You're Not Out of Control: How to Break the Emotional Eating Cycle in 4 Steps"

When you have other options, food stops being the only option you have.

Hey there, and welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. A space to talk honestly and get real about mental health, therapy and all things wellness. I'm Lori, licensed therapist, speaker and your host, here to bring you insights, tools and information you can actually use, whether you're navigating anxiety, healing your relationship with food, or trying to figure out which techniques will work for your life.

I'm so glad you're here.

Let's dive in and let's talk about it.

Welcome back to another episode of let's Talk about it with Lori Streeter. We're going to talk today about emotional eating and specifically what it is, what to do about it, and the fact that it's used to cope and soothe and numb. And you're allowed to do those things, but you need other options. So if you feel anxious around food, you're not out of control. A lot of times you're overwhelmed with either boredom or emotion or sadness or anger or stress or mindlessness, not having structure like you're overwhelmed with something internal. And food has become, over time, the way that you cope, the way again, that you numb or that you feel or you don't feel. So we're gonna go how I address this with clients, how to calm your nervous system, and how you can figure out the tools that are going to work for you so that you can learn to do other things when you find yourself emotionally eating. Because it is really common for people, I don't know anybody who solely eats to live. There's some kind of, I earned this, I deserve this. It's celebration. I had a bad day. A lot of emotion, feelings, stress, good and bad feelings, whatever you want to call them, are wrapped up in our habits around eating. So it's super common for people. And a lot of people that I see often feel alone because so much of this stuff does happen in secret. But I'm here to tell you it's so common, you're not alone. And there are things we can do to address it. So the reason this happens, the reason we turn to food again to cope, to soothe, to numb, to feel, to not feel, is that food. When we do this, when we engage in these behaviors, it's rarely about the food itself. Yes, sometimes we're hungry, sometimes it's time to eat, but it is about there's like internal activation going on. And we're turning to food because we've learned over time, again, the way we cope. We haven't Just figured this out overnight. These are things that we've been doing for years, sometimes decades, especially when I see adults like, these habits have been happening for a really long time. And so food has become the fastest, most accessible form of relief. It's the thing we turn to because it hits the spot, right? It fixes that thing. It, again, allows us to feel or not feel. So when people talk about eating their feelings, it doesn't mean that they don't have any willpower. It means that your body's asking for something. It needs support, something needs to be addressed. And you're turning to food because that's the way you know how to cope. So when you have a feeling and you have, like, an urge to turn to food, that's a message. That's not an emergency to eat, that's a message. Something's up, something's going on, something's activated, something needs attention, something needs support. And that's the window that we need to create, is addressing what's happening in the moment and the fact that we're about to turn to food to deal with it and creating a window to figure out, wait, what else can I turn to right now, in this moment for comfort? I want to break this into four steps that I go through with my clients. And I'm going to generalize this so that you can start to use this today. But obviously, everybody's different, but I want to break it down so that you have something to take away and practice. So the first step is we have to figure out what's going on. We don't need more rules. We don't need more restrictions. We need to, like, what I call, map the activation cycle. What is happening? We need to raise our awareness around food, around our habits, around food. So what situations spike emotions for you or spike your anxiety? When you say you're an emotional eater, what emotions do you turn to food to cope with? And. And what creates that? Is it work? Is it your relationship? Is it boredom in the evening? Is it stress at the end of the day because you've been with your kids? Whatever it is, what causes the emotions that you then turn to food for that soothing, for that numbing, for that coping? So what situations spike those emotions? Where does it show up in your body? Do you feel your heart racing? Do you get a headache? Does your stomach hurt you? Is there any kind of physical sensation that you start to feel when you feel those emotions? And then the third question is, what thoughts fire first? Oh, my gosh, I need something to eat. Ooh, Chocolate cake would be good right now. I earned this. I deserve this. We all have our go to thoughts when it comes to our patterns of coping. So what situations spike the emotions? Where does it show up in your body? And what thoughts fire? First you're addressing the external, the internal feelings and your thoughts. And now with those questions answered, once you do that, you can get a little bit ahead and raise your awareness around your own cycle. Every night I get home from work and I'm fine and I eat dinner with my family. But then about 8:30, I'm watching TV and I want some food. I find myself always like looking for dessert. There's maybe boredom, there's numbing out, there's, wow, I made it through my day and I earned this treat. Whatever it is, don't judge yourself. But now you have some awareness and you have some clarity. Because what we monitor, we can modify. What you track, you can change. So this is all about raising your awareness so that we can start to interrupt that cycle and disrupt the pattern that is maybe causing you additional stress. Right, because food is coping, but then afterward we're struggling. I feel guilty, I feel shame. I can't believe I did that again. I'm so embarrassed. I can't get a handle on this. I need more willpower. It's what happens after that that impacts us. In the moment, we're getting what we need. Afterward, we're not happy with ourselves. So if you are someone who has these habits and you're not happy with yourself afterward, or it's causing you be even more stressed, you're in a cycle and it's about disrupting that loop, disrupting that cycle. So that first step is map the activation cycle. The second step is separating physical hunger from that urgency. Remember I said earlier, urgency is a message, not an emergency. So hunger builds slowly. All of a sudden you're not like, oh my God, I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day. Like sometimes. But generally physical hunger starts to build slowly. You know, you haven't eaten in a while and your body's actually physically hungry. An urgency tends to spike quickly or they come in waves, almost like a panic. All of a sudden you're like, oh my God, I need something to eat. You're responding to something happening internally or externally. There's like an urgency there. I need to fix this intense sudden panicky feeling. Whatever it might be, it's not hunger. Usually it's not that physical hunger. It's an emotion hungry for support. So step one is map the activation cycle. Step Two is start to separate physical hunger from that urgency from your emotions and start to kind of distinguish the feelings between the two and what that looks like for you. Step three is a 60 second pause. So often when we have a feeling, we are off to the races very quickly. I want to again make this feeling go away or I want to feel more. We don't stop and raise our awareness and create that window to figure out what do I want right now versus what do I need. So the 60 second pause isn't again another rule. It's not a restriction, it's what am I feeling, what do I need, what am I about to do right now based on what I want and how I'm feeling And what do I need? Because what I want is immediate gratification. What I need is to deal more effectively with what's going on internally or externally if there's some external stressors. So the pause interrupts your automatic reaction to whatever's going on. It brings your logic back online and helps you think through something and it creates your ability to make a choice so you can have the awareness and figure out here's what I want versus here's what I need and what is going to be best for me. Because here's what I want is immediate gratification. Here's what I need is what's going to truly help me in the short and the long term. And I'm going to be happy with myself in an hour if I respond this way. Because a lot of times when we turn to immediate gratification, we again perpetuate that cycle of now I feel guilty, now I feel shame. I can't believe I did that. I'm beating myself up, all those things. And then step four is building the outside of the kitchen options. You have to figure out what's going to work for you. Everything works. Not everything works for you. I tell my clients that all the time. This is where long term change happens. This is where you start to practice things other than turning to food to cope. This is where like the rubber meets the road. You need alternative ways to comfort yourself. You can want comfort, you need other options. So when we are trying to address stress, we do things like deep breathing, grounding, a five minute walk, journaling, naming the emotion. Hey, I'm feeling X, Y, Z. Like talk yourself through the things I just went through and talk yourself through that process. Create that window so that you can think through it in a more logical way and bring the emotion down. Change your environment. A lot of times my clients are like, well, I'm sitting in my living room and I can see my kitchen. And I'm sitting there and I'm just trying not to look at the fridge. And it's like, okay, well, go to your room. Go to another room. Go outside. A lot of times when we're dealing with something, we sit and literally sit down in the exact space and white knuckle it. And that doesn't work. So actually change your physical environment. Go do something else. Go into a different room, whatever it might be. You can read, you can text a friend who maybe understands this. You have to figure out other tools that help you address what's going on in the moment so that when you have other options, food stops being the only option you have. This is a habit. This is something that you have practiced and reinforced again for years, probably decades. It's going to take some time. Something will work for you. You have to be willing to try. You have to be willing to give it a fair shake. And then over time, you can say, well, that didn't work. I'm still struggling, or I'm still having a craving. Let me try something else. And I always want to say, like, we're not robots. We're not looking for perfection here. We're looking for options so that more often than not in an hour, you're not mad at yourself. That's what this is about. I don't truly care if you turn to food to cope. What I care is that when people come to me and there's so much shame and guilt and there's frustration with themselves and they're berating themselves because of how they're handling what is going on around them. And internally, that's what we're trying to work on. It's disrupting the pattern that is then creating this story that they have about themselves that is causing the additional stress. Right. Continuing to perpetuate this negative cycle. A couple quick things to remember. You're not out of control. You're overwhelmed. Something is going on. Something needs attention. You're allowed to want comfort. You're human. We want to feel. Not feel, soothe, have comfort. We want to de stress. We want relief. All of those things. You just need more options. And you need options that are gonna work for you. And that's up to you to figure out and practice and start to see, oh, that works great for stress, but that doesn't work when I'm sad or that works when I'm, you know, coming home from work and I have free time. But that doesn't Work. And on a weekend when I have a lot more free time, whatever it is, you gotta figure out what works for you and give things a fair shake in the moment so you can figure out what works for you, but what works when. And then again, we're not robots. You're going to quote, unquote, relapse. You're gonna have days where you're like, screw you, Lori, I'm eating the cake, or I'm plowing through that bag of chips. Like, that's fine. But what I always tell my clients is as long you're making a conscious decision, that's the important part. To be able to say, I was aware of what was going on in the moment and I decided to eat the chips anyway. Fact, I did that. To be able to make a conscious decision and still say, but I'm choosing the thing that maybe isn't the best for me right now. Again, raise that awareness. Because as we raise that awareness, we can work through the messiness of, like, starting to change our coping patterns, starting to change our behaviors, starting to change these habits that we have reinforced years, decades. So I just want you to know it is possible to feel calmer. It is possible to feel more in control with food and less anxious about it and less stressed about it and less stressed, maybe about the evenings. If you're a nighttime eater, think about these four steps. Think about how they apply to you. Answer the questions, start to practice other options, how to address this and figure out what works for you. Raise your awareness around food. And just keep in mind this is going to take time. You didn't just start eating your feelings yesterday. These are things that we've been reinforcing for a long time. So be patient, give yourself some grace, give yourself some time to figure this out. But it can be done. I see it time and time again. We want to raise that awareness. We want to figure out what's going on internally and externally, and we want to give you options. You got to figure out what works for you. As always, share your thoughts on Instagram. Love to hear where you're listening from. And until next time, take care.

Thanks for hanging out with me today on let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you'd leave a five star review, share it with a friend, or come say hi on Instagram at Lori Street Reader. Your support will help this podcast grow. And I so appreciate you being here today. I want to help people just like you feel like they're not alone and gain the tools they need to grow. Until next time.

Take care.