100: Relationship and Business Q&A with my Husband, Chris Harder

Foreign.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast.

I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss.

Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

Foreign.

Hey, everybody. I am so excited about today's show because I have had crazy amounts of you on Facebook and on Instagram and just in my email, ask if I could have my husband back on to answer a ton of questions that you guys gave us. So guess who I have here?

I'm back.

He's back. I'm back. So for those of you guys who did not listen to our podcast all about reaching your goals, this is going to be the most frequently asked questions that Chris and I get. And I think that we get questions all the time simply because we've been married for a long time. Well, maybe not long compared to some of you. Married for a long time, but doing business together. And really, I think that we've kind of gone about it in a really unconventional way. And we also do. So we pretty much just do every day of our lives together 24 7. So I think some big questions that come up are how we make that work and just what that looks like from day to day. But we're going to go through all of the questions that you guys sent us. So the first one is from Stephanie, and she asks, how did you two meet and how long have you been married?

Okay, so we've been married 11 years and we live in LA, for those of you that don't know. So in LA, that's like 100 years. You know, like that conversion from human years to dog years. It's a big accomplishment. No, we've been married 11 years and we met, of all places, in a gym in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

So. But how did we really meet?

Here's the truth. I went up to hit on Lori and. And she was not having it, you guys.

I was working out.

I was a victim of bad timing because you had just gotten hit on by like two crazy people before that.

Okay? And for real, that was not the norm for me. So I had Just moved to the small town, walked into this gym. The front desk guy hit on me. He told me I had cop eyes, whatever that means. And then another guy came up right after that. And he had his name tattooed on his arm and referenced it because I think he forgot when he was introducing himself. And poor Chris was the third guy that came up. So by the time I had done this or by the time Chris had come up, I was like, oh, my gosh, where am I? I'm in the Twilight zone. And the poor guy, it was just bad timing. So then what was it? Probably a month later, Maybe a month.

Or so, you finally took pity on me and finally talked to me at the water fountain.

At the water fountain, you guys. It's all about the water fountain. So if you're waiting for Mr. Wright or Mrs. Wright, stay hydrated. Stay hydrated. Okay? So that's how we met. And we were actually friends for about six months before we even started dating. And to be honest with you, I was not interested. I was just really all about having him be a friend because he was opposite of the type of people that I normally went for, but he was on a different agenda. And you know what we were friends for? What was that? A good six months. Hung out just about every day towards the end of that. And it was like my whole, whole perspective, my whole life shifted because I thought, okay, this person has every quality that I have ever wanted. How am I not looking at him as somebody that I could potentially date or have as a partner? And honestly, it was like, I don't even know how it shifted, to be honest with you. So many people ask me, and it was like a lightning bolt. So I think that he just wore off on me and I really let go of what I thought, thought I was looking for. Because what I was looking for, let me tell you, did not work out the three times before. So be open. I just always tell people that story because if I went to been open, my life would not be the dream life that it is today. And truly, I think that's because we are such a beautiful balance. And I was not going for that before.

No, be persistent. That would be my advice if. If you just hang up after this point right here. Take away this. I was persistent. And persistence always wins, I guess.

All right, so you have two perspectives there. Okay, so Ashley. Ashley asks, was there ever a time when one person was gung ho in life or business and the other one wasn't? How did you handle it?

This is a great question, because there's been a lot of times like that. So we've been together about 15 years, married about 11, and you know, in your 20s and then all through your 30s, you really go through different phases in life, right? So there were multiple times where one of us was gung ho in life or in business, and the other one wasn't like, here's kind of a real short timeline. When we first got married, I was really gung ho in corporate America, in my career, flying up the ladder. And you, you hadn't found your passion yet, so at the time, you were just really supportive of mine. Matter of fact, supportive is an understatement. You were willing to moved to a new city every single year. I took a promotion, et cetera. But we needed that kind of support. Had we both been so gung ho at the same time, each in our own direction, it may not have worked out very well. And then right when the big recession hit, I went from having a great career in corporate America in banking to an absolute disaster. And I think that's what forced you to have to go out and find your passion, because, you know, here I was the primary breadwinner for a long time, and all of a sudden we lost my job and we had to take our severance just to pay all of our debt at the time. We had to short sell the big new home that we were in. We had to get rid of our cars, we lost a rental property. I mean, we were really up a crick.

I love that point that you just made that it's like both parties sometimes, in the beginning especially, can't be 100% because sometimes one person's vis or one person's idea needs to take off in order to support the other. And what happens is it's just like a rocket ship in the beginning. Like, you need all engines on full blast in order to get up over that hill, right. In order to get the speed that you need to take off. And it needed both of us for your career. It really needed both of us to be supported. So looking back, I don't know if it would have worked if I would have been just completely 100% into my career and him off on his, because we would have never seen each other. And then, you know, what happened is after everything plummeted was kind of like, okay, well, what's next? It's your turn. Do you have an idea? And we both got. We both had to get behind my idea. And to be honest with you, there were points where I had to ask him to be all in. Because he wasn't all in. I don't think he could see it like I could see it. So I think what, what can happen sometimes is if you have a vision and you know it, you have to sit down and paint that picture for the other person because it's your responsibility to like. Chris couldn't understand what I could see in my mind, what I potentially knew that I could do with his help. I had to paint that picture of, hey, here's my idea for, you know, a fitness business. Here's my idea for this network marketing company. Here's how I see that this could work. Here's what I know I'm going to do. Here's the work I can put in. What effort can you put in? Or here's where I think if I could just get your support. This thing could be crazy. And you have to breathe life into that vision just as much as we breathe life into his initial dream of whatever that was. And also just know, you have to know whatever you guys are both going into may not be the be all, end all. You have to not be attached. You just have to be attached to each other and breathing life into whatever that vision is at that moment. And that's all there is to it. At the end of the day, nothing has, you know, nothing is 100% in any way. And you have to just know that.

So just to further take this one step further on their question, the question was, was there ever a time when one of you was gung ho and the other one wasn't? There were plenty of times where, let's call it like winter and summer. You were in your summer, as in my winter or as in my summer, you were in your winter. But the person who is in their summer, the person who's really on a roll, as long as they're consistent, they'll set a pace that'll make the other person either, I hate to say this fall completely behind and we know the end result of that, or have a wake up call and step it up. Like a great example is a few years back when you were just crushing it and I was just playing it like a, a C plus level, you know what I mean? Like kind of one foot in, one foot out, everything was good, so there was no real urgency to do anything great. And I become very complacent. And I quickly realized one day that with the rocket ship you were on, I was going to become very uninteresting to you if I just stayed very complacent. And so that was one of the things that spurred my crazy Idea to read 30 books in 30 days is because I knew I needed something to radically get me back in the game, to radically boost me up and change my habits and my thoughts and my views and all that stuff. And the 30 books in 30 days is just one example of doing something radical to try and catch up with your partner.

Okay, so question that's not on here for you because I know there's so many people who ask me this, Kris, like if your husband is not necessarily or your wife, your spouse, whoever it is, your partner isn't necessarily, you know, up for the radical. Or maybe they don't know what that would look like for them to make a change. Is there any beginning steps that you would tell them?

Well, open and honest communication is always step number one. Step number two is lead by example. You're going to set the pace for the relationship. And if you want big things and you are capable of achieving big things, how dare you pull back on that just because your spouse or your partner is uninterested in stepping up their own game, right? I mean, how dare you not serve the world with what you have to offer just because you've got a partner that's lazy and maybe checked out of the game. So no matter what you need to set the pace, go out and accomplish what you need to accomplish and your partner is either going to have a wake up call or they're going to fall completely back and out of the game. And the end result is you may not be together but the world is better served and you're better served if you are on that rocket ship that you are supposed to be on.

I love that and I think the biggest thing there as well as, just like he said, communication. Because what we're not realizing is even though they're your partner and you sleep next to them every night, or maybe some, not some sleep on the couch depending on where you are in your relationship. Really, you don't realize how much fear they may not be sharing with you because there's so much fear and identity wrapped, wrapped into beliefs and wrapped into titles. And maybe if one has lost a job or maybe if there's some big transition, there can be so much fear there that they're scared to even tell you because they don't want you to view them as anyone but their rock. They don't want you to view them as less than or not as a provider. So it's so important to come and have just make sure you make it a really safe space to communicate and let them know that maybe you have fears too or you're understanding in every way or not to pressure them or nag them in any way because that's going to close people off and then communication is going to totally shut down.

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So, all right, let's see. We've got Marcia's question here. She says you guys have accomplished a lot together in your business. However, if you could go back and tell yourselves the lessons you've learned to help you on your path, what would they be? Or to help you speed up your path, what would they be?

I don't think we have enough time for this many lessons. Here's an important one that you have taught me and that is, you know, jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. For so long, I spent too much time only doing things I knew that I would be good at and not even touching the things that I wasn't sure if I'd be good or not. You know, if there was certainty in it, I'd be full speed ahead. If there was uncertainty in it, but a lot of potential, unfortunately I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't follow through. I'd put it on the back burner. I'd make excuses. And you taught me, you know, done is better than perfect and it's best just to take the first step and get something out there, do something as opposed to trying to get it all perfect before you unveil it to the public, so to speak. Because it'll never happen if that's the track that you're stuck on.

Amen. I would say mine would be to reach out to people faster, make friends with people who scare me a lot faster. Because now my life is literally fast tracked for those reasons, making those connections with people who've already done it, who have the answers, who are going to take a year or two or five off of whatever screw ups you're doing right now. And it's, it's 100% the truth. So reach out to people faster, take more courses, go to more events, do more things that scare you quicker. Don't put them off. You're ready right now. Like, anyone can open a book, can go to an event, can go walk up to people and ask questions, no matter how stupid they seem. I honestly, when people are like, I have a question or I'm scared that this is a stupid question, if you are coming up to me and asking a question, you are so far advanced compared to everybody else who's just going to sit at home and not wait, right? Not wait to ask different questions to maybe your mentors or go out and seek those answers. Okay, so Christy says, do you read the same books? If one reads something that shifts your mindset or perspective, how do you help share it with the other to help open their minds as well?

It's a really good question. You and I totally don't read the same books. I mean, once in a great while we do, but it's rare. Like, my interest in books is biographies and autobiographies of incredible entrepreneurs or just people that have done epic things. I learned the most from those, I think, like real life application and kind of learning their ups and their downs. I like stories, I like parables, I like all that kind of stuff. And I think you've got kind of a different genre that you're more into.

Well, I'm obsessed. I'm a self help junkie. So, you know, my bookshelf is like all self help spirituality. Anything in that realm, I just, whatever I can possibly get my hands on that I could teach immediately the next day rocks my world. But what I can say is, yeah, there's some books that you and I have both read that are game changers. Like when we both read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind together by T. Harv Eker. We actually read that together in bed, out loud. And that was a game changer. But as far as, you know, if there's books that I just have literally shifted my belief system or completely changed my life, I really ask him to read it. And it's not very often because he does have his own list of books that he wants to get through. But sometimes I ask him straightforward, like, please read this. Like, this is making me feel like I am on a different path. I need you to understand the new way that I am thinking because of this book.

And that's crucial. What you just said right there is if a book means a lot to you, or a chapter or a paragraph or anything, when you say this means a lot to me, this will help you understand the path I'm on. I really need for you to understand this. Then that's a serious enough request where I or whoever their partner is should take that serious and read that even if it's not your genre that you love, number one, it's probably going to end up being interesting anyways. Number two, you're going to understand where your partner's at, where your partner's coming from, what they're going through, or you know, why they're pursuing what they're pursuing in the moment. And that is going to make things a lot easier on your relationship.

Yes, so true. Okay, so Christy asks for good date night ideas. And I liked this question simply because I think it's important to schedule time together. So whether that is a date night or a lunch or whatever it is, it's important to make sure you guys are connected. And I don't just mean, oh, let's eat together, because this is what we do and this is how it's supposed to be. And this is, I guess we're supposed to have these date nights, but really connecting. And I think it's, you know, for Chris and I, some of the coolest things that we've done is try new things because we can get really stuck in the same old. Like, I am such a creature of habit. It's so easy for me to go to the same restaurant, order the same food, even though we have different conversations, because we're definitely keeping self development and books and things like that fresh. But to try to change up your date night. So Chris and I have ballroom danced. We have, you know, we try to go for walks just to get our bodies moving. We try to go to different events, maybe just different things lately that we've been trying to get out of our comfort zone, to really show up as different people. So there was a book that I refer to a lot. I think it's called how to cheat on your husband with your husband. And it talks about going and doing new things because in that moment that you try a new thing, whether it's dancing or whether it's an art class or whatever it is you guys want to try together or like, Chris and I have taken golf lessons together before, you show up as a completely new person in that moment because you're trying a new thing. So to Chris, I'm a new person. Like, we're trying something new. We're acting completely different. We're in a new environment. And he becomes interesting to me again, and I become interesting to him again. So it's really important that you keep it fresh. And I think this happens for us a lot with the books we read, with the events we attend, with the new things that we do because we actually have new things to talk about and bring to the table and how we felt. And our conversation always stays fresh because we continually have this different perspective of each other and ourselves.

Well, I mean, there's probably nothing else I can add. You said it perfect. It's making sure that you're doing different things and doing things that make you very uncomfortable. Number one, because you'll see each other in a different light in that situation. And then number two, making sure that you don't stop growing. Like, you cannot expect to be the Same person at 25 that you are at 45 and find your partner to find you interesting. I mean, that's just not real life. You would be very stale if you haven't changed from 25 to 45 or 25 to 35 or whatever. Your example is literally your responsibility in your relationship to keep growing, keep seeking new things to make sure that you seem different to your partner. Make sure that you're constantly changing. Because if we're expected in this day and age to be together for 50, 60, 70, 80 years now, because how long we live, then you need to make sure that. Because as humans, we seek variety, that you're giving your partner variety through changing yourself for the better.

And honestly, that's just for you. Like, give yourself variety for you. Because if you're not growing, you are unhappy. And that's exactly what we're talking about here, is that when you're unhappy, you're making your partner miserable. Like you're making your. You're so unhappy with yourself, you don't even want to be around yourself. So really the key is if you're happy, your partner's probably happy. So just. Just always try to follow whatever that is that makes you feel good. And I promise you're gonna be a whole lot more fun to hang around. All right, what's our next question here? Do you stick to a strict daily schedule? Asks Sarah.

I love this question because I'm actually a big stickler on this. So what Lori and I have done is we're big fans of time blocking. You know, we put down on our calendars every single week the important things first and whatever we have left over in those gaps. Then we put the next level of important things and so on and so on. And the very first thing that we build in this will blow your mind is our self care. We take care of ourselves first. So our morning coffee, our reading, our prayer, our meditation, our workouts, all of that stuff gets scheduled first. And we take it to the extreme. Now, this won't work for everybody. All of you have different schedules out there, but Lori and I literally have this rule that nobody can get a hold of us. We won't do any work until 11 o' clock in the morning or later. It used to be noon, but we moved up to 11. And that's because those first few hours when we get up, that's for us to accomplish all those things. Prayer, meditation, reading, hanging out together, walking the dog, getting our workouts in. Because we're huge believers that when you put yourself first, it's not selfish. Instead, what you're doing is making sure that you are the best version of yourself for everybody else the rest of the day from that point on. Now, for some of you, your protected time to put yourself first might be in the evening, but you schedule it in. Or it might be in the middle of the day, you can take a couple hours. Nonetheless, if you don't schedule that first, then life is going to run you instead of you running life.

So I just want to make this really clear because Chris and I have gotten to this point because we've always done this where we can schedule it from that time, you know, in the morning, where we get all that time together. But I want to just rewind back to when we were first married and we would wake up at five or six in the morning to get our walks in and do the same exact thing. And whether it wasn't meditation at the time, it was connection and walking around our neighborhood, the lakes, whatever it was. We'd wake up so early before he went to work because we knew that that was the foundation of our relationship and our life and our goals. And I remember in those walks, it was like the first 30 minutes, sometimes we wouldn't talk at all. And then like the second 30 minutes, we'd finally start waking up. And it would be breathing life into our goals, our dreams, our plans for that day. And without that, I know we would never be where we are, because that was so foundational to start our day that way. So whether you have to start super early right now to build a life that nobody else leads because you're doing things that nobody else is doing, I promise you, if you just sacrifice for a year to three years, you will massively have a completely different life sooner than you even realize. It's crazy how fast it actually happens, isn't it? When you truly get focused and you commit.

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Yeah, it really is. And back to the original question. Do we stick to a strict daily schedule? We really do. And this doesn't mean it's strict, like right down to the same hour every single time, but we end our day every single day, you know, because we both work out of the house here, but in separate office on a three mile dog walk to reconnect. Again, like that's the physical marker or the physical timeout to separate our work day and being work partners from then our evening and being romantic partners. And you have to have those daily traditions, I would call them. So do we stick to a strict daily schedule? I would say we stick to strict daily habits. That's how I would rephrase it. And that's what I would recommend.

Everybody for sure. So you guys, even if you, even if you have kids or something like that, maybe setting a timer where you guys just go and you play for 20 or 30 minutes, like we actually do that with our dog and stuff just to make sure that we're connecting. Otherwise it's way too easy. The world will completely pull you, pull you apart and so will the schedule. So. All right. Becca asks, how do you continue to persevere when cards are stacked against you?

Okay, well, you know, sometimes you and I have very different answers on things. Here's my answer. Stop viewing life as the cards are stacked against you. And this is not a reflection of the person that asked the question. This is to everybody. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's when people focus on the hurdles instead of focusing on what assets they have to maybe get around or get over those hurdles. And we're all guilty of it. It's almost like it's our default mode, unfortunately. But those that can master the mind, you know, simply shift your perspective from, here's what I don't have to. Here's what I have going in my favor that will radically accelerate any type of situation that you feel like you're, quote, stuck in or if the cards are stacked against you.

Oh, man, I couldn't. I literally can't say that better myself. There's been so many times when we have. Have felt this way and we speak about it out loud. We say, this is where I'm at. This is where I need to get to. This is how I'm either going to handle it or what I need help with. I think calling it out and saying where you're really at can help, I think, just saying in processing it honestly right now, I feel this way slightly just because I just pulled my back and I have a lot of physical things I need to get done, and I can't really move right now. So it's easy for me to go to a really overwhelmed, frustrated, upset place. But Chris keeps on reminding me and I keep on reminding myself how many great things there are and how beautiful it is to. I don't know, maybe. Maybe something great is coming out of it. I'm getting a lot of different work done. I'm getting a lot of rest time done. So really trying to focus on, like you said, the great things that you have and realizing that life can really be happening for you at all times. And when you view it that way, it's amazing how different things can shift. All right, so Lisa asks Chris, were you always fit when you met Lori? How do you get your loved ones on board with fitness?

Okay, I love this question. Well, I guess fit is a very subjective term. I was 30 pounds heavier, and I was always into working out, but I had, like, that body where you work out a lot but you don't eat. Right. Right. So some would say maybe I was somewhat fit, and others would say I wasn't fit at all. Maybe stuck in the middle. I definitely didn't feel as good as I feel now. Let me phrase it that way. And, you know, the real question here, I think, is how do you get your loved one on board with. With fitness? Lori? Led by example, especially when it came to eating, I had no problem getting in the gym. Matter of fact, we, you know, like we said earlier, we met in the gym and we'd be there every day. My problem was eating. Like, I had to change my reward system and my comfort system.

Corn dogs.

Yeah, from corn dogs to, you know, salads that I absolutely love. And if some of you are cringing right now, like, ew, I'm not giving up my this or I'm not giving up my that. For salads, at the end of the day, it's your responsibility to find a version of a salad. And I'm using salad figuratively. Now it's up to you to find your version of a salad that will excite you, that you will look forward to because you either want to change for the better or you don't. But with your partner to this question, with your partner leading by example, sooner or later, the partner who's sitting back watching is going to rise to the occasion or once again, not to revisit this theme from earlier or they're totally going to drop out of the picture. And in most cases, if you're setting the example, they're gonna rise to the occasion.

And conversations, right? I mean, we probably had a million conversations that weren't like, nagging, but just about, like, how you feel or figuring out what you really want or more energy or whatever it is.

I remember so many conversations where I'm just like thinking out loud now. You'd be like, if you order that, you know how you're gonna feel tomorrow, you'd kind of paint. And I actually hated you in the minute that you were saying it. You really did. No, I know. Nothing would, like, upset me more.

Your face would say it, but you.

Were correct because it would make me stop, pause, think about what I'm gonna feel like tomorrow. And then I would reluctantly order something that made me feel better the next day. And the funny thing is, by the time you're done eating it, you know, you're just as satiated and you feel fine anyways. But it's that little spur of the moment decision when somebody, AKA your partner at least is willing to step up and just remind you, hey, how do you want to feel tomorrow? You get to make your choice. Little things like that are not nagging. Little things like that are great timeouts to help your partner make a better choice.

And I think this just. Did this just happen yesterday with popcorn, which is cool. I mean, you honestly, you can eat whatever you want whenever you want. But I think it's when you know your partner has a goal, if they've expressed that to you, that's when you have a little bit more leeway than if they did not express that to you. But that's also what honestly, conversations will bring for you. So if you really ask them, you know, what are your goals? How can I support you? How can I support your goals? So that when Chris says, do I want the popcorn or do I just want to bring like a healthier snack? And I say, well, I know your goals, so I want to support you. How about we just throw these snacks? And how are you going to feel if you have the popcorn?

And what did I say to you when I left the movie?

You're like, I am so grateful that we brought those snacks because I feel so much better right now.

Yeah, exactly. So open, honest communication and not being afraid to, number one, lead by example. Number two, call your partner out in a loving way, saying, I don't care what you order, but how do you.

Want to Feel tomorrow and honestly not rubbing it in their face the next day. So if they're like, I feel like crap, if they're already beating themselves up like, why did I do that? Just be like, hey, is it okay if I remind you again next time? Just the same way that I did? But don't rub it in their face like I told you, you're gonna feel like crap. It just makes them feel even worse. And that's not a great, you know, response for them to respond differently next time. In fact, they could do the opposite because they're annoyed by you. Okay, so Angelica asks, how do you keep the fire alive? Bomb chicka.

Wow.

Actually, I don't know what this is totally about, but the fire alive, well, I think just like staying super connected in every way. And I think that comes from loving yourself, developing yourself, remaining interesting to yourself, doing the things that you want to do and that are calling to your soul. Because in that way you're going to be outputting so much confidence and naturally the other person's going to be attracted to that and you're going to be more interesting. But making time for them and really making them also feel important and verbalizing it, maybe figuring out their love language, Is it physical touch? Is it gifts? Is it acts of service? Is it words of affirmation? And really focusing in on that, making sure you do that every day.

I would say be more of what you want in your relationship. So you know, if you want a more physical relationship, be more physical. If you want a more interesting relationship, be more interesting. Like take it on yourself to be more interesting. Go more interesting places as a couple, learn more interesting things as an individual. Whatever you want more of in your relationship, start giving more of that yourself. And that'll naturally invite it in a relationship, therefore keeping it more interesting.

Holy crap, that was amazing. Amazing advice. So literally that that was probably like the biggest takeaway. Even just having an aha moment for me is just be more of exactly what you want. And sometimes it's going to feel like you are a hundred percent giving while the other one is not. It might feel that way. Sometimes in your relationship, you know, whether it's you want them to come on board for personal development or whether you want them to be more interesting. You're going to have to give 100 for a long period of time before you may even see shifts. But just remember, this is as much for you as it is for them.

Yeah, consistency, you can't be more interesting or you can't be more physical. Once have it not work out and be like, oh, see, I tried. No, that's not trying. Trying is a consistent effort over time.

Oh, yeah. Amen. Okay, so Sarah says, since you are both physically motivated, do you have days where you don't want to work out? If you do, how do you motivate yourself or your significant other? Oh, my.

Yeah, all the time right now. Like, how many times do I not want to work out? And you get me out the door and we have a great workout because you got me out the door, or vice versa.

It's a daily thing. There's not one day that I can really remember where we spring out of bed, like, yeah, I can't wait to work out. Like, we know what it does for us, and we. We just have an agreement. Like, we're working out. There's no question about it. So if you want to or not, it doesn't matter. It's how long do you want to stay in the resistance of, you know, of not wanting to work out? Because sometimes being at home before your workout, not wanting to work out is even worse than the workout. So really the question is, like, how fast do you want to get over the resistance of not wanting to work out? And how quick can we get into how lucky we are to go work out? Like, let me tell you right now, coming from a place of not being able to work out, how much more is, like, blessed we are to be able to move our bodies and how I'm going to use this to remember.

Here'S my view on it. What you don't schedule won't happen, let's be honest. Especially when it's something like working out. So tomorrow I know that I have hired my trainer, Chris, at 9:00am Am I going to feel like going at 9:00am? Absolutely not. But because I have the appointment and because I'll lose my money if I don't show up for it because the appointment is already prepaid, then that gets me there. And once I get there, 10 minutes into it, I always feel like a million bucks. So you have to schedule it in. So if that means you need to hire a trainer, then that's what you need to do. If that means you need an online program, like Lori's online body and soul program, so that you have a tribe of women, then that's what you need to do. If you just know that you need an accountability partner, then that's what you need to do. But that which does not get scheduled is not gonna happen.

So true. And you know, even if you don't have a trainer. Like, on Mondays, I book a class. So. And before I booked a class, I would literally just put it out on Facebook. Like, I'm going to the gym at 9am and I don't want to go. Everyone please tell me who's going to the gym. And I, you know, by the time I got ready and would come back, you have a bunch of comments like, just go, or I just went. It was amazing. You're gonna be be so grateful. Like, there's so many ways to hold yourself accountable. And honestly, the resistance of not working out and the guilt that you carry all day and the lack of energy. I mean, I'm really good at skipping ahead to the future. And let me tell you, if you guys can master the pain of what it. It really feels like to not work out and, and capture it all and think about it, you're going to want to work out.

We just did this last weekend, Remember, we're in San Antonio, and we knew that when we Landed at like 11am on Sunday, we were not gonna feel like working out because we had to get up at what, 5am for that flight.

Yeah, that was.

Ugh. I'm not a morning person. Right. So we had to get up at 5am for that morning flight. And we knew we were gonna miss a workout that day unless we had something scheduled in stone. So we booked soul cycle classes for 12:30, knowing that when we got off that airplane, by the time we got home, dropped off our bags, we had to rush out the door and do them. Had they not been scheduled, we would have lounged around all day.

And, you know, whether that was a walk or a class or whatever it was, just really talk about it, make sure it is set in stone. And what else that did was it also kept us from ordering Bloody Mary's.

Yep.

Eating a bunch of airplane food.

Totally. It was inside feel like garbage. And I would, you know, in the class if I would have ordered that stuff. So actually, just having that class booked, it solved a lot of problems.

Yeah, it's a huge cycle, you guys, that you just follow, so. Okay. Lane asks. My husband and I keep coming back to the same fight. When we fight about any topic, it always circles back around. We've been together for almost 10 years. How do we get past the same fight over and over and break the pattern? Well, you can't keep having the same fight if you are growing as a person and if you are reacting differently. So if you're getting the same exact outcome over and over, you guys, how are you both reacting. So, you know, if Chris and I had had the same fight before, over and over, which I'm pretty sure we did, I was trying to pinpoint something back in our past. It's because I was reacting the same exact way. So if I want Chris to react differently, the only power that I have, right. The only thing that I can change is my reaction. So perhaps look at yourself. Even if it's something that they're doing, look at a way that you could come about it a little bit differently. Is there something that you could communicate more? Is there something that you could do and just show up in a different way? Is there more love that you could put into the situation? Is there something that you're not not seeing, like what is actually going on there? That the way that you're showing up and reacting is triggering the same exact response. So try showing up in a different way. And like we had talked about before, be really consistent with it. Like, try to show up as a new person in a new way and see how the new response comes from this person. So if you're not adding fuel to the fire, they really cannot continue on with this fight. So the pattern can technically be broken immediately if you are not adding fuel to the fire. So dependent upon what it is, see what you can control and control that. Otherwise, if you're trying to control something uncontrollable, that's not gonna. It's gonna be this continued downward spiral. So. All right. Caitlin asks, do you run into too much time together because we work together and we're at home, our businesses travel, etc.

Yes, totally, we do. And, you know, to help.

You said that really fast.

Well, it's the truth, right? When you love spending time together and when you have a couple of businesses together and you work out a home together, you absolutely end up spending too much time together. And so you have to plan in separate individual adventures in order to make sure that you have separate enough days so that you are interesting to each other. So I'm constantly now, over the past couple years, since I've kind of woken up and realized, wait a minute, you know, I need my own life, too. I'll go book lunches with my guy friends or, you know, evening dinners with my guy friends, and once in a while, book separate guys trips and that kind of thing, doing something fun that we love to do so that I still have my own time and I get to bring back my own stories and be interesting.

I love that. And, you know, at the end of the day, he is my number one and he is my everything in my life really does. It's just like it really revolves around our relationship because you are the most important thing to me. And knowing that is that he can't be my everything. As contradictory as that is. It's like while he's number one in my life, he can't be everything to me and everyone to me. That is way too much for me to expect and that's way too many expectations on one human being. So I need to make sure that I have have people in my life who I can go to when I want to analyze the crap out of personal development or something that someone said so I can process it and get over it. Like, he may not be that person who wants to do that with me. Like, I need some girlfriends to really have these soul conversations with and talk about things that he may not be interested in and allow him to go and have conversations with guys about, you know, whatever he wants, whether it's cars or sports or business or their relationships or his relationship with me. Like, you need a safe place to be able to go and talk about things and process things, even if it's your spouse to make sure that you have those circles. So what I'll say is that it's so vital to have other friends, but make sure that those people are supportive of your dreams and your relationship. And that's really the key to lasting relationships. All right, so Petra asks, what do you feel like you've figured out as a couple that you feel others don't know?

Oh boy, that's a good question. You know, I don't think that we figured anything out that others don't know. Here's one thing I think that we do that maybe others don't do. That is we are really consistent. We are consistent with our self development. We are consistent with making good choices. Not all the time, but, you know, for the most part we are consistent when it comes to if there's a problem putting it on the table and talking about it. So we're just, we're really consistent instead of being all over the place.

I think that's so true. I think we're really good with, you know, because we've done so much self development is. Whenever I want to point the finger, I'm like, why is this triggering me? Like what is going on in me right now? And also understanding that my end, the main thing that I really want at the end of the day is peace. So if I am trying to be right, it is probably going to end in war. Because, you know, one person technically has to. Doesn't matter if it's him or me, has to kind of give in a situation and say sorry first. So one of you or both of you has to be willing to do that at some point. And also, communication has been huge for us. Like, communicating has been massive. Just saying how we feel or like, when we speak to each other. Because I think if we're going to fail on anything right now, it would be maybe how we, you know, can be really quick with each other or talk to each other and say, you know, right. Right now, one way that we're getting around that, maybe if we're snappy with each other because we do work together, it's easy to snap or to disregard someone's opinion of how they're feeling because we just want to get straight to the point or cut to the chase when we forget, oh, we're married, we can't really talk to each other that way and still have these amazing feelings at the end of the day. So. So I think the big thing is communicating. Hey, when you said that, it made me feel this way. I would be better communicated with, like, this next time and not dragging it out, right? Because I can be the queen of dragging things out. So knowing that you got the point, communicating that you got the point, and just really being open, you know, I.

Realized this really funny thing once a few years back. I realized it's actually easier to get over fights when. When you're married than it is when you're dating. And here's why. Here's my weird theory on this. When you're dating and you're fighting, you have the option of breaking up, right? So maybe it's going to go that direction. Maybe it's not. When you're dating and you're fighting, you have the option of going home to your place and your significant other goes home to their place, and you can really drag it out and you can be just fine doing your own thing for a couple of days. When you're married, you don't have those options. You're not just going to break up over a fight. And, you know, you certainly can't go back to your own place. So you're really just prolonging the pain. You know, you're making your own life more miserable by prolonging the fight. So you actually have a vested interest in just cutting the shit and trying to get over it yourself that much quicker, even if it means setting your ego aside because you don't have those Options once you're married. Therefore, it actually encourages you to get over it quicker once you're married.

I love that. So, Chris, that was our final question, but I just want to ask you, what would you say to people? Because we've been talking about couples, right? So what would you say to a couple who really, they both have an idea, they both have somewhat of a clue of what they want to do, but don't really know how to best support each other? What would you say to both of them?

They want to best support each other. They don't know how to ask. Honesty is the best policy. I mean, I mean, listen, guys, at the end of the day, it's like this. I think that we try to add too many layers to things. I think we try to get too fancy with things. I think we try to analyze stuff too much. If people would just adopt the policy of honesty is the best policy and say what's on their mind and ask the questions they want to ask. And if you want to support somebody but you don't know how to, just say so. You know, Lori, you want to achieve X, Y and Z? I've got no idea how I can help you. What can I do? If we would just keep life more simple, then we would have a lot more happy and productive moments, in my humble opinion.

I love that. All right, you guys, thank you so much for being on. I would love if you would shoot us more questions because Chris and I are going to do more of these. So shoot me questions to loriharder.com and make sure you stay in touch with me on Instagram, on Facebook, wherever, because I love your feedback. So please let us know what came up for you, how you're feeling about this, what you loved about it, and until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.