Overcoming Loss with Mark Tabit

All right. Good morning, everybody, and happy Friday. Welcome to Fearless, a production of Fuel. And if you're not familiar with Fuel, definitely check it out. It's www.myfuel.io where you've got access to now about 50 instructors, world-class instructors, New York Times bestsellers, TEDx Hall of Famers, things like that. And we've now also introduced— a number of us have AI bots, so you can actually interact with us 24/7 all over the world. The bots are loaded with our body of work. So, in my case, my AI bot has got about 40 years of hundreds of interviews, the books I've written, hundreds of podcasts, YouTube clips, things like that. It's very impressive. So, check out the AI bots and check out the courses that we offer. So, Fearless is all about helping people confront fear and anxiety and stress. And in today's world, with all the things that are changing and the uncertainty, the idea here is to help you get through that. Today's guest is a guy that's just awesome. I've known Mark Tabat for over 40 years. In fact, we went to Notre Dame together. Mark's had an incredibly successful career in the financial services. sector and wealth management and real estate. But Marc, like all of us, has had some real challenges in life and some real adversity. And very different than my guest last week, René Godefroy, who grew up with nothing in Haiti and no water, no electricity, and made a global name for himself on the speaking platform. Marc came from a different background, but he's going to reveal some of the things that prepared him for a devastating situation just over a year ago. So with that, let me welcome Mark Tabat. Mark, it's great to have you here and good to see you again, buddy.

John, as always, great seeing you. And thank you. Thank you for inviting me on. I'm a big fan of yours.

All right. Well, good. And so, Mark, I want to give you center stage today and just to hear Your words of wisdom. I know there are a couple of takeaways. Let's just get right to that, that I want the audience to take with them and remember and use to help guide them. And one takeaway is, you know, you make the comment, it's all about people and surrounding yourself with good people. And so, we're going to talk a little bit about that. And you also said you had a little phrase, and we'll talk about this one too, dig a hole. So, what in the world does dig a hole mean? We'll get to that as well. But let's go right to a year, a little over a year ago, January of 2025. And I'll give the audience just a hint here. Mark had a beautiful home in the Palisades, Pacific Palisades. If you know anything about what happened a little over January of 2025 in the Palisades, the place literally went up in flames. So, Mark, just give us a an idea what that was like, if you will.

Well, I mean, as you can imagine, first of all, Pacific Palisades is one of the most beautiful towns in the world. And we were fortunate enough to live there 30 years. And my wife and my 4 children, 2 grandchildren gathered there on very special days from Easter to Thanksgiving and memories That, that, uh, um, we'll always have. But it was our gathering spot. It was our home. And, uh, as, as you, you know, the, the fire broke out, uh, winds were high. Um, and at the same time, um, um, we were in the center of town, our home. So we could walk to the village, things like that. So we had a really great— Great location. And, um, we have a pool filled with water. We had a fire hydrant at the end of our driveway, and, uh, the fire station was 2 blocks away. Um, and a big friggin', uh, reservoir on top of the mountain. So we felt, we felt like we are in good shape. We will evacuate. We went to our son's house. And we proceeded to watch David Muir show our, our house and our street burned to the ground in ashes. And, you know, the next day, 2 of my sons and I hiked up the mountain to Pacific Palisades, walked through the town. And, you know, there were thousands of homes down. At the same time, there were, there were a few homes standing. The downtown area was standing. I took photos of friends' homes that were standing. Hey, you know, I'm up, up here and it looks horrible, but you, you, your house has made it. We got to our house and, um, when we got there, you know, uh, everything had collapsed into the basement and there were a few, uh, a few flickering flames, if you will, like candles. Um, and, you know, I was just, I was somewhat just, just in a daze. Because I was just looking at everything and, um, started thinking about the memories, started thinking about all those, you know, all those times, whether it was Christmas or Easter, beer pong, or, you know, football arguments, who's better, who's not, all those things that happened. And it was all under that roof. And house in back of us exploded. It was still standing and it exploded. And my son said, Dad, we got to get out of here. And by the way, I mean, my sons are 35 and 40. So, you know, they're adult men. And but anyway, we We left, we started walking back. You know, it was a 2-mile, probably 2 miles. But anyway, you know, there were no fire trucks around. There were— there, there was nothing around. It was somewhat eerie. And there were hundreds of fire trucks on the beach. And most people talk about January 7th. I talk about January 8th because the church was standing. The bank was standing. Everything was standing in in in this this area. Chase Bank is right in the center of town, and we get we get back. We're watching the news, and they're doing a they're doing a television shoot. in front of the bank and the bank's burning. And, um, it was a lack of leadership. But the top leaders— leader, our governor and our mayor— were doing a photo shoot, a live shoot. And you would think, well, can't somebody call a fire truck down there and get them up? But it was where systems went unchecked. And it's where it was a— it was a— that was a bad day of leadership in terms of elected leaders. But, and I'm not trying to make a political statement, but what we also got out of this were local leaders, people that stepped up, you know, some businessmen stepped up. Community council type people stepped up. Reporters, a person that owns a newspaper stepped up. A guy that writes articles stepped up. It's amazing how all these folks came together. In the same way with people that came together to also help us, help, you know, we all need help. And out here, You know, out here, I'm fortunate, we're fortunate, but out here it's a barbell. Okay, if you imagine a, you know, set of weights and you got a barbell, you got the elderly over here who have owned their home for 50 years, and that was their bank. That was everything was there. And then you got the young people. You know, friends of my sons and daughters, you know, 35 to 45 years old, moving into homes, mortgaged to the hilt. And, you know, both sets lost everything. You know, fortunately, you know, we've rebounded. Fortunately, I got through the, the insurance piece of things, which has been bad for people out here. So You know, we look at it and I say, okay, back to your people comment. I don't think we would have gotten through, or I certainly wouldn't, if we didn't rely on people. And, you know, we're talking about people that sent us socks and underwear. We have, you know, as a gift, as a gift, one of the most touching gifts I ever received was from my aunt, who's 2 years older than me, living in West Virginia. She inherited my grandmother's china, and she packed it up and drove it to me. So it's things like that where you see the humanity of people during a bad situation. And I can give you 100 more great stories like that. Yeah.

Well, you know, you mentioned there are a lot of people in the community stepped up. You use the word stepped up.

Yeah.

Well, I remember those words well because it's the title of one of my books, Stepping Up. But you stepped up, Mark. It was, you know, you talked about other people, but you stepped up and you became a voice for people, like you just said, who essentially lost everything. What I want to do now is I want to I want you to talk a little bit about growing up and what helped prepare you for the success and the character that you have and the integrity that you have, the leadership that you have. What kind of things helped shape you to get where you are today? And any kind of adversity you've had, because I know your story pretty well, but any kind of adversity you faced, And any fear or anxiety you may have felt, how'd you get through that? Like, what'd you do?

Well, you know, I had a pretty good life there. You know, I was 8th grade, I was king of the class, basketball, football, all those great things. And my— I was going from Great school to high school. And my mom says, let's, let's, let's take a little vacation, me, you, and your sister. And so we got in the car, we drove to Kentucky, went to see her sister, and we're there for a few days. And we had dinner. And after dinner, you know, just like most of the kids, we went out, we played kick the can and all that. And I, and I'm walking back and there's There was an ambulance in the driveway and it had just started taking off. And I got to the house and my mother had an aneurysm. And, you know, on vacation, she 3 weeks later passed and my world changed. I was raised by 5 great people. My grandmother, my aunt, 2 uncles, and of course my father. And, but it was, it was a situation where, yeah, that was, that was a major adversity. And I'll get to dig a hole in a second. But, you know, I look back and because of your asking me to do this, I haven't shared this with And maybe my kids, but, you know, on Sundays we went to church. Being raised by basically 3 men, we went to church. We would come back, have a nice family dinner with my aunt and grandmother and sister, and, you know, 2 o'clock afternoon We spent our Sunday afternoons going through lists of real estate. And we were in the car together. And it's kind of amazing now that, you know, you got me thinking about this. My 2 uncles owned a furniture store. One was a natural salesman and one was a pretty sticky CPA accountant. Okay. He didn't budge on numbers. Okay. And then I had my father who was a local leader in town, but also a lawyer and put together contracts. So I was getting a masterclass, not knowing I was getting a masterclass weekly at the dinner table. And every now and then on Wednesday afternoon, well, almost every Wednesday, my uncle would come to my high school and, and check me out because I had a doctorate. A doctor's appointment, but that was also the day that they did the delinquent land sale. So I got an education in real estate. And we would be driving down the road. My uncle that was an accountant said, well, what do you think about this deal? And I would say, that sounds good to me. And he goes, well, it's the worst deal ever. Did you run the numbers? So, you know, at age 14, 15, you know, I had cap rates and square footage calculations and what happens if the cost of construction goes up by 10%. You know, lo and behold, when I got to college, you know, I had a pretty good basis of these 3 men, my father negotiating, my father being a referee between my 2 uncles. But the one Uncle Bob, he taught me not to be afraid. And he would go, he would knock on the door of the person, you know, don't disturb the— my uncle would disturb the person, says, hey, I'm interested in your property. And he would just he would just begin a conversation and they would like him. And sure enough, they would come to some agreement. My Uncle Bill would never like the agreement. He was like, you know, it was— he was the number guy. Well, you know, my dad put it together and, you know, my dad would say, hey, the best deal is when no one's happy, Bill. Yeah. So it was, it was just an education. It was an education that, you know, that didn't teach, uh, But it's in the book somewhere.

Yeah. Well, you know, you reference your 2 uncles, and I know one of them we're going to talk about digging a hole. But the other one, Uncle Bob, I mean, from the day I met you over 40 years ago, I just thought you are a natural salesman. I mean, you know how to put deals together like nobody I've ever met. And so, it's kind of interesting to hear How you, how your, maybe your uncles and your father cultivated that in you. It's in you. I mean, we all have natural gifts, but it really takes somebody to help you, help a person become more aware of it and practice it.

Yeah.

And so, clearly, you've become aware of it. It's been cultivated well, and you've used it now to do all kinds of deals over the years.

Thank you.

Yeah. So, so now, what's this dig a hole thing all about? I want to—

Oh, you know, my dad had sayings for a lot of things. And he, he was probably the, the most simple person I know, but at the same time was, was again, a leader, a person that put things together, negotiate. And, you know, my uncle would have problems with sometimes getting over something. And I would have issues, say, called in high school minor issues, but whatever. My dad would just say, dig a hole. Now, most people know what the hell that means. But my dad would say, okay, look, I'm really tired of hearing about this. You have a choice to sit here and wallow in your, you know, your despair, or you can move on. And I'm going to suggest you move on. So what we're going to do, we're going to go in the backyard. You're going to write down your problem. You know, she said something mean to me and I can't get over it. You know, I, I lost $5 in a deal, whatever, whatever the thing is.

Okay.

We're gonna dig a hole. You're gonna put that, that little piece of paper, what the problem is. We're gonna cover it up. We're gonna have a funeral.

Yeah. Okay.

We're gonna say goodbye to that. And as life has progressed, you know, I've dug more holes. I, I mean, I, I'm digging holes every day. And I'll drive down. I'm driving down one of these freeways in LA and something's bothering me, and it'll pop in my brain.

You know what?

Dig a hole, bury it, get it out of your brain because there's so much good stuff out there and good people out there. And you know, one of the things Murphy, you know, you brought up early was you know. Surrounding yourself with people, you know, because you asked me to be on here. I really, really never stopped and just started just reflecting. You helped me here reflect. Oh my God. You know, I look back, you know, I went to Holy Cross College, and which was at Notre Dame. Yeah, I went there for a year and transferred in. But I had some of the most amazing men step up and help me. They were priests and brothers of Holy Cross. They happened to be my professors, you know, chemistry, you know, biology. These, these men, they took time out. Wonderful people and became friends for life. You know, another mentor in my life, and, and I, uh, with business. It's funny, I started dating Jill when I was a senior in college, and, uh, I met her dad. You know, most father-in-laws and son-in-laws, you know, there's that, that first— Well, I mean, he was a businessman. He was a— he was, uh, loved sports. And, you know, I, you know, we started a conversation. I don't know how we started. And I love stocks. And we had this, I will never forget, we had this first conversation. And he, I said, what are you working on? He like, he goes, well, you know, he tells me a little bit about what he's working on. And, you know, I already knew, I understood what he was working I mean, I understood it because of being in that car with my, my uncles and dad, right? And I was able to converse with him. And in a weird way, back to adversity, you know, I spent 3 great years with him. I talked to him more than I talked to Jill. I mean, we were friends. He used to invite me to his Friday meeting with businessmen. And he exposed me to these different businessmen. And every Friday, and one Friday we're, we're at waiting for him to show up for lunch. And the receptionist or the person at the restaurant says, Mr. Abbott, you have a phone call. And It was my wife Jill who was at the hospital and said, I'm here, Dad died. Now I had, I had in that small period of time of my life, that compressed period of time that you're asking me, you know, I had this adversity. Everybody just seemed like my mom, my, you know, my father-in-law, these folks that were really instrumental. Um, So when the fire came, John, you know, I've already been punched. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

And when, when I had an opportunity and I had a great opportunity shortly after that to get on a television show, And I did a television show for 6 years in Chicago. And it was a once-a-week financial show. And my business mentors, my wealth management people that worked at the corporation, you know what? They gave a young guy, pretty young guy, the chance to carry the water. And they gave me the keys to Oak Brook, Illinois, to a very nice branch. We turned that— we, when I say we, it's the people. The people of that office are the reasons of our success. It wasn't me. And we came out to California. And we were able to turn it into the number one complex in the country. And none of that would have happened. None of it would have happened from the receptionist all the way up to the administration manager. They, they believed in themselves and they believed in me. They believed in the people around them. And we would not have had that success if we weren't a team. And so, yeah, I think everybody has adversity. That's one thing. It's what you do when it comes up, you know.

Exactly. It's what you do. Yeah. And, you know, one of the words, Mark, that comes to my mind as you tell your story is the word cultivation, cultivators. You had People cultivating you and bringing out the best in you. I think of it almost like you're cultivating a garden. You're nurturing, you're bringing out the best, your uncles, your father, your father-in-law. So, a question I'd ask our listeners is, number one, who's cultivating you? And do they really have your best interests in mind? Do they see the potential in you that you might not even see yourself? Because a lot of people don't have those cultivators, and so they're not exactly getting the greatest advice in life. So, I always say, if you want to be brilliant, surround yourself with brilliant people, which is why I'm such a fan of Fuel. You got some really bright people there. But the second question is, who are you cultivating? And that's probably an even more important question. So, all of us, you cultivate your children, hopefully in the most positive way. You cultivate your employees, Mark. You know, you talked about how important it was to work as a team and it was a team effort and the people did it. Well, they did it with your cultivation as well. I just have to say that you're very humble and everything, but you cultivated a very high-performing team and that's essential. So, I think one of the most important takeaways today is just that. Who's cultivating you and who are you cultivating? How are you— How are you making the place, the world a better place? And adversity helps us grow wiser, right? And prepare for that.

It does.

And I think the other critical takeaway is to dig a hole to our audience. You got problems, you got stresses, you got worries, dig a hole, bury it and move on. There's nothing you can do about it except bury it and move forward. That's a huge theme. And you've obviously done that very well, Mark. So, I want to thank you again for being such a great guest and congratulate you on an incredible career and give my best to Jill and the grown children now. Like I say, Mark and I go back a long way. But even the fact that you said, you know, you graduated from Notre Dame, but you started at Holy Cross. And I know that was a bump in the road for you too.

That was a bump in the road too.

You know, yeah, but you, you know what, we pivot and we adjust. You get hit, you, you get up, you dust yourself off, dig a hole and move, move forward.

I don't know how much time we have now, but you just brought up something else.

Okay.

And, you know, my kids, um, uh, I'm surprised. You know, I've done so many changes in my life. I've just, I've changed careers. I've changed towns. We've done a lot of that. Then I was like, as I was thinking about your show here, I was thinking about my daughter. I mean, she had her CPA with Pricewaterhouse and she becomes an OB-GYN. I have a son that was in Chicago that had a One of the greatest corporate jobs and decides he's coming out here, picking up and coming back out to LA. And he's in restaurants. I have a son that had a banking corporate brokerage job, very comfortable, going to, you know, and now he's a Bitcoin Treasury advisor. Okay. And lastly, I have another son that had a great business and still has a great business. And he said to me, it can be greater and it can be better for my clients. So, he uproots that. And so, I started thinking, you know, I don't know if it's osmosis that they're making those changes, but yeah, the only thing constant is change. So—

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah. Well, you're a change master and I got to get you on my Change Mastery Show. That's another podcast I offer. Yeah. And we are basically out of time now, Mark. But again, I got to say thank you to you so much, not just for our friendship, but for joining us on the show and being so open and humble and wise, giving people something to really think about and use to move forward in life with less fear, if you will, fear less. I've got a show coming up on Monday called Mindset Matters Through Fuel. So, those of you who are interested in a little bit more on that, I know Mark could comment on this as well because it's basically when the what and the why are very clear to you, the how will show up. And a lot of people never get on the road until they think they have to figure out how they're going to do whatever they're going to do. And I started my practice 38 years ago. The what was very important to me, what I wanted to do. The why was very important to me to help as many people in the world as possible. And the how continues to change essentially every day. How am I going to do that? But that takes fearlessness and confidence. And, Marc, you've dusted yourself off so many times because you knew what you wanted for the most part. Sometimes that changes. You knew why it was important to you and to the world. It's not just about the selfish ego thing, but how can I help? And then the how, just the opportunities, the people, it shows up. And so, anybody who's hesitating to make a change, to do something that they really want to do or dream about, let go of the how and it'll come. Just get on the road and pivot as you go. So, Mindset Matters on Monday. Next week on Fearless, I've got Gary Garfield coming on board. And Gary was the President, CEO, and chairman of Bridgestone Americas, multibillionaire, billion-dollar company. And Gary was their chief legal counsel. And just before he was picked to be the next CEO, he found out he had to have open-heart surgery. And he also laughs that he'd never taken a business course before in his life. So, unlike Mark, who's got all kinds of business experience, Gary's a lawyer, never had any business classes in his life, and now he's been picked to lead The largest tire company in the world, Bridgestone. So, he'll have some interesting tips for everybody, too. So, that's next Friday. With that, Mark, any closing comment?

I love what you're doing. Keep helping people.

Thank you. And thanks again. We'll talk soon. Goodbye, everybody. See you next week or see you on Monday, hopefully.