SSP 099: Weekly Lesson - Relationship Talk

Hey, what's going on, guys? It's Jordan Kalish here. Welcome back to the State Shifters podcast. And we're approaching a really big milestone in this journey, in my podcasting journey. You know, this is the 99th episode, therefore the next one is 100. And I've been reflecting on, you know, how to celebrate this hundredth episode. And if you've been around listening to the podcast for a while, I just wanted to firstly just say thank you so much for being a part of this journey and listening to, you know, my evolution on here. Right. You know, you go back to the first episode that I recorded on this podcast. It was when I first arrived in Canada back in 2017, after I'd quit my corporate job. And my life was in a very different place back then, you know, and it's so interesting to see what I was basically thinking back then, but now to also see what's possible, because since that time, I didn't really have any direction of where I was going. I just was following a feeling in my heart. In that time, I wasn't really making any money. I just quit my job, and I wasn't sure what the future had in store for me. And now I'm running a coaching business that's making over six figures a year. And I'm living my dream, living in the location that I've manifested that my dream home that I decided that I wanted to live in, like, literally four years ago, I'm now living there, which is such a trip to me. And that's why I love the fact that I get to reflect on this podcasting journey, because it's a big part of my journey. This show started when I began this kind of path, this road of less traveled. The road less traveled, you know, leaving the corporate world, leaving the mundane, leaving that preconditioned idea of success. And so if you've been a part of that, you've listened or you've been on this journey with me for a while. Again, thank you. It's been a real honor to have you on here, and I'm really proud of what I've been able to accomplish with a hundred episodes. So to celebrate the hundredth, I'll be bringing my good pal Josh Collins back onto the show. We're gonna be diving deep. He's still living out in Sydney at the moment, and I'm actually thinking of moving out to Sydney probably in the next few months. So, you know, life is sort of moving through me again. I'm feeling the guidance to want to just change it. Up to move out to the east coast of Australia and move back out into maybe a big city vibe and just hang out there for a little bit. So we'll bring on a Sydney local, Josh, from the beginning, we, me and him, you know, began this podcast together and he's been a big part of this process too. So he'll be coming on to the next episode. But for now, enjoy this solo episode. And if you get any insights or clarity from today's podcast, be sure to check me out onlineshifters on Instagram. Be sure to send me a DM as well. If you found me on the podcast and found something useful, I'd love to hear from you. And it gives me a little bit of inspiration to keep the show coming, keep these episodes rolling. So thanks again for being a part of the journey and looking forward to the 100th episode coming real soon. Take care, guys. Welcome to the State Shifters Podcast, a show dedicated to helping you discover your true potential through connecting the mind, body and soul. What's going on, fam? Don here. I wanted to do a quick little live talk for you guys to talk about a topic that I keep hearing a lot about. And I always retract from sharing a lot about this topic because I always have self doubts around my authority to talk about relationships. And I keep hearing it like people keep commenting on my stuff and saying, hey, post more about relationships. So here it is. Okay. And what I'm gonna share with you very quickly is some of my thoughts on what I'm noticing. Some of the main challenges people face with relationships and some of the main challenges I face in my relationship as I continue to grow and evolve myself and what I've noticed, what that brings up along the way. So whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single or you're looking for a relationship, whatever, our life is dominated by the quality of our relationships. Everything. Everything that we do, quality of our relationships. I actually think one of the main purposes of life is to experience nourishing and fulfilling relationships, to share this jo with amazing people. Now, if you don't have good relationships in your life, you will understand that it can get quite lonely. And no amount of money and no amount of amazing things that you can buy can really replace sharing experiences with really special people that you've attracted into your life. So relationships are fucking everything. And if you don't think that's the case, then, you know, spend a lot of time on your own and you'll realize that you will eventually crave human connection okay. And I know that because I, I have a good friend of mine, Steve, out in Canada, who's been on my podcast who lived in a cabin in the woods in isolation for almost a year. And he realized that, you know what life is about sharing things with other people. So I wanted to speak about how we can start to improve the quality of our relationships, but also start to manifest and attract people who are in alignment with that which we want to hang out with. Because one of the biggest challenges I see with people is they realize when they start to look inward and start to improve their life, that the relationships they've attracted don't actually align with who they want to be or they don't actually align with how they want to be treated. So that's one of the main challenges. Like, and if you find yourself in a long term relationships and then all of a sudden you realize that, shit, this isn't, this is no longer serving me, what do you do then, right? What do you do if you realize that, hey, this isn't working for me anymore? What most people do who are stuck in victim consciousness will stay in the relationship and put up with it. They'll stay where they are and go, ah, this is just how, this is just how it is. I'll just accept that now. For most people who begin to work on themselves and begin to engage in coaching, there comes a point in the journey in a relationship where when you start to transform yourself to a certain degree, the people around you have no other option to either come with you on that journey, to evolve themselves on that journey, or they'll naturally fall away. And what most people struggle with, this idea of letting people fall out of your life. If someone's not prepared to come with you on that journey and evolve with you, then it's not meant to be like, be prepared to let that person go. What people don't want to face is the uncomfortable feelings that come along with that. So I guess the reason I'm sharing that is because I've had a lot of coaching sessions with people who have been in marriages who are realizing that this isn't working anymore. This is the way this person treats me is not how I want to be treated. So when that realization happens, what we do or where we focus is getting really at peace with the part of us that is afraid of speaking up, really starting to strengthen the connection we have with ourselves so that we can prioritize meeting our own needs. As one of the first pillars in a relationship is meet your own needs. Don't Rely on someone else to fulfill you or to make you happy. Now, once you start to get really connected with who you are as a person and you can meet your own needs, then all of a sudden, you can have really clear boundaries around what's important to you in your life. And you can answer two very important questions, which is, what are you unwilling to compromise on? What will you not tolerate? You know, Amanda and I. I think she's listening to this. Amanda and I have addressed that question on multiple occasions. And whenever we answer that question very, very specifically and clearly, it allows the other person to just dissect, okay, hmm, this. He's not willing to compromise on this. Okay, cool. Can I. Can I be with that? You know, can I be okay with the fact that Jordan isn't willing to compromise on, you know, cleaning the house every single day or whatever? And then. Then that gives space to the other person to be really in control of their truth. It gives. It gives space to the other person to step up and be like, oh, shit, okay, that's. That's. That's direct. All right, can I accept this? Or on the reverse is if someone's not treating you or speaking to you in a way that you'd like to be spoken to, deciding that one of your number one values is love and connection, and you don't feel loved and connected when someone swears at you or someone speaks to you a certain way, then deciding that you will no longer tolerate that level of communication in your relationship takes a level of courage. It takes a level of actual courage to step up and say, hey, this is what I will no longer tolerate. And you speaking to me like that, because it's really important to me to feel loved and connected with the person that I care about, okay? And when you have that conversation and when your connection with yourself is strong, the words that you use will be very potent and very powerful. And what it does is it gives you clarity, because if that person doesn't step up to the table and raise the bars to how they're showing up for themselves and the relationship, you're gonna know very quickly, this ain't in alignment for me anymore. I don't need this person in my life anymore. Okay? So the first step in really removing the blockages in your relationship is remove the blockages in yourself. Remove the blockages in yourself that are preventing you from communicating what it is that you need, very clearly communicating what it is that you no longer tolerate and actually getting very, very stable in your boundaries around what you want compromise on. So I guess that goes for people who are in relationships. But if you're not in a relationship, just as important because when you start to hang out or attract other people, you're always answering that question, what's important to you? Hey, like, what are you, what would you not compromise on? Like say, you know, you have these conversations, you realizing someone's values alignment is not in alignment with yours. You know, very quickly, this, this ain't probably not a good idea to spend too much time with this person. If my number one value is health and number one value is that's going out getting drunk on the weekends. Just, you figure, you figure out very quickly when you have open dialogue. You can only have open dialogue with someone else and you've had open dialogue with yourself. Okay, so, yeah, relationship talk. I'm going to keep it coming. If you want more relationship talk, let me know. You're going to, you have to, you're going to have to interact. You have to give me some feedback. Send me a dm. If you're watching this on the replay, send me a dm. Just say, yo, I want to hear more about the relationship talk. Been in a relationship for five years. I've dated someone long distance for seven months where we did not see each other. We had a lot of time apart and we learned a lot about ourselves during that time and how to interact and build a solid foundation in our relationship. So I'm sharing this because maybe I'm trying to confirm to myself that I have a lot of authority and credibility to speak to this topic because I guess the challenge that I can continuously facing challenges on a daily around how to navigate a relationship and how to be better as a person. So forgive me if I don't speak about this topic a lot, but that's the reason why I guess I just doubt my worthiness on this topic. So, yeah, my girlfriend and I am dating for five years. She's from Canada, obviously I'm from Australia. So for a period of time there we did long distance for about seven months where we spoke on the phone every single night. And that, in my opinion, was one of the biggest hurdles we overcame early on in our relationship, which built the foundation for trust, built the foundation for open communication. It built the foundation on us really getting connected beyond the physical level. And what happened was when we got connected on the physical level, our relationship was able to merge in a more deeper way. And I lived with her for a year in Canada with her family, and she's also lived for a year in Australia with my Family. So if you think you've evolved in relationships, go and spend some time with your partner's family and then we can have a conversation. Oh, fuck, man. Yeah, spending time with your own family is hard enough, you know, and to be honest, actually, I, I found it very easy spending time with my girlfriend's family, and she's found it relatively easy. Spending time with my family is more the other way around. It's more my girlfriend being with my family and she, I've been with her while she was with her family. Because your family's got all the patterns, all the patterns, all your, all your, like all your old shit, you know, the old ways of being show up very quickly when you're around your partner and you get to see, see that side of them come out. Puts things to the test. It puts, it puts a lot of test and strain on. Can you navigate working through that stuff together? When you see the inner child, where you see the inner child of your partner come out in these, in those scenarios. So that's a great test. If you are dating someone, actually don't hang out with them around their family because that's where you're going to see their inner child wounding come out. And if that shit really like deters you, that's when you know very quickly if you can hold space, hold space for your loved one when they go through that, when their old patterns come out around their family. That's a nice little test for you guys. Our relationships in our life are mirrored to who we're being, who we're showing up as. So, yeah, my challenge is if you want to improve your relationships, it's all about improving your level of connection with yourself so that you can communicate very clearly what it is that you want in a relationship, or if you are already in a relationship, communicating very clearly what's, what's working for you and what's not working for you. What needs to change? What do you need to receive from that person to feel safe, to feel loved with the understanding that they can't ever give you sustainable love. They can't ever give you, they can't ever give you what you want. Really. You can communicate with them to get clear on how you can come together and work together and support each other in certain ways, but they can never give you what you want. It's important. Understanding you must meet your own needs first, meet your own needs first and then communicate with the other person how they can support you in times of challenge, in times of difficulty, or how they can enhance the experience of you navigating life together, how can they support you, how can they enhance you? What language would you need to use in a conversation like that? You only get access to the language when you've got access to the feelings. Most people struggle like throat wise, their throat is blocked and they can't express what it is that they need because then they haven't unlocked the deeper parts of themselves, right? Oh, it's a bee flying around here. They haven't unlocked the deeper parts of themselves to get in touch with deeper feelings. Sacral chakra, just underneath the belly button, you know, pleasure senses. Most people are so blocked in that area, me included for a long time was. I didn't even know how to communicate how I felt or what I needed or what I needed to do to be supported in certain areas. And once I really released a lot of those blockages, what opened up was my expression, my throat. Like, you go like right back to my Instagram page three years ago. I couldn't jump on and speak like this. I couldn't communicate like this because I hadn't evolved myself to the point. And that's the same with our relationships. Like, if you want to get deeper and more pleasure and have more fun in your relationships, you've got to evolve yourself. You got to go deeper within yourself because that's how you unlock the language, the communication, the expression to get everything. Because you can have everything. You can have everything that you want if you know how to ask for it. If you know how to ask for it. So we're limited in this human experience by language. Language is our barrier, it's our limitation, right? So the more you can evolve how to communicate and express, the better you can get at asking for the things that you want, not just to the people around you, but to life itself. Asking for what you want to feel on a daily. Okay, well, I coach a lot of people. I ask like, okay, I have to get that life of the money in the house and the car or whatever it is that you want. How are you going to feel? And I don't know how they're going to feel or they'll give me like three words like happy, yeah, I'll feel happy. I feel good, I feel okay. How limiting is that language and the energy behind that word? Expand your vocabulary. Be very clear and specific around what you want to feel. Feel and make it expansive and tap into that energy. So using big expansive vocabulary helps so much with creation because language is our barrier. Language is our barrier to creating what we want on a physical Level, you know, before we feel and experience something to bring that into the world, to manifest that feeling, we must declare it through word. The word is the first thing that creates thought, spoken word, creation. Everything that we see around us came from a thought that manifested into a word. I'm going off a tangent here. I'm just riffing. Yeah, I'm riffing. It's 2:00 on a Friday, so I'm just feeling like sharing wisdom with you guys. Did you open up through throat chakra by being clear about your values? Yeah, that's a, that's a good question. I would say the throat chakra opened when I was able to release a lot of the suppressed shame that I was carrying around that was stuck in my solar plexus. If you think about it, right, Most energy is stuck in the solar plexus, the first three energy centers. Most people have trapped energy there, so the energy never really flows up into their heart. They never really truly experience gratitude and connection and wholeness and abundance. And when that energy can't move up into your chest and you can't feel wholeness for life, you can't communicate that wholeness. You can't communicate from a place of love and abundance, right? So the throat chakra can only be opened once you've opened the bottom centers. You know, if your energy is blocked in the survival center, the first root chakra, then you start there. You must clear the blockages there before the energy can start to move up even further. Having clarity on your values and what's important to you is just one of the ways in which you can start to articulate your truth. It's more just bringing clarity to your truth. But to find your truth, you gotta, you gotta really unlock, you gotta go into yourself and unlock that and be like, hey, what's most important to me in my life right now? And when you align those values and experience your truth, then you have the ability to talk from that place and just say, hey, this is what I've uncovered about myself and this is what's really important to me and it really mean a lot. If we can work together and come to some sort of agreement where you honor my boundaries in these four areas, or I'm really going to do my best to support you in your truth. And what do you need from me to be able to show up really powerfully? Just having that kind of communication and dialogue in a relationship just really helps a lot. I'm not an expert in this because my partner and I, we had an argument the other Day. And it was around this exact conversation, around like, fuck, man, you let me down in this area because this is really important to me. And, you know, I feel like I don't want to tolerate someone not. Not showing up in that way in my life. Like, what can we do together to. To start to fix this? How can I support you? And you may be showing up more powerfully for yourself so this doesn't keep happening. I feel like when you practice communicating like that because it's really uncomfortable initially because you're calling people forward, right? You're calling your partner forward to be like, hey, you're fucking letting me down. I feel let down for you guys listening to this or watching this. You guys are obviously on a conscious path. You know, you are living your life from a place of deciding, hey, I want to better myself. I want to be better for myself, but also for my relationships. If your partner is not necessarily on that journey as well, then you've got a responsibility or you've taken the responsibility without knowing to pull them forward with you, to take a stand for them. So that communication is just as much for them as well. You get to call them forward. And if it's really uncomfortable for them or if it's really challenging or it's bringing up triggers in them, that's their gift that they get to work with. That's their opportunity that I get to work with. Because you shining the light on that, it gets them a chance to be like, yeah, this is where I'm. This is where I'm holding on to stuff. So, yeah, it's a gift all around when you choose to evolve together, when you come together in a sacred union. I'm gonna wrap it there, guys. I'm gonna wrap it up. I've kind of riffed for a while, but if you want to go deeper into any of these areas that I just shared, drop me a dm. Would love to. Love to hear some insights you've taken from this conversation. And yeah, I'm gonna be posting more stuff about this. I'm posting more stuff about this. So, yeah, send me a message. Much love. Thank you. Thank you for joining me and signing in. Have an amazing weekend and happy Friday. Peace. Hey, there we have it, guys. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. And yeah, look, if you made it this far, cool. Here's my voice, Yan and Yuria. And I'm gonna make one more request for you is go ahead and subscribe and leave a comment on the podcast page because I'm really putting a lot of focus and attention on getting this podcast out to more people because I know what I'm putting in here can serve and bring value to people. And it would mean a lot if you got value from this to leave some feedback and subscribe. So you stay up to date with what's coming up and as always, follow me on Instagram and love hearing from you. It's dateshifters until the next episode. Guys, thank you so much and I appreciate you.