The Power of Unbreakable Relationships

Welcome to our Brothers in Conversation podcast, powered by Jesse and Shondell. Shondell, you are from Bed Stuy do or Die Brooklyn.

That little town.

That's a little town that's nothing like Hawthorne, Nevada. Population 5,000 cats and dogs. Well, today is actually going to be a very, very powerful day. It's gonna be a half hour power. We're gonna. We're going to be talking about the power of unbreakable relationships in episode 35. This is Brothers and Conversations. And you are the mighty famous better half of Brothers in Conversation. And you are.

Shondell Newsom.

Shondell Newsom from Some new. Some New is a great marketing program. And we can again, no longer around our house, say the two words something new without saying some new to follow. We can't do it.

That's the plan.

Well, let's jump right into this chandel. So let's talk about. So the power of unbreakable relationships. This is really. What's going to be really awesome about this is. Is. Let's start with why some relationships fail and you just team up with me. I. I just have some thoughts I want to share, and then we'll get into the unbreakable part. But why do some relationships fail? I. I would say Shondal is a. Lack of communication is a number one reason why many relationships fail. You share your thoughts on that.

Well, I'll tell you what, I'll add to that. Arlene and I used to do a lot of. We used to do a lot of marriage count. Not marriage counseling, marriage classes, for sure.

Okay.

And it's not just. It's not just communication. It's authentic communication.

I agree.

Communication.

I agree.

Even if there is something that is troubling, especially early on in your relationship, you. You have to have an open conversation about exes. And like, we. We have a rule, no surprises. Right. You know. You know, we would openly talk about our ex boyfriends, ex husbands, ex wives, and openly talk about how we felt about them. This way, it doesn't come up later. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Everything should be authentic and open and honest.

Well, I love what you just said. This is powerful. First off, what you're saying is you want. And you. And I've said this many, many times before. Real conversations, the truth. And sometimes that can be very heavy and difficult. I like what you said about you and Arlene talking about how to make sure that this relationship doesn't bring over baggage, negative things that didn't work in the last Relationship, even though they're very different. And I love that because you and I have never had this conversation. Here we are overlapping again. When I connected with Lisa, we, as we were moving in together, we decided to create a program called House Rules. And we've talked about that in the past. And it's really. It's really what you just said. You just calling it something different. And the way we work it is we get. Each of us get. You have to have at least one because we know you have them. And you can't have more than three house rules. And what the house rules represent is non negotiables of how you need to have certain things so that you feel comfortable that you're living in your space the way you like to live. You don't need an overrun of these things. But what I discovered is in previous relationships, we didn't talk about how one another needed to have it or had to have it. Just like you just said, really. So that was a real conversation. So we actually been practicing house rules. It is phenomenal. They're non negotiable. Every 90 days, we check in. Am I honoring your house rules? Are you honoring my house rules? Do you want to switch out? Are there some new rules that you want to switch out? And I'm telling it's a phenomenal process. So to your point, Shonda, that talks about that is just not just regular communication where you're talking, you're talking about real things that matter, Correct?

Yes. And guess what? If things hurt your feelings? Right. Let's say I'm talking about an ex or she's talking about an ex and there's something in there that hurt our feelings. Say that.

Don't.

Don't hold that information. Do not withhold information, because information becomes stored garbage.

Yes.

And stored garbage comes out. Like if you ever seen a sink or a toilet backup when it, when, when all that stuff is stored and it comes out, it's very nasty.

Well said.

We. We make sure that we put all of that out there. Let's deal with it in that moment and let's not carry it along. And I'm sure you guys, it's funny because you guys have done lunch with me and Tiara a few times, and Tiara keeps saying that me and AR never had disagreements. We've had disagreements. It just never boiled to the point where our kids heard us yelling, screaming, throwing stuff because of that. Those rules.

Well said, because that kept you connected. And when I say kept you connected, Shondell, that's the second thing That I thought of when I thought. When I thought about. Let's talk about why relationships fail before we start talking about unbreakable relationship. Another reason why relationship fell is because they. They. We. Couples tend to grow apart, and they grow apart because of. Largely because of what you just said. They don't have that. All the things you just said are not part of their foundation. So you and Arlene didn't put the stuff that you just said at the top of your relationship. You put it at the foundational point of your relationship. What is your foundation made up? Is it real? Is it consistent? Is it connecting? Is it engaging? And by the way, you don't have to be a big talker. Like, Arlene isn't a big talker. She doesn't have. She doesn't use tons of words. She. She gets right to it. And she tends to listen extraordinarily well. She listens far more than she speaks.

Yeah. Which talks about in private. More in private than in public. But she is very. When she talks, she has something to talk about.

I was just gonna say. But even then, she. Probably because she listens so well most of the time, she has a whole lot more to say than you might imagine because she's taken in so much intel. Right. So growing apart is another thing that it's. Is why a lot of relationships fail. And I would also like to add that one partner can also become very selfish. That could help you grow apart. Speak if one part Be. If one partner becomes selfish in a relationship. Speak to us. Tell us what happens, John, you know.

What happens is when you. When one partner becomes selfish, then the other partner feels disrespected, feels less than. Feels like, oh, my God, you know, I'm not appreciating.

Right, Right.

There are some things that you have to do as partners, and you have to engage, and then you have to let the process takes it. Take its place. Right. I never, like. I'm a big sports guy. Arlene, you know, likes, like, Madea movies, for example.

Right, right.

I had to embrace some of the Tyler Perry stuff and, you know, because that's what she wants to watch, you know, and especially when we got older and we don't, you know, we don't have the kids around to kind of just put us in different places once we started spending a lot more time together. I have to bend a little there, and then she has to bend a little bit now she watches a little bit of football, gets into the little bit of contest and stuff like that. So you almost. You have to pay attention. Because if you become ultimately selfish and I'm going out with the boys and I'm doing this, I'm doing that, and ignore her or she does the same to me, we disconnect and we fall apart.

Yeah. And the relationship is slowly going downhill. Well said. I agree. That's good. I 100% agree with that. And I would. Those of you out there listening to this, make sure you understand that you do not want to catch yourself becoming selfish. And if another partner is selfish, selfish, you want to bring that to their attention, give them opportunity to make that correction. I think another part, Shondo, is relationships oftentimes stop growing.

Yes.

I think if you're in a relationship that, let's say you're in a good relationship, but it doesn't grow, that's going to get stale. I think as human beings, we're hardwired for advancement even if we don't say it, even if we don't know it. So when you're in a relationship, you want, well, look at our relationship. Let's take our relationship. Sure. If it wasn't for Lisa, we wouldn't be together. She really was the catalyst. We've said that many times. But once she's been. And plus she's also the catalyst that keeps us together too. Because you got a gazillion things going on. I've got a gazillion things going on. And Lisa go, hey, you and Shondale haven't connected. You know, she brings it up. But our relationship is at a point now that we literally can finish each other's sentence. We always let the other one finish. But I could finish probably 9 out of 10 of your sentence and you could do the same with me.

Yes.

And so our relationship. So now we have to help take our relationship to another level so that we can continue to foster the growth of the relationship.

Yes.

And it's not time you spend on a day to day basis. It's the power of your intention. Yeah. What do you want to happen in that relationship? Do you not agree with that?

No, absolutely. And I'll tell you what it is again. It goes back to appreciating one another. Right.

Yeah.

I can appreciate you talking, talking about where you grew up in Hawthorne, Nevada. And then you can appreciate when I talk about Brooklyn and Bed Stuy and all that, because I was just telling somebody, it was, it was amazing growing up in that era when the country was obviously in financial ruin.

Right.

But hip hop was coming right online. And so I was right there in the Middle of all of that. And you, you know, you talk about what you were experiencing in school and with your family and different things like that. And we. But we always can come back together and talk about commonalities that we have. Loving our wives, loving our family, spending time with our siblings, all of those things. We always find a commonality.

100%. Even though bed Stuy was an area that you grew up in, Hawthorne was an area that I grew up. I think the thing that really connects us on Dell, even though we grew up in way diametrically, geographically, far, just different places on the map, were the choices that we both made throughout those different spaces and the challenges that you took on. And you took on this adult Persona when you were 16, 17, 18. I did the same thing. We did them for different reasons, but we both, even not knowing each other, made the same choices.

Yes, yes, absolutely. And ended up in similar careers and everything.

100%. And that's. That's so amazing that you're on the east coast, I'm on the west coast. I'm in a tiny town. You're in a thriving metropolis. You've got so much population around you, and you literally, quite frankly, you could have made a lot of other choices.

Yes.

That most people that were in the same situations that you were in made far more terrible choices, and just their life constantly stacked with those difficult. You made some very important, powerful choices as a young kid. Really.

And my grandson just recently asked me about that. He said, you know, when you were a teenage father, why did you make a decision to accept the responsibility? And I told him I never saw it any other way.

Right.

And the whole thing that I've told him is I've never looked at saying I made a mistake. Because one thing is, with all of the education around us, Wrap it up, all the different commercials, I knew that there was a risk that if I had unprotected sex, that I have a child.

Right.

So don't. Don't try to play the whole I made a mistake.

Right.

You did make a bad choice. However, bad choices can be taken care of by doing the right thing.

Right. And you can certainly position that a number of different ways. I don't see that you made a bad choice. I feel that you made an immature choice.

That's a good one.

Yep. It really wasn't a bad choice. You know why? Your biology was calling. That helped make that choice. Her biology was calling. That's not bad. It was just early. It was.

Right.

It was really early, and it was an immature choice. You did not have the emotional maturity to say, hey, if I go down this road, the consequences could be additional life that I am not ready to take care of.

Right, right.

It was an early. It was a choice made early on that was very, very immature. And when you. When you made that choice, you did not have to know the. You did not have any idea the full magnitude of the consequences if this thing goes full term.

Right, Right, right. You're right about that. But you do know. You do know. Oh, there goes my. Like, you do know that there's a possibility. And. And that's what I'm saying. I'm saying I. I don't know. You're right. I don't know all the consequences. My grandmother was one that told me, you know, oh, you know, this. This deal right here is 18 years, brother, at least. Right.

But. But Shondell. Shondell, as smart as you are, the truth of the matter is, she may have been talking. She may as well been talking Charlie Brown.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

She said that. But you did not get that.

Right.

You did not believe that that could be part of your life plan. You did not believe. You understood what she said.

Yeah, definitely.

But you didn't really take it in and absorb and get it and say, oh, I better take precautions.

Right.

You. You live like, well, that can't happen to me. That wouldn't happen to me. Well, it did. Yeah.

Because you do have that invincibility when you're a young person.

Correct. So. So that's good. So very good. And another, I think another obstacle or deal breaker that happens with relationships and why relationships fail, I would say would be if betrayal occurs.

Yeah.

When one.

Oh, that's a big one.

Yeah. When one part feels betrayed.

Yes. And I'll say this is that betrayal is not necessarily just having an affair. Betrayal happens in so many different ways. So I would say it's not just having an affair. It could be, you know, you not telling somebody something that they need that they should know in order for you guys to build your relationship 100%.

It doesn't have to be just an affair. It could be just being disingenuous to the connection that you made, lacking in your. The part of what you can bring to the table that you refuse to. For whatever the reason is, withholding or whatever, that. That could create betrayal. So when. When someone feels betrayed, they don't feel like you're together. They feel like you're two separate people in the same place instead of two. Two people that are building something Together, so. Well said. The other piece, and the final piece on. On, like, why relationships fail would be if the couple is on different life paths. If they're on two very different life paths. It's almost like you're living with a stranger.

Oh, my gosh. That. That's my first marriage. Wow. 100%. That's my first marriage. 100%. We had kids, we worked, we did all those things, but we were in two different rooms, two different spaces, two different mindsets. And, you know, you're just 100% correct. And so what I learned in my second marriage was I needed to be. My mom called it equally yoked. My mom was like, you have to be equally yoked with a person. You guys have to have the same beliefs, the same desires, the same wants. You have to really be in the same space.

Wow. You know, funny you should say that, because you just led us into the next phase of this, which is. So we've talked about really, why some relationships fail. Let's talk about the power of building unbreakable relationships. And now you really gave us a nice little lead in. Because it starts with the desire to make a powerful, sustainable connection.

Right? Yeah.

It's the connection, Shondal, when people truly feel like you get them and you connect with them. I think that, to me, is one of the first ingredients and building powerful, sustainable relationships. What are your thoughts?

You know, that is 100%. And again, it goes back to what you said. There has to be some rules.

Right.

Your foundation. Both Arlene and I come from, you know, a very religious background. Our parents were, you know, it's interesting because each one of us had one parent that was super duper Bible reading into the Bible. The other one believed in God, believed in everything. But the.

My. My.

Her mom and my dad were the other folks who. They believed in God. They supported the.

My.

Her dad and my. My mom, but they didn't have, like, they didn't go to church all the time and do like, my. Like those two.

Right.

We rooted our foundation of our marriage in scripture, in Ephesians, where all of the rules are laid down there. And Arlene believes so heavily because her father, who was our men, who was the man she loved the most in the entire world, was the guidance. So what I had to do was dig deep into that part, and she did the same with me because of my mother and her deep religious beliefs.

Nice. Nice. So to your point, that. That truly getting one another, that's what made a great connection for you and Arlene. Got it.

Yeah. And a lot of people don't understand that when we make decisions, we're making it based on our. On our. On our spiritual beliefs. We're making it based on what we, God has given us. And so we are ignoring them when they say, are you ignoring us? Yes, we are. We just. This is who God is, the relationship. And I'll end with this. The relationship and the covenant that we made when our oath was with God, that we promised to treat each other this way until death do we part. And so the promise is not with a human or individual, is with God. So that's why we have what we call an unbreakable relationship.

Wow. That's powerful. That's powerful. And if there are people watching or listening this that are not from the faith, that they don't believe in God or they believe a whole different belief system, whether it's Allah, Buddha, or the Big Bang theory, you can still replace that power of something bigger than yourself. Because even if they don't believe in God, there's still something that created all of this. Whatever that. Whatever that was, if it wasn't the God concept. I come from the same path that you do, but not everyone does. But if they don't, that doesn't mean they can't relate to what you're saying. You're still saying something extremely powerful. And the next thing I would say would be, we have to have empathy, care, and awareness. We have to bring empathy, care, and awareness to build unbreakable relationships.

I love that. Does that come out of your book?

It's going to. Right? There he is. There he is.

So when does the book come out? Tell everybody about it.

The book is actually the second phase of how you leave them feeling. And we're going to be talking about how to build the foundation for intimate relationships and professional relationships. And. And the book is actually going to be out in the first quarter of 2021. In fact, Lisa and I are taking a. We're taking a trip. In fact, do me a favor, Shonda, hold. Hold the Ford. I'm gonna go grab this book. I should have had it ready. Give me one second. Yeah.

You know what? And here's what I'll tell you guys. The reason why I'm talking about this book, and I wanted Jesse to talk about the book, is because here you. You have to understand how to have great relationships during these tough times. My wife and I talk often about how people have gone through this pandemic, and we've heard some horror stories about people up having fights. Domestic violence was Going through the roof. I can't believe that when God gives you an opportunity to spend more time with your spouse, you're upset about it or with your kids or your grandkids. I. I just. It just blew my mind that people were having that problem. And I remember when I did want to talk about things like relationships, and really that's how Jess and I became even closer.

That's right.

With the Urban Chamber. And I'm going to get off of business real quick. But I'm going to tell you what I believe in business is that the better relationships you build, the more revenue you build. You can always build relationships that lead to revenue, but you can't build revenue that leads to relationships.

Wow.

I think that's extremely important. So the first person that I did call when I became in leadership at the Chamber was Jesse to talk about how you leave them feeling. But we were talking about chamber members.

And that was an amazing event. I can remember like it was yesterday. There wasn't a. There wasn't a face in that room that didn't get it.

They got it.

So well done. Well said. And so. And thank you for holding the fort. So how you leave them feeling. Your foundation for inspiring love and relationships here. This is what the new book is going to look like. We've changed the color because we associated with the feelings that surround it with relationships and feeling that sort of stuff. And so to your point, we. We decide. We didn't. We're not writing a book to write a book.

Right.

We decided to write this book because of exactly what you just said. We said the world needs this right now. They need the fundamentals. They need to understand that it's empathy, it's care, it's connection, it's awareness. They need to understand that those are the tools that can help sustain and grow and build unbreakable relationship, no matter what the times are.

And let's talk about what empathy is. Right. Empathy is really putting yourself in other person's shoes.

Right. Empathize. Right, Right.

That's what most people do.

Right. Well said. And so to me, to your point, Shondale, the empathy when you can. When you. I have. It's so amazing connecting with you because you almost always somehow, in some mysterious fashion, know the second and third levels of what we're up to. Because when we finish with this, I get a very short break. And then the American Red Cross, I'm doing a program for them called Emotional Intelligence. And the first thing I'm going to get them to get and latch onto Is exactly what you said. Empathy. I want in order for you to grow your emotional intelligence, first you got to get yourself okay, and then you got to get others. Yeah, see, we don't do that. Most of us don't even get ourselves. And if we do, we don't even think about others. So. So to your point is to be able to empathize. What is Shondell's driving core motive? Shondal, I know I've got more to learn about you, but let me just tell you right now, I have got you down. I know exactly. I know how to talk to you. I know what to say and what not to say. I know what drives you. I know what your driving promotive is. And when I connect with you, I'm looking to push those buttons in a positive way to drive, to tap into your driving promotive so you feel like, hey, Jess gets me.

That's real.

So now when you know that I get you, you don't have to go there. Just be yourself.

Just be yourself.

So this new book is not. We're not writing it to write a book and to have a book and to sell a book. We're writing it because we believe our society needs this right now. They need to be able to look and say, oh, I need to do more of this. I need to add more awareness. I have a lack of awareness. I need to care more about my kids who are and not be so upset that they're interrupting my zoom sessions. I got to find ways to strategize around that and work through that so that they feel loved and cared. Like when I'm on a session with a client, nine out of ten sessions I'm on, I can hear the interference of little young people or other people in the middle of a session that was never there before.

Right.

So you know what I do? I say, shondell, I can hear you baby calling. Do me a favor, put me on hold. I'll wait. Go and show that baby some love and come on back to the session. Right. What am I doing, Shonda? I'm empathizing.

You're empathizing. Exactly.

Is it frustrating if I allow it to be? It could be frustrating. I'm not going to allow myself to get. Because once I get frustrated and I'm ticked off and I can't bring you my very best.

Exactly.

So I'm empathizing that you have little ones or disturbances where you typically could be in a silent, quiet office. You don't have that right. So empathy, care, and awareness. The other Thing is the gut intuition. Use your intuition and use your gut when you're thinking about things. Let. Let that flow through you. Do you know, Shonda, knowing you, you probably do. Most people might not realize that our guts. There's a brain. Is our second brain is in our gut.

Yes.

The same neurons and transmitters that are located in the brain are also located in the gut.

Yep. And you. And you said a couple of things, and I'll tell you one thing. And going back to my first relationship, I didn't care, and I would not empathize. Wow. And I definitely will tell you that I would not use that gut. That gut would tell me something and I would not react.

You ignore it. Totally ignore it. Totally ignore it.

Right. And I do things, Jess, that doesn't necessarily have to be earth shattering. Right. For example, you know, I noticed, you know, the other day, because I work primarily from home, Arlene was going to the office and she said, can I borrow your car? My car is low on gas. I said, cool. She. She went. And then. So when I took the dog to the groomers, I filled her car up. She said, oh, thank you for filling my car up. See, in the past, I wouldn't have thought like that.

Wow, that's big.

It's not. It's not buying a diamond ring or, you know, chocolates or something like that, but it's just thinking and reacting and taking your gut and saying, let's do this right.

Because your gut has a connection through those neural pathways to your brain. The brain is not sending the message to the gut. The gut is actually sending the message to the brain.

Right.

So use your gut instincts. Use your intuition. Anytime I've had a gut instinct about something, an intuition about something, I. It has never been wrong.

Yes, sir.

It's never. It's always been exactly what that gut or that intuition was tapping on my shoulder to give me the focus up and get more intel and learn and then respond to that situation. So. So I totally agree. Here's the thing, finally, in closing out what creates unbreakable relationship. And you've been saying it all along, but I'm going to put a word to what you've been saying.

All right?

Action. You got to do something. You can have all this intelligence, Shondale, but if you don't use it and you don't do something with it, what's the point?

You know? And there's a scripture in the Bible that says faith without works is dead. And we often tell people that sometimes people have faith. They do all the Reading. They do all the praying. They do everything else, but they take no action.

So what's the point?

What's the point? Right? And that's what I think is so important, is that Jess. And then you got to take action on that gut. You got to take action with empathy, with caring. You have to take action. You and I do a lot of things. Like, even one day, I woke up in the morning, I said, I'm put on Facebook that my wife is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The reason why I did that is because that was my gut.

Right. And.

And it wasn't Valentine's Day. It wasn't her anniversary. It wasn't her birthday. No, it was totally spontaneous because I woke up and said, thank you, Lord, for this beautiful woman. It was my wife who I. I prayed when I first met her. Boy, Lord, if you give me that woman to wake up to every morning, I will feel forever, forever indebted to you.

Exactly. And you did that. And what? Here we go again. Ironically, on the same day, I had done the same thing for Lisa, and you didn't even know it until you read it. We did the same thing on the same day.

No kidding.

Yes. You know what? I did see. That's right.

I did see you wrote something. But, you know, and it's so funny, because I just feel like there are times, and this is why we have a hard time with Valentine's Day. We have a hard time with the commercialism because we love each other. Every day. Every day is a different level.

I like that. I love that style because now it goes back to being authentic. It goes back what you just said goes back to creating that connection. It goes back to caring beyond that particular celebration day. It goes. It goes back to that empathy and that awareness. And so your gut instinct is telling you, let's practice it intermittently throughout the year, not just on February 14th.

Exactly. Exactly. And that's what I think makes it unbreakable, is being consistently going in. And same thing with you, Jess. That's why one day I said, you know what? I appreciate you guys. Thank you. So. Because, you know, sometimes you don't say it enough or you don't say it at all. So I did tell you and Lisa, I appreciate you guys and appreciate the relationship that we have.

Well, that's. You know what? When you said that, that was very important, because somewhere, part of me, I kind of sensed that that was already there. But to hear it and have it reconfirmed, you can never over appreciate someone or something like that.

Right?

Anytime you bring that level of appreciation from an authentic place, even if you've already said it before, don't think that I'm recalling that. We live into our lives and so much happens. So it's good to remind people that you care about them. It's good to remind them that you love them. It's good to remind them that you appreciate them. That also leads to unbreakable relationships because it keeps the. It keeps the threads together.

Yes, sir.

Doesn't that make sense?

Oh, yeah, without a doubt.

Well, this I know.

We got our 30 minutes of power an hour and half an hour.

We did. We did. And we. I really hope that the people watching and listening can take something, a value from what we talked about of how to create unbreakable relationships. And it is, number one, connection. Number two, empathy. Number three, it's care. Number four, we're talking about an awareness. And then using that gut, that intuition and then followed up by action. You do those things consistently, intermittently and consistently, you're going to build unbreakable relationships.

Yeah. And at the end of the day, it comes right back to your book. One and two, how you leave them feeling.

It is all about how you leave them feeling. That is 100% well, I appreciate that. So now tell people where they can. Those that want to know more about Shondale Newsom or some new. How can people reach you and contact.

You know what? Hit me on all different platforms. I will respond LinkedIn, IG, Twitter, Facebook, even TikTok.

You know, fair enough. Well, they can reach Lisa or Jesse@justalk.com and certainly on Facebook and also LinkedIn and Instagram for sure. And I want to say that those of you that are watching this or listening to this, if you found any sense of energy or power or hope, whether you're anticipating being able to get the book when it comes out in first quarter of 2021, that's the projected time at this point. Do something with this. Share this link with other people, people that may be struggling, people that may be having a challenging time, people that their relationships may be on a rocky road path. Share this with them. Let them gain value from this. Because you know people, they know people that we don't know.

Shondell.

So we're asking you to share this through Facebook with other people that are in your village so that they can get the power of this half hour power from Shaun, Del, myself. Is that good, Shawndell? I love it.

Let's do it.

We close with our favorite piece and we know that if you really want to create, break unbreakable relationships. You want to live a very, very valued, sustainable life. It's all about how you leave them feeling.

Yes. Have a good one.

Take care. Bye now. Relationships and feeling, that sort of stuff. And so to your point, we. We decide. We didn't. We're not writing a book to write a book.

Right.

We decided to write this book because of exactly what you just said. We said the world needs this right now. They need the fundamentals. They need to understand that it's empathy, it's care, it's connection, it's awareness. They need to understand that. That those are the tools that can help sustain and grow and build unbreakable relationships, no matter what the times are.

And let's talk about what empathy is. Right? Empathy is really putting yourself in other person's shoes.

Right.

Empathizes with sympathy.

Right. Right.

That's what most people do.

Right. Well said. And so to me, to your point, Shonda, the empathy, when you can. When you. I have. It's so amazing connecting with you because you almost always somehow mysterious, in some mysterious fashion, know the second and third levels of what we're up to. Because when we finish with this, I get a very short break. And then the American Red Cross, we're doing. I'm doing a program for them called Emotional Intelligence. And the first thing I'm going to get them to get and latch onto is exactly what you said, Empathy. I want in order for you to grow your emotional intelligence, first you got to get yourself. Okay. And then you got to get others. Yeah, see, we don't do that. Most of us don't even get ourselves. And if we do, we don't even think about others. So. So to your point is to be able to empathize is what is Shondell's driving core motive? Shondale, I know I've got more to learn about you, but let me just tell you right now, I have got you down. I know exactly. I know how to talk to you. I know what to say and what not to say. I know what drives you. I know what your driving chromotive is. And when I connect with you, I'm looking to push those buttons in a positive way to drive. To tap into your driving cormotive so you feel like, hey, Jess gets me.

That's real.

So now when you. When you know that I get you, you don't have to go there. Just be yourself.

Just be yourself.

So. So this new book is not. We're not writing it to write a Book and to have a book and to sell a book. We're writing it because we believe our society needs this right now. They need to be able to look and say, oh, I need to do more of this. I need to add more awareness. I have a lack of awareness. I need to care more about my kids who are. And not be so upset that they're interrupting my zoom sessions. I got to find ways to strategize around that and work through that so that they feel loved and cared. Like when I'm on a session with a client, nine out of ten sessions I'm on, I can hear the interference of little young people or other people in the middle of a session that was never there before.

Right.

So you know what I do? I say, shondell, I can hear you baby calling. Do me a favor, put me on hold. I'll wait. Go and show that baby some love and come on back to the session.

Right.

What am I doing, Shonda? I'm empathizing.

You're empathizing. Exactly.

Is it frustrating if I allow it to be? It could be frustrating. I'm not going to allow myself to get first, because once I get frustrated and I'm ticked off and I can't bring you my very best.

Exactly.

So I'm empathizing that you have little ones or. Or disturbances where you typically could be in a silent, quiet office, you don't have that.

Right.

So empathy, care, and awareness. The other thing is the gut. Intuition. Use your intuition and use your gut when you're thinking about things. Let. Let that flow through you. Do you know, Shondal, knowing you, you probably do. Most people might not realize that our guts. There's a brain. Is our second brain is in our gut.

Yes.

The same neurons and transmitters that are located in the brain are also located in the gut.

Yep. And you. And you said a couple of things, and I'll tell you one thing. And going back to my first relationship, I didn't care, and I would not empathize.

Wow.

And I definitely will tell you that I would not use that gut. That gut would tell me something, and I would not react.

You ignore it. Totally ignore it. Totally ignore it.

Right. And I do things. Jess, that doesn't necessarily have to be earth shattering. Right. For example, you know, I noticed, you know, the other day, because I work primarily from home, Arlene was going to the office and she said, can I borrow your car? My car is low on gas. I said, cool. She went. And then. So when I took the dog to the groomers, I filled her car up. She said, oh, thank you for filling my car up. See, in the past, I wouldn't have thought like that.

Wow, that's big. It's not.

It's not buying a diamond ring. No, you know, chocolates or something like that, but it's just thinking and reacting and taking your gut and saying, let's.

Do this right, because your gut has a connection through those neural pathways to your brain. The brain is not sending the message to the gut. The gut is actually sending the message to the brain.

Right?

So use your gut instincts. Use your intuition. Anytime I've had a gut instinct about something, an intuition about something, I. It has never been wrong.

Yes, sir.

It's never. It's always been exactly what that gut or that intuition was tapping on my shoulder to give me the focus up and get more intel and learn and then respond to that situation. So. So I totally agree. Here's the thing, finally, in closing out what creates unbreakable relationship. And you've been saying it all along, but I'm going to put a word to what you've been saying, all right? Action. You got to do something. You can have all this intelligence, Shonda, but if you don't use it and you don't do something with it, what's the point?

You know, and there's. There's a scripture in the Bible that says faith without works is dead. And we often tell people that sometimes people have faith. They do all the reading, they do all the praying, they do everything else, but they take no action.

So what's the point?

What's the point? Right? And. And that's what I think is so important, is that Jess. And then you got to take action on that gut. You got to take action with empathy, with caring. You have to take action. You and I do a lot of things. Like, even one day, I woke up in the morning, I said, I'm put on Facebook that my wife is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The reason why I did that is because that was my gut, right? And it wasn't Valentine's Day. It wasn't her anniversary. It wasn't her birthday. No, it was totally spontaneous because I woke up and said, thank you, Lord, for this beautiful woman. It was my wife who I prayed when I first met her. Boy, Lord, if you give.