154: Be A Gossip KILLER

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Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it is time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I still have tickets available for my bliss project event, March 2nd through the 4th, 2018. I can't even believe it. This will be the sixth event that we've done and we will have around four to 500 women there. I can't even wait. That means I get to meet so many of you in person and we are going to have three days of the most beautiful epic tribe building weekend. So if you're ready to really uplevel your life, meet your tribe, have experiences that you have never had before, which means you are going to gain perspective that you've never had before, then you guys cannot miss this. So go to theblissproject.info there are women from all over the world. Last year we had eight different countries, tons of women come alone. So if you're like, I don't have a friend that I think can go come alone. We have over probably 60 to 70% of women come alone. And truly the ones that come alone say that they have an exceptional experience and they gained so much out of it because they got to have their own experience. You guys, I pray that you join us. That's the place where I really get to meet you and just spend some really good time together. It makes everything so tangible and you get to work through everything in person and right then and there. So it's at theblissproject.info and that link is in the show notes. And today I'm going to talk about something that we actually talk about at the Bliss Project. We spend a little bit of time on this every single year and it's just one of the topics that may be holding you back without even realizing it or may have affected you in a major way and that is gossip. And you Know, I have been deeply affected by gossip and I've definitely got the tools now to handle it, to deal with it, and also when I get tempted to partake in it. And the reason that this is coming up for me is because I recently heard some gossip about myself. And while it was really small and not meant to harm at all, it actually felt like I got punched in the guts. Now, the person who said these things still does not know that I know. And it's not a big deal. But at the same time, it brought me back to a place where I felt a lot of deep pain. And sometimes this gossip is so light. And so maybe it wasn't even meant to harm, but what it did was it made me look at the different places in my life where maybe I'm doing these little tiny things and have not realized it because immediately when I heard it, what it made me want to do was to gossip back, to dig in, to look for what's wrong. And I immediately remembered that doing that feels so crappy. And what came into my mind is, gossip blocks your blessings. It just does. Gossip blocks your blessings. So a few quotes that I absolutely love that I remembered is, gossip dies when it enters the ears of the wise. Gossip dies when it enters the ears of the wise. Let gossip die with you. Because words are truly life giving or they're death giving, right? So we live and die by what people say and also by what we say. So words carry so much energy. And I know that you've probably experienced this before, that if you've said something about someone you feel sick, you're like, why did I say that I feel sick? So awful. Now, I'm not saying that if things need to be talked through or talked about, that you can't ever say how you feel. But there's a difference between gossip and really talking through how you feel, right? So if you have somebody that you can talk to about something, maybe someone has said something about you, or maybe something's coming up, or maybe someone's driving you crazy, or maybe you have an issue with someone, find that person that you know is a safe zone for you and really start with the introduction of, hey, I need to talk this out. I don't want this to be considered gossip. I need to really verbalize this. I'm a verbal processor. I need to get this off my chest. And I also want to see if I can come up with a way to fix this or to cope with this or to deal with this. So you never leave it, you know, open ended. What you want to do is you want to figure out what you're going to do about it at the end, right? So. So in my situation, I ended up talking through it. I ended up asking my husband to go on a walk with me, to just verbalize everything about how I felt. And then I made the decision that for me it's not worth it to confront this person because number one, it's not a big deal and number two, I firmly don't believe it's going to change anything. And number three, I had already let it go. So if I was able to let it go and it didn't bother me and I know where that person stands for me, then I'm good with it. Like it's completely fine. It's not someone I'm really close to, so it's totally fine. I know that these things come out of this person's mouth all the time. It's not worth it to me. If it was worth it, I would absolutely confront that person and I have many times before in different situations like this. So if it's a close relationship, you absolutely should confront that person if you want to continue a close relationship with that person. Otherwise built up resentment is going to happen, right? So find that person that can hold the space for you in until you can come to a conclusion of what you want to do about it. But just talking about the person or badmouthing the person is actually going to leave you feeling like absolute shit, right? So find that person that can hold that space for you and can hold that clarity maybe and can really help you work to or work into a place where you feel really good about what you're going to do or what you're going to say or with letting it go if you can't come to a conclusion that night, maybe say, hey, can I call you tomorrow? Or I'm going to think on this and I'm going to let you know what I'm going to do, right? So if you're going to talk through it and you are going to talk about the person, make sure that you come to a conclusion that is peaceful, that is loving and always have the utmost, highest intention of finding what you, what you want to fix in the end, of finding something that's going to give you peace, of finding something that's going to let you be able to forgive or confront or work through it, right? The highest good, the highest intention. So just know that gossip blocks your blessings. So if you are doing it, go and make something right. If you've gossiped about somebody to someone, say, you know, the other day when I was talking about someone, I feel really bad because that might not all be true. That might be my perspective on it. That might not have been exactly how they said it. That might not have been a hundred percent what they said. They may not have even realized what they said because somewhere along the lines you are blocking a blessing for yourself or you're carrying some negative weight with you, right? You feel it and it's just a really bad place to be. And I have to tell you that when people talk about other people around me, especially if I realize that it's a habit, I'm pretty much scared of creating a relationship with that person because I know it's only a matter of time before they talk about me. So if you have a girlfriend or a group of girls or a group of friends or guys or whatever that is that are constantly talking about people, people, it's only a matter of time until you are going to be the center of that topic. So bring love to those circles. You can be the person that gossip dies with, and that is powerful. And it's not easy. You guys. I have been in so many circles where I'm like, oh, why didn't I stop that? Why didn't I help that person? Why didn't I help save that person's character? Why didn't I say speak up? So let's be the people that gossip dies with. Let's speak up, let's feel better, let's free ourselves, and let's use the safe spaces to process, to verbalize, to come to a conclusion, to come to a place of peace, to come to a place of power. Because you truly are going to gain your power back when you figure out what you're going to do and you start confronting things.

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You know, you guys, I'm writing my book right now. A Tribe Called Bliss is what it's called. And it's all about, you know, the new way of being the new girl code, the new building of tribes and how tribes crumble are from the inside, right? And it's going to happen through gossip. So if we have things to talk about, there's a way to do it. We can have these conversations, we can confront things. We can stop building the walls, we stop avoiding. This is why we don't want to Be friends with people. This is why we avoid women relationships. So be the person that starts a new ripple, right? Be the person that starts actually being okay with saying how you feel and knowing that in the end, it's better than gossiping and building a wall or building an untruth or saying things that are not real. I'm so passionate about this topic because it's such an easy thing for all of us to do. I've been guilty of it. I know everybody that I've ever met has been guilty of. And it's okay. We can forgive ourselves and we can let the gossip die here. Be a gossip killer. How awesome. What a great thing to be known for that whatever someone says to you is safe.

Within.

Whatever they say, right, Is safe with you. What a beautiful way to be known. All right, you guys, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I'm so grateful for you and I pray that you become a gossip gossip killer because it is just a beautiful, peaceful way of being. You never have to worry who you're around, what you've said. In fact, people want to be around you because they feel so good and feel so safe. And until next time, you guys, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.