SSP159: The Truth About Why Your "Manifesting" Isn't Working

You know, there's a reason why you can read all the personal development books, listen to the podcasts, watch all the YouTube videos and understand things intellectually, but not actually see true transformation show up in your life in the form of a new relationship, seeing your bank account change, or really attract new opportunities that align with the true purpose that you're here to live in this lifetime. And in this video, I'm going to explain to you why that's the case, why mentally understanding concepts is not enough to see real results in the areas of your life that actually matter. Some of those areas I just mentioned. And I'm going to break down a process as to what's required to actually embody real change, to actually embody the philosophies and theories that are saturated all around the Internet right now that maybe you are fully absorbing and consuming. And you're here because it's time now to actually put it into action. So I'm going to help you with this today and I going to give you some of the mistakes or share with you some of the mistakes that I learned along my personal development journey. And learning about all of these things and using them sometimes as a distraction, as a coping mechanism, right when I the impulse of thinking that there's something wrong or realizing that you're not where you want to be and then automatically thinking the answer is somewhere out there in the next YouTube video or the next coach or the next podcast or whatever. What this comes down to is a lack of embodiment. And very often it's not more information that is needed. Very often. It's usually less information. What's usually required is more being and less consuming. And I'll share with you how this shows up in my life, in my relationship specifically. There was many times where I had doubts about my relationship. Those times where I thought, I don't know if, like, I'm meant to be with the woman that I'm with right now. And I had all these confusions and doubts. And the reality, the doubts were coming from these blocked emotions in my internal system. Like my body was going. I was going through a period of anxiety and there was some shame back there. And all of these emotional. This emotional buildup caused me to start overthinking and doubting everything. And all of a sudden I thought things needed to change externally, more specifically, my relationship. And if you've been in this situation before, or maybe you've made this mistake before of changing the external things, thinking that was the answer. And then later realizing a year later or Two years later, you find yourself in a very similar relationship, having very similar challenges and thoughts and doubts. Well, the breakthrough there is, it's not the external that needed to change. It was releasing and letting go of the internal blockages that were creating these doubts and confusion. Now, yes, I get it. Sometimes there are relationships that aren't in alignment. And you know, there are various reasons why you should leave a relationship, but very often, 80% of the time, it's you that needs to change. There's a breakthrough that needs to happen for you. So what my pattern was, and this also shows up in my business. Sometimes in my business where I'm not seeing the results that I want or I'm not, I don't see the cash flow flowing into my business, I immediately jump onto YouTube and start consuming more content about how to fix your lead flow problem, how to improve your marketing strategies, how to make better content, how to improve your sales. And you pull in, I pull in all this information. And it got to the point recently where I was like, dude, I actually, I know all this stuff. I know what to do. It's just this buildup of emotion again, which has clouded my clarity, which has caused me to go into the old pattern of thinking that the answer is in consuming more or the next shiny new thing which turns into mental masturbation, mental masturbating on how to be a better leader. Mental masturbating on like how to improve your health, health or how to improve your business or how to improve your relationship. And then there comes a point where you don't need more information now, early on in this process where you're new to this journey and you're going through your period of self discovery and self help and that phase of knowledge acquisition is great. But I suspect if you're on this video, you've got enough knowledge, okay? You've got enough. And what's really needed and required for you now is to actually put away the noise and to actually show up in a practice, in a ritual, in a modality that's actually going to allow you to somatically integrate the pain from your past or the emotions that are blocking your clarity, or the, the trauma that's holding you back from actually being able to drop into your body and open up a new level of confidence and conviction and freedom in expression that's going to allow the next new opportunity to show up in your relationship or your business. And that process is a somatic process. The process is working with the nervous system. The process is learning to make peace with the discomfort, be it the anger or the shame or the blocked emotions that are down there. And that cannot be done through a book. The book can tell you how to do it, the YouTube video can tell you how to do it, but it's up to you to actually show up in an uncomfortable experience where you go face to face with the part of yourself or the parts of yourself that you don't really like. And in my own journey, I've just found so many times I'll bypass doing that work because it's much easier to mentally distract myself through watching the next YouTube video or personal development podcast. And there comes a point where you have to acknowledge that when does this become a high level coping mechanism? Because I'm too afraid to actually show up in the areas of my life that actually need me to have a real honest, hard look at where am I afraid? Where am I afraid to feel? So this can apply in many different areas. Health, relationships, your finance, your business, Any of those core areas. There is the next level is usually behind an uncomfortable emotion that you're afraid to feel. And the uncomfortable emotions are stored in these lower centers. Your root chakra, your sacral and your solar plexus. Solar plexus, sacral, behind your belly button, your root chakra down by your pelvis. And these are survival emotions. And these survival emotions, when blocked down there, anger, shame, grief, sadness, overwhelm, frustration. All of these emotions, the energy consumers, they're pulling energy, they're sucking energy from your system when you're not circulating this energy. And that's when we go into these old habits of distraction because we're neglecting to tend to this inner garden of our emotional fluidity and openness. And when this survival emotions are stuck, our heart closes down. The heart is unable to pull in or open up to gratitude, joy, freedom, love, abundance, passion, purpose, fulfillment, enthusiasm. All of the frequencies that align with the dreams and the outcomes and the goals that you tend to attract into your life. Right? So the game that we're playing here is a game of frequency. It's the game of alignment. And just notice that because when you're on a path of consuming content or pulling in new knowledge, and when it's coming from a place of higher alignment, that's when distinctions are made, that's when the unlocks are happening. But if the content's being consumed from a lower vibration, thinking that the next piece is piece of information is going to shift you out of your emotional state. It's an illusion. The only thing that can can shift you is feeling and processing through the survival emotions which then naturally allows the frequency to go up. And then when your frequency goes up, now you're more receptive to new information. So remember that the game is a game of energy. And when you feel the impulse to want to reach for the solution via information that isn't coming from an elevated frequency, just catch yourself and go, you know what? Right now I don't need to pick up the book or watch the podcast or hire that next coach. Right now I actually need to sit with this discomfort. I need to sit with my pain and grief and sadness instead of distracting from it, I need to look at it and feel it. Or maybe I need to get angry for a moment. I've been suppressing this anger and it's lingering and I'm frustrated, I'm irritable and actually need to go into a process where I can let that out in a healthy way. And all of a sudden you can then feel the, the sadness and the grief that's underneath it. And by processing that and feeling it and being in all the heaviness and the gunk, you have a breakthrough and you have a release and then all of a sudden your frequency goes up. All of a sudden the energy stuck in your solar plexus can make its way back up into the heart. Or maybe you're stuck in a nervous system response, a survival response. Because remember, when these survival emotions kick in, we have these built in instinctual reactions because we're animals. We evolved from animal nature where our survival system has these reactions. It's fight, it's flight or it's freeze. And usually you would fit into one of those categories. The very often for the men that have the fight response, their instinct is to work harder. The instinct is just do a 12 hour day, just get more shit done, just work more more and figure it out. Because we grid our way through it, we fight through it. The guys who are in survival response or freeze will tend to shut down. They will tend to go a bit shaky, they'll tend to not know what to say, they'll tend to just want to hide. They'll tend to just feel like they don't have any motivation to want to show up at all. And then the flight response is the guys who disassociate from your body altogether. You don't even know what you're feeling. You don't really have any connection to what's going on. And understanding these survival responses is absolutely key because in doing so you can start to calm your system back down and accepted and acknowledged that you're on high level and nothing productive happens from that place of fear and survival. And when you acknowledge that, hey, let me just sit and feel through this, or process this anger or allow this emotion to move, all of a sudden the nervous system recalibrates itself, the survival system comes back down. And all of a sudden your creative pathways come back online and you have new insight and new clarity on what to do, what to say, where to go, or what not to do. And that's where the place where you want to operate from. And that's where the place of embodiment happens. Embodiment is noticing the tendency to want to go back into your old way of overworking, overstimulating, over consuming the next book or whatever, and then going into interrupting that pattern and then choosing to unravel or close the loop of the emotion that's trying to be processed, choosing to feel, choosing to go into your body through a somatic process. And some of these somatic processes, breathwork, anger release, meditation that goes in rather than meditation that goes out when I'm going out. And like you're trying to get out of the body and into the quantum field or into the void, sometimes you need to go through the body first to actually get into these higher states. And if you want some help on a breathwork practice, I'll link one below that I've created that's perfect for this kind of thing. And of course, if you feel like you need more guidance around this, I run men's groups specifically for guys who want some extra guidance and support. Because sometimes it's the guidance that we need, because we need someone who's walked this path, can shine the light on the things that we've, that sometimes we get stuck on. So that's why I run these groups. The links in the description below if you want to learn more about the men's groups. But when you have strategies and tools and rituals that help you stay present with discomfort when it arises, it allows you to integrate more seamlessly. And integration is the word that we're looking for here. Integration instead of consumption. So my invitation to you, my friend, is the next time you reach for the phone, slow down, go inward, accept, embrace and allow whatever discomfort is coming up. And sometimes the most effective thing you can do is talk about what you're experiencing with someone. The other week I was like feeling some anxiety coming up around my business. And I, I wasn't, I was having all this, I was overthinking. It was a lot of Control. My mind was trying to control everything. And the instinct reaction when I'm in that place is to. Is to get a bit. There's this urgency. There was like this impatience and urgency going. I was like, we need to generate more cash. There's lots of money flowing out. Not a lot of money flowing in. If you run a business, you know how stressful that can be at times. And for some reason, my survival response kicked in. The anxiety showed up. And all of a sudden I'm in that, like, flighty and freezy space. I had a bit of a combination of both. And all of a sudden I just wanted to hide. I wanted to avoid all of these responsibilities because I was just like feeling overwhelmed by it all. And then the urgency revealed to me that there was some fear back there. Where there's urgency, there's trauma, right? Where there's urgency, there's fear. And all of a sudden I started to recognize that, hey, I'm hot. I'm actually afraid. There's a part of me that doesn't feel safe. Right now. One of my core wounds is activated, which is, am I going to be okay? Am I doing enough? Am I going to be loved? Which is the core room running in the background. It's not the fear of money. It's the fear of what happens when I run out of money. Am I still going to be safe? Am I going to still be loved by the people that I care about? Which traces back to a childhood fear. So when I once I acknowledged and seen this fear playing out, my instinct reaction was to want to. Maybe I need to breath, work and meditate my way through this. But I realized in the short term that wasn't helping me because what I needed was to be witnessed and seen in the shame. Now this was the somatic transformation. This was the first part of the integration that needed to happen. I actually needed to be witnessed in the shame because shame hides itself. Where there is guilt and urgency, there is usually shame beneath the surface. So the breakthrough that I had was I called off a friend, called up someone who could hold a safe space for me of non judgment, where I could just say, hey, man, I'm feeling like a little overwhelmed and anxious right now. There's a situation going on in my business and I'm like having all these fearful thoughts and I just. I feel ashamed about like why I haven't figured all this out yet. And that friend guided me and just asked some questions. And all of a sudden I was just able to open up and I was uncomfortable. I Put the phone down. I felt a little bit better. And then I realized I had to have a conversation with my girlfriend Amanda, about how I was showing up for her because I was feeling ashamed of not being there as the man that I really needed to be for her. I was not really leading her. In a way, I became quite passive in the relationship, which tends to happen when I'm going through these fear based emotions. The passivity shows up and our fun dries up and it's. And then I'm beating myself up even more. So I had this really uncomfortable, we both had a really uncomfortable conversation about, hey, are we happy right now with where things are at? Are you happy with how I'm showing up? Do we still want to do business together? Do we still want to live together? Do we still even want to be together? And that's heavy. It's fucking, it's hard. It sucks. There's tears, there's this confusion and we had this conversation and then there's all this doubt, there's all this unknown, this heaviness. But on the other side of it, literally immediately there was like this clearing, this release or this letting go of energy. And that was the shame being dissolved in the light. And now all of a sudden I can go into a somatic practice through meditation and breath work and I could actually get back in contact with the body to move through and chip away at some of these deeper fear layers through presence. So just notice that sometimes, maybe the first thing is to have a conversation open up around someone. The second thing is to go into a somatic practice, breath work, yoga, meditation, nature, some of these core things that are so beneficial in supporting the nervous system, in relaxing and reopening. It's almost like a flower that closes its petals. All of a sudden the sun comes back out and shines a light on the flower and the petals open up again. That's what it's like with your attention. Your attention is the sun. Where are you shining your sun? When you shine it back on the nervous system and your body, it softens and opens up. You need to be patient, you need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself for that to happen. The minute you start shining your sun onto technology, into other things that are not supporting what's trying to emerge, all of a sudden you deplete your system and it becomes even harder to work through these layers and you perpetuate these trauma loops, you perpetuate these unexperiences into your life that then turn out to be cycles of the same shit that shows up that you don't want the same relationships you don't want the same business failures that you don't want because you're failing to look at what's underneath the surface that's trying to be resolved and that can only happen through just pausing and slowing down allowing an opening to the uncomfortability of what's trying to be expressed and felt. So that's my invitation to you if you want some more support with this. I send emails out every week where I start to unpack and unravel some of these dynamics and how they show up specifically in relationships. There's a free 5 day email course you can get access to via the link below. There's also the men's group where if you want to get more personalized and deeper support with some of this work, apply for the men's group below too. Thanks so much. Thanks so much for tuning in. I hope you got some value from this video and transmission today. Subscribe if you haven't already. Take care.