SSP130: The Silent Spiral and Men’s Mental Health with Tom Fitzgibbon

Hey, what's going on?

My friend Jordan Candlish here. Welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for being here, man. I've had a wild four to five weeks, a lot of expansion happening in my world. I left Tulum about a month ago to come back to Canada to fulfill upon one of the main goals that I set for myself in 2023, which was to host my first retreat. And it feels so amazing to having fulfilled that, to achieve that, to accomplish that because of how rewarding it was to witness 15 powerful men coming together from all over the world to really unite and to step forward, to lean in, to get uncomfortable, to embark on a journey of just bettering themselves. And I just wanted to celebrate all the men that were involved in the retreat. And on the other side of it, it's just unlocked so much in me. I feel like it really has leveled me up in terms of a coach and a facilitator and was also something that I feel like I really needed, you know, just to get away five days in nature with, with other men and to just breathe, relax, celebrate, release all the. All the things, you know, all the things that, you know, sometimes we don't make time for in our lives because we're so busy. And it confirmed to me that running retreats will be something that I do for the rest of my life. So if you're a man listening to this and you missed that, the most recent retreat, rest assured there's going to be many more. I'll be doing this till the day I die. And yeah, I just wanted to record this quick little episode for you to share one of the amazing stories of a brother, a friend, one of the participants in the path and who flew all the way out from Perth, Western Australia to be at the retreat. And his name is Thomas Fitzgibbons. He's from my hometown in Perth, Western Australia, and he's 20 years old. And when I first met Tom, it was so inspiring to me to just see these young leaders stepping forward and to witness this man go all in in this journey has really just like just reassured me as to why this work is so important, why have me making content is so important because that's how he found me. And I wanted to bring him on here so that you can feel inspired by what's emerging in this younger generation. So this is a short little dialogue interview, you could say, with Tom Fitzgibbons that we recorded in Toronto before we dispersed. And he went on in his travels and I'm went on, on my travel. So enjoy the episode today, guys. And at the time of this recording, we still have a few days left to take on some extra men in the path, which is the four month men's program that I facilitate that Tom's been through. So if you're hearing this, you're like, shit, I want to jump in before time runs out. Just send me a DM on Instagram @jordancanla show1 and we'll, we'll get you all set up and running. So enjoy this interview or this conversation with Tommy Fitzgibbons. My man. What's going on, mate?

Just living it up in Toronto.

How's it feel to be out here?

It's insane. Insane. Yeah. I actually can't believe I'm here.

Just a young lad from Midland.

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

How did you end up here, bro?

Well, it all started with the path. I did that 12 week path course. Absolutely changed my life. The trajectory of where I was going, everything. And then the retreat. So, yeah, that retreat. Oh my God, My God. So powerful. So powerful that I just had to stay in Toronto.

Yeah.

So I was actually meant to fly out like a day after the retreat.

Right, right, right. So you extended your stay.

Yeah, extended it, yeah. I'm so grateful I did.

Same, same. Dude, tell me what, what has it been like as a young 20 year old to step into this work, you know, especially where you're from, like Midland, you could say is almost like the hood of Western Australia. And I wouldn't imagine there's too many of your friends who are kind of into this kind of stuff. How's it been for you to step into this and go all in at your age?

Scary. Scary. I'm not gonna lie. It's very, you know, I get nervous with a lot of it sometimes I get imposter syndrome thinking, who do I think I am, you know, stepping into this or doing this? But it's very rewarding. Very rewarding. Seeing from where I was when I was 15 after losing my dad to where I am now, it's just like I don't even recognize myself, you know, in such a good way, such a powerful way. But yeah, there's times where I sit there and I think, oh, am I doing the right thing? Like, you know, but wouldn't change it.

Dude, what was the thing? Because I'm sure there are a lot of 20 year olds have probably seen my content come up on their social media feeds. What was it about you that caused you to. To stop and be like, I need to be in this because it A. It's rare. It's very rare.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, at the start of this year, I was going through the hardest part of my life. I was in the darkest place possible, and I just knew something needed to change. I was just sort of like, I can't keep carrying on this way. So I'd been following your content for a couple months. It's crazy. It had only been since September, you know, and then January, I was like, boom, let's get it.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I was just in a really dark place and something had to give me, and I just thought, well, I can't do it myself. So, you know, I gotta put myself in positions that I'm surrounded by people that are where I want to be, you know?

F, man, it's big because, like, talking about it is one thing, but then doing it like you've done is another, which is really inspiring to me. And on the retreat especially, there were some moments that were really uncomfortable for you, bro. I remember especially Danny's workshop and a few of the things where, you know, you wanted to just get the fuck.

Out of there, you know, what.

What came up for you in some of the. At the retreat especially, that was most, you know, illuminating for you in your journey.

The anger release was massive for me. Massive. I've always felt anger in, like, you know, very, very tight, and then it would come out in very toxic ways. But that anger release, when I tell you I couldn't walk for like, 20 minutes after that, it was insane. That was probably the most powerful thing I've ever done. Wow. Yeah. Like screaming at someone standing in front of me, making direct eye contact, and then just standing there and holding space and not punching them, like. You know what I mean? That was. I've never experienced euphoria like that afterwards.

Yeah, because for you previously in a, like, past life, right before you stepped into this work, what was. What was your way of dealing with kind of anger and the pain that you. You.

You went drinking? Drinking was. I'd just numb the pain. And food.

Food.

I would eat a lot, and then I would get depressed about myself, about the way I look. I'd get angry, get angry at things that have happened to me. I drink and then it just spiral from there. Yeah.

And this is, like, common for. For a lot of men, especially Australia, right. Like where. Where we grew up, you know, in Perth, It's. It's such a beautiful place to live, but spoken about this kind of undercurrent of darkness that is beneath the surface there, and it comes from A lot of the trauma from our dads that gets passed down. What did you witness or what have you witnessed in your time growing up in Perth that causes a lot of men to turn to these dark habits that keep them stuck.

Well, there's many, many dark habits that everyone refuses to face and refuses to admit they even have. But just a lack of communication and it's such a simple thing. Yeah, but a lack of being able to go to your mate and being like, hey, man, I'm struggling, like, you know, can we grab a coffee? It's always like, you know, if something good happens, let's have a beer. If something bad happens, let's have a beer. No matter what, it's always surrounded by alcohol and it's just such a toxic relationship with it that causes it to spiral. Then it happens after work and it happens at lunch, at work, and it just becomes this addiction that just spirals and spirals. People don't even realize.

Big time, big time. So what's going to be different for you now going forward in terms of, hey, if the mate does want to say, bro, that's gonna get up this weekend, let's go and party. Like, what is. Yeah, what is going to be different for you after now this experience going back home?

Intention, intention around what I'm doing is massive. Massive. And setting boundaries, you know, I was that people pleaser that, you know, I'd get a call on a Friday night and I'm not feeling it, I'd be like, yeah, I'll still do it, you know, because I didn't want to let anyone down or I didn't want anyone to, you know, degrade me for not wanting to go out because alcohol is the only thing that if you say you're not doing it, people think you have a problem. So I'm just going to set my boundaries.

Yeah.

100 and that was the biggest thing I've been taught, is setting boundaries.

I love, I love that people back home will especially think like, ah, man, why are you going to even a pussy? Like, they, they. People start to think that you're better than them or they start to project their shit onto you for trying to take a step. I've experienced this as well. It's difficult, man. It's almost like the Tall Poppy syndrome. Back home, you're doing something different than all of us. They'll try and chop you down. For us, it takes courage, it takes strength, dude. I know for you that, you know, your family, your mom and you have a sister as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been a big part in you maturing at such a young age. Yeah. Tell me a little bit more about that. What was required from you because you lost your dad?

Yeah, when I was 15.

15. What, what changed after that?

Well, I just kind of took on the role of like, I've got to be the man of the house now, you know what I mean? And that was sort of a. It was an unspoken thing almost. That's just how I felt. And just looking at them and in the dark place we were when my dad died, it was just sort of like, I've got to step up, you know what I mean? And I sort of hit a lot of emotions by doing that because, you know, even my mum still says to me today, like, you're my rock. Like, yeah, you know, my emotional rock. And I sort of took that responsibility on as a 15 year old, which was so unhealthy. But it's of no fault of anyone's. It's just that's the way it was. But without them, I wouldn't be where I am. You know, my sister is such a beacon for, you know, who I want to be. You know, she's just such a role model and so is my mum. Like, you know, she's provided my whole life. So if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. 100%.

Yeah.

But I just know how to go about it better now.

Big time, bro. It's. It's really inspiring, brother. Yeah. And what would you say to other young men who are maybe behind this? Listening to your story or listening to the path that you've walked, figuratively and literally, you know, what would you want to say to them? What are some words of encouragement or inspiration that you could put pass on to maybe another man who's struggling?

Just stay true to yourself. Don't bend, don't break, don't fold, don't quit. Just stay true to yourself. 100. If you're trying to achieve anything, if you're sick of starting over, stop giving up.

Love you, brother.

Love you.

Thank you for coming out here. This is really special.

Appreciate it.

Until next time.

There we have it, my friend. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. One last thing before you take off.

I want to tell you a little.

Bit about the path, which is a four month men's program that I facilitate. Enrollments are currently open. And if you're a man listening to this or you know, a man that may feel the call to step into a men's program and men's group, then this is the opportunity for him. And if you're tuning into my content, if you're here, you're listening to this, there's some sort of resonance through what I'm putting out. There's something that's calling you to step into this work. And I have decided that I wanted to, you know, create opportunities, men to come together to attract the right kinds of men who are willing to support each other in this journey. And what the path is. It's a four month men's program where we go into each of the domains, all of the domains of a man's life, his relationships, his finances, his spirituality, his health, his fitness, all the areas to help him achieve full potency. And we do this through a very specific, measurable track program where we have structure and we have accountability and we have guidance. And essentially we meet every week, we come together, we measurably track progress in each of these areas and we have safe spaces where we can open up around other men to release the things we've been holding onto, to release the blockages that holding us back from being true, authentic, grounded warriors in this earth. And if you're here, you know the urgency, you know the need for this kind of work, especially for us men to step into this new level of leadership. So I just wanted to let you know that we're now taking enrollments for the next round. It's something that I really feel that this is my heart and soul's calling to bring this work to fellow men, to fellow brothers like yourself. So if you head over to thepathbrotherhood.com you'll be able to learn more information about the path, what it's about and how to apply. And if there's something in your soul that's resonating with what I'm sharing, then please follow that, follow that calling. Because on the other side of it is a whole new realm of possibility, power and confidence that will just start to emit from you. It will emanate out of you. You deserve it, my friend. You fucking deserve it. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you and hopefully we'll see you on the inside. Take care.