SSP 035: Powerful Advice For Busy People & Finding Lasting Fulfilment With Josh Collins

Guys, we're back. It's Jordan Kalish here. State Shifters podcast special episode here. It's finally reconnected with Josh Collins. Who? The people who have been listening since day one. Josh and I were, you know, the ones who came together to create the podcast. It was a special moment because when we made the podcast, it was an idea that I had with him while I was on my way over to Canada, I stopped into Sydney to visit Josh. He just recently moved out to Sydney. I just immediately embarked on my journey away from Australia, out to Toronto, and now we've since reunited back here in Perth, where we grew up, back at my. The house where I grew up in and really where me and him shared a lot of our early childhood memories. And this was a really special moment. We got to come back, reflect on the past couple of years, the lessons we've learned since, both living in big cities and really, really the insights that we've had, you know, observing how we've shifted and observing how other people go about living their lives. And there's a lot of value in this one. I'm excited to share it with you guys. So, yeah, tune in. You're gonna enjoy. Final request, before we start, if you want to follow along with more of what Josh is up to, check him out, Instagram, Kole, and.

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Give the podcast a subscription if you're up for it on itunes. There's a bunch more episodes coming out and would love to keep you up to D with all the stuff that's coming through. So enjoy this one, guys, and we'll see you in the next episode. All right, go.

Welcome back, mate. You're back in Perth. What a pleasure. It's. It's been a few episodes since our last conversation.

Man, I was thinking, I think about this morning, actually. I think it's been a. I think it's been. It must have been a, what, a year? Year. Over a year.

Well, I was reflecting, brother.

September, last year.

It's. I started the podcast back in 2017.

Yeah.

And the idea of the podcast came about as I was leaving Australia to go to Canada. I stopped in Sydney to visit you.

Yeah.

And I remember saying to you, we should start a podcast. We're having these conversations. We should do a podcast. And I started it. And if anyone who's been here since day one, the first, what, six, seven episodes was just me and you having conversations. So it's great to be back home doing our first in person episode in.

Australia and the old stomping ground as well.

The old Stomping ground.

Yeah.

Fr.

Yeah.

I mean mate, it's good to be back in Perth.

Yeah.

How you feeling? How's it feeling back in Perth? You've been living in Sydney the past couple of years. How does it feel?

Oh man, it's. It's surreal. I was, I was chatting about this morning, the thing I didn't. I like I think I forgot living over there is how much love I have while I'm here. Like, like going down, going down. Seeing my family like down south here, all the friends I have. Just feel so overwhelmed man. So overwhelmed with like, like the amount of love that I get. That's something I'd forgotten. I think become too complacent. Like just living my day to day, like. Like routine life in Sydney and Yeah, that's the thing. It's so good to be back.

Yeah.

Even if it's short lived and we've.

Both come from big cities, mate.

Yeah.

Sydney, Toronto. We both return home to Perth. What have you noticed is the main distinction, main difference?

Well, at the moment there's bloody. There's no smoke around. Sydney's covered in smoke. But the. I think it's just the quiet, man. The quiet just went down to. Went down to Albany. Like even where like out where mum and dad live, like it's just. You just got the back and it's just like there's nothing like. And yeah, like you just have even just that little bit of silence. You have so much more time just to like switch off something. You think.

Yeah.

I take for granted like while I used to be here where, where I live in particular, like near a highway on the airport line, just there's a constant like ringing like background noise that you just get used to and then you don't realize until it's quiet where you're like holy crap. Like I can actually think again.

Yeah.

Like. Yeah, it's, it's. I don't know, you. You were living on the highway, you probably got a bit of that as well.

Yeah. When I was in the condo, man, that constant hum of like an air conditioner or.

Yeah.

Some sort of. Yeah. Being in a, in a tower, like condo tower. There's always some sort of noise going on. So. Yeah, definitely nice to be back hearing some natural sounds of some winds blowing in the trees and it's beautiful, man. It's a time for me. I feel like there's more time.

Yeah.

Being back here. Everything seems very fast paced in Toronto which makes you feel like you don't have time because you get sucked up into that energy. Right?

Yeah.

There's a piece pressure when everyone around you is like, everyone around you is bustling or everyone like it seems like no one's like actually the other thing is people are friendlier.

Man.

People are friendlier. Like, like I think people too caught up in like what they're doing or like we've spoken about before, it's like task orientation. It's like one thing.

Task list consciousness.

Yeah.

One thing's finished. What's the next thing? Like next thing done. What's the next thing? It's like people don't like people have become task orientated rather than like experience oriented. Like there's just like one thing after the other rather than like just experiencing the one moment like and you come back here, people are more relaxed. They're like, they seem like. I don't seem like they're actually enjoying the like the time they have more rather than, rather than like completing a task and moving on.

Yeah.

Notice that a lot as well.

Yeah, definitely. I mean it's great that we've got to experience living in a busy city.

Yeah.

With the privilege of growing up in Perth, a slower city for some people. You know, maybe they've only ever experienced living in a big city.

Yeah, I was actually good point.

I was just.

Because I just came back from the Philippines. There's 25 million people in Manila, the whole population of Australia in one city. And the people I was there with were saying like the locals don't like silence. Like they get freaked out by silence because they've never had it before. Like they're like that was, that was a next level. Like you're on the street and you actually have to shout to the person next to you. Like it's so loud and they're like, you get. There's people there that they come to. Like they've been to Sydney or they've been to like, I don't know, somewhere else around the world that's not quite as busy but busy by our perspective. And they get freaked out by the silence. And like it's just like, I don't know, the world's only as big as you make it, you know, like it's as big as your bubble.

What do you think that means? If you, if you're someone who gets freaked out by silence, you know, if you have, if you struggle to be at home by yourself, you struggle to spend time alone in the solitude of your own thoughts. What do you. I'm curious to get your opinion on what, what do you think that's an indication of.

Oh man, that's a good question. Who was. I was like, what's that quote that, that math. 16th century mathematician.

Blaise Pascal.

Blaise Pascal. All man's problems come from the fact that he can't sit alone in a room in silence. Yeah, like I, I think I see it, I. You see it a lot in Sydney. I can probably saw it a lot in Toronto.

For sure. For sure.

People that are in those areas where there's like, there's more things to do, there's constant distraction. Then people are I think feel like constantly disconnected from like the underlying aspects of life because they're always living on the surface level. Distraction like that, that's the task thing. It's like doing one thing and like it's, it's sensory. It's like it feels good. You're stimulating your, your senses and then you move on to the next task which is like doing the same thing again. It's either like a hit to the ego because you're succeeding, like you know, succeeding at something or you're, or you're, you're stimulating your senses by something, but you're. All the time people are getting more and more disconnected and that being by themselves is like they're not used to that, they're not used to that. Like, for me, I find it like some of the, some of the best moments I ever had, which is me sitting alone by myself. But I feel like if you're not used to that or you can't, like you can't, you can't do it. It's because there's this constant noise, like this constant noise in the back of your head that's become attuned to that way of living. It's like, I don't know, it's almost like I know people are just like they, they something. It's different for everyone. Some people, I think it's like they can't do it because it feels like they're like not doing something is not. It's not moving them towards a goal or like success and they feel like uneasy by that. It's like I have to be. It's like that gain mentality. I always have to be gaining something in order to be better or, or like doing better. I think that's one aspect of it and then other aspects and it's just like that's what people are used to. Like people are used to having to do things all the time or think about things or talk. Yeah, I think, I don't know. I Don't know why. I don't know why. People get freaked out by being quiet or being by themselves. What do you think?

Yeah, I think it's distraction, a lot of it. People are addicted to the distraction from their own emotional pain. Big cities are built around pulling your attention outside of you. I know in Toronto, I'm sure it's like this in Sydney. You go into a bar, the music's really loud, There's TV screens everywhere. You walk outside, you're bombarded with advertisements, loud noises in the city. Your attention's constantly being pulled outside of you. And I think people get addicted to that. And that addiction results in a lack of awareness of what's underneath that's truly asking for your attention.

I think a lot of it has to do with that. The same thing you're talking about is the police helicopter.

Police helicopter, Damn.

Yeah. I think a lot of it has to do with the, like, the deficit mentality that we're raised on. I think a lot of it, like, through the schooling, education, like, schooling system, like education system, like parenting, conditioning, a lot of it's about, like, you're not good enough with what you're doing. You need to go and get something outside of yourself to make you better, and then you'll be whole again. And that's like, that's the sit. Like that. Like the whole testing system of school is like, go and learn more so you can come back and be better or do better or like, this is wrong. You need to do this in order to be a good person or like a successful person in this world. And people carry that with them their whole lives. So it's like that going in is almost never the solution for people. I feel like it's like the mentality is I like constant striving for something outside of themselves in order to make themselves whole. It's just like, it's this like, lack of self love, lack of self value. Because that's what they've been taught. They've been taught that themselves, like, the way they are isn't good enough and they need to gain in order to add. But it's like, it's a paradox because no matter how much you gain, the mentality stays the same. That's where you get all these people, man, they're like, they're rich, they're successful in the world, but they're so unhappy, so disconnected, and they don't know why. It's just like, it's the thing, man. You gain and you gain and you gain, but the mentality Always stays the same. You never gain enough to make you happy.

Yeah, yeah. And I think for anyone who's listening, who's experienced having like a goal or an objective or something in the future where you're going, yeah, I want this, I want the money, I want the promotion, I want the house, I want that travel, that holiday. And then when you get, you eventually get it, it feels good for about a few moments it feels good. You're like, sweet, I got the client or I got the holiday, I got the money. And then instantly you go back to this feeling of ah, there's something missing again.

Yeah.

And there'll always be something missing. If you think the, the void can be filled from something outside of you.

That's why if you're, there's on that though there's nothing, there's nothing, there's anything wrong with goal setting or like, anything wrong with like striving to be better than you are now. As long as you still have the mentality that what you're going after will not inherently make you better. Like, there's nothing wrong with like, oh, I'd like $10,000 more like a year because of, I want to be able to achieve this and this. As long as you're not attached to the result of that being that the attachment to the result is that you're going to be better than before. Then all of those things are good to have and nice to achieve, but not life dependent. They're not going to cause you to increase your sense of identity or feel like you've achieved and are now better than you were before. Doesn't mean that they're not good to get or like nice to have. So I feel like, yeah, sometimes there's a distinction there.

I think the way to assess that is going back to the silence thing. Like if you spend time in silence and you notice what comes up, it's feeling of not being enough. Usually it's feeling of not being enough, you know, and if that is something that you struggle to do is be. A lot of people I have conversations with who are too busy to meditate, too busy to sit, spend time in nature, too busy to reflect and journal. Like if you're someone who's always busy, what happens if you do the opposite, what comes up then? And usually that's your indication of, okay, yeah, maybe I need to slow down and be with this part of me that thinks that I don't have time to be with myself because maybe that's the part of you that really wants attention and love not the mind thinking that it's the thing outside of you that you're trying to attain.

There's a lot of good points in there. The one I always find is negative self talk and careless negative self talk. And I feel like people don't realize how much power their own word has. And I hear, I hear so many people, like I used to call a lot of people out on it. I think I've stopped, I've stopped doing it as much. But like just talking about themselves in a derogatory or like self deprecating term. I'm like, what? Don't talk about yourself like that. Like, where did you learn that? Like who taught you that? Like someone's like, oh, more I always do this. Like I always stuff this up and like who taught you that? Where did you where, like who taught you that you always stuff things up and why do you believe it? You know, I mean that's like people don't realize how much, how much power their words have over themselves. I mean a lot of talk about like don't, don't talk badly about other people, but don't talk badly about yourself. It's like learnt, it's like learnt negative self belief and it can be overcome just by being conscious of the words that come out of your mouth.

Yeah, I like how you brought this up because I'm in the middle of finishing Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within. Yeah, and I love Tony Robbins book because he goes into detail around all these to create powerful, lasting change. One of the steps is the vocabulary you use. So words are like the filter to which you experience life. Like if you're using words that limit the experience that you're having, then that is the emote. A lot of our emotions are tied to the words we use. So if you're saying, I was like, I don't like that, I hate this. I'm okay today, I'm okay. It could be better. Think about how limiting these words are to what the vastness of an experience is. So even just like I say to people when you get on the phone, just someone says, hey, how you going? Just say, I'm fabulous, I'm fantastic, amazing. Because that is going to start to really.

It changes it.

Yeah.

Like even if to start with you don't believe it, just do it anyway.

100%, just do it anyway.

Because it has to start somewhere.

Like Herb.

One that I started using was like changing a perspective at work from, oh, I had such a busy day. I had such a productive day. You know, it's the same thing, but it reframes it in a new way where it's like, I wasn't. Like, it's not the work versus me. It's me and the work. Like, I achieved that rather than it beat me down.

Yeah.

It's like, just like, little changes of language can affect your mood and your. And your emotions so much.

Big one there on.

There is the.

I've got to go to work tomorrow.

Yeah.

What about I get to go to work tomorrow?

Yeah, I want to go to work tomorrow, you know?

Yeah.

Make the conscious decision that it's like, yeah, no one's forcing you to get up and go to work tomorrow. Like, anything. Anything to do with, like, yeah, like, man, that's. That's a big one for me. Like, the choice, like, choices. Like, our life is essentially a series of a billion choices. You know, choice after choice after choice. Like, I choose to sit here. I choose to talk to you, like, every morning. Like, so many people I go to work with are like, oh, like, gets to Wednesday. Like, I can't wait for it to be Friday. I'm like, like, change your. Change your perspective. Like, it's what you always talk about. About the gratitude. Like, I get to have a job. Like, I get to be around these people that, like, I get to have relationships with people I never would have met otherwise. You know what I mean? I get to work with a whole set of clients that do amazing things every day. Reframing your decision and your choice from I have to go to work to I am choosing to go to work all of a sudden elevates your mood because it's not. It's not being forced upon you anymore. Like, taking personal responsibility for that choice and going, this is my choice to get up out of bed. I'm choosing to go to work. I don't have to. If I don't, then I deal with the consequences, but it's still my choice to go, man, that reframes everything you.

Like, get all your power back. Oh, man.

Like, you take responsibility, the power is yours. Then same things. Like, you choose to leave. Choose to leave a job. It's your choice. No one kicked you out. Like, it's like life is literally just choice and consequence. That's it. You make a choice, that's the consequence. And as soon as you take power from responsibility for all of those choices, the world's yours, man. The world's yours.

It's great that you're bringing this up, dude, because I again, I'm reading Tony Robbins book and he state shift is the brand that I created. The inspiration came from Tony Robbins talking about choices and decisions.

Yeah.

And he said the quality of your decisions are determined by the state that you're in. You make good decisions when you're in elevated states of emotion. You're in a state of joy, peace, gratitude, appreciation. You make good decisions in these places. But if you're angry, frustrated, depressed, anxious, the quality of your decisions in those states are usually detrimental to your future.

Yep. Yeah.

So state shifters was built around how can you shift your state in a. When you're in a negative emotional state, you're not in a good place to be making decisions.

Yeah.

So how can you then shift your state? Like, what are the toolkit, the arsenal that you can use to process whatever it is you're holding on, to raise your energy into a place when you get up to a place where, yeah, you're back in it, you're like, oh man.

You know what I find like.

Yeah.

The thing I relate to in that is like elevated consciousness and decision making is based on love and the opposite is based on fear. And you see that the more you change your language, you reframe your perspective. All the choices you used to make that were based on fear. Like I get up and go to work so I don't get fired. Like I do this, I work overtime so that I, so that I, like I look good or I don't, like this doesn't happen to me or this doesn't happen to me. It's all like very, like, it's very suppressed, like emotions. Like the fear based emotion. As soon as you reframe that and you change your language, it's all love based. Now I want to go to work. I get to do this today. Like I get to help this person. It's, it's like all changing it from self serving to being of service. It's the same thing. Like, same thing, man. It's just.

Yeah.

Completely shifts your mentality and your mood.

Dude, you do a great job of this. I want to acknowledge you for this, man. Because, because a lot of people think, ah, you know, I hate my job. There's no fulfillment. I'm not helping anyone at my job. There's no self satisfaction that I get from my work. A lot of people are probably stuck in this mentality. I know for a fact that when you got a job, you think about who can you serve in this moment in front of you, Whether it's a client, whether it's a colleague, whether it's someone you're on the train with someone you're having lunch with. In that moment, what level of service or appreciation or presence can you give to that? And that then becomes your purpose in that moment. That's what gives you that fulfillment when you see someone else benefit from being around you. So there's that like the realization that you, in every single moment, your, your purpose is always there. It's right in front of you. And that's that. That was really the invitation that I, I wanted to give to people. When I went through my accounting job and for a long time I was in such resistance to my job. I was like, fucking hate this, man. This is, this ain't me. Like, this is shit. Yeah, I'm not getting any fulfillment out of this. Until I started showing up in my job with, okay, what's in front of me is this is here for a reason. It's trying to show me my purpose. And when I started to treat shift my perspective, the people around me started to change as well. And all of a sudden your whole life transforms without anything external from you transforming. Just your inner perspective changes. So I think you really live by that perspective in a powerful way. So for people who are listening, who are in an environment they don't want to be in, they're in a relationship, they don't want to be in that shift in perspective to who can I serve? Who can I help? What type of person can I show up as to. To. To be a guiding light for other people? Trading your expectations for appreciation.

Just like that's all it's. I appreciate that. They're all great messages. Like I. You talk about a lot. Like it's like you live inside out. Like, like it's the way of least resistance, the way of least effort, the way of like I think most happiness is living inside first. Like working, working on that. And then everything on the outside just like completely changes. Like you, it's like you change like the, like change the cellophane in front of your glasses from like black to white and it's like you just see this clearer, like lighter world. Like everyone seems to be nicer to you, but it's like it's not people nicer to you. You just focus on the nice people. Like, you know what I mean? I remember like there's something I was, I can't remember who told me, but I was like, I used to have people that I like worked with and other things were like ah, like low self value and like always wanting to talk about themselves. Like always wanted to tell People like, oh, this is who I am. Like, this is why. This is why I'm good. Or like, not in those exact terms, but, like, always trying to show people their value. And I was just. I was just like, instead of like, actually, it was a friend of mine who complained. Like, no one asked me. No one asked me about myself. Like, no one asked me things about me. I was so, like, I have so much value that I want to show. And I'm like, instead of complaining about people not asking you questions, why don't you ask them questions? Oh, like, it completely changes I completely, like. And I know you're like, you're one of the best people at this. Like, you just, like, genuinely listening to people and like, wanting to know about their life. All of a sudden they're so interested in your life. And my mum has a good anecdote about this, where she met this guy. Met this guy at a bar. He was like half pissed and she just sat there and just like, listened to him for like an hour and a half. He was just chatting and chatting and chatting. And then he finished the conversation and he said, wow, you're one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Like, he didn't, like, he didn't ask her one question, but he thought she was the most fascinating person. I'm like, that's what, that's how people perceive you when you just wanted, like, want to know, like, you can just be there for someone. I want to know about them. And so many people that just want to, like, just want someone to listen to them. I think I went off a bit on a tangent.

No, dude. One of the things that I've learned after doing a lot of work one on one with people now is males and females process their emotions in different ways. Females, a lot of the time, if they're going through a hard time or if they've got some stuff they want to get out, all us males need to do is just be a space for them to talk and get things out. I've been through without us having to.

I've had a lot of learning through that.

But, like, we instantly think we need to fix something when all they want is us to just be a space to listen and say, yeah, that's all right, it's okay that you feel that. Well, what else? Like, what else you want to get out and just be. Yeah, damn. Yeah, that would. That would suck. I feel you. I feel you. We don't have to. We don't have to fix it. There's nothing Wrong with what they're feeling. And we give them the space to process their emotions. At the end of it, they go, oh, wow, I feel better. I feel better. And that's all we have to do. And then what I've noticed as men, for us, it's alone time, guys. It's alone time. We got to have the man cave. We're going to have the. Before I come out and talk about my emotions, I need to go and just. Just process it myself. Because if I start trying to talk to my girlfriend around, can't believe this happened to me today. This is how I'm feeling. It's pulling me into my feminine too much into my feminine side. It creates an imbalance in my energies. Guys, we process emotions internally. Either talking with other lads, going to a man cave, meditating movement, like, this is. This is our way of dealing with our stuff. Women, it's communicate, express. They just want to get it out.

Yeah, I've learned that. I've learned that the hard way.

Yeah.

I too often dive in and try and fix a problem. Yeah, yeah, I'm still. I'm still coming to terms with that. Something I'm still improving on. But I agree, I agree. As soon as I. As soon as I have a. As soon as I have a problem, I always go like. Like silence. Like, I just, like, I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want anyone to be around. I just want to be like. Even if. Even if I'm like, in a shopping mall, like, just. I just want to, like, be with myself. Like, I can just walk, like walk somewhere or. Yeah, I think. I think you bang on, man.

So there's a gap for guys listening. Who can you go out and listen to today? Particularly females, but even men. And what conversation can you go into and be a space for someone else to process whatever it is they're holding onto? And then for women on the other side, who are the friends in your life who need you the most right now? Who. And the friends in your life who you can reach out to and be like, hey, what's going on? What's on your mind? What do you want to talk about? And then just be a space for them without having to fix, without judging. Just be a space for them to open up and be felt, be heard, be seen.

Someone else speaking the other day about something I know that you came across was as soon as you started doing so, as soon as you started putting out content and, like, putting out messages of, like, how you were feeling and being More vulnerable. From the perspective of most mid-20s men, you get blokes dming you and they reach out because you've created a space for them to be themselves. And I think that's a lesson for anyone. Something you do far better than me is being like, if you're a young man, be vulnerable enough. Like, overcome the fear of being judged or you're not manly anymore because you want to express your emotion. Because as soon as you do, there's like hundreds of people that feel exactly the same way that you do, that you would have just changed someone's day by opening up and expressing yourself. Because, man, it happens, Happens far too often. That's not. That's not just men, but women tend to usually have a better, better, easier time at doing it. But, man, just as soon as you be vulnerable, you open up such a massive space for other people to like to be there. Yeah, man, you do that. You did that fantastically.

Thank you, brother. I feel like it's so relatable when anyone's vulnerable because a part of the human experience is to go through a range of emotions. And when we're vulnerable, we allow others to be okay with feeling some of these negative emotions that sometimes we don't want to feel. You know, shame, embarrassment, unworthiness, insecurity.

Yeah.

And like we said, women are often better at expressing that or showing. Getting out these emotions. Whereas guys, we just like, push them down because we don't feel this. But when you recognize that this is. This is a part of the human experience, it's like a collective. It's a collective resonance of what we're discussing. Because we all have experienced a form of this in some of some level. We all go through ups and downs, good times, bad times.

Yeah.

And when you talk about it, it's sort of like it gives a space for us, someone else to be like, yeah, I felt that as well. Or maybe I didn't process that in the right way. And it's. There's no. There's no right or wrong, mate.

We're all like, no, that's right.

We're all learning as we go.

That's right. You know, you realize, you realize once you start, like, once you drop the facade of, like, the identity you're trying to uphold. Like it was in one of the book you read where it was like. I think Eckhart says it, it's like 90, 95% of your energy is spent maintaining your illusion, you know, and like, as soon as you give up trying to, like, present this perfect picture of yourself, you realize how similar we all are. Like, man, right now we're in a time that's like more disconnected than ever. Like, even with all the technologies we have. People are lonely, man. People are lonely. They feel isolated because everyone's trying to uphold this image. And the more you can let that down, be vulnerable, be yourself, you instantly realize how similar we all are. Like, every human experiences happiness, they all experience sadness. No matter what level of sadness it is, we all go through large or small peaks of depression. Like, we all have anxiety, we all have fears, and we're all, we're all so much more similar than we, than we think. But you don't realize because you constantly see this. It's like a. It's like a canvas where everyone's like, they've got themselves and they. Then they paint their perfect. Their perfect version of themselves and that's the version they show us. It's like, yeah, no, put that away. Like, because they're all different. Like, they're all. They don't have anything in common. It's too surface level. Like, let's strip it back, you know, It's a much nicer world to live in when we can all feel comfortable being ourselves.

I feel the change that we can live by is living by, you know, we talk about this stuff, but then going into an encounter with someone, the true practice, the true measure of the man is can you look beyond the canvas and still speak to that loving awareness that's underneath it all? That is the same. That's in me. The same. It's in you.

Yeah.

And when you see someone from that place, it's like, it just levels life into this like, level playing field. And for a lot of the times, a lot of people have never been seen from that place. And when they come in contact with you or, or anyone, me or anyone else who's giving someone attention, non judgmental attention.

That's what it is.

It's. There's, there's a different energy that they come out of the conversation with.

Yeah, that's it. You know, like, judgment's a big one, man. Yeah, judgments are like. Because that's, that's like. I feel like that's part of the problem that's created this like large amount of like illusion that people are trying to uphold now is because it's the fear of the judgment from being themselves. Like to see. Same way we were saying with like the questions and like opening up space for others, the less you judge, the more you'll find people are not judging you. Because you're not looking. Like, you're not, you're not focusing on it. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You're not, you're not looking for it. Like, I know people walk into social situations and like everyone that talks, everyone that looks at them, everyone that laughs, it's all about them. Like, without any of it being true. It's the falsification. Like, people are like, oh, that person looked at me and then laughed. That's like, they must think I'm ugly or they must think I'm wearing something they don't like. Or like. And they go into their shell and they put up their guard. It's like instantly gone. I'm like, let's roll it back and try. And like, even if it's, I find, even if it's ignorant, like, put on the rose colored glasses, try and see the best in everyone first before they give you a reason not to. Because then it's like, I don't know, it just creates this friction otherwise where everyone's like, everyone's so tense. Like in social situations, everyone's like, everyone's got these masks on. I can only say try as much as possible to not judge the situations in front of you, including yourself. That's a big one, man. Self judgment. Most people, I reckon like 90% of the judgment is actually themselves and they reflect it onto other people. It's like, it's just like the example I just gave. It's like that person looked at me and laughed. They mustn't think my dress is good enough. Or like it's that. That's your judgment of yourself.

It's you not thinking, you reflecting it on someone else.

Yeah, like, that's, that's the big thing. Like, and that falls into what you were talking about before. Like self, like self love. Like, how do you, how do we encourage that? How do we encourage, like the, in, like the inner perfection that you are.

You know what I mean?

Without all of these like, falsifications on top. These like, these things that don't really matter. Like, they're just there to buy the time. You know what I mean? How do we encourage that?

Oh, yeah, it's a great, it's a great level of awareness to see the judgment, the judgment of others as a reflection of judgment of yourself. Because the minute you notice that, you now see an opportunity in most encounters where if you get triggered by something someone said or if you notice yourself judging someone else with something someone else has said, it's an opportunity for you to go in and look at what part of you is feeling unworthy, is feeling not good enough, is feeling shame, is feeling embarrassed. Because the way we cope with that is we go them. It's this, it's that.

Yeah.

You know, what we talked about before? Like, it's the same thing. Personal responsibility.

Yeah.

It's like the more you can. Like, that's. For me, that's the gateway to living this. Like, the life we're talking about. Being inside out is taking personal responsibility, is saying, I have the ability to change or choose how I live inside first. Like. Like every. Everything that happens outside, you control the reaction to it. You control the choice. You control everything. Like, everything up until your fingertips is your decision. And you can choose how to cope with the things around you, which, in fairness is like 95% of your life. Like, things happen outside, but you control how you react. Taking that personal responsibility. Why am I feeling this way? It's most likely a blockage or something that you're holding onto or something that's. There's something that's like stuck emotion. Rather than blaming and saying, oh, I must be feeling this way because of that person or because of my job. Like, go inside first. Take that personal responsibility question and you realize that something. Something's. You're holding on to something or something that you haven't dealt with, that you're imposing on something else external to you.

Yeah, dude, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. It's just a. It's. And all that is. It's a level of just reprogramming the patterns in your mind to. Instead of the default setting for a lot of us is to blame things outside of us.

Yeah.

Same way we try to gain things outside.

Yeah. So now we just reverse the programming and say every time that I don't feel good, that's a trigger for me to go in inward instead of looking outward. Most people, alcohol, tv, social media, gossip with friends, we go get busy to get away from the feelings that are going on inside. What if it was the inverse? Every time I don't feel good, I now slow down. I now go within and go, okay, there's a part of me in here asking for attention and love. Let's be with that. Let's observe it, let's feel it, let's ask what it's trying to communicate to.

Me, which is often quite, quite painful when you first start doing. Especially if it's someone with a lot of trauma or a lot of past pain or that. That process can be. Can be hard. Like, really hard. I Don't know. Is there any way that you found that, like, people, like, I feel like I had an easy time. I had a great childhood. Like, nothing, really nothing. I didn't have too many great traumas. So I, I. When I. When I first started this journey, I feel like I didn't have much to rectify along that journey, along that path. But have you any advice on how maybe, like, how people could find it an easier process to deal with that pain when they, when they encounter or when they look within?

It's. Ask for support, man. Yeah, God damn, man. People ask. You need to ask yourself if you're ready to process the pain. Ask the universe. The teacher will appear. Like, to be honest, that's the only reason I've been able to go in and reprocess a lot of the traumas that have been buried deep in there that I wouldn't probably never have got to by myself. There needed to be a loving space that someone else held a container for me to go in and go back and reprocess some of the emotions I was hanging on to. And I'm very lucky, you know, to different levels of severity for different people. Like, mine were never like, that bad, but it was still painful. But when you have someone there to hold your hand and guide you and remind you that this is. You're in a safe place, you're all good. For me, that's what made it a lot easier. So, yeah, that's like, if this, if someone feels like they're alone and they don't have access to anyone, man, we got social media. There's, like, there are people out there who can.

A lot of people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I mean, before we wrap this up, mate, I know you're gonna get going shortly, but if anyone resonated with what you were saying and they want to reach out and have a conversation with you, where can they. Where can they find you?

That's a good question. What's the easiest place? Instagram. DM me.

What's your Instagram?

J Cole 11.

J Cole 11.

J. Cole, like the rapper or J. Cole Collins, mate. J, c, o, l, l, 11.

Yeah.

I'm on public. Feel free to message whoever wants to message. I'm more than happy to. I'm more than happy to start conversations, man. The more conversations we can have, the more open we can be, man. The friendlier the world's gonna be. More connections we can create. Yeah, it's just now, like, I. I'm. I'm determined as possible to make people drop the illusions, man. Like, like. Because that's, like, that's, that's what I find hurts so many people is this. This illusion of themselves they've been trying to uphold for 20, 30, 40 years. And it just takes away so much of their energy. Like, like something happens. They trying to control it, to conform to their. Their image. Like, I have to change this situation so that it fits within who I'm meant to be or who I'm trying to be. That resistance, like all the time resistance to letting life just go and then you're just going along with it, that causes people so much pain, man. We can get around that by just having conversations, like opening up, doing what you did, you know, going inward. I'm more than happy to have those conversations with people, man.

Yeah, it's beautiful, man. It's the thing when we let go of this, when we let go of so much of the past that we carry with us, this heaviness of the.

Past.

We sometimes don't realize that we can just let it go, you know?

Sounds easier than it is.

And once we let it go, there's so much lightness. There's so much love. There's just so much love. There's comes through, man. You know, for me, my mission statement was, I want it. I want everyone to get access to that, man. The unconditional love that's just in there waiting, waiting to come through, except we're just blocking it from all the stuff we're holding on to. I agree, man. Brother, I just want to acknowledge you, man. This is awesome to be able to have these conversations back here in Perth and my home and our home and. Yeah, I'm sure we're gonna. I'm gonna be in Sydney again soon, so I would love to do another in person one with you.

No, it's been awesome seeing you on this journey. I still remember when we did the first one, even chatting about it starting up, and now here we are, what, nearly three years later, seeing where you've come from. So it's unbelievable, man.

Thanks, brother. Thank you. Well, guys, if anyone enjoyed this conversation, you know, check Josh out on Instagram, I'm at State shifters. And until the next episode, thanks so much for joining us.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah.

Cheers, guys.

Well, well, well, there we have it. I hope you enjoyed that one. If you did again, do me a favor, subscribe to the podcast on itunes.

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Of the ideas we've shared. And, yeah, we got lots more to come. So, guys, thank you so much. Just want to acknowledge how grateful I am for the people who are tuning into this stuff, because it's a big year, 2020. We've got a big year ahead. And, you know, when we come together and share the insights that we're having on our journey and we resonate off very similar understandings, then it's really going to amplify our growth. So thank you. I appreciate you. And we'll see you in the next episode.