Meditation Stories with Soul Realignment Practitioner Jackie Lyons. Meditation & addiction recovery.

Hello.

My name is Joy D. Fanning, an astronaut of life, and I help people go inward to explore. This video is part of a series called Meditation Stories where you might hear me share some of my own stories, but the main part is to share other people's experiences because there are so many ways to meditate and so many things that come to us when we meditate. So without further ado, Here's the video.

Hi, how are you? I'm great, how are you?

I'm wonderful, I'm wonderful. Thank you so much for being here with me today.

Thank you for having me. This is— yeah, I'm super excited to be here and, and contribute to your work.

Yeah, I'm very excited to talk to you today because, yeah, I'm just— so Jackie, can you tell me a little bit about yourself and like what you do?

Yeah, so I am a wife and a mother. I have 4 amazing children, an amazing husband. I'm from Edmonton, Canada. Um, I am a facilities manager for a company here in Edmonton. That is my 9-to-5 job. Um, so it's a great company, get a lot of value out of the work that I do with them. Um, I was lucky enough to get taken on from them right before COVID hit, and they kept me on, basically allowed me to incorporate my own job or create my own job within the company. So I got a lot of value from that. Aside from that, I read the Akashic Record. So I took a course a couple of years back with— through Soul Realignment. If anyone's interested in the type of actual certification. Um, and really it's just reading for people, going back through past lives and energy centers. And in a nutshell, where, where I've been— I do both jobs as well as being a wife and mother, and, and that's kind of where I'm at at the moment.

That's awesome. Well, I think that— no, I kind of love that you have a more normal life, right? Because most people have a normal life where they have a job and kids and a family, and then it's like, and I'm supposed to add on meditation and spirituality on top of all of this? So you're living it. So I love this because, yeah, I don't have kids. This is my full-time job, so I have a different life. But I love that because, yeah, people are going to relate to that for sure.

So, well, and definitely, and within my work, I really try to relate to people, I guess, most like myself, because obviously that is where my experience lies. But people who do have 9-to-5 jobs, kids, commitments, aging parents, aging dogs, um, you know, and how, how you can find balance and incorporate a daily practice for yourself into your everyday experience. And, and finding that balance— and truly the key is balance, because none of life is going to stop because we're ready to take the next step in our spiritual journey. All that stuff keeps going, and if anything, it amplifies. So, um, Yeah, so that's, that's kind of what I try to do and who I try to reach within my work.

That's awesome. Yeah, I want to hear more about this Akashic Record stuff, but first, can you tell me how you even got into meditation and like how it all began for you?

Yeah, definitely. So I'm going to tell you, I'm an addict. I've been an addict forever, and when I mean addiction, I don't just mean drugs, which, you know, Yes, there was drugs, cigarettes, weed, food, codependent relationships, the need to buy things, the need to spend money. I mean addiction in such a broad sense. It's just an addictive personality stemming from, I guess, probably just a not— like a very insecure feeling of myself growing up. Not understanding really the emotions that I would feel. I was always very intuitive. I didn't understand if it was my feeling, if it was somebody else's feeling. I really actually at the time always thought they were my feelings prior to, you know, having kids and stuff. Like, I didn't fit in. I didn't understand. So it was really easy for me to, to get drawn into things that would help me get out of my head a little bit. You know, I had an experience when I was younger that I thought was the reason I got into drugs and alcohol. And actually, going back through the meditation and the work that I was doing, I realized that that was just one thing in my life, but it wasn't the thing that actually caused my codependent issues and stuff. It was really just a sense of not being good enough or not being secure with myself, and everything kind of stemmed from that. And that was just from not having that self-awareness. So that's kind of what started. So a couple years back, I went into an outpatient facility and I started to try to get this addiction under control. It had always been like a functioning addict where I could have a job and have kids and Quit for the kids, and then, but every 2 weeks it would creep up and it would have to be this planned event, and, and I couldn't break this cycle. And so I decided, you know, let's take the step, and I got really good into yoga. I was, oh, I love the yoga, but I wouldn't do the meditation for whatever reason. I shied away from it, probably because at that time I wasn't ready to really look at myself as the problem. Or that I, I had to do something to change. It was, it was very easy to play the victim, and I love to play the victim. I'm a victim of circumstance, everybody else is the problem. So I shied away from it, and the addiction didn't go away. And then somebody called me out, and really truthfully was about spite. They're like, oh, you can't do it. And I was like, you know what, you just watch me. And then I forced myself to meditate every single day for 2 weeks 5 minutes a day. It was nothing. Like, it was hard, but I said 5 minutes a day for 2 weeks, I'm gonna do it. And then it, it just started there, and it was— yeah, yeah. So that's kind of what got me into it. I know that's quite the story, um, but that's the reason. I hate to say it was out of spite, but whatever gets you there.

But so, no, I totally— I mean, I I have the same reaction. If you tell me I can't do it, I'm like, watch me.

Yeah, that's exactly right. I say it to my husband now. I'm like, you know, it is because of you. And it was because I wanted to show you that, you know, there's nothing I can't do if I want to. And, and I think COVID kind of put us in a situation where we really had no choice but to look at your life. And I had the choice, am I want to continue with this life and where this path will go Or am I ready to find out who I really am now? I've raised my kids. Like, my youngest is 8, so he's still got some to go, and my oldest is in college. But it's time for me to know who I am. And that's this. And then that started with the meditation.

That's a beautiful— that is so beautiful, Jackie.

I love it. Thank you.

Yeah, because, yeah, meditation. It's all about going inward, right? And knowing yourself on a whole other level. And deep breath— it's, to me, it's never-ending. You can just go and go and go and go learn and learn and learn. So yeah. So how did you go from 5 minutes a day to— I'm assuming you do more than that.

I do now. So yeah, so it started, I would take my time at my lunch break, and I started with the 5 minutes a day and I was listening to the beach sounds because I needed to get to the beach. So I started with the beach. I definitely wanted a noise-canceling headset because I'm very easily distracted. So it started there and I was finding it a little bit tough at first to quiet my mind. So I started to incorporate about a 10-minute stretch before, and then it started to just get a little bit longer. But I actually went to a hypnotherapist because I wasn't—

I—

there's so many people out there, oh, I see this and I see that. And then if somebody— if it was one of those guided meditations where people said visualize this and then I couldn't visualize it, or I would just stop, I'd be like, no, not for me. And then I wouldn't be happy with that. So I wanted to really find a way to get myself into a deeper state of meditation, or a deeper— not so much state of meditation, but a quieter mind, let's say. So I started with progressive muscle relaxation because that's what my hypnotherapist suggested. And he said, you know, they only— they book you for an hour. But if you're this kind of person who's like me, who needs a good talk down, like a good 10 to 15 minute talk down to really be in that space— and some people it could be up to half an hour, like when you're first starting to get to a quiet mind— you're not really going to get a benefit from a hypnotherapist if you took 30 minutes come down and now you have 25 minutes left of your session. I started practicing the progressive muscle relaxation on my own just through YouTube videos. It goes through a series of tightening and releasing certain muscles within your body, usually starting from your feet all the way to your head. Then by the time you get to your head, your mind is quiet and then you can move into your next step of meditation. That's usually where I'll turn the headphones off, I'll leave them on because I feel like, you know, I'm in that space still, but then I can really start to just have that quiet mind and learn to kind of hear things, perceive them, and then release them. So that was part of my practice with keeping my mind quiet.

Oh yeah, I love— these are noise canceling as well, and I meditate with them every day. It I can meditate without the headphones, but it just helps so much, right?

Sometimes it's just because you're always putting them on. It's just a mental cue for your mind that, okay, this is the time. And all of a sudden you'll start to notice, and especially after you do the, the muscle relaxation about 10 times, then you can do it faster and faster and faster. And then all of a sudden you can just close your eyes and it's like, okay, I'm ready. You don't need to do that anymore. You don't need that big talk down. But it does take a while, I would say. 3 weeks to really at least be able to sit there for your 10 minutes. If you're somebody who's very busy and hard, I would say a good 3 weeks. And you had to— I had to force it. Like, there was— I didn't want to. I don't, you know, my mind and my ego are like, don't stop, you're— think about this. Like, it's trying to stop me. Like, but I know the you know, it's beneficial, so I continue and I force myself to do it. And then it becomes something I want to do and I look forward to doing it. Now I can— I'm starting to like, hey, I'm remembering things faster. I remember how to spell that word I saw in a book yesterday that I could never think to spell before. It's like things are just coming quicker and I'm calmer and I'm, you know, I'm all of a sudden I feel like I'm up here looking at my life on all angles instead of just this view of this one path. So it was— and that probably it was about 10 days for me before I just was like, wow, something— this is something else. Like, like there's more to it than what I ever gave it credit for, for sure.

Yeah. So, so you started meditating and it's growing. How did this How did meditation impact your life and, and change? You mentioned a few things.

There was a lot. So the, the drugs became something— the cocaine specifically became something I never had to go back to again. And, and it wasn't— there, like, as my— as hard as it was for me to ever not go back prior, it, it like, it was like it was just gone. Like, I, and I literally, I, I was asking for help. Help me. I don't need this. It's not in alignment with me. I don't want it in my life. I'm done with this cycle. And it just was. And then there was no cravings. Like, obviously, like, it wasn't— we're a family. There was lots of things come up. Like, we're still on edge. But I started to really understand how my feelings were and what my— how my moods were affected. Now I'm finally off the drugs. I can sleep through the night. I know how I'm feeling. I'm not hiding these emotions. Things are starting to come back to me. So it was, it was really enlightening, but it was also really, really scary at times because I hadn't had a dream in years, years. I didn't even remember the last time I had a dream that I could remember. But all of a sudden now I'm having dreams and these are vivid dreams, and, and it was a little bit scary. And I'm getting waken up at night sometimes, and, you know, but I'm dreaming again. So that was amazing for me. I'm like, finally I'm remembering something from my dream. So it was really, really important to continue because I just, I felt like in my core, like this is where you'll find yourself. This is where you'll finally say, I know what I want. I know how I'm feeling. Like I could be sitting in a room watching something that I don't care about on TV and I'll have a whole movie in my head and someone will say, what are you thinking about? And I couldn't tell you. I'm like, who knows where I am? But now I can be like, oh, this is what I'm thinking of. And, and it's a great feeling because, you know, it's easy to just get lost in your mind. But oh yeah, being present in reality and active in your life and what your decisions will be, it's that feeling. It's a feeling I never had. So that's now like, it's like a passion. I strive for this feeling.

It's like you become the bus driver versus the passenger.

Well, exactly. And like, so one time in this, like, I do a sensory deprivation as well. I love to get out in the float. Um, it's a good hour and a half in there. It's very quiet, completely black, and you kind of release your negativity in the salt water. And I came out and I saw a girl from work, and she was there with a gentleman from work, and I got this really nervous feeling. I didn't understand what was going on. I felt like she busted me doing something wrong. And then I realized they're on a date. She's nervous. Those are her feelings. And for me to finally say it, I called out that that is not my feeling. I am picking up that she just got busted out on a date with a coworker. It's not me. So it was— that was like the best thing ever. Just be like, that's not mine. I can let that go.

So that's awesome. Yeah, so it sounds like meditation was kind of like the method or the tool you were able to utilize to, to go in, learn more about yourself, understanding gifts like, oh, I'm an empath and I'm just picking up her nervousness, that I'm not nervous, I'm happy.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, it was always there, but now you understand it and And well, exactly.

And so for people who are empathic and maybe don't know, but say you're at the mall before Christmas, like I just went there, I put my stone on. I'm like, I don't want any of your guys' negative energy around me because now I know I'm very sensitive to it. So I'll be— I'll get anxious, I'll be rushing, I'm not happy. And right away it's like this, like a cloud. So being able to be like, none of that's mine. I'm washing that off as I leave and I'm back to happy Jackie again. Like, what? Before it would be like, why am I so pissed off? Like, everyone's like, why did your mood change? I don't know. Screw you. It's your fault. Must be like, who knows? But yeah, it was just to have that power over your emotions or just to be able to call it out for what it is. Like, just that alone is everything.

Oh yeah, yeah, I obviously— yeah, I'm on the same path. I think that for me meditation is the primary like spiritual tool I utilize. So I guess one other thing I want to know is, so what does your meditation practice look like now?

Like, so I meditate because I do— so I do— I still do the yoga. So for me, I had I have a bad back, and my back gave out in the summer, uh, so much so that I had to call an ambulance. And I think it's— so I started doing a lot of yoga. I can't sit with a straight back. So a lot of people are like, okay, you can't meditate if you can't sit with a straight back. Well, I could sit with a straight back for maybe 5 minutes, but then you're like, I'm starting to shake, I can't sit like that. So that's not a good meditation practice. So you know, I would lay down and maybe put my feet up or put my back flat against the wall with my feet out. So I try a lot of different meditation styles until, you know, as I was strengthening my back with the yoga practice. So now I got this nice chair, it has a good straight back, so I'm finally to a place where I can sit up with a straight back and meditate for a good 45 minutes before I'll start to feel it in my shoulders, which is, which is really great. But I'm happy to lie down. And usually I try to do between half an hour and 45 minutes a day with the yoga as well. So I do a lot of yin, which is, if anyone knows, is a really meditative yoga practice for stretching and deep breath work. So it's really incorporated throughout each day, every day. And maybe, you know, there are Like I'll say, there's sometimes where it's a force. It, you like, usually for me, and I, now that I pay attention to it, I find it's with the moon cycles around the full moon. I find I'm really hard to meditate around the full moon, just not as connected. And it could be also my internal clock and just happens to line up that way. So I'll still do the 10 minutes, but I won't give myself a hard time if I can't, you know, get into a 40-minute meditation. That's fine. I did my self-work and I did my yoga practice. And it's good. And sometimes you only have 5 minutes and that's okay. Sometimes you want to just do the dishes and you have the dishes and you have your eyes open, but that's okay. As long as you are focusing on your breath, you can meditate with your eyes open. You can walk. It's conscious breath, right? So you can do it anywhere. People seem to think you have to sit quietly with your eyes closed, but you don't have to. You're busy. And if you can, if you have the forethought to be able to focus on your breath while you're doing something else, then all for you. We are multitaskers. I know there are people out there who can do it and they're just— then you do it anyway. Like, by law, I think they say after 6 minutes of a show, it's like your body's almost in a trance from the TV. So it— we already do it. I think we people just put a lot of labels on things. So, you know, you think you have to sit and, you know, it's great to do that, and you might be at a place you can, but not everybody's at that place yet.

Oh yeah, I think for me when I first started meditating, it actually happened at work. I worked at an Amazon facility and it was— I was moving my hands and scanning things, but it was so meaning— like so mindless, I would actually go into like a meditative state. And yeah, usually I would just daydream. I didn't really know what I was doing, but It made the time go fast.

Yeah, exactly. Like, there's just so many different options for a meditation practice that I think maybe, um, some people just don't know about, or they are meditating without even realizing it, right? Well, exactly. Like, I, I know for a fact that I used to go— like, I don't sleep on planes and I don't sleep on trains. I just can't sleep around other people like that. But I've always gone into a state, and I used to say it as a kid, it's like my body's sleeping, but my mind's awake. I didn't coincide that to being meditation. But now that I actually meditate, I'm like, that's the state. That's what I was in. It's like everybody thinks you're sleeping. But I'm hearing everything. And I'm kind of sleeping. You know, time goes by faster, I wake up and you're in Mexico or wherever you're headed. But I know I wasn't sleeping. So yeah, it's—

I love that. Yeah. It's, it's so interesting as, as you grow in experience and learn more, to view what it was like for you before and how it's— you were doing it then and you just didn't know it. Yeah, you weren't utilizing it maybe the same.

Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't conscious, but definitely the same practice. And that's why people say, well, you know, a lot of people say with the straight back, and that's what bothers me because You can meditate. I've meditated in a curled up fetal position before, so you can, you know, if alignment of the spine is, is amazing and it does wonders for your breath, but it's not the end-all be-all if you can't get there yet. It, it— I've been meditating for over a year and I still can't do more than 15 minutes with a straight back with no wall or anything. So I mean, we don't have to be so hard on ourselves though. The point is, is that we're taking time for ourselves. We put, like, how much time do you spend on your kids or your husband or your job? Like, you're not going to spend 5 minutes a day on yourself? Like, come on. Like, I would call anybody out. Give me a break. And I'm the person that I should have called out years ago. But I just, I didn't know the benefits of it. I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't have imagined. And the funny thing is, is once I started improving myself, There was a lot of shifting at first, but as I raised my vibration, everybody around me's vibration slowly starts to raise too, whether they want to or not. It happens. They may not want it, but it just does. It— you have to be in a vibrational alignment with whomever and whatever is in your experience. So if your vibration starts to go up, either the things in your life will start to raise with you, or they get out. And some for the good, some for the bad. But then that helps you to develop what type of boundaries are you going to set up with. You know, some people you have to get rid of, some people you might just need to reassociate those boundaries. But now you have a better understanding of what you're willing to allow into your life. So those type of boundaries and experiences are so much easier to do then because you're coming from a place of knowledge of yourself. Which is just amazing.

It is amazing because you can meditate, go inward, learn about yourself, and then have this beautiful outward expression and just see over time how— yeah, how the alignment you've made in meditation is impacting your life. Like, well, exactly, you don't have to leave that state of meditation at all.

You can choose and say yourself at the end of the meditation, I choose to take this state, this feeling, and this vibe with me throughout my day, throughout all my experiences. And I only want to allow things that are in alignment with my path in. And your higher self and your— it will happen. They will not allow you— like, your perspective will change. What used to bother you now, or what you can see people, you'll be like, oh, I can see them playing those puppet strings. I, I'm on to that game ahead of the time. Before you react, before it becomes a big thing, you can call it out and you could say, you know, I see what you're doing there, you know, you don't have to do that. And then they can't argue with that. They'll be like, oh yeah, okay, I apologize, sorry, you know, that's my old codependent self trying to pull you down because of whatever reason. But you're so self-aware that you see it beforehand, before you become a fight. You said, that's not for me, I, I don't allow that. And, and people have to respect it. It just happens. It It's crazy. Like, even just the way you hold yourself or present yourself, you just— every— it's like everybody can take notice. It's crazy.

Yeah.

And then people start to respect you because you respect yourself, and it just shines outwards. And I just, you know, I used to go like this, and I used to kind of hunch over, and I was always so— I didn't want to be seen. Yeah. So now when you stand and you have your back straight and your blood is flowing, it's like people take notice to that. It's, it's not necessarily something they see. It's just, it's just an energy that comes with it. Yeah.

Like a vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. That's a confident person vibe.

Exactly. And you're picked up on before you get in. And I'm sure, I'm sure you know it. There's some people you can just tell as soon as they open a door what mood they're in. Just like this wave of whatever. And You know, my dad used to be like that. You could just tell if you open the door, like, oh, he's mad today, right? So run the other way. But my vibe, I want to come in and people's energies are raised because I'm there. So, and I see it, I see it every day in my own family.

That's so beautiful, Jackie. Now you mentioned the Akashic Record. Do you like give readings? Um, I do pull into the Akashic Record.

Yeah, so I, I created my own. So currently it's mostly been— I did a lot of free readings when I first started because I didn't— one of my issues is I don't trust myself. And if I had— I hate labels, but if I had to put a label, label on what type of intuitive I am, it'd be a claircognizant. So that's— you don't know where you get the information, it's just there. So if you don't trust yourself, how do you know if you can believe it? So It was difficult, so I did so many free readings before I would even do mine or my family, because I, I just wanted to make sure that I understood the course content. And I realized as I started to go through it that where my power lies is that I read people's energy. So I help people align to their energy centers and develop actionable changes they can make to align themselves to their energy, which would be source energy. And this is for everyday people. So little changes you can make every day in your life. So for example, I, I come from an energy center of divine communication. So this would be communicating verbally, communicating in writing. Well, I'm a— I can't write. I can't write a paragraph. I can't write a proper email, or so I thought. But that's a limiting belief I put on myself because I never, you know, because I like to play the victim. Well, some teacher didn't teach me proper English. Well, no, I read, I write, I, you know, I've gone through all the school. I'm a business person. I see emails. I know how to do it. I just wouldn't get out of my own limiting belief about myself that I can't write. So what did I do? I started writing my own little inspirational quotes. These are things that I used to share other people's on Facebook. I was like, you know what, I can write these quotes. I have some insight. So that's how I started to break those limiting beliefs about myself and realign to what my truth is, whether it helps anybody or not. It's really the benefit. It's helping, it's helping me. So, and I've just seen my improvement in my writing skills. Like I'm getting notes from my boss saying, you know, great job. And I literally just wrote it up in 5 seconds. It wasn't like before, I used to stress and I'd have to people read it over first. And now it's like something that just comes natural. And this is all in such like, we're talking months, not years. And this is just finally after I let these things go. So really actionable changes that can be happening with, with you. So whether it's self-trust or self-worth, or whether it is some generational type of trauma, there are little small things that you can do to realign to source. And you can do these today, and you can start to feel this influx of vital source energy coming into your experience. So it's pretty exciting. I've got some really good feedback from a lot of people. I did do a free— a bunch of free ones for the Facebook, the community, when we first started in the Full Purpose community. And it wasn't free, we did a kind of like a shared exchange of services. Um, just to kind of network and get our names out there, um, when we first started. So that was, that was really exciting. And I'm ready to launch my official website, um, here soon. Um, I'm pretty critical about everything, so I want to triple-check everything before I put my name out there. So up till now, things have been mostly word of mouth. Um, but if I ever do want to get to a point where this is my full-time purpose and That's the plan that I have. It's time to put myself out there and really, um, yeah, get, get, get my business out there and get my information out there for, for people who need it.

Yeah. Do you have like an Instagram or anything that people— yeah, can follow?

Yeah, I do. So it's Jackie Stole Stories, um, and then also the website which is jackiestolestories.com. Um, so Definitely. I can send you the link if you're interested. And yeah, anybody who is interested, there's, there's a few services that I offer. We also read vibration rates, soul origination. So a lot of traits and stuff come to you based on where your soul incarnated from the, from the beginning. So there's some starseed readings, some mini energy center readings if people are just looking to realign to their energy center and they're not so much concerned about any past life blocks and restrictions. So lots of good things on there to, to pique people's interest.

What you do as far as like how you pick up on things. And so for you, you just kind of like know it, right? Because you—

yeah. And for whatever reason, it's always been this way, I guess. Like I like to say my superpower is optimism. Like I have a way of just seeing the, the good in everything and every person. I, I know what— I don't know, I don't want to sound cocky, but I just— it's like, it's funny how you could see something for someone else and just know the best path for them, but it's harder to do that for yourself, I guess. And that's probably where the meditation comes in the most, is, is, is trusting what's best for you. And I wish, you know, I wish I would take some of the advice that I'd give to other people, but it's you know, it's looking through a glass lens, I guess. But to me, it's inspiring to show people what they can do when they don't believe in themselves and they don't believe they can. But I can see that they can. And I— and to get messages back and from people saying, you know, how much the work has helped them, you know, that, that's everything. Like, that's all I need. I only need a, you know, one comment and my whole life is perfect. So that's kind of it. That's what matters, is that they— that it mattered to them. So if I didn't feel like anybody was getting any work, I wouldn't have kept up with it. It would— but because I felt so strongly in it, then, you know, I really bought the course to just read for myself, and I was the last person I read for. So I mean, where I thought I wanted to be or what I was— my plan was really changed you know, since becoming more self-aware. Like, I had this— I thought I was gonna be fine. Like, I did manifest this job where I make good money, great job. I thought I'd be happy with that. I finally got the paycheck I want, and it's not enough. I thought it would be enough, but it's not enough. It's not nearly enough. So yeah, and it's exciting and it's scary, but you you know, at this point, I'm not ready to, you know, to assume the universe is just going to catch you if you leave your 9 to 5. And not everybody is. And that's really what I'm focusing on, is that a lot of people, we can't— we have life commitments, we have people in our lives that we can't just say, okay, universe, catch me, here I come. We can't just do that. Not everybody can. So but there are small changes that we can make into our lives to bring in better energy so that we can start moving in that direction and feel comfortable and confident doing so.

Oh, totally. Yeah. Well, it's totally a journey, right? And like, like you said, you got the dream job, but then you're not feeling fulfilled because you're already on the next step, leveling up.

Yeah.

And just on and on and on. I totally, totally resonate with that myself. It's— but it's a beautiful journey. And then once you realize that's what's going on, you're like, oh wow, where am I gonna end up?

Well, that's the thing, it's like, you know, we keep thinking— I kept thinking, like, I had kids young and I kept, oh, you know, my life's done. No, I'm like, the time I'm, you know, 45, my kids are all over 18. What do you— I mean, 45 is so young. I have a whole lifetime to discover what it is what I'm truly meant to do here. Like, I, I always knew there was something that was bigger. I knew it in my soul. I just didn't know how to get there or what to do at the time because I was burying that stuff with, with addiction and codependency and victimization, really. So, you know, until I was able to let that stuff go and just say, you know, that's okay. It's okay that those, you know, feelings are there, but I don't have to continue to live in this cycle anymore. Like, I'm manifesting the same experience over and over and over again, but the one common denominator is me. So if I'm not willing to look at myself and start to make a small change, then I'll— sure, I'll blame that guy again and I'll go, you know, do the same thing over again. But I had to say this time it's— I saw it stops with me. Like, even the generational trauma, like, my kids don't need to have that anymore. It stops with me.

So that is so, so beautiful. I love your story, Jackie. Thank you so much for taking this time to talk with me and, and to share with everyone.

Yeah, I definitely— I want to thank you because, I mean, it really— it's a great thing Meditation is so important. I think every single person should do it in some sense of the word. And I really, I really think it's great that you were reaching out and bringing people together and gave me the opportunity to kind of to say my two cents on the subject, which is, which is just great. I feel amazing about it.

Me too. Me too.

Yay!

Well, thank you, Jackie.