SSS 181: I used these 3 principles from Joe Dispenza to attract & keep my dream woman

I've been in a relationship with my partner Amanda, for 10 years, and it's throughout this time that there's been some really core principles that I've taken from Dr. Joe Dispenser's work that's not only allowed me to attract my dream woman into my life, but it's also allowed me to keep her and allowed the relationship to go even deeper and deeper. As time has gone on, we've continuously allowed ourselves to stay in the honeymoon phase. And I'm going to share with you in this video some of the core Joe Dispenser principles I've been using throughout that time to help me do that so that you can start to apply it in your life now. When I first met Amanda when I was 21 years old, I was going through a transition period in my life where I was starting to step out of what I was doing for my job. I was in the corporate accounting world, and I was stepping into this version of me that was traveling and exploring the world. And one of the core principles that Joe lives by or preaches in his teachings is live from the vision, not the memory. Right. So very often we're going into unconscious memories. We're allowing emotions from the past to dictate our future. And when I first met my partner, Amanda, I was traveling. I was on exchange. I was stepping into this vision I had for my life of traveling the world, doing the things that I loved and prioritizing passions over anything else. And during that time, I crossed paths with her, and she had just finished her exchange program as well. She had just done an exchange journey to Scotland. So we both kind of aligned on this shared vision that we were living our highest lives. We're living the best version of ourselves. And I see this so often with people who are trying to date and find other people or find their matches that looking on dating apps, or they're trying to, like, find their dream partner, but they're not living their dream life. They're not embodying the frequency of their future right here, right now. They're probably projecting out or operating from past conditioning that's causing them to attract other people who are at that level as well. And the relationship doesn't have the same spark and flame and connection, because you haven't discovered that within yourself first. So one of the things that I take from Dr. Joe is when I'm showing up from the vision of the life that I want to have, and I'm embodying that frequency now, it allows my relationship to take on A whole new flavor every single time. There's a new freshness, there's a new flavor that starts to come through because I'm always stepping into a new energy. There's versions of me that are always dying and shifting and changing. And if I can stay connected to what it is that I'm stepping into, rather than clinging to the old self and the old me that has all of this past stories and beliefs and energies that no longer serve who I want to be. By doing that, I allow my relationship with Amanda to step into a new energy as well. So there's this constant reinvention process that I've been taking on board over the last 10 years where that's allowed the relationship to continue to reinvent itself. So to do that, there's a constant examination of, like, who do I no longer want to be and what am I stepping into? And in some of Dr. Joe's morning meditations that I have done for the last, like, 10 years, in those morning meditations, he invites you to think about who you no longer want to be in your meditation. The reason he does that is because you get to bring more awareness to these thinking, feeling, and behaving loops or habits that are not serving this next phase of your personal journey and also the collective journey of your relationship. So every day, review that, Reflect on that, who you no longer want to be. Right? Because that's the thing you get to focus on and take responsibility for. And then if you're looking to attract your dream partner or you're looking to deepen the connection with your dream partner, it's who it is that you're stepping into that's going to allow that. So then reflect on that every single day. Who am I stepping into? What's the new way of thinking, new way of feeling, a new way of acting? That's going to support my highest expression, that's going to support my highest purpose, and that's then going to fuel into the highest purpose of the relationship or whatever that may be for you, releasing the old story of the relationship or what it means, like what my relationships were. You know, we carry around, like I carry around old stories from my first relationship with my mom and dad, right? We're all in and engaged in a first relationship with our primary caregivers of Mum and Dad. And we adapt these attachment patterns or stories that we tell ourselves about what it means to give and receive love, right? So these attachment patterns are born out of that period of time. And overcoming the environment is something that Dr. Joe talks about, right? In his principles and something that I started to reflect on because there was a period in my life where Amanda and I. She lived with my family, and I lived with her family. And when she was living with my family, it was really tough because I noticed all of these old patterns creeping back in because my environment was unconsciously triggering these parts of me that were getting quite reactive, and it was kind of like causing dysfunction in our relationship. And I remember getting really clear on some of my meditations that, like, no, I was wanting my environment's changes. During COVID in 2020, where we'll start, I was stuck in Western Australia. We couldn't travel, and I was stuck living with my. My parents in a time where I was really wanting to explore and go out and do other things. And she was living with me. And I remember my mind wanting to see the environment change, Going like, oh, everything's gonna be so much better when I'm just traveling with Amanda, or, everything is so much better when we have our own place. But that was my mind looking for the external to change before I could change. And by doing that, I was actually blocking the thing. I was blocking the next level from coming in. I had to overcome the environment. Right, and overcoming the environment might seem like a really hard thing for you right now, Especially if you're in an environment with your partner that's not optimal, and you're struggling because you're repeating the same cycles, because the environment's unconsciously triggering these parts of you that maybe you don't like. Right. Firstly, it's honoring that. That the environment is very, very powerful in the triggers that it can do. But if you're going to transcend to the next stage, you have to take on this principle that Dr. Joe says, to transcend that, to overcome that. Because to overcome your environment gives you all your power back. That means nothing out there has power over you. And when you can do that, you can be anywhere with your partner. And that was, for me, what I realized was one of the huge lessons I had to overcome during this time. Because after Covid ended, me and Amanda, we've been traveling the world for three and a half years now. We've been in so many different environments, so many different energetic influences through living with other people and traveling to new cities and new countries, Had I not mastered the ability to tap into the frequency that I wanted to operate from, to be more responsive and to set up reactive, and to do that in probably the most challenging of all environments, which is your parents, because your parents just for some Reason trigger us more than ever because there's so much ingrained conditioning there. That was the ultimate training ground for me to practice overcoming that so that when we do step into this next version of our life, we'd already mastered that ability, or I'd already mastered that ability. And it was such a key factor in allowing us to be fluid and flexible and deepening our relationship while traveling the world and running a business together. Next big shift here or principle was becoming the person who was emotionally safe. And emotional safety for a man is one of the prerequisites to be able to deepen or continue to expand in your relationship. Now, in Dr. Cho's world is emotional safety is really where you're overcoming your body. You're overcoming the old conditioning of your body. We spoke about overcoming the environment, but same thing, we get to overcome the body. So if there's certain like things or physical challenges that you're having or old, like emotional patterns that are playing out in your life, it's important to have the ability to be able to transcend that, right? Not letting the body be something that keeps you tethered to an old past reality. How do you overcome the body? Well, you have to disinvest your attention from the body. Okay, so there's this interesting thought or concept, right? When you go into the world of tapping into the quantum field or tapping into source energy or whatever, when for a period of time, you close your eyes, you're putting your attention on the body, right? Because putting the attention on the body starts to amplify the energy of what's in the body. Now, if there is aspects of yourself that are in the dark, anger, shame, irritability, anxiety, the darker aspects of yourself, and I speak from the male perspective, the dark masculine holds energetic traits that when unintegrated, creates a lack of emotional safety for females. In, in and we you. I'm sure you've all felt that when you're around a man who hasn't done this work, who hasn't integrated these shadowy aspects, hasn't got in contact with his anger, and he's suppressing it, the nervous system picks up on it, the nervous system feels unsafe around it. So when going into this to transcend that through some of the meditation practices, when you sit in meditation and close your eyes and put your attention on the body, you're going to amplify what's back then. Now, if there's discomfort, if there's things in the dark, the initial phases of meditation are going to be really uncomfortable because now you're choosing to look at it. You're not choosing to distract. You're not choosing to look at the phone, you're not choosing to watch sport on tv. You're actually choosing to look at what's in the dark. So it's expected that it's going to be really uncomfortable for a short period of time. But what I've noticed, the more I do that and have a practice where I'm closing my eyes, taking my attention off out there and putting on what's on in here so I can allow what's in the dark to come into the light. And it gets dissolved and transcended through my conscious awareness. What ends up happening is the body gets transcended and then a new energy starts to get absorbed. So when you start to put your attention on the space around your body now, all of a sudden you're pulling energy in from everything that's around us, right? And the principle of quantum dynamics or quantum mechanics, there's like energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It's just, it's everywhere. There's infinite energy, energy available at all times. So when you take your attention off these parts of your body that are consuming or sucking energy, which are these survival emotions of anger, sadness, grief, shame that are stuck in these first three energy centers, which are sucking so much energy and life force from you when you don't look at them, which is creating the lack of emotional safety in a relationship, that then turns into more arguments and more reactivity playing out these unconscious patterns that just create just distance in the relationship. When you take responsibility for feeling and processing through that, well, the life force that's trying to circulate conscious like again, Joe Dispenser's work is there's a Taurus field around the body. Life force is trying to move up the spine and circulate back down in this harmonious rhythm where energy is able to flow and circulate. When you've done the work to open up those channels. Now you're an energy creator. Now you're a creator, not a victim of your reality. Now you're pulling and absorbing energy. Your frequency is going up. And very often you don't necessarily need to change what you're doing in the relationship. It's just how you're doing it. You don't need to change what you're saying, it's how you're saying it. So when you access this new energy, all of a sudden your partner, your friends, your family start treating you different because you're projecting out a new energy Your heart is now open energy. For men, it absorbs through the heart. As men, we have a receptive pole up here. So when our hearts open, a man's heart's open, he pulls in so much energy, then he has so much more to give in an intimate relationship. That's what I found from the energetic exchange. When I'm able to give more from my lower centers and I'm pulling more energy, my heart, you're then able to support your woman in opening so much more deeper into herself. Right. So the female is. The man can be like the lightning rod to awaken her sexual energy even more when he's got that energetic availability or he's absorbing energy in this way. So this is where it's like transcending the old emotions that are stuck in the body lower three centers, you develop the emotional safety to be able to awaken her in far, far deeper ways. And that for me, throughout the 10 year relationship with Amanda has been the thing that's allowed us to, to go to deeper and deeper levels. Because I'm amazed at how much energy gets to circulate between us and how much fun we get to have from doing that. So we'll expand on the last principle which was transcending the body and we'll talk about the heart coherence principle where we're starting to connect with the heart. We're starting to create an electromagnetic signature in the body where, you know, over time, the more you can start to create safety in the body and the more you can start to create coherence in the heart, the people around you and specifically your loved one starts to pick up on this coherence. And if you notice that when you're the tuning forks, when you ding a tuning fork and you put another tuning fork next to it, they start to harmonize in energy. It's like in, in people, we're the same thing where the body is like a tuning fork. So when you start to develop this sense of coherence, electromagnetism in the body and you're around your loved one, they're going to start to pick up on that energy. They're going to start to absorb that energy as well. And that's where you guys start to harmonize. I found that in my relationship with Amanda where like early on when we first started dating, we were both in like really different stages of our journey where she was into like, she was into totally different things, even though we still vibed on a certain level. Those periods where I started to question the relationship and Question whether we're on the same track. And I had this unconscious expectation that she should be into the same things as me. And I was creating incoherence between us. And it wasn't until I let go of needing her to be a certain way, and I kind of just trusted that, okay, she can be on her own journey. And if I just go deeper into connecting with, like, what would it mean for me to fully accept who she is by fully accepting who I am and owning that, like, I don't need her to see or acknowledge the path that I'm on. I can just continue on my path. It started to create more of space. And this. In this energetic space that we refer to as it, you're always interacting in an energetic field in the relationship. And that interaction, whether it's with your loved ones or a random person, there's this unique, energetic exchange that's allowing what the other person is feeling or interacting with your energy. And if I, by me holding this unconscious expectation that she should. She should be a certain way, and by me being upset about her not being into the same things as me, I was actually not creating the energetic field for her to be able to step into who she needed to be on her path. And her path was different to mine. It was unique to mine. And more. I created space by accepting who she was. All of a sudden, she was able to feel safer around me in stepping into the version of her that was most supportive for her in our journey and ultimately most supportive for our relationship. So this heart coherence principle that Dr. Joe talks about is that you can almost tune into when you're feeling like you're incoherent to when you're not. You can feel the more you're in meditation, the more you're connecting with the heart, you'll feel there's like a rhythm, there's like an order, there's a pattern. The start, the heart starts to beat in when you're in that place. When you're. When you're in that place of gratitude and receptivity where you don't need anything else out there and you're fully whole and complete for who you are. And you practice that daily. The people around you start to feel it. The people around you start to get access to aspects of themselves that they couldn't see before because maybe the space wasn't there for them to do that. They weren't able to tune to your energy. So this is a beautiful thing when you take responsibility for it is you can help tune your partner to this elevated frequency of gratitude, wholeness, and love. And when they're accessing that place, their highest path will start to come through. And that path will be different to yours, but it will be complimentary to yours and can actually, you can support each other through doing that. This part is important. I feel like this is one of the best principles of what Joe Dispenser puts. Puts out, which is breaking the habit of being yourself. And I spoke about it briefly in the first section here, which is learning to transcend your environment. But ultimately your environment and the people around you and your body and the identity that you've created for yourself is the thing that must be transcended for your relationship to continue to grow. And breaking the habit of being yourself is something that you can read in the book, like he has a whole book titled that, right? But to actually put it into practice is a whole nother thing. To actually put it into practicality in your relationship, in your business or your career requires a certain level of intentionality with how you're showing up in your life. And something that I always get the guys that I work with to do when I start working with them is an old self and a new self sheet, which is identifying who is the old self that you no longer want to be. The thinking, feeling, behaving loops that are playing out in your life and starting to see the awareness of how that shows up. Because breaking the habit of being yourself means like, identifying the subconscious beliefs that are stuck inside of the body that are connected to the emotional patterns from the past. And the more you can start to become aware or see these patterns, the more you can interrupt them. The moment you see them, you can interrupt them. And for me, for so long, there was like so many of these subconscious beliefs that I was holding that was almost like blocking my growth in certain areas of my business that was also blocking my growth in my relationships. There was a interconnected. They were all interconnected on some level. So through coaching or through having someone to shine the light on these old patterns, you can almost have these, like, paradigm shifting moments in life. And yeah, you can do that through meditation. You can do that through, like, going deep into meditative practices, like what Joe recommends in some of his teachings. But what I found is, like, that wasn't necessarily practical all the time. It wasn't always practical to meditate for one to two hours every single day. What was practical for me, though, was to have a coach or have someone that could give me feedback, to be like, hey, man, like, like, how do you think I'm showing up right now, like, what are you seeing in me? Like, in terms of, like, how I'm relating or how I'm leading in business. And the more you can get that direct feedback from. Could be a coach, could be a therapist, could be a friend, it could be a mentor. The more you're getting that feedback, the more you can see. Remember, we can't intervene in a world that we can't see. We can't intervene and override the old self. We can't actually see the patterns playing out. It's on an unconscious level, a subconscious level. So the more you can see the subconscious programming at play, the more you can go in there and start to consciously decide who is it that you want to be, who is it that you're stepping into. And there was a scenario probably about two years ago now, where my relationship, when the matter was on the rocks, was struggling. There was, like, there was distance between us. We're spending. We're apart for three months and kind of, like assessing whether we're going to stay together. And I realized there was this pattern that was playing out in my life where I got complacent in the relationship I'd allowed my old self to come back in through. You know, and this is so common in relationships where you've been together for a period of time, you pass the honeymoon phase, and you allow all the old reactive patterns that maybe are still lingering from childhood or lingering from past relationships to creep back in. Right. The man's not leading. The man's not creating structure. The man's not initiating enough in the relationship. And the man and the woman come, you know, almost like, diluted in their polarity. And that was happening to me in this scenario with Amanda where I'd be. Gotten passive. My business was pulling so much of my attention. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't showing up for her in the way that was needed. I wasn't meeting her emotional needs. I was creating structure in her life. And it's such a core masculine trait that's necessary to support the polarity. But when I fell back into these unconscious habits, I wasn't aware that it was happening. We had time apart. We had three months apart. And I remember deciding, and I remember reading a book called the Masculine in Relationships by a guy called G.S. youngblood that helped me see a lot of the ways that I needed to show up in the relationship that I wasn't doing. And I started to get a blueprint for this new self. So when you can See what it is that you want to step into. And another way to help do this is like think about how would your relationship be one year from today? Like what the ideal version of the relationship you want to have or deepen with the person you already have. What does it look like one year from today? How are you showing up for them? What does it feel like? What do you, what kind of things are you prioritizing together? What, how do you normally communicate in that scenario and that in that vision? And you can help with that with what kind of things we have. We'd be traveling somewhere where you have like a beautiful home where you'd be driving a nice car. Stepping into the vision of who you're going to be can help you reverse engineer the process to identify right now what is that you need to step into. Because you must step into it right now. You can't wait for the external to change. You have to identify who you're going to be and today start to embody that energy. And the better on the clearer you are on that roadmap of what it is you're stepping into, the easier it gets to be for you to not only break the old self, but step into the new self. Right? And almost remember who you need to be. And our daily practice, a daily ritual is remember, who are you stepping into? Remember your future now. So books that can help you do that is again, if you're in a guy in a relationship, the masculine relationship is a great book to check out. But start to design the blueprint of like right now. What do you need to prioritize? What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of in your life? And that alone, not just through meditation and coach, that is in the day to day practices of making decisions that align with your future. Comes back down to that. Are you going to step into the old self? Are going to step into the new self? Are you going to react the way you used to react? Are you going to respond in a way that's congruent with this healthy masculine energy or this healthy feminine energy that you're stepping into? So the final point here that I mentioned, that is a really great thing that Dr. Joe shares. And I've been to three of his retreats and I've practiced his meditations for the last eight to nine years. And I feel like it's really helped me step into this energy of feeling homeless before without needing my relationship to give that to me. It's something that I see so many people do in their relationship is unconsciously think or expect that their partner's there to make them happy. But that's not the purpose of the relationship. The purpose of the relationship is to help you become more aware of the ways in which you're not loving yourself or come more aware of the areas where you're not loving yourself unconditionally. So when you start to see your relationship from this new lens of what it's here to do to make you more aware, not to give you love, that might be a nice byproduct of you loving yourself, but that's not the purpose of a relationship. Purpose of the relationship is to help you become more aware. So when you can see or acknowledge that, you get to be the one that connects with a sense of wholeness and love for yourself first. Before you go out, start loving someone else. Because if you've attracted someone into your life right now and you weren't coming from a place of wholeness, or you haven't mastered the ability of having unconditional love for yourself for no fucking reason at all, just for the fact that you exist, then you've probably attracted someone else into your life who's also looking for someone else out there to make them feel whole. And that's where relational dysfunction will play out. Like in my relationship with Amanda, it's actually quite easy. Our relationship is very easy because we met at a time when I'd already connected to myself and found unconditional wholeness for myself. I was not expecting her to bring that to me. I was not expecting her to, like, make me feel fulfilled or feel joy or feel gratitude. Discovered it within myself. So now the relationship is. Is two holes coming together, not two halves coming together. Two holes coming together. They can now complete, play and create and co create new possibilities of a foundation that's solid, not built off attachment wounds that are still playing themselves out. So your challenge here, your challenge, your invitation, is to continuously prioritize. What would it feel like to have unconditional love for yourself? Maybe you feel like you want that other person to love you more, love yourself more whenever you feel like you need respect from them, Give yourself more respect whenever you feel like you want them to change. Where are you not willing to change? Just start to use every complaint, every criticism, every unmet need as a mirror reflection of something you're not giving to yourself or you're not providing for yourself. The moment you give yourself that power and responsibility, you can start to connect with a deeper level of abundance and wholeness within. So that if you're already in a relationship where you didn't start with those foundations. You can start to maybe see where your partner is going to learn through osmosis that you're not going to feed their old attachment patterns anymore. They will start to have their own mini awakenings or they're going to start to drift out of your life because they're not ready to confront or look at some of these aspects where they're not loving themselves. Okay, but if you're single right now and you're looking to then step into attracting this person, that's a beautiful time when you're no longer looking for the person out there, you're no longer needing to chase them. You just feel a love for life because you've developed that ability. And this ability will ultimately come down to a few different things. But it's the ability to have the nervous system capacity to be regulated enough in your nervous system to be able to feel this frequency. Because we're perceiving life through the nervous system. And if you, if your nervous system is burnt out or you're exhausted, or you're, you're too busy just with cortisol in your system, you're not going to feel this. This would just be a concept, right? But when you've regulated your nervous system, you've taken care of the body and you've got enough practices that allow you to slow down and tune in and connect. Then you'll close your eyes and you'll feel all of these emotions. You realize that it's all back there, it's all there already. And when you're able to connect with that on a daily basis, then your relationship gets to thrive off this co creation energy that's available rather than this unconscious expectation, this person should love me, they should see me. Nah, nah, that doesn't work. It doesn't work like that. Hope that some of these principles were helpful for you and you can click the link in the description. I've got a five day email course that really breaks down how to start to put more of this stuff into practice. But hope this video was useful and I hope to see you in the next one.