163: How to be a Highly Successful COUPLE with Chris Harder

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Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hey, guys. I'm so excited to have my husband back on today. Hi, honey.

Hello.

So we knew that we wanted to do another podcast because lately we've just been having a lot of people ask us questions all about our life and just how we work together and so many other things. I think just life questions between husbands and wives, but not just that, just how we live our life and what makes us happy and how do we juggle businesses. Especially now that Chris has really started his own podcast and really doing his own thing on top of our network marketing company and all of the coaching that he does with that, on top of supporting me with my business. So, you guys, I want to give you a little bit of a backstory on us and I'll have Chris weigh in on this as well. So if you have not listened to our last podcast, I will reference it in the show notes. Make sure you go there. You can also hear part of our backstory. But Chris and I actually met at a gym. I don't really know if people know that or not. I think I was 20 years old. I had just moved away from an apartment with a few roommates in Milwaukee, and I had moved back home because I had completely maxed out my credit cards. And I also was in a really not good situation in Milwaukee with a few of the girls that I was living with. And they just had some. Some things going on and inviting people over and making keys to our apartment. And I decided that I needed to move home and clean up my life. So I was back in Green B, in a place where I did not want to be. Not wanting to live with my parents and trying to pay off some debt to move back somewhere, anywhere but with my parents. And this is when I met Chris. So I was at the gym and the poor guy was like, this never happens, you guys. He was like the third guy to come up to me in the gym. Because this town is so small that it's like they can smell when a new female is in town.

So.

So they literally came up to me. Right before Chris came up to me, someone named Jake came up and it was tattooed on his arm. And he pointed at it and said, hi, my name is Jake, as he was pointing at his tattoo. And then he proceeded to ask if I wanted to go smoke weed with him and his girlfriend. So this is the person that came up right before Chris. And then Chris comes up.

So I was just a victim of poor timing is what you're saying, right? Yes. Which explains your reaction, because it was less of a coming up to you and more of a walking out in the parking lot at the same time and saying so innocently, hey, are you new here? And your response was, yup. And then you got right in your car and said, oh, I'm never talking to her again.

And I am normally so nice, But I was like, what is going on with this place? You can't even work out. This is insane. And I was just not. Not having it after Jake and the two other people. So anyway, Chris proceeded to be a gentleman every single time I would see him in the gym. And you know, he was just so kind, and it seemed like everybody loved him, that eventually we were at the water fountain together. Cause that's really magical place. And I said, you know what, what is your name? I didn't catch your name before. And we just kind of started talking there and doing cardio together. Then what?

You know, I wouldn't have done cardio without you, without you being there. That was my meathead days as lift or nothing. But no, I mean, you know, we hung out a little bit. What was it, a packer game? I actually got you to go to a packer game for the first time. We hung out and I. Well, I like to say I fell in love over a giant pizza that night. But I think it took you months and months and months to. Of me wearing you down to finally give in and actually realize, hey, maybe there's something here.

Well, yes, but I was in a really funky spot and just. I didn't have an attachment to the city, so I didn't want to have anything to do with it. And he just represented something that was there. So for me, it was just like, this guy's amazing. He's an incredible friend. And then eventually it was over a buffet because really love sharing all of this. We had gone out the night before, drinking with a bunch of his friends, and the next morning, we decided to go to a buffet, and I was sitting across from him, and all of a sudden, it was the weirdest thing. It was like lightning. I literally looked at him and it was completely different. It was like all of a sudden, he went from being a friend to, wow, this guy is everything that I have ever wanted. Like, he makes me laugh every single day. And just because it was in a different form than I thought it was going to be in. Because before Chris, I had dated more, like, people who were into snowboarding and skateboarding and artists and things like that. And Chris was very. He had his head on straight. He was very business savvy. He was just so good at everything he did in business and with numbers. And to me, that was such a. It was so far outside of the world that I was in that it just. That wasn't the package that I thought that my man was gonna show up in. So for me, it just took being around it for a while and letting go of that idea of who I thought I was supposed to be with and what I thought I liked, and really giving myself an opportunity to explore something new, which I didn't know I was doing. I just thought I was creating this great friendship with this guy, and all of a sudden, it became this perfect scenario in relationship. So I'm so glad that. Thank God you hung in there.

You know, it's funny, I just realized what a great metaphor. What a great lesson for anything. Not just relationships, right? Businesses, relationships, ideas, habits, whatever. To be more open and be less attached than we are to the things that we are so damn attached to. Because who knows what we're missing out on, right?

It's so true. Because, you know, I didn't know that you could. I mean, and I fell completely in love. It was like, I would have never, ever guessed that just by giving yourself that opportunity and creating that friendship for a while. Not saying, you know, if you don't have that spark in the beginning or attraction that you need to keep everybody around, but if there is somebody who's piquing your interest, you are having an amazing time together. Maybe you do. Maybe you just say it is a fun relationship and see where it goes, or you keep that person in your life because you never, ever know what could end up happening, things can truly change for you. So I'm so. I mean, honestly, I still to this day will say things like, I'm just so grateful. Like, I didn't know what I was doing, but thank God that we just kept hanging out together. I'd be missing out on the biggest, one of the biggest blessings in my entire life, life. So I'm so grateful for that.

Well, it's been a wild ride since, right? So what happened? I started getting a lot of promotions in corporate America and banking moved you from city to city to city. I'd literally drop you in a city and say, okay, go make friends and decorate this house. Right? And looking back, it was so unfair to you because it never gave you a chance to plant roots. It never gave you a chance to figure out what you wanted to do as a passion. But also looking back, timing is always perfect. Even when it doesn't feel like it, timing is always perfect. And I think that routine of, you know, pick you up, place you somewhere else, put you outside your comfort zone, and the minute you're finally considering getting comfortable, making you move again probably gave you just enough hunger. So that when we finally, when it all came crashing down. We'll talk about that in a minute. You were, you had enough pent up hunger where you're like, damn it. This time I, I'm going to do something that's meaningful and I'm going to do something with that has a lot.

Of contribution, you know, it totally did. And looking back, I also got a lot of great experience in really weird, random jobs. I worked at a coffee shop, I did makeup, I worked at a salon. And these were all things that I actually love to this day. Doing and knowing that I know how to do them. And even though it was challenging to make friends, get random odd jobs because, you know, it's like I had an identity crisis too. I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted to do moving around that much. But I always knew fitness was a foundation for me. So even though I'd be dropped into these cities and try to, you know, just try to figure it out while he would go off for long hours or long travels, I always had fitness as a foundation.

So the first thing that we would.

Actually do together is go find a gym. And every single day I would just make sure that I got my workout in or I would make sure I would go walk our dog. Because I knew when I would do that, I wouldn't feel too lonely or too craz. Like, as long as I could go get my workout in and have that foundation, it's almost as if, like things became more clear to me slowly. So I am super grateful for it. But at the same time I would look back and say, wow, you know, I'd be at these jobs that were totally unfulfilling to me. It's like I would do, I would just dominate the position and there would be nowhere to go. There'd be nothing left to do. So you know, a lot of I felt very, very unfulfilled to say the least, knowing that I had all of this pot that was just cooped up inside of me and I was not taking action. I remember you'd come home and I would just cry to you like I know I'm supposed to be doing this, but I have anxiety and I'm not good enough and I'm not college educated and I was homeschooled through high school and for a long time you comforted me but eventually you had, you just kind of gave it to me. Like you just said it honestly how you felt like, you know you have been talking about this forever and honestly you need to piss or get off the pot because you're not taking any action. And I can't hear hear about it anymore. Like you didn't know how to support me any more than you already were.

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I'd like to say that was me supporting you is me getting annoyed and literally saying, I'm so tired of the same story over and over again. Either do something or move on from this story that you keep crying over. And listen, people probably hear this and think, well, that's kind of jerky. But at the end of the day, you need to call your partner out if you know they have a larger calling. And instead of doing anything about that calling, they just keep doing the same old, same old, getting the same old, same old results. Because that's not good for you, it's not good for them, and it's certainly not going to be good for you guys as a couple.

And here's the thing, you guys, it's not just like, he called me out and I was like, okay, yeah, I'm going to go do something. I was so livid. I was pissed. I was angry. I basically probably said, I hate you or call them terrible names. I don't really know, because I just remember turning so red and feeling like he was the most awful person in the world. But in. In my heart of hearts, in that moment, I knew he was right. Because I was so sick of my own story. I was so overhearing myself and feeling bad for myself that I knew it was time. And I think majority of the anger was coming from a place of fear, of knowing that I had to take action or keep my mouth shut. So it was choosing suppression and being quiet and going on my merry way and being okay with not doing the things that I knew I'm here to do in this world or taking action, and that's a scary place to be. So after crying and freaking out, I was like, all right, what is. Like, what is my first step? I didn't even know what that looked like, and the pain of it was so overwhelming. But it was just one baby step of deciding to do a fitness competition or deciding to go to a fitness camp first. I didn't even decide to go to a fitness competition. That was way too scary. And that's what I did. I found one, and I booked a plane ticket. I'd never been on an airplane by myself. I booked a plane ticket all the way across the country to Boston and went to a fitness camp. And while I was there, I decided to book a date that I was gonna do my first fitness competition. And you guys, to me, this was like the ultimate fear, being on a stage, because I had panic attacks. I had massive anxiety. I had anxiety as well. And let me tell you that I knew that I would have to face all of those things going to this camp. I would have to face being in front of people, talking in front of people, and potentially eventually wearing a bikini and also getting in the best shape of my life. So it was like I was up against this massive wall, but I knew if I didn't do it, I'd end up in a padded room in a straight jacket somewhere, because that's how crazy I was starting to feel. My anxiety was getting out of control. So at that point. Point, that's when I really started getting into fitness and facing my fears one thing at a time. What did you feel like during that?

Honestly, I was excited because it was neat to see you do something that actually mattered to you and not just another job that was passing the time or another hobby that was passing it. Like, I could tell it was real for you. And by the way, the timing was divine, because I went from moving up through the ranks at a rapid pace at the bank, you know, promotion after promotion after promotion to all of a sudden the great Recession hit and it all came crashing down. And looking back, what divine timing, right? You finally found your passion, you're finally getting a little bit of momentum behind it. And I lose my job and we have to sell everything. We literally had to short sell our house. I like to joke that I made short selling cool before short selling was cool. Lost a rental property, got rid of all of our car. Like we got rid of everything and started over in this tiny apartment. And had you not been on that path of fitness, then you wouldn't have opened your tiny little one on one training studio which turned into an awesome both self growth and revenue source. You wouldn't have started your monthly plan if you didn't have that studio, which still exists today, ironically. It's just a, a much bigger, badder version of itself. And we went to found Isagenix, the network marketing company that has literally changed our lives, first physically, then financially. So it's so funny when you look back, hindsight being 2020 at the decisions, how small they seem in the moment, but how huge they end up being in the long run.

Yeah, you know, it was. And there were so many ups and downs even during that time. I think a couple of the big shifting moments were, number one, finding our network marketing company, Isagenix, through a client in my studio. And also we said no to that for six straight months. So thank God. And again, going back to timing is everything. Being more open is going to change your freaking life. And also connecting with people who are in a powerful full belief system of success around what they think is possible, reading the books of people who are successful, listening to the podcasts of people who are successful. I can't tell you how important this is because Chris and I were in Wisconsin and Minnesota during this time. So what we're talking about right now with the, the fitness studio was in Minneapolis, but it's not really known for a lot of fitness in the Midwest, like fitness careers, being overly successful, it's really about, you know, making, trying to get that dream, but maybe not being too big. It's like right in the middle. So once you start to get a little too big, it's almost like people try to cut you back to where they're at. Because I think success is scary to a lot of people.

Yeah, listen, I mean now you're starting to leak into tribe, right? Something that has become such an area of expertise for you because when you learned how important tribe was for you, you were able to use tribe in order to become the incredible human being that you are now making such an impact that you are now. But you're right, listen, we might get some hate mail for this, but it's not just the Midwest. There's all these pockets in the country where when you start dreaming too big or thinking too big, people go from cheering you on to getting uncomfortable and all of a sudden sabotaging or holding you back. Sometimes, many times they don't even realize that they're doing it. And this is when, if you're starting to feel this and I'm talking to the people who are starting to feel this in their gut, like, wait a minute, this person used to cheer me on and now they don't seem to be there for me anymore or even family. Right? Family used to be the biggest supporter of go do what you want to do. And all of a sudden now they're saying things like, don't be too big. We're going to miss you. Or, you know, who knows what your resistance, what form it's coming in. But if this is you, then I'm speaking to you. And. And if you feel that in your gut, if you're starting to see a pattern of that going on, you're not crazy. You may feel like it because you're the only one there wanting to do something massive while everyone else is saying, hey, let's just do something kind of big or why are your dreams so big? Or why are they so silly? But if that's you, then know that you're not weird. Know that you really must have a larger calling than the area or the tribe that you're in is currently supporting. And then it is your job to do the very uncomfortable yet fruitful thing of changing your tribe or changing your area or both. And that's kind of what we did.

That's exactly what we did. And that's kind of what I was leading into is when we were in that apartment and we were going from zero again to having these, it's like. It's like we were like, okay, well, if we're at zero and you're not in your job really anymore, and I kind of have this open playing field and in fitness and I've already taken this leap into my fears. What do we really want to do? And that's when we started reading T. Harv Ecker's Secrets of a Millionaire Mind together. We would read it every single night in bed, out loud. We would take turns and we would do all of the work in there. So you have to say things out loud. Like you point. Have to point to your head. And together we would just yell it. We'd yell, I have a millionaire mind. And it. And in the beginning, you guys, it sounded so crazy to us. And towards the end of the book, it was like, like my belief system really did start to get rewired because Chris and I looked at what our family's belief systems were around money, what ours really were about around money. And we had to reprogram that. We had to create a brand new relationship, not only in, as individuals with money, but as a couple around money as well. And I think once we did that, it's like the possibilities. We became more hooked into our possibilities than we became into our fears. Because we were feasting on possibilities every night. Instead of surrounding ourselves with people who were scared or watching TV shows that made us feel crappy or hanging out with people who made us feel crappy. It was like we were just constantly. We were full immersion, full immersion on good stuff.

I call it positive propaganda. And so, you know the term propaganda, it's really just a whole bunch of support that'll support you good or bad or support a cause or an idea. And a lot of times people will say, well, if all you do is look at one side of the coin, then of course you're going to support that side of the coin. I'm all for that. Like, find positive propaganda to support where you want to go. Find positive propaganda to reinforce your beliefs. Because, tell you what, you might feel like a 10 out of 10 right now, and you step out that front door and someone or something is going to bring you right back down to an eight, right back down to a six, right back down to a five or a four. It is your job to. To then go nowhere to find that positive propaganda right away again to get yourself back up to a 10 out of 10. So you keep marching towards whatever it is is calling you to march towards it. And without that positive propaganda, you and I probably wouldn't. Well, not probably. We absolutely wouldn't be where we are today. And you know, it's funny. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T Har Becker that we literally read side by side in bed. Let me tell you how unromantic that is. But hey, it worked. That was our kind of, our first piece of positive propaganda. Do you remember what our second piece was going to? Landmark Forum.

Oh, yeah.

That was like our first exposure to a self development event.

Yeah, that's huge. I'm gonna get back to that in one second because I just want to say you will always find what you are looking for. I love that you said that. When you walk outside, someone can bring you back down to a a6. Or you can look for that person who's a 10, you know, or look for that person who just did something nice. Or look for that person who smiled or smile at them and make that happen. I love when people say, oh, you're drinking the Kool Aid. I'm like, I am absolutely drinking the Kool Aid. If that means that I am happy and you are not, then I will drink this Kool Aid all day long. I love it.

Wait, did you know everyone's always drinking the Kool Aid? Like, yeah, if you have shitty friends, you're drinking their shitty Kool Aid.

Yeah, I don't want shitty Kool Aid. Chris just got comfortable. His feet are now on the table.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

One of them for you. And when you want more.

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Okay, so back to Landmark Forum, you guys. This is a self development weekend. It's pretty darn intense. I think that it's three days long, right?

Yeah. Ours was Friday, Saturday, Sunday, three days.

Long, and Friday and Saturday. Chris and I were both like, what did we do? Where are we this each night?

We said we wouldn't go back the.

Next day, but we did, and then we went back. Thank God, because I think this is showing like a through line in everything that we've said so far is just linger a little bit longer, you guys. Give it a chance and be open. Because I had the biggest shift on Sunday. I actually feel like I broke through a lot of my anxiety and learned how to face it. Because finally on Sunday, they were asking people, you know, if you don't feel like that you've had a breakthrough moment yet, run up to the stage. Just do it. And I literally was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna run up to the stage. What am I doing? Who I am one of these crazy people right now. And I ran up to the stage and I was like, I have massive anxiety. I have panic attacks. It's holding me back from everything that I want to do in my life. You know, I want to speak, I want to help people, but I literally start to pass out the second that I even think about it. Like, I get blackouts. And I was on stage and I was starting to, like, get blackouty because I was in front of people and I was having a panic attack. And he just. He just grabbed me and said. He grabbed my arm. And he said, just look around. Look at everybody's faces who are supporting you. Really think about what's going on right now. Like, he just really set the tone and got me present and dropped back into my body. So getting present became a huge tool for me, because what happened in that moment is I learned that I was cre. I create the spiral of anxiety by following it. I feel it, and I'm like, there it is. Here it is. What's going to happen? Oh, my God. And then I resist it. Instead of just riding the wave and knowing that no one's ever died from a panic attack. If I do fall over, big freaking deal. I fall over and say, oh, I suffer from panic attacks. And I'm working through it. Like, what? Why. Why are we suffering? Why are we being so quiet about things? So that was a huge moment for me on that Sunday that, thank God I stayed, because I don't think I'd be doing what I'm doing now if I wouldn't have had that moment of knowing that I am the person creating these horrible attacks. I get that they happen, but you can face them and you can work through them, and they're nothing to be ashamed of.

There is no way you'd be doing what you're doing now, especially to the scale, if not four moments like that, you know, those small steps forward in your fear. That was one example. I remember clearly where you were petrified to get on a stage and say a single word, much less anything of meaning. And then I remember another one right after that. We went to this train, the trainer, like, kind of the speakers training that David Wood put on. And same thing the whole weekend was. Was dedicated towards becoming a better speaker in front of the room. And you somehow, in a tiny room of 50 people, somehow managed to escape getting on stage the entire weekend until the end when he said, okay, who has not gotten on stage yet. And although you were there to learn that skill and to break through that fear, you literally were not going to unless he found you and called you out. And he found you. He called you out, he got you up on stage, and once again, the panic set in, and you made it through it. And so I feel like it's really important for everyone to really understand it. If you're a fan of Lori or if you see her on stage doing the big events or whatever it is that you think is cool that she's doing, you need to know that backstory was not that long ago. That was five, six years ago. And a lot can change in a short amount of time. If you're willing to face the issue at hand. The problem is people don't face the issue at hand. Or maybe they flirt with the issue at hand and then they run right back. And then they flirt with again and they run right back. You said the word, Lori. Immersion. You got to go all in.

You have to be so committed to the possibility, because if you can think it, it is possible. It is. It. It's more than possible. I mean, Chris, you and I go on walks and we are blown away at the life we've created in such a short time. It feels like a long time to us, and it feels like a lot of work. But when we actually look that we were just in that apartment that we downsized from having this life that we thought was fantastic to losing everything in, what, seven years ago.

Yeah, I guess that's not very long.

That is mind blowing because in every year is exponential growth. If you are committed to your dreams, if you're committed to the possibility, you don't even. It's not even like you. We've taken like these massive leaps. We've had a couple years that are incredible sprints, but it's little things done every single day, day in and day out. We're just the most committed people. We basically never miss a day of being committed to our dreams and doing something.

Oh, I think right now is a good example. It's Labor Day weekend, and I would rather be outside doing something really cool at the beach. Yet we are still consistently churning out a podcast. And yesterday we did, you know, we had half the day of fun and half the day of work. And we are constantly chipping away at the things that we know will make us happy in the long run, in the things that we know will make us productive in the long run, even when we don't feel like it. It's like a muscle or a habit that we've built.

So that brings me into routine. I love that we got a good foundation on where we started from so that we can can show you now the things that we have collected along the way that work the best for us in terms of business and life, our own personal happiness and relationships. So, Chris, with. With routine, how do you feel about routine within making yourself happy and also within a relationship?

So I'm not a routine driven person, or at least that used to be my mantra. You very much are a person who needs and thrives in routine. And I think you've slowly, over the years, made me more into that person. And look at how exponentially better My life is right, my body is better, my happiness is higher, my health is way better. I mean, literally, you can measure my health from back. I remember I took this life insurance test back when we were going through our garbage, and compared to the one that I took recently, it is night and day better. I'm like an entirely different human being in terms of all my health stats, in terms of our wealth, you name it. Our routine driven Life has absolutely 10 xed all of those areas of my life. So it's neat that you and I get to talk about this, everybody, because some of the listeners, they probably are routine driven naturally. The other half, they're probably more like I was, and that is, they're resistant towards it. It even sounds boring to be routine driven. And, you know, life's too short to stick to these routine things that are supposed to be so good for us. But I'll tell you what, if you think your Life is a 10 out of 10 now, then you must not know that there's a 20 out of 10 once you actually get into this life of good, happy, healthy routines. And listen, all you're doing is trading habits. All you're doing is trading time when you get into a routine driven life. Here's what I mean by that. I traded time when I might have been at happy hour for an extra walk in the evening, you know, connecting with my wife and talking about our dreams. Or I traded that extra hour of sleep in the morning for prayer, meditation, and a workout. You know, there you're just trading stuff. You're not jamming extra stuff in. So think about what you can trade as we talk about some of this time or action wise for these better routines that are gonna, you know, make your life 10x better. Mm.

So what's your. What is our routine now?

Well, okay, so I wake you up every single morning to a mantra. And you guys, I wish you could see it. I mean, who knows? Maybe we'll reality show it someday. But I literally roll over and I wake Lori up and I say, I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fit than I was yesterday. And then I make her say it. And Lori's version at first is like, I'm happier. And I'm like, no, say it. And so she'll say it a little bit better, and I'll make her say it until she says it with meaning, which is probably so annoying, babe, but, you know, look at what happens. You start your day literally saying, I'm happier, healthier, wealthier, more fit than I was yesterday. And that's your first step towards controlling your day instead of in your thoughts, instead of letting your day control your thoughts. And then I immediately roll right back over and go into a one to two minute prayer of gratitude. And it's so juvenile. If you guys could hear it, it's like. And it's different every morning. So it's like, okay, thank you for letting me wake up, thank you for these cool sheets, thank you for my warm dog laying across my legs. Thank you for this house, thank you for my health, thank you for my healthy body. I'm gonna go work out. Like, I literally do this one to two minute laundry list of random ass things that I am grateful for in the moment. And once again, look what happens by taking inventory of all the good stuff in my life. I'm dictating my thoughts, which will dictate my day instead of letting my day dictate my thoughts. And there's so much power in that. So, I mean, guys, in the first two minutes of my day, between the mantra and that, I have a huge head start on other people who are not doing that.

I love that. And it's not annoying. I'm just not a morning person right away because I really love to sleep. But then we go downstairs and we are trying to stay off social media first thing. It's really tempting because we have a lot going on so we want to get a post out or maybe we want to let people know that we have a challenge they can join. Or, you know, maybe he wants to answer some people's pressing questions because it's, you know, we're on the west coast and a lot of our team and different people that we know are two, three, four hours ahead of us, so they've been up all day. So it's really actually quite challenging to stay off of social media in the morning. But we're going to try, or we are trying right now actually to actively stay off social media and do our meditation and a bit of reading first. We always get that done no matter what, for the most part. But you know, social media can sometimes, if that's the first thing you see, I've been noticing, me personally, that I can feel off if I go right downstairs and get on my social media. So I try to read for about 15, 20 minutes and then we do a meditation. And honestly, you guys, this meditation can come in any form. Some mornings I, I see nothing, I feel nothing. It's like I'm just sitting there. And some mornings is 5 minutes, some mornings is 15 minutes. Some mornings is 20 minutes, mostly 5 to 10 minutes. Not gonna lie. And that's been perfect for us. We've just found that time that works, that fits in with our schedule in the morning. And, you know, as far as meditation goes, there's so many different styles, but it's really getting present in my body. Taking some deep breaths. And then I also combine a visualization. So I kind of add. Ask the Course in Miracles question, where. Where would you have me go? What would you have me say? What would you have me do? And to whom would you have me speak? Whatever it is, Something like that. So I'll say something like that just in my own version. And I try to listen. Or then I visualize what I want my day to look like. Or maybe if I, you know, maybe I'm thinking about my book hitting New York Times bestseller. So I'm picturing what that's going to feel like, who it's going to impact. I'm picturing the rooms that I'm going to go get to speak in and watch everyone connect and how they're going to feel. I get really present in that. So whatever it is that I'm desiring, I get into the feeling of that in which that desire will bring and who it's going to impact and what they will feel like. And to me, it makes it so visceral that I want to take action. I can't wait to take action. And we truly believe that you have to get into that feeling. You have to match the that feeling in order to attract that thing. So if you're not matching that feeling, if you're not matching that vibration, if you're not in that positive state, then you're not going to attract that thing that you want. And that's what we do a lot with our meditation and visualization.

It's one more chance for you to control your thoughts, which will then control your day instead of the other way around. I hate to keep bringing that up, but it's like a magic trick. It is straight up, like a magic trick. If you can control your thoughts, which will then control the outcome of your day as opposed to letting it dictate to you or be the other way around. And I just want to point out you kind of surfed over it real quick. We used to feel like we had to, number one, meditate for 20 minutes. Number two, keep increasing it. Like we're supposed to get better at it. Like it's a skill set or a muscle or something. And yeah, you will get better at it over time, but it was too much pressure and we ended up doing it once a week or once every two weeks instead of doing it every single day because like, oh, we don't have 30 minutes right now. So we'd throw the baby out with the bathwater. So it's way better to be less attached to a time and to say, okay, five minutes, great, 10 minutes, great. Like every morning you ask me or I ask you, okay, how much time do we have right now? And it's better to do five or 10 minutes every single morning than it is to hold yourself to a 20 or 30 minute standard and then not do it as often. The consistency far outweighs the quantity there.

I love that. And you know, the thing about, you know, Chris's quick prayer in the morning and I say a prayer actually during like the first minute of my meditation and visualization. The thing about that too, the meditation, the prayer, whatever it is, taking that time, it's so vital for me. And I don't know if Chris feels this way, I'll ask him in a minute. But it's so vital for me to know that I'm not doing this life alone and that Chris and I are supported. So whether you believe in God, Buddha, source, whatever that is, all you have to do is believe that there's something bigger than you that wants to help you because that takes away a lot of fear. Because I'm very affected by things going on in the world or if I see people being rude or if I just, if I feel things on social media that don't feel awesome or see comments or things like that, or people love to put up the abused dog posts and things, I literally get so affected that if I don't tune back in to my prayer, to God, to whatever you believe, I live a fearful life and I don't want to do that. So these rituals right away in the morning, reminding me and asking for strength and asking for help throughout the day and asking for Holy Spirit and to take whatever is too heavy for me away. And that's not mine to deal with. That is so huge. If I miss out on that, I feel crazy during the day. I feel really not safe, to be honest with you. So when I do these things, I feel very powerful. I feel tuned back in. I feel very supported, connected and loved. And if we don't do that, we're walking around thinking that we have to do this life all on our own. That's a scary thing. And we don't and we are protected. So when Chris And I do that, especially together. I just feel like we know how supported and connected we are. So I'm gonna move on to. We talked about routine in our morning routine. Oh, but then we go work out.

Yeah, I was gonna say we're not done with routine. Like, I think it's important to know that we've got this thing where this idea where we put ourselves first in the day so that we can then be the best version of ourselves for everybody else the rest of the day. And this is a tough thing to get used to. And listen, I understand that we get to dictate our own schedules now. So if you're sitting there saying, well, yeah, I would do that too if I got to work for myself, that's not an excuse because remember, that can sometimes be harder. Remember when we started doing this, we'd get up at like 5:30 in the morning and walk around that cold ass lake in Minneapolis and start doing this stuff. And that was because I had to be at my job at a certain time. Like, listen, there's always a way to put yourself first so that you can then be the best version of yourself for everybody else the rest of the day. Nobody wants a strung out, tired, crabby, resentful version of you. That version of you sucks, no offense. That version of you is no good for anybody. So yeah, then we go work out. So we are the best versions of ourselves. And all of this is before anybody gets to get ahold of us. We won't take a phone call, we won't return your texts, we won't do any of that stuff because we know that we're putting ourself first so that we will then be a better version of ourselves for you. Later after the workout, we get home. That's usually when we have our first meal. Because lately, like a year now, we've been in intermittent fasting where we eat in like a seven or eight hour window in the evening. And then we don't eat again until after a workout, which is a whole nother subject, I guess. And then we go our separate ways for the day. Sometimes we have meetings together, but most of the time we go separate ways. We have a kick ass workday and our routine kind of comes back together with our mandatory dog walk. And this is like three miles, this is one hour. It's a serious dog walk. But our routine comes back together again at the end of the day with our mandatory dog walk, which there's plenty of times I don't want to go. There's plenty of times you don't want to go. But it's an agreement that we absolutely hold ourselves accountable to because that's when we go from being business partners to husband and wife again. That's when we connect again. That's when we get to connect our emotions again and become a romantic couple again, as opposed to talking about numbers and spreadsheets and budgets and marketing plans and all the stuff that's very unsexy and unappealing as a couple. And so that mandatory dog walk at the end of the day that marks the end of our workday is crucial. So everybody out there, what's going to be your dog walk? Walk? Right? What's it going to be? Is it going to be a jog with your significant other? Is it. If you're not with somebody, Is it going to be meeting up with a friend for something that's very healthy? Like, how are you going to mark the end of your day to bring you back to someone who loves yourself, not just somebody else?

You know? And I want to just elaborate because you can do this no matter where you're at or what you're doing. It is not easy to do this. It takes massive boundaries, and we have to say no all of the time. I mean, how often, Chris, are we on a walk? And we are, like, almost fighting over having to say no in order to guard or block time or take care of each other or take care of ourselves or take care of our business. Because whether it's people asking us to go do things socially that we want to go and do, or whether it's people wanting appointments or trying to cram things in or taking really great opportunities. You guys, there are things that are always going to try to take over your life. But right now, you decide if you're going to live the life that you want or you're going to live life for other people. That's it. That's it. Otherwise, we can absolutely. We could fill our calendars this whole next week with what everybody else wants us to do. We could do a million different interviews. We could go to a hundred different dinners. We could, you know, do things to amp up our business even more. We could take all of these different opportunities that are shiny, and we could be totally stressed out, pissed off off, and let our bodies go and be eating and drinking, and none of this would work because it would all fall apart.

You know, it's. You kind of alluded to it, Lori, but we're so afraid that we're gonna offend somebody else by saying no. When do we start being worried if we're gonna offend ourselves by not saying no enough, Right? We're so worried about offending everybody else. Why aren't we worried about offending ourselves and the things that we know would make us happy? Happy.

You know, you have to live in your body and you have to live in your mind. What. What's the conversations going on right now? So if. If my conversation is, wow, I'm not feeling connected to myself, I don't feel good, wow, my clothes are getting really tight and this is upsetting me, or, wow, I haven't been able to go to the gym, I want to feel strong again. What are the conversations you're having? Because they're drowning out the thoughts of, who could I help? What could I do? What is my purpose in the world? Those. Those petty thoughts that you could take care of by taking care of yourself are drowning out the bigger thoughts, you guys. And you're living someone else's life. All right, so do you think we. Do you think we wrapped up routine?

There's one tiny part that we haven't talked about. Do it. You make me go to bed early. For 12 years now, every single night for 12 years, the same conversation happens. Happens. And that is Lori's like, okay, let's go up and go to bed. And I'm like, no, I'm not tired yet. And every single night, you're like, come on, you're gonna thank me in the morning. And you drag us up there early. Nine, nine thirty. Like, ten is wild, right? And every time I get up there, I'll either fall asleep right away five minutes after saying, I'm not tired yet, or thank you in the morning because we've got a ton of sleep. Sleep. And that is part of routine. Sleep is way more important than people give it credit for.

Oh, it's. It's literally sacred. Because when you and I don't sleep, we just are not the same people. We don't perform the same at all the next day. And I'll tell you guys, if you have any body goals or relationship goals, it is all about sleep. Because otherwise you're going to show up crabby. And especially if you're trying to change your body, you're not going to create all the leptin you need for your appetite suppressant. You're not going to burn the right amount of fat that. That you're supposed to burn while you're sleeping or that you're naturally going to burn while you're sleeping. There's so many good Things that happen, your body is rejuvenating, your brain is getting washed. I mean, really incredible things that are making you feel better. You're getting answers to questions that you needed the day before. So if you go to bed even with a question in your mind, it's really amazing that if you get enough sleep, sometimes you wake up in the morning with the answer. Because your brain wants to work for you, but it needs to recharge and it needs, needs to sleep and it needs to go through that wash cycle and it needs to go through your full REM sleep to create that leptin in order to suppress your appetite the next day. So you have a normal appetite. You don't want to swim through a sea of crackers and eat all day long. Like I always say to Chris, I'm like, I only got six hours of sleep and all I want is boxes of crackers right now. I want to eat all day. Am I not a totally different person? 100%, like annoying. And, and. Go on.

I'm not going to answer that. Next question, please.

Okay, so we covered routine. Let's talk about communication because I think this is huge, not only in relationships, but in everything. If you want to get to a goal, you want to create relationships, you want to move forward, you have to communicate, you have to say things to people sometimes that you really don't want to say. You have to ask for things that you, you feel like you do not want to ask for. And you have to confront things that you don't want to confront. And that is especially true in relationships. I know Chris and I have had to right away in the beginning of our relationship. I don't know how we even knew to do this. Maybe because we both had crap relationships before this that, that didn't necessarily work out the way that we wanted because of how we were communicating or because of how the other person was or how we were for me, in my case. So communication when we got together was so important because we knew we wanted to stay together.

Well, it seems like such a no brainer when you hear it. Yet nobody takes the time to set up rules around communication or to really address the things at hand that need to be addressed. And for example, your style of communication when we would get in fights at first was to run away from it.

Yes.

Like you didn't, you literally wouldn't address the issue at hand and you'd physically try to run away from it.

That's what I saw my whole life.

Yes. And I wasn't having that. I think I was my last girlfriend before you would do that. Did you. I don't even know if I told you this. My last girlfriend before you actually jumped out of a running car, a driving car, because she didn't want to keep the argument going, didn't want to address the issue at hand. Right?

You did tell me that.

That's so funny. And so, you know, I wasn't going to have a runner. I like to hit things straight on, and I like to talk about them and I like to solve them. And I feel like that is the best way to get things over with. You know, here's something that's funny. People say, hey, what's it like being married? I say, well, if you do it right, your fights last much shorter. And here's why. When you're married, you know you're not going to break up, right? You're not fighting to maybe possibly break up or take a break. You're still going to have to remain together. So do you want to remain together fighting, or do you want to remain together doing something fun? I'd rather remain together doing something fun. Fun. So why drag it out? Why not address it and try and make it the shortest fight possible?

It's so true. And I think that's the thing, is one time, you were. One time in the beginning, you were like, if you leave, don't bother coming back. And you were totally serious. And I was like, oh, my God, I think he's really serious. So I think I went and pulled the car out into the driveway and sat there. That was my first steps of like, I'm still fighting with you and I'm still going to. To keep my horrible habit, but I'm not leaving. So I backed the car up in the driveway. I might have gone around the block, I'm not sure, but then I would come closer and closer. Like, maybe sometimes I'd go outside and I didn't know where I would be going, and I'd be like, this is really stupid. I just want to go back inside. And then I'd go back inside. So the more that I did this, the more I was like, okay, I am committed to peace. I don't want to fight. Fight. We do need to face this head on. Sometimes you do need to go breathe, maybe in another room and just. But let. Let them know. Be like, I need. I need a moment or I need an hour. I pro. Like, I'm gonna come back to this, but not right now. Just give me some time. But always making sure that you come back to it as quick as possible and you resolve it. Because why would you keep fighting? It's only going to get bigger. And the thing about fighting is you have to know how to fight. You have to also listen while you're fighting. You can't just be waiting to say something and not actually hear the other person's perspective. One of the greatest things I learned was people just want to be heard. So a lot of times it'll be okay, tell me how you feel, how did this start? Or what's going, what's really going on? Tell me what's going on. And then agree to listen to the other person and take turns because that person is not going to feel validated or heard at all. The fight is going to continue if you both don't listen. Even if while you're listening you're like, that is the craziest frickin thing I have ever heard. You're being neurotic and you think the person is a psycho. Please don't say that. Just take a minute, completely hear them all the way through and then think, like just think and think that you're committed to peace and that fighting is totally normal. It's two very passionate people coming together and sharing opinions.

Well, it is, but you also have to be super aware that it's usually just your ego driving that opinion. And if you can check your ego, then typically the fight is going to be cut in half or cut into a quarter. People just stick to their position out of pure ego, right? They're not going to be wrong this time because they've given in the last five times in a row and they're not going to give in this time. When instead of keeping score and instead of going back to the past, if you would just be present and check your ego, the fights would be non existent or a lot shorter. And I heard, you know what, Lori, I've never told you this, but I heard the coolest way to fight and to end fights by our friends Rob and Kim. So Rob and Kim will do this. They'll look at each other mid fight and they'll say, okay, scale of 1 to 10 and obviously 10's the most passionate, how passionate are you about your side of this argument? And so Kim will say a nine. She'll say, what about you? Scale one to ten, how fast are you? And Rob's like, even if he's an 8, then they have an agreement that the person who gives the higher rating, then they'll give in to that side of the argument and it's Over. Wow. What a cool scale. Right?

That's insane. Hmm. We'll have to try it.

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, you know, Chris and I. I mean, I think that people think everything is perfect, and it is, because we know. I. I really believe we know how to fight. We probably fight once a week because we have Monday meetings, but they're not even really fights anymore. They're like these. They're like these quick, heated discussions. And we know how to reach the end of them because we communicate through the whole thing, or somebody does give. I find that, you know, you are in this marriage for life, and you are gonna have to give sometimes you are gonna have to let go, and you are gonna have to just say what's worth it to you. Like, pick your battles. What is even worth it? There are some fights to me that I'm like, this is so not worth it. This is so crazy. I am not even gonna have this. Like, it doesn't even matter to me, so I'm not even gonna go there.

People also fight, though, because they're addicted to drama.

Yeah, that's true.

And a lot of times, you know, if this is you, you really do, and that's not going to get you anywhere. Even if it's a high that you experience during it, in the long run, it's going to keep you further and further from your goals and from happiness. So if you're addicted to drama, trade that addiction for something else. I believe we're all addicted to something all the time, but you just kind of trade your addictions. Right. So I'm addicted to working out and to a fault, probably, like maybe to a ridiculous amount. You know, I'm addicted to working a lot or to succeeding or thriving. And those are no different than being addicted to alcohol or being addicted to drama or anything like that. They're just as significant. We've just kind of chosen what we think would be most productive in our life to be addicted to. And a lot of times you're going to do your addictions to faults, but why not do them to faults that are going to move you forward?

Okay, so. So personal growth. I like this one because I think it's so important as an individual to be committed to personal growth, meaning committed to your happiness. Committed to knowing what you need. Committed to. I think this falls into rituals as well. Committed to knowing the rituals that you need to feel good and to feel happy. But also, I think the whole purpose of this life is to create your own purpose. Purpose. And I think that is going to take a lot of growing every single day. And I know that if I'm not growing, I feel depressed, I feel totally lost. And I know that my relationship is strained when I am not growing because I get bored with myself, which means that if I show up boring, I'm not going to enjoy the person, no matter how exciting they are, because then I'm going to depend on them to keep me excited and entertained. And that's not a relationship. That is you needing somebody and not loving yourself.

I remember actually a moment in my life when I was not into self development. I was bored of it. Matter of fact, I remember a moment in life and I'm talking like, you know, a year or whatever you want to call it, where you would talk about self development. Or I want to go to this, or oh my God, I learned this, or oh my God. And I would roll my eyes in my head, head, you wouldn't see me, but in my head I'd roll my eyes. I'd be like, I'm so sick of hearing about this. Like, I was resentful towards it. And I was resentful towards it because I wasn't doing it myself. You know the phrase good is the enemy of great. Everything was good, so I didn't do anything to be great. The problem is when you know you're capable of great and you got greatness inside you and you're not doing anything to be great, that's not good. You feel like it's good, but it's actually not a good place to be at all because it's this big empty gap anyhow. So I remember being there for like a year. And all of a sudden I realized that with the trajectory that you were on, if I didn't do something to pour myself into self development and learn to like it again and learn to catch up, that we'd wake up one day and you'd be way up here and I'd be way down here and that'd be too big of a gap to overcome. And that's when I read my 30 books in 30 days. I wasn't even a reader before that. But that's just one example of having to devote yourself to self development in order to be happy and to stay interesting. Because, oh, here's the whole point I was trying to make. I remember thinking to myself, I am uninteresting to my wife because I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about.

Okay, so what would you say to people? Because, you know, not everyone's going to be able to read 30 books in 30 days. That was just something that you wanted to do and you were inspired to do. What would you say to a husband or a wife who is feeling, number one, like their spouse is in that position where their husband or wife does not really want to grow and maybe.

They feel the eye roll, have a conversation about it. This goes back to communication. Have a loving, not a judgmental conversation about it. But I think that's got to be step one, step two, always lead by example. So here's probably why I woke up one day and said, hey, I'm gonna read 30 books in 30 days. It's because you didn't even realize it, but you were leading by example. You were doing the reading. You were going to some events that I didn't go to. You were doing all this stuff that when you came back, you grew and you seemed happier and you were all excited to talk about it. And even though it annoyed me, I could see the growth in you. And so you didn't have to sit me down and say, you bore me. You didn't have to sit me down and say, hey, you're not growing. I, I'm, I am. You never did that. Really. It was you leading by example enough times over and over and over and over again until I woke myself up. Because you were leading by example and said, okay, maybe I need to do something. So I think the definitive answer is, as long as you don't, you set the pace for your relationship. You really do. And so as long as you don't stop being the example of what to do, then one of two things will eventually happen. Your partner will say, ah, I think she has the right idea, or I think he has the right idea, and they'll go find their own version of self development. Or number two, they'll get so tired of it that they will exit out of the relationship. And they are doing you a favor if they do. Because how dare you pull back or how dare you stop growing just to make somebody else comfortable who is not doing any of it whatsoever? Is that really a partner you want? I don't care if you have 10 years or 20 years of history together. Is that really a partner that you want? Somebody who's going to hold you back from growing and have, from being happy and from having fun just because they don't feel like doing the work.

So what about the other way around? What about the person who's like, oh man, my husband or wife is really doing a lot and I'm feeling left behind? Like, what's, what are some other things that people could do well, I mean.

The list is endless. You got to find the self development that you enjoy. So if you like going to events, find events. If you like reading, read. If you like podcasts, I mean, there's never been more podcasts than there are right now, and that's a form of self development. But find something that you like and don't try and muscle through the things that you don't. So just because people say a podcast is good, or just because people are all hyped up on podcasts right now, hey, if they don't work for you, they don't work for you. Don't force it. Same thing with reading. If you're not a reader, you're not a reader. Or if you're reading a book because everybody said it was great and you're just not into it, don't do that stupid guilt, muscling it out, everyone else likes it, why don't I, I must have to finish it type of thing. No, put the book down and go find another one. Because if you're not doing self development in a modality that you like, then you absolutely won't stick to it.

Yeah. And I do think if you're in that space where you're ready for a shift, you. You want to jump into personal development. I do think events are really awesome, and not every event is going to be awesome. And I mean, even look at Chris and I's first experience, you might go in. I've had people go to events or I've gone to events that I haven't really felt a shift until afterward, after I got home. But it's not about going to the event and judging it. It's really noticing how you're feeling throughout it. And if you want to really grow, I believe we can grow from anything. We can grow from different occurrences in our life. We can grow from walking out the door and walking down to a coffee shop and saying hi to people and just watching and observing yourself. Because self development and growth is about being as self aware as you possibly can be. It's like, why am I acting this way? Why am I thinking these thoughts? And I think at events, sometimes, even if you don't like the event, you can observe yourself. Why am I. Why don't I like this event? What are these people triggering in me? Is it because I feel anxious or I don't fit in or I'm nervous? How could I be more me in this experience? How could I feel more comfortable right now, despite what's going on around me. And just by that, you're going to grow so much, you'll. It'll be absolutely measurable and crazy when you go home.

So I have to ask you about your event. Not as a shameless plug, not because, you know, oh my gosh, tickets are almost selling out. Like all that stuff. I have to ask you, because events first shaped you and then you started shaping them for other people who would love your event. And who is it not for?

Oh, I love this. Who would love my event? People who want to get out of the cold. Cold in spring. Just kidding. It's in March and it's in California. No. People who are ready for a shift. People who want to build a tribe. People who want to get so far outside of their normal daily life. To remember that there are really supportive women. To remember that there is another way to live. To remember that you can step in to your divine feminine power and still be a loving person. To remember that you, you know, you can still be humble and you can still have massive success and be as big and bright and beautiful as you are. You were born to be and you will be supported doing it. People who I don't think it's for. That's a tough one. Maybe. People who aren't ready yet. People who aren't ready for self development. People who just heard myself say event and got totally turned off. It's definitely not for you. Then you have to be willing and committed to transformation. Because I don't create the transformation there. I just give you the people, the tools, the space and the tribe. But I cannot create a transformation for you. No way, no how, Nothing I say is going to turn your life upside down and around unless you're ready for it and you take action and you take those words and apply them them to your own life. So anyone who is not feeling that it's not for you, start with a podcast or a book or something like that.

I'm gonna put you on a spot. What has been one of your favorite transformations that's come out of your event?

Oh, there are so many now at this point because it's been going on. Is this my sixth one?

Yeah.

So there's been s. This will be six. So I've gotten to see so many amazing things. I've seen other women have their own events with hundreds of people. I've seen women step into six figure businesses that they've created out of nothing. I've seen women who have new tribes and best friends of, of 3, 5, 10, 20, 30, women that they're constantly doing things with. I'm always being tagged in pictures of women on different retreats with women who they met at my event. I'm seeing people connect and visit each other and I'm seeing crazy things. It's absolutely insane what people are doing and what they're creating as far as just taking massive leaps in their life. Starting podcasts, starting businesses, starting events. Those are the biggest ones.

Very cool.

All right, well, thanks for that. Okay, so personal growth and your happiness. I really do. Chris and I have this theory that we are responsible for ourselves. I think this is obviously a through line for everybody. You are responsible for your own happiness. And the second that you start looking at your friends, your spouse, your parents, your children to make you happy, you're going to be miserable because you are trying to control and manipulate someone else, whether you realize it or not. And being in that space of controlling and manipulating and relying on someone else is probably one of the most frustrating, unhappy spaces that you can be. So if you can turn all of your effort, efforts in on yourself, you actually free yourself and you free up space because you're happy. You can then think of how you can help people and how you can help move people forward. So we believe if we're not happy, it is not one or the other or what's going on. It is what's going on in your mind right now, what's going on in your life, what's going on with you. I mean, I can help you, I can support you, but I absolutely cannot make you happy.

We actually have that agreement in our, our marriage, right, that we're always going to keep working on ourselves because it's unfair for us to not, you know, to not show up big for the other person. And we also have the agreement that, hey, you know, not if we wake up one day and one of us has slipped, but if we wake up one day and we're a million miles apart and somebody has very clearly checked out, then you know, it's okay to move on at that point. It's just, just you literally owe it to yourself and to the people around you. So half of you will take action on self development for yourself because you're driven that way. The other half of you, you always put yourself last for some reason, you're driven that way, but you will take action on self development for the people you care about in your life. Your kids, your spouse, your family, whoever. So whether it's for yourself or whether it's for the people that you care about, Whichever one intrinsically motivates you, damn it. That's why you have to do it, and you have to do it day in and day out.

You know, we're not saying, like, you have to be reading these books and podcasts and going to events or you can check out of your marriage. That's absolutely not what we're saying. Because self development can be many different forms. It can be. It can come in taking care of yourself physically. It can come in getting great at a hobby. It can come in anything that makes you grow and be bigger than you were the year before, the year prior, anything that makes you interesting, anything that. That helps you be a more interesting person for your spouse, anything that is making your life tangibly better, happier, making you a happier person. Because if you're not growing in whatever form you're. You're not happy. So if you are happy and you are adding to your relationship, great. That's incredible. It probably means you're growing in some area. You might be getting better at your job, you might be getting better at your relationships. There are ways to be growing and getting better without having to do these things. These are all just things that work effectively. They work quickly, they're fast. We love them. They really help you get outside of your bubble, right? Because it's so easy to live within a bubble. And when you expand, that is also when you expand your capability of loving other people. And let me tell you how magical that is. When you really start to grow and you step into your own power, you also, you know, help your spouse, help your family, help everyone around you step into theirs. And that is so, so powerful. So, Chris, what does it look like to support a spouse who has big dreams that you might think is a wee bit crazy at first? Because I think you're pretty used to this.

I work with a lot of people on this. And there's a misconception that by giving your spouse or your significant other permission, like, oh, yeah, go ahead and do that, I won't mind. Or go ahead and invest in that. I won't mind that. That's support. And that's not. They don't need your permission to go pursue what their calling is or what makes them happy. Right? So wake up, call. If you think that granting permission is support, it's absolutely not. If you think that saying, oh, yeah, that's cute, or, oh, yeah, that's good job, honey. If you think that that's support, it's not. It's actually belittling. They don't want your permission and they don't want your little compliments. What they want is involvement to the extent that you can be involved. And that's the important part, to the extent that you can be involved. So it might look like this. It might say, you know, hey, I've got my own career and you know, I'm busy. But what are some ideas that you have that I could do in order to support your dream of whatever it is that you're doing? That question alone is typically what a partner wants to hear. You know, what ideas do you have that I could do to make your life easier while you chase down your dream? Because a lot of times it's going to be the opposite of what you think. I've seen so many examples where let's say a husband is asking a wife that and he thinks that the answer is going to be, well, would you do the finances? Would you pay the taxes? Would you run these errands? And that's not the answer at all. What she really wants is, would you just take the kids for two hours a week every. I'm sorry, two hours a day? Every single day so I can devote two hour pockets once a day to my business. You know, a lot of times if you don't ask the question, you don't know what your partner really wants for support. And you can't make assumptions. Yeah, we know our partners pretty well. But boy, when it comes to people pursuing their dreams, they usually want something more out of you or different out of you than you. You think?

And I think something so big too is, you know, some people might look at it as a little hobby or this little side thing that they're doing. But when people get support, men or women, I'm telling you, you guys, we have such gifts inside all of us that if you give your love and support to someone, don't underestimate what they are capable of. And don't give them a time limit either either, because that is like, it took me so long to do what I'm doing now. But can you even imagine our life if we would not have been doing this? I mean, the, the amount of people that we've been able to affect, the way that this has affected our relationship and the amount of income that we have been able to bring into our lives and not only that, but give to other people has been absolutely insane. And I know that if we did not go in this direction, you wouldn't, wouldn't have. Or if you wouldn't have been patient with me, if you wouldn't have Been loving. If you wouldn't have been supportive, then none of this would be happening because I would have immediately felt that I wasn't good enough for it. And, you know, even in the beginning, we did have a conversation about this. I remember there was a time, see, we can. We can speak to this because we've been through it. We've had the conversations. I've felt belittled. I'm sure I've belittled him in some of his things that he's wanted to do. So that's why we can speak to this. There was a time when and Chris called my fitness competing or fitness things that I wanted to do, my little hobby or we can't do this anymore. Your little hobby's costing way too much money. And for me, it wasn't a little hobby. It was my entire life's passion and dream. I knew where I was going. I had the map. But I also had to explain that to him and say, and that's when it really turned around, right? It was when I had said to you, I know what I'm doing here. Here's the plan. Give me a little bit more time. This is the foundation for this. In order to get people's eyes on what I'm doing, I need to do this. So you're either all in or you're all out. But whatever you're doing right now is making me feel totally belittled. It's not working for me. So we have these conversations all of the time. Still to this day, if I'm feeling belittled, if he's not feeling supported, if he's not feeling heard, we have a conversation that when you said this, this is how I felt. Can we talk about it? And I think that's so vital, or it gets swept under the rug and it grows into a big, fat, ugly monster and is going to come out later in a form that you don't want.

Hey, you know, a totally different form of support, too, when it comes to significant other, is help them be consistent. Because we naturally are not going to be very consistent as individuals, no matter how disciplined we are. There's going to be so many moments where you don't want to take action. And so when you as a partner, help them stay consistent, whether it's helping them time block, helping them carve out time, helping free up time, you know, going along on that workout with them or going along on that event with them, even though maybe you don't want to go or you don't need, you already did yours if the more you can help your partner be consistent, the more successful they're gonna be in whatever it is that they're trying to be successful in.

Oh, I love that. And it's crazy because, you know, you'll make comments to me like, if I, you know, you know, I'm wanting to go out for a run in the afternoon or something, and you're busy, but even if you just look or know that I'm going out and you say, you know you want to do it, or you know you're going to feel awesome when you get back, just go. Don't even think about it. It's like, that one sentence will help me push my rear end out the door. And I come back and you're like, I'm so proud of you. It's like, wow, those little words make such a difference to your partner. Like, maybe before Chris will get on a call that I know he won't want to be on or a podcast, I'm like, like, you know, you're gonna feel amazing afterward. You're gonna meet someone awesome. You're gonna feel so awesome the second you're done, and I can't wait to hear about what you talk about, and then we talk about it afterward. It's like all of these really important, supportive conversations around the things that you're both doing, they're little, they're tiny, but they're massive shifts. The. The end goal is just massive compared to if you don't have those things. All right, so is there anything we didn't cover, Chris? Gosh, I mean, I know there's a lot we didn't cover that I still.

Want to share, but I think the bottom line is this, and we'll do more of these together. Matter of fact, we'd love to hear from people what they want to hear more about on. Because it's kind of fun to answer that way, but digest the stuff that we talked about, because these are some of the most basic fundamentals of our happiness. These are some of the most basic fundamentals of our success. They're not hard things to do. Do. Everybody can do the stuff that we talked about. It's do you do it or not? That will determine the outcome of your success and your happiness. And every single freaking person listening is entitled to the pursuit of happiness, is entitled to the chance of success. Every single person is. The tools are there. The info is there. No matter where you think you are, you know, know, things stacked against you, you still have a very good chance at happiness and or success. If you just start with step one and do the fundamentals that you know are going to add up into something big.

I love that. And I love that you said everyone's entitled to the pursuit of happiness because if we've learned one thing, it's that the pursuit is the happiness. It's not the end goal. Kris and I have had, had more blessings and wins now that we've really committed to our journey together. And honestly, what happens is you get that blessing, you get that win, you reach that goal and you set another one. But that's life. So if you're not finding the joy in the journey, you may never, ever, ever find it. So you have to find every single day something that you enjoy and you love to do together. And you get really present for us. That's our walks, that's our evening salads, that's our morning meditations. That's our prayer to God. That's getting great grateful every single day. Because if you don't find it in that, there is honestly, those are the things that matter the most. Because those goals and those blessings, they all, they're, they're quick. They go by quick. You get used to them. I know that sounds insane, but it's absolutely true. So find your happiness in the pursuit every day and you will be overwhelmed by the blessings that all of those things bring. So you guys, thank you so much for being on. Chris, thank you so much for being on. I love having you on here because I just think you, your perspective for men and women is so important. So you guys, like Chris said, we would love to hear your questions so that we can do these more often. I'd love to have them on like once a month. So if you could shoot us your questions via Instagram, Instagram stories, especially on this post when I post it. That would be amazing. And we will make sure we answer those yes.

Find me on Instagram at chriswharder. Like Lori said, send us messages. We love hearing from you guys. Guys, listen to my podcast at for the love of money.com and reach out. We'd love to know what you guys want to hear from us.

Amazing. Thank you so much. And you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn. Learn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye bye.