SSP144: Lessons From My Last 3 Months of Solo Travel

Hey, what's going on, guys? It's Jordan Kanlis here, speaker, coach and founder of State Shifters. And you're listening to the State Shifters Podcast, a show designed to help conscious achievers master their internal state and break free from the limiting patterns that are keeping them stuck. So you can live a life of passion, purpose and freedom. And on this podcast, you're going to receive everything you need to evolve physically, emotionally, spiritually. And you're going to be getting the tools, the strategies, the live coaching interviews, all from conscious creators who are also living their purpose and leaving their mark on the world. And really, it's my belief that we're all capable of greatness. And once we have the courage to own our pain and learn the lessons from our past, we can create a future built around our purpose. And my intention with this show is to really give you the resources you need to help to tap into your unique soul mission and really live life from a beautiful state of being. So with that being said, if you want more tools, resources or guidance in your journey, head on over to stateshifters.com if you want to join my free Facebook community, you can click the link in the show description. And if you're interested in getting help from me or some mentoring, if you want to accelerate your evolution and move beyond these limiting patterns that are holding you back, feel free to drop me an email jordanateshifters.com or you can head on over to the website state stateshifters.com work with me and we can tee up a call. So without further ado, guys, enjoy today's episode. Great to be with you. Dropping in here from Cape Town, South Africa. Wanted to share some insights, some clarity over the last couple of months. It's been, I've been on this journey of traveling, exploring lots of new chapters for me over these last little bit. I guess that's kind of been the theme for this year for me. Lots of moving around, lots of exploring, lots of adventuring, lots of first times. For me, being out in Africa is a first time and I wanted to, I guess, share some of what's come up for me during this time in the African continent. Been really enjoying my time in Cape Town. So if there's anyone watching or listening, if you're from Africa or South Africa specifically, love your country. It's fucking beautiful. Amazing people out here. The food's great. Came at probably the worst time, which is winter. It's been raining, pouring the last last few days, but that's what you expect when you come out Somewhere in winter. Right. But I'm still having a great time nonetheless. I'll be here for one more week. I wanted to share with you guys some, some perspectives or lessons that I've taken from all the traveling I've done over the last few months. And then also what insights have come up for me as well as I navigate my relationship and my business. Throughout all of that, you know, I'm choosing to play life in a unique way and I'm playing life on the edge of the unknown, which comes with its pros and cons, of its cons nonetheless. But the reason why I came to South Africa was I got to attend a retreat, a four day men's retreat, which was involved in a game reserve just near Kruger National Park. And the purpose of that retreat was all about tracking your life and learning to track animals. And I got to spend time with some of the most advanced animal trackers here on earth, like this sacred aboriginal art, art form where we got to go out on the land and follow trails, follow tracks, track down lions and rhinos. We actually got to spend a night out in the wilderness, camping out there, learning from the land. And it was such a unique experience for me because I've always had a calling towards nature. I've always felt, you know, this, this palpable energy, this sensitivity when I'm out in nature and it just opens the line of clarity for me. And then to immerse in the, in the wilderness or the reserve you here in Africa, where you've got the big five game animals, you know, your elephants, your rhinos, your leopards, lions, it's such a unique experience. And what I took from that was ultimately nature. And animals have so much to teach us, obviously. And what I learned, what I, what I got was a very clear understanding of, you know, my purpose and my mission on the other side of that. So if you're ever getting feeling like you're lost or confused or you're lacking the direction or the path you're here to walk in life, go back out into nature. You'll always get the direct lessons that you need. So I've been in Africa for a couple of weeks since attending that retreat. And then all the while over the last three months, my, my partner and I, we had been spending time in different countries. So I hadn't seen my girlfriend Amanda in like three months. So I've been on these experiences where I went out to Bali, I was living in Bali for a few weeks, went back to my hometown in Perth, Western Australia. And then I Had my, my trip in Africa, so I'm doing all this traveling around and my girlfriend was spending time in Lisbon and. And it was a unique thing to go back into almost doing a long distance relationship. Good to see you. Thanks. Thanks. Nakama doom Mal. Good to see you. And the uniqueness of being away from your partner for a while while also having these experiences is you're almost having two separate lives. And for any, anyone that's done a long distance relationship on here, and just to give you some context, I've been with my girlfriend for nine years and we've spent probably collectively two years of that apart in different countries because she's from Canada, I'm from Australia. We're both choosing to live our life where we travel and want to explore. And there came a point in our relationship probably six months ago where we realized that our paths were going in two separate directions. And it's really difficult when you're in a relationship and you recognize that shit. Maybe we need to, we need to be apart for a little bit. It's hard, right? Especially the longer you're in a relationship, the harder that that is to accept. So what ended up happening for us is that we kind of came to an agreement that, hey, like, let's go off on our own individual adventures for the next little bit. And sometimes it's hard for me to explain that to people because they don't get it. They think, oh, like you guys split up or you guys weren't meant to be together. And that wasn't the case. It was just an acknowledgment that it was best for both of us right now to spend some time apart and explore where our curiosities were taking us. Because what happens in a long term relationship when you're spending so much time around that person, you can very easily get a mess. Your values, your interests, your likes, your curiosities can become enmeshed. And that's why I'm a firm believer, especially for the men on here. What's up, lads? Good to have you here as well. Good to see you guys. It's been a little while since I've dropped in and shared some insights with you. But for the men on here, it's so important to have that time away from your significant other, your time away from your family. Because it's during that where you get to naturally follow your curiosities and live a life that's authentic to you. And what I found is if you cannot be okay on your own, if you cannot fully make peace and Enjoy being in your own company. It becomes very difficult to create a life with someone else where you can authentically thrive and live together. Does that make sense? You guys with me on that, I can't emphasize the importance of that enough. B, create time to be on your own. And it doesn't maybe have to be the extreme of what I've just done, where, you know, we've spent three months apart and I've traveled to different parts of the world and explored my own journey. Because the danger of that is, is you can very easily drift, drift in different directions and not come back together. Right? And that's the challenge that came up for us in my relationship while we were apart for so long. And particularly being in different time zones. It's like, how do you kind of make room or space in your life if, you know, when I'm waking up, she's going to bed, or we're in completely different lenses, she's in a European summer, I'm out here in a Perth winter cold. You know, there's different aspects to consider when you decide to spend time away from your significant other. Now give it that. If you have children and you're in a relationship, we have a family, this is obviously a little bit more difficult. I understand that. But I don't have kids yet, which is why we chose to do this. So I've done a bunch of traveling. I've traveled to three different countries, three different continents now this year. And a lot of that was done with myself on my own. Good to see you, Alistair. Thanks for being here, brother. And as a man, what that, what that brought for me was a deeper level of understanding of my purpose, which is what I shared with you at the start of this call, that four, four day men's retreat out in nature. Being around lions, elephants and learning from these animals, being around other men primarily allowed me to focus very clearly on, like, what was my expression, what does this next level of evolution look like in my life? And as men, when you do that, when you give that to yourself, you get the clarity on your mission, on why you're here. And then what ends up happening is what I got to do is I got to reflect on my relationship. I got to zoom out and look at how was I showing up in my relationship and how can I be better? Because what I've gotten really good at in my life is leading myself. I'm good at taking care of my own internal world, my own internal domain. But then what ends up happening is you start living with another person, then Holy shit, it's back to square one. Because you've got a whole bunch of new things to learn, a whole new level of responsibility to take into that, which is, I think a lot of people struggle with. Soon as you move in with another person, how much harder does it get when you're in a relationship, right? You got to communicate your boundaries. You've got to get better at communicating where you're at emotionally. And what I noticed after coming back together, you know, with my partner, after not seeing her for three months, I was like, well, this is challenging now because this is requiring more of me to notice how there's a. There's a stretch either way. Spending time on your own can stretch you to a certain degree. But if you're spending too much time on your own, then I've noticed as a man, for me, it can be easy. Like it's easy for me to spend time, you know, on my own and traveling. I find that quite, you know, I'm competent at that now. But then you start doing it with someone else, then all of a sudden you, like I said that that can be challenging and that that can be a stretch in a positive way too. So it's about knowing when, when do you move, take that next step in a relationship. When do you want to live together? Because what I found in our relationship, now, as we go to the next level right now, we've been apart, we've evolved individually, we come together, and now we evolve the relationship that there's those three entities, right? There's this three facets of growth that are happening for you if you were in a relationship. There's your individual growth, there's your partner's growth, and then there's the relationship as it's own separate thing, as that grows, which then requires time, attention, it requires a level of, you know, reflection. Like you would grow a business, you would make a plan, you would look at, okay, where are we going and how can we start to make this thing better? How do we build stronger foundations? How do we ensure this business is solid? You do that in a relationship too. And that's what my girlfriend and I did when we got back together. There was areas where we could improve. There was areas where I could have shown up better. And what I found is a lot of men who run businesses, me included, is that you can have your finger on the pulse in your business, you can be leading in your business and taking care of certain aspects. But then when it comes to your relationship, if you fall into patterns of being passive, right if you're not taking the lead in your relationship in a, in a way or in a healthy way, what can happen is there can be dynamics that show up where, you know, your partner may feel like you don't care that she doesn't care about you as much, or your partner may feel like you're lacking in some areas, which is why knowing what you need to take responsibility for in your relationship is absolutely key. So for the men on here, there are little things in your relationship that you can start to practice being better at. And the way I've been doing that is I will plan out my day or plan out my week. I'll plan out what needs to get done in my business, but then I'll look at my relationship and plan out how can I show up better in my relationship this week when what are some little things that I can take care of for my girlfriend? So she, you know, the burden of decision making is not, you know, overcoming her life. What are some little things that I can do for her that show that I actually care? I'm caring about her. What are, what are the, what are the ways I need to communicate better in my relationship? How can I give her more insight as to what's going on inside of my world so she's not kind of guessing or making assumptions and things like that? So there's, there's this extra level of responsibility when you live with someone else. If you want to have a healthy relationship, especially if you want to run a business, especially if you want to travel the world, there's this, all these extra things that come with that. Right. And that's what I'm learning as I now step into, you know, I turned 30 a couple of months ago and that's, there's a whole new level of maturity that I'm noticing that's coming along with that. Also, being in a nine year relationship, there's every little step of the way there's been these little areas that we've evolved together as a couple, and you're probably going through that too. You know, wherever you're at in your individual journey, there is another level that's always required soon. So I want you to reflect on that and think about it too. But the one that I just mentioned, which is communication is absolutely essential. Now, one of the biggest things that I've seen men not do is, you know, express or share consistently to their partners what's going on inside of their world. And I've heard this from a lot of the women that I speak to my partner shared this with me as well. And then sometimes she's saying that, like she. She feels like sometimes there's not, you know, there's this. Not this level of care and attentiveness that I'm bringing to the relationship. Maybe you felt that too, from your partner that they don't care about you as much, or they're not expressing their love to you in a way in which you need it. And sometimes for men, a man can just be going through something, and sometimes a man is just feeling a bit off. And what I will tend to do is, like, just. I would go in, I go quite avoidant. I'll pull away. I'll just be in my own world. And when you're living with someone else, especially a woman, she'll pick up on that. No, lads, your. Your. Your partner, your woman will notice because she's more sensitive. She'll pick up on these little disconnects in the energy she'll feel if something's off. And she brings that to you, if she expresses that to you. Hey, what's going on? Like, Phil, are you okay? Is everything all right? Like, is there something wrong? If you don't communicate authentically what's actually going on inside of your world, and you play the nice guy and just say, yeah, everything's fine, I'm good, then that creates distrust inside of her. She starts to pick up on that, and she starts. She will start to trust you less because you're not being authentic and direct. And that's a big thing. That's. If in my relationship that's been a huge thing is to be much more authentic with where I'm at. And sometimes just saying, like, this is where I'm at today. This is where I'm. I'm needing today. And like, that's it. It allows for the. For her, your partner, to just feel a lot more assured. You know, her nervous system feels a lot safer when she gets that from her man. Because all of a sudden she's not guessing. She's not, you know, confused about where things are at in the relationship. So that's been a really big thing for me that I wanted to pass on for you guys in terms of relationship level ups. And, you know, as now I'm here, I'm here in Cape Town, I've decided to do another week on my own. My girlfriend, she's gone back to Lisbon. And again, having that time as a man to be on your own, to also, you know, kind of get clear on where your edges have been dulled and I'll elaborate what I mean by that, but sometimes what I found is when you're spending too much time around women, you can. You can almost like, fall into patterns of just going with the flow, patterns of just allowing yourself to enjoy the pleasures. And as a man, not kind of have, you know, scope or presence or have that level of masculine stability or depth. Because if you just give yourself too much winds up happening is you lose that and there's. There's the challenge in men, right? So how do you have boundaries in your relationship so that you have enough time to. To yourself, to keep that depth, to keep that presence, that stability? So when you are around your partner, you're not losing that edge. You're not kind of like eating thing, eating whatever you want, thinking it's okay to just be in, like, be in your feminine mode all the time. And yeah, Aaron, glad you relate to that, bro. Because ultimately, women are spending more. They're more in their sensuality, they're more in their feminine essence. And as a man, it's okay for us to be in that place sometimes, but we don't always. We don't reside there. Right. Our woman, our ladies, are relying on us to have kind of like our perspective up and above. Like, the masculine is like kind of that eagle that's aware of what's happening, can see what's happening, is holding the frame for the feminine to flow. As a man in a relationship, it's so important to uphold that, to maintain that. And what I found is being on my own is I can. I can go into a phase where I'll clear out anything that's dulling my edge or my sharpness, my clarity, or my presence. And more specifically, what dulls our edge as a man is the little distractions, you know, is the. Is the little things that we do just to, like, so that we don't have to be with ourselves. It's the little things that we give ourselves. These little instant pleasures, we all know what they are, right? You know, for me, sometimes it's food. You know, I'm a Taurus in nature, so I love my food, I love my earthly pleasures. And what I found is when I'm not, you know, when I'm not attentive and I'm not setting boundaries and I'm not being disciplined with my. My needs, with. With what I need, I can fall into those earthly pleasures, which dulls my edge, right? Dulls my sensitivity. I remember as a man, the more sensitive and grounded and more aware you are, the more you can Support your partner. The more you can, the more you can have foresight as to how you can lead her and support her in a relationship. Right? So when I'm on my own, I will sometimes, like, find fast from things like sugar. I'll try and, you know, have time to myself. I'll try and, like, train harder at the gym. I'll try and, like to sharpen up when I'm sleeping, how I'm waking up, creating this, like, really consistent rhythm. And how you're showing up in the world so that when you then return back to the relationship, you return back to spending time around your partner, you've got yourself dialed in. And then the next step then becomes, how do you maintain that when you're together? Right? So hope this is making sense. Let me know if this has been helpful, but it's good to see you guys. Good to be here. Hanging out in Cape Town for one more week. It's fucking awesome. Weather's not so good, though. But I had a few more things written down that I want to share with you guys. I feel like it's important. So that was one thing for the men. Don't get too lazy when you're spending time around your woman, right? And the way that you do that is just uphold certain standards. You look at your life and go, what are the standards that I need to uphold for myself so I can show up powerfully for her? Showing up powerfully means seeing her emotionally holding, you know, the space for emotions, not being overwhelmed by uncomfortable conversations. I'm glad, Aaron. Glad it resonated. So plan ahead is really key. Like, as a man, have a kind of have a plan for what's happening in your life, in your business, in your relationship. What do you then need to prioritize day to day feed to be able to follow through on that plan? So little things like journaling practices that I'll do every single week, every single month, and then every single day to almost review my life, review how I'm showing up. You know, comparison is a beautiful thing. If you're comparing yourself to only one person and that's yourself, compare yourself with yourself, review your life based on how you showed up yesterday and the day before, and then go, okay, how can I be better today? So I try to only compare myself with the old version of me. And that really helps with how I show up in my relationship too. You know, something that also I find, you know, if you are living with your partner, I find that for a lot of men that I speak with the habit of Waking up before your woman is a good. As a good habit to get into, because then you can really sit with and tune into. Where are you at today? What kind of. What level of support can you bring today? What's your. What's your level of presence or your level of clarity today? And if it's, you know, that level of clarity, you get to then bring in. Into a communication. So when your partner does wake up, you know where you're at, and you're. You've got a clear sense as to what kind of support and attention you can provide to her. What will happen is if you don't wake up and create that space for yourself and you just flow into the day and you're just spending time with her immediately, all of a sudden, you're losing touch with. With where you're at. You're losing touch with, like, what's true. Right? Right. And what's real inside of you. And what's true. And what's real is what you feel. What's true and what's real is what's happening inside of your body in this moment. If you're not in touch with that, if you're not in tune with that, you can get lost. You can get lost in thinking. You get lost in impulsivity, right? And for us men, it's so important to stay grounded in what's true. So having adequate space where you're listening to the body or listening to, you know, this present moment, you know, there's so much available to us here in this now moment that when we just sharpen our senses and tune in, we get insights, we get information, we get understandings. So I try to make that a primary purpose. Every single day is like, have time where I can slow down and tune in and listen. It's a really powerful skill because ultimately, you can't listen to someone in a relationship deeply if you haven't spent time listening to yourself deeply. So however that looks for you, whether it's some sort of practice, ritual, or ceremony every single day where you set it up and you tune into, listening to your body, what information does your body have to bring to you today? And then there's a larger level of listening which is tuning into, you know, the collective. The collective consciousness, this collective intelligence which is operating the body, which is feeding life into your body, right? That. That is on a grander level. But when you can start to tune into those two domains, because your body is the entry point to that divine intelligence. Call it God, call it spirit, call it the life force. Energy that pulsates this entire universe, the entry point to it is through your body. So the more you can be in your body, you know, the higher your body starts to vibrate energetically, the higher level of, you know, attunement you have, right? And then the higher that attunement, the more effortless this divine intelligence can express itself through you. I really believe that just become, then becomes our primary purpose and priority in our life is then being unapologetic. Where that, that higher intelligence is trying to express itself in your world, specifically, where is it trying to move you? Where is that intelligence trying to move you? So number one responsibility is listen to it. Listen to what is the intelligence that's operating my body and where's it trying to move me today? And then have the courage, have the courage to listen and follow the path that it's moving you. You know, sometimes can be easy to justify why he shouldn't do things. I had booked this retreat to South Africa many months ago. Like last year, there was a wait list. I booked this retreat. It was really expensive to come out here. For me, there's a lot of reasons why my mind told me not to do it, but my body and this intelligence that's operating this physical vessel told me that, hey, I want to go to Africa. I want to go experience this, right? So then we come down to do we have the courage to act on those? Clarity. We have the courage to act on a clarity or a piece of information that's beyond the mind's comprehension. Do you have the courage to move with that? Because what I've learned is when you do move with that and you trust, you trust that it's taking you exactly where you need to be, all of a sudden things start to unlock, things start to expand around you, and all of a sudden you start to understand exactly what's next in your journey, both individually and collectively. This happened. This all started for me when I was 22 and I was working in a corporate accounting job. I was an accountant. And I realized that this wasn't the path. You know, I ignored what this divine intelligence was trying to tell me, and I ended up in a path that wasn't meant for me. And it took me about a year to actually slow down and listen to like, where, where am I meant to go? What is my path? And sometimes the, the answer you're seeking will start off as a whisper. It'll be very quiet. Quit your job, travel here, or like, you know, go live in this different location. Or maybe it's like start sharing this thing. Like whatever the thing is that God or the high intelligence wants you to do will start off as a whisper. The more you listen to it, the more it will just become a lot more apparent, more loud, more clear. And then eventually your life is then led by that and you realize that no one else can have, no one else has the answers for you. Only you have the answer. Only you have the answers to what is meant to happen for your life. And all you have to do is make time every single day to listen, to listen to what is this intelligence trying to, trying to say or express. So going to go on a bit off, off tangent here, but that's what's coming through, you know, that's what's coming through. If you guys have any questions, more than happy to answer them. While I'm gonna hang out for the next kind of couple of minutes before I head to the gym. But if you have any questions, let me know. But that's been kind of the synopsis of my life the last three months. Got to be in Bali for a couple of weeks, which is amazing home back in Perth, Western Australia. My family was lovely and I have to say that being here in Africa is something really special. So if you ever have the chance to get out to South Africa, which is where I am, magical part of the world that's taught me some really valuable lessons. And the people out here, world class guys. Thank you, thank you for tuning in, really appreciate it. I'll share this on my, on my feed as well if you want to go back and re listen to it. I'll post this in my podcast too. Alright guys, I also have an email course as well. If you want to learn more about how to healthily manage dynamics in relationships and show up more powerfully for your partner, click the link in my bio. I've got a free email course for you there if you want to, if you want to join it. Amazing. Aaron, glad you could be here bro. And yeah, I'm glad you got some clarity, bro. Alright guys, big love. Peace. We'll see you soon. Take care. There we have it. My friend. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. One last thing before you take off, I want to tell you a little bit about the path, which is a four month men's program that I facilitate. Enrollments are currently open and if you're a man listening to this or you know a man that may feel the call to step into a men's program and men's group, then this is the Opportunity for him. And if you're tuning into my content, if you're here, you're listening to this, there's some sort of resonance through what I'm putting out. There's something that's calling you to step into this work. And I have decided that I wanted to, you know, create opportunities for men to come together to attract the right kinds of men who are willing to support each other in this journey and what the path is. It's a four month men's program where we go into each of the domains, all of the domains of a man's life, his relationships, his finances, his spirituality, his health, his fitness, all the areas to help him achieve full potency. And we do this through a very specific, measurable, tracked program where we have structure and we have accountability and we have guidance. And essentially we meet every week, we come together, we measurably track progress in each of these areas and we have safe spaces where we can open up around other men to release the things we've been holding on to, to release the blockages that holding us back from being true, authentic, grounded warriors in this earth. And if you're here, you know the urgency, you know the need for this kind of work, especially for us men to step into this new level of leadership. So I just wanted to let you know that we're now taking enrollments for the next round. It's something that, you know, I really feel that this is my heart and soul's calling to bring this work to fellow men, to fellow brothers like yourself. So if you head on over to the PATH brotherhood, you'll be able to learn more information about the path, what it's about and how to apply. And if there's something in your soul that's resonating with what I'm sharing, then please follow that, Follow that calling. Because on the other side of it is a whole new realm of possibility, power and confidence that will just start to emit from you. It will emanate out of you. You deserve it, my friend. You fucking deserve it. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. And hopefully we'll see you on the inside. Take care.