156: Do People Ever DISAPPOINT You

Foreign.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it is time for another quickie because there is always time to fit in inspiration. And this episode is sponsored by my bliss habit E course. That is a 12 week e course that you get to do at your own pace from your own home, online, and it is@theblisshabit.com so if you want to be on the inside of the tribe discussing all of the different things that are holding you back from doing what you want and really creating the foundational practices that are going to take you to the next level, then you guys definitely go to theblisshabit.com right now. And couple of announcements. Well, one big announcement. My TED talk is finally out. It took me, I think it was about three months before the talk was out and it just came out this last week. So you guys, I am beyond thrilled to have you watch it. So obviously there's always a huge part of you that's like, oh my gosh. Because it's really nerve wracking, right? You pour your soul out there hoping that people feel the message and that it can really help people. So that is at lori harder.com forward/tedx t-e d x so loriharter.com forward/tedx and we'll put that in the show notes if you guys want to watch that talk right now. And it's about how to turn your struggles into your strengths along with a lot of my story growing up. So I hope that you love it and if, if you could do me a huge favor, I'm really trying to get this out to as many people as possible. If you could share it, if you love it with the people that you know need it or share it on your social media, that would rock my world. Okay, so today let's jump right in. I want to talk about expectation because my morning started talking about it and I actually Just wrote about it in my book as well. So it's kind of like I'm being swirled around right now with this topic of expectation. And the more that I talk about it, the more I realize that it really is the root of so much pain for people and pain for myself in the past. But I learned really quickly, and I'll tell you how I learned really quickly early on, that having really high expectations or expectations or plans for the way things should go is going to do nothing but let me down because I have an older sister. I actually talked to her this morning all about this, about expectations. She was saying, you know, I'm learning more and more in my life that people disappoint me. And it's not that they disappoint me. It's that my expectations are so high for them and I want everybody to be a certain way that I always get disappointed. Which keeps her, and we talked about it this morning, which keeps her from being really close to people. It keeps her from seeing the good in them. It keeps her from enjoying what they do have to offer. So what I was writing about in my book was the fact that people just play a role in your life. They're never going to be everything for you and especially your husband. And the second that we can let go of expectation on them, we totally let them off the hook and we free ourselves to enjoy them more. So you might have a friend that you're like, you know, I send her flowers, I do all of this for her, and she doesn't reciprocate. Well, your love language might be that you love to give gifts and you love to go over the top for people. And her love language may not be that at all. She may not love to give gifts. She may have trouble acknowledging people or, yeah, acknowledging the people that she loves in her life. But she might be that person that brings you on epic adventures. Like you experience things that you never thought possible or anything that you would ever do on your own. She pushes you past your fear. You know, something like that, where she shows up as that role in your life. So let her be the person who brings more adventure into your life and don't expect her to be the person who brings adventure, gives you gifts, and reciprocates on all of your love language. Do you see where I'm going with this? Let people show up in the roles that they are best at. So you might have that bestie who holds space for you, who you know is going to be there no matter what. But maybe she is not the person who is going to make you laugh really hard. Maybe you don't feel light and free with that person, Right? Maybe that's the person that you process with. So just look at your life and let go of all expectations on the way that you think an event is gonna go. The way that you think that someone should show up the way that they first showed up. Let's talk about that. So when we first meet people, we do this bizarre little handshake with each other. It's like a secret handshake by how we both show up. And what we kind of say during this first meeting is, hey, the person that you're meeting right now is the person that you're probably gonna hold me to being for the rest of this relationship. So first meet people. What do we do?

Do?

We're putting our best foot forward. We're usually at an event or we're at a wedding, or we're, you know, out in public where we're, we're dressed, we're ready, we're, we're on, you know, we're meeting people, we're trying to tap into really high energy. We're trying to entertain people. We're trying to tell people the highlights of our life. And then what happens is the second meeting is too much pressure, right? We feel like, well, I can't always show up as that person, or that person feels too much pressure to show up as how, you know, showed up. Like, oh, I didn't tell them. Well, I'm really imperfect in this area. Or I have trouble following through, or I have some trouble responding to emails. Like, we never say that the first time we meet someone. Can you imagine meeting someone and being like, oh, hi, I'm Lori, and you know, sometimes I have trouble getting back to my email. So if you email me, just know that it might be a little while. No, and it doesn't mean I don't want you to feel like you're not important. It just means I'm really busy and we're not saying these things. So the second meeting. Often what ends up happening for a lot of people is people are disappointed or they're let down, or they're scared to go back and let other people down. This is huge, you guys, is if we have really high expectations on people, we probably feel that people have high expectations on us. So what happens a lot is that we'll end up. If this is the case for you, you may end up isolating yourself all of the time because it's just too much pressure. On both ends of letting someone down or you being let down. So what this does is it it makes us lonely. It lets us lead really lonely, disappointed lives. And those people who are disappointed all the time are the people who have really high expectations and want to control everything that's going on in your life. And we know that that is just not possible. The only thing that you can control is how you feel. And truly, if you want real freedom, it's about mastering your mindset and letting go and forgiving and allowing people to show up exactly as the role that they are meant to play in this world. Release them from, free them and free yourself. Ultimately, with the holidays and the new.

Year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade and freshen up your environment. And there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than Blinds.com. blinds.com brings your space to life in your way. They have free design help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over a hundred design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit Whether you want to DIY have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast, you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure from blackout in motorized options to classic shutters. Blinds.com has window treatments for every room, style and budget, even shades for your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your chance to save big. And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become. You become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of Entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built into you can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side.

So instead of expecting, allow yourself to be surprised. Just really, really, really before that event or before meeting someone or before that phone call or before that new coffee date, just say, hey, you know what, I'm going in with zero expectation and anything else is a bonus. And see who this person is. See what their zone of genius is. See what g have to offer. See what role they have to fill in your life that you wouldn't typically have elsewhere. And don't hold them to anything. People feel it. When you don't have an expectation on people, they literally feel the freedom to show up as their authentic self. But when we put expectations on people, they're not going to show up as their authentic self. So we're really missing out on the juiciest, most delicious part of relationship. So free them energetically by lowering and releasing all expectation and allowing yourself to be surprised. So you guys, if you love this episode, make sure you share it. I hope that you check out my TED Talk. And thank you so much for just tuning in every single week because you, the listener, are the person who makes this podcast go. And I absolutely feel you and love all of your messages that I get on Instagram, email, everything, everything else. So until next time, you guys, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.