SSP 037: Yasmin Eve - Empowered Relationships, Breaking Old Patterns & Healing Trauma

Hey, what's going on, guys? It's Jordan Kanlish here. Thank you so much again for joining me. And I'm excited for this episode of the State Shifters podcast because I have a good friend, soul sister, another. Another Perth local, Perth native. And since I've returned to Western Australia, I've really, really enjoyed hanging out with Yasmin, who, you know, I connected with a number of years ago. But obviously living in Toronto the past two years has made us hard, hard for us to spend some time with each other. And we did do a podcast back in episode 14, I believe, while I was in Canada. But now we've touched base, connected in person, and we've recorded some magic here today for you guys. So before we dive into today's episode, be sure you check out Yasmin on Instagram. It's at Yasmineve. You can check me out on. At State Shifters on Instagram. And if anything in this episode today resonates or you feel like someone in your network who could benefit from hearing this, please share this one because there was some real powerful stuff out this one. I mean, Yasmin and I went deep and this is a message that I feel the world needs to hear more about a lot of stuff covering relationships and self love. So, again, super excited to share this one. This is going to be a big one. So.

And so everybody thinks the present is.

Jasmine. Good to have you in person, mate. So good you've been on this podcast before, but we were on different other sides of the globe. I was in Toronto, you were here in Perth, and I was in.

Yeah, and then I was in Bali.

Yep, yep, true. So it's really great to be able to sit down and have an in person conversation with you. So good. Every time we come together, we create some magic, don't we? So it's an honor. Thank you so much for joining me. This is amazing.

Thank you. The pleasure's all mine.

Yeah. So what's been going on since the last time we chatted? I mean, a lot of shifts, a lot of insights, a lot of transitions in both of our lives. And yeah, maybe for people who are just discovering who you are and what you do in the world, do you want to give a little bit of a background?

Oh, yes, I would. So, yeah. First of all, so much has changed. I'll go into that in a little bit. But for those who don't know me, my name's Yasmin. I go by the name of Yasmineve on Instagram and I call myself the Empowerment Alchemist, basically, because I work with a lot of people who have been through traumas in their life and have been carrying a lot of past wounds, and I help them alchemize that and transcend it and come back to their essential selves before all of that shit happens. So, yeah, it's a very cool journey to be on and it's a very cool thing to be a part of other people's journeys back to themselves and, and their power, you know, big time.

And I definitely resonate with so much of the work that you do and so many of the. The con. So much of the content you share. And it's been so interesting to see how our paths have, like, crossed and aligned throughout this journey.

And so cool.

Yeah, both being from Perth and both going off into our own separate directions and then now coming back, it's just really special to be able to share this message and share this truth with the world. And, yeah, I love everything you're up to.

Oh, likewise, brother. And I mean, that's why we just vibe on such a level when we get together. But, you know, it's been cool to watch both of us, you know, to think that for those who don't know, like, we met on Tinder way back in the day and, like, actually never caught up, but we added each other on Facebook for some reason and, you know, without that, that's what, like, started this whole, you know, friendship. It's just so cool to realize you just never know what's going to happen in the future and you just never know how little, like, steps in your journey, even if they seem so insignificant at the time, can be, like, so impactful later. And I think that's a definite message to remember to everyone. Like, the little things matter, they always matter big time.

There's, like, little seeds that are being planted all the time that sometimes you don't see where it's. Where it's going to take or where it's going to flourish into. I know, it's amazing to see how this is just this. This relationship has now flourished into us creating, you know, together. So it's. It's beautiful. I'm curious to know because we're both sort of in the same field of work and I've been away from Perth for a while. I've been away from Australia for a little while.

So it's good to have you back.

Yeah, great to be back. And I'm curious to know how you've found working in this space doing the kind of work of the deep inner Work that you do with people, how you've noticed that's just a truck. Yeah, I know. Have you found the work here in Australia and people. The recept. The receptivity of people here in Australia to this type of content?

Oh, look, man, you know, that's such a. It's such a broad question, I guess, because, you know, I suppose because of where I'm positioned here in Perth, you know, I do get a lot of people that are receptive. Like, a lot of the time. There are a lot of people that are receptive, but there are also. I'm definitely seeing that there's also a really big majority of people at the moment that are on their tipping point, part in the journey. They're at the tipping point. They're not quite at that point where they're ready to tip forward and really dive deep and just go in all guns blazing. There's this. We're at the threshold and we're just kind of toe dipping a little bit. We're sort of not sure should we step through that door yet or should we stay? But then it's also that part where you're like, well, I can't go back there because that's not working and that's not me anymore. But moving forward here feels a little bit uncertain and scary. And so what I'm noticing is there is very much that threshold point for a lot of people at the moment. And this sort of work is kind of like just. It's just giving them that gentle, like, you've got this. Just step through that door, step through that door, step through that door. And again, when people come to me, it's always, I've been looking at you for a long time. I've been reading your stuff for a long time. I just haven't been ready till now. Like, I've been on that threshold and now, you know what? I'm ready to step through that motherfucking door and do it, you know? So I don't know. I think there's a real mixed vibe at the moment in Perth. I really do. There's like a big majority shifting and there's a big majority that are like, becoming aware, but are just like, oh, it's that, you know, it's that threshold point for a lot of people.

Because sometimes it takes a bit of time. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to consume or be around this, this. This type of content or this vibration.

It's new. Yeah, it feels new.

Yeah. To start looking inward for answers instead of looking outward.

Yeah.

And when That's a. That's a new process for a lot of people. And sometimes, for most of the time, it's pretty scary, man.

It is scary. Like, you know, it's something I say to my clients all the time, you know, because sometimes they come in, they're shocked. They're shocked by what they're confronted with, you know, or what they realize they've been carrying this whole time, and they never even knew it, you know, because they have just been so good at avoiding and running from themselves, that there have been so many things buried deep that they have been missing and that shit sometimes uncomfortable. And I always say, you know, like, people that are ready to step through are such brave people. Like, because this is not always, like, it's not fluffy work. It's not like. Like sunshines, rainbows, and it's like, it's tough. Like, it's gritty stuff. It's messy. It's not glamorous, it's not Instagrammable. Like, it's. It's the real shit, you know, and it's the real messy grit work that, you know, you're rolling up your sleeves and you're going digging and you're going into the mud. You know, you're like, you're getting dirty with life, you're getting dirty with yourself. But that's the magic part. Like, that is the liberating part. But it comes at that cost a little bit. Like, if you want that liberation, if you want that empowerment, you want to come back to who you are and feel confident and worthy and enough and free and all of those things, it comes at the cost of you now have to pay, like, the karmic debt that comes with avoiding yourself for that long. Like, if you're. If you're. If you spent 35 years of your life running from you, then the karmic debt of that is that you have to go in and face all that stuff, and it's hard, you know, it smacks you a little bit.

I feel that for sure.

Yeah.

And I mean, I'm sure you've noticed for a lot of people, the process is always different. You know, some people have a process that allows them to go directly into it, face it, rip the band aid off, whereas some other people needed a slowly start to chip away at it.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

And that's where this. This type of work for me was really. It's really profound because there are. There's layers. There's layers to it.

Such onion work isn't really is.

It really is. And I mean, why don't you share a little bit more around what your process is and. And where this. This began when. When you started to go within and realize the power that doing this deep inner work had on you. You've discovered some processes along the way that have helped you now serve other people.

Yeah.

What does that look like?

Oh, man. Like, again, there are so many layers to that, and I want to actually just start from, like, a little bit more of a starting point that not everyone's actually aware of. So my first introduction to this style of work was really the catastrophe point or the point where you have no choice but to face yourself. And for me, on my journey, it has always been a very much like. It's like the universe or whatever has just kind of like, pushed me. It's like, you don't have a choice. You're going into this whether you like it or not. You can be kicking and screaming, but you're going in like that. That has been my relationship with growth. Some of the time now it's different. But at the start, it was very much like. And I know so many people feel that when they start, it's like they get pushed into this real, like, this real, like, you know, shit spot where they're like, just. It's like, there are no avoidance now. There is nothing else you can do. You now have to surrender to this work and do it. And that's tough, but it's like you look back every time and go, I'm so glad that happened. But in the moment, you're like, God, this is awful. And for me, it was, you know, I'd met the most beautiful person in my life at the point I think was 20, 19, actually. And that's when the real work began for me. I was 19 and I'd met the most beautiful person. And when I look back, I think, what a beautiful soul. What an old soul. Because this guy was, like, he was so grounded in who he was at such a young age, so just got it. There was an energy about him that just got it. Wasn't too bothered with the ego, the drive of the rat race. He was just very here and now. And that was so cool and so special and such a loving, unconditionally loving being, you know, and that touched me so deeply at that time because I had so many layers of armor at that point and so. So much pain inside of me that I again was running from myself through, you know, exercise and focusing on outward, you know, things. And he suddenly died. And that was such a Wake up, like, again, that wake, that shake up of like everything coming crashing down around you in that point and just being like, what the F. Like, this is like plot twist to the max. Didn't realize, you know, didn't ever foresee that happening. And for me, that was a break point. Like, that was like the camel that, you know, the straw that broke the camel's back. For me, that was like, now you're gonna break down and you're gonna break away. Like, take off all of that, all of that shit you've been carrying, because that's not serving. And I did a bit of that. And I did go in deep a bit. But again, as it happens on the journey, you then start to put some things back on and elude yourself again. And you get caught with the masks again. And you start to think that the journey's outside, external. And so I got caught up in the external world again. And then the next moment was I had done nlp. I had started the journey of wanting to help people and really, you know, diving deep into that quitting pt. And that was a cool start. But then there was like another layer to that and it was like, you know, I went through a breakup. I went through a total identity crisis at that point where I started to realize, I don't know who I am. I don't know who I am separate from my business, which was a huge realization of being like, that's a problem. You do need to know who you are separate from this. If you're leaning on these things to identify yourself with, like, this is not going to work for long, like, long term. And I had moved into my own place. It was the first time I'd ever been alone, like, on my own before too, in total solitude. And when you're on your own, you cannot escape yourself. And I had tried, like, I was going out a lot. I was trying to catch up with whoever, whenever. Like, I was just running so much at that point. And then, would you. Would you believe, you know, my car got broken into, my laptop stolen, my phone stolen, my passport stolen, stolen. I was about to go away to New Zealand a week later. It was like, there are no distractions now. You have to face this. And that was when I remember, like, just sitting in my room in total nothing. And that's when the journey began even deeper. And I started to go fully inward. Like, that was the time I'd fully surrendered to my inward space and gone, okay, I'm ready to go inside. I'm ready to face the demons. And the things I'm afraid of, and I'm ready to feel whatever's coming up. And there was so much shame. There was this huge voice that I had never heard before until that point of silence that was saying, you actually are worthless. You don't mean shit. And to hear that voice so loud like a bell, and to go, fuck, that's a really fucked up thing to have in your mind. Like, that's a fucked up voice to have. And at that point, I'd done a bit of work, so I'm going, you know, I've done heaps of work, you know, and all of us get trapped. And I've done lots of work. I've done this, I've done that. And, you know, I've been, you know, reading these books and listening to these podcasts and blah, blah, blah. But the real work begins when you go into that space to really hear what's there and to go, okay, ego. I'm just going to, like, let you sit down for a second. Let's go inside. And really willing to see what's there. And there was some dark shit, like. Like dark, dark stuff. And that was terrifying. That was like, to. To realize that there is these voices and there is these parts of you that are so in some dark, messy shit that you haven't realized until you've been slow enough to find out. It's very overwhelming. But there was something in me is like, you need to go through this. Like, you cannot progress in your life now until you do this. And I feel a lot of people get to that point.

And.

And for me, I took myself in that journey, which is very different. So it was like going in with meeting the inner child, seeing the wounded, traumatized parts of me, and actually beginning to take myself from fragmentation back to wholeness. And that was very much about meeting those fragmented parts and going, I see you. And you know what I am here for? You know what? I'm finally here for you. I have been running from you this entire time. I have been rejecting you. I have been neglecting you. I have been abandoning you. Not my parents, not anyone else. I've been abandoning you. And now I'm seeing that. That. That comic debt play out. And it was like, you know what? I need to lean. I. Like, I need to come home now, like, if I'm not willing. And again, I was in my own home, not willing to come home. Such an outward metaphor of what I was doing to myself internally. And it wasn't until that point that that was like my actual breakthrough it was a total, like, de. Identification. It was terrifying. It was messy. I was facing some really wounded weird parts of me that I had never met before. But that was, like. For me, that was a point that changed everything. Like, life got significantly better after that weird phase of liminal void, empty space, you know?

Wow. As you were saying that, I got this whiff of, like, lavender. I don't know where I just came from. Yeah, I love to see some lavender around here, but it was nice because lavender is like, a calming emotion.

Right.

As you said, I'm here for you. I see you. It was like lavender.

A hug of lavender.

Yeah.

Very synchronistic.

And I'm smelling it too.

Yeah. You nailed on. You touched on some really important stuff in that story. And thank you for. Thank you for sharing that. Because a lot of it, that inward journey, like you said, it's about going back and seeing these wounded parts of us that are still hurting and for so long. However old we are, however young we were when we experienced that trauma, a lot of the times it's still in there. And we project this younger version of ourselves outward.

100. Like I like to say, we're still children in big adult meat suits most of the time, playing out our trauma in life, thinking it's new experience.

One of the. One of the toughest things that I've witnessed a few times, a lot of times now with some of the female people that are female clients that I work with or things that I've observed is past trauma around relationships that when it doesn't get healed, just gets projected onto the next one.

Yeah.

And it's this pattern that keeps happening.

And they re traumatize themselves every time.

It fucking hurts me, man. It hurts me because I don't like seeing people getting hurt again. And if you're not aware of why it's happening, you'll be convinced, no, this next person, it's gonna be different.

And you create the story of. Every man is like this. Every man is this way. Every man's a narcissist. Every man's a fucking abuser. Or I'll never find the one, because you know what? I'm not worthy. We always go to that place instead of going, this could be an opportunity. Like, this thing, this theme here keeps knocking at my door. Why? Like, we don't get curious. We go, oh, you know what? It's because I'm not worthy. See, I knew it. I knew I wasn't fucking deserving of that good shit, Right? Instead of going, no, this is a Beautiful opportunity. Like, life is always. You know what we get? Like, we go into that victim mentality of everything's happening to me and wham, My life is shit. And I'm always attracting abusers and narcissist and blah, blah, blah. And, like, life is so generous with us. Life is actually so effing kind. Life actually tries its best to show you what needs healing with your. Like, through showing you life and going, this is your mirror. We're trying to give you the mirror. We're trying to show you. These are the blind spots. And you're going, why is life so fucking terrible to me? Life is, you know, bullying me and pushing me down and all this stuff. And it's like, no, life is. Life is trying so hard to get your attention and to give you the opportunity to heal. And that's so beautiful that life is so persistent with you and so consistent and it's always showing up for you. And we just get so lost in that little victim self, that small self that goes, no, you know, again, it's so convenient to go to that place. It's way more convenient. Yeah, right.

Yeah. We get lost in the pattern that the mind has created around us, avoiding that feeling because we felt it in the past. And we're going to fuck that. I want to feel that again. So we create this identity to keep us safe from feeling that pain.

Yeah.

And then you think, if my personality. Because that's what it is, right? It becomes your personality that is actually only being created because of what I've experienced experience, like, it is only the extension of my trauma, then what I am living right now is a total fucking lie. I am living as a product of that shit, and I am constantly perpetuating more. And I'm stuck in this real, like, you know, what seems like truth, this illusion. I'm in a total illusion. A total. You know, what do they call it when you're in those, like, those rides and it's like you're seeing this, like, fake screen and it's creating this, like. What is that called?

Simulator.

We're in a simulator, but it's not the real life. It's not real life. We're in a simulator of our shit.

Wow. Yeah. I like that analogy a lot. Yeah. So the realization of breakthrough happens when you experience the same simulation a few times. Maybe you get cheated on. You go. And then finally you realize, hey, what the. Maybe it's something inside of me that's creating this pattern that I keep seeing.

Yeah.

And you realize that every time you Feel that emotion of unworthiness, rejection, shame, abandonment.

That was a big one.

Every time that comes up, that's that younger version of you saying, hey, I'm in here. Look at me. I want help.

Help me.

And our pattern in the past is we go out there, I want help from this person. I need you to give me that love and value.

I need to be saved. I need to be fixed.

And what happens when someone comes to you and go, I need you in my life. Give me love. I go, you retract. You go, ah, that's too much. It's too much of me.

Right?

You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's repellent. It's repulsive, like. And not in like a. You're a disgusting human. That energy is repulsive because it's natural instinct to instinctually know in every part of our being that we should not be that for someone. It is our natural reaction to go, ah, no. Because something in us just knows. There's this deep knowing, this deep wisdom that goes, this is not healthy. This is toxic. This is not right. This will not help. But what do we do? A lot of the time we go, don't be silly. You know that person, we then justify. We go into justification. No, but maybe this. So there's those two dynamics. We see the person who's codependent, who needs. I need that person right now because I can't be whole on my own, right? I'm fragmented, I'm traumatized. And I only think that the solution is that person, that one person who can finally see me, whatever. And then on the other side of that, we've got another person who's going, maybe I can fix this person. Maybe I can help them. Maybe I can change them, and they'll finally become who I want them to be. And so we're both trapped in this trauma bond, right? This bond of both of us projecting outwardly our needs onto the other person. And we're getting re traumatized when that person keeps showing up as who we don't like, who we don't want. And we go, why are you showing up this way? I'm trying so hard, and we make it about us. I'm internalizing why this person can't show up for me. Like, I'm not good enough. Like, I'm not doing the right thing, like, why me? And it's like. Isn't it just, like, bizarre that we do that?

Yeah, it's like, too. When it's like a. You're trying to fill a void 100% when you're trying to fill a void from someone else or something.

Yeah.

You're not coming in there already whole. When two holes come together, it creates this like this unison. When two halves come together, it's like you're relying on someone else to make you whole.

And two halves never make a whole. I always say that to my clients. Two halves don't make a whole. You might have been taught that. But two halves don't make a whole. Yeah, they make, they make quarters. It actually goes backwards.

Literally. Yeah. So the, the work, the work really is to break that pattern. To break this pattern. And this is a real work for a lot of. And I like how we're talking about relationships because. Yeah, this keeps coming up for me. A lot of people are struggling with. In relationships. I'm by no means a relationship guru.

But again, you know, relationships are only the extension of self. So. So if we're kind of self aware, there's some sort of relevance to what we know about relationships.

Totally, totally. I'm about the importance of doing the inner work as well as the joint work with your partner. But a lot of people are going into relationships without doing that in a process. And it's resulting in breakdowns and pattern repeats. And they go. Then they get the same problems. Okay, maybe it's his fault.

Blame it.

Yeah.

So the break. The breakthrough for me was when. When the, the trauma, when the, the pain comes up, the blockage comes up, the. The feeling that I don't want to feel comes up. Instead of listening to the old pattern of whatever you. You're replaying.

Yes.

Do this, avoid this, get away from that.

It's.

Go in and look at. Okay. There's something in here that's wanting my attention.

That's a clue.

Yeah, It's a clue to go in.

Yeah.

You know what?

Become the detective.

So what process do you lead people through when. When that's coming up?

Yeah.

And how do they. We spoke about self love before we jumped on this recording. But what, what would that. Because it is a self love.

100%.

Yeah.

Yeah, 100%.

What do you coach and guide people through in that process?

I coach them through a self soothing process. So I like calling it that because again, if you think so, I always break it back to, you know, that that inner child or like the wounded part of you, which is often being traumatized or wounded as a child. Cause that's where it comes from mostly. Right. And what happens is in that moment is again, trauma. Right. Is the result of experiencing distress without Resolve, that is what. Like, that is trauma. It's just distress without resolve. So if you think of that, it creates a very large spectrum, a very large scale of what? Trauma, really. So then you think, well, probably everyone's experienced trauma. Then if it's just distress with that resolve. And so as a child, you've experienced something that's distressing or that feels like you can't. You can't resolve or process Again, as children, we don't even have the faculties really to do that. We rely on our parents to do that for us as children and to teach us that. So if we don't have parents that can do that for us, then we have to internalise that and keep it there. And again, like, trauma's toxic, right? It's like poison. You're meant to smell, spit it back out. But if we don't have resolve, then we ingest it and we keep it in and it ruminates. So it creates that separation, that separation of self, that fragmentation to stay safe. Again, if I avoid this pain, I separate out from it, I will be safe. But what happens is we separate out from part of ourselves. So we then become fragmented instead of whole. And what we're needing in those moments is soothing. We're needing resolve. So it can be so simple. And this is what people don't understand. Like, again, the mind wants complexity. The mind wants this crazy, dramatic solution to their problem. And what it really is simply is, okay, I'm going through this thing. I'm aware enough now to notice my trigger. Oh, that person's really triggered that thing in me. And I'm getting whatever's coming up. Maybe you don't know exactly what's coming up, but you're, like, feeling this closed tension. You're feeling it in the body. Maybe you feel it in your gut. You feel it somewhere. It's so visceral, right? And if you're aware enough to go, okay, this is true. Even if you react, it's okay. But to go back later when you have time, and to go, okay, that thing that came up today, what was that about? Maybe journal about it. Like, see if you can unpack it a bit. Where's that coming from? For me? Has that happened before? What did it really, like, what did that feel like? When that person said that thing, what did it feel like? Did it feel like rejection? Did it feel like shame? Did it feel like unworthiness? Like, what did that trigger for me? And again, you might not be able to unpack that completely. That's okay. But going okay, am I able to meet this part of myself right now? Can I just. Can I just simply meet this part of me instead of going, because what we do is we go into shame, self shaming and self berating and judgment. I can't believe I did that. Oh, my God, I'm such a bad person. I'm a bad person. Something wrong with me. That's shame. We go into shame pits all the time instead of doing that going, okay, I've done this for a reason. It's part of my programming. So in some ways it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility. It's my responsibility to take this on and go, this is about me. If the button is there to be pressed, then it's my button. I got to deal with that button. It's not the person's fault because they pressed it. I've got the button there. It's right out on display, right? So then it's about going, okay, can I just close my eyes right now? Where's the part of me that feels most wounded right now? Can I call it in? Can I see it in my mind's eye right now? Where's the child of me that feels abandoned right now? If you can notice that, is it abandonment? Where's the part of me that feels most unworthy or not enough right now? Close your eyes. Where is it? Like, can you see it? And you might actually be so surprised at what you see. You might see, like, a little girl or a boy, or you might see just a part of you that is, like, stooping and feels, you know, low or whatever. And it doesn't matter what you see. It's really not. It doesn't matter. But then, okay, my mind's out. Can I. Can I meet this part of me? Because again, fragmentation is. I'm not willing to meet. I'm going to avoid it, reject it, deny it, abandon it. So what if we were to go, okay, can I meet this part of me? Hey, I see you. I see your pain. You know I'm here, right? Simple stuff like this is not rocket science. Simple stuff, hey, and then can I give this part of me love? Because again, if I can know enough to go, this part of me is wounded. This part of me might have experienced something that it wasn't prepared for, it wasn't able to resolve. How can I bring love? Because that's all I need. I just need love. Love is the answer. So if I go in and I go, okay, what words of love and kindness can it offer this part of Me right now because it's wounded. It's just in pain. It's in trauma. You know what? Don't worry. It's going to be okay. Like, just soothing words. Like, they go a long way. And then, you know, is there advice or something? I'd give that part of me, you know, don't worry about it. Like, don't take that so personally.

Like, you're being a parent.

You're like, imagine self parenting.

Yeah. How would you treat a wounded child? You go up and give them a hug. Hey, it's all good.

Don't worry about it. We still love you. And that's the resolve we lack. A lot as children is when we go into that shame space when we're told off or when we get. When we experience that distress, what we're meant to have on the other side of that is a parent that goes, sweetheart, you're not a bad person. We still love you, and it's okay. You just can't do that thing or whatever. And that's resolving that distress completely. And the child goes, I feel soothed. I feel better. Cool. We're good. But if we don't get that, then what? So this is now your opportunity. You have to go back and be that parent now. You have to go back and soothe those parts of you. And again, the ego goes, well, why do I have to do that? I didn't do. It wasn't my fault. No, it wasn't. But this isn't the way things work. Right? This isn't the. You know, again, like, we get into these bonds with our parents. Like they owe us and we owe them. They gave birth to us, so somehow we owe them something. And then, you know, and then they feel obliged to us, too. And it's like this weird bond where we feel obligated to each other. And it's like, why? You know, why? Yeah, they gave birth to us. But, like, again, we go through, like, why was I born by that person? You know, Like. Like it's some like or poor me story.

Yeah.

You know, and again, like, your parents just did the best they could. And maybe that was a shit job. But again, like, it's your. Your life now, your responsibility. No one can give you that but you. Not even your parents. At the end of the day, you know, that's where the real healing comes in. Like, that's where that wholeness and resolve and reconnection, that coming home to self comes into play. Like, that's as simple as it needs to be. Can I just sit with myself? In this and soothe it. Because again, we carry through the same pattern. We're taught. If I was taught that my parents don't give me love when I'm feeling that distress and doesn't give me resolve, then I get taught, don't give yourself resolve. Don't go in. Don't give yourself love in moments where you're feeling distressed because you weren't given it. So you don't think it's your pattern.

Right. That was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. Thank you for articulating it the way you just did.

Yeah.

Because that, that really. That's it. That's it.

That can be that simple.

And the same thing goes for any pattern, whether it's. If you find yourself asking, I just want a man who can love and support me. I just want someone who can listen to me and do things with me or be with me. Well, let's ask that question to yourself first.

Hundred percent.

Can I love and support myself? Can I be with myself? Yeah, I care for myself.

Yeah.

How am I showing up in that space right now?

Yeah, 100%, honestly. And it could be going back to the 19 year old version of you who got cheated on and felt that anger and shame and betrayal and being with that part of her and being like, hey, it's okay. Yeah, it's all right to feel what you felt. He shouldn't have treated you like that. But it's okay to be feeling what you felt.

Yeah, it's warranted, it's valid, it's okay.

But if you experience an early trauma like that, we get cheated on. That's. It's, it's deep. And yeah, back when we're young, we don't know how to process that. That process that stuff like I'm just gonna go out party and, and have sex with more people, get away from this.

Validate my ego, stroke myself, you know?

Yeah. It's that relationship, relationship with ourselves that we never fully develop, which again, for me, that's, that's. I experienced a form of that. We've spoken about this in the past, like forms of sexual trauma that sometimes you can get put through where you start blaming yourself and saying, why am I not good enough?

Holding things.

Yeah, that shame. I'm not enough.

And for a while I've been working through that because I noticed it kept coming up and it was through what I chose to believe my worthiness was based on my ability to perform, which resulted in me feeling not good enough.

And then anxious. Anxious and then fucking tense. And that's probably the worst space to be in when you're having sex with.

Someone you love, particularly as a man.

Yeah, right.

And it becomes a down.

That is a down.

Yeah, for sure. So that was again, going back inward. Okay. What part of me thinks that my level of worthiness is determined upon my ability to satisfy someone or man. And it was, it was a big. It was a powerful big shift. But not a lot of people are talking about that because it's taboo. Wants to say how like, you know, this is what I'm struggling with in the bedroom type thing, but a little as a young lad, that's something I went through. I remember. Yeah.

How many men and women base their worth in the bedroom and also feel like that's the only place they can source their needs from their partner? If I don't give this, then what I won't receive if I can't, like again, it's like it becomes this real entwined, funny, mixed, weird dynamic when we're not in tune with that.

Big time. Big time. Particular. Those guys.

100%.

A lot of guys base. They base their level of masculinity, their strength, their power in that. I embedded 20 girls on the weekend, like, whatever that is. But it's.

It's that significant. It's like, I know I can please my woman or whatever. You know, it's like, yeah, you know what? I'm a man, I can do this.

Exactly.

And it is satisfying.

Right?

Yeah. But it becomes dysfunctional when it's like who our worthiness is based on that.

Yeah.

Our level of love is based on.

I can only love myself when.

Yeah, right.

Conditional love. Only when I can perform in this way and please that person in that way can I then give myself love. Isn't that so? We like make self love so hard for ourselves because we base it on all these hoops we have to jump through first before receiving. And how does that then flow into. It flows into everything. Because it means then I can't receive money until I jump through. Through these hoops. And I can't receive this thing until I do this thing because we're constantly putting conditions on receiving.

Nailed it. It's literally like when I no longer need money, I'll get money. When I no longer need love from anyone else, I'll get love comes. It's the abundance comes when you discover all.

You're not in scarcity. Right.

It's all inside of you.

100%.

Damn. I want to. I want to bring up the topic of something we were speaking about before. Because right now we're in a time recording this podcast. You know, Australia is going through some really bad bushfires on the east coast. It's making global news.

Yeah.

Lots of people are reaching out to me from around the world saying, hey, you know, prayers with Australia, it's a big time because it's sparking a lot of conversation as a Spartan, sparking a lot of outward blame on climate change. Or we should be doing more of this. This is why it's happening. And you brought up such a really powerful point before and I, and I'm curious to get to know for you to share what you shared with me before, because it was really powerful.

I mean, you know, and, and I really give credit, I want to give credit first to Angela Gallo first as well, because even though I knew this on a deep level again, her saying it on her, like, live other day on Instagram, it reminded me and I was like, of course, duh. Like, the world is our mirror, it is our reality is also what's in here and in here. So if this is what's being manifested out there, then what the hell is going on inside? And again, we're seeing on a global scale the manifestation of what we're not willing to do with ourselves. If we think about, okay, this problem is about climate change. Well, what's our internal climate like? What are we actually dealing with internally, first and foremost? Because that's what's driving every action and reaction here that's actually affecting our world and our planet. It's on a deep level, like, right, this is happening on a micro level and we're seeing it then on a macro manifestation level. Like, again, you know, we are being, we're being toxic to ourselves at the moment. We're in a hyper passive, like, consuming thing. We're in this real hunger. Like the beast is being fed at the moment. You know, the beast is alive. And, and we are seeing that manifestation in the fires. And again, what we're. It's so convenient to rush out and go, oh my God. And to bind to the drama. We love the drama. We actually thrive off drama in the world. Yes. There's something I can grasp onto and hold onto right now so I can again conveniently avoid myself here in this. I can make it the government's fault, I can make it that person's fault who didn't do a burn off, and I can make it this. And I went into that for a little bit too, until I was like, no, this is about inside. Right. And we're missing that Point constantly we are missing. Like, this is a beautiful Also again, the knock at the door to say hello. If this is triggering you, it's for a reason. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up. Look at what's happening as a manifestation of you not willing to go inside. You're not willing to accept yourself. You're not willing to see yourself. You're not willing to even give love to yourself. You are basing who you are in your identity on the outside world. And look what's happening. It's on fire. Is that not enough of a mirror to say you're on fire inside Right now your internal structure is going down just like the government structure, you know, and we're not willing to again, we're so, you know, we're so obsessed with being with externalizing our shit. We're so obsessed with it. We're so obsessed with running out. And you know what the irony of it is? Like, we've been running out for so long that we're running out of time now to run in. And I feel like we are hitting that emergency point where you are at. Again, we wait, like, why is it as humans, we wait till catastrophe to change. Like, again, personally, on that micro level, we're waiting for someone to die. We're waiting for us to get cancer, we're waiting for us to get chronically ill before we wake up to the music and go, what have I been doing my whole life? Oh, my God. I haven't once gone inward. Now I better start. And again, we're seeing it on a global scale. Oh, my God. Now everything's in turmoil. Now let's change. Like, it's the mirror here of what we're not willing to do. And we're seeing it on that global scale. We're seeing our unwillingness to rise up to the call to, you know, to the occasion that is ourselves. This is us rising up to the occasion of ourselves is rising up to the occasion of the planet, you know, and if we're not willing to rise up, the occasion that is us first, because that's where it starts, then we cannot serve the planet. We cannot serve other people. And people are missing that. I want my purpose to be out there. It's this. I gotta find it. I gotta run. I gotta keep chasing that dangly carrot. It's inside, you know, and beautiful. Alan Watts been banging on about that since the 60s. And we're still not getting it, you know, We've still let it get to this point. And he was banging on about how we're at a crucial point in the 60s. We're at a crucial point. We've been at a crucial point forever, you know, and it's like we have to get to that break point to then finally realize, oh, I better make a change. But the sad thing is that because it's now happening on such a global level, on such an Earth planet level, are we too late now? Has the momentum picked up too much now again? Are we too chronically ill inside? Are we too chronically sick in our minds and in our emotional bodies and our mental body, physical body, soul bodies that we're too late? The momentum's too fast now? Is that what we're facing?

Because I still think there's this idea that I'm making a difference. If I donate 10 bucks to the wildlife in Australia.

Yeah.

Which, yeah, don't get me wrong, it's awesome. I saw it on Facebook, you know, $31 million.

I love that. And that's great, you know, it's great that people are coming together. We're seeing the power of community. We're seeing the power of coming together. We're seeing the power that your one little drop in the ocean actually matters. And imagine if we then took that again. Like, why is it we have to wait till a fucking fire to start contributing to the world and the planet? You know, why is it that it has to be a catastrophe to then go, oh, I better help. I better rise up. You know why?

But we're forgetting that the best form of contribution or help you can do is. Yeah, if you still want to invest your money, great, but invest some time back in. That's the real.

What about the donation to self? Contribute to yourself.

Damn, that's it. That's the real difference that you make.

And we are so good at putting money outside. Like, we're so good at spending money on other stuff. But when it comes to spending money on the real stuff, on the stuff that's really gonna make change not just in 10 weeks, but for the rest of our lives. Oh, no, that's too much money. Oh, no, I can't afford that. I've got too many bills. Can you afford not to? That's my question now. Like, can we really afford not to? Like, look at the world. Can we afford not to? And, you know, we were saying before, it's so easy for us because we're in this echo chamber of game changers, you know, we're seeing so many amazing people stepping up and rising up and trying their best and doing their bit, and it's amazing and I love that. But we get caught in that because we follow everyone in that space and so we think the whole world is that. But you know, as you know, I heard the study the other day, like 1% of the people on Instagram right now are actually contributing. 1% are actually contributing and making content. That's 1%. We're part of 1%. 90% are passively consuming. Passive. So again, like I always say, how we do one thing, how we do everything. If you want. If 90% of our population right now is passively consuming on the Internet, they're also passively consuming in their lives. They're being passive with themselves. They're letting life happen to them. Rather than taking ownership and controlling the wheel and taking the wheel of life in their own hands, they're being passive. And that's a big. That's a problem. Whether it's 90%, 80% or 70%, that's a big, big, big portion of the population who's being passive right now with their rights, with their voice, with themselves. And again, that's a big portion of our population that is projecting and externalizing what's real, you know?

Yeah. It's a wake up call because I just come back from North America, Toronto, New York, big cities and it's, it's ginormous us to see the mass consumption, the consumptionist economy out there where people are projecting, completely unaware of.

Yeah.

What's actually going on inside of them and how that is affecting what's going on outside of them. And yeah, really, we're at a point where the, the alarm clock's getting louder.

Yeah. Yeah.

The echoes get louder. Right. Until we wake up. The echoes will get louder, the catastrophes will get worse till we wake up. Like. Yep. Just like in real life. Like, you'll keep getting worse abuse until you wake up. What the fuck is wrong with, like, what's going on?

Honest to God. Right.

The echoes get louder and they're getting louder. They're getting real loud right now.

What's happening is the people who keep, don't keep ignoring the noise. The world is going to be separated.

Yeah.

Into the ones that experience the suffering.

Yep.

And then the ones who wake up from the pain.

Yeah. Yeah.

So there's gonna be a big separation that's about to unfold and then you got two, you got two options.

Yeah. Yeah.

Say no. I'm, I'm done with, I'm done with this. No. No more, no more of this pain.

Sink or swim.

Yeah.

Sink or swim. Like basics. Sink or swim. Survival.

Don't swim. Sink or swim. And we now know that it's. It's back in.

Yeah.

For so long it's been out there.

Yeah.

That's the problem. That's what I gotta fix. That's what I got to do.

And again, we're so obsessed with symptoms. Let's fix the symptom. Let's band aid the symptom. No, no. Let's not go to the root cause. Let's not go to the real reason these symptoms occurring. Let's just band aid that. Let's just smooth that over again. Why are these fires actually occurring? That's the symptom of a very deep problem. Well, sad Micro, Global. Same. Same.

Yeah. We're burning on the inside. Most people are burning on the inside.

Yeah.

Yeah. And it's only our love that's gonna put it out.

Yeah. Yeah.

As like, cliche as that may sound, it is like it's the essential truth. Literally, it's the only truth.

But we're stuck in a society that convinces us that it's all out there.

I mean, look, our economy thrives off empty people. Our economy thrives off people that are in pain and traumatized. Like, people. Like, the economy actually thrives on traumatized individuals. Like, they really do. If you think about it, like, how much do we spend money? Because we're trying to fill that internal void. We consume obsessively because there's something inside missing. Right. That's why we're doing it anyway. Like, we're in this constant hunger and feed frenzy for something that can satiate this empty feeling within. And that's what, like, you know, the economy thrives off that if people were to wake up and if people were to realize, oh, my God, it's all within me, that would be so bad for the economy. Right. We'd have a total restructure, like a social restructuring, economical restart. Like, everything would be restructured from that place. So it serves the society that we're living in, the paradigm that we're living in. It serves the government and all of that head people to keep us in that trauma, to keep us in our wounded space. To keep us in that empty space. They thrive off it. And people don't realize that. They don't realize they're actually caught in a little game. They're playing the game and they don't even realize they're in it. They're buying into it constantly and they think they're separate. And again, we get on our white horses and carry on about, you know, there's this happening, and everyone's not, you know, everyone's fucking using plastic and this and that. Again, we're on our white horses, but are we looking inside? Are we doing the work to accept ourselves and love ourselves and see ourselves? Because if not, what the f is the point in just making white noise? We're just adding to the problem. We're actually not creating a solution. And we think we're helping by standing on our white horses and shouting about this and that and advocacy for this and that. But again, if you're shouting that and you're not whole in here, then it's hypocrisy. Like, you are contributing and you are actually, you're lying to. You're cheating yourself here, and you are. Your ego is convincing you very well that you're doing your bit and that, you know, you're doing a good job. You know, stroke that ego. You know, look at you. You're. You're contributing so much. But where's the inner work? You know? And again, like, I'm not saying that's everyone, because there's a lot of people. Again, props and shout out to all the people doing the work and trying so hard and trying their best and going inside and, you know, healing all the past and blah, blah, blah, and integrating the shadow and all of those things and being an advocate for something and using their voice and using their social media for good. But there's also a high majority of people that are getting trapped in the ego and going, well, I'm doing this so I can avoid this, and I'm justified to not go inside because look at all the work I'm doing out here. But is there a difference? No, there's no difference.

Because I sense maybe that's the time. Maybe it's time to rustle a few feathers.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? If you're watching this getting triggered. Good.

Yeah, let's rustle feathers.

Yeah.

This is confronting because I even feel I'm getting. I'm going to my edges here.

Yeah.

Because I'm speaking about things that, you know, it's radical.

Yeah. Because it's the same.

It's out there.

So people could be watching the YouTube videos, put on the podcast. Let's listen to Yasmin and Jordan so I don't have to listen to what's going on inside of me.

How can I distract myself?

And that's what happens. We'll distract themselves with this kind of content.

Yeah.

The, you know, tick the box of podcast.

Today I'm doing A good thing.

But maybe that's what you should do after this. Do the work. Yeah, you've listened to it, great. That's one step.

Yeah, step one is do the work. Because again, like, awareness is this first step. Yes, we want to bring awareness. I love that you're getting more aware and self aware and blah, blah, blah. But if you don't, then take that awareness into embodied change, you're still stuck and you're still in the problem, right? So we, we have to find a way to embody that awareness and take it into. And again, I'm going to say another fucking radical thing here, but why not, right? We're on it. We're on the, we're on the, we're on the ride right now. So let's ride this wave. But we're also seeing this massive gap in the mental health space too. Heaps of awareness. Not a lot of how do I actually change? No one's teaching anyone how to swim. And that's again a blanket statement. There are a lot of people that are, but a large majority are still stuck in the paradigm of I'll help you get awareness, I'll help you unpack things and realize why this is happening, but I'm not going to actually tell you what to do to change. And people are going, ah, I still feel disempowered. I'm still codependent on my therapist or whoever because I'm not empowered with the tools to change my own life right now. I don't know how to swim in my life. I keep drowning and someone keeps pulling me onto dry land, but I keep relying on that person to pull me on to dry land. So I'm disempowered and I'm codependent. And this is again, the structure that perpetuates everything that we're seeing in the world. And it's a problem. It's a real problem. And again, who the f am I to say this? I'm not a clinical therapist, I'm an alternative therapist, right? And so, you know, I don't have that big shiny degree that says, you know, blah, blah, blah, but I've been working in this field and I've worked with hundreds of people that are coming to me because of this problem. They've worked for 15 years in the field of clinical mental health and they still don't have the answer, how do I swim? No one's taught me I'm still drowning. Help. And they internalize that and think it's something wrong with them. And this is the problem people, if you're watching this and you feel like you're struggling, you've been struggling for years, and you keep going to people, you keep trying your best, and no one's giving you that tool to swim. Don't shame yourself for that. You're trying your best, but no one's teaching you how to swim. That's a problem. So if you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, actually, you know what? I keep drowning, then please reach out to one of us, to be honest, because we know how to swim. We again, go to people who have scaled the mountain of themselves so that you can scale your mountain. If you're not going to people who have scaled their own mountain, which, let me tell you, a lot of therapists out there, this is no disrespect. A lot of therapists are still escaping themselves by helping others. That's an avoidance strategy. Right. So if people haven't scaled their own mountain, they can't help you scale yours. Like, people can only take you as deep as they've taken themselves. And if you've taken yourself pretty deep, you're going to wake up to this thing that there's a gap here in this. This paradigm, and I may need to shift what I'm doing.

There's some deep truth here, man.

Yeah, it's on my heart at the moment. Hey, it's really.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing all that. That's some real truth. And I hope that. I hope the right people receive that.

Yeah.

And if you're receiving that, you're like, yep. Damn. That's. That's what I need right now. I need someone to show me how to switch swim because I'm tired of drowning. I've drowned too many times.

Yeah.

It's exhausting. And it's. And it. And it beats you down every time you drown again. You think, I failed. I failed myself. I failed life. You go into that total place of powerlessness.

Yeah. Yeah. I love you.

I love you, too.

Where can people learn more about you, digest more of your content? Where can they connect with you online?

Look, the best place is my Instagram again. Yasmin, that's Y a S M I n no e underscore. Eve. Eve. I share so much content all the time on my Instagram. You can just. You can passively consume. If you want to be that perv in a white van, looking at my content, never engaging, that's fine. It's okay. I see you. I know you're there lurking or, you know again. If you want to. If you. If you look on the page and you resonate, like, this woman is speaking my language or this. It's hitting something inside of me that hasn't been hit before, then I really encourage you to reach out. I encourage you to just explore what that thing is, because that could really change your life. Follow the calling, follow the nudges. Follow that pull to, like, if you're resonating, that's a good sign. Follow what you resonate with. Follow that path, because it's your soul guiding you. You and, like, tune in, you know, and then we can help you. Then I can tell you how to swim.

I can't express that enough. If you're listening to this and this and this stuff is resonating, empowering. You keep going, Keep the momentum going and keep having these conversations and keep.

Reminding yourself, catch yourself. Every time you go out far outside and go, oh, it's this person. It's this thing. It's. Hang on a minute. Have I gone inside? No. All right, go inside. What is this? You know?

Yeah.

Every time.

Yeah.

It's constant journey.

Yeah. And if that's. If that's what we can leave people with, then I really feel like that's the change that's gonna make a difference.

Yeah.

And it's the contribution.

It's not about being perfect. It's not about perfectly nailing your shit. It's not about perfectly being, like a self development guru. That's not what it's about. Like, we still have our blind spots. We all do. And this is the thing. If you reach out to someone who's in this field, they can help you see the blind spots. They can help you bring that what's, you know, unclear to the light so you can transcend it.

Because you can't do it alone, man.

You can't. You can't. You are so good at concealing things from yourself. You're so good at running from yourself. Like, we all are. I. You know, and that's why I surround myself with people who can call me up and out, because I know I've got blind spots. I'm not perfect. Far from it. Right? Human as fuck. And I own that, you know, Very messy human, just like everyone. But I'm just more willing to dance with that.

Yeah. It's a dance.

It's a dance.

Such a dance, mate. Thank you so much. This has been really amazing. It's really amazing. It's been so good to receive it.

It's been one of my favorites.

Yeah, likewise. And we're gonna, we're gonna keep this going. There's gonna be a lot more of content that we create together.

Yeah.

So I'm excited to share.

Stay tuned, guys. We've got you back. We got you back in this time.

We do couple Perth locals sharing some wisdom out here. Thank you so much for joining us. It's been a pleasure. And yeah, we'll see you in the next episode.

Thanks for having me.

Well, guys, there we have it. Thank you so much. I hope you took something away from this episode and if you did, if you resonated with the conversation we were having and you want to take this deeper, you want to, you want to dive deeper into some of these topics and really start to identify where these blind spots are, then message either me ateshifters or Yasmin Yasmine on Instagram or you can find us on Facebook. Dim, whatever. Just drop us a DM because we're always open and willing and ready to hold space for you to go deeper because this is the real work. And please share this with someone, share this with someone who you feel needs to hear this and then we can just keep this momentum going. So thank you for joining us and we'll see you in the next episode.

The present is the only real time. There is no past, and there isn't a future, and there never will be. We think ordinarily of the present as an infinitesimal point at which the future changes into the past. And we also do a terrible thing. We imagine ourselves to be results of the past. But the truth of the matter is, it all begins here. This is where the creation begins.