SSP120: Navigating the Gender War: Empowering Men with Bille Rae Brandt

I think there's a huge gender war going on and I think my content tries to differentiate the genders. When the whole feminist movement has been to level the genders, somebody with my perspective. I look at men and women as completely different beings. I do not want to be equal.

Hey, what's going on, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Jordan Kanlish here. Really looking forward to diving into another conversation with you recently. You know, I went through a period probably late last year where I was like really exploring the men's masculinity space, really taking in lots of different perspectives. I started to see other creators come on board who were speaking against the grain, you know, going against what we were predominantly seeing online. And it's so often or common that we get stuck in echo chambers. And today's guest is one of these creators where I really admire her courage and in some of the topics that she's speaking about. Her name is Billy Ray. She's a, she's a content creator and she really positions herself in the men's masculinity space and she makes content for men. I'm really excited for you to, to see if this expands your paradigm a bit or maybe it already fits into your current worldview. Regardless, keep what resonates, toss out the rest and please let me know if this how you found this conversation. Reach out to me on Instagram Jordan Canla, show one or subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already. Be sure to give Billy a follow as well. But without further ado, enjoy this conversation with Billy Ray. Okay, Billy Ray, welcome to the podcast, my friend. How are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm excellent. I'm excellent. What, what an honor this is. This has been a few months in the making, but I'm glad we got to finally get a time in the calendar and sit down and have this conversation. Where are you dialing in from today?

So I'm technically from New Jersey, but I have been living in Florida since on and off last summer, since around May and now I just buy a one way ticket. So I've been here for quite a bit. I'm going to become a legal citizen within the next couple of months.

Fuck yes. I'm all about the one way ticket vibes. Right now I'm in Mexico, been across Europe. I'm doing just the world tour right now. So it's been awesome to live life like that. And I've been looking forward to this conversation because you've become quite the influencer online, especially in the men's masculinity space. Your content is really just like blowing up and creating a lot of impact good and some triggering for some people. But for those who, I guess maybe haven't seen your content or don't know what you're about, how would you describe your approach, your style, the types of content that you make? And can you give people a bit of a bit of an understanding or background of how this all begun?

Yeah. So I call it the no BS approach. I just heard you curse. Is that allowed on here?

Cursing's allowed? Yes. I'm from Australia, so it's like, it's all right. We're allowed to curse anytime we want out here.

So it actually all started. I had never intended to be a TikToker social media influencer. I think everybody wants to have a following on social media. I think that's like the dream job nowadays. But I never thought that was attainable. And I was dating a guy who's actually now my boyfriend. We. We had dated before. So it was two. Two summers ago at this point and he had a hot mess of an apartment. So it was back when, like everybody was doing their dance videos on TikTok and I just did one of those trending sounds and I put it with like all of the dysfunctional things in a man's apartment. And I had like the suave two in one, the overflowing trash can. And it was really inspired by his apartment. So I posted it and the next day I woke up and it had like millions of views. So I was like, crap, he's gonna see this. I have to tell him that I made a video about his apartment. So I showed him, he thought it was funny. And then we broke up shortly after. And he had no idea that I continued making these videos because he actually does not have any social media. So I continued making videos actually shit talking men. It was like, what men are doing wrong, what you shouldn't be wearing, what you should. It was always like the negative approach, what you shouldn't be doing. And I started gaining a following from that. I started getting brand deals and I started making money. And I was able to discover like a new path in life. And with that, I started getting a ton of DMs from men, saying how my content was helping them with like, style mistakes they're making, flirting mistakes they're making. But with that kind of realized that men's mental health was declining. So I discovered like a newfound passion for helping men instead of shitting on men. So my content has taken a big turn in the past, I would say six months. And I've been called a grifter for that. That's the new famous term on social media. And I think, actually people think that I've taken this new approach with it because it's given me financial gain, when in reality, it's actually caused more shit in my life to take this route. I get death threats daily. I get a ton of hate online. I could probably be making more money if I stayed that other way that I was taking before. But I do feel like I go to bed at night knowing that I'm doing the right thing. So with all of the bullshit, it is still more rewarding than the approach I was taking. And it also feels more. More true to myself. This is something that I've always been passionate about, so I was really scared to voice, like, my true opinion on things. But, yeah, that's how we've gotten here.

It's really inspiring, actually, to see the level of courage that is required to step into this arena. Because sometimes I've noticed in my own content journey, if I just, like, say the wrong word or if I say something that triggers one group of people, people come at you in the comments, and then the next step further for you is like, people sending you hate DMs and really like some really mean people out there that will come after you if you're saying things they don't like. And I'm curious to know from you, just based on what you're sharing, why do you think what you're talking about is. It can be so triggering to. To some people, it's mainly the. The women, I would. I would feel. But obviously some men may get triggered by what you say as well. But why do you think that's the case?

I think there's a huge gender war going on. And I think my content tries to differentiate the genders. When the whole feminist movement has been to level the genders and somebody with my perspective, I look at men and women as completely different beings. I do not want to be equal to my boyfriend. And that doesn't mean that I see my worth as less. I just see what we bring to the table as different and complementary. So I think the feminism fight has been to try to equal the playing field, when in reality, all they've done. I mentioned this in my fifth wave feminism. That's gone. That video, that's gone super viral. All they've ended up doing is competing with men. And I don't think there's any true reward at the end of the day in that I think a lot of women feel that they're still unequal to men and constantly have to be at odds and trying to prove something. And a lot of women, when they see my content, feel like I'm one of their own and going against the group when I should be, like, rallying with women. But I don't know. Yeah, a lot of. When I walk into a room full of people now, I think especially with doing this sort of content, if I'm in a room full of women especially, I'm constantly thinking, like, man, if they ever saw my videos, they would hate me. Like, I never walk into a room full of women anymore and feel welcome. And it kind of sucks. It's hard to make friends nowadays because of my social media, and if somebody looked up my name, they would. If they saw my videos, I just know they wouldn't like me. But luckily, before this, I surrounded myself with people with, you know, my beliefs. And I have a. A good friend group. But, yeah, it's. It's a tough battle to fight.

It is. And this gender war that you speak about, the reason why it becomes so triggering for people to hear this content is because it goes so against the cultural narrative that they're so used to hearing. And it's almost why these voices, your voices have become so significant and important because it resonates at a. At a deep level. It almost like. Similar to what Andrew Tate created with his mood, like, is to say it's a movement he started to impact millions of people, because even though what he was saying sometimes felt off, there was something deep down that felt innately true that a lot of men could relate with, that not a lot of people were talking about because it was so against the grain. And has that always been something that you've been into? Just like going against the grain, just been like, man, if everyone's talking about this thing or everyone's doing this one thing, that I gotta go the other way.

No, I was definitely a rule follower. I didn't like to cause any controversy. I like to stay in the background, especially in school. I definitely always had differing views, but I never wanted them to be known because I really didn't want to have to just. I didn't want to get into it because I knew it would be a losing battle. But I just wanted to touch on the Andrew Tate thing. I think Andrew Tate is such an important person because he. I don't think he's always correct, but I think he takes such a strong stance, and that's needed nowadays, even if he's too extreme, we can call him too extreme. He's definitely out there. I think we need that in order. We can't just stay quiet and make a change and have our voices be, like, low, and we're not going to be heard. So I think Andrew Tate's important in that sense, and he's made a lot of. He's made an impact on a lot of young, young men. And I think that's very important for future generations. Even if it's a little bit extreme, I think he's doing something right.

I agree.

I had a brief conversation with Tate. I always like to tell this to people. Not to be like, not to be like. I had a conversation with Andrew Tate, but I like to tell people this because he was very respectful. He wanted to hear my input on these, you know, this gender war. And I think a lot of people think he's this misogynistic woman hater. When and when I had a conversation with him, all he wanted to hear was my opinion on things. So I just like people to know that about him because not a lot of people have been, you know, have been able to have a conversation with him, of course.

And, yeah, and the thing that I hear, the thing that I really hear, because I read my comments on my posts sometimes, and I see some of these women really getting upset about some things that are being said in their masculinity space. And it's not to overlook or it's not to invalidate the fact that there may be some pain or generational pain that, that these women have had to go through, maybe yourself as well, at the hands of men. Right? So there's this generational trauma through dangerous forms of masculinity that have created this, this shell, this hardened shell that a lot of women go around life with. I know this because I've, I've coached many thousands of them at this point. So. And, and I can empathize with that. Like, I get it. But at the same time, like this, the fighting or, or attacking is their protection mechanism because they, they don't want to feel or integrate those aspects of themselves that they put into the dark because of the pain they experience from men. So it's so important. They're like, yeah, we're going to be talking about triggering stuff. Yes, we're going into masculinity and, and a lot of these unspoken things, but we're not overlooking, you know, some of the trauma or the pain that these women have been through. It's now, as the role that you're playing by really bringing this up, like bringing up all these triggers, because I can't remember who said, I think it's Peter Cron. He says anytime you get triggered, it's life revealing to you another area within yourself where you're not free yet. So I just see opportunities. All I see is opportunities. Maybe I triggered. It's like, wow, what a beautiful opportunity to work on myself. But a lot of people just not in that place yet.

Yeah, but. Sorry, go ahead.

I was gonna say, and I want to. I want to let you finish that thought, but it doesn't make it any easier for someone like you to speak this content, to share this truth and to cop a barrage of hate. Doesn't make it any easier. And I want to hear, I guess, how you've developed the mindset, just the fortitude to be like, I'm going to go there anyway. It's almost like this warrior spirit that's a lot of men just don't have to be honest. And you're out here leading the charge as a woman speaking up. I guess it makes it a little bit less you have a little secret weapon, given the fact that you're a woman speaking about these topics or if a man. A man does this, it's almost like 10x the hate. But I'd love to know how you're navigating this and where this courage came from, where this fortitude came from to step into this.

I actually wanted to steer clear of all controversy in the beginning, so I was not willing to. I still don't really speak politically. I just. It's just not something I want to get into. But I steered clear of any of the, you know, masculinity crisis, gender wars, red pill, black pill. I still don't understand the pills. I have no idea what pill I am. I just don't get into that whole thing. But I think in the beginning of this, when. When you don't really have a full following, you kind of feel like, you know, where's my place to say these things? Like, if I don't have a following, I don't really have a place to be saying something controversial, which might sound a little bit backwards. But actually separating. Separating myself from social media gave me the courage to kind of speak a little bit more. And here's what I mean by this. This is very strange. So my whole life is social media. I'm on my phone all day. I'm on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, all day long. I'm Constantly. I constantly have a headache from staring at my screen like, my whole life is social media. Before I did this for a living, I had my personal social media, my Instagram, with like a couple hundred followers that I knew from high school. And that's, you know, I wasn't on social media as much, but when I would, you know, sit down at night, I would go scroll through my feed of what my friends in high school are doing. And I knew if I ever, like, spoke up about things I was passionate about, all of those people from my past life would absolutely hate me. So I think it actually took separating myself from social media and the personal end of things and stepping into social media as a career to feel like I had a place to speak. So I actually, I don't feel like I have social media anymore. As weird as that sounds. I don't feel like anybody is judging me anymore because it's not like a personal social media. It feels like a business to me and it feels like I'm doing my job at this point. It's not like when you log on to social media, I don't think about, like, what is. What does that girl from high school think about me? It just never crosses my mind anymore. I know it sounds super weird, but just separating the personal from, like, my job and like, these people on social media that, like, really feel impacted by what I'm doing was super important for me to feel like I had a place to speak. I don't know if that makes sense, but I actually feel like as much as I'm on social media, I don't feel attached to it personally in that way anymore.

It's almost like detaching your sense of self from the content that you're making.

Yeah, I'm not personally hurt by it anymore. It just, it doesn't have. I'm not worried about, like, the people I would have been concerned with before, like, their perceptions of me. It doesn't even cross my mind anymore. When I get hate now. There's very few things that can upset me. In the beginning, I used to read every single comment. I would sit there for hours and scroll through all the comments. Within the first two months of doing social media, I went to a plastic surgeon because I was like, I let the comments get to me. Thank God I didn't go through with anything. But no, everything got to me in the beginning. But I think eventually when you see so much of it, somebody could say anything to me and I'll just laugh at it now. It really doesn't affect Me, if you said something about a loved one, which is why I don't involve any of my family on social media, that would get to me. But, yeah, there's really nothing anymore.

And it's. It's interesting you say that because just in terms of, like, things not affecting you and building that. That strength to just things bounce off you. Because a lot of people. Not a lot of people, a lot of coaches. Because I'm in the coaching space, right? So I, I speak to a lot of coaches who. This is their. One of the main things they try and focus on is growing an audience online, building a following online, and a lot of them aren't willing to go through the. The. It's almost like a level of cringiness that initially you're like, oh, do I really want to put that out? Or do you really want to look like that online? And this is where the separation between you, yourself or who you are as this creator, you have to separate yourself from that. It's just a role that you play knowing that you're changing constantly. Like the, the content that I'm sure you put out a year ago, you probably look at and go, I put completely different views now for a completely different perspective. So it's like the detachment and knowing that what I put out, as soon as I put it out, it's no longer me because I'm changing. Tomorrow I'm something different. And that content might be irrelevant or something may change in the world that changes my paradigm. And that's been a helpful perspective for me because I was the same as you. It was like, oh, man, what if people are saying that? Oh, man, I think I'm. They think I'm a misogynist. Holy shit. Like. But no, they don't know. They don't know me. They don't know who I am. They're just judging me on a piece of content. So I'm really glad you shared that. And I want to shift into more specifically, the content that you're making and the impact or the. The perspective that you're sharing. It's mainly for men. It's mainly to unlock an insight or unlock a deeper understanding inside of men. What do you feel like men really need to hear the most right now in the world?

That there are women out there a. That hear them and there's. There are women. The louder voices don't represent all of society. They're just louder. That's it. It doesn't mean that all women are like that. And I think it's important for I Call myself a traditional woman, but, like, I don't mean that. I'm stuck in the 1950s, like in the kitchen all day. Like, that's not what I mean by traditional woman. I think for me, the word traditional means, like, I believe in, you know, gender roles. I believe that there's things that I do better than a male counterpart. I think that there are things we're just better at. And I think it's important for, for men to. I think a lot of men are looking for traditional women. I think those men specifically feel really lost and not heard. And I think it's important for somebody like me to be like, hey, like, we are out there. Maybe we're not the loudest, but like, we still exist. And I've seen a. Once I started making that sort of content, I always get the comments like, where are women like you? Like, I can't find them. And I always say it's because I'm not the loudest. Like, you're listening to what mainstream media is pushing. You're listening to like all of the agendas. They're the loudest. But we're still out there. We still exist. And I think that's why there are so many, like, even like the, whatever podcast they bring on people with like my, my mindset and I think the awareness around it, just this whole conversation is super important. And I think that's why it's gaining traction. Men are realizing that, like, they're being heard. So I think that's super important for men.

Yeah. And it become, it's almost very evident that Western culture or society is trying to, I guess, weaken the modern man in many ways. And we can see that just through political agendas, social agendas that, that get pushed. And it's all it creates. And I can speak from a man's perspective. It almost creates a level of fear and doubt and hesitation about speaking up, about speaking up about some of these things and saying, hey, like, I don't want my wife to work a full time corporate job. I want my wife to have kids. I want my wife to be able to stay home and look after the kids. It becomes scary to say that because now you're afraid of triggering, triggering people. And we can give many more examples of how this is showing up currently in Western culture. But I'd love to know, why do you think that is? Why do you think they're trying to. And would you agree that they're trying to weaken men? And why do you think they're doing that? Because you see an underground Culture. There's like an underground culture of men who are watching Tate's content, watching these other content where they're like, call it the red pill or whatever you want to call, call it. And they are getting off. Yeah.

I think at the end of the day, women do have a desire to be women and have children and be at home and raise those children and be a homemaker. I think every woman wants that. Women might not be admitting that. And I think that men are scared to say something because they're going to be misogynistic and they're going to be anti woman. I do feel like western culture is promoting both people in the, in the workforce for a financial gain. And I don't think women are realizing that. And I think this goes back to, you know, even I recognize this now. Growing up, even in high school, college, I did not know what I wanted to pick for a college major. I was like, completely lost in college. I never saw myself in the corporate world. I had a business degree. I pursued business just because I felt like it was very flexible, because I didn't know what I wanted to do. So whenever I would, like, sit down in a class and when somebody would ask me what I wanted to do, the only thing in my mind was to be a mom. That's all I wanted. That's all I ever wanted. But I knew if I said that I would a look lazy. I think that's a thing now. Like, stay at home moms are looked at as lazy by like the education system. Not necessarily men. Men don't really. I've learned that men don't care if whatever you are, if you're working at a drive through, men genuinely don't care. I always thought that I had to be like, equal or above men going through the school system. So, yeah, I think both sides are just scared to admit what they actually want because they're trying to all please the bigger monster. It's like this, the Matrix, this system. Place 100.

I totally agree. There's a lot of confusion. And I will go more specific because I speak directly from a man's perspective here. I feel like it's men's responsibility to awaken or to realize these deeper truths, to step more fully into an embodied way of being in their masculinity. And that will then support women in opening more deeply to these truths that you, that you're, that you're sharing. It will support women in opening more deeply to the fact that, wow, I can be safe. I can just open up and be safe. About what I really want and what I feel in my body. I genuinely feel really, that's what it's at. It's where it's at. People just don't feel safe in their own expression.

Yeah, no, I completely agree. Another thing on the. The roles and in women actually wanting to be mothers and pursue the traditional gender roles. Another thing that I realized in college was, okay, so I'm going to be working a 9 to 5 corporate job. I'm not going to be raising my kids. If I'm like, who. Who's going to be raising my kids? At the end of the day, I'll be getting, you know, a couple months maternity leave. So I'm going to birth a child and then I'm going to, you know, be with that child for three months. And then you're just. In this whole system of the grandparents are going to be raising the children again. The grandparents have to raise another kid if they're still around. If you don't have the financial means to hire a nanny. So at the end of the day, you're basically employing somebody to raise your kid. And you don't even get to instill the values in your kid because you're working in the corporate world. And it just, like the whole thing doesn't really make sense. And it's just, I don't see how any woman is ever going to find fulfillment in having a kid and then basically handing off that child for somebody else to raise.

I don't see it either. Yeah. And this is why, like, these conversations are so important, because it's starting. Like what we're talking about right now, the changes or the shifts that we're making, this isn't necessarily for us. This is for the next generation. And I think about that because I'm like, yo, I'm gonna have a kid soon. You know, in the next few years, I want to have a kid. And I hope. I hope that my kid never needs to have a coach to work through his trauma or her trauma. I hope that my kid never has to be constantly consuming, content to better themselves. I hope that my kid is just so embodied in his purity or her purity, that they just live in this world in their essence. What kind of world does that look like? But it's so concerning because you think about, okay, if I take my kid to a regular school and I'm working all the time, and then my kids hanging out with all these other different kids who are brought up by social programming and current gender roles and things like that, then how distorted how confused does that kid then become? And if I'm only spending 20% of my time with him and my partner's working, you know what I mean? It's like this is what you need to talk about because if you don't take this level of ownership and responsibility, then your kid's going to get programmed pretty quickly.

And all of a sudden the school systems are very scary. I don't know if you've ever heard of Ben Shapiro's POD schooling system, but I think it's going to become more and more popular. Have you heard of it?

I haven't, no.

So it's basically this is something that I would love for my kids to be a part of. Basically you find a community of like minded people with children. Instead of sending your kid off to private school, you all hire a teacher that will instill your values in your child. If you don't want to do homeschooling, if you don't have the time to do homeschooling. So, you know, say community of like seven neighbors all have kids around the same age range. You pay that combined teacher salary to essentially homeschool your children and they'll still get the socialization of being with other children. They're not completely homeschooled and isolated, but they'll still have that classroom structure. But you're just dictating what the child's learning and they'll still have an actual teacher. So I think that type of schooling is actually going to become more popular in the next few years.

I like that and it makes sense. It's just a matter of finding your community, finding your tribe. And I really feel like that's where we're going right now is like we're starting to gravitate towards people who have the same values as us. And it becomes a lot easier to find that because it's just, you either get it or you don't. It's just that's how society is going. We're just being split off into two classes almost. You know, you're aware of it, you're conscious, you're tuned into what's going on or you're not. And they go and hang out over here we go, hang over here. I would love to just switch gears a little bit here, Billy, because I know that you've been in many relationships, but more recently you've been in a committed relationship and I know relationships are huge. Teachers, they teach us so much about everything. How we relate with ourselves, how we relate with the world, because it requires a deeper level of understanding and communication. And I'd love to know what your, what your relationship has taught you about yourself and what it has taught you about men.

This is a deep question. I think that. Can I get into like the. How I got to this relationship?

Yeah, of course, of course.

Okay. Well, I think there were, I think I was lucky in the whole dating world because at about the time where everybody starts dating, I guess, you know, 18, let's just say 18, my parents started going through a pretty tough divorce. So I decided to that it was best for me to be a little bit more present with my mom. So I commuted to college. So I never really had the college experience, which in the college world feels really isolating. Looking back on it, it was a complete blessing. Even though my personal life was complete, in incomplete and utter like turmoil and I was going home every night to like this really depressing situation. I was completely detached from the partying hookup culture world. So I never really had that hoe phase. So I was blessed in that sense to not have like my perception of dating completely trash. But I also had enough experience. I think I had like three defining relationships that got me to like the correct mindset. So the first relationship was about a four year relationship. And I actually, I feel like a lot of people look back on their relationships and you know, they call it toxic and they hate the person. And I don't look back on any of my relationships like that. I don't have like utter distaste for the people I was with. I, I have the utmost respect and I would never talk poorly about them. But that first relationship, it was very codependent. I think because I was in a bad place. I looked for somebody that would kind of share or take part in my misery. Misery. So we were very codependent. We were just, it was very, it was toxic. Even though I don't like to use that word, it was definitely toxic. And neither of us had the strength to ever like remove ourselves from it because it was codependent. And then that kind of ended after about 4ish years. It was a little bit on and off. And then I had a very short lived relationship. It was like a summer I started. I found somebody with, you know, all of my same values. And in that relationship I chased, I was like, I was the chaser and like, I couldn't let him go. I could never, I didn't want him to like leave. And I, looking back on it, realize how ugly the chase is and how unappealing the chase is. So I Realized what I did wrong there and then in the. My previous relationship was the first time that I, like, fell in love. The person was. He was amazing. He was a great guy. But I feel like it came full circle, and I was the one that was carrying the relationship. So it went from codependent to I'm chasing that person to now I'm the one that's responsible for everything. And I felt like I was carrying the weight of the relationship. I felt like I just. I just felt like the responsible one in that. And although I was in love with this person and I thought they were the greatest thing ever, I didn't feel like it was equal. And that made me very resentful in the end. And then that relationship, I realized that I had to end it, because that was kind of when my social media started taking off. The guy that I'm with now. We had dated before, so we had, like, a little summer fling. We broke up. So then I dated that, My previous relationship for a year. This timeline's confusing. I know. So we dated for about a year, and when that ended the relationship I'm in now, we just so happened to, like, connect again randomly. And I did not think I wanted to be in a relationship. I thought that I needed a ton of time to heal from the relationship I was in for about a year. But I did learn in that that when the right person comes along, it doesn't matter how broken you are or how much work you feel like you have to do on yourself, you'll find a way to make it work. So that's what I learned in this relationship. We've been together for almost a year now, and he has a huge impact on everything I put out into the world, all of my content. We basically collaborate together. He's on the business end of things. That's why nobody ever sees him or knows he exists. But he's had a huge impact on my view of the world, my view of gender roles. I was thinking about this last night. I think there's a. Well, there is. There's a big difference between feminism and femininity. And for the first time in my life, I always felt like I was, like, kind of the alpha in relationships. For the first time in my life, I feel like I've been able to embrace my femininity. I've enjoyed everything I do. I feel like, is for the betterment of us together. I feel like everything I do has purpose to it. I feel like this is so tacky, but I genuinely feel like we make each other Better we challenge each other. Our conversations are so interesting. It's not just like transactional back and forth, just like stupid conversations. Like I genuinely want to hear his input on everything I do. Another thing that I found interesting in our relationship, he has our values aligned. So that was very important. I think your values have to align to make a relationship work. I think a lot of people try to make their values align, but at the end of the day, if your core values don't align, I, I genuinely don't think it's going to work. So our values align, but our interests were so far from each other. Like I am not interested in anything he's interested in, but I think when you truly love somebody. I've started to take interest in all of his hobbies. I genuinely enjoy them now. So yeah, I could go on and on about him. He's amazing. But yeah, love is crazy.

It is, right? It is. I relate to a lot of things you just shared because I feel the same way about my partner. And it's almost like I want everyone to have access to that. Everyone deserves to have that someone that you know, your best friends. But also you relate on such a deep way and you can, you can connect on so many levels and then you get to evolve together which creates such a different. Like the speed in which you evolve is like 10x. When you've got another person who you value so much who's giving you honest, authentic reflections. That is the greatest blessing in my opinion that a man can get from a woman. Honest, authentic reflections. And I was going to ask you, what do you feel like, aside from my answer, what do you feel like are some of the ways that women can best support men in relationships?

I think men just a. Men need a listening ear, but men don't. Okay. The thing that I see is my value to him is that at the end of the day, no matter how hectic or stressful or shitty his day was, he knows that there's a safe place to come home to. With everything calm, there's a non judgmental environment. Men just want to come to home to like a warm, cozy environment with food on the table. And if I can be that place for him, be that outlet and be that welcoming environment for him, I think that's where men kind of flourish in that, in that environment. I know a lot of women won't like to hear that answer, but I think that's what, that's what works best for our relationship.

Yeah, I second that. I second that. And what about the other way around? What about how can men, how can men best support you, women and stepping more fully into what it is that you need, not just in a relationship, but just in general.

The thing that he's helped me most with was I don't think any woman's woman is ever going to be happy being the decision maker and being the risk taker. And I don't mean that in like, where are we going for dinner tonight? It's a very, like, low level of this. I mean, like the big risks that you take together as a couple. He's the one that decides that and I don't have to have that burden on my back. So, for example, with everything, with like the business end of what I do do, he's been the decision maker in that. And I know a lot of women would think, like, well, you're relinquishing all control. Why would you let a man do that? Well, I get to do the things that I love. I get to be the creator behind everything. At the end of the day, I'm in charge of what I'm putting out. He's the one taking on all the risk and financial decisions and being the negotiator for me. And I feel like once you let a man take control of those things, you're going to be so much happier with your life. You're not going to have to be the alpha female in control of everything. You're. No woman's ever going to enjoy that. So I think once I let some of my control go is when I was like, genuinely became the, the happiest.

Wow, that's, that's great. That's great. I really hope that the ladies listening receive that because like you said before, the difference between feminist and femininity is, is almost that. Because the more you're trying to control and get things right and be in your logical mind and take care of all of these heavier decisions, it's pulling you out of your femininity. It's pulling you out of your intuitive, like, essence, which is so nourishing to men. And it's almost like these are the roles that you. We've been alluding to throughout this whole conversation, which is like. And when you give the man the responsibility and power to take charge of his role, which is to be the big decision maker, to take control of those, those big situations so that his, his woman can just surrender and relax into what she's best at, which is almost, in my opinion, is what I love because I lean on before I make big decisions. I make the big Decisions in business and in our relationship. But I lean on her. I go, how does this feel? I'm thinking about doing this. How does this feel for you, babe? And she is like. She's like the oracle for me. She's like, she's my oracle because she's more tuned into that world. If I'm doing my role correctly. The felt sense, well, something doesn't feel right. It's not the right time. Maybe you should wait. Okay, cool. Sweet. Thank you. Thank you for that reflection back into making the decision. If you can have that dynamic, I know you have it as well. But when. Soon as you have that dynamic in a relationship, you become a fucking powerhouse duo in business and in life. And we're both operating in business, so it works even more.

I think that's the problem with the whole. The word that's used nowadays is being submissive to a man, submitting to a man. And I think that that word has so many negative connotations. I understand why it's misinterpreted. Women kind of view it as like an icky word. No, no woman wants to be beneath a man. I understand why that word has a negative connotation to it. Maybe we can replace it with a different word, but at the end of the day, that's what it is. And it doesn't have to be this, like, disgusting, like, power dynamic where the man owns you. It's not like that. Being submissive is not this, like, controlling, horrible thing. It's actually a beautiful thing once you experience it big time.

How has that experience for you changed? Because it's submissive almost means to let go, to surrender to. To someone else, in a sense. What has that unlocked in you? And do you relate to what I just shared with that more of a intuitive felt sense as to operating through life more from your. From a state of like, this feels right, this doesn't.

Yeah, no, that's. That's definitely. I relate to everything you just said initially that was. I don't think I've ever done that in a relationship because I always felt like I was kind of the leader in relationships. So I think I was very. It wasn't like there was one day where my boyfriend was like, you're going to submit to me? It's not like that. It's not like you all of a sudden just submit to a man. I think that's something that just naturally is a natural dynamic over time. And I think it was something that I was very hesitant of in the beginning. I. I didn't Want him to have any knowledge, knowledge of my business. I did. I didn't want him to know what went into it, what the finances were of it. I didn't want him to have any control. So I think it took a lot of. It takes a lot of trust in order to submit to somebody. But all of these things are like natural dynamics that happen over time. It's not like. I think people are so put off by it because they think it's like this. This thing that's just like, demanded of you. And it's not. It's such a hard thing to explain. The submission thing is such a hard thing to explain because it is a very natural thing that you fall into. And I think when you try to explain it to somebody, it sounds very controlling. This is a tough one to explain until you actually experience it. But once I trusted it, it just happened naturally. I also think part of this is another, like, tough one to explain part of the submission thing. It's also on both ends. I know that boundaries are a big part of submission. So I know that, like, what a misstep would look like. I know what the repercussions are. If I went out and slept with somebody tomorrow, I know that he's walking away. I think a lot of women are in relationships where they know they can push the limits, where they know that they can still talk to their guy friends and they know they can still seek male validation and they're going to be forgiven for it and it's going to be forgotten. And it also, it goes both ways. He knows that his actions have repercussions too. Like, it's very clear, like, what the respect looks like in our relationship. So I think that's another big factor of it that's not really talked about in the whole submission argument. There is a lot of. There's a lot of respect that goes into submission. It's. It's not. I think people look at it as this very disrespectful word.

I feel you. I most. From my experience, the. That word for me represents more of an energetic connotation, meaning I've noticed as a man, as I more step into how having. And I will use another word that's very triggering for a lot of women is this. This is a. Is a dominating role. And I say that because now I understand how to apply it in a healthy way. A dominating energy, which means my presence, the. The depth of presence that I can bring into the relationship when that depth is so. Is so strong. The, the level of energy it almost envelops. It envelops women. Right. When a man is so connected with who. Who he is and you can feel life so fully and he's so grounded in his balls, that energy envelops. And that is what. What I, I sense and I see in my partner's reflection is that submissive nature. Nature come through when I'm in that healthy grounding. When I'm not. When I'm not. She's not able to. To. To submit or to surrender because she just doesn't feel safe in my energy because I don't. I haven't built the foundation there. It's not solid. And the more I'm understanding that, the more you can. You can have this conversation in another way without those words being so, like, I don't want a man to dominate me. That's. That's toxic. Well, no, no, you want a man to. To hold you in such a way that you can let go. And that's almost. It almost requires you to be dominated energetically by. By such. By such depth. Right. And that's how we. We work together. Like the masculine and feminine works together in that part. Right. The man can take a woman deep and then she just unlocks more depth in him when. When they're both at that level. I don't know if you can relate to that, but that's just. That's been my experience in, you know, how I've been trying to show up more. More fully for my partner and what it's meant, you know, because they're suppressed. Those aspects are what we. We find is being suppressed in men with, with the domination, the. The controlled aggression, the assertiveness, all of these labeled toxic traits that masculinity has now been at most men have put to the side. But when you integrate your darkness like that, it's almost like you unlock this. This deeper level of power that is what allows women to feel safe.

Yeah, my. I forget the exact saying that. That my boyfriend uses. I know. I think it's a Jordan Peterson quote. Something about the having a woman in your life allows you to unleash your, like, inner monster while taming it. It's a Jordan Peterson quote. I don't know what it is off the top of my head, but it goes along with everything we're saying. I'll have to look it up after this. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you see being the biggest change that's going to happen in the future in the realm of relationships? Dating. We're in an interesting time with the amount of online Dating and all these onlyfans girls showing up. You know, I think the statistic is, you know, 20% of the men, you know, get 80% of the girls type thing. How do you see the landscape of relationships and dating shifting going forward into the future?

Well, I talked about this a couple weeks ago, the idea of fifth wave feminism, I think a lot of people will debate which wave of feminism we're in. I introduced the concept of this a couple weeks ago. But the idea of fifth wave feminism, I think that's where we're going to end up seeing the whole feminist fight conclude. I think it's going to be fifth wave feminism and the final wave of feminism. I think we're going to see women embracing the traditional roles, returning to the things that actually serve them and the things that make them happy and the things that make them women. I think that's where we're going to see women go. I think we're going to start to see our side become the louder voices soon, hopefully. I also have a lot of thoughts on onlyfans. I think that's going to be short lived, honestly. I don't think onlyfans are sustainable. I think with the change in the movement, men will start to realize that things like that are actually making them weaker. So I hope that's something that does die very quickly. And I think the masculinity, the fight for masculinity, I think it will be successful. I know that a lot of people are wishing for its downfall, but I think we will see a lot of success in that movement. And I think it's going to take people like the Andrew Tate to the world to make an impact. Even though people don't like him and even though I disagree with some things he says, I think there are a lot of very important people in the fight right now that are making a difference.

Definitely, definitely. I feel that. And eventually truth, deeper truth starts to just rise to the surface purely because it's, it's operating at a different frequency, it's felt differently. You feel truth in your body. And I, I get the sense that more and more people are realizing what feels right, what doesn't. Regardless of if it's what everyone else is saying. Something just feels off sometimes, right? It's like the whole covert thing. Something just feels off. And if you're tuned into that, you get to make decisions from a more evolved place, you know, and like I said earlier, I really feel like we're just going to start to come together in tribes, new tribes are going to start to form. I already feel it out here, here in Tulum in Mexico. You feel it out in other places like Bali. It's just like tribes of people coming together who are on a similar wavelength. And I have no inclination or no calling to go back to big cities anymore. But purely because of that, I just. It's just too much incoherence, you know what I mean? And I, I feel this is where the, the shift, the shift happens and for the, for those who. Maybe. Because I know a lot of people sometimes struggle in the world of relationships. They struggle that they, they want to find someone, they want to find what we're talking about, right? This, this, this connection. But they, they just, it's just not showing up, you know, and sometimes maybe it is the environment, maybe it's where you are, that you're just in the wrong pool. You're on the wrong pool of people to really get you. Billy, this has been a really great conversation. I've thoroughly enjoyed this and I really feel like some of the topics we've explored here may unlock some insights or shift some perspectives in those listening. And I really feel like you're just getting started in this work. And it's been so amazing to just witness you and I've been following for the kind of the last six to 12 months to witness you kind of evolve and step into the space. It's been phenomenal and I'd love to know more about how far do you want to take this? What's kind of your vision here? What's the impact that you want to have on the world?

Well, the next step is YouTube. My dream has always been YouTube. So that's going to be the next step in the content creation realm. And I genuinely feel like this has only been very recent. I feel like my calling is to be the leader of the fifth wave of feminism. That's what I want my legacy to be. I don't know what that's going to look like, but I hope that's how I'm remembered.

Well, I love it. This is it. This is it right here. April. April 7, 2023. I heard it here first, folks. The lead, the new leader, my friend. Where can people, where can people connect with you online? Where can people learn more about what you're on up to at the moment? I know. Is Tik Tok getting banned, by the way? Is this actually happening? Like we're going to reach out?

Tik Tok, honestly, Tik Tok has tanked for me, so I don't really care at this point. But you can find me on all platforms at Billy Raybrand. It's the same for every platform. And I think Instagram and YouTube are going to be my. My platforms.

And what about, like, do you have, like, a course? Do you have a podcast? Do you have. How can people go deeper into what you're doing? Not yet.

So I don't have a course yet. I haven't done coaching either. It's something I would like to eventually get into, but it's not something I have yet. So.

Yeah, watch this space. Watch this space. All right, my friend, thank you so much. Before we sign off, is there anything that you feel like you didn't get to say that you feel like would be a good one? Way to round out this conversation just for people listening, something they maybe need to hear right now? Based on what we just discussed, I.

Feel like we pretty much covered it. I think that the point I made about men being heard and that there are women out there is very important. I think it's very important for men to know that there are women out there with your values. They just might not be the ones that are willing to speak up, but you will find them.

And I'll say the reverse for the women watching, just know that there are men out there who are doing this work, who do uphold some of these authentic ways of being that we've speak and spoken about. And I'm just about to finish a men's program, 25 guys. And I can tell you with confidence, those dudes are powerhouses. And I'm so. I'm filled with so much hope, you know, every time I do this. So I say that to women. Just have faith. They're here, they're in the background, they're showing up. So it goes both ways. Have trust, my friend. Thank you so much. You're amazing. I appreciate you. Your courage and your authenticity and your creativity is just so admirable. Keep doing what you're doing. It's been an absolute joy to have you on here.