Meditation Stories with Event Designer Tari Sai. How a 10 day vipassana retreat changed her life.

Welcome!

My name is Joy D. Fairney, Astronaut of Light, and this is Meditation Stories.

In Meditation meditation stories.

I interview different people who talk about their experiences with meditation. I think meditation is like a gateway to so many experiences and things, and I want to not just talk about my own experiences on this channel but share what other people are experiencing and feeling all over the globe. So without further ado, here's the video.

Hello. Hi, Tarshe. How are you? I don't— did I say that right again? No, I don't think so. Tarasai. Tarasai. Tarasai. Yes, it's so beautiful. Tarasai, how are you today?

I'm good, thank you. And yourself?

I'm doing awesome. Totally awesome today. It's been a sunny day here, which is very rare, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah. Which— it's summer where you're at, right?

Yeah, we just started summer, so it's a nice sunny day. Going to the beach after, just to chill.

Just to chill.

No big deal.

I love this. Chilling, cleansing the sea. Yes, I just got back from the beach like a month ago. It is very cleansing.

Yeah. It's my favorite, one of my favorite ones.

Teresai, can you just tell me a little bit about yourself and for like our viewers and stuff?

Um, there's a lot to tell about myself.

Well, pick, pick some shiny moments there too.

Uh, okay, so my name is Teresai. Um, I was born in Zimbabwe. Southern Africa, and I grew up in New Zealand. Um, I've been here about 21 years now, so yeah, I spent like majority of my life here. Um, I've been traveling. Um, I was a nomad for 3 years, 2015 to 2018, and then took a break, came home, tried to be normal. Wasn't for me. So I left again for another year to explore, and then I was just kind of led back home, back to New Zealand, where I've just been trying to do this thing called life and walk in my purpose, which— what? Yeah, I was running away from that by traveling. Not really, but yeah.

You're going on the journey of finding your purpose. Yeah, I'm a traveler myself, so I totally, totally get that. So do you know what your purpose is?

Yes, I do.

Oh, can you tell us?

Um, I've known for a while, but like I said, I've just kind of been like running away from it. Um, so I'm really good with connecting people and just making people feel seen and heard. And, um, just, you know, oozing of love and just sharing that with the world. Um, that's my purpose, just to share my love. So the way that I do that, that it manifests in the 3D, is, um, I do events, event design and styling. Um, and we'd like do catering and just, you know, just wholesome nice things, little gifts with like personalized love notes and stuff like that, just to make people feel, you know, nice and seen. And I also design spaces, so space design, just to help people connect with them, with their spaces as well, because I am a strong believer in that your space has a lot to do with, like, your internal world. So whatever is going on internally will be like visible on the outside.

So that's like deep stuff. Yeah, so yeah, but you know, totally resonate with that. Yeah, sometimes just rearranging a room will change the whole vibe of it.

Yeah, it does. And like also like on a spiritual level for the woo-woos, like I transmute energy, um, but I don't really— I haven't really told anyone that. I just Yeah, because I do cleaning as well. So when I do space design and cleaning, that's like transmuting, um, stagnant energy so that, you know, things start flowing again. So that's what I do with my work. So really, that's like what my purpose is. But in this world, I just tell people that I do events and space design and cleaning.

Oh, but that's such a beautiful purpose, to just be love and show love. Oh my gosh, I resonate so much with that. I love that.

Yeah.

Okay, so where did you do this, um, I'm gonna butcher this name again, the pasana? No, that's not it. What is it? That was awesome.

Well, that's what I say anyways. Well, I'm learning from you, so Apologies if I butcher it as well.

Hey, we don't know, we're just here in our love, right? So what is a vipassana? Isn't that like in yoga where you like take a break and you just like— or that's vinyasa?

It's something else.

Yeah, okay, okay, my bad, my bad. So nothing to do with yoga, nothing to do with yoga, nothing like that. But the meditative part I think is the same. So what, what to you is vipassana, and what did you do on this retreat? And it sounds— you said something magical happened, so I'm like really curious.

Yeah, um, so It was a 10-day silent retreat. No phones, no communication with anyone. So you couldn't even talk to people there. No eye contact, nothing. So even when you're eating, like, you just by yourself— we're all together, but you just by yourself in your head and meditate. A lot of times a day. Um, some were group meditations and some were like, you could do some in your rooms. You also had your own like personal space, so no sharing rooms or anything. So you were really like in your head. So it's just like a 10-day retreat where you just, I guess, just go within and just process Everything.

That's what, what made you want to do this retreat? Like, what appeals to it about you? You are—

for you? Yeah, so I first heard about it from my sister and my friend. They did it prior to me, um, a few years back. And when I heard about it, I just wanted to do it for clout, you know. I was just like, oh, this sounds cool, like, let me do it. And then, um I applied for about 2 years or 3, and I just couldn't get a space because it fills up really fast. Um, there's like an insane waitlist sometimes. So for 3 years I kept trying and trying and trying, and it just didn't work. I guess I wasn't ready for it. Um, to be honest, at the time, I— there was no way of knowing what I was getting myself into. Even when I did it, I was just like, um, what is happening? So yeah, I wasn't ready. And then just one day my sister just was like, oh, have you applied for Vipassana lately? I was like, oh no, I haven't. She's like, you should try again. So I did and I got in. So I guess that was the universe telling me that I was ready. And yeah, I did it in end of November to mid-ish December, uh, 2019. 2019, I think. Yeah. And yeah, that's how I got it. I got in, and that's what, what appealed to me.

Well, what happened when you did it? Like It— to me, that would be insanely intense. So yeah, what was the experience like?

Um, for me personally, um, before I did it, I used to be such an external person. Um, I just— I kept hearing that, you know, everything you need is within, and like, you know, listen to your heart, listen to the voice within. But then when I heard the voice within, I doubted myself. Like, it wasn't enough for me to, to like take action based on that alone. It just didn't make sense. I used to like externalize a lot of things, and I always also used to be like very reactive. So like if someone said or did something that I wasn't happy about, like I wouldn't stop to think before I responded, or just react straight away. And like, you know, nothing but drama comes from that. So I was pretty miserable, really, um, to a— to an extent. Like, I had done some work at that point, but there were still things that were not aligned. So doing that, for me, it just helped me reconnect with that voice within myself and just you know, we became friends. I guess that's when we started our relationship, and that's when I really started listening to my intuition. Because when I traveled, I started listening to my intuition. I would know when something wasn't right and stuff. But then when I got back home, it's kind of like I just put it on the back burner because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. But you always need it. So yeah, we just— that's when all relationship started really, and it's been beautiful ever since. Like, I've just learned to, to be quiet and peaceful and not like take everything personally. Like, honestly, people project a lot, and 99.9% of the things they say or do, it's not about you. There's something else underlying or they just want your energy. So just learning when— knowing when to give your energy, which people to give your energy to, like, it's all taught me there. Obviously it's taken another 2 years from there and I'm still learning, but yeah, it's, it's been a journey.

Yeah, yeah, I'm learning the same lessons as well, so that's very synchronistic. It's insane for sure. Yeah, but was there any— these are a lot of lessons to learn in 10 days. Yeah, yeah, they're like— did you have a certain experience that, um, stood out among the others while you were doing this, or was it all pretty much like this nice flow?

Oh no, it was not a nice flow.

Okay, more bumpy roller coaster.

Far from a nice one. You know, like, day one I was like excited, you know, I'm gonna get enlightened, I'm just gonna be so zen and like happy meditation, cool, cool. Day 2, I was just like, I was ready to leave, but I had been dropped off and my house was so far away, and it's like in this remote place you can't even catch public transport. If you wanted to leave. So day 2, I was just like, nah. But like, my hardest days were day 2, day 5 or 6, and the last day, like the last full day. It was just insane. Like, I can't explain it, but I guess it was just my ego or whatever just fighting because we're just trading in this new unfamiliar territory of, you know, trusting the intuition when we should use logic. So that was, yeah, that was insane. And like the lessons, they didn't all come at the same time, but it was just like a, what do you call it, um, domino effect of like when you work on something and then you just, it just comes up and up and up and up and it's Yeah, that's the way it's been happening since then.

So how does meditation— does meditation play a role in your life now?

Yeah, um, I meditate quite often now, um, especially before bed, um, because, um, the work I do, like this whole transmuting energy thing, like that energy has to go somewhere. And it has to be disposed of. So like meditation helps me purge that energy if I've like taken on energy that's not mine and stuff like that. It just helps me recall my energy and just release any other unnecessary energy in my body. So I use it for that. And just also like I get anxiety sometimes when I get too overwhelmed. And I used to get panic attacks before, but now I just meditate. And yeah, just being still with yourself, you know, it's, it's good.

Totally. Yeah, I got into meditation as a way to assist with anxiety as well. So it is— yeah, it is a great practice for that. Was it hard for you to get into the practice of meditating every day before bed? How did you conquer that?

Um, so after 10 days straight of meditating, I think I kept up with it for like one week after, and then yeah, I just started like going back to my old ways. But just these last 2 years with everything that's been happening in the world, you know, it's just a lot happening. So I just started meditating again, and I started with like maybe one night a week. I used to force myself, like I'll be like, okay, I need to meditate, I need to do this. But then I just realized that I don't need to do anything. Like, just ask your body, what do you feel like doing? And if it's meditation, cool, meditating. If it's bed, go to sleep. So when I started doing that, I actually started meditating more. I guess it was just me releasing that trying to be in control of everything.

Exactly. Isn't that beautiful? Like, your energy just shifted and then there it is. It's just happening.

Yeah, it's like a thing I do now. And if I don't do it one night, it's okay. I don't beat myself up about it. It's try again tomorrow.

Well, I love that. That to me goes back to tapping into your intuition too. Like, yeah, to me, my intuition tells me, oh Joy, you really need to meditate right now, or you need to do this mantra, or listen to this or that. Yeah, just being in that flow where you're open to receiving it no matter what form it comes in. I think it's beautiful, right?

It is. It's so good. And like, life is so much easier. But you know, our human selves, they always want to be in control.

Totally. Yeah, yeah. It's like a constant battle. There'll be days where I've like conquered it, and then I'm like, oh yeah, I am like flying high. And then the next day it's just like, I'm worried about everything. Yeah, but you know what, I'm getting— I'm slowly getting fewer and fewer worry about everything days, and I'm hoping by the time I'm like an old lady and I'm sitting there all wise and stuff, like, I'll just be so free.

You're already wise and free.

Oh yeah, so true, so true. All right, Tara Sai, thank you so much for sharing your story with us and, and talking with me today. I really appreciate it.

No worries, and thank you for holding space and allowing me to speak my truth. This is the first time I've talked about this, and I wanted to like talk about it for so long, but I just didn't know.

Well, thank you for—

thank you. Thank you.

Of course, you're welcome. Thank you, what an honor. Where can, where can people find you if they want to follow you somewhere?

I can find me on Venus by Design. So Venus, the goddess of love, by design. That's my on Instagram for some wholesome content.

I love that, I love that. And I'll put the link in the description box. As well for people.

Oh, thank you very much. This was fun.

This was so fun. We have to do this again for sure.

Yes, please. I have, I have a lot of knowledge and stories. I've been around many lifetimes, so I know.

Oh, there's a rabbit hole to go down for sure. I love it. Oh, your energy is beautiful. I'm going to go follow you on Instagram, or just make sure that I am for sure. And once again, thank you so much. Yes, thank you for being here. And yes, we will talk soon.

Thank you.