SSP160: How To Emotionally DETACH From Someone

We all know what that needy energy is, man. When someone's desperate, someone's hungry for something, they want it really bad. Could be money, could be a person, but usually those people repel the thing that they want because their desire is rooted in scarcity and not enough. And you can sense that immediately. And in this video today, I'm going to be sharing with you how you can emotionally detach from someone or. Or something so that you can attract it instead of chase it. My name is Jordan Kellish. I am a men's and relationship coach, and I've coached thousands of people on how to understand the energetics of attracting and not chasing. I have over 600,000 followers online. And what I've learned from sharing these principles and actually embodying some of these teachings in my own life through trial and error, is that the simplest path is usually the best path. The path of least resistance is the journey that you must follow. And in relationships, and attracting the ideal person or winning back someone that you love or attracting the next opportunity, it all comes down to energetic availability and what the pattern of being attached to having someone is or wanting this person. It's reflecting an internal sense of lack that you are not enough, you are not secure in, inside of your own body, inside of your own soul. And the work to start to unravel that lack of security comes back to stepping facts from the compulsion. Just notice any sense of desire or desperation in your life and acknowledge or become aware of how that shows up for you, because people can feel it. Especially if you're a man and you have this. When you're a man, you're in a club. I remember when I was 18 and I started going clubbing and all we wanted to do as guys in your 18 is pick up women. Just wanted to pick up women. And there was this kind of energy of, hey, I want something. I want to go home with a woman tonight. I want to meet this girl. I want to connect with this girl. This is reaching externally for a fulfillment of an internal lack. And for so many men, this lack comes from not feeling actually grounded and secure and having a deep knowing of who they are and what their actual value in the world is. And so many people, women included, seek value through other people and through their work and through money. And it's this rewiring or the shift or finding your value from within. Your value comes from your internal connection with source frequency. And source frequency is always enough. Source frequency is always available. Source frequency is always abundant. And when someone's not operating from that place, you can feel it, you can smell it, and you can sense it when someone's needing something from you. And usually the more aware someone is, the more they'll pick up on this needy energy. It doesn't take a lot of awareness to pick up on it. So when you're. When you're catching this tendency or this posture showing up in your life, step back. Because the more you try to grab this grabby energy, you're just going to push the thing that you want further or further away. And if it's a person, you probably don't want to push them further away than what they already are now. So the invitation is, if you land on this video, this is your time. Start to take note of some of the things that I'm about to share with you. And I want you to actually implement it in your life. So how do you know when you're in this needy energy? Like, I want you to examine how that shows up for you, because underneath it is fear. What are you deep down afraid of? Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid of no one loving you? Are you afraid that people aren't going to like you? Are you afraid you're not going to have a family? Just examine the fears that are down there first and foremost, and I don't need you to label them as wrong. Just accept that there's some fear back there that potentially you're running from. The potentially that you're avoiding through picking up the dating apps and swiping or checking through Instagram to see if they've liked your posts. Always checking your phone to see if they've responded to your texts. Potentially there's some discomfort that you're avoiding within yourself. Step number one is acknowledge it, become aware of it. How does it show up in your body specifically? There's these nervous impulses. Is it the need to always be doing something? Is there contraction and tightness? Is your heart closed down? Are you slouched over? The first step is in your physiology. Notice how your physiology reveals fear so that when you are aware of it, you can step back and now start to interrupt the pattern. The pattern that we're interrupting is the thoughts. There's a feeling thinking loop that's creating this behavior or identity in you which, which repels the thing that you want. And this feeling, thinking and loop is coming from the feelings of anxiety, unworthiness or shame, guilt, and potentially some sadness back there too. Once you're aware of the thoughts that are connected with that energetic cycle, it's just an energetic emotion that's trying to play itself out, but you're resisting it through judging it or through looking external for the solution. But when you catch the thought loop that's in there as well, it's saying, I want you to write this stuff down, by the way. I really need them to get back with me. I need this person to be with me. Why won't they text me back? Why don't they love me? And just notice how there's a cycle of the thinking reinforces the feeling and the feeling reinforces the thinking. And now all of a sudden, you're in the electromagnetic field of I'm not enough or I'm not worthy. Why would someone want to approach you or connect with you or date you when you're in that electromagnetic frequency, especially the person that you really want to be with? We have to energetically detach you from that field of fear, which is a contraction, so that you open back up and become into this expanded field of availability for this person to flow into your life. Now, you do that by interrupting the thoughts, choosing where your concentration is going to go. What thoughts and feelings are you going to reinforce? Are you going to reinforce via your concentration this old loop that you're stuck in, or are you going to pull your attention out of this loop and reinforce it into a new loop and feed this new field of energy? This new field of energy is one where you're infinitely whole. You're perfectly whole, but not yet finished. You're still evolving. You're connected to a source of infinite love. You are stable, you are secure, you are worthy, you're abundant, you're safe. New thoughts that you start to fire. But most importantly, the physiological response in your body of what it feels like to occupy the frequency of enough. The frequency of worthiness, the frequency of love in your heart. To really get there, you're going to have to work through some of these deeper layers. You're going to have to sit and step back and examine and allow the fear to be seen. The fear that's back there has to be looked at. It has to be really examined. You have to love that fear like you would love a small child who's hurt and upset on the side of the road, who's lost his mom and dad. You would pick that child up, you hold it and embrace it. You would look him or her in the eye and be like, hey, I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere. Going to get through this. Let's just be present together. Let me just reassure you let me hold your hand and embrace you. How often do you do that with yourself? When was the last time you did that with yourself? The next time you were feeling fear and you wanted to reach for something, did you step back, close your eyes, tap into your body, and breathe into the security that's always around you? God, the universe, Spirit is always holding you in an embrace of love and acceptance. And all you get to do is reorient yourself with that frequency that's always here. One of the ways you can speed this up is drop yourself out in nature. Go into nature. Notice what happens in nature when the trees die or an animal goes into hibernation. There's a naturalness that happens during that period where loss is happening on a constant level, death is happening on a constant level, and nature does not, does not rush, it does not try. It does not try to fix any of it. Yet all of it gets complete in a perfect natural harmony. Allow yourself to tune into the frequency of nature to heal and move through this wound that's inside of you, this feeling of loss, this feeling of grief that's back there. It will allow it to almost flower and birth a new energy as it comes up from your solar plexus. There's this birthing of a new energy as a flower into your heart. And it will expand, open when you're patient enough, when you're present enough, it will expand open for a new love to pour in. Now remember this frequency that fills your electromagnetic magnetic field of abundance and wholeness. This is the energy we're tapping into, this infinite love and security for yourself. It can only come through when the heart is open and energy is flowing in the heart. If the heart is closed, this energy can't flow in. It's trapped in the solar plexus in the lower three centers. It's the energy can't move up the spine. So your first process is to allow these survival energies, the survival of fear, to be released, to be purged. Maybe you want to allow yourself to be angry for a little bit. Allow the anger to come out. Maybe you want to sit and put on some soft music and breathe and do some breath work and just allow this energy to be there. Might be just a couple of days of you just noticing and monitoring. Okay, the energy's still there, it's stuck, and that's okay. Can be loved in this place of stuckness for as long as it needs to be loved. And that's going to break the resistance and allow the energy to move up. Remember, whenever you resist Something or you don't want something, you're attached to something else and it's actually blocking the thing that you want. So when you fully accept this is your experience right now, the energy can start to move on its own accord. Okay? So one of the keys to understanding that you're making progress in this unfolding or this opening and this flowering, that you'll no longer be looking external for the thing. You will no longer care about the thing showing up in your life because you're going to feel so much wholeness and love for yourself that, hey, you're good, you're good. I don't need it. I don't need that person to text me back anymore. I don't need them to like my stuff on Instagram. I'm okay, I'm complete. And this happened to me back when I was 18. I was 17. 18. I had my first real love when I was coming out of high school. I fell madly in love with this woman in grade 11, grade 12. Just like a really tender age. I feel like when a man like falls deeply in love at that age, it just fucking rocks you to your core. I remember having this thing and she was wanting to go out and do her thing and I just had this attachment to her and it was so hard for me to let her go. It was so hard trying to travel with my friends. I was trying to do all the ladsy things and like go out and get with other girls, but I just, I couldn't do it. I had so much. My heart was so. With this person who I'd spent a lot of time with, the person I lost my virginity to. And there was a period of time where I was in so much pain, emotional pain. I just. I was in a cloud. I couldn't think about anything else. It would just affect me from day to day. And I just remember saying to God at 19, please, I'll do anything. I'll do anything to let go of this woman so I can just be free to be myself again. And it took me months. It took me months of just allowing this pain to be there. It took me months. I went and started practicing yoga around this time. My yoga and meditation practice was born just around 19, 20 years old. And this energy started to move. And for me at the time, I had to have space from this person. I couldn't be around them. And maybe you need that too. If this is something you're really attached to or if it's, especially if it's a person, just take some space. Space is the is the most effective way to start to bring yourself back online. Especially for men. Solitude, time and solitude is going to help you a lot if you're a woman, time with your friends is going to help the most in the short term, men, short term, solitude, women short term with their friends. In the long term, it's always get around the right people and find that right space for you. But for me, during this time, it was bingoing on my own. And as the months went by, I started to notice that I was feeling lighter. I still would think about her every now and then, but I was getting lighter and lighter. And then the time came where I was getting ready to go on a Europe trip with my friends. And I went on this Europe trip and I traveled. And for the first time I was starting to feel like my free, my freedom and my natural essence was coming back. She was no longer like taking over the energetic space of my mind. I came back from that Euro trip, I had an amazing time. And then I had two weeks back home in Perth, Western Australia before I got ready to travel to embark on my journey. On exchange, I had been. I got accepted into a university in Canada. I was going to finish my last finance degree, last unit my finance degree out there. And I flew out to Canada in the summer of 2000, summer of 2015. And for the first week that I arrived there, I went for a night out in the student village in Niagara. First. The first week we partied pretty much every night. The first night that I went out, I met this really a beautiful woman that I went home with. And it was like this first interaction and connection on an emotional, energetic and sexual level that I'd have after this first relationship, the first one that I'd had that actually felt real, that actually felt like, wow, this was deep. I went home with this woman again on the second night. I thought, okay, two nights in a row, maybe, maybe I'll never see her again, so maybe we'll have one more night and that's it. Kept going out to the club, kept bumping into it. It's like our energies have been pulled back together. And then we started to connect over the fact that she just done exchange as well. She just went to Scotland, she's come back from exchange. So we're just vibing both love, travel and just this effortless chemistry. Chemistry for three to four months. I ended up spending majority of my time with her and I ended up committing to just being exclusive with her during my time on exchange because there was feelings that developed fast forward 10 years and it's. I'm still dating this woman right now. Her name's Amanda and she's been my partner for the last 10 years. And I share this because she came into my life. When I finally detached, when I finally let go, when my energy and my heart opened again and it took a number of months for that to happen. Had I jumped immediately into dating someone else, Had I stayed in my hometown and kept partying and drinking and distracting myself from the pain that I was feeling, I wouldn't have allowed this perfect match to come into my life. There was a level of energetic alignment that my girlfriend Amanda and I have that is so effortless, it's so seamless. She's like my best friend. We've never really had to have any real, real struggles of in our relationship because the work was already done inside of me. So the invitation for you is the more you commit to allowing what's trying to emerge to come through you. It's a rebirthing process. If there's pain present for you right now, it's a beautiful time for something new to be rebirthed. And when you allow that rebirthing process usually has to happen on your own. When you allow that to unfold, something greater emerges out of your heart. A new possibility for intimacy, A new possibility for love. Not just for yourself, but for someone else to come in. Because you will fundamentally be different. And this different energy that will start to shine in the world won't need anything from anyone. And that, my friend, is magnetic energy. That's fucking attractive energy. So you need to be patient throughout this process. You need to be committed to not feeding this old fear based loop that's keeping you in the electromagnetic field of not enough, that's repelling the thing that you want. You need to be committed to feeding this new you that slows down, that feels deeply, that is patient, that is compassionate, and that gives yourself time to unravel these wounds, to rebirth a new version of you so you can step into a new version of love. If you want some extra help with this, I've released emails every single week to unpack some of these deeper dynamics. Just click the link in the description. If you want to jump on that email list, I'll give you some more information about that. That's all for this video. Subscribe if this resonated and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Peace.