SSP152: Mother Wound In Men: How It's Affecting Your Relationships

So there is one relationship that shapes the quality and the connection you have with all other women in your life and that is your relationship with your mother. And if you grew up with a dysfunctional, disconnected or maybe less than optimal relationship with your mom, then you may find it difficult to connect with women on emotional level. And that's because there is these underlying mother wounds that are back there that there's not too many people I know who had a perfect relationship with their mom. And it's probably because there was a lack of emotional presence, emotional connection, emotional understanding. And in this video I'm going to break down what is the mother wound? Where does it come from? Most importantly, how we can understand some of these hidden dynamics that are affecting your romantic relationship. And most importantly, how can we heal it? How can we break them and develop a strong connection with the feminine energy in your life so that you can guarantee relationship success and relationship intimacy with the people that you love. So I want to start by breaking down the mother wound. Where does it come from? How does it develop? Well, essentially it starts off by the quality of the connection you have with your mom. Now if your mom was physically present but emotionally absent, then you're going to start to relate with emotions and self expression in a way that doesn't feel safe. Right? Because our mom, the feminine energy is there as the soft, gentle, tender, sensitive, compassionate energy that allows us to feel safe and whatever it is that we're experiencing. Now, if you're like me and you had a mom that was so caring and took care of you and was there for you in so many ways, but she wasn't there for me in certain ways where she could see and understand my world. I remember as a teenager growing up and having certain things and my relationship with women and feeling really embarrassed and shy to express those things to my mom because I knew she couldn't fully understand me and she wasn't capable of bringing that emotional nurturance to support me during some of these intense experiences in a teenager. So my mom was there, but she also wasn't there. And that resulted in me kind of closing off my self expression and resulted in me pulling away some of my emotions and hiding that from the people in my world. And I guess you can probably imagine what ended up happening in my romantic relationships with my girlfriend. When I first started dating her, it was hard for me to express what I was feeling. I often would withhold love from her because I didn't know how to speak about some of the emotions that I was feeling. And that was coming from my mother wound. So another way that the mother wound could show up in your life is maybe your mom was dependent on you for emotional support. Maybe she. She really. She relied on you to be the male's safe space in her life because maybe your dad wasn't that. And now you've developed this belief that you need to be there for the woman in your life, and you sacrifice and compromise yourself in ways to please women because you think that's what you need to do. And you learn that from an early age. Or maybe there was periods of emotional neglect or abandonment in deeper levels where your mom just physically wasn't there in times you really needed it. And this can create a real anxious attachment in your romantic relationships later on in life because you learned that the people that you love leave you. So there's so many dynamics that the mother wound can show up. And it's so important to just take note of the signs of how it's appearing in your life right now. And it usually appears in your romantic relationship. So you look at who you've attracted or who you're currently with, and you may notice there's some commonalities, there's some patterns on an emotional, energetic level to your initial relationship with your mom. You know, the pattern of the triggers that come up, or the way your partner, your romantic partner acts around you, or the certain traits that they have may resemble that of your mom. And there's a reason behind that. It's because life or God, or this divine intelligence that's operating through us, it's seeking to resolve any blockages that are causing us to be out of alignment with love. So it brings in the people and the circumstances to trigger your deepest fears so that you can come back to wholeness. So that's why relationships are such a beautiful connection, catalyst for transformation and growth, is because they're just reflecting some of the core wounds that are unresolved within us. So use your relationship with the women in your life. And if you're a man and you're dating a man, there's still beautiful reflections that you get in that. It's all masculine and feminine energy at the end of the day. But the relationship with the women in your life are really showing where some of these mother wounds are. And what tends to happen is if you're ignoring, going into those wounds, ignoring looking in the shadow, then we see these dynamics, and I see this come up in my own life, and some of the men that I've worked with is that we go in these patterns of shutting down when emotions get intense, like pulling away when things feel uncomfortable in relationships, withdrawing love, like I mentioned, sometimes it's even gets to the point where we shut off from emotional conversations altogether and we're disconnected from our intuition. All of this stuff is the feminine quality. So to build sustainable relationships with the women in your life, we need to bring this quality back online. And it got shut off because again, you didn't feel safe in your expression if your mum wasn't there emotionally, you learned that I can't feel safe in my emotional expression. I can't feel safe in all the heaviness and sadness and grief and shame that I'm feeling because my mom doesn't know how to hold that, because she probably didn't know how to hold her own emotions because she didn't have a safe masculine presence to allow that in her life. So the trauma is passed down, right? So it's not our mom's fault, you know, it's just they were doing the best they can with her, the hand they were dealt with. But now you're here to understand this dynamic, to break free from it. But firstly, you got to notice these patterns. I want you to reflect on that. If emotions feel uncomfortable for you, if you're not good at communicating your feelings, that's probably because there's a mother wound back there. And the way we start to break that or break free from that is firstly acknowledging that the key to healthy relationships is an integrated masculine and feminine energy. The woman that you're seeing, the romantic partners in your life, the woman's that you love, they operate on a more energetic, intuitive level. And for us men, it's hard to grasp that because we're very analytical and rational and sometimes in our heads and cut off from that ability. But to develop deep connections with women, we have to get back into the body, right? We have to get in touch with our feminine qualities, which is our body. You remember, the feminine is anything that's changing, that's shifting. The masculine is the things that stay constant. So your emotions are changing, your body is changing, nature is changing and your body is a part of nature. And the more integrated or embodied you are, the more you are in that healthy expression of feminine energy. And the more you can embrace the changing, the flexibility, the fluidity of life, the more you are embodying healthy feminine energy, the more you resist change, the more you're out of your body, the more you're in the world of ration rationale and logic and you compartmentalize life, the more you are disembodied during the unhealthy feminine feminine energy. So the practice for you, my friend, is learn to express your feelings. To break these feminine wounds or these mother wounds, we have to get good at vocalizing what am I feeling in my body with words. And the better you can get at that, the more you're developing authentic expression. And for the woman in your life, that's going to allow build so much more trust. Because I see so many men when emotions are heated or their partner's expressing big emotions to them, they. They shut down, they pull away, right? They close off because it's uncomfortable for that in their nervous system to handle that emotional intensity. Because again, growing up, it wasn't safe to be in intense emotion. So they shut it down. So, but in a relationship, all of a sudden that woman, their partner, is getting really upset. They're getting frustrated because they don't understand what's wrong with their man. They can't trust him. He shuts down. He's not able to hold a safe space for her. So you can see why this is a critical component of healthy relating is having a healthy feminine expression by healing some of these mother wounds. So my suggestion is start with that. Start expressing your truth. Start connecting with your emotions and learning how to communicate that. Do it around the people you love. And then secondly, connect with this divine mother energy in your life. And one way you can do that is connect with nature. Remember, nature is this divine mother energy. And notice animals, how they have this intuitive ability to know when the weather's changing, have this intuitive ability of knowing when to let the young buck go out into the wild because they're ready to now grow and expand. There is this intuitive sense that nature has that you also have, that as men, it's so important we get in contact with that. Especially if you are looking to succeed in a high level in life. That rationale and logic will get you so far. But we must tap into this intuitive felt sense that goes beyond the mind that comes back online when you're in your healthy feminine expression. Now, you may already know women, the women in your life already have that. You know my partner, I love going to her for big questions because sometimes she has an intuitive pulse on things that I don't have because sometimes I'm too on my head. So my suggestion is start to get back into the body to integrate these feminine wounds. Notice some of the patterns when they show up, and then get back into your body and learn to capacitate or relax deeper into the intensity and learn to embrace and love it rather than resist it. And that's how you're going to heal these wounds, man. You don't actually have to psychoanalyze why you have mother wounds or where exactly they've come from. All you really got to do is just notice that there's emotional intensity that's coming up that you're resisting and relax into it. One of my best ways, my favorite ways to do that. When I first started this journey, I was working in a corporate job and I was so disconnected from my feminine expression or my, my, my creativity, which is another form of healthy feminine energy. I was working as an accountant and as I was going through this process of trying to heal my mother wounds, I started to go to yoga. And I realized that through yoga and intuitive movement, which yoga is a very feminine practice, I started to notice that my body came back online. I was getting more into my body. I noticed that I was getting this cloud. I noticed that I was getting better at communicating and being creative. And that was a sign that I was starting to let go of some of the resistance to feeling. So as a man, you want to commit to feeling deeply. The deeper you can feel, the more connected you're going to be to this feminine essence and the more available you're going to be to the people that you love in your life. So I hope that helps and I want you to commit to that because the more you can be integrated as a man, the better of a leader you're going to be for the people that you care about and the success of your business and your career. So if you want to go deeper into this and learn some of the dynamics of how to lead with confidence in your relationship, just click the link in the description. I've created a free 5 day email course to help you love and lead with confidence by integrating some of these masculine feminine energies. And there's a lot of clarity in there that extends upon what I've just shared with you today. But put these things into test, put these things into the practice, lean into the discomfort, and I guarantee you your relationships are going to be successful and you're going to be more embodied.