Embodiment of Your Full Energetic Self

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Hey, I'm glad it's working. Well, Atmos, obviously I'm very excited to have you here. I'm definitely a super fan, right? Oh no, I did get the notification. My phone is just slower than yours. That's okay. But, um, Yeah, I definitely resonate with everything you talk about. Um, as far as like energy, the only thing I'm still learning is the Gene Keys stuff.

Yeah.

I just had astrology like click, but the other day I was thinking about Gene Keys and how these spheres pop in different spots. And I'm like, is that like the houses? You might not know astrology, but I'm like, maybe that's how it rotates in my mind. I see it all moving.

Yeah, I guess the, the jinkies as a system have much more than just one system. It has astrological parts. It has most of the I Ching. And of course, all the wisdom of shadow work and, and our own genetic programming, which is a huge system. Them in the end. So it's, it's more than just astrology. Yeah.

Well, to me, it feels like a very new, very nuanced North Node and South Node expressions, which is what you've mastered and what you're here to learn is what those mean in astrology. But this is like next level nuanced into that.

Yeah.

So it's like, wow, okay, it's really mapped. Thoroughly, not just a little paragraph to have you kind of like go off.

And if you read the thousands of pages Richard has written about it, it's stunning. Yeah.

Well, I know you told me before we got on that you had an experience, right? And I've been dying to hear this story. So go for it, man.

Well, you mean the Chinkis experience?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Well, I didn't know anything about the Chinkis. I guess it was between 2010 and 2012. I don't know. Where I got a series of energetic downloads, which was immense. It was over weeks. I didn't have words for any of that. It's just I received a wisdom teaching. It was perfectly clear. And I knew it is related to our genes. It was related to— I always heard in my mind, these are the keys of your genes. And I didn't know what to do with that. And I also had no words for that. And I thought maybe now it takes me years to find the words to express it and communicate it to other people. And it was also a very transforming time for myself. Yeah, and then I suddenly saw that because I was looking on the internet for gene-related material and cosmic knowledge and all that, And then I saw Richard Rudd and the Jinkies. And back then, it wasn't such a big system, also not online. There were not many online courses and so on. But there was the book. And I met with the one person in Austria who was translating the book into German. And we met back in Vienna. And I read, of course, the book, and I suddenly recognized that what Richard had put into marvelous words, in poetic words, was an instant match to the wisdom of the shadow work, of the energy, of the download I got. So you could say that I received the Gene Keys maybe similar to Richard, but it was also different because Richard had all this background in human design. And he, of course, was deep into the I Ching and all this teaching. But he also got this download energy. So I knew that only afterwards. So, yeah, so I received the Chinkis from grace, as a divine download in the end, which is also written in the Chinkis material as the Chinki 22. And this 22nd Chinki is the way of grace. It's like there are two forces in the Chinkis, the Chinki 55, which is the evolution of consciousness, the evolution of humans into, towards God or enlightenment. And the 22nd chink is the download energy. It's the grace energy. You get gifted by divine grace. It's not something you work towards and strive to reach. It's something that comes Yeah, as grace. And these are the two. It's also the descendants of energy in the bodily form. It's like the embodiment we may talk about later.

Yeah.

And in hindsight, all my life it has been like this. It's much more— I see most seekers or spiritual people, they are on the Chinki 55 path of evolving. You read something, you go to workshops, you have a goal in mind that you want to reach, and you work towards the goal. And for me, my whole life, also with other things, not only the Chinkis, was also always the other way around. I got gifted by the cities. I got flooded by divine silence, immense love, heavenly energies. And for me, this was the normal. But what was not normal was the embodiment and the shadow parts. This is what I had to learn or still learning on all the paths. So yeah, this is more or less how the Gene Keys came into my life. And from then, you just have to break me up if I'm talking too much.

You're doing great.

And from then on, I saw that when I talked to people, for me, it was easy. Also working with the profile, it was most natural thing in the world. I also, right now, if I'm working with clients and I look at a profile or you send me the profile, it's like the chinkies start talking to me. So I'm really in communication with the profile and it's not so much in my head or what I've read about all the chinkies and all the courses I've done. It's much more in very intimate communication with the energy behind the Chinkies. And what I saw very early on when working with the Chinkies with clients and other people was that the mental barrier was so immense that they really wanted to understand it on a mental plane to figure it out somehow. And even if I talked about contemplation and feeling into the jinkies, it was much more like, okay, I have to read this book, I have to do this course, I have to figure it out mentally before I can really go with it. And with that, I saw, okay, we need to work on a deeper level of existence, also with the gene keys. And that was the birth of energetics. Energetics is just a combination I found between energy and genetics or the gene keys. So it's energetics. Yeah, and this is how this developed, the system of making the jinkis and all this wisdom experienceable, to make it, yeah, very real, embodied on the one hand, and also very experiential from the feeling level. If you get in touch with the energy of the jinkies. Yeah, and from that, everything else evolved. So that's the short version.

Sounds very intuitive for you, but you also, I know you told me before, not on this live, that you at a young age became a Reiki master and everything. So do you think having that foundation and then getting that download?

Absolutely. Yes, this is the longer story. I was 15, got a Reiki master and did all these energy teachings. And then with 20, I met a real spiritual guru, a master. Papaji, who was a teacher in the lineage of Ramana Maharshi and who is the first teacher who brought Advaita Vedanta and all these teachings to the West. Back then, many Oshos and Iyassins who were very disappointed came to Papaji. And this was also like the beginning and the end of a complete new journey because it was the end of this very strict sense of self, of I am this person and I have to achieve these and these things and have these goals. Like this person really dropped away after 3 weeks in a silent retreat. Basically, the world and everything that I thought to be me just disappeared. And yeah, it was just being left. And well, yeah, this lasted for many months that I also, I came back to my Reiki community back then. And I've always been the disciple. Of my Reiki master, and suddenly I came back as a master myself. Wow. And then this was a switch in this role somehow, and suddenly I sat in front and I was teaching to people. I had no idea what to teach because I was just immersed in this sense of being and being one with everything. So I did a lot of satsangs back then, but the thing is, on a deeper level, a kind of seeking continued. It continued because there was, they call it vasanas, uncooked seeds inside the body. And there was no embodiment at all back then. It was even a word you really try to avoid because body is bad, body falls off, body is not you, you're consciousness, you're everything. And yeah, so there was no embodiment. I was very young still and shadow work was not on my list of things to do. And yeah, so, right.

So when that download came, yeah, as you mentioned how it had the shadow, did that shift your whole perspective and just like kind of shatter those old lenses?

Many of them, because yeah, that's what I wanted to say, because in the time period before the download came, and I mean, there's a many years, I was still very involved in energy healing and work. I did hundreds of attunements to different energy systems. It's not just Reiki. Yeah. Yeah. Until the 10 years between my 20s and my 30s birthday, I have spent nearly every weekend in some kind of workshop training. So I did nearly nothing else, but dive deep into all kinds of spiritual teachings of, of, of all over the world and, and energy healing. So this, of course, prepared me to, for, for this download in the end. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, that's intense.

Absolutely.

You were—

and also totally unnecessary.

Yeah. Well, at the time you didn't realize that. No. That's, that's part of growth. Yeah. Wow. That's, that is so cool. I've only had a few experiences where I can't even give you a good example. I know I've had a story idea once. So I'm— I love to write stories, right?

Yep.

And I just let it live in my brain. And then at some point in college, I read a short story and it literally was the same idea that was written like 40 years before I was born. And it was like, where does this happen? Right? Um, so yeah, when that happened and when you found the Gene Keys, I can only imagine how that blew your mind. But then it sounds like, well, does it sound like you really kind of merged it into your own thing with the energetics and stuff?

Right. I have a huge gratitude for Richard, of course, and I stick to the original materials when I talk about the Gene Keys. But energetics evolved more or less into a system of freeing yourself from any external influences and teachings. So it is a teaching, but it makes itself obsolete in the end. It's transcending its own existence. It's like Ramana Maharshi said, you have a thorn to remove another thorn. From your finger, but you have to be aware that the new sword doesn't stick into your finger anymore. And so it's a tool. And it evolved because I saw that people are, or I myself primarily, was still attached to external energy systems. It's like if you channel Reiki or any of the hundreds of other modalities out there, you always get in touch with an external energy, which is bigger than you, which is not you.

Yeah.

And a teaching that mostly comes with this energy system. And this is where I saw that even if I use the gene keys as one of the systems, I don't want to be dependent on on the system behind it. You see, it's like I can work with it, but I have to free it up for myself to make my own thing out of it. Because otherwise, you're always attached to something, an external authority who is telling you what's the truth about that. And I saw that also with my clients and the people I was working with. It's more self-empowering if I don't put a system on them. I just give them tools to discover their own truth and their own freedom and liberation. You can use all the tools and you can do it in a very genuine way and still not get dependent on them and always be free to let them go anytime to stay in your own truth and your own clarity. Yeah.

I think I told you before, my path, I guess, is unique in that way because I didn't really— it's all self-taught or just by going inward, right?

Yeah.

And like, I didn't do Reiki or anything. It was just really getting in tune with my body and what I was experiencing was what and it took a long time to figure out the energy stuff and what's going on. But with my third eye being so active, I get to actually see it. And that actually, that helps me put shapes to it because there's no book. Or well, if there is, I wasn't reading it, right?

Yeah.

Um, yeah. And I, I noticed like, yeah, I think a lot of people are starting to hopefully move towards that where we don't, we go more inward, right? For the information and not seeking it externally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That and also the, you know, in energy healing, you always channel angels or ascended masters or cosmic energies from unknown sources, aliens. I don't know. There are so many different—

I know. I know you. I know it's out there.

I know. Yeah. So you can channel energies from the Arcturians and from the central sun and all the kind of different masters. And this is what has also, which is the second big part in energetics. And I call it lux. Lux is Latin for light. And this is not an external light. It's your own light. It's your own essence. And in my cosmology, your lux energy goes through several prisms. A prism of what I call your lux presence. Some would call it your higher self or your I am presence or whatever. This is the first prism where the universal energy, the lux energy, becomes I am individual energy. And from there, Also, there are different steps, but in my book, I write about the prisms in the body. So also, I see the prisms in your third eye, as you said it. And this contains the wisdom of the jinkies, of all the 64 jinkies in different constellations. And from there, this prism spreads into the light of existence. And this prism is also in each and every cell of our body, which is our DNA. It's the Akashic Chronicles, the Akash you're talking about. It's not somewhere else. It's in our DNA. It's physically manifested. And yeah, so the second big part of energetics is to work with lux, with your lux, and let this energy also flow into jinkies, like in shadow work. If you are working with different jinkies, you can use this lux light to let it flow inside a prism, to loosen up shadow patterns. I call shadow patterns condensed light and to grow with that. So this is the second big part of energetics, which is also the name of the book is called Lux, Your Energetic Way of Sovereignty. Maybe we can link it in the show notes.

Yeah. Well, that— I haven't read your book yet, but without even reading it, I associated prisms with lux.

Yeah.

I couldn't tell you why, but now I know why.

Perfect.

But that's how it works, right? Yeah.

Amazing.

I pick it up on the field and it's there. It is. Yeah.

Yeah.

But can you explain more this condensed light, that shadow? Because I love that phrasing and I want to just dig into that.

Absolutely. I've written down some stuff because you said you wanted to ask me that. And this is one of the core concepts I've got in energetics. And it's a big part also of my book and a whole module in my foundations course. Because it is really essential for shadow work. So I've written down some stuff so that I don't forget to talk about it. Yeah. The normal way you do shadow work is you see some dark parts in yourself, or you feel it in, in some, someone else. You have some problem, uh, with someone, and, and, and you see, okay, uh, there is something, uh, deeper, darker inside of me. And, and most of the time, uh, you try to get rid of it. And even if you're in the spiritual circle and you're working with light and, and you want to bring light into it and to transform it, you basically want to get rid of it. It's just a spiritual language for I like it, I love it, I embrace it, but in the end, let's get rid of it. This is something which is very tricky. And for me, in our genetics and the work with LUX, since when we see shadow pattern, we send LUX into it, not to get rid of it, as I said. It's much more to come with a question. And the question is which compressed pattern is inside of it. What do you want to tell me? This is the intention where you set the energy in. And it's just to find out what's the deeper meaning and what its message is to you. So you're grateful for its existence because It is like a gift you haven't discovered yet. So it's a gift package and you go into it and you don't— and you see this gift wrap around it and you just put the gift wrap away and throw it to the trash and you want to go to the gift, but maybe the gift is also in the wrapping. It's just another frequency. That's why I call it condensed light, because it is light, but in a condensed form. Yeah. So, and it's always, for me, it's important to not go with force here. Also not with any intentions to get rid of it, but also not with force. It's a very soft way to get in touch with the shadow patterns. Yeah.

Yeah. I know for myself, I've never sought out healing. I wait. I literally, it'll pop up when I feel it's needed. And then when it pops up in my reality, I'm like, oh, okay. Now we're looking at this. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

But I love that you said be gentle with it because it's, to me, you want to go at it with love for yourself and the part of you that is in that shadow, right? Or whatever that looks like. And yeah, instead of getting rid of it, this is kind of lead into embodiment. You want to just integrate it and accept it. And there's quite a shift. When you go from like, let's just dig it out and, you know, throw it over there. Yeah. Disregard and pretend I never had that, right? Because I'm just so little miss love and light.

Love and light, right?

But, um, but that's, I would think you're almost creating a whole other shadow doing that.

Yeah. The love and light shadow. Yeah.

Yeah. So when we go at it with compassion and love and integration, when the desire is to integrate, not to excavate, it really shifts us into embodiment. So how do you view embodiment?

Well, this is such a core part because Early in my spiritual journey, embodiment was like, first of all, something you don't need to do because you're not the body anyway. You're eternal consciousness. So what to do with this body? It's just a burden. So this is the extreme step in the beginning. Of my journey. But then as embodiment became like something you have to do, you have to work for that. And this is an important phase, but it's not what I'm talking about. For me, it's embodiment means you have no other opportunity to not embody, because what we are talking about here are genetic patterns. It's not something out there. It's not just an energy that's some— somewhere else. It's in your body. So every shadow work, everything I do with energetics and with the clients is to automatically integrate it in the body because it's not a concept out there. We are talking about real physical genes. And this makes it easier for everyone to don't go into spiritual bypassing. I write a lot about spiritual bypassing because I did it a lot myself. So I know about that. And yeah, I've written also down some stuff I wanted to talk about, but because you asked me what I see as signs of true embodiment. Yeah. I'm taking your question.

It's a good question. Yeah.

It's a good question. Could be yours.

Probably is.

Yeah. Yeah. So I've written down, because the most important thing for me is the real sign of embodiment is You stop seeking. You stop seeking in external solutions.

My job. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not because you try to stop seeking. It's because what you're experiencing is so real, is so authentic, is so you that there is no need for any seeking outside. So this is one of the the first signs of real embodiment. Also, another thing is simplification. It's like the more you are in spiritual teachings and external teachings, you're in the mind. It gets really complicated over there. I heard. It's like this concept and this concept and they are opposing forces. And maybe we find a third concept which explains the first two. And it really gets complicated. So simplicity also in your expression and is another deep sign of embodiment. Then crystal clear discernment, I've written down, which means you don't need any external validation. Because if you feel it in your body, if you have an authentic experience of transformation, you don't need others to tell you what it means. Or it's so obviously clear that you don't need any external validation for what you're experiencing. So this is another part. Then effortlessness. I've written down effortlessness because in the end, authenticity in this moment isn't an option anymore. It's a natural thing. You stop performing your enlightenment or writing a lot about that. You stop performing any spiritual, how do you call it, pictures or goals or whatever. It's just you speak authentically as yourself. And it's not an option, like, oh, today let's be authentic. No, it's physically hurts if you're not in your core Jinki pattern, by the way, which I have experienced in my life. I got the core Jinki 52. We also share in our profile. And there, the shadow pattern is stress. So if I'm not in my balance, And this is a very collective jinky, of course, but I have it in my core to transform it. And it means that my body goes into stress response and in an overactive nervous system and sympathetic response the moment I am not authentic myself, which has happened quite a lot of times in my life. So you can figure out that I'm constantly stressed in my body and I don't know why. Um, and in the end, when you realize that the reason for it is that you're trying to perform some role, um, for others, um, this is the pattern that causes in me stress. It's not the only pattern for everyone, maybe. I can just say for myself that I really feel it on a physical level. It's like the stress, the sympathetic response, it gets intense. It's like my nervous system is really on fire and it's a horrible experience. And yeah, this is a clear sign on a physical level, on an embodiment level. Hey, You've gone off the rail and you're not being yourself. You're performing something.

That's so true. I want to add something because, um, while I might not have been seeking teachers outside of me, I still was seeking other things, right?

Yeah.

Uh, so it's, to me, it's, when it comes to embodiment, that's more the first thing you said, like, You stop doing that, right? For me, it was, oh, it's been an— I think you could put anything. It could be a relationship. It could be money. Um, even if it's not spiritual teaching, if, as long as you're chasing something, yeah, you're not what I would call centered. And, um, yeah, it, for me, it was like collecting all these pieces. And I had them for a while and I'm just now put them together.

Yeah.

And I can feel that shift inside of me like, oh, they all go together so well. And I like made this thing and wow, it's fucking cool and gorgeous. Right. But, um, it's beautiful.

And the innocence you go with that, because if people like me who have been on, on the spiritual junk food and business, uh, uh, drug for most of their life, they don't have the innocence you have. This is such a gift. You innocently discover things for yourself and it's beautiful.

Well, because that's, but that's my path, right? That's part of my path. Yeah, I, and that, that was one piece I collected pretty early on was I was like, I just have to, I have to figure it out myself. And I make a lot of mistakes. Yeah.

But beautiful.

I learned from them. So I don't actually like hate them when I make a mistake. I'm like, let's, this is a lesson. What am I learning from this? But that to me adds to the embodiment, right? Um, and trusting my own intuition and what I'm saying, I, I just wrote about that because I have a very active imagination. And for a while, when I was really deep in meditation, I was meeting all sorts of entities. I would get an under— I like, I would meet an Arcturian. I might not actually see them, but I could feel them. And I would just know that's an Arcturian, even though I had no freaking clue what an Arcturian was. Or like, Oh, that's an angel. How do I know? I just know. I just know that's an angel. Um, and it was this knowing that like you could, not that anybody was, but like if somebody was trying to argue with me, I'd just be like, no, you're, I, I don't know why you're wrong, but you're wrong. Yeah. That's a freaking angel. And I just, I just know this, right? But I had, but my doubt would still be like, is this just me? Is this— so I had to work with that. And that took a few years to finally just accept, like, no, this is legit. This is not just my projections. And now the thought of doubting it is so foreign in a way.

Yeah.

But I had to work through all that.

Yeah, but it's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Others would need years to get rid of the external validation of what they're telling you.

Well, that's what one of them told me was to give psychic readings.

Yeah.

To get that external validation to help. But now I don't have to do that, right, to know.

But you could do it if you want. It's not, you just don't need the validation part.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, now I don't even have to meditate. I just, but that's a whole other thing. But, but because it progresses and it grows and it's, it's a skill.

Yeah.

Um, okay. I also wrote down something, Lux Fusion, connecting to yourself in all and every dimension. And that sounds cool as fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, LUX Fusion is also a part of my book and also a whole module in my foundations course. And it's basically the holographic activation of your entire multidimensional self. I talked about the LUX presence, and this presence is so beyond time and space concepts, that it has access to every energy system, every energy healing modality. And I call it fusion because you can run external energies, you can still use them if you want, but you fuse it with your own LUX energy. So you make it your own. It's not like you're not allowed to talk to any external energies or sources or so. I mean, go for it. It's not a problem. I just call it fusion because it fuses your own life's presence with this other energy to make it your own. And And LuxFusion works perfectly on the physical DNA level, energetic level, over all timelines. And also, as I said before, in your DNA, it's like the whole information of humankind is there. This is your Akash. This is your access to the archives of the world. And it's in your body. And with LuxFusion, you really can access that. And I don't know, do you know Matrix Energetics, which is an energy healing system?

I know what the matrix typically means, but no.

Okay. This is Richard. He developed Matrix Energetics. And energetics. And I learned it from him many years ago. And he was a magician in the end, and he took all kinds of energy systems and made it possible for you to experiment with it. So it was very free and open system. And in that line, I saw that you don't need any external systems to do that. You really can do it with your own life's presence and access different timelines and different energy systems and teachings. But you don't get lost in them. You don't lose your own presence in connection and diffusion. With this external knowledge or energy. So this is what I wanted to say about that. And I mean, it's of course a lot more. I have specific techniques to how to work with that. But one of them is of course also related to the chinkies. So you can access city frequencies. So the highest frequencies in the chinky system and every chinky is called a city because it's beyond the personal self. It's a radiation of divine stillness or love or timelessness. Yeah. And you can have a direct access while you lack energy, even if you have not developed the Jing Qi and the city in your life, but you can get a taste of it. On an energetic level. It's like homeopathy for the jinkies. It's like you get the taste of what this freed up energy means, and you can live it in your life. So this is the short story about LuxFusion.

Well, the way I'm interpreting that is Yeah, when you, you're taking information from yourself, right? And these other dimensions, but you're also, it kind of ties into embodiment. You're bringing it back and integrating it into this, this one, this reality, this dimension right here.

And the real cool stuff is you don't need external achievements anymore. I mean, you can do them if you want, but your lux presence is, as it is in all dimensions and overall timelines, it is a master in these practices. So if you want to learn Reiki, do it via the lux fusion and your own lux presence, because you are a perfect Reiki master. Maybe not in this life, but you can access it, and it's beautiful.

Yeah, well, I mean, I think that's pretty basic in spirituality that we're more than just this body, right? And like you said earlier, how the teachings you were in were like, forget this body, it's just your space suit type of thing, right? Your meat suit. And I think on one level that's true, but it's also like, well, we are here in this meat suit, right? For a reason, even if we don't fully understand it. This is what we are experiencing. So that it's, you can't forego one or the other, um, even if you want to. And I know externally the world is kind of a shit show right now, right? So there's that attraction to just kind of back away from it and just spend all the time, yeah, in other places. But that's actually not going to help this shit show. No, it doesn't. No, I— yeah, well, my main method I guess to connect, obviously is meditation, um, or just going into like a still state. Um, I'm sure there's some like alpha wave, beta wave, I don't know, little brainwave thing I got going on that sends me out there, right? But, um, is there, can you share one little method maybe people could use to try that, or would meditation be one of them? I don't know.

Meditation is a great tool. I just had a memory come up because we talked about my early days as a Reiki master. And during— it's so funny. You have to imagine I was 15 years old. I heard the first time during this time about Zen. And Zen was hugely amazing for me. It was the essence of meditation, what it means. And I was so into Zen. And this is a funny story because I know my Reiki teacher from back then still tells this story many, many years ago. Everyone else, because in a break of the Reiki workshop, everyone else got a break. And when they came back, I was still sitting there in the room. And meditating like a professional. And then he asked me, what are you doing? Is this Zen? And I replied, Zen? I'm over that shit. I've mastered Zen. This is beyond Zen.

Wow.

It's so funny because Zen is never-ending. It's just being here in the present moment. But back then, I thought I was beyond Zen and I've mastered it. So I was a Zen master with 15, self-proclaimed.

Well, you weren't seeking external validation. Yeah, right.

This was the start of that. It's so funny. Basically, if you are interested in my meditations, I did lots of them with Get in Touch with LUX. And maybe many of you missed that, but if you are a subscriber to my publication, In the first email, I sent out a free meditation to get in touch with LUX, which is a meditation, of course, and which is a first LUX experience, I call it. I can post it for you if you want it. I guess many miss it because they subscribe to the publication and never look at the first email they get. But in there, there is a free meditation on LUX, so just to get in touch with what I'm talking about. And I've also a 7-day LUX challenge, which is a very cheap product, I think $96 or so. And there you have 7 meditations with LUX. They build on each other. You do one every day. And it's a very easy introduction into how to work with LUX on your own. And yeah, so this is what I can say about that. Awesome.

Thank you. Yeah. I'll try to get those links from you and I'll put them down below when we're done. Yeah. Oh man. I, I think we've covered a lot of stuff. I'm trying to think if there's anything else. We want to touch on. Is there anything else you want to touch on, Atlas?

Oh, I'm fine. I've talked too much. Maybe we should just stay in stillness because this is also the— maybe we have talked about a jinky as an example.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we can dig into that.

Yeah, because the Gene Keys, of course, they come with 3 different energies or frequencies. And this is one Gene Key. So this is one information. And you can see from the shadow perspective, which we said we take the 52 I've already talked about, which has stress in its shadow pattern. And it's a very generic thing because stress is on everyone's mind in a way. And hidden in this shadow frequency, there is the gift, which is restraint in this case. So if you're in stress, you're in constant overdrive. There is no balance. And restraint as a gift means just don't go into this overdrive, don't perform, just be authentic to yourself in the end, but don't perform for someone else. And the interesting thing is I got also dynamism as one of my gifts in my life work, which is why maybe when I'm on or live, I'm talking much because this is a very authentic dynamic energy. But I also get this restraint, which is, hey, Atmos, calm down and don't go too much. Don't give too much. Don't be too dynamic in breaking up things and throwing it in the air. So this is a constant reminder of what it means to practice. This is really a practice. And the city of the 52 is stillness. And this is what came to me very early in my life, where I, as I said, it was Papaji. It was really this experience of eternal stillness beyond the mind. And this is also very important in my life. So even when I'm talking a lot with people, I'm not a lot with people, first of all. And if I'm not with people and I'm not teaching or talking or whatever, I'm basically quiet all the time. And it's also inside. Which is the most beautiful thing because this is clarity. If there is not much internal talk, what to say and what not to say and how to express something or how to perform something, if this all falls away in your mind, it becomes very quiet and then words can fill fill this empty space up with whatever wants to come through.

Do you think stillness can feel different for each of us?

Absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah.

How do you feel stillness?

That's a good way. To me, it's that center feeling. Yeah, and then am I— I see it's like I'm a gerbil in a ball. Yeah, where the ball is moving. Well, I guess the gerbil is too, but in this scenario I'm not actually moving, but the ball is, if that makes sense. Um, like things don't stop. It doesn't mean things stop.

Yeah.

Um, and by saying I just— obviously time things you care about, right? You're still going to grow. You're still going to reflect, but it's, uh, it's, it took a while to figure out one, cause I learned by my mistakes, um, and just experience, but cause I used to have horrible anxiety. I mean, crippling. Generalized anxiety disorder. And, um, my therapist was like, learn meditation as a way to— because I was like, I don't want to be on any medication. I just want to learn how to do this. Um, and then we tried several modalities, but obviously meditation was one I, I resonated with. And it took a lot. It took me a while to not fall asleep and to like actually do it.

Yeah.

Um, but it, it reflected to me to just even try, right? It, to give myself that pause from my constant, because I would say my mind felt like this when I was anxious, right?

Yeah.

I couldn't focus on any, hardly to focus, and I had to try to, I was always trying to figure shit out and I couldn't, and I would get stressed about it, right? And, um, it was not a happy place when your mind's like this. But now, should I get in that state, which is very rare, I can easily be like, wait a minute, what do I need? Oh, I'm thirsty. I need to pee. And, you know, I want to, like, I need a nap or something. Like, I'll figure out, like, what does my body actually need? What will actually bring me to the state? Stillness right now? Um, what was I ignoring when I was focusing on my craziness? Well, not craziness, but my anxiety, right? And so learning how to do that and like bring it down.

Yeah.

And to tangible things like, well, I can eat a snack. I can do that and I can use the bathroom and I can take a, a quick nap right now, or I can't do that, but I could do this instead. Instead, right? I can sit still for 5 minutes and just take some deep breaths to kind of create that. And that took time and created a habit. And then, like I said, now it's very rare I get in that state because I'm more aware of my body and, and what I'm doing and what's going on. Now I'm kind of lost where I'm going with all of this.

But now you were just explaining how you experience stillness. Stillness. As the eye of the storm.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. And it's, that's exactly it. I actually use that language a lot. Um, because that is what it feels like. Oh man. Nailed it. Yeah. It's like I said, like the hamster thing, it's all moving around me and I realized I really can't control it. Right. There's very little I can control. All I can control is obviously myself and what's in the eye of the storm. So it's one, like, know your role.

Yeah.

Right. But also just, um, surrender was a big thing.

Yeah.

And really seeing that, just like, I, I give, like, not to give up, but it's in a way, yeah. Like, I'm just not gonna, I'm not gonna attach myself to that and I'll just let it flow. And then for me, that creates excitement. Now I'm like excited how things are going to play out. And like, I don't know how it's going to work out. And I get to experience the surprise of what's going to happen, good or bad. That's pretty cool to me. And it's, and it creates this joy, right? And excitement for life. That, um, sadly I'll meet a lot of people and they don't have that and they, they see it in me, which is beautiful, but I'm like, and it's not just your name. No, it's not just my name, but I'm like, this is, I don't like own the market. Like I did do work to get to this stage. If you met me 10, 15 years ago, I was not a joyful person. Right? I was in this mode all of the time. So there's— you're just experiencing my, my growth and my work is all it is. But, um, and I'm sure 20 years from now I'll be more badass, I guess.

Even more badass. Why not? If that is possible.

I think so. I'm sure it is. Right? But no, that's how I experience stillness or how I get to it. Um, I guess there's another thing would be staying in it. And that's just when I see myself wanting to attach to something, I catch it and I, I let it go.

Yeah.

Um, so it's, it's a lot of self-monitoring, but not like in a authoritarian type of way, just as it arises. And like when I have a negative emotion or like fear or doubt that comes in. Um, I don't, I think in the past, I, like we said before, I was like, oh no, no, go away.

Bye-bye.

I don't want to deal with you, right? Your shadow.

Bye-bye.

No, now I'll be like, oh shit, what are you saying? What are you saying to me? What are we looking at now? And I'll cry and I'll process and it's not necessarily fun, right? But, um, I, I know it's necessary and I know doing that is, to me, it's transmuting that and it's kind of like spiritual alchemy or internal alchemy. Um, and it, you, you can take that energy. This is the alchemy part and turn it into excitement. Or turn it into joy. And that's, it takes me a, probably a good, sometimes 4 to 6 hours to do that. And I will have my toddler playing around while I'm going through this process.

Beautiful.

Um, but that's just life, right? That's just the storm. I can't, I still, I'm still a mom, you know, I still have a job and stuff I have to do. There's those things I don't. Get put on hold just because of, um, because I'm going through this. So it's, I think it's accepting that too is another part of it. Like it's sometimes, I think in my past I would, I wanted to always do that in private. I didn't want anybody to see, see that. Um, and I'm, I'm understanding now, like it's okay to share and express. And it's actually a really beautiful thing. And that goes into that authenticity, right? Like, it's actually very relatable.

And you're coming from the stillness, which is also very interesting because this makes you brave enough, still enough to go as the eye of the storm into the storm. And you can watch also the shadow patterns evolve and transform from that place of stillness, which is a beautiful, resourceful place.

Yes. Well, it kind of feeds itself. Once you learn all that, once you put it all together, it's not something I have to consciously, like I said, monitor, right? It just It's just kind of built in now as a habit and as a way of living. And that's pretty, to me, that's the coolest thing, you know?

Yeah. Beautiful.

Yeah. Well, we're at an end. Yeah. Thank you, Atmos. This was such a fun talk.

Absolutely. I really enjoyed it.

Yeah. And thank you guys, all 10 of you who watched.

10 people.

Yeah. I just now looked too, so don't feel bad.

Cool. No, I really love your work and you're so open and you're approaching it so innocently without all this baggage of years-long indoctrination of any teaching. It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.