5 Soft Skills That Build Confidence, Emotional Intelligence, and Leadership Skills

Right. Silence is like a wtf. It makes people uncomfortable. Hey there, and welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. A space to talk honestly and get real about mental health, therapy and all things wellness. I'm Laurie, licensed therapist, speaker, and your host, here to bring you insights, tools and information you can actually use, whether you're navigating anxiety, healing your relationship with food, or trying to figure out which techniques will work for your life. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in and let's talk about it. All right, welcome back to another episode of let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. And something that's really fun to talk about are soft skills. Because we don't often hear this term. I mean, maybe, maybe you do, depending on the industry you're in. But when we talk about being a leader, being ambitious, whether it's in your personal life or your corporate life, soft skills are important. They're people skills. It's emotional intelligence and having good soft skills and building these things can help with confidence, and it can help make you a better leader. So I really want to talk about this topic because it allows you to feel more connected with other people. It allows you to feel more competent. It reduces overwhelm, it reduces anxiety. Because again, as always, this is what I do, helping you understand anxiety so that a lot of this mental noise can lessen a little bit, right? So that life can make sense and you can do what you want to do without that mental noise. So soft skills are, like I said, they're people skills. They're the behaviors that make you effective, trustworthy, and they make you, like, easy to work with and be around. And they do tie into confidence and leadership and that emotional steadiness, because when you feel competent and respected and you have the skills to, like, connect as a human, you naturally feel good, you feel more confident, you feel more capable. And so confidence isn't this idea of, like, having it all together. It's showing up intentionally with specific practices that you can learn and practice. So if this is something that you are working on or you want to work on, pay attention, because this could definitely help. And these are things that we're always working on and we're always working to improve because nobody's perfect. And there's always room to get a little better, get a little clearer, communicate a little better. So there's five soft skills that when you work on regularly, they can help you, like I said, build your confidence both in your personal life and professional life. So this isn't going to only apply to a C suite executive or a woman in the corporate world. Like this also very much applies to personal life. So the first soft skill is clear direct communication. There's a few things here. Being concise and clear isn't rude, it's not dismissive. I tell my clients all the time, there's communication and then there's crystal clear communication. And I really think that, like most of the world's issues could probably be solved with crystal clear communication. A lot of the issues that come up in your life and at work could be solved with clear communication. But we don't want to hurt feelings. We don't know how to communicate to someone. And so things kind of like go unresolved. So if you're like a conflict avoidant person, you probably see any tough conversation as conflict. But the sooner you can address an issue and communicate clearly, the, the sooner that issue has a chance to be resolved and can go away. When we avoid, all we do is create immediate alleviation of the anxiety, but we just prolong the issue. So this is something like I've worked on and I still have issues with because it's not a, it's not fun for me. But when we communicate clearly, we're a thousand times more likely to like, get a resolution rather than talk in circles or think in circles or stay emotional or again, not address the issue at all. The other piece of clear direct communication are little things like ending a question or a statement with a high note. It makes you sound uncertain versus ending it with a lower tone. So if I say something like, well, here's what I think should happen today, it kind of sounds like I'm asking you a question and I'm really kind of uncertain. But if I say I, well, here's what I think should happen today, and I kind of lower my voice at the end of that. I sound certain. I sound like I have a plan. I sound like I am capable or confident in what I'm about to say. So the conflict avoidance, right? Addressing things, but also literally how you say things in the tone you say them can help you feel more confident when you're addressing something, and it can also help you sound more confident to other people. It's cool things like that that I really like about communication and these soft skills. The second one is running meetings with an agenda. And this might apply a little more to like work life, corporate life, but you can find a way to apply it to your personal life too. A scattered meeting signals a scattered mind, right? So even in your personal life, if things are scattered, you're gonna feel not confident. You're gonna feel like things are all over the place. So again, think about this professionally, but also personally. When there's a clear intention, it does communicate. This person knows where we're going and how to get us there. I trust them. When someone has a plan, people are more likely to trust that person. So running an effective meeting, running an effective, I don't know, event or scenario isn't about control. It's about, like, containing. So you're creating a space where people can contribute, not a space where there's chaos or uncertainty. So when it comes to meetings, what you can do is before a meeting, set an agenda and say, here's the three to five topics we're going to discuss and what decisions need to be made. You keep track of time. You can address, like, tangential things and say, hey, that's really valuable and I appreciate the input, but send me an email later and we can talk about that next time, or I can follow up with you on that. Staying on topic can really help those meetings continue to run efficiently. And people appreciate that. Nobody wants to waste their time. This process, whether it's in your personal or professional life, shows people that you respect your time, like your own time and theirs. And people, again, they like that. When I was in corporate, I worked for a really big hospital for many, many years. And while a lot of things annoyed me, random meetings that could have been an email or meetings that ran into lunchtime, or ones that had no agenda, or ones where we all left more confused than when we went in were so frustrating because I was, like, doubting the leader. I was like, I could have done a better job. Why are you being paid more than me? I mean, people pick up on that stuff. So if you want to feel more confident, be more containing in again, the meetings you're running. And people will trust you. They'll like that. They'll appreciate that. And this stuff builds confidence too, because when you can facilitate a room of people, whether it's two people or 22 people or 200 people, and you can keep everyone focused, you demonstrate that, like, you can lead without getting frantic, without losing your center, and. And that, for you, feels good. So if this is something you need to apply to your professional life or your personal life, think about how you can use those soft skills and what that would look like for you. The third one is social awareness and emotional presence. I kind of put these two together because these are things like reading the room Knowing when to pause, when to speak, when to hold back, when to give someone their spotlight, their time to shine. One thing I really like that can help is a three second pause. If someone opens their mouth or they straighten up, you can tell they're about to say something. Give them the chance to say something again. Depending on kind of like what you do for work or what situation you're applying this to. But even in your personal life, we a lot of times don't like silence. It's uncomfortable. It's if I sit here, you were wondering like, where did she go, right? Silence is like a wtf. It makes people uncomfortable. But taking a few second pause while in your mind it might feel like a lot or that silence might be deafening to you, it can actually be very, very powerful. And it can provide the space that like, hey, this person is thinking about what I just said. They are giving me a chance to think. They're giving me time to land my thought, like whatever it is. So when you're speaking with someone in your personal life or professional life at work, start pausing a little more. Start utilizing silence. Having that emotional presence that you are okay with. Silence is very confidence building. It makes you seem very sure of yourself, even if internally you're like, oh my God, this is so weird. Start to practice silence. It's actually a really fun thing to practice and can be very, very good for relationships. And the fourth one that goes along with this is this art of like a calm response. How you react when something is stressful matters very, very much. We naturally look toward a leader when crisis occurs. If you panic, they're going to panic, whether it's your team at work or your kids or your friends. So it's not to say that you're responsible for everyone around you, but. But when you are thinking about this in terms of leading your team or your family or your friends, being able to address adversity in a logical versus emotional way can make or break a situation. And it can make or break how you feel about yourself. It's not about like suppressing the emotion or ignoring the fact that there's an issue here. It's nervous system regulation. Your body's stress response will want to hijack you into fight or flight. Your job is to override that tendency and learn to practice a more effective way. So how do we do that with this soft skill? How do we do that with a calm response? You notice the first impulse. How do you start to typically respond when something is going wrong? When you stub your toe, when your Computer doesn't turn on immediately. Are you swearing? Do you react like. Start to pay attention to your first impulses. Take a slow, deep breath before you respond. To you stubbing your toe or your computer not turning on or to someone talking to you. Take a slow, deep breath before responding. I always tell my clients, a response is thought out, a reaction is emotional, and usually more impulsive. Think about, how do I want to react right now versus what's actually needed in this moment. Things like slowing your voice down. If you have a tendency to talk quickly, lower your volume slightly. If you get frantic and loud saying something, whether it's to yourself or someone else, like, okay, let's walk through this. Helps you start to slow the thought process down so you're not automatically jumping to conclusions or again, becoming frantic asking things like, okay, what happened? Specifically, what happened? What are the facts? What are my emotions here? What needs to be figured out right now versus what can wait? What? All of these things help us have a more calm response. It's going to help you respond in a way that is more calm and confident versus rattled and frantic and pressured. So if you're someone who doesn't tolerate stress, well, start saying this to yourself, I'm not rattled. I got this. There's a path forward. I just need to find it. That phrase that those few short sentences will help you stop and catch yourself in the moment and help you stay regulated. Because when you can stay regulated, when things are uncertain or they're chaotic, you start to realize that you don't need external circumstances to be perfect in order for you to feel empowered or in control. Your calm can become like your anchor. You can become someone that, like, you can count on. And that's super, super important. And the last thing I really want to quickly touch on, the fifth skill is three small signals that say you care and that you are emotionally intelligent. Right? That you do pay attention to other people. 1. Be early. I was an RA in college. One of the first meetings, I went flying in at the last minute and I said to the kid next to me, I was like, whoo. I made it. The director, the RA guy, who to me at the time was old, but he was like 30 maybe. He was like, lori, early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable. And I was like, noted. Like, I was never late for another meeting. I was five minutes at least early every time. I am a very punctual person. I want to respect my time. I want to respect everybody else's time. There are absolutely times when I'M a minute late for a session or whatnot. I always apologize, but I always try to be early when possible because that is a small signal that you respect your time and other people's time. The second one is to speak a bit slower. I touched on this earlier. If you're a fast talker, this is something I'm constantly working on. We respond to energy. If I want my clients to remain calm, I have to bring the energy in session down to. To a level that's not causing more franticness. So if you are someone who is like, I'm always stressed out and da, da, da, da, slow down a little bit, start to pay attention to the cadence that you speak at and see how that feels. And the third one is to remember the small things. This is a signal that, again, you care and that you have emotional intelligence. Remembering someone's name, the fact that they just visited a family member who was sick, or their favorite coffee order, or asking them how they like their new car. People are humans. First, they are your employees. Second, if we're talking about this in terms of, like, corporate or the work world, but even when it comes to personal life and friends, people are humans. People want to feel seen. And this is a huge way to connect with other people. Something really cool is, I learned this a long time ago, many, many years ago. And this also also stuck with me. They've done studies on what people's favorite word is. Like, what lights up on brain scans for certain words, and what they have found is the favorite word of people to hear is their own name. When people hear their own name, they light up. They feel seen, they feel connected in that moment. So if you forget about everything else when it comes to someone but you can remember their name, good, awesome. Like, lean on that, because that's huge. So these soft skills, again, that are going to signal to people that you are a confident person and that are most importantly, going to teach you to feel more confident are clear, direct communication, running meetings with an agenda, that social awareness and emotional presence, having a calm response. And those three small signals that I just went through, these aren't technical. Remember, these are people skills. These are the behaviors that make you effective and trustworthy and easy to work with and be around. These are the soft skills that help you set boundaries, that help you be a solid leader, that will help you be less emotionally reactive, and that will help you build respect that others have for you and that you have for yourself. Just pick something and start practicing this week. Whether you start speaking a little slower or you really try to focus on remembering people's names. People who excel at something don't excel because they're perfect. They, they excel because they're consistent. So practicing little things like this will help you stay connected with people. It'll help you lead your team, it will help you be more present with your family or your friends. And again, most, most, most importantly, it's going to help you build your confidence, because that's what we're after. When you are calm and you are confident, you will feel unrattled. You will feel unstoppable and unshakable. And, I mean, that's a pretty sweet feeling. I really like that. So that's something I'm always practicing. Let me know your thoughts. Shoot me a message on Instagram. Let me know where you're listening from, what's resonating, and until next time, take care. Thanks for hanging out with me today on let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you'd leave a five star review, share it with a friend, or come say hi on Instagram. Auristreeter. Your support will help this podcast grow and I so appreciate you being here today. I want to help people just like you feel like they're not alone and gain the tools they need to grow. Until next time, take care.