Settle 7 Estates – Organize 365 Team Unexpected Events – Virginia

Virginia, welcome to the Organized 365 Podcast.

Hello.

So Virginia has been on the Organized 365 team for a year, helping us in marketing and sales, and she lives in Florida. When she was first— were you first interviewed on the podcast when you lived in Maryland? We've had you on the podcast before, right?

Yeah.

Okay. Um, so Virginia was with us in Missouri When Monique was there and everything was going on with Alina, she was— Virginia was in charge of running the homeschool convention. She had been with me the month prior, and we had done a big event in Florida. And when you got home after that Missouri event, you realized, um, you could not do any traveling. So even though I was already trying to fill in for Monique for South Carolina, all of a sudden I needed to fill in for you also. Because being a traveling mom just was not going to work for you and your family.

No, it wasn't. And it was, it was odd for me because I traveled just so much throughout my 20s and even early 30s. And even with one kid, I was able to get away with it. But I lived in Maryland where the majority of my family was.

Yes. So your, your story is similar to Monique then, as everything was falling apart for Monique. She didn't have any family, any extended family, not even really any friends in the Community yet. to rely on. So, so you found yourself in the same situation in Florida?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And you basically said, I'm not traveling, like, not even in 2 weeks. So I'm— there will be no traveling. So that I was like, okay, how am I going to make this South Carolina thing work? Which we already discussed in some of the other podcasts. But along the way, in that realization of not traveling, you also realized that it wasn't just that you couldn't travel because, you know, you had young kids. More of it was the complexity of having so many parents.

So many parents.

So many parents, so little time.

Yeah, it's crazy. Um, I hadn't even really thought about it until I guess I was listening to one of your podcasts. I think I was listening to the podcast about the financial binder, um, which we'll link here for you guys. But I realized that Oh my goodness, this is part of my problem. I have— because, um, I'm a product of a divorced family and my husband's a product of divorced family. So then you have these 2 separate parents and then they remarry and then you end up with 4 parents. So, and not only that, I haven't even told you this yet. So my dad is one of 4.

Oh geez.

And he's the only one in his family who had children. So I have 2 aunts that basically I'm their child, right?

Like, so do you have siblings?

I have a sister. Yes, one sister. So, so when you're like the only one, you really— like, I was listening to that and you were talking about how many estates you're gonna have to settle, right? I was like counting in my head and I was like, there's got to be like 8 or 9 that I know of.

Right. I mean, I don't want us all to have, you know, need a defibrillator while you're doing your dishes or driving right now. But when you really start to think about, especially if you're in the Gen X population, baby boomers are going to settle estates, but baby boomers have a lot of siblings. That's why it's called the baby boom, for crying out loud. Gen Xers, we have very few siblings, if any, and our parents got divorced and remarried. So it's like, oh my gosh, like, maybe you shouldn't do the math is all I have to say about it, because it is a lot.

Right.

And so while you and your kids and your husband are just fine, the complexity of caring for and being responsible for adults impacts your ability to work and how you live your day-to-day life, because it's not just your nuclear family, it's the entire family that you are responsible for.

Exactly. No, and I've seen that because myself and all my friends right now, we are sandwich generation hard. Like, we are, we are going between the kids and the parents and, and, and Going back and forth. And, you know, it's— I see it. Like, I don't want to talk about my parents aging, but like, aging. They're aging.

Yeah.

And so that realization, I mean, my dad, and he won't mind me telling this story because he doesn't mind at all. He came down to visit me and I was like, oh, Dad, we have to play pickleball. And I took him with me to play pickleball. And we're like 5 minutes into playing pickleball and he dislocates his shoulder and we're on the way to the emergency room.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't play pickleball because I would do that at my age.

I just—

a little aggressive with the pickleball, are we?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I, after you said how many you were doing, then I was like, oh, maybe my number is higher than 5. It is higher than 5. So, I said to my mom, because she has, she has this house and she has like 2 acres of land, she's like, this is a lot of work. And I'm like, yeah, why don't you just move to a retirement community? She's like, 72, and she's 75. She's like, I— what? And I was like, yeah, I don't understand. So I remember when my grandmother and grandfather moved into a really nice retirement center in Cleveland. My grandmother was 70, and her children, my mom and her sister, gave her so much grief about it. And I remember my grandma saying, look, my husband's 80, and I don't want to take care of this house and this yard anymore. Like, there's no stairs, breakfast is made for you. Like, it's, it's all fine. And so now I'm saying to my mom, like, when are you going to sign up? Like, get on the waiting list. And like, her friends are moving in. I'm like, yeah, like, who wants to do all this work? I don't understand why you want to do all this work. And she looked at me like, I cannot believe you're having this conversation with me. I'm so young. And she is so young, especially for in our family. You're going to live to be like 100. But at the same time, I'm like, stop doing all the work. Like, it's a lot of work to have a house. And I'm also thinking like, that house is a lot of work.

Right.

It's work.

It's all work. It's all work. Yeah, we, we just— I mean, a lot of things have been going on with the health of all of both my husband and his parents. And then, um, my mother-in-law just lost her mother-in-law, and so she's kind of been going through that and then talking to us about what she wants and how she wants to be taken care of and all of that. So I think I've really been trying. My dad just went through some major changes in his life, so I've kind of been trying to use all of these things as opportunities to have like difficult conversations with each and every single one of these people.

All right, Virginia, you're good at, um, I don't know, you have the funnest sayings. Like, you'll just have— you'll— we'll be in a meeting and you'll just come up with these little sayings. So I cannot wait to find out what sayings are going to come out of this podcast. So my conversation with my mom, I mean, it was fine. Like, she wasn't offended, but she also was like, I'm too young. How do we, how do we get people in their 60s and 70s to do their homework so that we can take care of them in their 80s and 90s? Ready? Go.

I think homework is the term that we've been using. Like, it is your homework, but it's okay. So here's the thing. It starts with you, right? Like, you have to set the tone. Um, you have to model the behavior that you want to see from your parents. And I know it's like a weird dynamic, but so here's what I did, because I was like, uh, once I listened to the Financial Finder podcast and I had this realization, I go back to my husband and I'm like, oh my gosh, all of these people need to be organized with their financial and medical records. Because step 1 is actually like the medical records. Like, I need to be able to advocate on their behalf.

Right.

I mean, when I had to take my dad to the emergency room, The nurse is like, what medications is he on?

I don't know.

Plenty. I saw a bunch of it.

I saw the orange one, the green one, and the blue one.

I literally had to go home, get all of his prescriptions, put them in a Ziploc bag, and take them with me back to the hospital so I could show the nurse so they don't give him something that reacts and, you know, bad news. So I think that for me, I made it all about me. So they need to do— they have the essentials, right? Everybody on earth needs a medical binder and a financial planner. It just is what it is. Um, it's like getting your wellness exam. It's like going to the dentist every 6 months. Like, you just need to do it. It's just— it just is what it is. It's not— it's not the most fun you're ever gonna have organizing. But once you— I will say this, and I think you've said this in other podcasts too. Once you've got those binders set up, It's done. You're done.

Yeah, you just— maintenance. It really is.

It's just— and it's all right there. It's— and it actually just makes it all so much easier to have a place. So I made it all about me. So I, I found that it was easiest if I shared with them the relief that I felt that I had all my stuff organized. And if should anything ever happen to me, this is where you find everything about me, about the kids. Here's the medical stuff. Here's the financial stuff. So I made it all about me, and then I segued into them, and I was like, how would I do this for you? Where's yours? I want to be prepared for you. I need to be there for you. And, um, and I was, I was doing it with my dad because he had the most life changes. So this was a good time. Like, everything was already raw and out and open. So I'm like, okay, so. I gave him the financial binder and I, I took the funeral planning stuff out.

I think this is key. I love that. Like, that's genius. Like, just take it out. Like, they don't even need to know that section is there. That's for you anyway.

You're gonna love this part. So I took that part out, gave him the binder. He calls me up. My dad is not technological at all. He doesn't even own a computer. A mouse is still something you catch with a trap as far as my dad knows. So he calls me up. He loves it. He's like, I love it. I'm getting it all together for you. He's calling me constantly like, I need your Social Security number. I'm changing my beneficiaries at the bank. I'm doing this.

I'm doing that. Yay, Dad! Yay, Dad!

He's doing the homework, right? He's getting it all together for me. And I'm like, okay, the next thing we're going to do is your medical records because I need to be able to advocate for you on that side too. And I'm in Florida. You're in West Virginia. I need to have all of that stuff. And we already had this system where he was going to give it to my sister. She was going to scan it in so we both have access. And, um, so he calls me and he's like, oh, I loved it. He was like, I got it all done. He's like, the one thing that was missing was funeral planning. So I went— he goes, my parents did that for me. He said, one thing I really appreciated that was my parents already had like their Funeral planning done for me. So all I had to do was carry it out. So I want to do that for you. But that was missing. And I was like, it wasn't missing. I took it out. And I was like, good job, Dad. Like, you get extra credit. Um, so, so then I also did it with my mom, my mother-in-law, my, my father-in-law. Like, I— but I made it all about me. And I was like, oh, okay, show me your system. And if it's better, then we'll just stick with it. But if it's not better than this binder, then we're doing the— then we're moving your system into the binder. And I think the nice thing about the binder is it's not something I created, right? Because no parent wants— like, I don't know, maybe it's my family are all very hardheaded. They're stubborn. We're all like this. And so, um, it's like a principle issue. They don't want a binder I created. So if I'm like, this is just what the world is using. This isn't me. This is from the earth. And I give them the binder, and I show them how they need to get it all set up. But then it's done.

It's done.

And they feel good about it. And they— I think parents really do want to feel like they're setting their, their kids up for success, and that they're not going to be a burden. Because that's the one thing my mother-in-law has been talking a lot about since she just went through this with her mother-in-law. She's like, how— She's— she was really looking at like, how can I set myself up? Because I don't want to burden You guys, I don't, you know, there's a lot of pride involved too, I think.

So have you gotten everybody to do it in less than 6 months?

I'm trying to think if anybody hasn't done it. Oh my gosh, Virginia, that's amazing. Everybody's checked off. Well, and it's funny because like once I showed them that I had done it, I don't know, my family's competitive. I mean, Everybody's gotten it done, really. I mean, they really looked at it like homework. Like, they didn't just put it in a pile to do later. They were like, Virginia told us to do this. We got to do this. And I think it was cathartic for a couple of the family members. Like, I think they really, like, felt good about working through it. And I think the medical binder also makes you think about your health. And it makes you think like I mean, we had one family member who was skipped— who skipped their, their regular colonoscopy, and that didn't turn out so well.

Mm-hmm.

So I think that it really has made them all look at like, am I, am I checking all the boxes? I think the new medical binder annual exam page that you and Monique created is key. And I think it made them think about their health. So I think they want— I mean, once they got started, They wanted to do it more than I even did.

Wow. So that annual medical binder check sheet is in the Productive Home Solution. So now that the Productive Home Solution is a full year, that program, which is lifelong, so you get in, you just do it over and over and over again. There are some things that you just have to do annually. So inside of the Productive Home Solution, which has these 2 binders and all of them, we spend a week each month either creating the binder if you haven't created it, which it takes longer than a week, or maintaining it once it's created. And then there's a second week for each binder for whatever you would need to do. So there's like this sheet that you download for the medical binder that's like, okay, here are all the doctor's appointments that you would have in a week schedule, or in a year schedule them. Like, and then you check off like, okay, I've got all the doctor's appointments for a year scheduled for everyone in my family. It's brilliant. And same thing with financial. Like, the financial binder is all of your future money. But then for the second week in the Productive Home Solution, we talk about Budgeting and what your budget should be and updating your budget. So there are additional things inside of the Productive Home Solution that coincide with the binder, and that's what you're referencing with that annual doctor sheet. It's checklists. We just need to have better checklists, more checklists so that we don't forget things.

Absolutely.

Now, I love how you said that your dad was updating the beneficiaries. of their, of his probably 401 and things like that. You don't think to update your beneficiaries. And I cannot tell you how many estates I have helped, you know, in the home organization side while people are settling estates and you get to the beneficiaries sometimes, especially if you don't put a trust and you put a specific person, maybe if you put a grandchild, but there have been more grandchildren. Or you put a child and there have been more children. Like, you need to continually go through and update your beneficiaries for all of those policies that you have. And then, oh my gosh, yours has just been done. So you actually have the actual accountant and the actual insurance agent. Like, because we change those things over time. That's why you don't have to redo it every year. But you do need to look at it because, like, I've just switched accountants. So you need to know who the current accountant is who is doing our taxes, not the person who has done them in the past.

Exactly. Exactly. And I think what you said is true. Like a lot of the information, my mom's always been super organized with paper. Like I always remember growing up in a household where we had filing cabinets and we could easily find everything. And there's like a file for the car, there's a file for this. But when we looked at the binder, I mean, she's been doing more and more on the computer. So when we looked at the binders, we realized like my sister and I would not be able to get to the information. We wouldn't be able to. So, um, so that's why it was really important for my mom to get it all into the binder, because she could get to it, but we wouldn't have been able to. So, um, and she's settled estates before, so she's like, this is great. She's like, you guys, she wants to do that for us because she's like, I don't want you guys to have to go through what I went through. And I think that's, that's the place you come from with the binder as well.

Well, and when you're doing it for yourself, I mean, it's not a walk in the park. Like, having to do your homework is not Fantastic. But it doesn't take you as long to do your binder as it would for your children to do your binder when they can't ask you any questions. Like, imagine trying to do this homework assignment with no teacher. Like, it's, it's just like 10 times as hard, plus you have the emotional on top of it. Like, it's just exponentially hard. And so if you could just sit down and buckle through and get it done, then yeah, it and then keep it updated annually, like, it takes such a huge weight off of the next generation. I mean, a huge weight. Currently, like, right now, I'm sure that you have a lot less weight on you.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Having— knowing that they all have that, and from the medical standpoint too, because, you know, I haven't lived with my parents in over 20 years, and we're all very private people, especially when it comes to, like, things going on with us. So, like I said, I didn't know what prescriptions my dad was taking. And, you know, he wouldn't know some of the medical things that have gone on with me. So I think that being able to advocate for them and being able to talk to doctors, especially for me, because I'm in another state, so everything would be happening over the phone unless I, like, had to fly there for some reason. And being able to help advocate for your parents from that perspective, you really do need to know. what's going on or what other preexisting conditions they might have and things like that. So it has been helpful to know that I have all that and even just knowing how to get in contact with doctors.

So do you have a copy of these binders yourself, both of them, the financial and the medical for all these people? Wow.

Me and my sister both. And my sister has— so I have 2 little kids at home. I have a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old. My sister's daughter is 19. So I default to my sister. Like, if you— if anything happens, she's the first in line to help. So I'm usually just on the phone like, don't forget about this. So I'm the one opening up the binder and being like, oh, his doctor's name is this. Or, um, and she, she has proximity to my parents too. So I feel like the binders, um, and having all of this information, it helps me help her. Like, what can I do to help, um, from afar? Because I know that I need to be there to support her because she has proximity, and she knows that she has to carry her heavy weight because she doesn't have the little kids. So that's how we're able to tag team it a little bit. So I felt like the binders were kind of my contribution.

Okay, so logistically, when I'm thinking about the binders, like, my financial binder has like so much stuff in it. So do you just have copies of like the fill-in sheets and not the actual Everything else that's in the binder.

So, right. So my sister just scanned in the pages. Okay.

So the ones that were filled in.

And she scanned them in so I can just— it's one doc. I just open it up. I can find what I need because I, I know my binder really well, so I know how to find the things quickly. So yeah, so it's just a little resource for, for her and I to use.

The medical binder specifically. So the medical binder is a great place to But because, you know, you're met— everybody's medical story, financial story, financial binders. I could open up any financial binder and I will find exactly what I want. They're going to be very, very similar. You may have a different insurance provider, but you probably have similar insurance policies, similar 401 policies. You know, Social Security numbers are Social Security numbers. Everything related to cars related to a car. When you get into medical, like, it's like— It's a different world. 3 million trillion choices of how you create your medical binder. As we're talking, I'm thinking about, you know, we all have family members who did and did not get vaccinated during COVID It's a fact. This is just a fact, people.

True.

And I believe going forward in our medical society, they will always say, did you or didn't you get the COVID vaccine? And then if you did not— if you did get the COVID vaccine, they're going to say which ones, which lot, by which maker. Because they're going to find out in the future each of these did different things because it's something different in your body. Our, our immediate family all got it, and we all got different lots at different times. And so knowing those, you don't have to carry that little COVID card around anymore, but you do need to know that information. I— you're going to want to keep that little card. You're going to want to know what things you got going forward as more research is done. So that little card needs to be in your binder. And if you have family members that did not get vaccinated, you're going to need to know that as well, because some people's family members lied one way or the other. Like, they either said they did and they didn't, or they said they didn't and they did. We need to know if they actually did or didn't. We need to know which shot they got and, and when and why. So that kind of information. I will say my family members are not as good as yours, Virginia, and I've given them binders and they're not doing the work. And you can't make people do the work. So, if you don't have family members that are as compliant as apparently all of Virginia's, take heart. That's normal, I think. But even if they will do the binders and not give you a copy, it's going to help you.

Exactly.

Because I know, like, sometimes, especially like you have a sister. So, if your parents were gone, you would go to your sister probably before you go to your children to help for your medical. Like, we tend to go to our And so, for your sibling to be able to advocate for you is great. And maybe sometimes your sibling will have the binder instead of your children, and that's totally fine. But if you don't want your children to know things, eventually they're going to just— eventually they're going to know. They're going to have to know eventually.

Eventually.

But just make it easier for them when they do have to know. It's— I mean, this is such a complicated issue because it involves humans. And it involves parent-child relationships. And sometimes parents understand that their children are adults, and sometimes parents never make that switch in their brain. And sometimes children don't understand that their parents are separate humans than them, and that they have needs that are in addition. Like, you may be 60, but your parent is still not the person that's going to bail you out. You're supposed to be helping them. They're supposed to be retired.

Right.

Sometimes Your parents are in their 80s and they're still literally funding everyday expenses of their 40, 50, 60-year-old children. Like, every, every family has different dynamics. And when it comes to the medical and financial binder, it's, is this information externalized in an easily accessible place for the best decisions possible?

No, exactly. And that's why I really, I made it about me. I was like, I did this for me. Look what I did for me. Do you have anything like this? Oh, you don't? Okay, well, maybe you should. Like, do you want to? Are you interested? Like, but I made it about me and I felt like that helped a lot. And I was actually surprised that they were so on board.

Yeah.

But I think— but I mean, to preface this, they're all over 70. So, like, they're all— I think they're all feeling it, and I think that they are feeling like they want to make this as easy as possible. And there's been a lot of major medical issues that have come up over the past year. So, and even if you're not the person that it's happening to, seeing it happen when you're in your 70s, I think feels heavy. It feels like it could have just— it could have been me. It could be me. So what can I do now? And I think that's the biggest thing. One of the questions that you prefaced before this podcast was, who did you go to for support when you were going through an unexpected life event, such as like the past, you know, few podcasts? And I think that for me, the number one person that you can go to for support is like your past self if you've been doing things to help your future self. So—

Oh, wow. That's good.

So the number one person that's supporting you, and you think to yourself, how can I support myself through these unexpected events? So that was something— my mom's a psychologist, so we love talking about this stuff. And so really using your past self to support yourself through unexpected events, whether you're the the child or the parent in that situation. So what are things— so I call, like, I feel like we're all living on a chaos spectrum, right? Like there is a spectrum to chaos in everyday life. And so the opposite of chaos is control and order, calm. And then there's chaos, right?

Mm-hmm.

And I see it all the time. I live in a very busy neighborhood and I feel like if you look at chaos on a spectrum, let's say it goes from 0 to 10 and 10 is absolute chaos. 1 through 5, it means that calm and order are what's basically driving you. 5 through 10 means chaos is what's driving you. Most people are probably above a 5.

Oh, for sure.

I see them, like, rushing around, driving like they're angry. And I'm like, I think a lot of people are living in the 5 through 10 on the chaos spectrum. And my husband's like, what's the chaos spectrum? I'm like, oh, just made it up.

Don't worry about it. We're gonna create it over in this whole little psychology department we're creating. With Organized 365. You'll hear about it. You'll hear about it.

I think if you're living at a 5 to a 10 and these unexpected events come up, you're drowning, right? Like, cuz you're already like here.

Yes.

So when the water comes up a little bit, so I think learning to live below a 5 on the, the, the calm to chaos spectrum is what really helps us get through these periods of time. And so to me, the financial and the medical binder, they are essential. Essential.

Yes.

It's just, you have to do it. Like going to the dentist, you just have to do it. I know you don't have time for it. I know you don't want to do it.

Right.

You just have to do it. You just get those. So that's kind of how I've approached it. It's just, you have to do it. And then from there on out, then you just have to ask yourself, like, where are, where am I on a day-to-day basis on the chaos spectrum? And like, what's driving you on a day-to-day basis?

Chaos?

Is it calm and order? And that's where, like, from a support perspective for you, for the, for the people you're supporting, um, what can you do to get lower on that chaos spectrum so you're ready? You know how they always say live life like you're dying? Like, live like it's your last day. Like, what if you lived life like it was your last day not experiencing an unexpected event? Like, what would you do for yourself?

Yeah.

Straighten up your kitchen? Would you meal plan? Would you pack yourself an extra snack? Like, so I feel like I, I kind of live life like that now because with having young kids and aging parents, I'm like, tomorrow could be chaotic. So I'm always—

So I, I love that because I definitely used to live in chaos. I think that being in active parenting just puts you at a 7. At 7:00 AM. Like, you just started at 7:00. Um, and when you get behind the 8-ball, it is a Herculean effort to go back down into the 0 to 5. Like, it, it's not gonna happen on its own. Like, it is a conscious drawing a line in the sand. I'm not gonna live this way anymore. I am going to figure out how to get down into living into calm. Um, some people do it by just getting rid of everything they own, and then they do it much faster. I didn't wanna do it that way, so it took me a whole year. So that's the book, Organization Is a Learnable Skill. How I did that, like the year I turned 40, I was like, I've been doing this for 7 years. I can't live this way any longer. I just can't because I'm going to live to be 100. I can't live 60 more years. This makes no sense. But there are so few people that you can see that are actually living in a really productive and orderly, calm way without the chaos. There's just so few. That you can model yourself after. Ironically, Madam Secretary was the show I watched which helped me with that, because like literally nuclear war is about to happen and she's like at the arcade with the kids going like, okay. I mean, she'd done what she had done and now she's just hoping that it holds. And I'm like, yes, I know that sounds crazy, but I'm like, yes, you do everything that you can do and then you go about your everyday life and like. She never just blows up and yells at people. She doesn't lose her cool. She like is calm and collected, and she has real-life experiences where she's like, the washing machine is broken and I'm wearing the sad underwear. And we all know exactly what the sad underwear is as she's talking with her husband, or she's like going to what used to be Bed Bath& Beyond and buying the entire store because her daughter's going off to college. But then she gets called away to a work meeting. Like, I just loved watching that show. And watching that show was the example for me of what a powerful, controlled, organized woman who also is a loving wife and mother might look like, even though it's a silly TV show. And that's why I watched it over and over and over again, because in my family of origin, you got attention for being sarcastic, for being drama, for being— you know what I mean? Like, that's what I was seeing.

Mm-hmm.

Or, you know, if you look on Facebook, it's all drama. I had to leave Facebook entirely. If you— Like, everything in my life was supporting living in a frenzied, chaotic, oh, I'm behind, I can never make it happen life. And now I'm literally supporting my grandchild at home, running a company, getting a PhD, and traveling with my husband. And yeah, sometimes I'm awake at 3 hours. 3 hours last night, Virginia, I organized my calendar and continued to redo my calendar over and over and over again. To make sense of the next 6 weeks because stats took me 19 hours last week, which was not in my plan. But that is not the norm. And so when my life starts to get chaotic, I'm like, okay, what is the thing here? And I even thought like, do I take less classes so that this is not as chaotic with the business and with the family? And what I determined was when I have to take my second stats class, I will not take another class with that. But other than that, the pace I was on with my PhD is fine, and I'm able to maintain that order because of the Sunday basket, the Friday work box, and the planning days, and everything else I do in order to maintain that order. It doesn't happen by accident. Like, you don't just end up in calm and then you just like stay there. Like, it is a proactive anticipation and planning purposefully that keeps you there.

It is so true, and that planning And there's nothing. Okay. So like, to go back to what you said, 100%. So you reordering your calendar, that's how you're getting yourself back into order and calm. That's how you're notching down the chaos spectrum. You're like, okay, I'm at a 7. I need to get back down to a 4 or 5.

Yes.

Even if I have to sit on my calendar, that's time well spent.

Yes.

And I think that that is what I have learned the most from Organized 365 Planning Days. Like, get out your goal planner if you're doing your work, get out your planning day workbook. Take a pen and really intentionally plan. Give yourself some slack. So when somebody starts pulling on that leash, you have slack. You're like, it doesn't even hurt. I'm okay. And I think learning that has been the most helpful thing. And, and at when things were the most chaotic for me this year, it was the plan. It was the home planning day. It was the home planning day that really helped me stay where I needed to be. to support myself so I could support other people, because the, the most important person to support you is yourself, because you can do so much for yourself in those moments. And I think that the planning day, like the one thing you said during the Routine Reset Blitz— so we're not— I mean, the Routine Reset Blitz was the free thing that we started this year, and you said about how your, your daily routines are little pockets of time for yourself. So because I'm in active parenting and I have a 3 and a 6-year-old, and 3-year-olds are just in a blind rage for no reason. Like, you know, you let 'em sleep in, you make 'em a fresh breakfast, and they're just in a blind rage for no reason. So when I'm most chaotic, you said your, your routines are about you. So when you talked in the routine Reset bliss. You're like, I'm not talking about the other people in your house. I'm not talking about your family. These are your times throughout the day. And I think just knowing that I have those and that they're well established helps me in those chaotic moments when you have things going on with your parents, you have things going on with your kids, you have things going on at work. You're supposed to be here, you're supposed to be there. I know that I have like my evening routine and it's gonna come. The evening's gonna come. It's gonna be there. So it's those little things that you do to support yourself and like planning day going into summer, right? Because we knew there were gonna be these weird weeks like this week where we don't even know what day it is right now. And the 4th of July went on for 4 days. And, and, and we knew there were gonna be empty chairs in the office and people were coming for. So like really looking at like, what is, what are we capable of? What can we do to keep I always say, keep it moving, keep it moving. So my husband says it now. He's like, look, look, I'm keeping things moving. Because I'm like, we gotta keep it moving. We gotta keep it moving. Okay. Dishes need to go into the dishwasher. Like, keep it moving at work, keep it moving at home. And it's the planning days. It's completely the planning days that help you during those unexpected events that are expected, but you just don't know when they're gonna hit.

I love how you say keep it moving, because if you think back to the podcast that you just listened to in the series, In every single instance, you could have just stopped. But when you freeze, you actually make it worse. And if you keep it moving, then resolution comes from the movement. And as I was ordering my calendar in the middle of the night, I then come into the office and I physically move slash pockets in my Sunday basket or in my Friday work box. And so a lot of times people will say, why, why do the binders have to be physical? Why do the slash pockets inside of the WorkBox and the Sunday Basket have to be physical? I'm a digital person. Well, first of all, with the binders we can find out that, like your mom said, if it's in her head, that does not help us at all. Like, the physical binder is not for you. It is for whoever needs to advocate for you. But the Sunday Basket and the WorkBoxes are for you, and even if those slash pockets are all done digitally, like I have some slash pockets that are totally empty, and they're labeled, but they're all done digitally. It is the physical representation of the work. And so when I realize that I'm at max capacity and there is no more time, then I physically look at all the slash pockets that are in my active work box, and that's when I say, this is not all going to get done. So what is not going to get done? And then I physically move it into my non-active work box, as in like, this project has come off of the playing field and it is going on the sidelines until the next time we have planning day. And because I have to physically do it, I then send a message out to the team, and I say, this project has moved to the sidelines so that we can all get these across the finish line. And so the physical work box mentally helps you not keep it in your head. It's, it's on the, on the desk. And then when you actually physically move it out, the box has less in it, and you feel lighter. But it also reminds you to tell everyone around you, hey, I'm removing this from all of us so we can all focus on this and get this done. And at home, same thing. Like, okay, I thought I was going to do whatever at home. That project is going to need to move to next planning day. It's going to need to move to when we have money for that again. It's going to need to move until we can hire that person. And you take it not only mentally off your plate, but physically off your plate. And it is an unbelievable weight that is lifted.

It's huge, and I think that that was actually one thing that I put in my notes, is that when it comes to my planning days, I'm very digital. But when it comes to my planning days, when it comes to my binders, the Sunday basket, all those things— here's the thing I'm starting to realize about my phone. This is just gonna be like a little bit of truth serum for, for all of us. We think that we're more productive and proactive because of our technology, but I would tell you that for every 1 minute my phone saves me. It sucks 2 or 3 because I get on there to check things that I save in my phone. And then guess what I end up doing?

Mm-hmm.

Scroll. I call it scrolling and trolling. I start scrolling and it's come to the point where I even have to— I used to just do workouts like on Insta, like, you know, you find a workout on Instagram and you, you do it. I can't even do it anymore because I would waste 15 minutes that I should have been doing my workout Like, just scrolling through Instagram. So now I print them out and put them in my gym room. And so I think— and the other thing is sometimes we think our phone is gonna remind us of things, so we're just, we're relying too much on it. And then it's actually putting— it's kicking us right back into reactivity.

Yes.

And it's kicking our butts in terms of the amount of time that we're wasting throughout the day because We're numbing. We're picking up our phones because we— oh, I just need to check this thing real quick before I do the dishes. And then we don't do the dishes, and then we're just numbing ourselves to it. And I think so. I think the more you can plan and just sit down and do some— just like do some things analog. I just taught my 6-year-old what the word analog means, and he loves it.

He likes analog.

I have an old Polaroid camera, and I got it out this weekend to take pictures, and I'm like, this is called analog.

And Lisa is analog.

But honestly, like, I think our phones take as much time from us as they give us. So it really is a give-take, and it can kick you right back into reactive mode. So I really— and that's where even like the planner, like having a physical planner, if that just becomes too much hobby work for you and you're not actually looking at the 3 months Because that's the thing. Like, one of the things we do in planning day is you look at what you have going on for the next 4 months, like big birthdays. I have a 10-year anniversary coming up. I have like all these things, and you just think that they're in your phone. But the next thing you know, you're like, oh, it's tomorrow. Like, there's no time to do the thing.

Yeah.

So really getting into the practice of just Like the medical binder and the financial binder. Remember I said it was cathartic because they never like sat down and done that big picture view. They have all these little things in all these little places, but to pull it all together, whether it's your plan for the next 3 months or whether it's your medical history or the things that you haven't done for your finances, like your beneficiaries, it's really a— I think it's important, like you said, to physically see it and feel it.

Yeah. I did have one question about the medical binder. So in the medical binder, you do your family health history, and then you also do like everything else. I don't know if this happened for you, but I would think as families do this, you're going to start to see like when you are 18 and you move out, or 22 and you go to your first doctor and you ask your parents their medical health history, they're probably in their like 40s and 50s. And they tell you their health history and your health history, and you fill out that form. Well, now, if you're like me and you're 51, and now your parents are older, like, there's more life that your parents have lived. So there's more medical family health history than there was when you started out. And so there can be medical health history that they have now found in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s that would inform possibly your own medical care.

Absolutely. I definitely found that to be true. And I made some changes in my own life based on what they have going on in theirs.

Interesting. Okay. So I, we didn't talk about that in advance anyway. And it is like, how do you have that conversation? Like, how do you have that conversation? So Virginia, I think you've given us some great ideas of how we can approach our parents. And I still go back to my, I'm going to keep working on this. I really think you should get your AARP card and your medical and financial binder. Like, hi, here's your discount and here's your homework. Like, let's go. Let's go.

I agree. I completely agree. And I, I hope— I mean, I have to say my family is very hardheaded, but they are hard workers. So, um, they were willing to get the homework done once they saw it as like, okay, this is something I'm doing for my, my children. Like, this is something I can do to lessen the burden. Um, but I feel like if, if my parents did it, if I can get it done, anybody can.

But maybe that's not Did they also eliminate like file cabinets of papers and things along that line, or have you not heard about that yet?

My dad did. I mean, filing cabinets are like my mom's hobby work. So like, she'll just put probably blank paper in them. Like, she just wants them. She just loves them.

Well, at least you know that the important information that you need urgently is not in those, and then you can go through those slow, slower later. I have told people in the past where they're File cabinet is actually hobby work. I remember I was in a live presentation at Springer, and the coordinator brought her husband with her because she was ready for me to tell him to get rid of his file cabinets. And he explained what was in them. I was like, he gets to keep them. She's like, no. And I said, yes, but, but he has to put a note on the top that says, this is my hobby work, and when I am gone, it is all— you don't need to go through it at all. And he's like, I will do that. And she was like, Fine, but I really wanted to get rid of the file cabinet. So your mom, similar, like, check this drawer, all these drawers, no big deal, just my hobby work.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. I think you said that at one of the— I think we had a dad that was like that at one of the homeschool conventions too. Yeah, he was like, I love my filing cabinet. You're like, fill it with like hobby stuff.

Yeah, it's totally fine. But the important stuff in order to take care of your healthcare and in order to settle your estate Please do not create a scavenger hunt for us. We don't need it.

Agreed.

Don't need it.

Exactly.

Thanks, Virginia.

Thank you.