Inside JLC: Bring Your Best Self to Every Meeting

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome again to JLC Media. My name is Ray. I'm the founder of jlc. This is Colleen Sullivan. She's our chief operating officer. This is one of our mentors and associates. And Terry, tell us a little bit about your background because they don't see you enough. Tell us a little about who you are.

Oh, thanks, Ray. My name is Terry Moulton. I'm a retired medical Service Corps officer after 37 years in the Navy and I retired as the Deputy Surgeon General of Navy Medicine. And I now work with JLC Associates trying to give back a little bit.

Well, you are. You give back all the time. This having Terry on here is really important to me because he was one of the people that took to heart in live real time. How do I adjust the way I show up at a meeting? So we're going to talk today about asking ourselves a couple of essential questions that would help me set the stage for how I'm going to show up in a meeting. I'd like to develop an understanding with you that some of the behaviors that I exhibit at a meeting are subconscious and unconscious. And at the end, I would like each of us to think of one question I need to ask myself or two or three. A couple of questions to ask myself as I'm going to this next meeting. Either virtually zoom, Google Meets, whatever you're going to, Microsoft Teams, whatever one you're going to. Because sometimes I orient myself in a way that makes me a less valuable member of the meeting. Colleen, what are you hearing me say? What are you thinking?

Sure, what I heard you say today we're going to be talking about really kind of what are some questions we can ask ourselves to get us ready and focused on on a meeting, whether we're running the meeting or being a participant. And it's really kind of how can we ensure that we are, you know, really producing the best meeting possible. And it really got me thinking about how much time we spend in meetings just across the country and if we could enhance that, how much more effective we could be as leaders and even throughout, as organizations really in producing the desired results.

That's great, Colleen. We actually, Colleen and I and Terry follow this literature and it's a really scary number. It's somewhere between 70 and high 80s probably percent of the studies that are done where people say 70 to 80 something percent of the meetings I go to are not worth it. I wasted my time. I took time away from my real work. So it's just. That's a great comment. Thank you. Thank You, Terry, what did you hear anymore? Just.

Just to sort of pare it down. What one thing can I do for the meetings that I'm going to? Part of what. That's what we'll be sharing in this meeting.

This was actually. Thank you, Terry. This is actually a conversation Terry and I had on the way to the Pentagon one time because he was going to one on behalf of his boss, and his boss got out of it by getting Terry to go to it, and he's like. And so we ended up having this conversation going toward the Pentagon in a car with another wonderful gentleman who is now working as comptroller. And as we went, it was an interesting conversation about how do I show up and let go of the fact that I don't really want to do this. This was kind of given to me at the last minute. I had 90 trillion other things that were supposed to get done today. So, yeah, so I think showing up and truly bringing your best self. So that's kind of what this is. To bring my best self. And notice how Terry characterized that. What can I do? What can I do to bring my best self to this meeting? So that's kind of the provocation. So what is a question that I would say I want to do my best. So here's how we'll set it up. Here's a question I'm going to ask each of my colleagues to respond to. You're going to a meeting, and I want you to reflect on. Did I do my best to blank? Did I do my best to blank? What pops up first, Harry?

Did I do my best to learn in the meeting what I can do and what do I need to do differently going forward?

Yeah. So you notice on that one. That's a great one. I wrote it down. So it's a great one. Because a lot of times people go to meetings and they are kind of hypnotized during the meeting. They don't really engage. They don't really play. And if you're actually there saying, wait a minute, what can I do about myself to make sure I find something in some meaning in this meeting? Again, searching for meaning. Find some meaning that allows me to behave differently when I get back to the office, that's really, really good. T. What about you, Colleen? Did I do my best to.

So we're asking reflective questions after the meeting that will help us learn about our performance, just to clarify. So I think for me, one of the things that I ask, because we talk a lot about with our CL. Distractions, they're Constant. And not just at the beginning of the meeting, but throughout the meeting. So I think one question that I always ask myself is, you know, how did I do in staying focused, beautiful and engaged throughout the meeting? And when I found myself drift, how did I bring myself back? So it's two edges and being really deliberate because, you know, we all know, we all kind of go on those brief mental vacations or we get distracted, and that's okay. But how can I regulate myself to bring myself back to the conversation?

That's magnificent. See, it's not just enough to say that I do my best in listening to others at the meeting. I get distracted by my own head. I have nine things pop up when somebody says something. And now I left and I'm telling myself some stories. Story, and I'm not here. So I would say yes, did I do my best to stay engaged during the meeting? And I would also wonder that I do my best to come back from my little wandering down a rabbit trail. So these are a couple of really good questions. I'm going to kind of get you to give me a couple more. So you hear the whole idea here. And I don't want to give people. I don't want. You have 20 questions. I love three to five, maybe six on the outside questions. We heard a couple of good ones. Have another one. Colleen got another one.

Sure. I think one thing is because many times, you know, especially if I'm the meeting leader. Right. One, perhaps I'm running the meeting, and many times people just disseminate information. So I think a great reflective question, you know, is, did I engage every voice in the meeting? Those meetings are an opportunity for a collaborative conversation, not just one person that's giving the presentation or the meeting leader to weigh in. It's recognizing that this is your opportunity to lay everyone's best thinking on the table. So as the meeting leader, I would reflect, you know, did I do my best to engage every voice in the meeting?

I love it. And see, and that's a statement of diversity and inclusion, because I think we think sometimes that's an end state. But it's actually a behavior that I do my best to keep these for everyone engaged that's in the meeting. Terry, you got another one?

Yeah. I think what Colleen says, really, really good. And for you, as the leader of the meeting, to be aware of what's going on and the dynamics of that. But going into meetings like the Pentagon or staying engaged in the meeting, One of the things I do, and you guys already know, is I write down what's going on in the meeting. And then when I find myself drifting away, I can come back to my notebook and that helps me focus in the meeting. And then if I have a do out or what can I do? My committed action from a meeting, I'll draw a little box and say, that's.

What I've got to do.

Boom, Forward. Another technique for a leader.

Fantastic. It's almost like what Terry's doing there is almost that we say this in our company, the definition of a professional. Make a promise and keep it in the best interest of your clients, best interests of your colleagues, best interests of whomever it is that you're meeting with. So this little piece of making promises and keeping them critical, and I have never watched anyone be more focused on that than Terry. He does it beautifully. And he even said to me, I have to be careful that my notes don't distract me, that I the writing. And somebody said, what are you saying? So actually I can see him. And he did this in a meeting. He said, hold on, I was writing something down. What'd you say? That is such a clear statement of safe space. So did I do my best to sustain safe space in the meeting that I'm in is another very interesting question. Well, I think we've got a few on board here. I want you guys to be thinking about this. I'm going to leave you with one that I attempted to do today and I would have to give myself a check mark. On the plus side, did Ray, did I do my best to acknowledge my colleagues, confirm that I understood, and respond respectfully that ACRR thing that I have shared with the world, as many of the world wants to hang out with me to acknowledge somebody's words, confirm your understanding. And I did it today mostly with nods, and yet you got it. And then respond respectfully or even extend that power in that piece that I do my best to acknowledge and respond respectfully to the people in the room with me today that enables relationships to develop. Relationships are everything in our world. So as we always do, tell this listener who's sitting in East Jabab here is one thing I want you to think about practicing one question that I really think of all the questions we brought up, let's just give them one that resonated most with you, Terry, which one resonated most?

I think for meetings and making it valuable for you. Think about what did I learn from this meeting and what do I do differently as a technique to allow you to reflect on the meeting and then have a Committed action going forward.

I love it. Did I do something, did I learn something that would, then I could transfer into my practice when I returned to my practice or even immediately after the meeting. Some things can be done almost instantly. That's great, Terry. Thank you, Colleen.

Oh, I think, you know, I mean, there's so many great questions that laid out on the table and I really like Terry's around learning because he talked about kind of on the, on the inside, committed actions and ensuring that you're constantly thinking about how am I going to shift? How is this going to change my day to day? How am I going to get more effective? And I really like that piece. I think the other piece, when he said it originally, what I thought about was how am I going to show up and suspend certainty? So I'm open to listening to alternative perspectives because that's. I can't learn a new way and I can't listen to what Terry has to say if I'm constantly in my mind judging or closing them off or I'm pissed off about the last meeting because he, he didn't, you know, take my idea and run with it. So that's an internal piece that I think we need to be mindful of is how am I staying in a space of curiosity and not judgment where I'm suspending my certainty and I'm really open to listening and understanding an alternative perspective.

That's just beautiful, Colleen. The gentleman that taught us dialogue was David Bohm and he used to. These are old time analogies, but he said it was like putting your clothes out on a line. You suspend all of your thinking, you suspend all of your assumptions. You suspend where you are. By the way, that's a statement of vulnerability. If I can't suspend my current belief structure or my current attitude, I can't put a new one in there. I can't learn something new. There's so much to this work about suspension. Beautifully stated by both of you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for being with us today. I hope wherever you were going today, the gym or driving in the car or sitting at home with a cocktail, however you did it, I hope you enjoyed this one. It was really wonderful being with my friends and colleagues again. Thank you for being with us and take care. Sincerest thanks for listening to this episode of the Everyday Leadership Conversations podcast. The Jorgensen Learning center offers a variety of programs for individuals and organizations to enhance their communication and leadership skills. To find out more about programs and upcoming webinars, check out our events page@gojlc.com.