Trying to Empty Nest, New Grandbaby, Wedding & Adult Child Medical Emergency - Monique Part 1

Well, Monique, welcome back to the podcast. You've been on so many episodes, I don't even know what episodes to, uh, reference. You could just go to the website, type in the name Monique, and you'll go see like a plethora of podcast episodes. I love having you on the podcast, one, because I just love talking to you, but two, because you are so open and honest in sharing, and you and your husband have such a heart for Sharing your story for the benefit of others, and so your family, your husband, yourself are so open about sharing all of the good and the bad that happens so that others can learn from it. And we already know this is going to be two episodes, so we're just there's so much to share. We're just going to break it into two. So thank you so much for coming back.

You're welcome. Thank you for having me.

So as we mentioned before, you have six children. Three are biological and three are adopted from Ukraine. Your husband is also Ukrainian. We did a— I think we did a podcast/video about Ukraine back when that war started, which I cannot believe it's still raging. And so I want to kind of talk about 2022 and early 2023, just like the general everyday chaos of being a family of 8 and all of the expected and unexpected events that were naturally occurring in your life before we get to what happened in— was it February or March of 2023? We will cover that.

Yeah.

We'll cover that in the next podcast. So let's just talk about 2022. We're catching everyone up where we left off. This is kind of like the, um, the annual update to the Monique Reality Podcast.

Okay. We—

you had moved from— you were in the process of, or you had moved from Valparaiso to Nashville for an awesome job for your husband. Uh, your kids were starting to hashtag adulting. You were starting to feel the, um, Freedom of what you and I thought empty nesting was going to be. And we're like, yeah, that thing, apparently that just doesn't exist. But anyways, that's where you were last time we left off.

So we moved to Nashville and we moved from the house we lived in for 20 years. So first of all, that was a huge change. So somebody asked me recently, why did you move? And I literally said, the weather. It's true. My husband has arthritis in his knees, which the cold, very, very cold winters of living up near Lake Michigan in Indiana near Chicago and was really painful for him in the winter, so it was really hard, so I remember one day I said, we don't have to live here, we could move and most people don't just decide to move without a plan, it's usually because of school or a job or something is Moving that along, so we just decided to move. So he looked for a job. We moved down here, and we were super excited about doing it. And we just scheduled celebrated on the third our thirtieth wedding anniversary.

So congratulations, thirty.

And in the in the conversation, we're talking about a lot of things, and I said, "You know, are you what do you feel about moving?" Like we made a big change, and we both agreed that it was. The best change for us. It was the best change for our marriage. It was the best change for our family in different ways that kind of will play out here. Um, when you do the same thing all the time, you just do the same thing all the time. And he worked an awful lot of hours. Um, most of his working up until recently has been during the week and on the weekends in construction. He worked a lot, and I was very bitter and angry for all the time that he was spending away from everybody, you know, away from us because I was a busy mom with all of these kids. And then we decided to move. We didn't know how that would shake up our marriage. It's been the best thing for us because we actually hang out together and we do things together, which is fantastic. We have adult children. And so in 2020, One, we moved and our son and daughter found out that they were gonna have a baby and they lived in Wisconsin. And then sadly they lost that baby. And then a few months later they got pregnant again and we were so excited, but part of me was like, oh, but they live 12 hours away. I'm never gonna see them. But how, what, you know, and My son actually lost his job, and they wanted to move down here. But he's like, "Oh well, this is perfect timing. I have to find a new job anyway. So how about if I just come there?" We're like, "Yes." So that was they came down. He looked for a new job. He got a new job, and he was going to start like in a month. And like, what? You know, how are we going to get this done? Because we were going to be helping them. Move and all of the transition, and they couldn't find an apartment when they were here. So we were doing what all good parents do. We were apartment shopping and looking and, and doing all of the things that were then added into regular life. So on the weekends, what apartments could we go see? Who could go see this? Who could go see that? How are we going to get them here? He's like, well, I guess we're gonna have to sell all our stuff because it's not going to fit in our car. No, no, no, we get a truck, we get a rental. So you've got kids who don't know what moving looks like, right? Teaching, okay, this is what you do and this is how you, you know, you rent things. You just— the adulting, how to teach adult children to be adults, isn't something that I really thought about before. Like, what does that look like? It's very, very easy to manage.

Easy.

Children. Adults is a whole different ballgame.

Yeah.

Because we know what we know after— I'm 54 years old, so I've had a lot of years that I have learned things. But assuming that our kids, because they're adults, should know things that they've actually never had to do on their own brings out the teaching all over again.

Yeah.

It's teaching different things, which is interesting on doing that. So we, we went up for Thanksgiving in Michigan, and then some people ended up in Wisconsin, and 2 cars driving back to Tennessee, and 2, you know, so moving them was super fun. I'm so excited that they live within 30 minutes from us, so we get to see our first grandbaby. And then teaching and mentoring adult children how to be parents and, and what to do. And some of you have heard that we have biological children and adopted children, and I have a couple of kids that are considered special needs and need more help figuring things out and making decisions and understanding the why behind things. And he is one of them. And so teaching adulting skills when there's a different processing ability can be really difficult.

Mm-hmm.

But we're looking at this as a life, a life skills we can teach, but a lifetime of mentoring adult children in being adults that for us, not all of our kids are moving out and going on their own. And can do that. So we have a couple of kids who don't have the same abilities, and that's fine. But when I came to grips with what that looked like for me, realizing that, oh, this isn't going to be the same for everybody, I don't have the everybody moves out and we're on our own, you know.

Yes.

Thing, which is different because it's not what I expected, and I didn't know that it would be like this. So that's probably an unexpected reality of some of my kids who are going to be adults who will always need some extra help. And that takes a definite specific mindset shift for me to know, okay, this is okay and this is what it's gonna look like. So we need to readjust our expectations.

Yeah, you know, when you have kids that are not meeting the school standard For the grade level, they are determined to be behind and to need additional support.

Right.

And sometimes that resolves itself through schooling. My observation has been the pace of schooling and the expectation placed on what schooling will do, it, it's really hard to catch up. Like, Once you start to fall behind, it's really hard to catch up. Even if you do the summer schools and the tutors and everything, it's, it's really hard to catch up, especially if you have multiple diagnoses, like multiple things, like you're dealing with this and this and this, and then you try to catch up because your peers are not standing still while you try to catch up. The only, the only time that I've ever seen it successful, and it was part of a program that I did, which I think is great, is when you catch the disability in preschool or kindergarten, then you can—

You can pace it.

Catch up. Yeah. If you can catch up by first grade, you can catch up. But most children do not. Greg and I often will have conversations and I will say, look, you cannot do age-to-age comparisons right now. Dr. Barkley, who is a renowned expert in ADHD, says that if you have an ADHD diagnosis and I can't remember the exact fraction, but your chronological age is a fraction of your actual functional age. He really makes the advocacy that students with ADHD should not drive at the age of 16. They should not drive until they're at least 18 or older. The fraction is significant. I don't remember what it was, but the equivalent of a 24-year-old is going to be more typical of an 18-year-old. I'm always running those calculations in my brain. Now, another statistic that I heard that has since been debunked, which makes sense to me, which I don't understand why it was ever researched, was that your brain stops maturing at the age of 25. And that has no longer— that does not hold water. Like, that hypothesis has been disputed or whatever. Like, you're always evolving and changing. Like, you never stop growing and learning, and your brain never stops evolving until, you know, you pass away. But there is a There is— if there's a delay in childhood, there will be a delay in adulthood. And so I always said to myself that I'm parenting until my kids are 30. Like, I'm in active parenting until 30. Now, the, the interesting part of that is your children are legal adults. So in the eyes of the law, at 18, 19, 21, 25, certain things kick in that— and also, like, you know, you can't just get your kids doctors stuff after they're 18. Like, doctors won't give it to you unless you get power of healthcare. And like, there's, there's certain adulting things that happen that make it harder for you to be a proactive and collaborative parent, but, but you can work around that. So I think that that's really important to say because, you know, back when I read the book Healing the 4 A's: Allergies, Asthma, ADHD, and Autism by Dr. Bach, He wrote it in 1999, and he said 1 out of every 3 American children had one of those diagnoses, and I know the number is higher. So it's not too far-fetched to say 1 out of every 2 parents you know is dealing with an adult child who needs additional support, and you may be that parent, and you feel alone when your child has additional needs under the age of 18. By the time they're over the age of 18, like You're like on an island because nobody talks about that. And it is your children. You don't want to talk about children who are adults. Like, it's their story. Like, you have talked to your children and they've said you could share these things. Like, it's no longer your parenting story. It's their life we're talking about here. And so it really is this delicate balance of parenting adult children.

Yeah.

And also, can we talk a minute about being a grandma?

Isn't it the best?

Yes. Oh my gosh, isn't it such the best? And it's totally not what I thought it would be, um, and it's not what I pictured a grandma would be, um, but oh my gosh, isn't it the best, Moni?

So I have to say, yesterday my grandson Gabe is 4 months old, and I walked into the house yesterday and he was being held face out. So when I saw him face out walking, you know, I, I started talking to him. He was just looking, and then his legs started kicking, kicking, kicking, and then he got this huge smile on his face. And it was like the first time—

Oh.

It was like, he knows who I am. Like, I see him every week. He doesn't live with us, but I see him every week. And when I started talking, just to see him get all excited was so, so fun. So I get to snuggle him up every week, a couple days every week, and Love on him, and sometimes he gets to spend the night, so that's always really fun. But, um, just seeing this little person and realize the positive impact that we can have into their lives is— feels very different than your own children. It's like, oh, I get to now teach another person and all the things that I wish I would have done differently with my kids.

Yes.

I am going to be able to do things in a different way and hopefully create a different impact. So, I was like, wow, it is so cool.

It is so cool. Craig is like, he loves you. Like, Grayson loves you. I am like, why wouldn't you love Grandma? I mean, like, every time he sees me and he does live with me. So, it is every day. Like, I come in, I go to the bathroom, I hide myself and go to the bathroom, and then I come in and I literally sit on the floor and I play for 90 minutes. I mean, why wouldn't you love that person who is going to play with you? Third time. Like, yes, yes. So, it is so fun. Yet at the same time, like, I imagined when I was a mom, neither of our parents really came and took our kids and supported in the way that we're supporting Abby. And I always wanted that, of course, because I mean, like, why wouldn't you want a free babysitter?

Like, my grandparents didn't, they didn't live by us. Yeah.

So, where was that? But I, I think, like, as I am doing this with Grayson, I just said to Greg the other day, because his mother comes over every Sunday also, so he gets to see his great-grandmother every single week as well. I said, can you imagine being raised with your grandparents? Like, how amazing that would be, like, to be raised with your grandparents. But I always thought, you know, like, my parents should be able to help me. Greg's parents should be able to help me because, I mean, Surely they have all this time on their hands because they don't have children. And now that I'm an adult, I'm like, no, thank you very much. I can fill my time just fine with my own, with my own, like, business and all these things I want to do. But I, I choose to spend a ton of time with Grayson because I want to. Um, and I think that you're never going to have just unaccounted for time. You're always going to use time however you want to use time. And so it is extremely— Purposeful, even though we're living in the same house. Like, it's extremely purposeful how much time I'm spending with Grayson. So, it's not necessarily even always proximity. You, if you want to do something, you have to plan it and make the time for it. It's not just going to naturally happen. Even if you live in the same house.

And not spend time with him. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's the quality versus quantity. It's like how, like Greg probably spends more hours with Grayson, but he's not on the floor playing And so Grayson, like, play is a child's work. Like, that's how they connect with you. So if you're not playing, then you're just kind of there, you know? And so there's just so many— I'm sure future podcasts will be coming out of these analogies I'm drawing.

Well, my husband said, he's like, I cannot wait till he's like 2. We're going to go to Home Depot. We're going to Home Depot. I'm like, great. You just go to Home Depot and you teach them all about construction.

Yeah, Greg, same thing. Can't wait till he's 2. His new thing is like, when he's 5, we're going fishing. When he's 5, we're going fishing.

Oh, we can go fishing at 3, Greg. Just move it up. There's little fishing poles about this big. They're so cute.

Okay, so one unexpected thing in the last 18 months has been your son has moved down closer to you again. Yay! And the grandbaby is here. So that, that's all great. Okay, what else happened?

My daughter got married in May. So that was super fun. She is living in Indiana where we used to live. So how do you do a wedding when you're not living in the area? So it was a little bit different than I had thought about what planning a wedding would be like with my daughters, because I figured we would just go do all these things together, and some things we did do together. But it was when she would make appointments and we would talk on the phone or had some calls with other people, and then we specifically had to go, it was a 7-hour drive, but go and purposefully make a weekend of meeting with the caterer and, you know, and seeing the venue choices and doing things like that. And she's, my daughter Elise is pretty organized, so she was able to, you know, get some of those things planned ahead of time.

Mm-hmm.

But what does that look like? When our son got married, that was one thing. We planned that wedding in a weekend. I had them come down from Wisconsin. We still live in Indiana, and we met with the pastor and the florist and the restaurant and went and bought the dress all in 2 days. So that was a quick planning of— you can plan a wedding in a weekend, just in case anybody's curious.

It can be done. I couldn't believe it when you did that. I was like, you're doing what? You're what? And he's married. I'm like, all right then.

And that, that worked great for them. They wanted a very, very small wedding. We had 36 people there and they were ecstatic and it was great. Elisa's wedding, um, was a little bit different. So we had moved between, between the weddings. We had moved. So having intentional trips to do that. And I decided that, um, the week of the wedding I was gonna go originally on a Wednesday, a few days before. And then I said, you know, I want to spend the whole week with her because it was the only time I would get to spend with her before she got married. So I went on Monday of that week so that we could have the week together to get her moved and, you know, facials and massages and out to lunch and breakfast and all the things that I would have loved to do had I been there. So I was really intentional in Carving out time for her that was not just the 2 days before the wedding of all the crazy stuff that had to get done at the end, but really wanted to spend some time with her by herself before the rest of the family showed up. And so that was— wasn't what I had expected to do, but I'm so glad I thought ahead.

Yeah.

It got closer, I was like, I'm not gonna spend any time with her. I really wanna be with her. Because when we lived there, she would show up. She'd been living on her own for 4 years, but she would probably show up every week, every other week, or call what's for dinner. She lived across town, so we did see her a lot. So that's probably one of the biggest things that we miss is this spontaneous dropping in of our daughter who, you know, moved out from living in the same community. And then we were the ones that moved away from everybody else. So, so the wedding was, it was beautiful. It was fantastic. It was perfect day, perfect weather. It's been neat to see Elise and her husband Brayden transition to married life. They got a house at a sheriff's sale and gutted it and redid that. And it's beautiful.

Wow.

And they did a great job. And just to see them take off On their own. So that was exciting. Just the kids are starting to— the kids are our kids, adult children. They're between 22 and 28. So when I talk about my kids, they are all adults. So there's a part of me that watches them adulting and the other part, they still call and say, hey, Mom, what about this? Hey, Mom, what about that? Which is great. Because I still call my parents and ask them questions. So, right, any of that ever. And one of my kids said once, well, I only call, you know, call you if I need something. Like, okay, that's fine. You can only call if you need something. And other ones call because they just are chatty. So personalities with the kids on who they are, you know, makes those relationships. Yeah, going forward.

So, so this is, I mean, a baby and a wedding. I mean, that, that's a lot in a year. Now, of course, you also had a job with me, like you worked for Organized 365 the whole time.

Yep.

And weddings are expensive, so I hear. Other things are expensive.

They can be.

So you and Zaner were just working your jobs and also fitting all this in on the weekends, right?

Yes. Well, I started picking up weekend or out-of-town weekend organizing jobs to help pay for the wedding. So I would work during the week and then I would leave Friday about 5 and either fly out or drive somewhere where someone hired my assistant and I for weekend organizing jobs. So that was, you know, additional time on the weekend away.

Mm-hmm.

But we needed that in order to pull this off.

Right.

So looking at what can we do and then what else can I do outside of the scope of my work that I knew we needed, I just wasn't sure how it was going to get done. So I started doing that. I started picking up some coaching clients for productivity and organizing virtual coaching.

Mm-hmm.

After work in the evenings to get some money there and get some hours in and really kind of just get scrappy. We had to get scrappy. Like, we were okay for a while, but then when a baby comes and then there's extra help that's needed with their family, and then I have children who are adopted and as well as biological, and sometimes our kids need extra counseling and extra therapy and support like that. And of course we're like, okay, we'll help with that. And you're just looking at the monthly budget going, okay, there's another big chunk of money that is coming out of our budget because in those instances we're like, we, we will do that for you because we know that's important. So how do we do this? How do we do that? So we've just had to get like scrappy in our old age. It seems funny to say that, but When the unexpected things come and it hits you, whether it's your time or your money, and it's important to invest, still continue to invest in my children, how are we going to do that? And so we really had to think about what that looked like.

Like, I'm adding up the hours and they don't add up, Monique. Like, I'm trying to figure out how you did all this in like 12 months, and I cannot figure out how you did all this in 12 months.

Well, funny that you asked that question, and I've told you this before, and you've said this before. How do you do this?

I do. I do.

I use my shopping basket. I use my money.

I'm like, how do you do this? How are you doing this?

I just— well, and I just, I just do. And part of it is, it's the same question, um, that was asked to me when we adopted our children. How do you do this? And my standard answer has always been, I get up and get dressed. Like, I don't sit and wallow about how I'm going to get it done. I don't sit and boohoo about it because that doesn't accomplish anything. Doesn't mean that internal— I'm not internalizing frustration or things, but I literally just have to get up and figure out what has to be done. What is a priority that I have to do first and how is that gonna, gonna work? And then when I have to do stuff in the evening, I'll tell my husband ahead of time, when you come home today, I'll be on a call. You know, when you walk in the door, so you know I'm on a call or I'm, you know, in the evenings, so he doesn't come in and want to know, why are you still working? Why are you still working? But I have to qualify what that work is. My day job is done, but now I'm doing other things to help us in ways that we need. So really communicating that to him was really important because he would, if I didn't at the beginning, and then he would come in assuming that I was continuing what I was doing before, and that we had to kind of like say, no, this is the new one, but it'll be okay, don't worry.

And I think— I mean, I'm not saying men don't do this, but I do think it's more of a female thing. Like, we're just always working, or just— yes, we're picking up the house, or we're parenting, or we're working for money, or we're working for volunteer, or we're supporting a friend that's going through a hard thing. Like, we're just always in some kind of activity that has some kind of a purpose to it. We just—

yeah, it's not like, oh no, there's another thing to add on my plate. It doesn't— it doesn't even feel like that. It's like, oh, okay, how are we gonna make that work? It's how are we gonna make it work? How are we gonna do it? Not bemoaning the fact that it's happening, right? Yeah, it's happening. Or this major event has just turned my world upside down. I don't spend time. I don't know why, but I don't spend time crying. I mean, crying about like, what am I going to do? Like, I just figure out what's the next step and who do I have to call and and who's going to do this and how are we going to get it done and just start problem solving versus worry.

Mm-hmm.

And people said, "You don't worry." I'm like, "I don't have time to worry. We need to figure out how to." how to take the next step and whatever it is.

Yeah.

And so using the tools of— this is not a commercial, but literally using the tools of the Sunny Basket and planning what has to be done this week that I know of, and what do I need to do next week for work on Fridays— planning that out allows me to know where I can put the other things in.

It's almost like we live in a constant triage situation. You know, I mean, I imagine that's what they do in emergency rooms and things is they're like, okay, this new patient, this patient has come in, we're taking care of this patient, but this new patient has come in and this new patient's issues are, are more critical than this patient. So, we're going to put this one off and we're going to deal with this one. Okay, we have this one stabilized, we're going to go back to this one. And not like we're living in, you know, a constant emergency room, but some seasons you are. And so, it's just this constant triage without forgetting that there was this patient over there in that room for like days. Like, I know you're there, But you're not as critical as this one. So this one is going to get happened and then, and then we will take care of you even though there are people involved.

And I feel like it's a game of Tetris, you know, where the little blocks come down and you're fitting the pieces in. You don't know how they're going to work and you might have to— you think something and you have to shift it or flip it. But figuring it out also for me is empowering because I'm able to look at my weeks and my work and my family and know what are the most critical things for the next 7 days. Makes it easier because I could look at everything and go, there's no way. And I can't look at everything like that. So I really look at the next 7 days, the next 7 days. That's the rhythm that I I'm choosing to live in. It sounds— because it gives me bookends on my time. It's not saying that other things aren't going to happen, but what is the most important thing for the next 7 days? And that allows me to, I think, get more done because I'm not just sitting there looking around wondering how it's all going to get done. I just choose the next most important things.

Yeah, 7 days is long enough To be like, okay, 7 days. Well, the wedding is 4 weeks away. Well, which, which 7 days am I gonna spend in a different city? But it's not too long where you're like, well, I'm trying to plan 6 months and I— there's no like, well, I'll just put it in later. I'll put it, put it later. So it's, it's, it takes you from day-to-day thinking to 7-day thinking, and that is huge.

It's manageable. Yeah, it's much more manageable to think about what do I need to do in a week versus What has to be done on the 22nd of July?

Yeah.

Like, you know something is coming and you know something is happening on that day, but it's still too far to concretely plan it. So I, for me, that is, I've just over the last couple years have used more of that 7-day thinking for the, you know, the unexpected, because then if you allow yourself a little bit of flex time when those unexpected things come in, it's not so— what's the word I want to say? Like unnerving to figure out where things are going to fall. It's easier to manage that.

So you've had 2 unexpected things. So the 2 unexpected things we already talked about were positive. You've had 2 unexpected things in the last 18 months that were negative. We're going to hit on one this podcast episode, and then we'll hit the other one next one. So this unexpected event was Zenon.

Oh, my husband. So my husband came— well, we've got 2, like, which one are we talking about?

We got so many. What are we— what are we going to talk about now?

My husband, um, had a job he really liked in construction here, and he came home one day and said— or he called me and said I was let go. I was like, what? So they had 5 project managers and 3 of them were all let go the same day and it was January 5th. So we had just come into the new year. I was like, what? What are we going to do? So we were a little stressed but not terribly. But you don't know how long this no job is going to happen. So he started putting applications out and talking to people, and by the time he got a second job, it was 3 months. That was definitely unexpected. We kept thinking, oh, you know, because he would have a lot of, you know, just interview— you just go back and forth and back and forth. My husband's 54. He's been in the construction industry for a lot of years, and looking for another job at that age with your experience and companies not wanting to hire the age and the experience. You know, let's hire younger people who we can pay half the amount of money because they're younger and very experienced, you know. So that was a really hard thing to figure out for a man who gets his value into who he is and what he does In his job and feeling the accomplishment of that as a wife, the unknown of when are we going to get the job because I'm you know doing the budget and the money. So there's always that the fear of we're going to run out picking up work because there was then only one person working that was me and we were living on two incomes and watching the The ups and downs of my husband navigating a job when we knew there was a wedding coming up, when you know the new baby was going to be born in six weeks, and then when the next unexpected event happened and we're still unemployed with him. Just a lot of unknowns, but. By the grace of God and lots of prayer and faith that it would change, it still didn't change the reality of what today looks like. So my husband is Ukrainian; he's first generation Ukrainian. And when the war came out, came exploding last year, he was bound and determined that he was going to go fight. Well, it was like no, you're not going to go do that. Because he's very passionate about his, um, his culture, his family, his country. Um, and he is also on, on the Enneagram scale, he is an 8. So he is just going to be a bull in a china house and go and just go do what he wanted to do. But that— the timing was never right for that. It never felt like there was the right time. For him to do that. But he, you know, he got all the paperwork, everything ready, and then the team he went with didn't go back because of, of the fighting. And then they decided they were going to go in, um, March. And I, I said to him, go, just go. You don't have a job now. Even if you get a job before the trip, you can say that the trip is planned. You can still go and do this. You know, don't worry about vacation time or anything. Just go do something that you're passionate about. So he—it was really exciting to see because he didn't because he didn't have a job. He was able to focus on that and give. He was all in on the trip. He was all in on the experience. He was all in and didn't have to think about oh what what if something is happening back at a job site. What, you know, do I need to be checking my email? Do I need to be making phone calls? So we figured this would be the perfect timing because he wouldn't have to be connected with home. He wouldn't have to worry about what was happening at home. He could just go and do this trip and do the ministry that he was just so excited about. So that's what we did.

And off he went. And, um, do you want to just give a quick, like, so in the Ukrainian situation. Um, do you want to share any of, of his experience over there or what he did? Or—

He went with, um, a group of people who— a friend of ours is Ukrainian. He lives up in Indiana, and he has been connected with some pastors in western Ukraine by the Carpathian Mountains. And he goes once or twice a year to meet with pastors and work with some orphans Orphanages. He and his wife came home two days before the war broke out last when it broke out. So they were on a trip over there doing their normal thing when it was a little unrestful, but not where they were specifically on the western side. They got home and then the war broke out. So then the trips that they had planned on taking that year didn't happen, and so that the next one they planned was the one that Zenon. Was on, so they went to some orphanages. So my husband took a trip from the western side of Ukraine all the way to the eastern side, and I believe it was a 25-hour car ride where it took them two days, and they made multiple stops with kind of like a cargo van or a Sprinter van, something like that, where they took lots and lots and lots of. Supplies, food, clothes. I think they even had the vests that you— what are the vests?

Bulletproof vests?

Bulletproof vests, yeah, those to people in different areas. So there is a group of people who continually raise money, and we raised money for that, and you buy supplies, and then people come from a lot of different countries and volunteer their time to drive these things into the scary areas, into where there's war zones. And interestingly enough, they, they have curfews. So at this time, there's curfews. So they could only— they couldn't drive straight there. They had to stop at a certain time, whatever town they were in, and stay there because they didn't want people driving past curfew, which was different, he said. We're, you know, there are the soldiers out and, and every town had a checkpoint. And I said, what were they checking for? And they were checking for alcohol. They didn't want alcohol to be brought to the soldiers who were fighting. So I thought that was really interesting. They were—

Hmm.

The country was really stopping that because they wanted their soldiers to be Alert and aware.

Wow.

So that was something new that we learned. But so the, um, the opportunity to go and give people who are just struggling so much with food and clothes and things, basic necessities that they needed, he said it was hard emotionally to see that, exciting to be able to be a part of something bigger, and he was able to meet his mom's cousin's son. Oh wow. While he was there, who is about our age as well, and so they got to meet for a few hours for a meal on his way back, so that was neat to meet somebody that you've heard about and is a family member, so my husband's parents have family members that live in Ukraine, and they have been supporting them financially for years and years and years, which started with his grandfather. And his grandfather's died, and his mom has continued getting basic things sent over to them. And then things have gotten harder because of, of the war. So there was, you know, some neat opportunities to see what the Lord is doing in organizations that help children, um, in bringing people from the East to the West to get out of harm's way, to taking things that people need from the West to the East because they can't get it. And then, you know, ending with the opportunity to meet, um, a family member. So amazing.

Well, thank you for sharing your story. I really wanted to record this podcast first Because it's going to make the whole series of podcasts that we're about to share make so much more sense. And I think that while you may not have all of the things that are going on in Monique's life going on simultaneously as she does, I think we can all relate to seasons in our life where, you know, we're just basically running full out, juggling all the balls we know how to juggle. And in the next podcast episode, these balls are going to come crashing to the ground. So we're going to leave this where It's March now, right? He went to Ukraine in March. Yep. Okay. Went to Ukraine in March. In the Organize 365 team, we're getting ready to have, um, 3 homeschool events and paper organizing retreats and certifications. That's where we are as a company. We've mobilized the team to start traveling for those. So you have just had a grandbaby, you are planning a wedding, you are working your day job and extra jobs. Zenon is unemployed and in Ukraine, and we will pick this up in the next episode.