041 Love LOST, Life FOUND with Alpha Female Robyn Baldwin

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Welcome to the earn your happy podcast.

I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss.

Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear. Clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and today I'm so excited to introduce you to Robin Baldwin. She has her own podcast that I also got to be on called the Alpha female podcast. It was so much fun. And she is a work life harmony strategist. She's a full time marketing manager and a fitness and lifestyle blogger. She also calls herself an Ms. Warrior after being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in December of 2014. And you guys, we had the best conversation. Conversation all about life and relationships, right down to her having to call off her wedding and what happens on the other side of that and how to come through.

So you can also hear great things.

About how to have your own summer bucket list. So let's get started. Robin, I'm so excited to have you on the show today. Thank you so much for coming on.

I'm so excited as well. I can't wait to sit down with you.

So I couldn't wait to have another conversation with you because I got to be on your podcast, the Alpha female and I just love what that stands for and why you started that. So tell us a little bit about what an alpha female is to you.

So the definition has totally evolved from the first time I was called it. I was called it when I first got into fitness competitions and I was working full time in establishing my personal brand and a coworker was like, oh, you're such an alpha female. And I was like, and I thought it was like, I didn't know how to take it. And she was like, it's just such an empowering and positive term. I was like, oh, okay. So it's not like a female that eats men for breakfast. I get it. So I evolved the definition and it's really a state of mind of being an intelligent and intellectual problem solver. Just like you choose ambition and you're proud of it, but you always strive for a happy and healthy work life. Harmony at the same time. So the definition is all about putting yourself first and never sacrificing your principles or your dignity. So really, like, choosing your priorities and sticking to them, always filling up your cup so that you have more to pour into others. But it's also about empowering the relationships in your life and nurturing them and taking care of other people as well. So that kind of wraps it all up into one.

Oh, man, we need to put that on a plaque, like, and just look at it daily for inspiration. Okay, so being an Alpha female myself, I'm just gonna claim it. Yeah. What do you find? Because you get to talk to so many women about this. This is who you have on your show all the time. So what is a common struggle? What's some of the biggest things that you're always finding come up for us?

I find there's two kind of themes, and it's trying to be nicer to ourselves. So learning to actually do less, be less of an overachiever, less of a perfectionist, and being okay with those things. So accepting seasons of our life. So whether it's, you know, new moms or women that have more than, you know, two kids just allowing themselves to be in whatever season they're in is a big theme. And being nicer to themselves, fitness wise. I was shocked to hear how many Alpha females are like, you know what? I used to do all of the hardcore exercise, and it was always about doing more, being more, being more epic. And I realized that, like, just going for a really long walk is exactly what my body needs. And so that's been a great theme to hear. And I would also say over and over again, it's the personality thing. So Alpha females can come off as short or blunt. And whether it's in the workplace or in just whatever platform we're trying to share our message, sometimes we come across as just, like, cold, but it's just really like we're just trying to communicate our message in the fastest possible way so that you understand it. And there's not always a lot of, like, frilly words around it. So sometimes that's not received very well from people that aren't ready to hear it.

So what's the work around that? Is that on our end, their end is. What do you think that is?

Well, I share several times on the podcast that for me, from a corporate standpoint, I've had a really hard time with coworkers not understanding me because I'm always like, a dominant personality. And I've been sent to leadership courses and communication courses on how to communicate better with other personalities. And I kept putting my hand up over and over again. I was like, why do I. Like, why am I the only one that has to figure out how to communicate with all the other types of personalities? Why can't those personalities understand me? So I was like, I get it. It's a give and take and I totally am up for the challenge. And I've learned how to potentially soften my tone or ask someone how their weekend is before giving a direction or asking for a task. So I've learned to adapt. I'm not always going to be embraced, but I would rather be respected than always completely, like, loved. And that's okay. Like, I. If I am, I'm very task driven. So if I'm trying to get something done and everyone involved in that project is going to benefit, then I'm okay with not being, like, everyone's best friend.

Wow, that's really powerful and really beautiful. And I think that even just getting a little piece of that into your life can really move so much forward. And this brings up an interesting topic. I know we're totally just. We're probably gonna have a longer conversation than I anticipate. I can already see it. I'm like, okay, I have to go here with you. So if you were the exact same way and you were male, what would you be called?

I would be an alpha male. Like, it's the same thing.

It's the same thing.

That's why, like, I've embraced. And it's funny because the majority of my audience is actually males. When I look at my Google Analytics on my blog or, you know, men that show up on my morning periscopes, it's like, it's. The majority is men because they really embrace the personality. They respect it and they love getting. I share a lot about work, life, harmony, and taking care of yourself at the same time. And alpha males recognize that they need to put themselves first to be better and to be stronger and to be smarter. Like, if they're getting eight hours of sleep, holy cow, you can't stop them in the workplace. So males tend to just like, really feed off of the masculine energy that's a part of the alpha female definition and person personality. And I've been told countless times in my career when I've gotten, you know, a negative review because I've been perceived as blunt and short by males that are mentors in my career, they're like, it wouldn't happen if you were a man, but because you're a really cute blonde, people expect you to be a different way. And it's a stereotype and it exists. So I even tried to adapt my work style. So I would go into meetings wearing, like, full pantsuits and my hair in a bunch of. And I would try to. I would try to be more masculine so that I could, like, my personality would be understood that way.

Wow, interesting. And did that work for you and did you go back to just who you are?

Yeah, I just went back to being more authentically who I am. Like, I can curl my hair and sit in a boardroom and go toe to toe with someone, like, with necklaces and rings on versus the pantsuit. So I'm embracing more, like the female aspects of a woman and knowing that that's okay in a workplace and also being open to receiving constructive feedback. So in my last corporate position, I received feedback that I was coming across as really cold and blunt, and I broke down crying in front of my boss. And she was like, who are you? I don't understand. I'm like, I want the world to love me. And she's like, you do, but you don't come across this way. I'm like, because I'm task driven. I'm trying to get stuff done, and I get stuff done really well. But I want. I do want everyone to love me. Like, I. I don't deal well with haters or online trolls or any of that. Like, I take it so personally, and I want to talk with them and change their minds.

I totally know. So is there something that you do? You know, there's a. There's a quote out there about our biggest strengths also being some of our biggest struggles. Because the same thing that gets you to where you want to go and helps people move forward is also the same exact thing that can have people be like, whoa, whoa, like, hold on, where's the love I need to be? You know, feel like I'm a human in this and. And you. You view them that way, but you're just thinking that you are doing the absolute best thing for this person. So what are some things that you've done? You know, now you. Sounds like you've gotten a lot of feedback on it, that you're like, okay, I want to bring in some more of this feminine energy. Because for me, I've, you know, this has just been such a topic in my life. I spend a lot of time, even though I'm passionate and I'm really caring about people, I can be really in the masculine energy, especially if I'm very like in the midst of a goal or in the midst of a push in my business or whatever that is. And I really need to be conscious of stepping in to the feminine to allowing. What do you do? Do you have any rituals around it?

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Well, I put in the definition of an alpha female that she strives for synergy with the world around her so that I could like, I could recognize that I am still trying to adapt this into my life. And one of the things that I'm trying to do is so I'm the type of person that doesn't ask you about your weekend or doesn't ask about how like last night went when I'm sitting down to like a status meeting or anything in my corporate life. And I actually just went to, I started another income stream as a network marketer and I went to a leadership training event for the company and someone high up in the organization gave an amazing speech on how network marketing provides just an ability to help people. And if you have an honest to goodness need and yearning to help people in whatever is your why. So my why is to help people be proactive with their health. So as a work life harmony strategist, I want people to understand you have to put your health first to be a strong and ambitious person. And so as she was talking, she kept saying, like, who likes contacting in the network marketing business? Like, no one put up their hand because it feels so inauthentic and so like grimy and dirty. And she's like, how many people love helping people? And like everyone's hands shoot up. And she talked about how much travel she does and how she has just amassed an amazing network of friends first around the world by asking people questions about themselves. And so I sat there and realized that this is something that I like need to do. And I just it and having the podcast is my first kind of like foray into putting other people first and becoming a really great interviewer and knowing how to listen. Like it, it challenges you to learn how to listen again and have conversation, which is something that is lacking in our world now of short hits on social media. And so just like just the act of podcasting is teaching me how to soften myself, and it's also teaching me how to put others first and how. And how can I help others. And so my podcast will be promoted and will get better as I help others. And so it was such an important kind of message to just sit there and challenge. I actually flew home from that event and I never talk to people on airplanes. Like, I'm the person with my nose, with my nose in my kobo, focusing on my book or doing my next kind of side hustle challenge. And I challenged myself to ask the person beside me questions. And it was so uncomfortable and such a great learning experience because I push my comfort zones all the time. I skydive, I run obstacle course races, I've bungee jumped, like, you name it. I'm an adrenaline junkie. But asking someone on an airplane how their weekend was, it was crazy. So that's how I'm trying to embrace my feminine side of caring.

So how did it go? What did the person say? Were they interesting or were you like, wow, Yep. That wasn't fun.

I tried to ask open ended questions and they ended up being like one word answers.

You sat next to another person just like you who's like, who is this crazy chick trying to talk to me?

Talking to me? I was like, how was your weekend in Toronto? And she's like, good. I'm like, did you do many things? It was so. It was so awkward and I like, I watched myself from afar do this and I was like, oh, dear lord, you're crashing and burning. But it was, it was really good for me to do.

That is amazing. You know what's so fun that I've discovered on this podcast? You know how we keep finding common themes, like, among the people that we chat with? I really find that the most successful people that I talk to and the happiest give themselves little challenges, like on the daily. So I love that and I love, like that we can laugh at ourselves throughout the challenges. Because I'm the same exact way. I'm like, oh, my God, Lori, that was so weird and hilarious, like such a good SNL skit.

And I love that you talk about like, you name it out loud and you say it out loud. Like I almost yelled out loud. I'm sorry, this is so awkward.

Feel like you're actually a part of a challenge right now. No, no, no, no. Nobody else's challenge. Just mine.

Just mine.

So thanks for that. Okay, so I really want to dive into this book that you are that you just finished writing. Love Lost, Life Found. What an amazing title. I love it because no matter what I think that love is, I think that we can all agree that some sort of clearing transition shift happens.

This book about. So I was engaged to be married in 2012, and I ended up calling off my wedding one month before and leaving a very toxic relationship and then finding a life I absolutely love. So that in. That inspired the title.

How long were you guys together?

We were together for four years.

Okay. Do you guys live together?

We did.

Okay. How did you meet?

We met clubbing. So I was. I was a little party girl in my 20s and I met him at a club and so we actually like moved in together right away. It was kind of fast and furious. And as after I left the relationship and went through a lot of therapy, I realized that I was on a societal timeline to get married. I believed I had to be married by a certain age. And I equate it all back to home EC class in grade eight when our teacher asked us to make dream boxes. And it was the first time that, like, vision boarding had been introduced to my life. But we were asked to set timelines against it, which is still very present in the vision boarding world. But. But I think my young mind was so subconsciously affected by this in an incorrect way. So I had put on the timeline that I was going to graduate from university, meet my fiance in university, get married, and have two children two years later. And so I had planned this out. So I thought I had this timeline because my parents got married right after university and they didn't have me until like several years later. So I didn't, I didn't factor that into my timeline. I was just like, oh, okay, like, here's how it'll go. I'll get a career and then I'll get the children and then I'll grow the career. And then like, I just started planning it out. And because I'm an A type personality and overachiever, I thought I had to get there. So the first man that comes to me and was like, I want to have children with you. I want to spend my life with you. I was like, okay, let's go.

And.

And I was just, I was just fighting against a title timeline. And so, like, there was so many warning signs in the relationship that it was not okay, but I was just like, clinging to the Fact that I thought I should be married by the time I was 30.

What made you think you had to do that?

Just, I also. So society timeline, this thing. The advent of social media was just coming out. So we met in 2009 and like I just got Facebook in 2007 and so it was two years later and everyone's starting to learn how to use the platform. Everyone's posting pictures of their engagements and their weddings and babies. And because I was turning 30, like all of my friends were in that world. And so I was seeing it all on social media and I was like, oh crap, I'm behind. And so like, my societal timeline view that I had created subconsciously in my head was then being supported by a comparison analysis on social media.

So what were the, what were the consequences in your mind if that didn't happen?

That I'd failed, that I'd failed at a relationship. And I truly believe in unconditional love and I truly believe in giving my all to a person. And despite the relationship being so failed, I thought that if I just gave him unconditional love, it would fix everything. So if, if that didn't fix everything, then I had completely failed. So I was just like going on this concept of unconditional love and I wasn't also understanding that it goes both ways.

So when did you know? When did you know that it just wasn't. How did that look? When did you know that it just was not going to work?

So the warning signs, and I mentioned that we met clubbing and the year that we got together, I had discovered my fitness journey, as I called it. So I started educating myself on eating better and working out. And I then chose to stop drinking because of the sugar at the time. It was also a great excuse to get it out of my life.

Right.

And I had asked him to stop going out as much. So he was going out, you know, four times a night and he had pulled that back to one. And then it started creeping up again. So back to like two times, three times a week. Four times a week he was going out and he wasn't coming home until like 4 o' clock in the morning, many of those nights and our bars closed at 2am so in the pit of my stomach, I didn't understand why he wasn't coming home. And there's other warning signs that happened. He came home with an STD six months before our wedding. And like, that wasn't enough of a red flag. I just was like, oh, I'm sure it's been dormant all these years, like, there's no way that you just picked it up. Like, I would make excuses. And the hardest part was after we got engaged, about six months into the engagement, he attempted suicide and. And I lost my job two weeks later. So I was in this massive storm that I didn't understand where I was trying to get to a wedding. I was now supporting another individual. I had lost our main source of income. It was a blessing in disguise because I was able to try to get the help that I thought he needed. So I was home and able to take him to appointments. We tried to get him diagnosed, we tried to get him proper help with therapists, but it was me trying to fix him. Like there was. I realized probably like eight months later, which was then two months before the wedding, that I was trying to fix a man that didn't want to be, quote, unquote, fixed. Like he was okay sitting in the depression and he was okay continuing with the drinking. And my final kind of like few months before we called off the wedding, he would disappear for sometimes days on end. So not only was he not coming home from the club, but then he just wasn't coming home at all. And like, my gut was telling me that this is not okay and that he was probably cheating on me, but I couldn't accept that at the time. And I had. This is a long story trying to make it short. I had turned to an ex boyfriend who had gotten married and his wife was dealing with postpartum depression. And we had had a conversation about just the help that she had gotten and how much it could potentially benefit my ex fiance. And my ex fiance found that conversation and then thought I was cheating on him. So everything blew up. We decided to. We used the words postpone the wedding, which really meant I canceled everything, but used the words postpone so that it didn't. It was like less of a hit on me. And he had disappeared for a week at that time and he chose to move back in with me. So I had called off our wedding, canceled everything. And then this man chose to come back and come back into my home. And I had asked him that if you do this, if we cancel the wedding and really focus on us and like the root of the problem. Let's try therapy and can you maybe stop drinking for the month and see where that goes? And so the entire month he did not come home sober one single night. And my final, I guess breaking point was he had come home one night, it was three o' clock in the morning. It was like a Monday night and he stumbled into our home and looked at me and said, you disgust me. And I realized that everything that he was going through, he was projecting on me.

Yes.

And I just thought like it was like a light switch went on and I asked him to leave and that was. That was the end.

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So what did that look like when you actually did it? You were probably at your breaking point obviously already. So to, to the fed up point of, wow, I can't live this way. But you have to almost step into a different per. Like being a different person while you're going through that. So what did that all look like? Having to call that off, Having to tell everybody.

I kind of went on to autopilot. Like, I was just like, okay. I took my wedding checklist and just worked backwards and it's just like, okay, this is what I need to do. And then I'll do this and then I'll do this and like, maybe I'll eat tonight and then I'll cry. And it was just like, it was just like, it was very robotic how I was going through every step and I was like looking back, I was so messy, but necessary. Just like, I was just stumbling through, like I was so lost in the relationship. I was trying to make another human being happy. I hadn't, I didn't even like in my. I was turning 30 at the time. In my 30 years of life. I did not understand what it meant that you choose your own happiness. And I think so many, like, we're highly intelligent women as alpha females and I think so many women really, truly understand this concept that you choose your own happiness. If you've been basing your happiness on being in a relationship and that's all you've known because maybe you've grown up in your 20s in a relationship and unless you hit some sort of rock bottom or realization and learn through a storm, it's a very hard concept to understand.

Sometimes that rock bottom is so, so eye opening and it gives you all of the strength that you could possibly need because you don't feel like you have anything. It's. It's not worth staying there anymore. There's nothing there to stay for. So it creates this massive clearing of just getting rid of it so you can think of a new possibility. Did you feel that at any point that you were like, wow, like, I just, everything has to go because I know that there's more.

Yeah. And you always look back in hindsight and go, oh, my God. That was my biggest learning experience. And people tell you the standard stuff that you want to punch them in the face for, like, everything happens for a reason. Oh, you dodged a bullet. And you're like, I can't understand that right now. Like, I am so wrapped up in this grief and this pain that, like, maybe I'll get there, but, like, I can't hear that right now. So what I do cherish from this experience is that it's been able to give me so much empathy to the standard statements of grief that people use, and I'll never use them. And so I appreciate that side, but I did have to hit that rock bottom to start. I call it rebuilding. Because there was so many things that. That was lacking in my life to allow that type of relationship. And I allowed that relationship. I'm not a victim. I allowed that to happen. I didn't love myself, so I had to then rebuild self, love and truly understand what that meant. And then I had to forgive myself for being in the relationship and allowing it to happen because I was so mad at myself that I would then allow it to happen. And so it was just like stepping stone after stepping stone to rebuild. And looking back on it all, I'm extremely grateful for the storm and for what it has taught me and how much resilience it has given me. And I don't know how I could have possibly learned it any other way. And when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2014, I was just like, okay, I got this. Like, I've already been through a storm. Like, I know. I know steps that I can now do to, I guess, weather it. So I'm completely grateful, but no one ever sees the gratitude in the moment, and I understand that.

So what. What are some of the biggest things that you're.

What.

What are the takeaways from it? Why has your life shifted? Why did it get better?

I realized that I wasn't living my life for me, and I wasn't putting myself first. And that's why the definition of alpha female has evolved so much through my healing journey is I was putting another individual first. I was trying to make him happy. I was trying to heal his depression and heal his mental illness. And I had stopped going to the gym during that time. I was emotionally eating, and I had gained weight. And I was like, this is. This is not what I love. Like, I love moving my body. I love challenging myself. I love reading books. I hadn't been reading any books during that time. And as I started dating Again, I started dating people that, like, were filled with adventure and I realized that I was like craving this in my life. So I've, I've learned that, like, I. I wasn't running away from the pain, but I was learning how to do things that just fill me up with joy.

So when you. Well, we'll get to that. I was going to say, when you bring yourself into, you know, another relationship, do you ever go back to fear at all around it? And how do you bring a complete you, you to whatever you're doing? Any relationship. Right. It doesn't even have to be a romantic relationship.

You just broke up on that question.

Oh, sorry. Let's say it again. I was like, oh, she needs to think about that one. That's a good one. Okay, so how do you. Do you ever go back to. Do you ever get to a fearful place when you go to enter into a new relationship, whether it be romantic or just with, you know, a friend or anything, that maybe you'll bring parts of you, you know, who you were previously into this next relationship?

Yeah, and I still do it to this day. Like, I still. I'm in the most amazing, loving relationship, but if I think he's unhappy, I try to fix it immediately. And so, like, even though I've learned this concept and I understand it, I still have to catch myself from going back into an old pattern. So I understand that like a healing process, you don't just snap your fingers and become a new person. Like, you have to deal with years and years of subconscious thoughts that have been created. And I'm learning that I also have to be nicer to myself. And so it wasn't even just an act of self forgiveness, but even as I go through and I stumble again and I'm like, oh, you're doing it again. Like, there's. I get so mad and frustrated at myself that, like, why haven't you learned your lesson faster? Like, let's go, let's pick it up. But healing and feelings and emotion, like, you can't overachieve at them like you can. You. You just have to be who you are and allow that to happen. And so it's still a learning process on being nicer to myself.

I love that it's always a journey. I love that you say that because it's just like how I know I'm very self aware that if I have crackers in my cabinet, they are gonna make me want to overindulge. Right? It's the same idea. It's like, it is a Through line throughout our entire life and everything that we do. It's like if there's triggers, if someone's acting unhappy, you know that you, the old you or the old, you know, way of thinking was make them happy. Oh, it must be me. I mean, for me, I think if I have any relationship triggers anym more, it's like, oh, am I not good enough? Or, oh, is there something about that person that's better than me? Or, you know what I mean, something like that. So I know those things, though, and I know where I have to say, be nicer to yourself, just like you had said, or pull back and be like, just focus on what you love and what you're doing right now. Just getting really present with that. And it just kind of pulls you out of trying to fix everything. And I just want people to be really aware that you don't snap your fingers. Like she said, you don't necessarily ever shake it sometimes, but it does give you these beautiful. It's almost like you recognize it sooner and sooner and sooner. Like, are you programmed now just to, like, immediately recognize when you're doing it?

Yeah, but the only thing is, because I'm such a self development and self help junkie, I am constantly, like, overanalyzing everything, and I know that it's too much sometimes, and it's like, okay, you listen to three podcasts today. You do not need to apply every single one in, like, all aspects of your relationship. Like, I, I, I'm cognizant of that, and I'm trying to watch that. But it's funny how, like, my overachiever and like, just like, achievement ways are even applicable to self development. And I, I watch myself do it, and I kind of have to be nicer to myself and be like, okay, slow down, slow down. But it's funny, the, the word journey. I had an argument with an alpha male, of all things. He was like, I hate the word journey. Like, everybody calls it a fitness journey, a health journey, a happiness journey. I'm like, but that's what it is. It's, it's not a destiny. Like, there's no destination. Like, I don't reach happy every day and say, okay, good, I'm, I'm good. I'm done here. Like, you're never finished. And it's the same thing. Like fitness. There's always new ways to challenge yourself or learn how to be nicer to yourself. Health, there's always something else that we can do to optimize our health, and it's a constant Practice. So like practice and journey are kind of interchangeable. But choosing happy, it's practice every single day to do that. Because we may arrive at a nice little destination in time, but we're still moving forward.

I love that. And I love the word journey, because that's what it is. And really, I saw a quote the other day, it said, complete but not finished. And I loved that because every day we can be complete, we can feel complete, we can complete something, but we're not even close to being finished. So I just, it just so resonated with me, right, because I can, I can be complete even when I'm not even close to done. So because I think forever. And you, I'm preaching to the choir here. It's like we just have so much that we want to do. And finding the peace of mind when you have so much that you want to do. Okay, so that gets me to the second part of your title, Life Found. So tell me all about that.

It was just a journey of again, journey, self, love, understanding what that really meant, to love myself and be okay, spending time with myself. So as I left the relationship and just like was alone in my home and started dating again, I was so messy. And this is what I talk about. I went into therapy and I am such a big proponent of it. I still to this day see a therapist because the ability to like talk about the messy with someone that doesn't judge you is just awesome. But I was filled with anxiety, I was filled with worry. And so I started doing things to kind of figure out how to heal. And so it started with the Happiness Project. I read that book right after and I started developing just like short term goals for my life that would just kind of keep me focused so that I wouldn't get lost in depression and insomnia. And it was like simple things like getting back into the gym three times a week, starting meal prep again because I loved from my fitness competitor days, like I loved doing that. And then I started setting like bigger goals, like things that I wanted to do that make me happy or things that I missed doing. And Gretchen Rubin in her book calls it the setting aims for yourself. So I started doing that and then like dove straight headfirst into as many self development books as I could get my hands on and dove into like Gabby Bernstein, basically all of her books. But May Cause Miracles was one of the ones that really helped me on a daily basis work through fear based thoughts. And those were all my anxiety thoughts. So I would start dating guys and if they didn't respond to a text within like an hour, I would immediately assume that they were cheating on me or talking to another woman because that's all I had accepted into my life before. So I started working through a crap ton of self development books, going to therapy, and then my biggest tool for finding a life that I absolutely love are my seasonal bucket lists. So I remember one day seeing a blog post by the Tone It Up Girls, and they had made a summer bucket list. And I was like, I haven't really enjoyed a summer in four years because I was inside, you know, babysitting a man that was so depressed. I was scared. I was on suicide watch all the time. Like, I never went out. And so I just created like a really simple summer bucket list. My first summer on my own and it was like, go on a picnic, start a balcony garden, go golfing, go on a road trip. And it was just simple things and the list slow. So every year I make like a massive summer bucket list to make the most of our Canadian summers, which are quite short. And then it even evolved to winter bucket lists because our winters are quite brutal. So I wanted to make the most of winter and actually, like, enjoy it and live it. So I like had stuff like dog sledding and skating and learn how to snowboard and cross country ski again. And it was just filled with things that I hadn't done in a long time, things that I wanted to try for the first time, and then things that I love doing, like just put it on the list to make sure I do it.

Wow. I'm inspired to make one myself. So I was just thinking of all the things that I want to do right now, so. And absolutely plan. That's such a huge thing for me right now is planning things in so that they really do happen. But I love just putting. I love putting a great name on it and saying this is what I. What I want to get done. So that's really, really beautiful. Okay, so that's how you found much of your life and now you're in a relationship and how is that going?

It's spectacular. It's just, it's so comfortable and filled with good communication. And there's like, of course the moments aren't always perfect, but I have someone that is so willing to work through them and has promised that he'll always work through them and has made that point very clear to me. And someone that accepts all of the broken parts of me that are still healing, because that's a really hard thing for women that have gone through something. Like, I've called off a wedding. Like, who could ever want to marry me in the future? And I'm sure that the same types of thoughts happen, even, like, in horrible breakups or after divorces. And so there was a quote that I found. I'm a lover of quotes, and I would scan Pinterest on, like, insomnia nights just to, like, try to find something that would reach and touch my heart. And one of the quotes was, find someone who is willing to help you unpack. And that's true because everyone. We all say it's the standard statement, like, we all have baggage, which I think is such a negative term, but it exists, and we have that view. So it's like, how can you just find someone that is willing to unpack that baggage with you and, you know, be there with you while you unpack it or unpack it together? And I think that's such an amazing quality. And he's filled with adventure. And, like, he's even added stuff to my bucket list that I never thought about. Like, he took me winter camping this year, which I never thought I would do. Yeah, it was intense.

You can just tell me about that one later.

But even, like, filling our summers with, like, plans for canoe trips, and we're growing a vegetable garden right now, and we got a puppy together. And so it's, like, just little things. But, like, sharing a life with someone that you feel so supported with is just an amazing thing to discover and weird timing that it's happening as I decided to publish this book.

So interesting.

It's really hard to, Like, I would have. I would have been totally fine sharing this book and publishing it. I decided to publish it on the date that was supposed to be my wedding, because the date every single year was just kind of a hard date to see. And my mom last year was like, when are you gonna make it a positive one? I was like, good point. I'll publish the book on the date.

Hey, I love that things don't have to be. Be what they are right now. I love that you can choose to make them, you know, something completely different simply by switching a thought around it and switching something that you do on it. I love that. And, Robin, I want to just go to the. The place of, how do we have those conversations? Like, you keep saying, you know, you're in a relationship where you're with someone who promises to discuss and work through anything. So that can be weird for people in the beginning, right? And I use my. My. My assistant all the Time, she's going to kill me. She actually listens to these. But I use her all the time because I'm learning so much about relationships now. Like, that what the dating world is like right now from different perspectives. And, you know, it's always like, how do you have that conversation in the beginning with someone when it's supposed to be fun and whatever this is, and all of a sudden you're hit with, wow, this totally isn't my person. Or do you have that conversation right away?

I don't. I. To be honest, like, there is no guidebook for this. And as many. Like, there's so many relationship books out there. One on, like, how to, you know, heal a broken heart. Like, I read one. It was like, 30 days to heal a Broken Heart. And the subtitle of this book is eight Practical Ways to Heal a Broken Heart. And these are things that worked for me, and hopefully they potentially work for somebody else. But there is no guidebook, and we're all stumbling through life, and I believe that we. We have to figure it out for ourselves. And we can seek guides and we can seek enlightenment, but our job to figure our shit out. So for me, like, when I was. When I started dating again, like, I would lay my story on people sometimes on the first date because I was like, this is what I just went through. Can you handle it? Can you be there for me? And it was like, no, they can't. You're freaking scaring them. Like, what are you doing? And I learned not to tell my story until I felt supported and comfortable because it's be. And now that I've read Brene Brown, it was so funny because I was like, I was. I was verbally, like, vomiting diarrhea, vulnerability on people, and, like, can you be there for me without giving them the chance to actually, like, get to know me first? And that's why the seasonal bucket lists help is because I started using them as dating tools. So I would be like, here's five things on my list. Do you want to do one of them if you don't like me? We still get to spend a really fun hour together.

Oh, I love that. I think for so many people, it's like they're just out there seeking, but I can't even. I mean. And you know this to have common interests. Major, major common interests that are, like, deal breakers, you know, like, you need to love health and wellness or fitness. You need to love adventure, because now this is a part of my life. What are some for you?

Yeah. It was like, has to be supportive of Health and Fitness. 1 1, because I was diagnosed with MS, I chose to treat myself holistically so my life looks a certain way because it supports me in the best possible way so that my immune system doesn't attack itself. And so like my bedtime is a non negotiable. The food that I eat are non negotiables, you know, decreasing my stress and having a fun filled life. Like those are just, they're part of my life. And so, so everyone, when you're like getting out of relationship and you start dating again, everybody and their. And like your mother will tell you like, oh, stop looking like, don't go on the online dating platforms, don't use the apps, just meet someone organically and you're like, okay, yeah, that's all nice and well. And I was the same way. And I was like, no, I'm going on eharmony, I'm going on Tinder, I'm going on here. But it's true. And the moment I stopped looking, like I stopped looking after I was diagnosed with Ms. Because I decided to put myself first. And that's when I started meeting amazing people both romantically and friendship wise. And when I wasn't looking at all, I met my current boyfriend. And like, it's true when people say like, you meet them when you least expect it. No one wants to hear that when they're in the dating world. But that story is just like over and over again from couples that are, you know, lasting years and years is like they met that person when they were not looking at all, when they.

Were just consumed with what they loved and they were working on their summer bucket list. Yeah, guys, you, you want to connect with someone, you make a summer bucket list and focus on. Oh, I love hearing that. So where can we find you? Where can we follow you? Where can we get your book?

So right now it's available on pre order on Kobo, which is my former employer, so that's kind of cool. But once it launches on August 25, 2016, it should be available most places. So going to robinbaldwin.com will probably be the best way.

Awesome. Anything else that you want to share with anyone?

I would love for people to listen to the Alpha female podcast because it's all about just finding all of our work life harmony tips from different women and seeing how we can apply some of them to our lives. And then because of the podcast, I decided to create a challenge called Live like an Alpha Female and it's how to optimize your life and fitness, health, nutrition and smartphones organization tips. And so that can be found@robinbaldwin.com AlphaFemale oh, beautiful.

And I just want to thank you before I have one last question. I just want to really thank you for coming on and sharing so openly in all the work that you do and just committing to your goals and sharing your story with us so that we can grow from it. So thank you for coming on the podcast.

Thank you for having me.

And last question. Are you ready?

Okay.

You have an elevator ride with someone, it's only 30 seconds long, and they look at you and say, oh, my gosh, Robin, how can I make myself happy?

And all I say is, you choose happiness every single day for yourself.

Beautiful. Thank you so much. And you guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it. Make sure you go follow Robin. And until next time, time, earn your happy. Bye, everybody. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.