Playing Big: Secrets to Thriving in Relationships and Business as a Coach with Preston Smiles

When you ask for a big life, what also comes with that is big challenges. Preston Smiles.

Preston Smiles. Conscious businessman, an amazing thought leader. You've rustled feathers. Does that impact you? Does it hit you for a second?

It 100% still affects me. The difference now, embodiment and personal freedom coach. He's also an author with Simon and Schuster. A family man, a father, a husband. Preston smiled. Why don't you just open your heart? And she's thinking in her mind, like, open yours and I'll open mine. Make it safe for me and you will get this. How can I make it safe if you have this garden?

Welcome back to the podcast. Jordan Kanlish here. Thank you for being with me, man. I'm so pumped for today's episode. We're out in Austin, Texas. Y' all right now, just enjoying life, traveling post Burning Man. And one of the reasons that we decided to come to Austin was because there's a lot of epic individuals out here, especially in the coaching space. A lot of just awesome people moving out to Austin. I'm starting to see why. The land out here is quite unique in terms of there's enough going on out here to allow you to have fun while also connecting with a great community. And one of the people who I really admire and who has impacted me a lot in my coaching journey is today's guest. Preston Smiles is one of the leaders in the coaching space. He has been impacting millions of people, but more specifically, aspiring coaches. And when I first heard about Preston, it would have been three or four years ago. Good friend of mine, Alex Waters, had worked one on one with him, and I'd seen the impact of Preston's coaching on my friend Alex. I was like, man, who the fuck is this guy? He sounds next level. Ended up joining one of Preston's programs, ended up getting in proximity to him, and I felt how powerful his work was. And when I came out here to Austin, it was one of my intentions to be able to personally thank these individuals and also bring them onto the podcast and share with you or hopefully extract or pull out of them some of the key insights or lessons or things that they've gone through that allowed them to be so successful. So I'm really looking forward to sharing this interview with you because he shared so much immense value. I feel if you're running a business or you're looking to level up your game in life, you're going to get some nuggets of gold from this conversation. So if you haven't already subscribed, I highly Suggest that you do, because I've got lots more conversations with powerful coaches, leaders in this space coming out. So if you want more conversations like this, make sure you subscribe. But for now, enjoy this episode with Preston Smiles, the man, the myth legend, Preston Smiles. Good to be here with you, brother.

Let's get it. I'm living the dream, and life is. Life is awesome. You know, it's. It's been extremely challenging, but. And I've built a somatic body that can hold the challenges. And I also get that when you ask for a big life, what also comes with that is big challenges. And so it's. It's not like, oh, this isn't supposed to be here. Let's go.

Yeah.

Game on.

We're playing big. Yeah, bro.

It's.

It's an honor. It's an honor to be here at your beautiful new place. How long you guys been in this new. This new property for?

We've lived here about three months.

And it's fresh.

Yes. Yeah, it's awesome. This morning, I took. We went out for a bike ride, and the kids. What's beautiful is you can just open the back doors, and they just ran out, and they came in here, opened the garage, and we. They all jumped in the bike. We have a bucket bike. And I rolled out of the garage, turned, and there was, like, 50 deer kind of deal.

Wow.

And then all the kids are screaming, and then the deer start running off, and it's like this beautiful, like, oh, yeah, we live in the country.

Yeah, it's like the American version of kangaroos.

Yes, exactly.

Exactly. And it's special for us because for Amanda and I, my girlfriend, we are, you know, new to Austin, and to now be able to drive out here and see, like, this way of living. And, you know, we're seeing, like, all the Halloween decorations and all the houses with the kids, playground set up. And I'm like, yeah, okay. This would be an awesome place to raise a family for kids.

Heck, yes, man. This is. Austin's one of the best places in the US Right now. We've thought about moving to Byron, and there's certain places we're like, oh, we could probably live there. We're going to Costa Rica, and that's at the end of the year. But every time we go anywhere, we're like, it's very hard to beat a place that is so set up like this. And even this house. This is four acres. It's almost 12,000 square feet when you put it all together. And then even this, just this. What you're sitting in, which is a separate structure. The dude spent $500,000 building this thing. And just this house in LA would be 10 to 15 million. Same thing everywhere in Australia. Samewhere, everywhere. Right. But in Austin you can get it. And we got it for only 2 million. What? Yeah, like it was on sale. Like we got a million off. So there's a three million dollar house, which you got for two million.

Don't tell me, don't tell any. Everyone.

Yeah, keep it quiet. Winning, Winning so hard.

Well, bro, it's special because being here for me, you know, given my coaching journey has only been about four or five years. The people that I've crossed paths with in Australia, now, in America, who have been influenced by you and the indirect and direct impact you have had on me has been tremendous. So it's a really special moment to get to dissect and learn a little bit more about you, your past and what's got you to this moment where you're, you know, sitting in this beautiful house, beautiful family, and your impact runs far and wide. And I wonder, do you, do you have days where you reflect on, damn, I'm not leaving a ripple. I'm leaving a fucking wave of impact on this world. Do you think about that much?

You know, it's so interesting, man. Thank you for saying that, by the way. Yes, More now, right? The older I get, you know, I'm 43 now, I'll be 44 next year. And it's. The older I get, the more I appreciate the part of me that is considered an elder in this space. And what an honor it is to have the longevity of being in an industry when there was no, there was no such thing as an influencer. There was no such thing as Instagram, barely. People were putting stuff on YouTube and Facebook was more about like your friends in college and stuff like that. And that's when I started, right? And so to know that way back then when none of this was a thing and I just cared, it's turned into this whole world of impact and, you know, sharing with somebody the other day that a big part of, you know, what I want my kids to say is my dad loved really hard and he really gave a lot of fucks for the underdog. And he helped people get internally rich and then externally rich. That's the game for me. And I can't lead or tell anybody to do anything unless I'm doing it for myself. And so I'm mostly just proud of me, bro. Like, there's been so many, like, traumatic things that have occurred in my lifetime. And for the work of year after year of just like, dislodging and cutting cords of things that no longer serve me to be in a position where I'm like, oh, there's a season for sowing and there's a season for reaping. And I was sowing for years and years and years. And strategically thinking about seven years in advance when I met Alexi, just like you and your beautiful queen. When I met Alexi, I knew I wanted to have kids with her. I knew that I wanted us to be in a position where. Where she didn't have to work. I knew that I wanted to enjoy and explore the world with her. And so the moment we met, I went into this whole strategic plan of like, okay, you're gonna get yourself here, and when you get yourself here, you're gonna buy this house. And then when you buy this house, then you're gonna get one for your mom, and then you get one for her mom, and you're gonna get about five houses. And then you're gonna pull the trigger and get your own. Your own forever home. And all the while that's happening, you're gonna live below your means below, but above them in consciousness, right below them in actual bills, but above them in the embodiment of abundance. And you're gonna travel, you're gonna have fun, you're gonna serve humanity. And you're gonna do it with boots on the ground. You're gonna stay low to the ground. And there's gonna come a point where you flip that switch, bro, and you're gonna feel all of it externally. I was feeling it internally. I can remember, you know, not too long ago, I was. I had half a million dollars in my bank account and I was driving a beat up Prius and living in a tiny apartment. And anybody would have met me would have been like, oh, that dude's, you know, he's still struggling. Oh, you know, and I had all these friends that sort of came and were like, anytime they got money, they were like, blah.

Right.

Now some of this comes from a wound too, because by 13 years old, I had made a decision that I had to be the man of the house. And so some of the strategic thinking and thinking ahead was like, hey, your dad, as awesome as he is, is not going to be able to help. And soon he's probably going to die from some of the choices he's making, which he ended up doing. So you got to be. You got to think ahead. I was telling somebody the other day, they were like, you know, can you give me an example? And I said, when I was a kid, if all of us were going to jump off of this thing and then do a roll and then jump off of another thing, all the other kids would just jump. I would calculate. I'd be like, all right, if I jump on this and break my arm, then that's going to cost my mom. And if it costs my mom, that's more stress on her, more stress on me, and I'm not being the man in the house. So you guys go ahead and jump. I'm going to jump from a little bit lower, or I'm going to jump in a way in which I know I will not hurt myself. That makes sense.

Yeah.

So this is, like, early. I was already thinking like that, and now I'm. I feel like I'm graduating out of that to a degree and allowing myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. There's something that I know to be true, which is the consciousness of a lot of people in this space. The coaches, the healers, they operate from that place of boots on the ground, not playing too big externally, but playing big internally. But not all of them make it to this point where they're able to receive the level of external abundance that you have accessed. And I'm wondering, what was it that you did or stopped doing that allowed that to happen? And because obviously, there's a level of divine that shows up when you're showing up consistently, and all of a sudden, God rewards you with that opportunity. And I know you got your opportunities through certain areas, but where is the balance between having blind faith of saying, like, hey, God's gonna look after me, and doing the necessary things in life to just keep showing up to.

Well, those are two different questions. And I'll answer the first one, then the second one. The first one is the difference between me and some of the people who haven't been able to reach the level of success that I have. I believe.

Right.

I don't know everybody's story, but what I believe is different, is because I know this. Early in my journey, early in my journey, ayahuasca ceremonies and transcendental meditation and all the other stuff that all felt comfortable, right? I can expand in all the spiritual stuff, but when it came to numbers and money and seeing the face of God in my accounts, seeing the face of God in recognizing that the materials, all of this will either be trash or belong to someone else at some point, Every car, that G Wagon, as nice as it is, it's not different than a Ninja Turtle that I had as a child. That G Wagon is just like the GI Joes or the bikes that I had, or the Game Boy that I played with in the Tetris. It's material that will stay with me. I will steward it, I will play with it. I will enjoy the conglomeration and configuration of a thing that we call G Wagon.

Right?

Because this just gets me from one place to the other. I could drive a Nissan Sentra, I could ride a bike, I could do whatever, right? But I like that one, so why not play with it? I believe that God wants what we want. That's 1, 2. I also believe that all roads lead to the same place and we can make those roads harder and challenging or not. And I made a decision pretty recently actually, because people are always like, did you see this? I didn't see it. I wasn't like a I'm gonna be rich, I wanna be rich kind of guy. That never was me. What I did start to do was make a decision to play as big as humanly possible, to serve humanity and to be in my joy and pleasure in such a way that it was inspiring. And so making that decision began to be like, okay, well, if the universe, my opinion, is one gigantic yes button, all of this is play. D'oh. God is a yes, Then what do I want to be a yes to? I'll be yes to, you know, try on Big House. None of my mom didn't have that. My dad didn't have that. His dad didn't have that, his dad didn't have that. My mom's mom, all of them, everybody was poor. So how about I try on something different? Let's see what that feels like to be in ownership in that way. Let's see what it feels like to change the trajectory of your family. Nobody was an entrepreneur. To this day, I'm in unchartered territory when it comes to my bloodline. So I'm just trying things on because what else are we going to do? All roads lead to the same place. I don't get to take any of this with me. Everybody's going to die. Everybody is marching towards death right now. Every minute, every moment that goes by, we're one step closer to quote, unquote, death. And then at that point, we take the next ride. So if that is inevitable, there's no way out of it. Might as well make it awesome.

I love it. Man, were there moments like in this journey for you? Because me, I'm approaching 30. I'm 30 next year. And as I've been making content for a long time now, I'm starting to notice, like, every year, I'm kind of making content about the same thing. I'm going through the same internal, like, reminder or shift. And I'm like, is there ever a point where it becomes I need to remind myself less? And is there a point on that journey where you, like, you click into a gear where I'm sure you don't have the time to meditate for an hour or two every day because you've got four kids and, you know, a big business to run. Was there a point where you're like, okay, it's kind of like it's in my DNA now, in my cells, 100%.

You know, I think, as Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. I do believe that we can use something called selective discipline to put ourselves in a position where it becomes muscle memory, where it just lives in the DNA and you no longer need to try to do it because it's almost like breathing. And yes, that is exactly what I mean by there's a time for sowing and there's a time for reaping. I was sowing. I was standing in abundance. I was saying, daily spirit, God, Jesus, source, use me today to be a beacon, a vessel, a light for your love. I was practicing that so much that I no longer have to even say it. It's just who I be. I'm like this on camera, I'm like this off camera. There's no need to play a role or to try something on anymore because it's now. I've now created a new normal. And what's beautiful about 30, right? Because none of this clicked for ME until probably 34, 35, at 33, things changed and I started to make money and I started to recognize, oh, the work is on identity. The work is on finding the traumas that still live in your body. The work is on noticing that you still are playing the good boy, trying to get your girlfriend at that time, Alexi, to say, to pat you on the head and say, you're doing a good job, right? You've replaced your mom with Alexi, right? The work is to extract all the ways in which I'm giving my power away, take it back and fall in love with the isness of life, right? The moment. The moment I stopped being in so much resistance to contrast. It's like. It was like A rainbow explosion. Because all contrast, I just kept, oh, can I see God in this? Can I see source in this? Can I see spirit in this? And that not only has an effect on me, but it's a compounding effect because it becomes top of mind awareness for other people, especially if you're putting content out. And over time, you have to work less.

Right.

Like Australians, for example, I find that most Australians have big thighs, right? That's true. You guys.

Calves, yeah.

Thighs and calves. And it's also because you guys, like watching AFL and rugby league and X, Y, and Z, right? And, like, the culture is so macho that these dudes have these giant thighs, right? And after a point, you just don't have to work on them anymore because your thighs are just big.

Right.

You're just like.

Right.

And you wear the small shorts. Well, I don't have that, so I'd have to work on it.

Right.

Like you. You've developed a skill set when it comes to podcasting and things of that nature. That's not my skill set yet.

Right.

And so selective discipline and the compounding effect of that is an absolute. Yes, bro. That. It's been beautiful to sit in that.

Yeah. That's amazing because you can really feel that in you. That it's. It's just in your DNA now. Like, it's just. It's just you're so authentically you, and that's what you teach in your coaching. It's what you translate into. Everyone that comes into your space is just unlocking that freedom of expression. It's part of your work, which.

It's a huge part. And a part of that is going too far and trying things on that, aren't you?

Right.

I think that there's four levels of what it means to be human. We're biological beings. We are linguistic beings. We build worlds with our language. We are quantum beings, and we are social and historical beings. Well, social and historical meaning. We were born into beliefs and interpretations. So the beliefs and interpretations I have around women, around black people, around. Around Asians, around what money is and isn't, all of those things. My work is about questioning all of that. Everything that has been in. Of course. Of course this happens. Of course that doesn't. Of course you do this. But is that true? Do I? Is that mine? Because what I noticed was my money story was not mine. It was my dad's and my mom's. So I go, okay, do I want to keep that if it's not yours?

Right?

And then you ask myself, where'd they get it from, but from their mom and dad and the culture and the church and this and the school and the idea of black people and how we should X and Y and Z and. Okay, do I want to buy into that? That's how I started surfing. I walked past my neighbor's garage and they had a surfboard in the back. And I said, you know, I grew up maybe 10 minutes from the beach my whole life and never, ever tried surfing. Never got in the water, really. Let me find out. And I went to Manhattan beach and fell on my face a million times. And two weeks later, I got my first wave. And everybody on the beach, all the surfers, all the lifeguards, everybody stood up and clapped. They had saw me coming back over and over and over again.

No lessons. You didn't have any lessons?

No lessons. Just me figuring it out for weeks. And I got that first wave and everybody was clapping and I was like, yo. And I looked up and they were.

Like, yeah, it's a great feeling when.

You get your first.

First way.

Oh, my God.

Something special.

Crazy. Crazy.

Yeah, dude. On the social and historical part of being human, you know, as a post you put up today, I think it was yesterday, but it got put up today and it rustled some feathers, which is the beautiful part about you and your work and making content. And I got two questions for you around that, which is when you. When you look at comments or you've rustled feathers and people are not attacking you, but they're kind of disagreeing, kind of like putting shit on your post, does that impact you in the morning when you wake up and does it hit you for a second? Because I know for me, sometimes in the past it has.

Yes.

And you just get better at kind of coming back to center and not letting it affect you.

Does it still affect you? It 100% still affects me. The difference now than before, because before I used to be ready to fight back. Okay, you wanna. And I still will. Every once in a while somebody will say something a little too out there and I'll just.

Right.

And it's not just for them. It's for everybody else who thinks that they can just march into my space and make bold, you know, audacious. Really messed up comments about me as a person.

Right.

But I do understand that to me, a part of transformation and this work is about. At some point we have to get angry. We have to get. What's the word? Challenged. And I think everybody has a role in these. In this. In these spaces. And one of my roles is to speak to the elephant in the room. And that post you're talking about, for reference for anybody who's listening or watching, was a woman sharing that she believes that the rise of feminism, online dating, and a few other things has created this idea that women don't have to be accountable for anything and that any introspection becomes them gaslighting themselves and then blaming and shaming men and calling men narcissists while simultaneously not taking ownership of their own stuff. And that made some people mad. And I could see how it would, given how deep the patriarchal sort of oppression of women has been. I could see that easily. And I also. The reason why I even put it up is because I think that there is some truth under that. I think that the pendulum swing really far. And you know, this isn't the first time I've addressed the subject. You know, even six years ago, I put up a post that said everybody's ex boyfriend cannot be a narcissist. And there were so many people that were mad and like, you don't know. And to diagnose an entire gender, or whatever you want to call it, dudes, because you don't understand how to be in relationship with that person, I think is very dangerous. And I'm going to tell you another story. I had a friend reach out to me yesterday and he was like, man, my wife keeps trying to get me to leave my profession and she wants me to stop doing this sport that I love doing. And he was like, bro, do I need to break up with her? Like, this is my wife. But like it's kind of messed up, right? And I explained to him that it's her immature, wounded little girl trying to find a way to be first in his world, right? She's everybody's looking for the conscious mom and dad they never got. And I told him it's his job to reparent the little girl so that the adult can come forward. And I understand the part of him and his wounded little boy that wants to push back and fight back and get rid of her, but the game is to give her something to have a shared memory with him, right? What she's really. Usually the feminine is looking and checking for connection. Sometimes the way that the feminine checks for connection is toxic and fucked up to dudes. The masculine often, generally speaking, is checking for and trying to keep freedom. So one is checking for connection, one is trying to make sure and secure freedom. And those two things can clash a lot. And so what I share with him is like, hey, bro, there's a spark she sees in your eye when you do that, sport. She understands that before you ever got here, before she ever came into your life, you had this profession that you love so much. And what she's saying under, what she's saying is, I want you to look at me that way. I want to feel the devotion that you have towards that sport and towards your job. I want to feel that here. What I shared also with him is that the nature of humans is that desire is a bottomless pit. And what men do is, we go, okay, give me the list. You want this? I'll give you this, this, this, this, and this. Now can you stop? Like, we good? And I'm like, that's never. She's never gonna be good. It's a bottomless pit. The moment you do the whole list, she's gonna come up with a new list. The game is not to think. And I told him this, and some of you may be upset with me or whatever the case may be, I don't care. I said, bro, you guys aren't the same species. She's a tiger, you're a lion. It's not the same. You may seem like you're the same, but you're not. So you don't deal with a tiger the same way you deal with a lion. They are different. And it's the same for her. If she, if I was coaching her, I'd say the same thing. You are dealing not with the tiger, you're dealing with a lion. And a lion has a different set of rules. So you have to figure out how to meet this being with a different set of rules. I said, bro, if it was me and you, all you have to say is like, stop, homie. Like, what the fuck do you actually want? Right? And then I'd be like, I want this, right? And then we'd be like. And then it'd be over, right? Meanwhile, she goes into her files and she's like, in 1987, you smiled really big. And I made it mean that, you know, and that would be really, like, advanced. You'd be like, 1987, you liked a picture on Instagram. And that picture means that you hate me, you don't like me, you love her. Like, are you gonna leave me? And, like, all that stuff plays out, and it'd be easy to be mad about that. Like, Alexi and I have been through it. It's a 10 year relationship, mainly married for that 10 years. And there have been so many times where we, you know, not even so one really big time where we are on the brink of divorce. And the biggest turnaround for me was I stopped paying attention to the exact wording and things she was sharing. Because every time she shared exact things I would defend because in my mind she's just like a nut. Like it like a dude, right? Like if you say that then you mean that. So let's. That's a lie. That's not true. And every time I paid attention to her exact wording, we fought and we got further and further away. When I stopped listening to what she was saying and start tuning into her nervous system and what's going on underneath this. What is she really trying to ask me or say underneath this, then I could meet her with compassion. And that compassion created just enough space for her to feel safe. And then in the safety she was able to unfold and share what was really going on for her. You know, And I think our job is to re parent our partners is to help them deal with the wounds that happened way before we ever met. I think that's the work.

Yeah. Second, that and the language and the understanding of the nervous system in. Because I've been through elementum, the coaching program that you and your. Your tiger Alexi Powerhouse leads with you. The language of understanding nervous system. How to support someone in their nervous system in relationship man is. Has been astronomical for, for us, Amanda. And I'd love to hear more about, I guess how you were able to become more sensitive to firstly your nervous system and then Alexis. Because a lot of the guys that I work with, they date powerhouse women as well. They're like women in their masculine, like want to achieve a lot and, and they struggle to kind of like just drop out of that and go into their feminine and the subtlety and the into to open up a little bit.

Yeah.

How were you able to like, what were you able to tune into that that allowed you to like, help yourself and help her?

This is a really complicated question. I'll just give you what's coming up right out the gate. The first thing is the more I tuned in with myself and realized how many of my childhood wounds were playing out in our relationship, the more I could have compassion and understand that her childhood wounds were playing out in our relationship and that it wasn't personal. The biggest thing is I thought it was personal. There were so many times where I'm like, you are literally, you don't love me.

Right.

You want a boxed up version of me that you can control. That's not me. And What I realized through all of that is like, she's scared.

She.

She wants more of my heart. She wants more of my presence. So that's one more I tuned into me and the work that I was navigating, the more I start to understand. The second piece was just being on the edge of destruction, bro. And that's where kids are also really helpful. Because when you have kids and businesses and things that are interconnected, it's not as easy to run.

Right.

When I was 30 and 28 and all those things, anytime something came up, really, I'd be like, I'm out, right? Get out of here. But the fact that we have kids and all this history and things that are intertwined when we got to these spaces and places. And again, I'll say this, I know that therapy works for a lot of people. I don't think it worked for us. And especially couples therapy. It has to be a very attuned therapist or coach to understand the intricacies of relationship and power dynamics that play out in relationships, and especially with strong willed women who can easily get into their masculine or just live there. Because it's. It's this game of you go first. Like, I could remember resenting her for wanting her to go first. Like, why don't you just open your heart? And she's thinking in her mind, like, open yours and I'll open mine. Make it safe for me and you will get this. And then I would be in my head going, well, how can I make it safe if you have this guard up? And now it's just two walls talking to each other. And so, you know, I say this often. Leaders not only know the way, but they go the way and show the way. And I had to get that. It was my job to be to lead our family to be a leader from the front, not from the back. The back is you go first. The front is I'll put my heart on the line. Let's find out. And there's two things that were super important to our relationship, and I think they're important to everybody's. One is a culture of appreciation. We just forget how important it is to say, I see what you did.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Amanda, thank you for setting up those cameras.

Right.

Because it becomes so routine.

Right.

Hey, Jordan, Like, I really see what you did there when that person did this or when this thing came up for me. Thank you for going the extra mile. Thank you for running my bath. Thank you for always taking care of me or thinking about dinner or X, Y and z. Like, just a culture of appreciation will go so far. You get. It's like a bank account that has so much, like, money in it that it's overflowing. So if I withdraw, there's so much there that I don't care. That's one. Number two, a culture of apology. I was in a mastermind with a bunch of really high level dudes, and the question came up, there's only two kind of women. That's how it started. There's two kind women, women who apologize and women who don't. And then the room went around. Everybody said, which one did you get? It's like 90% women who don't apologize.

Right?

And there's memes and all kinds of stuff around that where it's like, no matter what, she's always right. This just doesn't matter how it's reconfigured, it's always my fault. And I think that is such a big missed opportunity for both.

Right?

But just I'm going to not just speak to women. I'm going to say everybody in a relationship. A culture of apology can go so far. It's so easy once you get it in your body to say, oh, my God, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I didn't mean that. Did that hurt you? I'm sorry, babe. Fellas. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. What did I do? What happened? How could I help? I didn't want to hurt you. Tell me more.

Right?

Just. That can build the space and the bridge. Because also, this is my opinion, I think that typically women are verbal processors, so they just need to say everything. And sometimes they don't understand that those little things they throw out there are jabs to a man's character.

Yeah, right?

Sometimes, like, I had a friend. This is gonna. You're gonna laugh about this. I had a friend who we were talking about this and I was coaching him through it, and he was like, bro. It's like, she'll say things like, oh, you're just, like, not the kind of guy that takes out the trash, huh? All right. Like, I get it. These are little jabs, right? Death by a thousand cuts. And ladies, if you're watching and listening to this, that hurts. Oh, I see. You're, like, not the kind of guy who can, like, protect me, bro. I'm in process. You're not the kind of woman who X, Y, and Z's. You want to play that game, right? So that's. The second piece is a culture of apology and shared memories. That's the third one, you got to have stuff that you two do together that's fun, that's interesting, that's crazy. That's all the things. Because those shared memories, you can always lean back on. You know, when Alexi and I had a really hard time last year, we pulled out the photo album, and every page we went to, we'd be like, okay, what was your favorite memory about this trip to Bali? What about this trip to Morocco stood out to you? What did you love the most about when we were, you know, in Byron Bay that one year? What? You know, like, we have all these shared memories that we can lean back on when times get tough.

I love that you say that. That's exactly the same how we feel. There's that many now memories that we've experienced together that this. There's too much specialness here.

Yes.

For us to ever throw in the towel.

Yes.

And there's two really important questions I want to ask you, so I'm gonna make sure we get them out. The presence. As a man, when you have a level of presence, you can see right through the story. You can see the emotion. You can see the need behind it. Without the level of presence, your nervous system's in survival. Correct. You essentially become blind. You're asleep at the wheel, and it becomes very hard to be of service to the people you love. How have you been able to maintain such a level of presence now with four kids in the mix, a growing business. You know, things that have now come on that have just stacked. More pressure.

Yep.

Because, man, I speak for myself. Like, I want to have a lot of kids. I got a lot of space to have my routine and my time and make sure that I'm present. I'm like, fuck, how do you. How do you do it when you have four kids?

Yep.

And it's like you have to reconfigure everything. Everything is built around them. And here. Here's. That's a great question. And one of the answers is, I don't do it by myself. I have a team of men who I've been in a mastermind with for four years, and we talk every day. So I unload my stuff with them before it ever gives to my kids or Alexi and those men. Their job is to hold space for my kids, my family, my vision, everything. So coaching, mastermind, support, somehow, some way, support is the. One of the biggest keys. I've been telling people this for years. They said, how'd you make it? How'd you get here? Proximity. At first, I Just paid my way into everybody's spaces. And then. And then I started to gather, and it started to stick in such a way that I became my own environment. And then people wanted to pay their way into my space.

Right.

And I had the wherewithal to understand to really serve them so that they can be that, too. I'm going to tell you one quick story about Smile Serve School. So I was in a position where I needed money, and I asked myself, what could I do that can create cash fast that will still be sort of in the coaching world and have an impact? And the first thing I thought was, you surf every day, bro. You might as well. You've taught all these people, you're really good at it. You might as well just charge for it. So I created Smile Surf School. And within the first two months of me creating Smile Surf School, I lapped all the other surf schools in Venice and Santa Monica and all those places. And there's one reason for it. All those surf schools, what they would do is they would sell a surfing package, three surf lessons. Or they say, okay, you can buy one surf lesson, and then they'd spend 45 minutes of the hour and 30 minutes on the beach wasting time because they wanted those people to come back for a second lesson. You know what I did? I said, I'm going to teach people in one lesson, in the first 20 minutes of us getting to the beach, the moment they step foot on the sand, I'm going to start keep psychologically pouring into them.

Right?

Have you surfed before? Yeah, but I don't know if I'm.

Going to do it today.

You're doing it today. It's done. I'm going to take videos and pictures today, and I'd start to explain to them, hey, surfing's like. Your body's like a computer. So I need you to fall at least 25 times in the first couple minutes. And your body's gonna get it when I scream out, cadillac, right? Because the difference between a Cadillac and a motorcycle is a Cadillac is wide and big, and a motorcycle is thin, so it can tip over. When you hear me scream Cadillac, that means widen your stance and have some fun. That's all you're gonna hear from me today, okay? And I teach so fast, and I said, let's go get in the water. Let's go play, right, bro? I made so much money and such an impact that the other surf schools ganged up and reported me. Oh, shit. Yep. They're like, this dude's taking our money. He's making us look stupid. Because I would teach next to them, right? So the other students would be with the other surf school, and they're like, they just got here at the same time. How the hell are they surfing while we're still on the beach? And you're just wasting time.

Right?

That is the same principle I use in my coaching business. Yeah, same one.

I was just about to say that.

Yeah, same exact one. Serve hard, fast. Give people everything you possibly can. Really help them. Because what will happen is maybe they won't hire you again, but they will tell 15 other people. And that's what happened. Every time I taught, somebody took pictures, videos, the thing. You know what they say? They post it on Facebook. Their friends will be like, oh, my God, I want to do it. And they say, preston's amazing. You have to work with him. And then it just. That is me. Super fast money.

Yeah. Yeah. I remember you told me on the coaching call that we had last year. I think conditions of satisfaction.

Yes.

Meet the conditions of satisfaction early.

That.

What does their mind want? What's that? Achievement or goal unlock? You mentioned something on that, on the theme of that, on the context of that. Which was. Which was fun. Have fun. There was a moment the other day I was like. It was like 5pm I was, like, doing my journaling, like, planning my next day, and I just, like, I wasn't enjoying it. Amanda's like, you know. You know, isn't it, like, having fun?

Mm.

And you're like. I was like, you know, I'm right. You're right. I'm not. I'm not really enjoying this. Why the fuck am I doing this? Because I thought I had to. Like, that's how you make it in business. Right. And I look at you and I admire this about you a lot, is you infuse a lot of play and fun, everything into your week, into your life. And tell me why that's so important, bro. And how you do that. Do you schedule? It is a specific things that, like, you know, that you got to get this in.

Well, I used to schedule it, like, when I was three years. No, four years older than you. I was 34. I did a year, a year of play in my calendar. So it was scheduled into my life. That every day I had to take at least 20 minutes to do something that was strictly for fun and play. Now I just infuse it in everything. And the reason why I do that is because when we are super regulated and in our play, we become more creative. I reverse my aging. I'D love for you guys to see a picture of me at 25 and put it next to the 43 year old. It's interesting, right? Minus these gray hairs. Like, if I cut this off, I.

Was going to say, there's no wrinkles inside. I probably look older than him.

If I cut this off, I'm like a 10 year old bro. And I reversed it. I reversed my age. That's another part of it is there's so much vitality in the curiosity of each moment, right? And my kids are great at showing me that because they can have a cardboard box and like, be like, it's a spaceship. It's chasing us, daddy. And right. Like, and then there's this moment where I'm like, oh, it is chasing us. What do we want to do? Right? And then, like, they are, they are reminding me that I can, I can find beauty and interesting things in anything. And it helps me look at business different too. Helps me understand also, you know, a lot of times as entrepreneurs, we're just racing to get to this particular mountain. But an unhappy journey will never lead to a happy ending, right? It has to be a happy journey to create the happy ending. And so because the ending is just a pit stop, right? I really choose to understand that the wealth is in how much joy, pleasure, I can allow in any given moment. When I lived in an apartment that's smaller than this room, with one window that would face the brick wall, I was still experiencing the same abundance that I am now. Because you can only be in one room at a time. You can only take a poop in one bathroom at a time. Like, it doesn't matter. 50,000 bathrooms. If you can't bring and see the face of God in that bathroom, then you're not gonna be able to see it in some golden bathroom. Like, it's not gonna matter because you haven't practiced. You don't have reps. So the work is to get reps in to see your life as beautiful and perfect now. Not when I get this money, followers, when I work with so and so, when we get married, when we have a kid, when I get this car, all of the. If you're playing that game, you're a slave to whatever's on the other side of it. And that's the thing I keep reminding myself of. None of this matters. And all of it matters. There's just matter in a space. Yeah, the, the, the thing is what I imbue in it. The energy. You ever ate somebody's food? That just feels so Rich and like, like there's love in it all the time, right?

That's.

There's an energy. Everything is energy. We know that. The question is, is, are we intentionally doing, you know, because spirit can only do for you what he can do through you. So the game is not to make it happen. The game is to make it welcome to, to become a vibrational match and receptive for God. To use each and every one of us as a tool to express and experience love that.

Yeah, big time, man. I feel like we have time for one more question. Make it quick. I know there's gonna be a lot of coaches listening to this because you're like One of the OGs, the Trailblazers, a fucking leader. One of the all time leaders in this space, brother. Really, like you've set the tone for a lot of people to step into this work and a lot of coaches never really make the level of impact and income that they want. I know that to be true. What changed in your level of feeling, thinking and behaving that took you from a six figure a year coach to a seven figure plus coach?

Yep, two things. Falling in love with the boring stuff because most coaches and most people are just trying to get to the fast car or the X, Y and Z. And again, I kept going, okay, well, can I make emails to the greatest thing that's ever existed, right? Can I enjoy where I am at a level that would, would match the thing I think I need and want?

Right?

Whatever that is, I'm just reaching, right? So essentially I mentally rehearse often. And not just mentally, I emotionally rehearse that which I desire most. And I know everything is feelings, right? I get that from the outside. Many of you are like, no, I want to get the car to find out. And I'm just telling you, I have the car, I have the house, I have all the things. And those things are awesome and they're fleeting, right? Like again, everything you own will be owned by somebody else. It'll be trash. So you really want to be powerful, Fall in love with the boring stuff you want to. You want a business that's last and is sustainable. Take care of your clients and whoever is there, like they are actual family. Like I used to say that all the time. I've had different assistants and when they, I'd hire them, I'd say, hey, listen, I want you to eat when you're emailing people on behalf of me. Treat them like you treat your grandmother. You know, how you, hey, granny, how you doing?

Right?

There's There's a softness. I want people to feel loved when they come into my space, and that. That goes much further. A lot of coaches just see dollar signs, and I. I see family and. And, you know, I've said this before, and no offense to Jay Shetty, but if it was my army versus his, mine would win every time. Because people, in my opinion, like his stuff. People love me. Those are two different things. Some people will hit me up. P, I completely disagree with what you said. And I still love you.

Right?

Fuck you. And I love you.

Right? Yeah.

That's different than unfollow, because I don't give a shit about you.

Right.

That, to me, is the most sustainable thing in the game. And Jay Shetty is killing it. Jay, I love you. If you're watching this, I love you. You're killing it. And I personally, I'll take both. But I'd rather have, if I had the choice, a small army that really got who I am.

Man. Again, I wanted to acknowledge you. I know there's a lot of work that went on behind the scenes to get to the point where you can allow God to express through you in the way that it does. And I just want to. I see you. Thank you for your impact, not just on me, but on behalf of everyone that's listening that you've touched. Thank you. This has been really enjoyable. Been an absolute privilege. Until next time.

Appreciate you.

Thanks, King.

Love you.