148: What Are You Relying On To Be HAPPY

Foreign. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it is time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I have the most exciting announcement, my annual event, the Bliss Project. The tickets are going to be up for grabs starting next week. So you guys watch for that announcement because it sells out every single year in two to three weeks. And if you are in my inner circle or in our tribe, whether you are on my body and soul program or whether you are in my bliss habit programs, you know that you have gotten your email all about your first dibs on the ticket. So you guys, that is accessible for you now. And for those of you who are not in the programs, you know that you can get those starting next week. So stay tuned. And this is three days of complete up leveling. It is time to create the life that you love and accelerate it. And that's what you're going to do in these three days. It is completely experiential, it is fun, it is out of the box, it gets you out of your comfort zone and into the life that you want to be living on top of meeting your tribe and just having a blast. So go to theblissproject.info now to go and check out exactly what it is. Sign up on the newsletter, go to my site or just stay tuned because I will have the link in my future podcasts as well. So you know that tickets are going to be@theblissproject.info as soon as they go up next week. So I hope I get to see you there. And today's quickie is all about happiness, which is something I talk so much about at the Bliss Project. And the thing about happiness that I want to talk about today, it's not just what is making you happy because of course that's important to explore exactly what makes you happy, but what I want to Ask you is, are you waiting for something or relying on someone to be happy? So this is really huge, and this is not always easy to look at because there's a lot of times that maybe we are relying on our spouse, or we're relying on our best friend, or we're relying on our job, or we're relying on that goal or whatever that thing is that we think is finally going to make us happy. The thing about happiness, the really crazy, sticky, tricky thing about happiness, it's the greatest and worst thing combined is that happiness is a choice in each moment. And truly, that thing that we are waiting on is not going to make you any happier for the long term than you are right now. So the happiness that you are feeling right now is basically the ultimate happiness that you're going to feel unless you start choosing other otherwise with some peaks and valleys in there. So what I mean by that is your happiness level kind of ends up averaging out at where you're at right now until you start choosing to be happy all of the time. Now, don't get me wrong, you're not going to be happy all of the time. And of course, if certain things happen, I want you to feel them. I don't want you to skip over the feeling of, you know, maybe something terrible happened or maybe something not so awesome happened. And it's important to feel those things. But it's also important to start becoming really, really grateful and experience deep gratitude for the little things. So what are the things that you're so grateful for that make you happy right now? So there's a quote that talks all about, people are only as happy as they make their mind up to be. So in the morning, when you wake up, that's it. What are you choosing? How are you going to choose to see your day? Because really, in the morning, it's almost like we are so impressionable. We are looking for anything and everything to tell us how we should feel that day. So if you're looking on social media or if you're reading text messages that don't make you very happy, that's kind of what you're choosing for the rest of the day. Like you're looking for something maybe that's not so great. Especially if your default mood right now might be be being grouchy in the morning, or your default mood is to be negative, or your default mood is to feel blah. And when I say default mood, I mean the one that is easiest for you right now to choose. Now, when I say that it doesn't mean that you're a bad person if you're like that doesn't. That's not right. My life just sucks right now. Well, there might be sucky things in your life, but it doesn't suck, right? So if you start looking at the good things, then you could tell a different story. Because whenever I meet somebody who has what seems to be this beautiful life and who is obsessed with their life and who seems super happy when I really get to know them, they have just as many low points and just as many not so awesome things and just as many people saying not so nice things, especially the more successful that they get. But they just choose to not focus on it and they choose to wake up happy every day and focus on the fact that they feel good. But what happens is that we tend to look at our day and see what's missing or we tend to look at our spouse and say why didn't they compliment me on my new hair or my new outfit? Or why doesn't my husband or wife surprise me more with these surprise dinners or gifts? Or this is what they're doing wrong and this is why I'm not happy. Or why is my best friend not texting me? Or what's going on with this person? Do they not like me? And that loop is playing over and over and over and you're relying on them to feel happy or do something in order for you to feel complete. So some people are waiting for an apology to be happy and to feel complete. Or some people are waiting for a new best friend who's like minded to feel complete. Or some people are waiting for that dream job or that thing to finally happen or that book deal or to be in that inner circle to finally feel happy and complete. And I will tell you that we can't even attract those things until we feel happy and complete without them. So there are days where I'm not happy with myself because maybe I haven't done my morning rituals or the things that I need to do. Or maybe my self love and my self talk is not going so well in my mind or maybe I'm not taking care of my body or maybe I'm not sleeping as much. And let me tell you, this is when it becomes really easy for me to start wanting to blame my husband or my friends or my family or rely on them for my happiness. Almost like okay, well Chris, my husband, what are you going to do to make me happy? Or why aren't we going on a date? Or what are, what are we doing after this or are we going to walk tonight? Or I get mad if. If there's not things planned in because it's almost like it's the easiest default to blame him for me not feeling happy. And we do this to the people closest to us. So who are you doing it to right now? Who are you waiting on? Who Are you expecting to show up more in a different way or to apologize or to close that loop or to make you feel complete? Because the only person who can make you feel complete is you. You have to start telling yourself the completion story of wow, okay, that happened. But how can I complete this story on my own with no one else, with no one else saying anything or doing anything? Even if I never got that thing or that person never said that thing that I thought I needed, how do I complete this story in a way that makes me feel happy? Okay. So a lot of times for me it's just, okay, this happened. Maybe I didn't get the outcome that I wanted, but wow, I learned this lesson, or wow, I really learned that I don't need somebody to complete me because I'm just going to release it. It is a perfect lesson in forgiveness. It's a perfect lesson in letting go. It's a perfect lesson in releasing and not needing someone for my happiness. And this is something you're going to have to do every single day. It's like when that thought comes up of why didn't they say that? Or why aren't they doing that thing that I want them to be doing? Or why isn't my husband coming along with me on my self development journey? Or why doesn't my best friend understand me? And until they do, I'm not gonna feel good. It has to be okay. That's their journey. That's okay. I can do that. I can move forward and it's okay to move forward without them. I can make other friends over here and I don't have to expect them to come with me, right? You can them be where they're at and still love them from that place. So releasing your expectation on thinking that they need to do something to make you happy and know that you have to create it somewhere else then. And don't hold that high expectation for people, for people that you meet. They don't have to be your best friends. They don't have to be everything to you. Your husband, your spouse, your partner does not have to be everything for you. They can just be who they are and you can fill in the gaps and you can choose to be happy. And instead fill yourself up in a way that you need. So what is it that you desire and that you could start thinking right now and get really grateful for to be happy instead of relying on someone else? Because taking massive responsibility for your happiness is probably the the best thing that you could ever do for your life. Because your happiness is what attracts amazing things and people. It also frees people, like people around you feel it. Your husband's gonna feel it, your wife is gonna feel it, your partner is gonna feel it. Your kids are gonna feel it. And they're gonna start responding differently to you because you're happy. You might get the outcome that you desire just from being happy.

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That you really scan your life for what it is that you're waiting on. For what it is that you might be relying on. And don't feel bad if you notice you've been relying on someone else. Don't judge yourself for rel someone else say heck yeah. Oh my God. This is what was keeping me in this mental prison. Now I can go and be free and figure out exactly how to make myself happy and complete that story in a way that makes me feel best right no matter what happened. So I hope this helps. Thank you guys so much for always being on here. The best thing that you could possibly do for me if you enjoy this podcast is to go, rate and review and share it. That is how I get incredible guests on here and that's how I can keep on coming up here every single week and making sure that I get a message out to you guys. So please go share, rate and review. You can do it on your computer and it means the world to me. I read all of the comments and I'm so, so grateful for you. So you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.