SSS 181: How to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship (Even After You've Broken It)

Have you lost the trust in your relationship? Maybe your woman or your man is not trusting what you say, they're not trusting what you do. And the emotional connection is starting to disappear because of that. Maybe your relationship's on the rocks because of the lack of trust. Now, this is the common cause of so many relationship dysfunctions and drama and frustration, and it really cuts you off from being your fuller self in your relationship if your partner doesn't trust you. And today's video I'm going to share with you how you can start to rebuild, regain, rekindle the trust, the intimacy, and also the joy in your relationship through some very simple foundations that I see a lot of men get wrong when it comes to these kinds of situations. Now, my name is Jordan Callan, so I'm a men's and relationship coach. I've coached thousands of men through relationship challenges such as this. I really help them building emotional security and safety so they can lead with confidence. And when the trust is broken, it's very hard to get it back. You know, usually a man will break trust through early stages in the relationship where he's too afraid of committing or going all in with a partner. His actions don't match his words, his energy is not incongruent with what he's saying, and his partner can pick up on that. Or maybe there's some sort of infidelity or some sort of lying or broken promises. Usually there'll be a situation where the person will try to make the relationship work, but if the trust is gone, they'll just keep. There'll be these situations that keep occurring where doesn't matter what you do, you never feel like you're doing enough. And it's because if they don't inherently trust you, you don't really inherently have a relationship that's built on healthy foundations. Now, for so many men who seek to rebuild the trust in the relationship, they try to do it by changing what they're doing. They try to do it by doing all the right things for their partner. This is such a common mistake. You can't rebuild trust by changing what you do. You can only do it by changing who you're being. Now to the One of the main reasons why you may attract someone who you don't trust is also another component of this is that you haven't built trust with yourself. One of the main reasons why you will break someone's trust is that you don't trust yourself. So the whole idea or concept of trust in a relationship all comes back down to Your relationship with yourself? Do you trust your ability to say something and do it? Do you trust your ability to commit on a certain level, be it in your business or in your health or in your finances and also your relationship? Because these things are all interconnected. If you don't have that strong foundation with your own sense of inner security, then you're going to be breaking your own self trust all the time. And that will then turn into a level of leaky or unintegral energy that then starts to show up in the relationship that causes this person to not really feel safe around you. It's like the level of safety someone feels in your presence will come back down to how much you trust yourself and then therefore how much they trust you. So to rebuild this, whether you're a man or a woman, you want to rebuild the trust. Maybe you're the person who has broken the trust. It's so important that you examine all the ways where you're not keeping your word with yourself. Where are the areas in your life where you're saying you're going to do things and you're doing them? Maybe you're like, oh, yeah, I know I should be sober, I know I shouldn't smoke weed, I know I shouldn't be drinking alcohol, but then you go and do it on the weekend anyway. Well, there's a little chip away at the level of trust that you have in yourself. And no one sees that. But people feel that. Yeah, people feel that if you're holding on to a little bit of guilt and shame, that like, you're just doing this thing, but you shouldn't be. And that's the energy that, that women pick up on. Okay, if you're a man watching this. So you must get really clear in your life where you're not following through on the things that you say you're going to do. There is this moral integrity where there's certain things you know you just shouldn't be doing, speaking to other women. If you're in a relationship engaging in like, certain activities that you know are not really healthy or not congruent with who you want to be, there's that general moral integrity that you get to uphold as a man. If you're breaking that, people are going to feel that because your energy's off. So one of the reasons why you will struggle to keep promises with yourself and trust yourself is probably because growing up, if you didn't have a healthy masculine role model, if you didn't have a father figure in your life that emulated or displayed this level of integrity, or you had a father that was maybe a nice guy that constantly abandoned himself in certain areas, then you've probably picked up on that dynamic as well. Because you have a wounded masculine. A lot of the self trust aspect is around the masculine, it's around the father. So to rebuild the trust you have with yourself, you have to heal this father wound. You have to look at the areas where maybe you're not setting up the right boundaries in your life. You have to look at the areas where maybe you lack structure, you lack organization, you're just in the pull of your emotional experience. You're in that unhealthy feminine energy where you're just giving into your impulses, right? That's really the biggest sign of a man you can feel safe around is a man that's learned to control his impulses. He's not on his phone looking at other women. If he's in a relationship, he's not going out on a Saturday, doing lines of coke and getting distracted and then kind of doing toxic behaviors. These are the signs of a man you can trust because he's controlled these almost primal impulses, which is to fuck other women and to eat whatever the hell he wants and to behave in these like toxic ways. So that's really where you must examine firstly, what has control of you? What has you. Maybe it's a drug, right? Maybe it's porn, maybe it's social media. But what has control of your attention? Because if you can start to develop a commitment to a larger purpose, which is what's going to help you build this trust back with yourself. A commitment to a larger purpose, which is why are you wanting to stay with this person in this relationship? Why are you wanting to break these toxic habits? Why are you wanting to step into this next version of you? If you have that strong enough reason, that's the energy that will keep you on your path. It will keep you on your mission. For the men who are often unintegral or struggle with these kinds of commitments, it's because they don't have a high enough purpose. Is very often why you'll see guys in corporate jobs who don't really enjoy what they do. Getting wasted on a weekend, getting with hookers, like just spending their money on stupid shit gambling. And I used to work in the accounting world when I first started my corporate path. And I remember every weekend you just get blackout drunk because it was like the way to take the edge off because you hated your job during the day. And that to me Is, like I said, a big sign of someone who I don't really want to be around. Because they haven't confronted these aspects of themselves that would allow them to stay on a path that's true to who they're meant to be, their highest calling or expression in this world, which is going to cause them to literally wean out all of these childish behaviors. So that can be a man or a woman of integrity, and a man or woman that you can trust and want to have a relationship with, not just a romantic relationship with, could be a business relationship with as well. That's not to say that people who drink or do drugs or do these certain behaviors on occasion are bad or it's wrong. It's totally okay to engage in whatever activity. But when those activities are pulling you away from being the person you need to be in your relationships, then that's when it becomes dysfunctional. That's when it's time to look in the mirror and be like, how much longer do I want to keep this up for? How much longer do I want to lie to myself and lie to the people that I care about? So if you really want that trust to come back in a relationship, are you willing to. To commit to whatever you need to commit to? Step into this new level of leadership? That's essentially what it is for the men. It's like stepping into a level of leadership that takes ownership and honors and accepts that maybe there's some areas in your life that aren't up to the standards you want to be at. Get clear on what those standards are, and then enroll the right support around you in the form of accountability or coaching or a men's group so that you can raise the bar. There's no need to create judgment or shame around some of these behaviors that you might be stuck in. The first step is just acknowledging it. This is what's fucking up my relationships right now. I'm addicted to ketamine. I'm addicted to marijuana. What do we want to do about it? Am I ready to transcend this? Do I have a strong enough reason why I want to break this? Usually the strong enough reason will come from the pain of a relationship. I see that a lot with the guys that I work with. Your relationships on the rocks, and your partner is about to leave you, then usually that's the time you're about to fucking pull something. You're really going to step up. You're going to summon the new energy to break some of these patterns. But it doesn't need to get to that point maybe sometimes reflecting on how much it would suck to lose this person that you love, if you don't shift things right now, can be the catalyst to bring you into this new level of integrity and trust within yourself. Right? Another aspect of this self trust component is this inner child that's back there for so many people who struggle to show up for themselves is because there's been years upon years of self abandonment, their inner child really lacking that level of support from their father or their mother growing up. And then what ends up happening is these people will start to prioritize external achievements and external accomplishments as the pathway of seeking to have their fulfillment or love from an external. But they haven't listened to the needs of the inner child, which is usually, hey, I, I want to be seen, I want to be loved, I want to be reassured. And if you keep ignoring this part of you, then this part of you starts to doubt yourself. If this part of you starts to trust you less because in your times of greatest need, you ignore this aspect and you just keep pushing through. You keep wanting to scale the business and not actually being there for any child that's maybe crying out for love and attention. And only you can give that to yourself. There's the inner child aspect around this too. When you have a relationship with yourself where when you tune into what this part of you needs and you can consistently give that to yourself, then all of a sudden you start to get in contact with what your body needs on a moment to moment basis. And of sensitivity is what allows you to have the courage to stop working, have a rest day, prioritize rest, go into a certain season in your life where it might feel a little uncomfortable to do something different from what you normally do, but you trust the fact that it's leading you in the right path. You're trusting an intuitive pool. When you have that level of trust, that's when you're guided by something larger. And that's when you're around women, they can feel that and they want to be led by a man who is surrendered to something greater than himself because he's got in contact with this divine trust in God or source energy, the field. So I'll leave it at that. And if you want support around building this in your life and you know you're ready to step into this path of developing more trust and breaking some toxic habits, the men's group is where it's at. You can check out the link in the description to learn more about the men's group that I run to get that accountability. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see in the next video.