SSP 095: Weekly Lesson - Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

Hey, what's going on, guys? It's Jordan Kanlis here, speaker, coach and founder of State Shifters. And you're listening to the State Shifters Podcast, a show designed to help conscious achievers master their internal state and break free from the limiting patterns that are keeping them stuck. So you can live a life of passion, purpose and freedom. And on this podcast, you're going to receive everything you need to evolve physically, emotionally, spiritually. And you're going to be getting the tools, the strategies, the live coaching interviews, all, all from conscious creators who are also living their purpose and leaving their mark on the world. And really, it's my belief that we're all capable of greatness. And once we have the courage to own our pain and learn the lessons from our past, we can create a future built around our purpose. And my intention with this show is to really give you the resources you need to help to tap into your unique soul mission and really live life from a beautiful state of being. So with that being said, if you want more tools, resources or guidance in your journey, head head on over to stateshifters.com if you want to join my free Facebook community, you can click the link in the show description. And if you're interested in getting help from me or some mentoring, if you want to accelerate your evolution and move beyond these limiting patterns that are holding you back, feel free to drop me an email jordanstateshifters.com or you can head on over to the website stateshifters.com workwithme and we can tee up a call. So without further ado, guys, enjoy. Take a today's episode. Welcome to the State Shifters Podcast, a show dedicated to helping you discover your true potential through connecting the mind, body and soul. Guys, what's going on? I've been looking forward to jumping on here and sharing this live today. And it's been a little while since I've done a live reason being just been going into my. Into my zone, reflecting, absorbing, receiving insights. And now I'm ready to jump back online and just share everything with you guys. And before I dive into today's topic, I want to just acknowledge whoever's listening to this, if you're tuning in, if you're tuning into the replay, or if you're listening on the podcast. I just want to say it really means a lot having you on here really is really powerful to yourself if you're tuning into this type of content and you're on this journey. So I just want to honor you and express my gratitude for you being on Here I've titled today's live know yourself, know your worth. It's one of my favorite lyrics from Drake in his song Time. In which song? But it's a great lyric because it really exemplifies everything that we are taking on when we go into a personal development journey, right? We're trying to understand ourselves better. We're trying to go inward and really develop a relationship with ourselves. And for me, recently, as I've been coaching a lot of people and as I create content, I just start to see patterns and I start to see what the main thing is that people struggle with or the main thing that blocks people from being able to receive or take action on their dreams. So that being said, the main thing that blocks us from, from having whatever it is that we want to achieve in life is our own ability to realize our own potential, which is our self worth. Do we feel like we're good enough to achieve that? Do we have the belief systems that's going to allow us to actually take the action and execute? Do we expect to be able to create the life we want? You know, sometimes we can consciously say that we've got what it takes, or consciously we say, yeah, yeah, I can do this, but if there's a subconscious program back there that's telling you you're not good enough, or, or there's a subconscious program that says, hey, I'm not smart enough, I don't look good enough, or you should play small, you shouldn't do that. You should just procrastinate. There's these subconscious programs that we're not even aware of that are keeping us playing small. So a lot of the coaching work that I'm doing is a lot of the work that I've received on myself that I'm about to share with you along this journey. Is that revealing what's in the dark, bringing to light what's in the dark? So that whatever impediments, whatever blockages that are stopping me from being my full self, we can bring it up and look at it and at all times, it's always fear. There's a relationship with fear that gets created within us in the first seven years of our life. Okay? So when we grow up, you know, you see babies, babies aren't afraid of anything. Little kids, they're not afraid of anything. Every time I see a little toddler running around, they're doing crazy shit. They're not afraid, right? So it's during that time where we start to develop a relationship with fear based on how we observe Our parents relations react to fear. So we as kids, we see our parents get really afraid and then we take on that fear, we go, oh shit, maybe I should be feeling this too. Like the kid reacts to the way the parent reacts. So that initial relationship with fear is built into the system. It's hardwired into the program of your nervous system, right? So as we evolve, we've got these like emotional wounds that start to get built inside of us as we start to get told off for doing things wrong, whatever the fuck that means. And then the fear gets installed in our nerve system. And until we get to the point when our mind has developed conceptually, which is usually around 7 years of age, when you start to go to school, your mind has, has developed the ability to create stories or beliefs around these wounds that are inside your nervous system, okay? All based on fear. So the fear hard wiring from 0 to 7 and then the story and the beliefs that get adopted around the wounds in the body so start to happen. So what the fascinating thing around all of this is because the universe or nature of life is constantly trying to bring you the people, places and opportunities to help you let go of or to help you rewire this stuck fear energy in you. It will bring you people that trigger any fear based energy. So any point in your life, if you realize that I'm feeling really stuck or upset or let down or angry or someone triggers me or something doesn't go my way and it brings up fear energy, just know that that's life giving you another opportunity for you to rewire your relationship with fear. And another way we can call that, is you getting an opportunity to connect back with your inner child who's still really upset about something that happened to him when he was four years old, right? So it's life constantly giving you whatever it is that you need so that you can rewire the fear that's still inside you. So this is where the self worth comes in and this is where a lot of us get tripped up along our journeys. Because when we develop the stories around what we feel, which says, oh, you know, I'm not good enough, or we go to school and someone embarrasses us, someone humiliates us, we, we get rejected, we don't get selected for the soccer team and we create all these stories around why we're not worthy, what happens then is our mind will develop all these protective mechanisms. They're like protective layers the mind creates up here so that you don't have to ever go in and feel that pain. Again, and these protective mechanisms have a bunch of behaviors that are tied to them. Those behaviors might be, let's just like play small, take the safe route so we never have to feel that shame again. And let's go down the path of like let's doing what our mom and dad tell us and we'll become an accountant and we'll work a 9 to 5 job. In case you don't know my story, that's what I used to be used to being an accountant. And you go down this path of like living a life to protect yourself from ever having to come up against your edges, Remember having to really stand out and be seen because you don't want to go back in and face that pain. The self worth journey, the self confidence journey, you becoming your fullest expression requires you to identify where in your life are you most afraid? Where do I hold the most fear? What does, what scares me the most? Because behind there, that is where the most opportunity to connect back with love is available. Because that's where the biggest block is holding you. So for me, and I wanted to share a story about how, how this kind of like transpired for me in my life and I started to come to these understandings was what happens, right? And the first three energy centers, the first three chakras, your root chakra, your sacral and your solar plexus, this is where the energy gets stuck in those first kind of formative years of our emotional development. Because that's when, when you feel unstable, when you feel unsafe, when someone puts you down, when you get upset, or when someone really triggers or upsets you at that young age, the energy gets really trapped in those areas. And what happens is, you know, these areas are responsible for like our confidence, our self expression, sacral chakras, like our ability to feel pleasure, ability to, to really be anchored and grounded in the earth. That's the root chakra. And when these, when these areas are blocked, we miss out on so much like pleasure and depth of our experience. So what happens then is, especially when there's this shame trauma which for myself there was some shame trauma that I have been carrying around for a long time. And I realized that it was trapped in my solar plexus and it was cutting me off from really being able to open my heart, really being able to channel my fullest expression. So I was a really shy kid growing up. I still am quite introverted, but like growing up through school, I didn't speak up a lot. I was really, I never really asked questions and I hated Public speaking. I hated having to address the class. And this like shyness, like really, you know, it haunted me sometimes because I was like my face would go really red about to speak in front of everyone. And what actually I noticed what would happen was life would constantly give me scenarios where it would be like inviting me to step into that fear or it would bring me someone who would just trigger this unworthiness that was in me or just trigger the. This feeling of smallness that I was carrying around in me. And I remember one time, cause I used to play soccer a semi professional level here in Perth. I loved playing soccer growing up and I played a lot, a lot of soccer. And I got selected in some really high level teams. And there was this one team that I was playing in and the coach was very aggressive, very angry, very authoritarian. And he called me out one time on the field and I'll never forget like making a mistake on the field. And he came over to me, he started swearing at me and he started to put me down. What the fuck are you doing? What's your problem? Like literally like personalized dig at me. And I remember in that moment the heaviness of that trauma because it stuck with me. It stuck. I still remember the memory of that. And that's how you kind of get to know like if you still have memories of certain things that happened to you in the past and you go, why do I still remember that? Chances are there was like a strong emotional reaction or emotional response in your body which is hardwired that memory in you. And in this scenario for me, it was like this solar plexus. Oh, it's like a pit in my gut that just like pulled me down. I just wanted to hide. I just wanted to hide and just like not show up. And after experiencing that, receiving that I remember even outside of soccer, I just wanted to hide. I didn't want to like speak up and be confident. My confidence was shot. And that followed across into everything at school and all other areas. Now because I wasn't aware in that moment, I was still quite young, I tried to distract and not go into that feeling. I did not want to feel that that was horrible. So I would just like distract like what any kid would do. You go onto YouTube, watch TV, on your phone, whatever. But this is what happens if you keep doing this over time for the rest of your life and you never actually go in and face and feel the intensity of that emotion, that maybe something happened to you in the past or maybe life is giving you more opportunities now. To go in and feel and process all these stuck emotions. The opportunity to move beyond what's, what's holding you back, which is, what's more lowering your self worth, which is cutting you off from your confidence, is the avoidance, the numbing and the distracting. Okay, let me repeat that. Avoidance, numbing, distracting. So when these intense emotions come up, and I'm not saying this is easy because for me at that time it was, I wasn't ready to go in and feel all of that heaviness from my past. Now, that was just one scenario where I'd been triggered and that wound and being reactivated. But that wound had been reactivated with multiple times throughout my evolution that that wound was constantly being reactivated because life was trying to say, hey, there's a part of you down there that's still hurting. There's a part of you down here that just wants to be reassured that he is good enough, that he is the best, that he is loved. That's all life was trying to show me there. And life shows you this by just bringing you different people in this. In one scenario it was the coach. In another scenario it was, it was the boss. In another scenario it was my dad and all these people showing up that were triggering this wound in my solar plexus. Because life is trying to say, hey, this needs attention and it needs love from you. Okay? So you can look at the people in your life who upset you, trigger you, who maybe listen situations that upset you and trigger you and see them as messengers, their life's messengers. There's nothing personal in what they're saying or doing. You know, if we just go, oh, okay, they're trying to show me something inside. It's another opportunity. They're actually a gift, they're actually a blessing. What an amazing perspective shift. When you look at all the people in your life that piss you off and you start to thank them because they've triggered something in you that needs love. And I've actually given you another opportunity to go deeper within yourself. What an amazing perspective shift. Right? That's the path we're choosing to walk here. That's the intention we're choosing to set that everything that comes into my world is here as a gift and a blessing for me to come more in connection with myself. So with that all being said, the self worth, self development journey, you know, if you're trying to channel your expression, if you've got a big goal you're trying to hit, or if you want to show up more powerfully online, maybe you're starting A business. And you want to start to build this business, you're going to come up against this resistance. You're going to come up against this resistance to fear. At the root of it's the resistance to fear. On top of it, we've got guilt, shame, anxiety, we've got all these layers stacked on top of this underlying resistance to fear. So as you peel back these layers, we first just must say to ourselves, I'm okay feeling this, right? Think about how, how, how big of a shift that is. Instead of us saying, I'm just gonna keep working so I don't have to feel any of this unworthiness that's down there. I'm just gonna keep, keep hammering it out. I'm never gonna slow down so I don't have to feel any of this. The solution is out there. Most people think the solution is out there. Okay, so the full switch, the full, like the self worth part of this journey is so critical because most people, including myself, are running around with a little child in them that just wants to be reassured that he's doing a fucking good job. And I can guarantee you no amount of money, no amount of likes on social media, no amount of friends, no amount of love relationships can give you that sense of satisfaction, can give you that sense of worthiness. Nothing out there can give it to you. So take this message. If you're on here listening to this, realize that every single thing that you've been avoiding or every single thing you know you should be doing more of but have been avoiding because you afraid of how you might feel, behind those things is the direct path back to love, back to yourself, and back to the confidence and self worth that you've been chasing. And if you can go in with that perspective and lens to know that, hey, if something comes up in me along this path, if I share something on social media and someone goes, yo, Jordan, what the hell? What the fuck was that about? Why'd you share that? Stupid, you're an idiot. Why'd you post that? And I get upset. Wow, what another great gift. What another great gift for me to go back and reassure this part of me that, hey, everything's okay, you're loved, I'm here, I got you, everything's safe. We're gonna feel this. It's okay to feel this. You deserve to feel this. No wonder you feel this. The minute you be okay feeling anything and everything, freedom shows up. The only reason we're not free is because we're not okay feeling stuff. We're not okay feeling the anxiety and the doubt and the shame and the fear. We're like in resistance to the fear. We're afraid of feeling the fear. There's nothing wrong with the fear. That's a part of being human. It's a part of having a human brain is like, it's there to protect us. But we have this resistance to fear. We'll do anything to avoid it. Anything. Some people will eventually kill themselves because they don't want to feel fear through drugs and alcohol and that kind of thing. So the real spiritual warrior in life is not one that doesn't feel fear. It's the one that's okay feeling fear. It's the one that like loves the fear. That's the fucking worry. The one who gets up goes, yes, bring it. I love feeling fear. It's all good, I'm safe. This fear isn't gonna kill me. Now when I say fear, I don't mean like go out and bungee jump off a cliff or something because you love feeling fear. I'm just saying the fear of like this, this part of you that, that really thinks you're gonna die if you show up on social media and someone's gonna judge you, right? That's how it feels. But when you reassure that part of you go, no, no, we're not going to die. If we're going to start the business and we've run out of money and we're on the streets, we're not going to die. Someone's going to take care of us, we're going to be okay, we're safe. Reassuring that irrational part of you that it's okay to be feeling this. Once it gets that, it releases like there's like this pressure that's like built inside of our energy centers, right? Especially our first three. There's this like pressure valve that's built over time. Depending on how long you've resisted fear, there'll be a build up of pressure as you go into these practices. And if you go through a coaching experience, it's amazing how quickly that pressure can just, it can just lift. And on the other side of it is lightness. On the other side of it is courage. On the other side of it is freedom of expression. Freedom of expression. And remember, like, I could not speak clearly, I couldn't articulate myself at all. Working in my accounting job, I really had a hard time speaking up at a hard time learning to be honest, had a hard time asking questions about what I was learning. So for me it was like full blockage in the throat. I couldn't express. I couldn't express because I wasn't connected. I wasn't connected to the part of myself that. That wanted to share something. I didn't even understand what my passion was. I didn't understand what my purpose is. My purpose was at that time. So wherever you're at on this journey, because we're all at different stages along this journey, right? And when I say the journey, the journey to understanding yourself, because that's. Once you understand yourself, then whatever you do externally, it's a relative importance. What's primary importance is your connection to yourself. So it's not up to me to say to you, hey, you got to go follow your dream to start that business, because maybe that's not what. Maybe that's not what life wants you to do. But all I can say is life is trying to pull you back home to yourself. Life, life is trying to bring you full circle all the way home into your heart. And this content, all of my content that I share, is always going to be about that. Can we come back home to ourselves? Can we understand ourselves more deeply? Because I know once you understand yourself more deeply and I connect more deeply with myself, the path becomes clear. The universe gives you some breadcrumbs to follow. And even in the times when you're like, for fuck's sake, just give me some guidance. I don't know what I'm doing or I'm doing all the right things, yet nothing's showing up. Even in those times, that's when we get to practice having trust in ourselves, having trust in the process. Because without a doubt, at every single moment, I've doubted myself or any single moments where I thought, why is it not going the way I want it to go? I feel like giving up. It's in those moments where you're on the brink. You're on the brink of having a massive breakthrough. I had a conversation with my brother about this the other day. It was doing all the right things. He was meditating, doing the work, and just nothing was working for him. He wasn't getting the results he wanted, and he was starting to get frustrated. And in that moment when he felt like giving up the next day, he got the outcome he was after. Right? It's the understanding that life is not operating on your timeline. Life has its own timeline, okay? Like, we think, you know, things should show up or we should get the things we want because we've done this. This amount of work. It should have happened by now. But there's a different timeline at Play that when you surrender and trust that the things you want are showing up based on God's timeline or universe's timeline, then you can have fun and just enjoy the ride. Because there is no rush. What's the rush to get the thing you want anyway? Because if you're already connected to yourself, you don't need anything else. If you're already living in the state of alignment and love with yourself, then this moment right now is all you'll ever need. Because if you're not, you're not enjoying this moment right now, then you're not enjoying your life. And really this is all we ever get. There's no future moment that can be any better than this one. So prioritize this moment. Prioritize yourself, prioritize your connection and then your self love, your self confidence, your self expression, your freedom, your everything you're after will be born out of that, will be born out of the relationship you have with yourself. Okay, so gonna sign it off there guys. I'm sick of hearing my own voice now, so I just want to again say thank you so much for showing up on here. This is really special to have some amazing people who have tuned in. I'm going to be sharing more content about building self worth and self confidence so you can can express and show up powerfully. Because I really feel like that is the prerequisite to you having everything you want in your life is to be able to access a deeper part of yourself where your expression just comes through and everyone deserves to have that. And I'm not going to say to you what you should do with your life after you discover that, but you'll know, you will know where life wants to take you. So if you want to go deeper in this stuff, I would say if there's anything that came up for you that you want to discuss more deeply, send me a DM first and foremost. But in a couple of weeks I'm going to be rolling out another group coaching program where I'm going to be coaching a group of people around how to discover some of this stuff through building a stronger relationship with yourself. I've got a six week program that I'm taking people through. I'm going to be launching that probably in the next week and it'll be starting in a couple of weeks, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I'm going to have a free seminar, free webinar coming up if you want to take part in that. This is all the stuff, I'm sharing it all. I'm going to give it all to you. All to you because I love you so much. Thank you so much guys. You're amazing. Thanks for tuning in and we'll see you real soon. Hey there we have it guys. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and yeah look if you made it this far, cool. Here's my voice again in your ear and I'm gonna make one more request for you is go ahead and subscribe and leave a comment on the podcast page because really putting a lot of focus and attention on getting this podcast out to more people because I know what I'm putting in here can serve and bring value to people and it would mean a lot if you got value from this to to leave some feedback and subscribe so you stay up to date with what's coming up and as always follow my Instagram and love hearing from you. It's eight shifters until the next episode guys. Thank you so much and I appreciate you.