The Risk of Friendship

Welcome! My name is Joy D. Fanning, an astronaut of life. I help spiritual seekers go inward to explore. In today's personal truth video, I want to talk about the risks around friendships because odds are you've been hurt by a friendship before and it freaking sucks. I think we can all agree on that. So I want to talk about my own experiences, what I learned to help me kind of open back up to friendship after experiencing experiencing like a bad one. So here we go. I talked about this a little bit in last week's video, but I really kind of want to go in more depth about it, about a friendship I had this past fall that really really, I mean, I think I said it felt like a stab in the heart and the back simultaneously. And I really think that's the best way to kind of express that. It was very rough. I never got to tell this person how they made me feel or, or how I dealt with it. This is kind of my chance on my channel to speak my truth, right? Bear with me here, guys. This is me being vulnerable and kind of getting this out. I'm not exactly sure when I met her. I'm not gonna name her, of course, but it was a girl. For me, I've always had more guy friends than girlfriends. I'm kind of a tomboy and was always like one of the guys, you know? So I've always wanted to have girlfriends. I have a brother and I think one girl cousin out of all my cousins. So I've always been around guys. So it was very exciting for me to make a, a girlfriend, which I haven't had in a long time. I'll tag above these past episodes where you can, if you want to, you can learn about my traumas around that, right? I had joined this spiritual community called Full Time Purpose back in August of last year. I met so many cool people, so many cool people in it, and one of them was this girl. Um, we were all like building our businesses and having these programs and stuff. She was making a program on like doing inner work or inner child healing or something along those lines. I don't fully remember. And I'm— she wanted volunteers, and I knew I had something to heal around that, so I volunteered. And her program very much did help me, right? It was very beautiful. And we talked a little bit after that, and then at one point I must have said something to her, and she She added me to this group with a few other people and called it a soul family. And we all started talking and getting along and having these beautiful spiritual experiences. So far, at that point, it was a very beautiful experience. And around this time, this is around the fall of last year, I was learning how to use my own gifts, and I was having very vivid experiences. One experience I've had that I've always, since I've had it, I've been a little trepidatious to talk about because of what I'm about to tell you, because people are gonna take it the wrong way and it can kind of like, I guess, off-put people. But I was connecting to my guides at this time and kind of learning who they were. And at that time, I really only knew like who one guide was, which is Shiva, who works with my third eye, and I've mentioned him before, but this is not about Shiva. I was working on my crown chakra. The Archangel Lucifer, as in Lucifer Lucifer, came to me and shared— I saw these experiences with him. They were like first-person point of view, and it confused me a lot, but he had an angelic energy. It wasn't devil or demon or any Satan. It was Lucifer, and he was an angel, and it was in his angel form. We met with Source or God, and I saw this drama play out between Lucifer and God, and I really didn't understand it at all. And this friend that I had that I'm talking about, I went to her because I, at the time, I viewed her as having more spiritual knowledge and insight than me. I was like, oh my gosh, does this mean like I'm Lucifer? What does this mean? She basically was like, yeah, I think you are. I didn't really know how to take that. I was— as soon as like Lucifer showed up, I was very freaked out. It brought up a lot of issues on my own part that I've later dealt with, and at some point I'll make a whole video on this Lucifer thing because To me now, having more experiences— and this is a side note, by the way— Lucifer, I guess, and Source helping me heal a lot of trauma I had because I grew up in a Christian household and remove myself out of duality. Okay, so that's— he really wants attention, so this is his hello. Say, keep touching mommy's leg and interrupting her. Okay, Cubie, there you go. He's, he's on my lap and I'm gonna keep talking and you can just chill, peel. Okay, so to me, the Lucifer thing was Lucifer and Source working together to, to show me duality and help me kind of raise my consciousness out of it because there was a series of visions and experiences over months we're talking about where I was able to put this whole picture together. But in this initial one, I went to this friend. I told— I like, it scared me, right? I was scared. I didn't know why I was seeing Lucifer. Why was he showing up as an angel when he's supposed to be like Satan or something? And, and why did I have to see him and not like Gabriel or Michael or some other, like, angel angel where you don't have to worry about the, you know, Lucifer, right? I mean, that's, that's a lot. I never got the full reason why. She never told me personally why. But maybe a week or so later, I— just to kind of give you some context here, I do not live in America. I'm an American. I live in Colombia. I haven't been back to America since I left in the very beginning of 2020. Literally New Year's Day I left. So it's been over 2 years now. At the time of this incident, it was my second Thanksgiving outside of my home country. And when I lived in America as an adult, especially like on the West Coast where I wasn't near my family, Thanksgiving wasn't too big of a thing for me. But here, being outside my own culture, and it's very hard to get the Thanksgiving ingredients, and nobody obviously talks about it. They do not celebrate it here. It's an American holiday and Canadian. But anyway, I, I put in this little group chat we had, like, hey guys, tomorrow I think is It's Thanksgiving and it's bringing up emotions because I miss my family and I really could use some extra love. And literally, it felt like minutes after I said that, I got kicked out of the group. I got ghosted on everything. It just flabbergasted me. I was like, wait a minute, these people are supposed to be my soul family. Why? Why are they ghosting me? Why? You know, like, is it— was it wrong for me to ask for support on a holiday? Like, yeah, I know you're busy, but you could at least, like, you know, think about me and send some love or something. That's all I was really asking for. I don't think it had anything to do with that. But for me, that felt like an extra blow, right? Because I was being vulnerable. I— it's very hard for me to ask for help. I'm a very independent person. So it was like, I'm being vulnerable here. And then I— door slam. And yeah, I think— I don't— I'm assuming she still does thinks I'm like the devil or something. And it's, it's very sad. My— she, she tried to get my other friends to think the same way, which they did not. You can judge for yourself if you think I'm the devil, but I can tell you from my From my point of view, I am not the devil. I am me. Well, in one sense, we all are because we're all one, right? And to me, that includes this devil character and Jesus. They're one. We're all one. So in that point of view, yes. But I don't— I think she was coming at it from a dualistic point of view, not a view of oneness. So that's kind of how it went down. I still feel kind of weird putting this on camera because the fear is that people will assume I'm the devil. I trust your judgment, right? And I trust my own. I, like I said, I'll have to make a whole video on it because I still kept working with Lucifer and he kept showing me more and more and bringing me to this point of fully realizing, not only in my mind but in my heart, in my whole being, this oneness. And I, I'm a clairvoyant, so I see visions. And I saw it and it was beautiful. And it was like, oh, okay, this is why you're working with me, to help me figure this out. And just another little tidbit, he also told me to watch the show Lucifer, which I, I kind of rejected that idea for a while, but then I did. And if this is triggering you, and you, you're like, I know Joy's not the devil, but like, why in the hell is she talking about Lucifer? Go watch that show. Watch it the whole way through. Okay. And to me, that will kind of help you kind of figure out— that was a big help for me. I learned through stories. I'm a storyteller. I write my own stories, and I love to watch and read stories. So it is a perfect blend for me to kind of see this figure and see it in a different light, because I really think we project onto the devil what we all assume the devil is, which is like evil, right? But in the show Lucifer, Lucifer the character is actually truth. He punishes evil because he's so freaking Pure mind bender. Okay. I'm not saying I agree with everything in that show. Okay. Straight up. But I mean, it's a— it was used to help me shift my perspective. So what all— that's a big, long tangent, and I'm sorry for that. This was the rift that happened in this friendship resulted to this stab in the heart in the back the day before Thanksgiving when I felt lonely and really could have used a friend, right? So, I mean, it was like, just let's just stab Joy. That's literally what it felt like. And I just cried and cried and cried. So what do you do? What do you do if your friend thinks you're the devil? What? Bullshit. Um, well, you process. You process it. Just like If it was a breakup, it felt like a breakup, a very bad, ugly breakup. Like, even now I can feel like the anger almost trying to bubble up, but I was freaking pissed. I was pissed off. She really hurt my feelings and it made me very, very angry and sad and emotional. And I wanted her to know that, right? Like, I was like, so, What I did to channel that was I wrote letters that I never sent, but it was only like, fuck you, what the hell, you know, just on and on, getting those, that anger out. It literally took me like a month and a half to release that anger, like legit. And then slowly by slowly, she ghosted all those other friends I had, and they had to go through had, sadly, the same kind of, you know, being stabbed emotions. And so we were all kind of miserable together for a while, but we processed it. And now looking back, it definitely feels like a karmic relationship, right? Like, that's why she was brought into our lives, and that's why she left. And I honestly can say it's for the better. I'm not sure what I would do if she tried to come back in. It would really depend on a lot of things. It would never be— I don't imagine I would let her in at that same level, right? At least not right away, not like I did. And here's the thing. I wanted that friendship so badly, wanted a soul family, a place to belong. That when I saw red flags or when I would hear something she would say that I didn't quite agree with, I would, I would stay silent, which is my old programming. That's an old Joy thing that I carried on from the past. And so having this break, this separation, this person spreading negativity about me, about me even I had to look at myself, you know. Well, what did I do wrong? Because obviously I know I had, you know, it's not all one-sided ever. And I was like, well, I didn't stand up for myself. I didn't listen to the red flags. I, I needed to do those things. I needed to do them, and I didn't. So it was a big lesson for me. So if you find yourself in a situation like this Please use this as a warning. I don't want you to have to go through this heartache. Okay? If you have red flags, even though you really love this person and they're an amazing friend, like, just put on the brakes a little bit. If you don't feel comfortable speaking your truth, definitely put on the brakes. If you do feel comfortable, say it. See how they respond. And that should give you your answer, right? Now granted, I didn't do that in that situation, but going forward, after I figured out these lessons, I was like, okay, I know what I need to do. Even if it's uncomfortable, I have to speak my truth, and I have to call people out on their shit, even if I don't want to, even if I think it'll make me look like the bad guy. Because that's, that's what I've learned. That's what I've carried. This is like the lesson here. One of many. So that's kind of the first part. To me, friendships and this whole getting hurt is just like love relationships. I've hurt people, not intentionally, but unintentionally before. It obviously makes me sad, right? Like, that's just life. It's— we're all different. Not everybody thinks the exact way you do. We have these personality tests and our human design and all these things, but in the end, we're each very unique, a unique expression of source in the oneness. So take your time. When you are ready to make new friends— like, after I didn't really make any new friends when I was in that releasing anger stage, I had the rest of the people in that soul family grew, and we were all kind of going through it on our own. And even now, that dynamic is pretty much— I don't want to say dead, but it's, it's not how it used to be before she ghosted us, right? So we've kind of had to learn to adjust, and some of us have grown closer, some of us are not, but we're working through our own— we had to work through our own stuff, and we were there to help each other. And so I'm repeating myself now, but if this happens to you, if you've had it, if this is a situation you find yourself in, take the time you need to heal. It could take a month, it could take 3 months, it could take a year. Whatever you need, take it, because what's on the other side of that healing is even more friends. And if you listen to this month's personal truth videos that come out on Sundays, which I have a playlist of, I'll tag below. I mean above and below. Haha. You can kind of, kind of, I give more tips on friendship. I kind of lost my train of thought there. My other cat wants out, but my husband's doing a photo shoot, so she's not allowed out. Yeah, so When I was ready to make new friends, I didn't even really like try. That's the cool part. I just started, I kept doing my videos, I kept doing things, and people started reaching out to me. And I just started building these connections. And before I knew it, I had a shit ton of connections. And one of those people in my core soul family group I'm not going to name her either. She knows who she is. We decided to— it was her idea, but we decided to create a, like, group or business together, and it's brought together 12, including me, beautiful ladies. So it's like this core family, this soul family that I was so I was eager for and eager to join that blew up in my face. And then now I've healed and I've learned these lessons, and now I'm in an even bigger group with the most amazing people that I've met doing these interviews on the channel, doing other things. And somehow we've all come together and we're this unique group of people. Is like the coolest thing ever. And it's like, I don't— I really haven't seen any red flags yet. And it's such a beautiful thing that it's literally tripled. This circle has tripled, right, on these core friends. And to me, that's a blessing that was bestowed on me for doing the healing work and taking that time to heal and learn from the lessons from this this big risk I took with this other girl. Doesn't— does it mean that nothing like this could happen again? No, it could totally happen again, right? That's the risk of friendship. That's the risk in any relationship. But it's a two-way thing. And when you learn to sense energy, which we can all do— if you're an empath, if you identify with that, you can already do it, right? You can feel it and, and you just kind of know and trust it. Okay, trust it. When I met this girl that ghosted me and thought I was the devil or whatever, I wasn't trusting my own intuition at the time. And this is— that's the result. It blew up in my face. It stabbed me in the heart in the back. Was not pretty. It was not fun. I would not recommend it. That's, that's why you have to have your own boundaries, which is a common theme through all of these personal truth videos, at least this month of March where we're talking about friendship. You're doing yourself a service and them when you set your own boundaries. So if you need to take it slow, like I'm It takes me a bit to get close to people. I need to take it slow. So giving myself the space and allowance to do that and let these friendships build organically is turning out to be a beautiful thing. And it's happening, it's working. And I can see this vision I might have had with this other friend isn't— was like a— it was a great vision, but what it's turned into now is even more— I don't want to say perfect, but it's even more beautiful. So no, you're gonna have to take a risk. I think that's just like a redundant thing to say almost, right? Like, we all kind of know this. Odds are you've gone through your own experience already where someone said false things about you and you had to overcome it. Think back. If, if you're still struggling with making friends, really think back to that moment. And if you're like, Joy, I've never made friends since then, I'm too nervous, I'm too scared and fearful, that means you need to work on you. There's nothing else going on outside of you You are totally worthy of friends. That's not even up for debate. But you need to create the space for them. And one, as I learned myself, it's best if you've healed. So if you're struggling and you're like, yeah, that happened and I still can't make friends, do the inner work. And by inner work, I mean Look inside yourself. What, what's— what are you compromising? What are you believing that's a false belief? Do you believe you're unworthy of friends? Because that's not true, right? So heal it. How do I heal it? Well, one, you heal it by letting those emotions out. And that's not fun. I'm just going to be honest with you. It's not fun to to feel those emotions. But let yourself feel those emotions no matter what they are. Write it out. You might have tucked it way down deep, so it's going to take a little digging to get to it. Okay, write it out. Meditate. Go to a therapist if you want. There's nothing wrong with that. Get a coach. You know, there's so many options out there to heal this, and it's it's really your responsibility. So if you're like, I've always wanted to make friends, I had a friend and they hurt me, and, and now like I don't know how— this basically goes back to my last episode where it's like, okay, but you have to take the risk. Friendship is a risk, at least in the beginning as you're getting to know people. And just like in love relationships, there can be a temptation to just run with it and go and, oh, they're amazing. I just want to be their best friend and they're my best friend. And I've only known them 2 days, but we're like, you know, soul sisters or whatever. Not saying that's wrong, but just let yourself take a step back and, and protect yourself in a way. And, and organically get to know them. Yeah, there could be something there, but it also could be karmic. I really don't want you to have to go through that pain again, but if you have to, if it ends up happening, know there is light at the end of the tunnel, okay? One thing, a few things I want to say. If you need help with your healing, I do offer personalized meditations. If you've never listened to any of my meditations, I as well, probably like 20 or so. I was gonna say a zillion on this channel. I also put them on Insight Timer. You can totally listen to them if you want to get a feel or for what they're like. But a personalized meditation is where I connect with your energy, ask your guides, they give me a vision, I turn it into a story or visualization, and I write a meditation for you personally. That will assist you. So this can be healing, inner child, whatever you need. You can check my Etsy store, email me, message me, whatever. We can work it out. But this is a great tool to help you with this inner healing if this is where you're at. Okay, keeping on the topic, meditations every Saturday at 12 PM Eastern. I do a live group with beautiful people. Great place to make friends again. You're totally welcome to come and we meditate together. So once again, you can get to know me better, these other beautiful people that come, and meditations, and just the way I do meditation. That's it for me, you guys. I love you all so much. Please remember, you are totally worthy of friendship, and beautiful friendships at that. This is a time of soul families coming together, so do not be surprised if new people are coming into your life, okay? I love you all. You are beautiful. Stay well, my beautiful explorers. Namaste.