Empathy can feel right in business

Empathy is a funny word. So let's demystify empathy, because it is— for most of us, it feels like, oh my goodness, I have to somehow relate to that person. I somehow have to be compassionate. I somehow have to say I'm sorry. Well, empathy is actually none of those. If listening for facts, paraphrasing, is that skill of just listening for facts, Empathy is listening for the emotion that you hear. What is the emotion that you hear from the other person? You don't have to share that emotion. It is simply to acknowledge that person, they feel that way. And in business, we've built it up so much because we have given people scripts that they have to say, such as, I am so sorry, but it sounds ingenuine. People have been using scripts for so long with the word I'm sorry that it's lost all its meaning. So let me give you 3 examples of empathy. Because empathy in business could be number one, which is what I call cognitive empathy, which is just simply our thinking. So let's go back to our client who said times are tough. So if we— if our salesperson had walked in and used empathy at that moment, build rapport, to build some trust, to connect with that person, They may not agree. Maybe times for their company are doing really well, so they can't really acknowledge that that's going on in their world. But the client is telling you times are tough in their world. So to simply acknowledge that and go, you know, absolutely, client, I can hear that these are difficult times for you and your business. Is that correct? Is that right? And the client feels heard and they start to lower their guard. They start to go, oh, this person is actually trying to connect with me. The second empathy is what we call emotional empathy. That's when you do put a little bit of emotion into it, where you actually maybe can understand or you can relate to what that person is. So that happens a bit more in life. So if our client says times are tough and maybe you know this client really well, this is a relationship you have with this client, then you might say, Absolutely, I've known you for a long time and I could see it in your face that these are, these are really struggling times. You know, this is, this is not easy. We're struggling here as well. So I can totally relate. We start to build an emotional connection with them. They feel not just heard and understood, they really feel connected. And the third one is when you really are connected to that person, which we call compassionate empathy. So first one, cognitive, thinking about it, acknowledge the emotion. Second one, emotional, I connect, I share that emotion. And the third one is compassionate. And compassion is, think of, you see a little kitten in a box. And you just go, aww. That's what compassion is. Or you see a little child with some chocolate on their face and you just go, aww. Compassion is immediately your heart melts, you want to be there. So client says, times are tough. You know this client really well, and the first thing you might say is, client, how can I help? What can— what do you need? What can we do? You forget about the product, you forget about the sale. It becomes about a human connection.