EP:172: The "Not Enough" Syndrome Killing Your Success (How to Break Free)

So today's video, we're going to be talking about the belief of not having enough, not being enough, not being good enough, not having enough time. It's the syndrome of not enough. And it manifests in life in so many different ways. And I'm going to unpack today how to transcend this syndrome. How to know that you are worthy of receiving, how to know that you are always in the frequency of enough. And how to have the courage to continue to make decisions to go to the next stage in your growth, be it in your business or your relationships, because you've rewired this old conditioning that says or that keeps you in a state of fear and prevents you from stepping into the expansion. Now, the syndrome of not enoughness stems from childhood, more specifically, your relationship with your father. If you observed your father growing up, work really hard to provide for your family, if he had to sacrifice a lot, if money didn't come easy to him, or maybe you watched him work really long hours and wasn't present for you, and you observed, or you picked up on this specific belief that you know you have to do something out there, or it's hard work for you to achieve the result that you want to have. Now, this specific conditioning is then re rewired or conditioned with the emotional frequency or the signature of fear or anxiety or shame. And you develop the mechanism or you learn through osmosis, through being around your dad, that to remedy this feeling, you need to go out and do more. You need to go out and get more and have more. But in a sense, the conditioning is built around escapism. It's built around trying to resolve an underlying lack through some sort of external result. And now what ends up happening, this shows up in business, and I'll use the business context for now because I coach a lot of entrepreneurs and for myself in my own journey is to go to the next stage in business, we default back to the old wiring. Or I've defaulted back to the old wiring in the past, which says, I just need to work more, I need to do more. But if that's coming from the place of fear, doubt, lack and not enoughness, the remedy or solution of doing more is actually pulling me back into the old frequency and perpetuating the not enoughness that I'm attracting into my life. So even though I could will my way, like our dads did, grit their way through life and still get a result and still provide for the family, which was amazing, God bless our fathers. But at what cost did it come? Because I Never really saw my dad that happy growing up. He was never really fulfilled. He never really had a lot of joy. He didn't love what he did. He did what he had to do to provide for the family, which is beautiful. But that conditioning, I noticed a creep back into my business where I would work these long hours and just grit my way through business. Even though I loved my. Even though I created my dream business, it became a trap. It has become a trap in the past. If I allow this old belief to come back in that I need to do more, to receive more, we're going to transcend this, guys, I'm telling you, because this is a collective thing that's happening right now. Whether you work in a job or you run a business, it doesn't matter. We're collectively going to need to transcend this old way of operating, this old operating mechanism, because it's cutting you off from having the thing that you actually want. And the thing that you want is the love. It's the abundance, it's the freedom, it's the joy, it's the lightness, it's the playfulness. Now that doesn't, you know. And the thing that you want is probably the more money and the more external result. But if you go dig a little bit deeper, you don't just want the money, you want what the money can unlock in you, but the thing that you're thinking it can unlock is not in some future destination, it's right here, right now. And the only way we can tap into that is, is through rewiring the old belief that says you need to do something to get it. So a lot of this is wired into the nervous system as well. So we're going to start to understand how to rewire the nervous system, because you can't. You can consciously think this stuff, but until you rewire the subconscious, the concept of you being enough is not going to make sense. And then you'll default back into what is the familiar, which is to grit and will your way through it. Okay? So I want you to think about where in your life right now you are allowing this willful consciousness, which is to sacrifice your connection with yourself, to sacrifice your level of alignment. And you can look at your life and go, what feels out of alignment right now? And just rank the things that you're doing in a regular day on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being like 10 out of 10 alignment, anything below a 5 being like, I kind of hate this, I don't know why the fuck I'm doing It rank that and audit your day and you start to get a really clear picture as to the level of willful consciousness that's showing up in your life because you're living from an old story that says you have to do this to achieve it should be hard. Life is hard. Making money is hard. And therefore because of that belief, you compromise your alignment. You do stuff that's not fully 10 out of 10. And what's going to need to happen here is I want you to look at these areas or order your life and consciously decide that you're going to prioritize. You're going to prioritize connection. You're going to prioritize a state of being over a state of doing. Because to get the thing that you want, we're going to need to change who you're being. You don't get what you want, you get who you are. So we need to shift who you're being. Now how do you shift to your being? You have to do what you wouldn't normally do. And in this case, to change your being, we need to prioritize the things that feel more in alignment. Now the specificity of this, the granular, granularity of this is look at the areas in your business that or your career. If you don't like doing this thing, then you need to go out and consciously hire someone else to do it so that you're freeing up space in your life for something that's in of higher alignment. And how I did this in my life or how it's happening right now in my business as I progress to the next level. Remember, the next level is a shift in who you're being, not in what you're doing. It's usually doing it way less okay as, as you go up, as business owners go up, you just see that the more wealthier business owner is. It's because he's freed up so much space in his business to be the creative visionary where he can sit back and observe the moves that need to be made. That's his highest alignment. Because he shouldn't be in the execution and then doing. He needs to be in a certain frequency so he can see the vision of what needs to be created next. Now for me, with my content, that's why I don't like coaching too many people at one time because then I'm too in the doing. Whereas the biggest amount of growth happens for me in my life when I'm in the being or the frequency where I can be creative. That's my 10 out of 10 alignment. So there's like this diminishing returns for me when I'm coaching, because when I coach too much, when I'm doing too much and trying to make too much money through that activity, I shift into the old frequency or belief that my worth is determined by the money in my bank account or what I do. Whereas I'm trusting by honoring that. If making content is in my highest alignment, that brings me a lot of joy. If I make space and time for that and I protect that over a period of time, money will be a byproduct of that, because money is a byproduct of value. And now if we start to change this new belief of yours to your value is measured by your level of connection with yourself and how effectively or courageously you can honor that level of connection throughout your day through outsourcing anything that's not out of 10, then all of a sudden you become really valuable. And that's why it's simple. That's the obvious result of why some businesses exceed and some don't by some make lots of money and some don't. It's because every single person in that business is operating from a role of highest alignment. And now the business is an energetic cord that's connected. The business has its own energy, which is measured by is that person in the right seat? Are they doing the thing that lights their soul on fire? If you have 20 people that are doing the thing that lights their soul on fire that complements the collective whole and the vision of the business, that business can make a lot of money. So when you do this for yourself, you get to then see it or support the people around you in looking at where is the fear leaking into their life. And if you run a team, you manage a team, it's crucial that you're taking pulse of this. Where are they compromising themselves? They're compromising alignment because they think they need to do something out of this old conditioning that says I'm not enough until I do X. Right. Because it's a perpetual cycle that would keep playing itself out. Okay, so once you've got an audit of your daily alignment based on all the tasks that you do in your life, then the courageous thing becomes being willing to create the space. Because if, then if you pay other staff, you pay other people to come in and start doing the things for you that are not your highest alignment, you've just freed up all this time and space in your life, then what tends to come up is the thing that you'd Been avoiding and running through being perpetually busy. And you can probably have a guess what that thing is, the thing you've been avoiding probably since you were 15 years old, that you were wanting your dad's love. And when you didn't perform or you failed at school, or you didn't perform on the field or the sporting field, he gave you conditional love. The thing you've been avoiding or running from is that shame, is that grief of not getting your dad's love. So when you stop working, what comes up? All this guilt. I should be doing more. I'm not doing enough. What's happening? I'm freaking out. I'm overwhelmed. I'm not doing anything. I'm not valuable. I'm not worthy. You want that to happen. When that happens, when that happens and you've carved out this space, you stop, you look at it, you confront it. You look at it with your eyes and go, I see you. I see you, little child. And I'm going to hold you, I'm going to watch you. I'm going to be present with you. And I'm going to remind you that your value isn't determined based on what you do on an external level. Because the more you can develop this relationship with yourself where when you feel fear, when you feel anxiety, we feel overwhelmed. And you can hold yourself and allow this fear energy to move through your nervous system, and you can regulate and relax into that, the more you're going to start to know that your worth, your love is unconditional. There is no condition on it. And when you know that, you become immensely valuable and you become immensely courageous because you are not. You're not dependent on someone or something else improving that. You're not dependent on your bank account to make you feel love and abundance. You're not dependent on your wife or your husband to make you feel love and abundance. You're not dependent on clients. You get to develop an internal sense of security with an inner knowing that you've got you. No matter what happens and how you choose to operate in your life when you've got that internal connection is you never compromise it. Why would you compromise this inner knowing that you are the source of all the love and all the abundance and all the joy and all the gratitude, you are the source of it and you've tapped into that source. Why would you compromise it for something that's not in your highest alignment? Why would you intentionally lower your frequency? It just. You just wouldn't do it anymore. You wouldn't stand for it. You wouldn't tolerate it. The only reason people tolerate shit in their life that isn't in the highest alignment is because they don't even know how powerful they are. They don't even know the level of love that's available to them when they let go of all this fear. Through the decades and decades of escaping and coping through overworking and overdoing. So either way, you're going to have to confront something hard. You're going to have to confront the long term hard of working, being in the state of perpetual busyness to avoid the not enoughness. Thinking that you need to do more out there to feel love. That is hard over a period of time because your body is going to start to deteriorate. I don't know about you. My dad started to age real early because he worked so hard as came at a cost at his body. Same as if your dad worked in finance or banking and just fucking behind a computer all day. You notice like their body starts to wither away. Look at that in yourself. If you are working and overworking from a place of fear, the life force energy in your body will decrease. You'll age quicker, you'll have less emotional availability for the people you love. Your relationships get compromised. You're not emotionally connected to people. That's hard. But the alternative is you confront the short term heart which is start to step back from all of the things that are not in alignment anymore. Create the space to allow all of this fear that's resting in your body to come to the surface and not engage in this old mechanism of overworking or working your way through an emotional problem or emotional challenge. Step into a new level of being which will be very uncomfortable. It will be very scary, it'll be unknown, it'll be unfamiliar. If you've got the right support around you in the form of a coach or a men's group, highly recommend it. Link in the description if you want to learn more about that and how I can support you with that. But when you've got the right support around you, it becomes easier to navigate through that so you can pop out the other side with this new sense of lightness and ease. Enjoy in what you're doing because you've wired in a new belief that I always have enough. I'm always enough. The connection to myself is the clearest measurement of my level of value. And if someone comes in and tries to pull you out of that, or the old story comes back in and tries to pull you back into working more and doing more, you remind yourself that the thing that you want, the next level that you want isn't, does not come from more doing. It comes from a new level of being which is usually always doing less. So this belief rewiring happens through an emotional clearing, you could say, of the grief and the shame and the anxiety that's back there that must be cleared so that you can start to reaffirm through repetition, a new connection or a new energy that says, I'm in abundance always, I'm unconditionally loved always. And then you walk around, you do all the time. I walk around right now, I look at the trees and nature and I go look at all the abundance that's already here. Why? Why would I ever have to do something? Why would I ever fall under the belief that I have to do something to be worthy to access all of the abundance that's already here? Do you think that the tree is sitting here going, I need to, I need to work harder to get access to the sun so I can grow more? No, it's just sitting here receiving always and then giving so much always. We are a part of that. So it helps to look for it everywhere. It helps to reaffirm your new belief by playing with it. How is there already abundance already around me? Where's the abundance? Look for examples of it, look for reference points of it. Rather than letting your mind go back to the old story of looking for what's lacking, looking for what's missing, program yourself to look for what's already here. And that usually happens when you step back and do less. Remove the distractions and you contemplate, you meditate, you walk, you just tune into the frequency that's already here. And naturally the energy will start to go up. Naturally, your heart will start to open. Naturally, you start to beam out a new electromagnetic field that starts to attract the right people and opportunities and finances into your life. Where you go, wow, that was effortless. That was easy. Yes, it can be easy. Play with that. It can be easy to make hundreds and millions of dollars. It can be easy, can be easy to be in a relationship with your dream partner and travel the world. Why would you ever tell yourself it's hard? Why would you reinforce the belief and reinforce the reality that it's hard to have the things that you want. You get to decide the story, my friend. And whether you like it or not, you're going to have to confront this. Because life's too short to live in a reality that's full of self induced suffering through an unconscious belief that's running in the background you haven't chosen to look at yet, so you know how to look at it. Now, if you need the support, find the support and you got this. I'll see you on the other side.