Learning To Lose Weight

Everyone, welcome to today's program, Yourself Thin podcast. Today we're talking about learning to lose weight, and the key word here is learning, uh, because most people approach their weight loss as if they already know what to do. And why wouldn't they? Because every diet makes it seem so simple. All you need to do is follow whatever their specific tactic is. And it's always one tactic, whether it's something like don't eat carbs, stop eating sugar, only eat for 8 hours, whatever it is, it's usually kind of one main thing that you're trying to do. And so it seems so simple. I mean, even saying I'm going to stop eating carbs is such a simple thing to say and such a simple idea to understand. But to actually do it is a much different thing because the flip side of stop eating carbs is I have to completely learn how to eat differently than I have for the past 20 years. And that sounds a lot more daunting, but that's the reality of it. And even in that situation, there's always a flip side to that simple piece of it. So for example, again, the same thing, I'm gonna stop eating for 16 hours. I'm only gonna eat during an 8-hour window. Okay. Well, on one side, that sounds like a simple concept, but the other side is that I have to fundamentally change the way that I've eaten for the last 30 years. Well, that sounds a little more daunting. And again, that's the more accurate description, and that's how you are experiencing it day to day. Again, we can explain it simplistically and feel like this is going to be pretty easy. I should be able to do this. But when we look at the other side, every change we make in our behavior requires learning how to behave in a new way. And each one of those things that we're learning has a cognitive load task with it, tax with it. It costs us. And so typically we can't just change everything all at once because we can't learn everything all at once. So a lot of times dieting kind of makes you treat weight loss like you're cramming for a test, trying to do everything all at once. And you already know that cramming is not really learning. Dieting is not really learning how to be the person you want to be. It's about fighting against yourself and stopping yourself from doing what you used to do. So there's a complete and total difference between that of trying to stop yourself from doing something and learning how to behave in a new way, how to act in a new way. And that's really what is required for you to not only lose weight, but to be able to live at your goal weight long-term. It's going to require that you learn how to think like a thin, healthy person, how to live like a thin, healthy person, and how to eat like a thin, healthy person. And these are all things that you need to learn how to do. I don't say this to overwhelm you. I say it to be more accurate in what the journey is, because I think a lot of dieters doom themselves right from the beginning because they articulate the journey in the most simplistic ways possible. Oh, I'm just going to start counting my calories. I'm going to restrict. I'm going to eat better and exercise. These things are so vague, they're meaningless. It's again, if I say I want to play the piano, it's like me saying, well, playing the piano is really easy. All you have to do is hit the right keys in the right order at the right time. Well, yeah, technically that's true. But the reality of learning the piano is much more complicated than that. And if you go into it thinking it's just that simple and always talking about it's just so simple, you're going to be shocked when you run into the reality of what it actually is to learn the piano. And it's the same thing with your weight. Now, the reason I make such a big deal out of this is, first of all, to be more accurate with what the journey truly is. It's one of learning, of growing, of evolving into the person you want to be. But the flip side of thinking of it that way and looking at it that way is that you let— you get to release a lot of the shame that you have built up around your weight loss, or more specifically, your inability to lose weight, because you have approached your weight loss your entire life as it's this simple thing to do. And the fact that I haven't been able to do it is because I'm lazy or I'm an overeater or I, you know, have this problem with me or this is wrong with me. And you have taken it on yourself to be the problem and the core reason why you haven't been able to lose weight. When the reality is the bigger reason than your willpower for why you haven't mastered your weight is that you have never been given a comprehensive, holistic strategy and system in order for you to change your weight long term. And once you have that and once you learn it and you start to practice it, everything is different because you start to develop the skills needed to, again, not only get to your goal weight, but to live there for the rest of your life. It's a different approach. So I hope this means something to you, because not only is this a more effective way to kind of move towards your goal weight, but it also feels a lot better. Okay. Dieting is not built to succeed. It's not built for you to live at your goal weight. And so the quicker you realize that truly changing your weight is really a process of learning how to think, live, and eat differently, the sooner you can get on that path and the sooner you can start getting the results that you truly deserve. And if you want to go deeper into this way of thinking quickly, click the link in my bio or go to programyourselfthin.com and go get the free hypnosis session I made for it. It's called the New Thin Me. It's a kickstart session and it will kick you down this path quickly so that you can start to experience a different way to manage your weight. And if you are over in Facebook land, I will put this link because again, TikTok, you can click my picture over there and then go get that hypnosis session. And if you are in Facebook or YouTube, you— I just put the link in the, in the chat window. But yeah, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them. Hope you're all having a nice day. Sorry I missed you all yesterday. And then what's up, Lauren? Lauren says, I'm struggling going from carnivore to vegetarian. I miss the feeling of satiety carnivore gave me. Um, wow, that's quite okay. I joke a lot of times, you know, using— I feel like the polar opposites of, uh, diet are carnivore and veganism. So that's quite a jump, right? So, yeah, well, you know, what I would say is the secret to satiety when it comes to veganism is beans. I will tell you that right off the bat. Beans are your secret weapon for satiety, fiber, you know, eating a wide variety of nutrients, micronutrients specifically with an eye towards that. Um, that's what I would suggest. But that's interesting going— that's quite a jump. I wonder what triggered that, because why? So I missed the feeling of satiety carnivore gave me. Fair enough. Um, but what I'd like to know, if you're still here, is what was the motivation to leave carnivore? I'm curious about that. Um, so yeah, it's interesting. It's quite a, quite a jump, but people do this, you know. The mic cut out. Can you all hear me now? I hope. Rachel says, how do I stop thinking about food all the time? All the time. Fair enough, that's a real question. And that's really what the GLP-1s kind of hop on top of, right, is this concept and idea that they're going to reduce the food noise. And you always chuckle because I've been thinking and dealing with food noise for over 30 years, uh, in a more natural way. But, but it's been a focus of mine because I think at the end of the day, what you're thinking and saying to yourself is really one of the main drivers of what you're going to do, how you're going to behave. And so if you want to change your weight, yes, getting a handle on the food noise and being able to kind of turn it down so it gets— oh, what a relief. So how do you do that? There's absolutely ways to do it naturally. And I think in order to really understand how to impact and influence food noise, I think the first thing you have to understand is a bit of how your subconscious mind operates. You've got two brains. You've got your subconscious mind and your conscious mind. The conscious part of your mind is the logical, rational part of your brain. It's your prefrontal cortex anatomically. It's the part of you that knows what you should do, should do, knows why you should do it, tries to get you to do it. It's where your willpower is. And your subconscious mind is the part of your mind that runs the show. It runs all your automated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. So it's really the thing that's running most of your behaviors, most of your thoughts, most of the feelings that you have. So when in Program Yourself Thin, when we approach weight, weight loss, and living at your goal weight, we're really focusing on this part of our mind, the subconscious part. And I think dieting really focuses on your conscious mind, right? It tells you what you should do, tells you why you should do it, and then it expects that you're going to use your willpower to do it. So dieting is a very conscious, focused approach to changing your behaviors and your weight. Program Yourself Thin and hypnosis takes more of a subconscious-focused approach because we believe that the subconscious mind is way more in control of your behaviors than your conscious mind. And you feel this when you diet. It always feels like you're playing catch-up. You're always trying to fight against yourself, and typically your subconscious mind always wins. So one thing you have to understand about your subconscious mind is it does not understand negatives. And I think this is crucial because if I sit here and tell you, get your willpower together and don't think about what I'm about to say, do not think about a banana, do not think about a banana. What are you thinking about? Right. You think about a banana. So if you think about a diet, a typical diet, what do you usually fixate on with your diet? Typically. So if you're on a keto diet, what are you kind of obsessed with thinking about? Let me put a different question, but put it a different way. If you're on a keto diet, what's the number one thing you're really focusing on not eating? Carbs, right? Now you don't think in terms of carbs, you think in terms of cookies, chips, pizza, bread, cake. So your mind, the whole time you start your keto diet, is, oh my God, I can't have cake, I can't have cookies, I can't put it, I can't have this, And what's happening is you're literally focusing on the exact thing you're trying to reduce the consumption of. And what ends up happening is when we try and not think about something, it creates this weird dynamic where we start thinking about it more. And I believe this is at the foundational level of why people have so much food noise, because you've never learned how to run your mind. And so every time in your life when you have attempted to lose weight, You have been focused on the exact food you're trying to eat less of, which makes you more obsessed with it, makes you crave it more, and makes you ultimately give in and eat it. And so at this point, every time you think about weight loss, you start focusing on the thing you have to give up and you start freaking out about it. So in Program Yourself, then we recognize this and we start making the story about what we want to do, what we want to eat, how we want to live, how we want to think, how we want to behave. And this is the first step to changing the food noise. It's not that we try and stop thinking about the unhealthy foods that we have to stop eating. It's that we start to intentionally start focusing and thinking about the foods we want to eat, the behaviors we want to do, the thoughts we want to have, the feelings we want to experience. We start focusing on what we want. And this is a huge difference, and it shows up right in the beginning because in Program Yourself Thin, We don't give a shit about fast weight loss because your goal, folks, is not to lose weight. Let it be known. I know it's shocking, but your goal is not to lose weight. Part of your goal. But your ultimate goal is not to lose weight. Your ultimate goal is to live at your goal weight. You see the difference? Losing weight is about what you don't want. You imagine yourself being overweight. You imagine yourself putting an X over and said, I don't want to be overweight. Once again, it's focused on what you don't want. So in Program Yourself, then we focus on what we do want. And it starts right with the question, not how much weight you want to lose, but what weight do you want to live at? Who do you want to live as? Who do you want to be? What do you want to weigh? What do you want to look like? How do you want to eat? How do you want to live? How do you want to think? How do you want to feel? And we start filling our brain up with what we want. And this becomes the beginning starting point of getting control over the food noise and really ultimately over our mindset, which for most of you is the number one thing that is your struggle, right? You all know what you should do and why you should do it. You all know how to try and get yourself to do it. And you all know that that hasn't worked for you your entire life. And it's never going to, unfortunately, because again, it doesn't work with how your brain is structured and set up. So I hope that helps. Yeah, Rachel says, thanks. Subconscious versus conscious and focus on what I want to do, not what I shouldn't do. Exactly. Now that's the starting point, and I want to make clear, you don't program yourself. Then we follow, you know, kind of a system, right? Again, it's robust. It's not just dieting is built— first of all, dieting is not your friend. All the dieting industry is a branch of the food processing industry. Please understand this. Weight Watchers was owned by Heinz. Jenny Craig was owned by Nestlé. Atkins Food Products was owned by the same company that owns Annie Anne's Pretzels and Cinnabon. SlimFast, owned by the same company that owns Ben Jerry's ice cream. These companies do not want you to stop eating their foods or eat less of them and get control of your weight and be healthy and happy forever, because that's not good for their profits. So dieting really is a psychological operation used by the food companies to get you permanently stuck with your weight and ultimately consuming the highest level of their products. That's my opinion. So in Program Yourself, then we follow basically the goal weight pyramid. And this is a much more robust approach to getting control of your weight. And again, it's all focused on what you want to do, the mindset you want to have, the lifestyle you want to live, and the eating habits and patterns that you want to follow. And of course, we break it down a bit into pieces, but it's all about what you want to do. And so it becomes much more of a robust learning process of becoming the person who you want to be. And right from the bat, you, you kind of see that's a much different approach than what you've done literally your entire life with dieting. So yes, the subconscious is a starting point. And what I'd suggest as well, Rachel, is, and I say this to all of you, if you go, if you're on TikTok, click the picture of me in the top left there and go to my bio and get the hypnosis session. If you're over on Facebook, um, or YouTube, click in the, the link I put in the comment. But when you get that hypnosis session, there's also a training in there I did, and it talks about the subconscious conscious mind more. Um, it's really good. I go through the rider and elephant metaphor. It's really valuable. Um, that's free, so, so go check that out. Um, but Rachel, I think you might like that a lot, you know, if you're interested in that whole subconscious concept. I talk a lot, um, a lot about that in there. Rachel says, yeah, that's a much more inspiring take. Exactly, and that's the point. Um, it has to be inspiring. I will let you know. I mean, Changing your weight, changing anything in life is difficult. So if you're really going to take something on that's big and difficult, you better be fucking inspired up here. You know, I look at it like college. You know, if you're not inspired to go to college, what are you doing? I mean, I mean, it's hard. College is hard, I think, and it takes a long time and it takes a big commitment. So if you're not inspired and truly motivated to do it, you're never— what's the point? And I think very few people are really inspired and motivated by diets. At the level they need to be. That's part of the problem. The bigger problem with diets is they don't give you a real system to follow. They're just giving you one tactic. They don't talk about mindset, how to genuinely shift your lifestyle, to genuinely get your eating under control long term. So yeah, so it is much more inspiring. And one piece just to kind of go with that is in Program Yourself, then we take your goal weight, we take your weight loss, and we wrap it in personal development. And this is, again, it goes back to that point that weight loss alone is almost never enough motivation for people. And I don't know why people argue about this. You know, if you're, if you're overweight and you're not actively losing weight, it's because you're not motivated. That's the primary problem. Stop it. You haven't been eating perfectly for the last year and no weight's come off. You ate great last week and no weight came off and you quit because you feel like it's not working. But come on. And so, so I always say to dieters, most dieters, their motivation's down here, but they think it's up here. So that's the first confusion they experience because a lot of dieters confuse, well, if I'm thinking about weight loss 24 hours a day, I must be motivated. No, that's not what motivation means. Okay. Motivation is literally how much action are you taking? And if you're not taking a lot of action to manage your weight, it's the first line of focus ought to be your motivation level. And again, most people are not really motivated to lose weight because that number on the scale isn't enough motivation by itself. So we keep the number on the scale. I want you to get to that number, folks. I want you to wear the size clothes you want to wear. I want you to look the way you want to look. I want you to have all those things. But I believe that you need to add to that goal the idea that as that version of you who is thinking more positively and successfully, that version of you that's living healthier and cleaner that version of you that's eating in a way that really resonates with you and helps you live at the weight you want to live at, that that's going to turn you into a version of yourself that's a much better version of you. Or, or I don't say better because it's not a comparison thing, but it's like it's you operating at a much higher level. And so whatever is important to you in your life, whatever relationships matter most to you in your life, imagine how all of those are impacted positively if you got control of your mindset, your lifestyle, and your eating, and you were able to live at your goal weight for the rest of your life in a way where you felt like you were flowing with it and it felt natural and easy and enjoyable, right? Your whole life improves tremendously when you think of it that way. And again, it's more inspiring, which is what you need to power the whole journey. So, you know, I mean, I'm glad you said that, and that's very intentional. Lauren says, I watched Christspiracy and then a few other documentaries. Yeah, documentaries will do that. Documentaries are hypnosis, by the way, folks, you know. So again, when we talk about program yourself, then, um, there are just so many ways to program yourself. And certainly hypnosis is a powerful way, but a documentary is right there as well. All right. So, so hypnosis isn't only me speaking in a hypnotic voice while I put you into a relaxed state. That's one form of hypnosis. Another form of hypnosis is when you're watching a documentary. So yeah, it's really interesting. I've never heard of Christspiracy, but, um, I, I, I'm a pescatarian. I'm basically— I'm a vegetarian. I eat fish, you know, very, very rarely, but, but I, I do eat it. Um, but I'm basically vegetarian, and I think that you're on the righter side of things. So, you know, two things are going on. A, I don't know how long you've been playing with vegetarian thing, but give it a little more time because there's always a relative— when you go from one thing to the other, there's an acclimation period. But the other thing is focus on beans, fiber, micronutrient density and diversity as well. And I think you're on the right side of things. I think there's way more evidence that a plant-based diet is a lot healthier for you than a meat-based diet. And I, I don't even know how this is even even questioned. I mean, beyond the Blue Zones, I just think like it's pretty obvious there's never even been a culture, a modern culture that lives primarily with meat-based diets. This is an American thing that is really put into your mind by the protein industry. There's no— there's very few. And I can't think of any large societies, populations that are living primarily off of protein and meat. It's just too expensive. So this has never been the case ever that people primarily— I mean, again, I'm not saying there aren't bands of people. I mean, we know that there are, but I'm talking about big populations of people living off of meat. Who are we referring to? So I think there's way more evidence that a plant-based diet is the optimal diet. Again, I'm not saying don't eat meat. I'm not saying don't, don't go down that path, but the, the idea of going to be a carnivore, You're 100% not a carnivore. Humans are not carnivores. Are we adaptable? Sure. But are we carnivores? No. If I give you a chunk of raw meat, you know, I give you an animal with a hide on it, what are you going to do? Rip it up? What do you, you know what I mean? Your teeth, your digestive tract, your lack of claws. I don't know why you would ever think you were a carnivore. There's no biological evidence for that. And there's a lot of biological evidence that you thrive on a plant-based diet. Now, there's always outliers. I know, I already hear, I don't even need to look at the comments. I know there's always outliers. People think they can't eat plants and maybe have reason to believe that. Fine. But just in general, again, if you look at population level, you would have to let me know where the carnivores are at. What's up, Jane? Jane said, yeah, I was sad to miss you yesterday. It was my birthday and I always look forward to getting on here with you. Oh, happy birthday, Jane. Yeah. I had a miss yesterday. You know what happens. I don't like it either, but, uh, it kind of happened. Um, Jane said, but I did go out to dinner and have lobster and crab ravioli. All right, an ice cream cake. Didn't feel guilty though. Jane, I'm so proud of you. And Jane, I know it sounds strange, but a lot of times getting control of your eating, a lot of times it starts by deciding you're gonna eat the thing you really like, deciding you're gonna eat the cake, deciding you have the pizza, the cookies, the whatever you you consider the bad food is and program yourself. Remember, Jane, this is— I was talking about this on the, um, on the call on Tuesday with the clean pleasure days and program yourself. Then we build our whole eating plan around our pleasure meal. And there's a very deep psychological reason we do that. So I think that's wonderful, Jane. You got to experience eating the cake guilt-free, and that's a real big step forward. And I think now you have a reference point for how good that felt, because I bet you enjoyed eating that cake. And I'm curious to know if you overate it. So if you go into it planning on doing it, giving yourself that permission, I'm curious to see what the experience was, if you overate it or not. And you may have— again, it doesn't matter what the answer is, but at least you did something different, Jane. So I'm proud of you. And, uh, yeah, again, happy birthday. Um, Lauren says, excited to try your hypnosis. Does your program have to be done first thing in the morning? Um, no. There's no have-tos with Program Yourself Thin. You know, you always kind of adjust it and tweak it to your reality. I think best practices for the average person is that when you wake up in the morning, listen to the 5-minute session. I think that's best practice for most people. But again, there's only— there's one golden rule of Program Yourself Thin, and that is that there are no rules. There's only what works for you. Okay? There's no right and wrong. There's only what works for you. And so if you like to listen to that 5-minute session that I say for most people is going to work best in the morning, But if you find that for you and your situation, it works best at night, knock yourself out. That's fine. The main thing is you listen to it. You know, that's, that's the main thing. If you listen to it every day, and I know you all can set aside at least 5 minutes a day, program yourself, then I would say requires to get the best results, 6 minutes a day, 5 minutes of the hypnosis session, uh, the mandatory one. And, uh, well, I say mandatory because nothing's mandatory, but, but I think for best practices. 5 minutes of the hypnosis session and 1 minute of doing the program yourself, then technique. If you can dedicate 6 minutes a day to that, you're, you're going to be all set. Okay. On top of that, you know, if you have some extra time, sometimes you listen to the 10-minute, you know, weekly session at least once a week, but ideally more. Um, and then you start picking away at the blueprint, you know, but that's, that's basically it. So no, you don't have to do it in the morning. I just think for most people, that's kind of the time that typically works. Best for people. Anita says poor motivation means no action, no success. What's really important to you that will enable you to lose? Looking good is okay motivation, but just not deep enough. Too shallow, friends. Got to be more. Thanks, Jim, you say better than me. No, that's great, Anita. I love how you said that. And I love when people in the program kind of give their perspective on it because it's true. It's— again, and I'm not saying to— I'm not saying don't want to lose weight and don't want to be a see that number on the scale and don't want to look good in pictures. Of course I'm not saying that. I'm saying it's just not enough. And I can explain why scientifically. They've— there's a science of motivation. A lot of people don't know that. They've studied motivation scientifically, and it's really fascinating. There's a lot of really valuable, insightful things they've learned from it. And long story short, without going into the details of it right now, um, you're, you're the number on the scale, looking good in pictures, the size clothes and what clothes you're going to wear. All of those things are what are referred to as extrinsic motivators. And while they— it is motivation, it's not as strong as intrinsic motivation. And dieting has conditioned you to really just focus on extrinsic motivation. It's not nearly enough. And this is why the vast majority of people fail to lose weight with dieting. So it literally starts with motivation. Yeah, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them on this beautiful Friday. I hope— I don't know where you all are, but here in Massachusetts it is 67 again. And I don't know, I'm not gonna lie, it has been kind of tough. There was a couple beautiful days like 2 weeks ago, and then it was freezing cold again. And I don't know, I'm just feeling I swear to you, I'm here, I'm like feeling like the cold this year. I felt it more than I normally do. So the weather's really kind of been impacting me a bit this year, I've felt. Um, so it's nice. Yeah, it's getting up to like— I don't know where we're at. So yeah, 62 already. It's gonna get up to 67. So, uh, yeah, I don't know, feeling good. It's nice. It's sunny out. That's nice. You know, grass is getting ready to turn green. It's exciting. I love, love springtime. I think most people do. Um, Sam Jesse says, is that video pinned here on your TikTok? Um, I'm not sure what video— oh no, the video I was talking about, no, that's not, because it's like a 20-minute training. Um, but yeah, again, folks, if you're not in my world, click the link in my bio, uh, go get that hypnosis session. Not— I give you more stuff, I give you more free stuff than anyone I've ever heard of. I literally— I just started for free, by the way. I, I give away a program I used to charge for And basically it's called PYT Daily. And every day I send you an email and a lot of times it's just a quick email. You read it, support, teach you something. Um, sometimes I'll send a link with it to go, you know, check something out, everything. And it's free. Okay. That's my promise to you. I'm so excited to be able to offer it. So I think we're in the second or third week of it, but it's ready to go. So again, um, once you opt in for the hypnosis session, within the next couple of days, you'll get an email. And if you want the PYT Daily, all you have to do is click a link and you'll start getting it. I can't just send it to you because I'm not going sending you daily emails. I don't want to spam you, but if you want that, you'll have the option to sign up for it. But again, it's completely free. And I also give you that training, how to master your weight, the hypnosis session, all that stuff's free. The goal weight quiz, I'll be sending out an email this week for the goal weight quiz, free. Okay, so again, this is a mission for me to help as many people as possible live at their goal weight. And so, but you got to opt in. I can't just send you this stuff, you know, you got to opt in. And it's important that you do because again, you may see a video of mine and be like, wow, that's really good. And I think that's great. But I think what you really need is you need consistency. And that's what PYT Daily will do for you for free, okay? Is it'll consistently just put these ideas in front of you and it will consistently cause you to think differently about your weight. And that's where the real changes you're looking for come from. So go check that out. Um, Jane says, we ate early and I had nothing after that. I ate all of it. It was portioned by the restaurant. The piece of cake was not that big. Okay, Jane, so that, that sounds— that to me sounds like a healthy eating pattern. See, healthy eating patterns aren't only when we eat a salad or a piece of fruit. We can have healthy eating patterns with eating cake, right? Do you understand that? I think a lot of people don't. And Jane, that's what we're talking about with the pleasure meal. The pleasure meal is when we intentionally say, I'm gonna have cake ahead of time, but I'm not gonna eat all the cake. I don't want to eat all the cake. When I eat all the cake, I feel like shit physically, mentally, and emotionally afterwards. I want to eat the perfect amount of cake. Well, what's the perfect amount? Oh, you're at a restaurant, that was the perfect amount. If you're at home, maybe it's a piece of it and I enjoyed it and then I was done. That's how you get the most pleasure out of cake. That's how you get the most pleasure out of any food. Binging is not pleasurable, folks. It seems pleasurable in those couple minutes when you're eating, but then it turns instantly into pain the second you're done eating. So the ultimate pleasure is part of the consequence phase. And so when you eat the food you like in a moderate way, that's how you get the most pleasure out of it because you still got to eat the food. Yeah, you gave up a little bit of eating, but then you gave yourself hours of feeling good about yourself, of feeling light, of feeling healthy, of feeling proud, of feeling successful. So I'm super proud of you, Jane, and that's a really big reference point for you, I hope, because it even sounds— I mean, even the way you're writing about it, it's got a much calmer, more grounded energy to it than, for example, how you would write about like the chocolate bars. There seems to be a much more frenetic, frazzled energy around that than how you're describing the cake. I mean, I, I'm just taking that of a couple lines you've written, so I may or may not be accurate, but It just seems like the whole vibe and energy you brought into the birthday meal, you could really learn a lot from because that's the energy you want to bring into pleasure meals. And once you have some pleasure meals in your life that you can rely on and expect and look forward to, it changes the whole energy of how you move through things and how you're willing to change your eating when it's not pleasure days too. It feels more balanced. Yeah. Okay. So Jane goes, I didn't go to bed feeling stuffed, which was nice. You see, Jane? So again, I'm really proud of you because that— I know you fought against it because you've been stuck in that all-or-nothing diet mindset. But by going into your birthday dinner and eating it that way, you got to experience firsthand the power of pleasure eating because you got to be more grounded and calm. You ate the right amount. You went to bed not feeling stuffed. You got to celebrate your birthday. You got to eat what you like. You get to be with people. It was just, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win. Now, I can hear the voice in your head saying, yeah, but I didn't cut my calories down, so I'm not gonna lose weight. That's bullshit, because A, you probably consumed less calories than if you hadn't done it that way, I think. But B, it just starts to feel right because that's not the last pleasure meal you're gonna have. Again, one of the biggest mistake dieters make is they start their diet off by taking away the pleasure meals. They start Monday off by saying, okay, no more sugar, no more cake ever again. That's instantly the fastest way to get yourself obsessed with cake and to feel cravings and desire for cake. But if you keep the cake there and say, okay, boy, that cake was really good. I can have cake again next Saturday. I'm gonna look forward to it all week, but I'm just going to have it once a week and I'm going to eat it moderately. I'm going to really enjoy it. And if I eat well between now and then, I'll enjoy it even more because I'll just feel really grounded. I'll probably lose some weight. This is how you have your cake and your body too, folks. It's a strategy thing. Yeah, Jane says it did feel right. Yeah, exactly, Jane. That's what I want for you. So again, that's such a big deal. And I just want to point out once again, we zoom out a little bit. Your specific journey here is that I told you if you stick with this and you will just relax a little bit so that you can become more aware and allow yourself to learn from the good and the bad things, it's, it's impossible not to improve and get better. And it's, it's really interesting too, because next year at your birthday, I think you're going to be shocked if you continue walking this path. You're going to be shocked at how much of a difference this next year is going to make for you and where you're at next year at this time. So I think that's the most beautiful way to kick off this next year for you is with that birthday dinner you just had. I think you should think of that as a fundamental building block for you because that's your pleasuring. That's pleasuring in a nutshell. So plan when you're going to have your next pleasure meal, not next fucking year, this week. Make it next week. Make it, make it. I don't know, whenever you want it to be, but make it no more than 7 days ahead. If you made it every 3 days, Jane, right? If you're talking about, well, I eat 3 candy bars 7 days a week. Well, what if you plan to have 3 candy bars 3 days a week and you do it, and then the other 4 days a week it's easier for you to say no to them? Well, that's an enormous statistical improvement calorically over what you were doing, and now you've got a much deeper reference point for it. So great job. Good job. Alexandra says, how do I stop sabotaging myself on the weekends? I think that's a good starting point question, but it's problem-oriented. Okay, so when you say, how do I stop sabotaging myself on the weekends? What you're imagining in your mind is how you sabotage yourself. So again, I don't know how you specifically do it or what food you specifically eat in order to sabotage yourself. But when you say, I need to stop sabotaging, how do I stop sabotaging myself? You're subconsciously focusing on what you don't want to do. And that keeps you trapped because you never get clear on what do I want to do on the weekends? So I'm going to, I'm going to challenge you to flip that question over into a solution-oriented one. And a solution-oriented question would look something like, how can I eat moderately over the weekend? How can I feel like I'm still in control and make good food choices throughout the weekend? Now, the more specific I was about how I've sabotaged myself, the more specific my solution-oriented question could become. So let's say sabotaging myself on the weekend is I do all— I do great on Saturday until the evening comes, and I overeat dinner, and then I snack all night. Let's just say that as an example. So then my question would become, okay, what can I do to be more moderate during my Sunday dinner, and how can I improve after dinner? Notice I keep improve as a general catch-all. I'm not saying how can I stop snacking after dinner. That's a huge lift. And Program yourself. Then we've got the 3 Rs of weight loss: reduce, replace, remove. Most dieters just focus on remove. So in that case, it'd be like, how do I stop snacking after dinner? Okay, that's one option, and maybe you're up for that, but maybe you're not. And so we have two other options too. That's why I say, how can I improve? Because improve after dinner includes all three of these. And maybe I got the focus and motivation to remove, and I just stop. I don't do it. Okay, that's one option. And if that works, great. But if I'm not up to that, if I'm not feeling that, it's freaking me out, then I say, okay, how can I reduce what I'm doing? How can I cut 25% out of what I typically eat after dinner on Saturday nights? Reduce. And then the other one's replace. And these can be used together. Maybe I'll replace the ice cream with Halo ice cream. It's a little lower calorie. Maybe I'll replace, you know, that bag of chips. With this baked bag of chips, whatever. Okay, so you're still getting a lot of the experience minus a percentage of calories. So that's how I'd start to approach it. What's up, Noella? Noella says, I'm with you, feeling the cold this year. Yeah, right. I don't know, a lot of people have said that. I can tell you, if you live anywhere near in New England, it's been extra cold. So again, I don't know how weather works around the the country here, but in New England it has been an extra cold year. And a lot of people I know that live up here have been kind of saying the same thing. So I, I think, I think it is real. I don't think it's just me, but I think, I think it's legit. Um, and again, we can acknowledge that, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. Mary says, thank you so much for all the free things, I've used them all. I'm 7 pounds to my goal weight. You're best. I love your book. Thank you, Mary, I appreciate you saying that. That's awesome. Screenshot that, put it on my little screenshot testimonial page I'm creating. Um, yeah, Anita says you have to choose the cake. The cake can't be a given. Yes, absolutely. That's so true, because the earlier you choose the cake, the more you can kind of anticipate it and you get more pleasure out of it. Most of the pleasure you get from food is derived before you eat it. We have more wiring in our brain for the anticipation of pleasure than the experience of it, which makes a lot of sense evolutionarily because it takes a lot more motivation and action to get the food than to eat it once it's in front of us. That makes a lot of sense. And neurologically comes down to dopamine, right? So the dopamine is really firing off to get you to do something. So, um, the, the imagination of eating food is where all the pleasure is. That's where the dopamine is. Dopamine is not involved when you're eating it. That's a different— that's your pleasure-based system. It's a different system. So, um, it's helpful to notice that, right? Because it is true. Uh, what's up, Sangita? How's it going? Yeah, Jane says, okay, this Sunday I'm having another pleasure meal. Wonderful. I'm really proud of you, Jane. And I know it sounds strange. I, I'll give you an example what I mean here. And I think like it's counterintuitive sometimes that if we say, okay, I gotta lose weight and eat better, so I'm gonna start with eating better. And I think it is, it's a counterintuitive idea to think, well, I'm going to start losing weight and eating better by eating my favorite pleasure meal. Huh? That's an odd place to start, it seems like. But I think it's the same thing. Like, if you want to go to bed earlier, I think the best way to work on that is to get up earlier. So, so a lot of times, like, where the problem's showing up is not where the problem was created. And so as we start to kind of get more creative and start to realize that a lot of times solutions are kind of counterintuitive. And that's kind of the fun of the whole process, I think. But, but yeah, as you start to like build around your pleasure meals, it'll be interesting, Jane. And again, I'm not telling you what doing that's going to do to you. What I'm saying is that doing that is going to do something to you. And I want you to pay attention to what that thing is. It makes it easier, it makes it harder. And we take note of it, adjust it, and we use that information moving forward. And if you keep doing that, Jane, You're a smart person. If you keep looking at things that way, you start to understand yourself. You start to create a strategy and a structure for how to live that's built around you that works for you. It's— this isn't, this isn't dieting where you're just going to see if I— how long I can stick to it. This is you creating a custom-made system and plan for yourself to live at your goal weight. And if you keep approaching it this way, you're constantly getting feedback telling you what's working and what needs to be tweaked. And so when you stop beating yourself up and use that energy to pay attention to what's working and what needs to be tweaked, how can you not dramatically improve over months, years, to right where you want to be? I don't even know how it's possible. Jane says, we've had no snow up here in Vancouver. No snow? We had a ton of snow this year, and it was cold. This is true. Cassie says, I need a healthier coping mechanism than eating. Yeah, agreed, Cassie. And I think that's a really smart thing to say. Listen though, but it's not— I wouldn't blame you so much because in this culture we really have been conditioned and trained to use food as our main emotional management strategy. And that's because that sells more food for them. So we're never really taught how to deal with our emotions genuinely. And so most of us go to food and you do it both directions. You're celebrating food, you're depressed food. And this is conditioning. This never existed in history. It's so funny. I was having this conversation with a client, a long-term client the other day. And, um, you know, before 200 years ago, there was no eating for pleasure. There was just eating for fuel. 200 years ago, you— there was no sugar. I mean this literally. There was no sugar 200 years ago. And there's sugarcane if you lived in 3 areas of the world. And that— even that sugar wasn't like the sugar we have now. You weren't making cakes and cookies and Bullshit, you know, there wasn't really even sugar in any— I just, I just showed this. I had the graph of sugar production, and before that, I'm kind of exaggerating a little bit. Let's say, let's say 300 years, and I mean literally 300 years before 1700, there was no sugar trade. So what do you— what, where were you getting sugar? There was no sugar at a point in time. There wasn't salt, you know what I mean? Spices were like traded like gold. So, and when I say like it didn't exist, I mean it existed in tiny, tiny little things. Certain people had a little access to it, but I'm talking about now. Now it's like sugar has been embedded into everything in our lives and all the food, and it's completely unnatural. It didn't even exist for most of human history. You ate to nourish yourself. There was no emotional eating. There wasn't enough food, and the food you had access to wasn't emotionally like, other than the fact that you weren't going to die. And you were nourished, there was no, it wasn't the palatability, it wasn't like this processed food we've been raised on that's really almost like a drug in the terms of how it affects us emotionally and physiologically. So anyway, so Cassie, you're right about that. And let me take it a step deeper though too, because I need a healthier coping mechanism than eating. That's an interesting way to phrase that, because what you're doing is you're focusing on the symptom of the deeper problem. Still, you're closer, but you're still focusing on the wrong thing, because the emotional eating— that's what you're saying. I need a healthier coping mechanism than emotional eating. And the emotional eating is a symptom of something deeper, and the deeper thing is exactly what you want to look for. And the deeper thing is that you don't have a strategy that you can rely on and that you believe in that you can use when you get emotional. Now, what's your emotion? Well, maybe you get stressed or depressed or angry. So everyone's got specific emotions that kind of trigger them most. What are yours? And now once you identify those, now the question becomes, how can I deal with my anger in a genuine way that doesn't involve food at all? How can I genuinely get a handle on my anger when I get angry? How can I genuinely feel better when I start to feel depressed? What are some things I can do? Uh, what are some things I can do when I start to feel sad and lonely? I'm gonna call someone, have a conversation. Maybe I go down to the Y and hang out with those other people there. Makes me feel better. Take an exercise class. Maybe I go to my painting class. Whatever. It, the, the answer is, you know, whatever works for you. But it's the question that gets us there. So you're right on the money, Cassie. Stick with that though. What can I do, uh, to move myself from this state to this state when I feel that way? And once you have that answer, uh, what happens is your brain will prefer that over the food because that's a much better strategy. Once it is a better strategy, but the food's not helping anyways. So that's a great question and great, um, awareness. He says put on music that makes you happy. Yeah, that could be a great strategy right now. Again, that's, that's a, that's an example of what could be a great strategy. It may or may not be a great strategy for Cassie, but that's a great idea of what we're looking for. You know, now again, depends on what Cassie's all about. What does Cassie like to do? So this is why I can't tell you, Cassie. I don't know you. I don't know what you like to do. I don't know what you're interested in. I don't know what your lifestyle is. But what I would say is that you do. And so what are some things that, you know, when you do them, you feel better? What are some things that you've done in the past that made you feel better that you kind of forgot about? And then if you started doing them, that would be something to rely on. But again, if you ask these questions and really consider it, I think very quickly you'll come up with some better ideas. And what I'm trying to say, and I think you started this right in the beginning, it's not about how do I stop emotional eating. That question is never enough, folks, because what do you want to be? A, you want to stop emotional eating? Okay, great. So now you're a thin, depressed person. Now you're a thin, sad person, a thin, angry person. That's not really the full goal of what you want. So, so when you approach it this way, it's much more aimed at the center thing that you're really looking for, which, which again is more than just weight loss. It's, it's a feeling and being a different version of yourself, showing up differently. Yeah. Yeah. Ask yourself if you're hungry enough to eat an apple. If you're not, not hungry. Now, again, that's a valuable exercise and technique to use, but it's not going to matter because We've all done that before. And you say, I don't want to fucking apple. Why? Because it's not even about hunger. It's about emotional stuff. And you have to understand that a lot of times when we're feeling a negative emotion, let's just stick with negative emotions for a second. But you're feeling an unpleasant emotion, whatever it may be— anger, sadness, loneliness, depression, exhaustion, whatever you're feeling that way and you just want a break from it. And the food, it's not so much that it makes you feel better because it doesn't resolve any of the core problem. What it's doing more of is it's distracting you from the core problem for a few minutes. So as you focus on the eating and as you eat, what's happening is you're pulling attention away from whatever's upsetting you in the first place. So there's this temporary sense of relief through distraction. There's also some physiological stuff. I mean, you eat some sugar. Sugar is literally a pain reliever. So there are some physiological effects as well. But the primary mechanism is that psychologically you're, you're distracting yourself. So, which is not a bad thing, you know, because listen, listening to music, going to read a book, going for a walk, doing an art class, those are distraction things too. But they're distraction things that also change you in a much more physiological way. Because when we rely on the food, yes, we get the distraction effect of it. We get the physiological momentary effects of the sugar high or the food glucose high. But then the second we're done eating, the problem that we had is now worse because now we pile on top of it. And now you ate as well, and now you did that again. And so we make the core problem even worse after the eating's done. Whereas if we do something genuine, like go for a walk, read a book, call someone, whatever, we finish that behavior and we feel better. And that's the big difference. So I hope that makes sense. All right, cool. I think we're done. All right, I'm gonna get out of here. I got a lot of stuff to do. So, uh, yeah, if you're not in my world, please click the link in my bio. Go get the free hypnosis session that I made for you. Again, if you're on TikTok, click my picture in the top left-hand window. If you are in Facebook or YouTube, you can click the link I just put in the comments. Get that free hypnosis session. I give you a bunch of free stuff, but that's just the first thing you get to get yourself started. I'm here every Monday through Friday. So if you like this, please show up here, ask questions. I'm happy to help you out in any way that I can. I'm here every Monday through Friday around noon Eastern. If you can't make the live and you like listening to this, it's also a podcast. You can search any podcast platform, search Program Yourself Then, up it pops. You can listen to it anytime you want. And there's also this book, The Tao of Living at Your Goal Weight. It's available on amazon.com. You can get the physical book or you can get the Kindle version. Physical books, $9, $10. I'd suggest getting this, but get either one. People say it's the best book on weight they've ever read in their lives. All right, everyone, have a super duper weekend and we'll talk soon. Bye.