SSP166: The #1 Mistake Men Make With Women’s Emotions

So there is a reason why your woman's moods and emotions will trigger you as a man probably more than anyone or anything else. And in the video today I'm going to explain why that happens, but more importantly, how you should handle and respond to your woman's emotions in the way that's going to support her in deepening into her most authentic expression, which is going to support your relationship and not allow you to be stuck in this endless spiral of resisting the intensity of her emotions. Now if you remember or use your woman or how you relate to your woman's emotion as a general reference point to how you relate with the chaos of life. Because life nature is emotionality, life nature is inherently feminine. It's constant flux and change. And right now I'm sitting here, I'm looking out over the ocean at my parents place in Western Australia and the ocean is rough today, it's quite wavy, there's wind out there. But tomorrow it could become and it could be really still and the sun could be shining. And if you see and judge, or if you judge nature for its constant flux and changes, or more specifically if you resist it, you're going to be frustrated, you can't be bothered because it's something that cannot be controlled or contained. And there's a great analogy that David Data uses in his book the Way of the Superior man, where you know, consider your woman's emotions like the ocean. And as men, one of the biggest mistakes I used to make, and I see many men make that I work with, is you try to create parameters or box your woman in by trying to solve her problems or trying to provide her solutions to her emotional expression. In a sense, what you do is you turn her ocean into a pool. You're trying to like box it in. You're trying to compartmentalize her experience probably because that's what you do with your own experience. Now see that as a reflection of how you relate with her is how you relate with yourself, your own emotionality. What is your relationship with like with your own inner feminine? Do you have time and space set up in your life where you get intimate with yourself, where you can learn to soften into your internal nature that is always changing and watch it and look at it and be like, oh, today it's quite rough. There's a lot of intensity inside of my body today. Isn't that interesting? Can I be with this? Can I listen to this? Can I get curious around this? Well, guess what? That's exactly what your woman needs when she's feeling Intense emotions or she's in a mood. The big mistake is seeing her mood as a problem to be solved. Number one. Seeing her mood as a personal attack on you is another big mistake. And seeing her mood as a reflection of your own self worth is another big mistake. Because it's inevitable. Your woman is going to change moods a lot more than what you probably are because you're living more in the world of rationale and logic. You are changing moods, of course, but not as much as probably she is because she's more into, she's more interconnected with the feminine sense of life, feminine essence of life, most women are, so that she's going to feel that more fully. And your opportunity is, is to firstly shift the belief that you have or the understanding or perception that you have around what her emotions and moods mean. More specifically, the perception around when she's in a mood with you or she's projecting or complaining about something that you're doing or not doing instead of it seeing as a personal attack. Try to hear the pain and not the blame underneath what she's saying. Because the words don't matter as much. This is a really important point to remember. The words that your woman uses don't matter as much as the emotions in which they're coming from. Because a woman, you may notice, may say one thing one day and then say something different the next day. Because she's changing how she's feeling, her emotions have shifted. And as men, it's so common for us to. When relating with other men or in the world of business, your integrity is everything, right? We go off our word. When a man says something, we're like, I expect that man to do it. He better show up, he better do that thing, he better follow through on that thing. But a woman's slightly different. When a woman says, hey, I want to, I want to, I don't want to go hang out, I don't want to go travel with you anymore. I don't want to go to the movies tomorrow night with you anymore. Well, it's probably less about what she wants and more about how she feels. And if you just take her words as truth and you go, okay, cool it, we'll do something else. Oh, cool, I don't want to go to the movies anyway. Let's just do something. Let's just chill at home. You're missing the underlying opportunity to connect with what feeling or emotions coming up in her that's causing her to shift or change what she wants. Remember, it's less about the words More about the emotion. So with that understanding, you get to create a new belief or perception that every time that she's feeling off or feeling disconnected or there's some sort of energy that's coming up between both of you. See it as, this is your little game. This is your little test. This is your little opportunity, whatever perception is going to help you lean in to bringing her back to love. And the main reason that she's going to be upset with you directly is she's not feeling loved or led by you in some capacity. So see that as your chance. Okay? She's probably just needing more love right now. She's probably just needing more love right now. Same thing with you, right? Whenever you're feeling disconnected, whenever you're feeling upset, down, shame, angry, anxious, you're probably not feeling loved. And so you get to give that love to yourself. But see it. Remember this with your woman when she's. When she's like, oh, she's really emotional, she's fucking on my case today. Like, what's going on? She's not feeling loved and led. So see that as your opportunity to step in and practice leadership. Practice leadership practice going in. Okay, How. Does she need me to just listen right now? Does she need me to be more curious right now? Does she need me to empathize? Does she need me to help her make a decision with something and see that as your role as the masculine leader in the relationship. Help her make decisions with things. Don't be passive and expect her to take charge of everything. Come in and provide that initiatory support. Remember, you can see things more than her when you're. When women are swept up in the world of emotion and they're not seeing the bigger picture, sometimes they're just in this moment of expression, which could be this specific energy. So come in and use your masculine vision, your masculine ability to. To see possibilities and go, hey, sweetheart, like, this is what I'm seeing right now. What do you think is going to help you more? Do we. Should we do this or go this? Or would it be more helpful for you right now if I just listen and hold this space? Or do you want me to offer some solutions? And she might be like, no, I just want you to listen right now. And then she expresses. And this expresses you. Tell me more what else is coming up right now? It sounds like you're feeling a bit anxious or overwhelmed with something. Is that right? Am I correct in. In what I'm saying there? And she's like, yeah, like just this thing happened Yesterday and now. I just don't know what to do. I'm like, okay, where is that coming up in your body, honey? Where's that coming up in your body? It sounds like you're feeling tense. Where is the tension? Cool. Turn around here. Let me just, like, massage your back. Tell me. Keep speaking. Keep speaking. You're massaging her back. You're there in the fire with her. You're not going like, hey, babe, come. You know what? Come back to me when you've calmed down. I don't think you're in a state to have this conversation. If you, like, you know, I mean, if you say that to her, that's. That's you missing the opportunity to be the leader that she needs in that moment. That's going to build trust. It's going to build trust in your ability to support her, to hold her. And the more trust she has in you, the more great or the more ability she's going to have to immediately come to you and surrender, the more ability she's going to have to feel this masculine charge in you. And that's going to strengthen her feminine radiant core by being able to trust you to hold her emotion. And when that's there, you're going to feel really attracted to her when she brings emotions to you because you go, wow, she's a woman. Beautiful, beautiful. Don't expect her to be like a man. Don't expect her to, like, just solve all her own problems and not be as emotional as you. And all of a sudden, you're surprised when she's you on your case and she's upset about little small things. It's called being a woman. Like, we just got to remember these things as men, you know, because you'll very quickly neutralize her if you try start treating her like a man or trying to support and expecting her to behave like a man. You. You actually neutralize the polarity in the relationship, which is what brought you together in the first place. You won't feel as physically attracted to her anymore. You might start looking at other women and be like, oh, look how you know, Imagine being with that girl. Like, all these fantasies start coming in because you have neglected this core principle or this core responsibility in your relationship to be there as the pillar to support more of her expression, to allow for more of her fullness to come out. Because you're there as the pillar to be like, I can hold this. I'm not putting you in a pool. I can be the. The space that allows this ocean to exist. We use Nature as the analogy again, like, what is the space that allows all of this ocean to exist, the sun to set, the clouds, the past? What is that space? The space is source, energy. It's God, the masculine principle, the Father, Divine Father. Right. So connect with that essence within yourself, the space which holds everything. Bring that as a pillar and ground it down through your body. How do you do that? Well, you need internal space. You need to have internal availability for that. Because if you're all internally tense and you haven't made time to connect with your own inner feminine and express your own emotions, then one small little thing and you're going to go straight into reactivity. One small little word and one small little complaint about the trash left out or you not tidying up after yourself, and you go, give me a fucking break. You just, you just snap. Reactivity comes out. So where is your internal space? The ways I like to do it is through meditation. My breath is a great indicator of the level of space that's available inside of me. You breathing deep and full, is there tension around your body that's an indicator of your level of space and some sort of mindful movement practice. Now, going to the gym is not necessarily going to create space in you. When I go to the gym and I'm lifting intense weights that can create tension in the body, keep in mind that, and it's very stimulating. But after a gym workout, you can become quite tense and sore and rigid and tired. So be careful with using gym as your outlet for creating space. My invitation is go for a nice walk on the beach or go for a nice walk in nature. Do some qigong, do some practices that help move up, move and clear tension in the body while you're relaxing and breathing and softening and then being in a state of listening to stillness. That, my friend, for my fellow brothers like you, is the best way to connect back with clarity, to connect back with your essential nature so that you can be that guiding force and that divine, healthy, masculine energy that provides leadership and structure and is able to contain the intensity of her emotions. That that is the kind of man she's needing. And if you can provide that, she will, she will continuously pour back into you. Because now all of a sudden, you are giving her permission to be her most fuller self. And that, that is what we're deeply attracted to as men. And that is what gives us purpose, is to see that from our partner and our lover. So if you want more direct guidance in actually showing up in this way in your relationship, I run men's groups online where we go through these exact principles. So just check out the link in the description if you want to learn more about the men's group. But my friend, just remember this. See that it is an opportunity. Relationships are the most beautiful mirror for your growth, and they support you in deepening your leadership in ways that you can't even imagine. Because if you, if you can't lead in your relationship with your woman, you're not going to be able to lead in your relationship with, in business and in all other areas. So embrace it. When there is challenge, embrace it. But bring it on. Yes. My time to level up. All right, my friend, hope you got some value from this, and we'll see you in the next video. Peace.