164: How To Stop SABOTAGING OURSELVES

Foreign. Welcome to the Earn your happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And this episode is brought to you by my live event, the Bliss Project, which you can find@theblissproject.info and it's happening March 2nd through the 4th in Newport Beach, California. And I would love to see you there. So if you are feeling alone, if you are feeling isolated, if you don't feel like you have a tribe, if you are ready to take some massive action or get clarity around what it is you are supposed to bring into this world or just really gain momentum on what you are meant to bring into the world, this is where you want to be. So go check it out. You absolutely have to be there. It's a weekend of total immersion and it is all about accelerated growth. So what happens in one weekend feels like it takes place over an entire year's work because it happens so fast when you are completely immersed with a supportive tribe and you have the tools to really break through your fear and create an action plan. So I would love to see you guys there. So today I want to chat with you about what is keeping you from what you want to be doing. And a lot of times I believe that what's keeping us are the small things that every single day are pulling at us. And I think a lot of it is social media and our own thoughts and maybe it's YouTube, maybe whatever that distraction is for you. But it's a massive distraction. I was just on a podcast talking to Mike Zeller and he was telling me it takes 13 minutes for your mind to get back on track with that thing that you were focusing on. If you go off track, if you check your phone, if you check Instagram, if you check Facebook, if you stop and get distracted or you go do that thing or get distracted by online shopping, Whatever that thing is, it's going to take you 13 minutes to get back on track. And now if you're on track for 10 minutes and you go take 13 because you just got distracted again, how much time are you actually putting towards your goals? Now if we think of this, you know, maybe you're only putting 20 minutes towards your goal a day or less, right? So we wonder why we're not getting anywhere. And it's because of the habits that we are keeping ourselves stuck in. And it absolutely is not somebody else or something else, you guys. It is how resourceful we are and how focused we can get. So in order to get focused, in order to move forward, we are going to have to get fierce with eliminating distractions. So some of the major things that are actually stopping us are comparison, judgment, blame, and numbing out. So I wrote down a few different things that we can do in place of these. Right. So whenever we compare, when does this happen? Most of the times. Most of the time comparison happens when we are trying to relax, when we're numbing out, right? When we are on social media, when we're scroll, scroll, scrolling, when we're on Facebook, when we're on on Instagram, when we're looking through magazines, maybe when we're at the office and someone else gets a promotion, or when we're at work, or maybe when we're comparing ourselves to other people in our field and researching and looking at what they're doing and wondering, why isn't this happening for you? How much time are you wasting in comparison? And I've had so many women reach out to me lately that says, I'm so miserable. I can't stop comparing myself to other women. Are you ready? Because this is going to be the hard truth. You can stop comparing yourself to other women. You're just addicted to comparing yourself and you're addicted to what happens afterward. Right? We're addicted to the drama. We're addicted to that low feeling. We're addicted to that spiral because it's just something to hook into. It's something to kill time with. Right? So we might look at it as, no, I'm really just looking to see what they're doing. No, you're not. If it's making you feel bad and you continue doing it, it's an addict to that feeling. So comparison, instead of comparing, what you can do is you can acknowledge that person. So some a quick way that you can do this without stopping comparison right there. So this is like the first steps to stopping comparison. You can acknowledge Them and say, congratulations. Or you can say, wow, you're amazing. I really, really love that you are blazing trails for me. Right? Or you can stop that comparison. You can get off social media, you can change your mind and you can try to go connect with someone you love. So immediately what you can do when you find yourself comparing, comparing yourself to someone is text a woman that you adore, Text a woman in your life that you love, Email someone, call your mom, call your sister and just say, hey, I was thinking of you, or hey, I think you're amazing. I just wanted to let you know, send a voice memo, do something like that. Connect with someone and celebrate them. So I challenge you. Whenever you're feeling comparison, send a quick text to acknowledge someone or connect with someone or celebrate someone. So even if it begins with that, you're going to notice every time you do that. If you catch it and make that a habit, you're immediately going to feel better. So what about judging? So when we're judging someone, we again are robbing ourselves of that moment, right? We're robbing ourselves of our joy. And what we're doing, really, when we are judging people is we're immediately feeling like we are being judged as well. The more that we judge people, the more that we feel that we are being judged. Isn't it crazy how that happens? So really judgmental people are always afraid, I find. They're afraid to put themselves out there. They're afraid to put their message out there. They're afraid to share what, how they really feel because they're afraid that people are going to judge them back. So the second that we stop judging, we get more brave to put ourselves out there because we don't feel like the world is such a judgmental place, right? The world is just a mirror for us. So the more that we judge, the more we feel we're being judged. So what can we do instead of judging? Well, judging is one of those things that can take a whole lot of time out of our lives. So if you ever notice yourself judging, something that you can do again is you can celebrate the person. You can, you can immediately look for the good, you can find compassion. But also, if you find that you're judging a lot at home or you're doing this on social media, pick up a book, go learn something, replace it with learning. You'll notice how much you're gonna start reading instead of judging. And how when you fill your mind with interesting things and beautiful things from, or information about something that really makes you feel good, something you're interested in the world is going to feel like a lot safer, more supportive place for you. So the next one is blame. Whenever we find that we're blaming someone, right? I can't do it because of my spouse. He's holding me back. She's holding me back. They're holding me back, whatever it is, right? Or I can't do this because my mother was like this to me, or my father was like this, or I went through this in my childhood. We spend so much time in this place of this is why I can't. We give all of our power to the fear. We give all of our power to the why we can't instead of giving our power to the why we can and why we will. Every successful person that I interview on this podcast and that I've ever met spends no time in the why I can't, or that this is where I got stuck, or I'm blaming my parents, or I'm blaming this situation. They use it to make themselves stronger. They take action. So whenever you feel yourself in the blame, take one baby step, right? Blame means take a baby step instead. You don't have to live there, right? You can take that and you can use it as your strength. Because this happened, I will persevere because I was raised like this. I will prove that you can be happy because this person did this. I will make sure that I take my happiness into my own hands, right? Also, the next one that I have down here is numbing out. When we find ourselves totally numbing out. Going back to the refrigerator for the fifth time, going back to the pantry, grabbing another handful of nuts, doing. Going to the fridge because we're bored. Scrolling again. Going on Instagram for what feels like the 50th time to check and see if anyone commented on your picture or to go and look at everybody's stuff. You guys, these are all moments that are robbing us of our lives 13 minutes at a time, trying to get back on track. So when you're numbing out, go be productive. Go play outside. Go do some productive play. Go for a walk again. Go read a book. When you're numbing out, I thought something really fun could just be to go play, right? Because when you're numbing out, you're trying to escape something. So I also believe that play is productive. So why don't you just go play? Go do something that's actually good for you. Go for a walk, go to the beach, go play with your child, Go call somebody that you love. Whatever makes you happy? Go do that instead of numbing. Because the numbing is just a really bad form of trying to comfort ourselves. It's a really addictive, negative form of trying to comfort that actually pulls us back and really robs your soul of its joy, right? It really makes you feel terrible. So when you're numbing, go do some productive play. Because why not? You're wasting that time anyway. You might as well go play and do something where you're connecting to someone or you're actually enjoying yourself, or you're out on a bike ride and you're letting nature just nurture you. Right? Go listen to a beautiful song. Go close your eyes and listen to every single lyric. Go listen to an amazing podcast, or even watch an incredible movie. I mean, it's still better than doing something that makes you feel terrible. At least that first step of watching a movie, that that's inspiring. I said incredible. Inspiring. Amazing, right? At least it's gonna lift your spirits. It's gonna get you into a better place than when you're going down that negative spiral.

With the holidays and the new year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade and freshen up your environment. And there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than Blinds.com. blinds.com brings your space to life. In your way. They have free help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over 100 design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit Whether you want to DIY have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast, you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure. From blackout in motorized options to classic shutters, blinds.com has window treatments for every room, style and budget, even shades for your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your chance to save big. And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout. Limited rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've Become the boss, you become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever, that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started, you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand. Setup is fast. With Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to dot com happy that shopify.com/happy here your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side.

So you guys, I want you to do this if you're not in your car and if you're at home, you can pause me right now. Go get a pen and paper. I want you to write these columns. I want you to write comparison, judgment, blame and numbing. Comparison, judgment, blame and numbing. And I want you to honestly answer how many minutes a day you think you're spending in each of these. Because every time that you spend more time in them, you're pulling from your dreams. And it's a choice. We're choosing to compare, we're choosing to judge, we're choosing to blame and we're choosing to numb. And remember the world is a mirror so that every time that we do these things, it's just reflecting back at us. This is what we're living, this is what we're creating in our lives. So instead, I want you to write down under comparison, write, acknowledge, connect and celebrate. Under judging, I want you to write learning or reading. Under blame. You can write, take action, baby. Steps and under numbing write productive play or action. So you guys, you can keep these up. You can keep these up at your desk. You can keep this in your wallet. You can keep this wherever you can see it. It's a reminder that you're in control of your life. It's a reminder that you are choosing. It's a reminder that you're the creator of whatever you are feeling. That is the hard truth. And the hard truth is what sets you free. You guys, we have this one life, and it's really up to us to not only create our happiness, but we know that the reason why our happiness is so important is because when you're happy, you can elevate the world. You can elevate those around you. And when you're not, you can't think of anyone but yourself. Nobody but yourself. You can't think of giving back. You can't think of wanting to be of service. You can't think of wanting to even cheer someone else up, hold the door or smile because you are so in your own world of comparison, judgment, blame, numbing, feeling bad, whatever it is that that bubble makes the world so small and scary, that we are not of service to. To anyone, right? We're probably actually draining someone or sucking the life out of someone or something. So your happiness is your top priority because it frees you to go and help other people. So do what you have to do. Go do a meditation, go say a prayer. Alter up whatever it is that you're feeling. Say, I need some strength to feel better, to make better choices. When I'm in a place where I'm comparing or judging a lot or numbing out or blaming, I pray. You know, I believe in God. Whatever you believe, higher power, whatever you want to say, source, Buddha, whatever it is that you believe, you know, I just say I don't want to feel this way anymore. God, please take this from me. I'm willing to feel differently. I'm willing to see this differently. Please help me shift my mood. Please take this from me. I'm willing to see this in a new way. And you guys, the more that I say that, the more I connect in and the more that I say, I'm choosing to look at it like this, however you want to see it, I'm choosing to celebrate this person. I'm choosing to have compassion. I'm choosing to think a new thought. That is how we reprogram. You are not stuck with who you think you are right now. Don't believe everything you think. It's probably not your thoughts, it's probably someone else's that you just stuck with and now it's replaying over and over. Because our minds are made to make our life easier. Not to make us feel good, right? They're made to make our life easier and they're just going to give you the most accessible thoughts that you desire or that not that you desire, but that you have been thinking the most often. So they're going to make those the easiest to access so that you can take the shortest route to those. So don't believe everything you've been thinking. Believe what you have been choosing and what you desire and you will create your life and it will manifest around the things that you think the most. So you guys, thank you so you so much again for tuning in. I hope that this helped. I would love to see a picture of your chart. Maybe your honest truth about what you've been thinking. You can send it to me on Instagram, whatever you want to do. You can tag me, let me know if this helped you and any other topics that you would like to hear. So you guys, I always. It means the world when you rate and review this. You can only do it on your computer from itunes. So if you would get it a five star rating and leave a comment that really helps me get incredible guests on because that is important to people. So you guys have the most amazing day and once again earn your happy. Have a good one. Bye guys. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your help happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.