it doesn't always stick because then it kind of poops the bed. And so you have to clean that up and then you have to go. So my point is, you have to keep serving company. You don't get to do it once.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have to stay on it.
Yes.
It's.
It's. It's not. And what did Colin Powell say? Excellence is not a. An exception. It's a prevailing attitude.
Nice.
The prevailing attitude is how you do things every single day organically, without thinking about it.
Yes.
And being the chair of the Urban Chamber, I can tell you we kicked off with how you leave them feeling. Right?
Yes.
We kicked off my tenure as a board member.
Right.
With how you leave them feeling.
Yeah.
Now, everybody thought it was a little premature, but let me tell you, you say.
You say that, but that workshop we did, it rocked that room. It did.
It was not premature.
No.
What it did, it actually set a foundation. Yeah. Now, what we're going to do in next year in the 40th anniversary is we're going to come back to that.
Yeah.
And we're going to say. So how real was it? Now people have an emotion about the Urban Chamber.
Right.
And Saturday we had the Green Tie Awards, and we had people like Steve Hill, the chair of the. I mean, the president CEO for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority. But he's also the chair of the board. The Raiders. The Las Vegas Raider, or the Stadium Authority Board is the real name. And so he said it was all about how the Chamber engaged him, and he felt like they were providing value to him every from his time in the governor's office to the time he took over the stadium project to now as the chairman of the Convention and Visitors Authority. It goes back to your book. It Goes back to the beginning.
Yes.
Your book sits right next to My book, the 12 Steps of Marketing on my shelf at work.
Right. Because the connection is awesome. Yeah. And by the way, that's not something that I. The first time I decided I was going to write a book because I was a speaker. Yeah. And a executive coach. Life coach, whatever. I got into 23 pages and the book was over. Because I had nothing to say. Because I was writing a book for the wrong reason. But the second time I went to write this book was because it was a need. There was a want, like you're talking about. And that was a concept that this guy is super, super intelligent, but he is missing a very basic life concept.
Absolutely.
So I thought if he's missing that other. Must be missing this message. The world needs this message. So.
Yeah.
Well, let's do it. Let's do a trade off. So give me a. Give me a shondelism, you know, another.
Another shondalism is, Is here. Don't. Let me. Let me say this right, because I said it yesterday. You look in the rear view mirror for perspective and you look in the windshield for focus and opportunity.
Nice.
So when, when, when people, especially African Americans, I gotta give a shout out to my cousin because she keeps pinging me on.
Do it, do it. Hey, Gwen. Let her know.
Gwen, love you, baby. Thank you. She's in Newark, New Jersey.
And we all love you. Lisa, love you. She's off camera, but she loves you and I love you, so.
And I see a lot of people chiming in, so we love all y'.
All.
How about that?
Are they saying things that we want to get from Lisa?
She just said, look at my cousin doing his thing. I'm proud of you. Love you too, baby. But let me. Let me just tell you where that.
Comes from, because you are in the family and the village.
The family. For real. And she knows exactly what we're talking about because we were like super, super close. Like brother and sister more than cousins. Which is amazing.
I've got a number of cousins, in fact. Okay. I don't want to disrespect any cousins that I don't mention because in my cousin world, we're very, very, very tight. But one cousin that comes top of mind is my cousin Della and George. The Harrisons. I babysat her from the age 12 till I was 25. Wow. And I didn't take her on like she was just a job.
Yeah.
So I. I feel like a big brother to them because I literally spent summers with them.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
From changing her diaper. Now she's a doctor.
That they, that's real.
And, and her brother, I didn't change his diapers. But when he was two years old, he would come into the room. I was staying with my aunt and I was, I was an artist at the time and I had my drafting table up and he was a, the kid is, he's a, he's a musical kid. He's got a lot of energy and he feels great. Right? Yeah. And he would come to and I say, George, I said, he suggest, can I watch you draw? Yeah. I said, only if you don't say a word.
Right.
I said if you don't say a word, you can stay, but if you speak, you got to go.
Yeah.
This two year old, very vibrant two year old would sit there for two and three and four hours.
Wow.
And not say a word. He would honor the contract so he could watch me draw.
Wow.
But tell me what you think of.
That, you know, while I'm going there, tell me what you think I figured out. Right.
You know, and guess what? He's a better artist today than I was then and probably than I am now since I haven't been practicing. He now was an artist. This kid would watch me draw as a 2 year old and say nothing for hours.
Yeah.
And now he's an artist.
Because you form habits and kids, you know, come on young age. That's what they do. Like my, like my little granddaughter Riley. She just turned two. Yeah, right. We, we've been. Everybody seemed to buy her a microphone because she will sing the Wheels on the Bus. She sings it. It's not, it's not like the little kid version. She putting the Whitney touch on it. She.
Judy, Judy did that. Judy, Judy Garland, when we, when we saw her the movie did a little backstory. She was your granddaughter.
Yeah.
She started singing. Yeah. And they let her on stage once and she, she repeated the song. And she repeated the song. She, she, they had to pull off stage. She was singing, going off stage.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You remember the, the, the part in the movie with the Jacksons when Diana Ross is trying to get the microphone from Michael Jackson.
Right.
He's like yanking it.
Hey, that's real. That's your grandpa.
I'm go back to this because I want, I want people to think about this look, looking back on the perspective and thinking about how a lot of people can't move forward. That's why I put that.
Why is it that a lot of people can't.
A lot of people can't move forward because they get stuck. So if you're looking in the rearview mirror and you're saying, hey, slavery caused this. Civil rights caused this.
Right.
This caused that. This is the way. This is the reason I act. The way I act, or this is the reason why I am today. I have these. These feelings and emotions. 1. Most of those people were not there. Right, right. So. So this whole. And there's a lot of things, you know, with social media, you get on these different groups.
There's one.
One group that I became a part of because one of the young men that I know goes to my church and he put this group together and it was really talking about. But he is really trying to move black culture away from playing victim.
Okay.
He's saying, hey, let's stop talking about what happened and let's talk about how do you move forward.
Funny you should say that, because I say it this way, you're right. Which is just our kism. I wasn't thinking about.
Yeah.
Life is not about. A lot of people. Focus right where you're at. And I say life is not only about what has happened to you.
Right.
The true essence of life is found in what you do about what happens to you.
Exactly. And my father would say that all the time.
Now you can, you can, you can. You can spend a minute on it to assess what has happened.
Right.
But then you now need to shift over to what am I going to do about what has happened? Yeah.
And I.
That's where the energy is. Yes or no?
No. No, you're right.
That's spot on.
And on that. You're. On that note, you know, I'll use a Bobby as.
Okay.
That's my dad's name.
Okay.
That's Bobby.
Bring it.
Bobby.
Right.
So Bobby says, you know, the, the. The one thing he. And he, you know, you got. My father's from the 60s, 70s and that kind of thing. So he said one thing about being black. Black people don't have to talk about being black. The Negro talks about being black. A black person is who they are naturally. And they just have the behaviors of being proud and always feeling good about who they are and their heritage. And they're not going to define themselves through slavery and civil rights. They're going to define themselves from the origin of where they come from.
Funny you should say that. Funny you should say that.
They just say, hey, wherever we come from and who we are is who we need to be. Because I know you've heard this and I've heard this why are you not trying to be black or why are you trying to act white? Right. And that's what I'm trying to get people to see is like, don't go back in the rear view mirror and. Because if you drive like this, what's going to happen?
Oh, you're going to bump into something.
Something.
Soon.
Are you going to crash?
No. Soon.
Yeah.
But. So. So let's go back to where you talking about. Where we come from, an incident happened. I've shared this before with you and also probably even on one of our podcasts. Is. There's a. There's a major, heavy, tragic incident happened in my life that made me question who I am and am I okay with who I am? Am I proud of that?
Right.
My answer was, where do you come from? When I answered where I came from and I thought about that, where I. There's multiple things, places of where I come from, but the most predominant people can see was that place called Africa. I didn't come from there, but my ancestors, all of us, at some point came from there. But at the end of the day, I said to myself, I am not going to defend my blackness or how I feel about that to anybody from this point forward, I'm going to raise the game. I'm going to seek to. When I'm in a position of connecting with others, I want to get to a point where I can transcend the color, which is. I'm proud of who I am. There's nothing wrong with that. But I am not living just in this place of who I am.
Right.
Who am I becoming? I want to. And I decided it was language. And I'll say this. Everything rises and falls in language. The language that you use. Yeah. The language that you allow in. If you allow toxic language in, it'll have an effect on you. If you shut all that off, it's going to help you to keep that out.
Yeah.
And that little alter ego. So everything rises and falls in language. So then I said, if that's true.
Yeah.
Then I'm going to continue to elevate my ability to communicate to a level that when I'm engaged with you, would get beyond the color.
Right, Right.
Because that's not what it's about. Yeah. Because it's about whatever it's about.
And what's funny with that, Jess, is what are people always talking about? Diversity. Right.
Yeah.
And here. Here's another. Here's another Shonda Chandel ism. And I'll throw this at you. Diversity is not designed to actually Give you an advantage or put you on the field.
Okay.
Diversity is designed to level the playing field. Now if you go back so you're.
Not discriminated against, so you're not discreet, not. Not allowed.
You're not. Right. It allows you.
Way you look and where you come from, you're not allowed.
It allows you to say that.
Because here's how I put it. I dig that. I love what you said. I said like this. Everybody gets a card.
Yeah.
Or has an opportunity for a card.
Right. Right.
We live in a white Anglo Saxon male dominated society and or world. You can make an argument in either case definitely in the US and you can make that case in the world. Yeah. They have an automatic card from birth. Yeah. Now their cards can be revoked too. If they kill somebody or screw up or you know, whatever, they can be revoked, but they get it automatically. Our card has to be earned.
Right.
See, and I believe the best way to earn your car, your playing card in our world, so you can play so you, so you. This diversity thing you're talking about is to be able to articulate in a language that you are understood. To be able to be understood so people can understand you.
Yes.
Now you got a chance to play in the game. But if they can't understand what the hell you're saying.
Right. Right.
How are you going to get to.
Play with other people? And here's, here's the advantage. Yeah. Like people don't realize the. Is that you have an advantage with understanding various languages.
Absolutely. We can speak various languages, understanding various cultures, understanding various religions.
Because you can empathize.
What's wrong? Empathy. Empathy is one of the top five components of emotional intelligence.
There you go. Right.
Come on. That's one of the top five. So that's cool. So I love yours. So here's another. This is a gestochism. I got this from the book. I got it from Robert Gray and 50 cent of all places, to be honest with you. And the book was called the 50th law.
Right.
And it's called an impossible dynamic. I use quite often. I'm using it with you real quick. I'm going to read this one. Sometimes in life you find yourself in a negative situation that can't be improved no matter what you do.
Right.
You might find yourself working for people who are irrational. Their actions seem to serve no purpose apart from imposing their power and making you miserable.
Right.
Everything you do is wrong.
Yeah.
You can recognize this dynamic by your emotional need to somehow solve the problem.
Right.
Mixed with your complete Frustration and finding any kind of reasonable answer. In truth, the only viable solution is to terminate the relationship. No arguing, no bargaining, no compromising. You leave the job, there are always others. You leave the person. You leave the person who was tormenting you with as much finality as possible. Resist the temptation to feel any guilt. You need to create as much distance as possible so they cannot inveigle these emotions into you.
Right.
The relationship or matter must be terminated so you can go on with your life.
So let me tell you something about that. That's good. That is perfect. And I like the way you framed it, because I was in that situation, coming to Nellis Air Force.
Talk to me about it.
I was a single father.
Oh.
Actually, no. I got married to my ex wife. We had two kids at the time in high school. And Tiara was on her way shortly after the. Everybody in my unit bet against me, of course. Right.
The deck was stacked.
Right. So they're saying. But the only difference is I couldn't leave the situation. So let me tell people how to.
Deal with which situation. Could you not leave the marriage.
I can't leave the military.
Oh, got it. So.
So all of my superiors are saying.
You can't make it here.
Right.
But you couldn't leave because.
Because I'm in the military. I can't.
Because they won't.
I can't quit.
Yes, you can quit. Well, and then you go into jail.
Right, Exactly. I don't want to go leavenworth.
No, but you can quit.
Yeah, but that's not the option. Right, right. That's not the option. I'm not trying to go to jail. I didn't leave Brooklyn to come here.
To go to jail.
I could have did that in Brooklyn.
Right, right. Without going to the military. Exactly. Yeah.
I didn't want to do that detail.
Right.
But. But the thing, the thing that's important for people to note is when you say leave, you can actually leave the situation without actually leaving the place. Because I've been in that situation more times than not where even with stations, I couldn't quit my job because it was. It was taking care of my family. But I knew from my military experience how to leave mentally. And what I did.
That's a different concept. You're talking about being able to compartmentalize and put. Put down certain challenges that are beyond you, carrying with you everywhere. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, well, I. I totally dismissed their perceptions of me.
You never allowed and never. Their negativity. Well, that goes.
And I felt it.
That goes back to the language you allow in.
Exactly.
You refuse. Yeah. You block that.
And. But I saw a lot of people who. And I know, I know this happens to especially a lot of minorities. A lot of minorities get an attitude because they go into a situation, whether it's a woman, whether it's a black person or Hispanic or whoever, they go into a situation and they allow other people to control. So another thing that they don't realize.
They'Re allowing other people to control Shondale. So let's say this.
Yeah.
They're allowing in that dialogue, which then does take space and can relate to control.
So one of my mentors said, don't let other people rent space in your mind.
Okay, wait a minute.
So that was one that dude you got stuck with.
That's in my notes. You got me all over the place. Give me a second. Where's that? Okay, check it out. What you just said.
Yeah.
This came from Quincy Jones and Ray Charles. Okay. I know you're gonna dig. You just said it.
And this is how they said it. They were best friends. Yeah.
Yeah. This is how they said it. Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me.
Yeah. That's fact.
But. And they live that concept.
And imagine. Imagine me being 18 years old thinking that way. Like. Right.
Way ahead of your time. Imagine you thinking that way. Imagine these guys thinking this way in the 40s and 50s. Yeah. And 60s. Because Quincy Jones. Because he thought this way. Old blue eyes said, I need me some Quincy Jones. You remember who old blue Eye asked? Frank Sinatra. He became the orchestra band. Right, right. But he attracted the likes of a Frank Sinatra who was a major superstar. Sinatra wanted to raise his game and he heard of Quincy and he heard some of Quincy's stuff. He brought him in to be his band.
Quincy is without a doubt the most celebrated, in my opinion, the best producer of all time.
And he's so universal. He's got so much. So I love that not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me.
And I'm tell you, people have a problem with me because of that.
Because when people do, they think you have an attitude.
They think I'm arrogant. And I'm telling them it's not that I don't. I don't value your opinion, but I really don't.
Let me ask you something. Why do you think that? Why do you think they think you're arrogant?
I think because most people want you to feel. They want you to have a certain feeling about them, especially the people that I'm around.
Right.
So if I'm around, like, I remember when the president of stations, we had a new CEO in, and he called a meeting on the 4th of July and he sat down with us and he said, hey, you know, guys, you know, it's gonna be a new day. We're gonna do this, we're gonna do that. He gave his whole speech, and I sat back and I said, okay, that's all good, but did you have to, you know, cut me away from my barbecue to do that? You know, that's not arrogance. That's like, real. Like, I'm saying, he. They're thinking that. I'm not thinking they're important, but I'm not. Not devaluing their importance. I'm saying, hey, I have my own views, my own way, my own. And so a lot of politicians have problems with that.
Well, what I'm seeing, Sean, don't. I could be wrong. And I'll accept everything that you're saying, but I think the real dichotomy or the real challenge is not that they think that you're arrogant. I think the real challenge is that you possess confidence.
Yeah.
And sometimes if that. If people don't get that and don't understand where that's coming from, they mistake confidence for arrogance.
That's that. Yeah, I agree with that.
You are not arrogant. You are very confident. And you're also well read. You're also well spoken. You're also well seasoned. When I say seasoned, I'm talking. I'm not just trying to blow you up. This is just the truth of who you are. I'm telling you, keep blowing a kid. Get on back to the Snoop Dogg. No, so. So what I'm saying about that is that. That is what. In fact, that is a gestochism. That's called power of presence. Okay. You have a power of presence.
Let me hear that.
Here. Here come power.
That's a shondilism.
A person who possesses the power of presence lights up a room and their energy is attractive and alluring. People want to get to get close to people who have great energy, a super attitude, and a communication style that is inviting. Power of presence heightens leadership style.
Is that right?
So you have a power of presence, and there are certain people that don't know how. It feels like an anomaly.
Yeah, yeah.
It feels like because of all this dark skin that shouldn't be present there.
Agreed.
Yes.
Yes.
And that's where the problem.
Yeah. And the funny thing is, just somebody asked me on. On Saturday is that only you are bold enough to Wear an orange suit with a green top.
Exactly.
See, Right. But. But what makes me bold enough, because at the end of the day, I'm saying this is what I feel. This is what I like. This is how. And I know Quincy Jones feels that way because you can't be the master. And then by the trendsetter that Ray Charles was.
Right. Oh, amazing. Broke all kind of barriers.
Oh, yeah. Broke all kind of barriers. You can only do that by owning this.
Now check this out. Now here's the thing. Let's be real. Let's go universal. This is not simply a black conversation.
No, no, no, it's not.
Because everyone has their own crosses to bear.
Right? Every.
I say it this way, there's nothing just. Just autism. Everybody is to something.
Right.
For somebody.
But with those, those two gentlemen, what I love about the fact that those. What you said, the 40s and 50s, think about the time to be universal at that time. And they still have ropes to be Jim Crow.
No, no ropes and Jim Crow. They're three bathrooms.
Right.
There's. There's men, women in color.
Right, Right. That's what I'm saying. So for them to have that mindset at that time and, and for people way cutting edge for people today to go backwards and say and, and kind of take away that because, because I keep hearing this. They, they, they. And who is that? Who the heck are they?
Yeah. Why do I care? You know who they is? They. They are the ghost that you allow in. Yeah. The stuff that you said.
Why do I care?
You don't care. But. But what I want people to understand that's listening to this is everybody has their own cross to bear. Everybody is too something for someone. Yeah. Too tall, too short, too short, too fat, too fat, too thin, too smart, too dumb, too ethnic, too religious, too pretty, too ugly. Everybody is too something for some. So black people do not own the right to burdenship. I believe this is a universal spreading. So everybody is to something for someone. So anybody listening to our podcast, when you listen to this, when we do say that it's not. We're not specifically talking about black people only. We're talking about from a perspective of which we've lived it.
Exactly.
We realize that you too maybe have crosses to bear. The challenges. I mean, think about, think about Renee West. Yeah. Renee west, the first female president of a Fortune 100500 property in the hospitality in Vegas, Excalibur, Luxor, man. Yeah. Can you imagine how many crosses to bear that woman had?
I know. You know what? Because here's the thing. Here's what. Here's what. What I know she had to deal with in a male dominated industry, in a male dominated position.
Now, white male dominated, not male dominated. Okay.
So let's. Let's say that. But I'll tell you this is if you and I. Because only because I bear this cross from another perspective she beared it from. I'm in charge of all these people who have been in this industry for quite a while, and they're saying, how dare you put this woman in charge of us? I knew. I knew Renee. I know exactly what.
How dare you put this woman.
That's what she Dare you.
That's what. That's what she had. That's what she had to deal with. Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And you know why I relate to that so well?
Yeah.
Because I was at the premium space in the marketing world right. Inside the Bellagio, and I had five different bosses. Mm. And one of my bosses called me in.
Mm.
And said, you know, I'm just gonna put it to you like this. Our average client is 65 to 70 year old old white man. And we're getting complaints about you from them.
Right.
Here's what I'm gonna need you to do. The only way you're gonna get to stage S. Yeah. You need to dumb it down.
Wow. Wow. You did the dumb at that.
Now what did that or you're not going to get this day.
What does that mean?
You are showing up too intelligently for people with your skin color and they're not used to that.
See, see, I don't believe that. I don't. You know, but.
But wait a minute. So you. You coached me. What am I going to do? I want the job. I love the job. I'm happy being there. How do I dumb it down? Yeah.
How do you dumb.
I'm asking you to help me.
Right.
What do I do?
Well, you don't. I mean, I wouldn't dumb it down. And here.
But. But I want to keep the job. Yeah. So what do I say to him?
Well, I mean, what do you say? Or do you keep the job? But I know you kept the job.
As long as I could. I kept it beyond that.
Right. Right. So to me, see, one of the issues, the issue that I had was not necessarily race, it was age. That's another.
That's another cross to bear. Yeah.
What I found one of my mentors and one of my bosses, Kevin Kelly, told me one time, he said, you are. You've been in this industry a lot less in time. Than most of these folks.
Right.
So when I got promoted to marketing director, right. He said there will be people who. There will be more people who will not like the fact that you're young, but also they will think that you're on, you're in it, you're not, you're not, you don't.
And also that you don't deserve a position. And so who do you know?
Who do I know?
Right.
As opposed to what do I know? Right. And so I had. I had to learn how, again, to block out that noise, do what Quincy. Quincy Jones and what Ray Charles was talking. Yeah. And I had to just, you know, hey, this. I've earned this. I worked my tail off. I figured it out maybe a lot sooner than you did. Just because it took you 15 years and it took me three and a half or four. Right. That's not my problem. Right. That's not my cross to bear.
Right. My.
My thing is I am going to do the best that I can. And me. And what you see today, if you drive down the road on the 95 and you see Santa Fe Station, me and a couple of people especially, I give a lot of props to Steve Arcana. Steve Arcana was my general manager and president, and he had a mind that was very creative. We did some amazing, fun things at that property. In fact, today, and I'll just give you this. There's a nightclub called Chrome Nightclub, right. In Santa Fe. When we were there years ago, we, you know, we tried to turn a lounge into a nightclub. We did successfully. We had people coming, but it didn't have the night. We. We didn't have. At that time. We didn't have the capital investment, right. To make it what it is today, like a nightclub. But we did well with the. What we had. We did the same thing at Texas Station with the Armadillo Lounge.
Okay.
We turned it into almost like a nightclub atmosphere with Love Shack. I don't know if you remember that.
I do. I do.
So we were innovative. But now today, what people see is something different. But it comes back to what Quincy Jones and what Ray Charles said. Don't allow people to get in your mind and then tell you what is real. Ray Charles to me, you know, said, if I want to do country music, I'm going to do country.
Right, Right. And he did it.
Well, don't tell me that I can't do country music.
Right.
Because you're looking at the color of my skin.
And that's how they did it. From that statement, not one drop of My self worth depends on your acceptance of me.
And what his mom say in the movie. His mom told him, don't let anybody treat you like a cripple.
Nice. Yeah, yeah, nice.
So very nice. Even though he was blind, even though.
He had other things, he had power of presence.
Yeah, power, presence.
Well, well, let's give him, let's. That's good stuff. Let's give him a few more. I'm gonna pop one off and then, then you give me a Chandel ism before I do that. Lisa, is there anybody commenting that we need to hear or share or say anything?
Okay, yeah, I see Joe. Joe Hernandez. So Joe Hernandez, Branch Hernandez Insurance. You know, he said, I feel you, bro. You know, what do you feel, Joe? But yeah, anybody who wants to, you know, comment, we definitely want to engage.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead. If Sean don't gets a comment, he will actually.
Yeah, bring that out. And then, you know, a lot of you that are listening, it really is our, our experiences and, and what we've gone through and what we've seen. Jess and I have a lot of things in common.
Completely.
Right.
Especially for coming on from grown upon two totally different coasts.
Yeah. Yeah.
East coast to the west coast, goes.
To the west coast. It's amazing. But it's amazing. Even our journey, right.
All the journey and going through working.
And gaming and hospitality and never knew.
Each other during that process.
Not at all. And then entrepreneurship.
Right, Same thing. Same thing.
And then, you know, we both sat back and said we're going to marry some beautiful. Incredible.
Yeah.
So hey, you know, shouts out to Arlene and Lisa.
Absolutely. I can tell you that my life is in a very different place because of connecting with her. Absolutely.
I just think they're very lucky.
And Arlene, he said it. I didn't.
You didn't hear that from me.
So I'm going to use practical intelligence is one of the ones I'm going to bring up. Your practical intelligence. That, that is another one of the just talk isms that I learned through my reading is the ability that individuals use to find the best fit between themselves and the demands of the environment. This may also be viewed as common sense. Right, Common sense, practical intelligence. So we believe in the cues. We believe in eq Emotional intelligence, PQ Practical intelligence. Of course, everybody knows iq. We also believe in sq, Social intelligence.
Right.
We believe in blending and managing the balance of those cues. So that's, that's a. What do you think of that just.
Talk ism, you know, in balance. Say it one more time.
Say so I'm gonna read this one and then I'll say it. So practical intelligence is the ability that individuals use to find the best fit between themselves and the demands of the environment. This may also be viewed as common sense.
So the demands of the environment and then like common sense. And then some, some people will say common sense is not common. Right.
Common sense is not very common. Right.
And it's just relevant to the person that you are or the person you have become.
Right.
You know, common sense. I'll give you an example. When I first came to Las Vegas, I would hang out in what my, my superiors called shady places.
Okay.
But that was common sense to me then because I came out of Bedford Stuyvesant where that shady press, shady places didn't really. Didn't feel shady to me. It felt like home. Right. Right now with maturity and growing up, if, if the, if the 51 year old Shondale could talk to the 18 and 19 year old Shondale, I would not be in those places because I would see what they were seeing.
Right.
I couldn't see it then.
Right.
So common sense is all relative to your experience, your, your, your wisdom, your, your growth and understanding. What you know, because we say that to our kids. Why does that make sense to you?
Right.
Where's your common sense?
Right. Right.
And sometimes it. What I've learned in raising now grown, grown adults, Right. They're, they're our youngest is now 29. And what I've learned is they have to go through some of those experiences. You can fuss at them, yell at them, hey, why are you doing this? Why are you hanging with this person? Why are you doing that? They have to go through that to make it common sense to them.
For sure. For sure. I get that. And so that's the reason why it's not so common because it's based on experience and so forth. And also, even if you have the experience, do you enroll that knowledge from the experience? Some people have the experience, but they don't roll the knowledge from that experience. So, so that, then they, they're lacking that common sense.
They haven't, they have insanity. What's the definition of insanity?
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Yeah, that's what they do. Exactly like.
And many people do that. Yeah, many people do that. Funny you should say that because that's. That what you just said reminds me of another one. I'm not sure if I can, if I can find it quickly, I'll do it. But that reminds me of another one. That I put down about labor.
Let's see.
I know what. Here, check this out. Labor. Stop expecting amazing results with minimal effort. Yeah, that's a big one.
Stop.
Stop expecting amazing results with minimal effort.
Right.
You know. You know where I got that from? Where? It came through me, so I put my name on it.
Okay.
I was dealing with a client in a session, and I had let them do their thing, and I was fed up with where we were. Yeah. And I said to them, never said it before. Stop expecting amazing results with minimal effort.
Right.
I said, oh, wait a minute. That's pretty good.
So I'm gonna tell you, Jess, I always start off my entrepreneurial training with Thessalonians 3 and 10.
Okay.
And a lot of people, you know, say, well, what is that?
Right.
If a man is not willing to work, he shall not eat.
Okay.
If you don't put in work, maybe you need to starve to death.
Right?
Okay. At the end of the day, you have to put in work.
So you might have to get to the edge of it to realize it's time to step it up.
That's right.
Fair enough. We'll check this. I like that one. Here's another one that ties in that one. Do you know what the cost of success is?
Do you?
Time.
Yeah.
You got to put in the work. Like you just said, you got to do the work.
And time meaning not the time that you. You say, hey, I got to put in, you know, eight hours, five hours, eight hours, or whatever. It's the time that is required to either grow your business, grow, help your. Help your clients or customers. It's the time that is required or needed. So when you go into. When you go into the military, you are service oriented because you're saying, I'm serving the country, right. So I'm serving based on the need of the country. Right? So we don't even question when someone calls us and says, hey, you got to work this weekend because we're getting ready to go bomb Iraq. Right. We don't even question that. But we didn't. We also didn't question in gaming, hospitality. Right? Right. Nobody ever questioned, like, somebody asked my wife one time, why are you working on Mother's Day? She said, because the buffet is busy. Right, Right. That's the thing that people don't think about when you're an entrepreneur. And I met with a bunch of business owners yesterday, and I said, do you put the time in and the energy in? Because the question I got from this group was, how is it that you're successful in business, and we're struggling in being successful in business. And I showed them what I do, and I said, are you willing to do these things?
There you go. Are you willing to do the work, figure out what the work is?
Are you willing to sit in an LBCVA meeting for two hours? Are you willing to sit in the city council meeting for three hours? Are you willing to do all of these things? And are you willing to put the time and effort in to make yourself successful? Are you willing to build the relationships and maintain those relationships?
Right.
Are you willing to go to a green tie awards, spend, you know, three or four hours with, you know, MGM and Southwest Airlines and all these different people? And not that you're being phony or fake, because you got. I told them all the time. You got to be real with it.
No, that's what, that's what we. That's what Lisa and I call relationship marketing.
That's it.
Some people call that networking. Nothing wrong with that. I personally, I particularly am not a networker. I don't see it that way because networking, to me, whenever I used to do that in the past, was about trading business cards. And they forget who you are, don't care.
I never subscribed.
But relationship marketing is about building relationships with others.
So relationships.
Real relationship. Exactly. And so we actually. We don't just say it, we actually put it into practice. And we have a system to help guide us.
Right.
We have our power connector five five plus 50 plus 100. Our top five.
Yeah.
Our key 50 and our vital 100. We have their names and the contact information. And monthly we cycle through, we have a rule. We have to touch those five people. Those top five, we have to touch them twice a week, some way, phone call, drop by, Chotchki, pop by, email, whatever, Whatever it is. Something meaningful.
Yeah.
The key 50, we have to touch twice a month.
Yep.
And the. Sorry. Yeah. And the vital 100.
Right.
We have to touch once a month.
Right.
Consistently.
Right.
That's how we keep up.
And, you know, basically what you've done is really describe you. Like you said, you look at relationship marketing. If I was to describe the 12 steps of marketing in my world, it would be that, like, branding to me is all about relationship. It's relationship to your product or service, it's relationship to your company. It's all relationship built because. And it just goes from a place where we break it all the way down. And to me, the reason why most small businesses fail, because it was designed for the small business owner, the Small business fails because they have a failure to connect with the clients, customer service, customers, and prospects that they need to keep constant cash flow.
Right. And to realize the value of that connection.
Yes. You got to. They got to realize value. It's not. Hey, you're buying. You don't want. You don't want to become transactional. You want to become relational.
Check it out. Right. You know this answer. Mm. What's the best time to serve a client? When they need you or when you need them?
When they need you, obviously. Right.
That's what you're saying. A lot of us think that because we have a great product.
Yeah.
Here it is. Take it. Why aren't you consuming my product? Well, you. You don't. You never know when it's the best or perfect time for others. That's why you got to do this trial touching. You just never know when that very thing that you have, that offering that you put all that time and energy into, it's perfect for someone.
Sure. Before. Yeah, Before. Before I joined the Urban Chamber, I was asked that question. Why are you not a member of the Urban Chamber?
Right.
And I said, why should I be? They said, well, because you're black. And I said, so I should join every organization because I'm black? Right, Right. So what. What does that mean to me? Like, I'm a business owner. I'm trying to grow my business.
Sure. I'm not trying to grow my blackness.
Right. I'm not trying to prove that either. Right. So you got to come better than that. And that's where we go back to that value proposition.
Right.
Oh, Shondell, you should join the Chamber because we have an opportunity to grow your business. We have an opportunity to help you.
Reach, which is a whole different. Whole different impetus for you doing.
Yes, yes, I get it. So when the opportunity came for me to even join the board and later become the chair, that was the main thing that I focused on. What is the why? What? Why do people want to join? When we met and talked about how you. How you make people feel.
Right.
That's important. That's the most important piece in business. That's the most important piece in branding.
Yeah. It really is. It's funny you should say that, because I. Lisa introduced me to a number of really cool people. First off, Stacy and Mark Chamberlain. This is the story I want to share really quickly is there's a new term I'm going to lay on you that I just got from him just a few weeks ago, because I had lunch with him, and we were having a conversation and he brought up this term and I'm going to share it with you in a second. And it was a brilliant term. It would have taken me forever to think of that. You know, we have the breakthrough success plan, and you know, that's our new signature product, how we help people, wherever they're at, figure out how to. Yep, exactly.
Yeah.
The colors of Epic Communication. Yeah, the colors of Epic Communication was an introduction to one of the modules of that. So. Exactly. Yeah. So in the breakthrough success Plan, there's a component of that, if you buy the middle package where you get nine weeks of connecting up to 90 minutes, whoever has purchased that program, you get nine weeks of that. Yeah. And we call those strategy sessions.
Well, tell me a little bit.
Let me, I mean, let me, let.
Me play with this a little bit since you brought it up.
Okay.
All right, so. So we, I know we're talking about our, our isms, but I wanna, I wanna, I want you to tell me about this.
So he's changing. Of course. I'll finish this story.
I'm shifting course. That's right. I'm taking privilege, whatever that is. I'll play. I'll play the privilege.
Okay.
Okay. So my core color is red. Secondary color yellow.
Yes.
Third color blue. Fourth color, white.
Yes. That means that your first color is you are get it done kind of guy. You reds are motivated by the power of movement, of getting things done. So your driving core motive. Dcm, your driving core motive is to get things done.
Right. Right.
Okay. And you typically are noted for being right because you will do your homework to make sure that you are right. Are you right all the time? No. But are you right a lot? Yes. So that's your driving promote. That's why you do what you do. Your secondary is yellow. That yellow. That yellow is people that are yellow. They're driving promotive is fun. That's why you're so quick to make a joke and you're so quick to laugh and you do this without even thinking about it.
Right.
You'll laugh and think it's funny even if we don't.
Right.
You don't care that we don't. You really don't care.
True.
You would like it if we think it's funny, but if we don't, you're not offended. You think it's funny and that's good enough. Yeah. So your secondary is yellow. So what's your percentage on your red?
64.
64%. What's your percentage on your yellow?
19.
Nice. So you're talking about 64 and 19.
Yeah.
Yep. Lisa just brought this.
Did she get to.
You would have gotten these if you come to the event. So you get to take your little caricatures with you.
Right.
This is what Lisa. This is his primary red. And this is the image of what red is.
One more time. So that's in important.
Reds are motivated by the power of getting things done.
Power of getting things.
They like the movement, they like to excel. They like to. That's where the excel. That's where they come from. And so though that's. That's what, that's why you do what you do.
Yeah.
And you've got 64 and almost 20. So that's like 84, 85% of your primary and secondary is in the red and yellow. Yeah. So that's how you're likely going to show up based on the circumstances. Your third color is blue. Blues are motivated by intimacy, meaning they like being understood.
Right.
Which is. Which is also part of your carrot diagonal.
Yeah.
And then your last is white. How much white do you have?
Six.
So you have six. Six percent white. White's are motivated by inner peace and conflict. And just because that's not your primary doesn't mean that that's not part of who you are. But that's not what drives your engine. If somebody wants a fight.
Right.
With you, they're going to get one.
Oh yeah, for sure.
If someone wants to fight with Lisa, it's 50. 50. She can fight, but she prefer not to. You have a feet button. They're gonna get. They. Right, right, right.
They gonna just get white.
Yeah.
By the way, Jesse has 3% white. So there again, you guys are very similar.
Let me see.
What. Where's Jesse? He's in here. Yeah, he's here. He's. I saw him. I saw him.
Blue, Red.
Where are you? You blue? Red too.
Yeah, right.
So you're blue first.
Yeah. And red.
Okay.
Primary blue, secondary red. Right.
Well, I'll tell you why, why I wanted you to do that. Because that segue, not that is necessarily necessarily a commercial or anything.
No, no.
Here's what I've learned throughout the many, many years. Understanding of self, understand yourself. Will allow you to deal better with others.
And that's color codes, model. Color codes. Model come from the color code we didn't talk about.
Let's just say this again.
Yes, we didn't talk about it. No.
Right.
No, we have not talked about it ever. Till right now. Yeah. Because I was ill and we live it.
I was supposed to be at this, right?
Yeah. And color code says when you get self, you get others. So the whole goal is for you to get yourself first, Know your strengths, know your limitations, know your wants, know your needs. When you take the color code assessment.
Right.
You will get a roughly a 38 to 40 page. This is. This is. These are Shondale's results. Okay. All of these. This book is so new.
That book is about this brother.
Yeah. This is. This is all about Shondale's results.
That's right.
It's his wants and his needs. So.
So let me just tell you guys something. So this is how connected we are without even.
Without ever having a conversation.
The big thing. So what you see here is the color of the colors of epic communication. What does epic mean?
That means what? That. What that means is definition. That means brought huge.
Right. So. So imagine this.
Imagine advanced communication.
My mother used to say, and my mother was an educator for many years, the best tool you can have is the tool of communication. Absolutely. Because now you can deal with many other things and you can. You can navigate many things. And what I'm telling people is understanding. So it says, what hue are you.
What.
What is the first chapter in the 12 steps of marketing? Tell me, what is your DNA there?
It is. This. This is your DNA also. Yes. This is it.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
And when you get yourself. Because you.
Because here's what most people do, Jeff. They start in marketing and they go, who is my target market? I'm saying, what do you mean? Who is your target market?
Who are you?
Who the heck are you? Right, Right. You can't. You can't go chasing.
Why should we buy from you, Lisa. Right.
Without understanding who Jess is. No. Right. You got to know who you are in order to make your results happen the way you want them to happen.
Yes. And when you understand the generalities of those four driving core motives in yourself. Yeah. First for you, specifically to you. Then when you look at the general description, what that is, and you learn those.
Yeah.
Now you can recognize those and others. And the goal is to learn to speak the language of others. Yeah. And using the color code methodology.
And I want to tell people how dead on this is, because if I'm in a room with people who are not trying to solve a problem.
Right.
I am leaving.
Right.
If you're not in a room with me and you're saying if you're just complaining the whole time. And this is another issue people might have with me. If all you want to do is complain for two hours. If you complain for me, just me, I don't care. Whatever anybody else want to do. You, You. You reflect for about 15 minutes, maybe. Maybe 10. But the rest of the time, if we got an hour, the rest of the time is solving that problem. If we. And I've had this problem in many boards, many committees, and that's why I have.
Well, they filibuster the whole time. Yeah.
I'm like, really? We go. We gonna talk about the same problem for about two hours.
Yeah. And 92 different complexions of it.
Sense to me.
No.
And so I will stop somebody quickly. Right? And sometimes that's where. That's where me and Arlene, like, Arlene is a. A person, you know, in our family that everybody comes to and vents. Even my kids, they're like, well, I'm gonna talk to my.
Right. You know why? You know why? Because she'll listen.
Yeah, she'll listen. I'm sitting back saying, okay, son, I've heard enough. Okay. Yeah, I got. Got the gist. Right.
Okay.
What you gonna do about it?
Right? Right. What did I say about. Life is not just about what happens to you. What are you gonna do about it?
What are you gonna do about it? Right?
And then the other thing you just echoed again as that toxic language, see that? Filibustered about the negativity of it all without looking for solutions. At some point, you do want to hear the basis of what is the challenge. But once you've got the basics down and the basis of whatever that is. Now let's move into how do we correct this? And to your point, you're not going to allow a filibuster to go on. On your time in your watch, you give it sufficient time, and then you don't want to hear anymore because you've heard enough.
And what you've said, too, is also true, is that I like research. I like facts. Things have to be based in facts. I don't want to hear conjecture. I get your opinion. Right. And I get your experience, and I get what you talk about. But what are the facts? Tell me what. Tell me why we're doing this.
Right?
Tell me, why are we having this conversation? And I want to know the facts. Right? So it's dead on what I'm.
And that's funny you should say that, because when you deal with reds, you want to deal with facts. Don't deal with the red without the facts.
Yeah.
Let me read you some of the red strengths here. Not. Not yours in general.
And this Go. And just by, you know, just for the audience, this goes right into your isms. Because what you have to think about is why. Why do you form all of these different. I would say some of your characteristics, some of the. The way you base your decisions is on those isms. You base your decisions and. And who you deal with based on those isms. That.
And how you deal with.
How you deal with.
So your specific strengths. And this is. This is showing the results for Shondell for his strengths from the color code because he took the assessment. Your red strengths are articulate, visionary, pragmatic, confident, decisive, a leader. Focus.
Hey, Raven, Is that right? Raven? Let me see Raven on there. Raven, is that right? Tell them. Is that right? Anybody on there who knows me? Is that on? I don't know.
They're going to say yes, and I'm going to say yes. That's yes. Now these two. Yeah. Now your limitations. I'm going to give you a qualifier. These were your limitations as young as you can remember. Now, life may have taught you to stop doing some of these to some degree or a large degree, but let me tell you what your limitations are so we can play fair. Limitations on the red primary, always right. Calculating, bossy, critical of others, demanding, impatient, argumentative, overly aggressive and intimidating. Now, intimidating is one where most almost. If I ask 10 reds.
Yeah.
If I. If 10 reds have intimidating on. Under their limitation.
Yeah.
What do you think? Ten reds tell me that other people.
Are intimidated by me because of.
No, they say they're not intimidating. Well, they say. They say they're not intimidating.
No, I. No, I would say I'm not intimidating. I would say that. But I think others would think I'm intimidating.
Absolutely.
Yes. And so, yeah, I would say I'm not intimidating. I would.
You know why? Because you were being. Because you were being ready. And all the things that. That would make you intimidating. Because here's why. Here's why you're intimidating.
Yeah.
If. If. If you haven't blown that out some people because you. The goal is to blow out the limitations. But here's why you're intimidating because look at all the. Look at all the positive characteristics of red. Proactive, productive, decisive, assertive, action oriented. These are positive. Yeah. Determined, responsible, leader, focused, powerful, visionary.
And I think we're intimidating because we are assertive. We are those.
That's what I'm telling you. So listen. So listen. So these things are bossy, right?
Here's what happens.
But bossy. Bossy is. Bossy is not a positive back here, right? But I'm talking, I'm going universal. I'm supporting. Why you feel intimidating to others. Yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
That doesn't mean you really are. But that's how they feel. Because most people don't do all of this well.
And I'm telling you, it's funny.
That's a lot of work.
No, And I'm going to tell you what's funny about that, is that's how I got to gaming and hospitality.
Right.
Really? That was Felix.
Okay, wait a minute. Stop it. Stop it. Told me.
Okay, let me get your ism.
Yeah. You just did it. You just did it.
Remind me, because I'm getting old, what Felix told me.
Okay, hold on. I know.
You remind me, Lisa, because I think it's important that people tie that. This is why it's so important that people.
Here it is. Here's why. Here's your why.
Yeah.
Not to cut you off. Here it is. You said all these things. I said that you are. Yeah, you said, well, that's what I had to do for gaming.
Yeah.
I got this from the movie Waves. Waves is a new movie. This out. I got it from watching just a trailer. Okay. And they said this. These are black cops. These are cops. And these are. This segment is about a black cop, senior cop, that a new female black cop comes on board and he's having a conversation. He can see she's struggling. So he says this to her, being above. Being above average. And he says this, we are not afforded the luxury of being average.
Average.
No.
That's a fact.
That's You. That's why you like that. So.
So the reason, and this is funny because Felix Rappaport, who you know.
Yep.
Right.
I do.
Passed away about a year ago, unfortunately. Young guy still, you know, was at Foxwoods.
Yes.
But he was at his last stop. He had been with him. Stations. I got. That's how I got to stations.
And he was a president back then.
Yeah, yeah, he was big. You know, Steve. Steve wins. Right hand man kind of thing at that, before he got with resorts and international kind of thing. But the big thing to me was he said the reason why I recruited you out of the military is because how you played football. Now, the way I played football was that way. It wasn't that I was even a captain. I could be a captain without being. Having to see on my chest.
Right. Of course.
So when I went on the field.
Because you were a leader. Yeah.
And it was. And it wasn't something I was.
Leadership leader is a natural part of who you are.
Right. That's. My point is, like, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't want to walk on the field and be that person, but it was forced upon me because when I saw people make and I see, I do just. I do this now sitting on the couch. I sit down the other day watching, and my wife, she goes in the other room because I can sit on the couch and go, now, why did idiot do that? Why didn't he do this? Who's not studying the film? Because to me, playing football is just the same. Everything that I do has to have a strategy. So if you. If I see people making. I'm okay with you making physical mistakes, but mental mistakes drive me crazy because.
They'Re not doing the work.
So. So the other night, I'm watching. You know, I'm a big Giant fan. I'm watching the Cowboys. I can see. Because I played defensive back, I'm like.
What is this dude do?
I know he's a rookie, but this is your job, dude.
Right.
Pay attention. So. So my thing was. And so I played that way, and Felix, being on the sideline because MGM Resorts supported, was actually a sponsor of our team.
Sure.
And so, you know, the Treasure island and all those folks came out and Felix came out and he said, what I noticed about you is when you saw things, you corrected people on the spot, Right. You were like, hey, you were supposed to be here. You were supposed to be here. Because the truth is. The truth is you can have a team. You can have 11 guys who are superstars, but if they don't work in. In concert with each other and they.
Don'T move, they're not gonna win.
It's not gonna happen. It's just like a band, right? If one person's playing one tune and somebody's also another sheet of music, it doesn't work.
It's called Drumline. One band, One band, one sound.
That's the movie, right?
Yeah.
And so my mind works like that. Everybody who is everybody got frustrated. Not. Not everybody, but a lot of people got frustrated on the field because I'm seeing these things and they can't see them. Right.
They're just saying they cannot see them. And for you, it's native. It's a driving core motive to be in tune with that already. That's what the dcm, that's what color code is about. Understanding your driving core motives and the driving core motives of others. Right. When you can speak the language of others, what do you think happens with that situation? In terms of language and communication, it all elevates. Yeah, completely. Yeah, completely. So. Yeah. And I know we have. We're running out of time, so I'm going to flip over the back and there's no limit on our. Oh, I know, I know, I know. Here you go. So let's, Let me see. I'm just going to pull off a quick. Here's what I want to share with you. This is, this is a just, it's not a just talk ism, but this came off a new language. Therapists, our job is to deepen their understanding of their dilemmas and nothing more. See, a lot of people go to therapists thinking they're going to get fixed and corrected. That's not their job. Therapist says our job is to deepen their understanding of their dilemma and nothing more. When I read that, I went, holy smokes. Wow. Yeah, I thought that was a while. Versus coaching is what coaching is about. First we want to hear what's going on. Want to get a foundation for it.
A voice behind the curtain, by the way, is not the wizard of Oz.
Right, right, right, right. That's good. And then we want to know, what are you going to do about it?
Right.
What's the action?
And look, don't, don't gloss over coaching. I want you to think about this.
Okay?
The one main reason why most people do not succeed in business or succeed in work is because they don't have a good coach.
Yeah.
Because I'm just going to keep it real. Yeah. They, they, they, they, they can't see themselves. They can go to therapy.
Yeah.
They can identify all the problems. Again, it goes back to what is my pet peeve. People can identify problems, can identify issues, but they don't solve anything. They are, they are broken for 30 years.
Right.
25, 30. I'm broken. I'm doing the same.
Right.
And I remember this, this, this was a perfect thing for one of my younger sons. He said, pop, I keep having a problem with this woman. I said, you've been having that problem for a long time.
Right.
I said, you've been dating the same woman. He said, no, no, Pop, I've, I've had three girlfriends.
And Right.
Since, you know, I said, no, you're dating the same woman, son, kind of one.
No.
I said, no. Let me explain to you. That woman is just like the last woman. Like the. Maybe that's the wrong style. Maybe that's the wrong woman for you.
Maybe character, wrong nature.
Yeah, maybe it's all wrong. So when you get therapy or you get a solution or you get coaching or you get mentoring. You have to pay attention to what people are doing and do something about.
It and be willing to enroll the intelligence that you get, not just hear it.
Yeah. I don't. I don't mind people being ignorant, but I hate when they're stupid.
Yeah.
And to me, the difference is ignorance.
To me is you don't know.
I don't know. But stupid to me is you know.
And you don't do better, but you.
Won'T want to do it. And you. You. You. You choose to be ignorant.
Right, right, right.
Yeah. I mean, what's that? What's that? Kirk Franklin has a song, I Just Want to be Happy. Right. And. And. And he's saying you're in one of the lines. He says you're addicted to the pain.
Yeah. Some people are.
You're addicted to the pain. You. You. You don't want to do anything about your life. You keep complaining.
It's called codependency.
I just want to be happy. Victim.
Yeah, Victim and codependency.
Victim mentality. Right. So coaching to me is of huge value. And people. And so what's funny is I hear people say, even in our services, but people say this, well, I can't afford it. I say, you can't afford not. Because guess what? If you get the right coaching and you get the right mentoring, you will automatically excel. Absolutely. You will get a better job. You will have a better life. You have less stress. You have most of the. Most of my. And I tell people all the time, success for me is not what I've done right. It's learning from what I've done wrong.
Well said. Well said. And using those lessons and enrolling those lessons and throwing away the loss. Well, this. This reminds me of you, too. Then in human endeavor, chance favors the prepared mind. Yeah. I got that from a fortune cookie.
Yeah. Yeah.
Believe it or not. And then this one also reminds me of you as well as I learned. I can't remember where I learned this one from a. Going on a learning safari. That's people who love learning to go. You're on a learning safari all the time.
And, you know, with that, like, remember we had the book stacked up.
Yeah. People don't.
And that's the thing. You're right. I read books about being a good father. I read books about my culture because, again, we had that same challenge, like people in my. In my family, except saying, hey, Bobby, why are you trying to make your kids white? Right. What I did is I read about what is this thing people call black? Which by the way, they get it.
Wrong all the time. Sure.
You know, and then I read about all these different things. So yeah, I believe that you have to learn. You have to always be in growth mode.
Right.
All the time.
And so, and that's these, these just hoch isms and shondalisms.
You know, we should do give all those just talk isms and then the Shondel isms and have. Let's put it. Let's put it out there for everybody. Funny you should say put that on social media. We'll sit down with Lexus. Lexus, you watching? You got work to do, girl. We just put it out there and make sure that people understand what that means. Right. You know, we'll figure it out. But I think, I think what's important for people to that are watching us and listening is all of these things come from not just failure because failure is a big piece of it.
Sure.
Learning from our mistakes, seeing what. What we don't want our lives to turn out to be right.
Right.
We. I don't want my life. You know, I grew up in the hood.
Well, and that's another. And that you just said that. That's another just like isn't we use when you talk about failure. A lot of times people think failure is a bad thing.
Right.
We think of the word fail and we've learned that fail stands for first attempt in learning.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's all. Yeah. It's your first attempt to learn. You learn what didn't work.
But academia. I blame academia for that because we. We made an F out to be your death wish. It's like, oh, I got an F on my report card. Instead of saying, you know what? Here's an opportunity for me to fix whatever improve. It was kind of like, no, you're a dummy. You're idiot. You better go back and do this over again. You know, it's kind of like the attitude about getting fake. Now for full disclosure, I've never, ever, ever in school had an F on my report card. But I would say there are a lot of Fs that I've dealt with in life. But I knew how to adjust because it's like, okay, I made that mistake. I'm not going back to revisit that.
I got my first F my freshman year at the University of Las Vegas. I went into UNLV with a 3.5, which is an A minus average. And my first F was in poli sci political science. Why? Because it probably Wasn't wise for me to work graveyard at the Stardust as a busboy from 11 at night to 7 in the morning. Right. And be in my poli Sci class at 8 in the morning.
Right.
That probably was a bad idea.
Very bad choice. Right. So your failure. Exactly. Your failure wasn't that you didn't know the information or you didn't study or whatever it was. It was in how you prepared, which.
Or lack of preparation. Now, I didn't get an F in the course. I got my first F on a test, and I had never gotten an F on that.
That's the reason. So it goes back to. Again. Habits. Right. And one of the things that I've. I've taught my. My team, which goes back to what you're saying. Whenever I'm doing a presentation or I'm doing an important meeting out of town, I told them it's very important that I'm in the hotel where I can rest, where I can go to sleep. I can't. And they thought it was just me being snobby.
No.
But I can't be in a motel and people walking by or cars driving, because now I can't rest. I'm not. If I'm not in the right environment, it's. It doesn't allow me to do what you see. And I want to. It goes back to that red. I don't want to fail. I don't want to. I want to walk into a presentation and blow people away.
You want to go in. Blow people away. Our next. Our next presentation is. We're the keynote speakers for cops. COPS is here. The. The concerns of police survivors. And what this is. These are people that have died in the line of duty.
Okay.
And they created this organization to help people. Relatives, wives, husbands and so forth. And so they do an annual event. Well, we are their keynote speaker in Chicago. And this here, we're gonna. What we're gonna lay on them is to grasp the connection.
Gotcha.
We're gonna teach them how to grasp a new way of getting ready beyond an incident like that happening. And this is what we call our speaker's brief.
Nice.
This speaker's brief. Every program that we do has a speaker's brief. And the front end of it is the actual storyboard of what we're going to be speaking to those people about.
Nice.
And then all the other details. Lisa has a speaker's brief. Yeah. Duplicate of this.
And I have this.
So if there's something going on that we need to tweak and adjust, we don't have to advance through slides. We can go to our speaker's brief.
I love it.
Do it. Do a little bit of a head fake to the audience. Make a switch and they never even see it.
Absolutely.
So.
So make it happen.
So. So we're going to close out this by saying that this. I love this program on Just Talk isms and Shondelisms. What about you? What, what did you like best about the Shondelisms and the Just Talk ism as we shared back and forth?
Well, I like best is that I'm back hanging with you, that you're healthy.
Right, right, right, right, right.
I'm feeling blessed that I'm here and, and have the opportunity to talk with. With the same energy and the same passion that we, we have. And then, and then the connection, like, you know, when we connected, people might think that, you know, we rehearse this or anything like that.
No, not at all.
I mean, we come together and this is a natural piece.
And again, we've said it before. We have Lisa to thank because even though we felt it and knew it on some level, she knew it on a much higher level than we because we. You were doing your super, you know, madhouse, busy and occupied and productive and I was the same thing. And yes, we like the crossover, but we'd never, we never envisioned.
Oh yeah.
Doing something powerful that other people can feel that too, like Lisa was feeling. Yeah. So that was really.
What about. And so in 2020, we've already prepped for some things that we're going to do together.
Yes.
That we're going to help other people and they're going to get more. Yes, we've already scheduled those. So you guys get ready for that.
Yeah, the breakthrough breakfast is going to be cool because now. Breakthrough breakfast. We can have some people live that we do this.
We are going to have people live. Yeah. And we're ready. I mean, this is, this is, this is our purpose. Right. Our purpose is to help and serve others. And this is how we give back. This is how we give people what they want and what they need. And so this is the, this is the opportunity for us to share those private conversations and allow others to engage.
With us and let them find their space and then move up from there. I love it. Well, where can people find Shondell? You tell us.
You know what they can find me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Just, just type in Shondell Newsom and you can go to shondale newsom.com youm can go to some new solutions on. We got all these different places.
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Well, we want to thank you for tuning in to Just talk and some new marketing that supports all this. Yeah. And we say there's always a great way. And you've heard us say it before. We're gonna keep saying it all the time.
All the time.
When we close our program, we want to close it with the power of knowing the best things in life starts when how you leave the feeling. Sa. Sam.
More from Jesse
How To Tap Into The Power of Belief #realestate #golfnetwork #golf #entrepreneur #motivationalvideo
