101 How To Make Friends With Your FEAR

Foreign. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear. Clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it is time for another quickie because there is always time to fit in inspiration and I just want to say thank you every single week for you guys tuning in and I would love if you would leave a review and a five star rating and also reach out to me on Instagram or on Facebook. I find a lot of you via Instagram at lo Lori Harder just writing comments on different podcasts or different photos letting me know what episodes you've loved, what guests have you loved, what questions do you have? Because I really want to be speaking directly to you guys and exactly what you want. So if you would rate and review, leave a comment, let us know what you think. Share with your friends. That's how we get amazing people on here because I really want to bring on the most incredible people who've had awesome experiences so that you can take away what whatever you need on your journey. So you guys, I am having a really inspired couple of days, but I want to tell you that it's coming off of probably the most challenging week I've had in a really long time because I threw my back out right before I was about to record a bunch of workout videos for my workout tribe. So on my body and soul 60 day challengers that you can also join monthly. But right before I was about to film four workouts in a row. Yes, I do this all in one day. I don't know why I do it. I was moving a couch and I completely pulled my back out to the point where I could not even walk for like three days. So to a person who relies a lot on physicality to not only for my career, but also I rely on it so much for feeling good. I had to figure out new ways of feeling good. And to be really honest with you, I was really angry for like three days. I was stressed, I was upset, I was asking why this happened, and through giving up the resistance and through complete surrender, because I had no other choice. I really heard a lot of messages starting yesterday and today. So I'm feeling really inspired, and I want to be here to remind you of the contrast, right? Without the darkness, without the pain, we don't get to truly understand the light and the gift and enjoy it. So everything is good. Everything. Everything just is. That's what I'm trying to say. Nothing is good or bad. It just is. And it complements each other. It's the yin and the yang. It's the light and the dark. It's the ebb and the flow. And the more that we can enjoy the equanimity, right? Just the is of everything, the beingness, the sitting in it, the seeing how everything complements each other. And without it, there would be nothing. It would just be nothing. There would be no good, there would be no bad, there would be no light. It would just be. Because there'd be zero contrast. So in order to fully grow, fully evolve, fully understand our stories and our journeys, all is welcome, right? And it's the resistance where we feel pain. So I just started writing today randomly. I was like, what do I want to talk to everybody about? And I just started letting my pen flow. And what came up for me was how fear can be a gift in trying to figure out what our real message is, right? What's the real message that we're all feeling called to, that we're all feeling that we want to get out. And I know a lot of people are probably listening to this podcast or thinking, how can I possibly share my gift or my voice or what I think I want to share when I'm so fearful around public speaking, or when I'm so scared of being in front of people, or when I feel so bad when attention get gets drawn to me, or when I'm afraid of other people's opinions, which, if you guys watched my Facebook live last week, I was talking about opo, saying, are you down with opo? Other people's opinions? No, right? Other people's opinions block out the only opinion that matters, and that is source, power, God, Buddha, whatever you believe in. So when we get caught up in this, right, this is when we really block out the entire purpose of our being. So how can I possibly share my voice and my gift, right? Or share my art when these are the things I'm afraid of? So for you, maybe when you think of speaking in front of people, and maybe that's the delivery method, of which you would like to get your voice across. You worry, or maybe you have this incredible message, but you are fearful around writing, or you've never written a book and you have no idea how to do it. Or maybe you don't have the education around writing and you're like, why do I feel like this is my gift yet this is my biggest fear, right? So I want to share why. I want to share why. It's because it's not the thing, it's not the art. It's not necessarily even your voice, right? The beautiful messages on getting to the carrot that we desire, right? Speaking our truth, sharing our message, showing our art, sharing our book. The way through is the gift and the message. The way through is the gift and the message. So you get those carrots, you get those goals, you have those dreams. And it's not because of you sharing the dream at the end. It's you sharing how you got from where you are now to where you're going or where you desire to go. And that's simply planted there so that you can share the journey with people. How did you feel? How did you get through the fear? How did you do it when you felt like you weren't smart enough? How did you do it when you had these people telling you that you couldn't, or you came from a family that's, you know, never done anything close to this or told you that you were worthless or didn't believe in you and you had no one and had no resources? How did you do it the way through? That is your message. It's little. It's small. It's tiny shifts and choices that you make every single day. So it's not, here I am. Here's what I do. It's. Here's how I did it, you guys. It's so simple and so profound, but it's. Here's how I did it, right? So your job is to literally continue on with those fears, to walk side by side, hand in hand with that fear. Through, through, through. There's a quote that talks about, how do you. How do you get from the beginning to the end? And it's by going through, right? You have to go all the way through to the end. So we're being called, and our feelings are our map. We're being called. I know that you feel it. I know that if you have two ears, and maybe you don't have two ears, I know that if you can and you are sitting here listening and you've tuned into this podcast number one You've already been called and you've already answered. So congratulate yourself for showing up and seeking out the teachers, because even going to itunes and seeking this out or stitcher or whatever you're listening on is seeking. So you're already doing the biggest part of it, seeking and finding the teachers, right? So you are being called and you are answering. And the way that you are going to be guided is through your feelings, and those are your map. So fear is your guide. Guide. And love is your path. So if fear is holding your hand, your path is love, and it is supporting you. It is all around you. It's that thing you're going to follow, right? But fear is going to be holding your hand through it. So I want to talk about fear and pain, though, because fear and pain are very different. So what came through my pen, I just didn't stop writing. So I'm going to read to you what came through for me this morning. Fear and pain are very different. Pain is denial of what we know. Pain is denial of who we are. Pain is denial of our message. Pain is denial of our highest calling into who we're supposed to be. And fear is the shedding of the pain and of the who we are now in order to become the who we know we're supposed to be. So fear is the first step in acknowledgement of the growth that we are moving into the person that we are being called to. So it's ever present in our journey. Sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. Sometimes it goes away for a while. Sometimes we find that we've really managed it. And then sometimes when we decide that it's another time for big growth, which is a huge part of our life, right? If we're not growing, we're regressing. So sometimes it can come back in full effect. And I'll tell you that fear and anxiety has come back for me in a bigger way than I would like at this point in my life as a surprise. Over the last couple months, I've been noticing I'm getting some anxiety attacks when they are least welcome. And I will tell you, I know it's because I'm stepping into the next level, that next place where I'm shedding, right? I'm shedding who I am now into who I'm going to become in order to do what I'm taking on next. So it is ever present in our journey, and it's developing a healthy with that fear. So instead of me sitting in resistance like I used to and why is this happening? This is going to stop me. This is going to freak me out and happen when it's. When I, you know, maybe I'm in front of a ton of people. I'm acknowledging it. I'm saying, okay, I see you. I know why you're here. I know you're telling me I'm moving into a new phase. I know you're telling me there's some stuff that I need to deal with before I can become this person. I know you're bringing up a lot. Hey, I see you. I thank you. I'm grateful for you. I'm gonna figure out why you're here and how I'm going to deal with you this time. Because it's typically not always the same at all. In fact, it's probably totally different in order to make you grow and expand in a new way. So developing a healthy relationship with that fear. Talk to it. See what happens when you call it out. So this is another way people are like, okay, I get it. I call out my fear, whatever. But for me, something that's been really big, like, I just did it right now on this podcast. I totally called it out. I have a fear. I've been getting revisited by anxiety. I just told, you know, maybe 300,000 people, and literally, it makes me feel so much better. So even if I'm speaking and I start to feel it, right? So maybe you guys are gonna start some small speaking events or have a women's dinner or men's dinner or whatever, where you wanna lead it. You wanna get people together to talk about some amazing topics, but you're really nervous to even do this. Like, show up in these very first layers of leading. Call it out, say, hey, I've been wanting to do this for a long time. I have some anxiety and fear around it. But here's what I would love. Here's what I picture. Here's what I'm gonna show up and do. So is I call it out. I call out everything possible. I call out every possible scenario. I allow myself to fail in public and expect it. I don't necessarily expect it to the point where I want to set that expectation up, but I basically say, if this happens, that's cool. Like, this is how I feel. I'm human. So that I don't have this basically idea of perfection that I have to live up to. And a lot of times when I do that, people show up in that same way. They say, you know, I would love to do this. Makes me a little bit nervous. But this sounds amazing. So they call out their fear too, which invites this beautiful sacred space of hey, here we are. We're not perfect, we're calling it out. But we would like to show up as the most human versions of our human selves, right? So call it out. You're a human, nobody expects you to be perfect. I think it's so beautiful when we can relate to people quickly at a human level so that we can actually hear the message instead of not being able to hear it. Because all we can hear in our head is, I'll never be able to do that. This is great information. I feel super motivated and rah rah. But I'll never be able to do that because it's just too perfect, right? Whereas when we're not perfect, when we hear the failures, when we hear the screw ups, when we hear what they're nervous about, we say, oh wait, you're scared right now. Or you're scared too. Okay, I could do this scared. I could do this scared. I could show up like this and tell people how I feel. So see what happens when you call it out. Acknowledge it for yourself, acknowledge it in front of people and ask for help.

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Hey, guys. You know, I really want to start doing this public speaking thing, but I'm really freaked out. What are some things that you did? Or can I gather a group together where I can just start practicing it? Or, you know, something like that where you're creating these little references for your life so that maybe you start in a small group of safety and you're like, okay, I did that. That was cool. That was actually really fun. Like, I found that I was really thriving speaking in front of people. And I really tapped into.

I felt.

I really am. And that excitement, that feeling of being tapped in, that little glimpse of, wow, this is what I'm meant to do. Even if it wasn't. A safe circle is enough to get you through the next one and the next one and then the bigger one and the bigger one. So you guys just like all energy, pain and fear is just feedback or just like all feelings, right? It's just feedback. But again, it is an energy that you're experiencing in a feeling. And they don't like to get stuck, so don't get stuck in them. Don't make fear and pain your home. Understand that you need to start doing things, to move through them. Whether that's acknowledging them, whether that's creating things for you to show up and experience. Because I'm reading this really amazing book right now, Conversations with God. I absolutely love it and highly suggest it. And it talks all about how we basically are already the people that we desire to be. Our souls just have to experience in order to become. So start creating the experiences that would help you become. And that is the human experience. Because technically, we're already that person. It's that knowing, right? It's that knowing. So when we deny the knowing, that's when we feel pain. When we acknowledge it and create experiences around it, that's when we. We free our soul and become our highest selves. When we just feel that place where we are totally in love with life, we are in bliss. We are moving through these different feelings into the next. That's when we feel happiest. So, you guys, thank you so much for being on here and thank you so much for tuning in every single week. I can't even tell you what it means to me to have you guys sharing this with people and having the breakthroughs right alongside of me. It's been one of the coolest and best experiences of my life being able to talk to you on this podcast and getting your feedback. So let me know. Let me know what you think, send me your questions, let me know your topics. And until next time, you guys, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye. It.