193: How Pleasure Helps You SHOW UP BIGGER in Your Life and Business with Arielle Loren

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Welcome to the Earn your happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And you guys, if you are feeling isolated, if you're feeling like you don't have a tribe of women like minded people to really help you transcend from where you are right now into the person that you know you are being called to be, or maybe you're getting that soul calling and you're not quite answering it yet and it's turning more into a scream and it's starting to make you feel even more awful than the thought of facing the fear around doing that actual thing. If you're in any of these positions, you have to join me this year at the Bliss project. It is March 2nd through the 4th in Newport Beach, California and it is going to be a life changing weekend. If you've been wanting to bust through your fears and really meet a like minded tribe of people, this is exactly where you must be be. If you're feeling called to this, I want you to go check it out@theblissproject.info right now. It's also in the show notes and who is this event for? You guys really want to get clear on if you're feeling called to it. I want to make sure that you know what is going to go on there. So if you have always had a desire to do something big, but you've always been afraid to follow through, if you feel like you don't have the tools or the expertise to take the next step, if you wish you had that tribe of supportive people, if you're ready to take that next step into the next level, but you have no idea what that's even supposed to look like, or if you just want to feel more fully alive each day and this is absolutely for you, if you want a deeper connection and understanding in your relationships, if you want to become more fulfilled in your own job that you have right now and in daily tasks, if you want to know the true desires of your soul and if you're ready to enjoy the journey just as much as the destination. And truly, if you are feeling feeling called to expand your spiritual connection, we're going to be doing some incredible exercises, meditations. We have some awesome teachers who are going to come in and really give you the space to understand what that feels like for you. Because for everyone, it's so different. But to be able to do it together makes you feel even more connected than you've ever felt before. So if you're interested in meditation, if you want to create a solid foundation for all of your goals and dreams to be built on, or if you just need a mental reset, a confidence booster, and to really own own your own personal power, you guys, this is the place that you want to be. So there are still some tickets left, but they sell out fast. You guys, in this year will be the best Bliss project that we've ever done. We have a really amazing team working on it, and we're adding so many more things than we have ever done in prior years because I know that when I get the opportunity to put epic women into a room, I want magical things there so that you guys can truly have the tools to create your own amazing transformation and experiences. And you guys, what happens there is nothing short of miraculous. So if you're ready to create your transformation, if you're ready to step in, if you're ready to have your tribe, this is where you want to be. And I hope that you join us and that I get to meet you and hug you and see you there. So theblissproject.info com. Welcome back to the show and today's guest is Arielle Loren. She is a top business strategist. She trained at Harvard University, where she received both a master's degree in management and a graduate certificate in strategic management. She also holds a graduate certificate in international business management from Georgetown University and a bachelor's degree in social and cultural analysis and a certificate in producing from New York University. She is the CEO of the Ariel Lauren Agency, and she has her own team and she manages dozens of companies on behalf of her clients. She's also been featured in Fast Company, TechCrunch, Huffington Post and NPR. She specializes in digital marketing, business operations, business development, profit planning, and a variety of strategies that bring more ease to founders and entrepreneurs. And in our conversation, we discussed all things on managing a business, creating a business, and managing your life. And I really love that we talked about the real stuff, the Tough stuff that comes with your dreams. So, you guys, it doesn't matter if you are building out a business or not. This was about having a lifestyle that you love and setting boundaries in order to live a happy life. So let's get started. Ariel, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. Thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show.

Thank you, Lori, for having me. I'm super excited.

I don't know where to begin with you, and that makes me really excited because you are doing so many different things that really, I think are so. First of all, they light up my soul because it's just so great to be able to see all the stuff you're doing to bring more of the human into the experience of life and into business and into everything that we're doing. So for those people who may not be familiar with the work that you do, would you follow, fill in everyone with what you're doing now but why you got there and why you started doing what you're doing?

Absolutely. So I guess in the traditional sense, I own a marketing agency that primarily works with women entrepreneurs to build out high ROI campaigns and a lot of digital work. Everything from sales funnels to business operations. You name it, we actually do it. But with that being said, I have a really interesting kind of history in terms of how I actually got to owning my own marketing agency, which includes being a former sex columnist, to owning my own erotic magazine, primarily geared towards women, to also being a Kundalini yoga practitioner and instructor. And so I've had a very kind of diverse path to get to the point where I decided to pretty much shape my career around being in business, but really also understanding the personal development side of what it actually took for me to get to this point, which involved a lot of non traditional things and I think what is typically taught in business development.

Oh, I love that. So for you, was it like when you first went on these journeys, was it for you, was it because you needed these things?

Oh, absolutely. Everything, honestly, in my life is pretty much for me and everyone benefits as a result of it. But yeah, no, it's totally. I use myself as a test subject, you know, before I really put anything out into the world, you know. You know, before I started a marketing agency, I had my own business, you know, that was outside of, you know, doing business for other people. You know, when I decided to start my own, you know, erotic magazine, it was because I was going through my own personal journey of, you know, growing deeper into my sexuality as a woman and trying to figure out what it really meant to be sexually empowered and day and age. And so everything starts with me and then I just share really openly and share really authentically. And whoever it touches, then that's who it's meant to touch.

Amazing. Would you share what it means to you to be sexually empowered?

I think it's a. It's a. It's a path of constant exploration, I think. I don't know if it's like a fixed destination for me. It's more so along the lines of really just paying attention to my desires are. And also it is not even just in a purely sex form. I think it's just also really deepening my senses, tapping into my sensuality, infusing pleasure into my life. And even the simplest things, whether it's choosing to eat certain types of foods that make me feel really yummy inside or deciding to take 10 extra minutes to, you know, properly, like, put lotion on myself and massage my body versus just the typical quick slap and slather. Like, it's. It's all these little things, you know, that people don't think really make a difference, but it really just puts me back in touch with my body. And then the more I'm in touch with my body, I think the more open I'm able to be and the more that I'm able to even instruct, you know, my lovers or my partners, like, what it is that I really desire from the sexual and physical space.

That's. First of all, the old slap and slather.

It's hilarious.

It's true.

It is true.

I'm lucky if I even do that sometimes. So why are we so afraid of that? Why are we so afraid, do you think? You know, because this. This is. I'm seeing just massive parallels. I feel like what we're afraid to ask for, you know, as far as what lights us up in our life, as far as what's pleasurable to us, is the same. It's the same feeling. It's that same fear of what we're afraid to ask for in a business meeting or from a business partner or from submitting something, you know, that. That we want to express or get out or share with the world.

Why?

Where does that come from?

So it's funny that you actually bring that up because, you know, one of the core beliefs that I have and the reason that I focus so intimately on particularly encouraging women to tap into their sexuality and their sensuality is because. Because I personally think that is often one of the Most uncomfortable areas for women to master. And if you can master that, then I think you walk differently and you show up differently in other areas of your life, which includes business. And so for me, often I notice a woman who is really in touch with her body, you know, really tapped into her sensuality, really tapped into her sexuality and all of those things. The way she walks through the world, the way she moves through the world is very different, you know. And I noticed, even for myself, I didn't get to the point where I was fully comfortable and sitting in my seat and my power as a CEO until I did that work, you know, on myself. And it's not just, I think this is not to say that women can't be really successful CEOs without being sexually empowered. I just think it's the type of CEO that you are. And so I could really be, you know, this boss bitch who is like super in her masculine and like raw, or I could like lead from, you know, both sides, my masculine and my feminine, and know how to navigate that flow, know when to tap into my intuition and use my body, but also know when to put my foot down and really have to step into my masculine and lay out some real structure and rules and boundaries, you know. So it's, it's that constant flow that I think is what makes us so special and empathetic and so powerful, I think as women and our ability to really lead. I think in this day and age.

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Oh man, I you said so many things there that I'm just amending to right now. I'm just nodding in my chair, but I want to call out one specifically because I feel like it's one of the biggest things that I'm sure that you hear too is is boundaries. Because a lot of times you have to create these incredible boundaries and they're scary because they can often make us fear that we will not be loved or that people will view us as A right. It's like, oh, if I put this boundary up, maybe people will think, oh, she won't do that for me, or see she's not very nice, or they'll try to poke these different holes. Obviously, this is coming from my own insecurities that I'm sharing with you right now. So when we talk about boundaries, can you share maybe some different ways that you start to enforce boundaries and why, why do we need them so desperately?

So I think that boundaries are part of having clear communication.

Right?

And I think clear communication is something that we should all be constantly striving for and working towards in every area of our lives, both in business and on a personal kind of relationship level. Without clear communication, without saying, you know, this is what I expect from you, this is what I need from you, you know, et cetera, et cetera, then we set ourselves up for really grave kind of disappointment and for things not to be done the way that we need them to be done. And so I think it starts with one establishing boundaries and clear communication from the beginning of any relationship that we're walking into. So it's like when you hire that new person or you go into that new business partnership, it's like take the time to actually lay out, like this is what the expectation is. This is what I expect to be paid. This is what we should do in the event of this potentially happening. Really just throw it all on the table so that you guys really up front can get to know each other in a way that's not like you showing up with this facade or this other person showing up as this facade is not really an honest way of relating. So yeah, it's super important. But I always say, like, start from the beginning, like don't wait until your buttons have been pressed a thousand times to like finally say something.

Oh man, it's so good. Because, you know, I'm thinking of all of the times that I've set boundaries and those, those moments before where you just feel ill, like you kind of almost have to go to that place. So I want to know what you do. Like, you know, even when I was dating my husband is a long ass time ago. It's like let's see, 15, 16 years ago now. But I remember I had just come out of a really, it was an amazing relationship, but it was equally as horrible because of lack of boundaries, lack of clear communication on both ends. And I remember being like, this is not going to happen again. Like I have to be really clear from up front what actually sets me off Because I don't. I, like, did not believe that I was a jealous person unless certain things were going down. And I just showed up so jealous in this other relationship, and I hated it. Right. I hated myself in the relationship because of it. So with my husband, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna have to say these things, and I just have to be okay with risking losing something that hasn't begun yet, because maybe, you know what I mean, like, saving myself from this same cycle over and over. So where do you go? You know, because you are risking it all sometimes when you put those boundaries up. But where do you have to go in order to push yourself through that scary part of. I could lose this. Like, I could lose everything, but I have to know how worth it it is.

Yeah. I think that there's no way to lose something that's meant for you. Right. So, like, all relationships are. Yeah, you know, because, like, all relationships at some point are meant to transition in some way or aspect. And so for me, when it comes to needing to communicate with someone that I love or that I'm working with or I have a business partnership with, it's like, if this person is meant to be in my life, then they're going to be open to having this conversation about this particular thing that's pressing my buttons. So, yes, I do my best definitely to have these conversations as early as possible. I don't like to let things fester. And so, as uncomfortable as it may be for me not to say anything, a problem. And if you have a really great partner, whether it's romantically or business wise or whatever it is, they're gonna pick up on things and they're gonna say things too. Like, oh, you know, I noticed that you got really upset at that, you know, meeting that we did, or you had this look on your face or your energy shifted or, you know, whatever. And it creates a space for you guys to have that dialogue, to be like, yeah, you know what? That particular situation really bothered me. Or something. As simple as. For me, when I'm with my clients and I'm doing the work that we do, I know how I get when I'm in certain modes of work. If I'm running an event, it's like, I only want to talk about things related to this event right here, right now. Don't ask me anything that's not related to me showing up. And that was a conversation that I had to have with one of my clients and my business partner and my team, because otherwise it was Arielle you know, what do we do about this? What do we do about that? How about this? Like, et cetera. And it was driving me crazy, you know, but it's like, if I didn't say anything and I just kept it all inside, well, then, yeah, I'm gonna be walking around being really uncomfortable and annoyed when I can literally just make a simple request. A simple request. And then all of a sudden, it's like, yeah, like, no problem. You know, not an issue. My fault. Like, we'll make sure we'll table all those questions, you know, until the end. I'll be more mindful of that. And it doesn't mean that it has to be perfect on the other side. It just means that there's greater awareness that's brought to whatever it is that's not working for you. And I think that's how we move forward. That's how we make progress. It's that constant dialogue and that constant communication.

Oh, my God, yes. I mean, I just have to re quote you. You can't lose something that wasn't meant for you. That's so brilliant. I mean, it just resonates so deeply, and it's so fun. Freeing. Right? And also, just everything that you said about what we carry in resentment without even realizing it, is so draining that it's like once you realize the freedom of a boundary and what that gives you, it's almost like you get that taste in your mouth and you're like, where else can I put a boundary?

Yeah.

So amazing.

It's so true.

So what for you has been, you know, I can only imagine how long the journey has been of just self awareness, because we all go on these incredible journeys, and it's till the end of our life. Right. But what is some right now that's hard to communicate for yourself or something that you're working through? Setting a boundary.

Oh, wow. You know, I think for me right now, it's really setting boundaries in terms of work. I'm in a really big transition in my business right now, where one of my former clients is becoming my business partner, which is a major shift. You know, in terms of originally, probably what I thought the vision for my company was gonna be. You know, originally, I started my agency to, you know, serve multiple women entrepreneurs, and I've been doing that. But, you know, when I looked at kind of the work and where I was experiencing the most pleasure and the most joy, it was with this particular client. And so when she really approached me and was like, listen, you know, I really want you to come on and be a partner in my company, like, really help me run this. You know, for me, it was like, wow, like, I need to, one, make a decision if this is what I want. And it was what I wanted. And then two, like, from that space, like, you know, kind of start the process of what it means to make that transition with the rest of my clients. And so it's been a lot of negotiations and boundary setting and, you know, laying down kind of what transition plans are and closeouts and what I can do and what I'm not willing to do. And also just being someone who generally, like, just has a habit at times of over giving. And so I always like to show up at 200%, you know, and so now when my time is being, like, kind of pulled in multiple directions, you know, I'm in this space where I'm just like, wow, I can't do this anymore. I can't give 200% to every person. And it's hard. It's bringing up some hard conversations because my clients are used to getting that right. And so it's like, all these extra services that you give me that technically aren't in my contract, you know, I'm not getting those anymore. And I've had to have some really tough conversations, which has not been, like, pleasurable or fun. But what has been pleasurable is, after I'm done with those conversations, how relieved I feel. I feel so much better. And there's never any bad blood, you know, between me and my clients. We're all like family, and it's really amazing. But it's like them being clear about what, you know, their expectations should be. Me being clear about what my expectations should be like. Like that back and forth is. Has been really, really. Yeah, like an amazing kind of valuable learning lesson for me.

You just gave so much good insight. And honestly, man, I love podcasting because I just get poured into. So thanks for that. But permission to change, right? It sounds like you have a really great relationship with giving yourself permission to not have to be the same person at all times. And I think that's where we get so stuck. You know, I'm writing a book right now, and I'm finishing it, and it's changed a lot of things in my life as to how I have to show up in different relationships. And kind of like you, I was used to giving so much to just my audience and different, you know, people like that. But with a book, you have to, like, go inward so much that you almost have to withdraw. So it's like this dance of what you want to give people, but what you also need to store creatively and also give yourself to recharge. So what do you do when you. When you feel that change coming on? I know you kind of just talked about it, but are there things that you do personally to, you know, like, self soothe yourself, let it be okay. Like, because I know that you probably dance back and forth with the. The thoughts that are not awesome to allowing yourself to get to the space where, you know, you need to go, oh, my gosh.

So I love that you said permission to change, because that is, like, literally the core of what I feel like is happening right now, particularly in my life. And it's such a great way to put it. And I think, especially for all of your listeners, like, give yourself permission to change. Like, you have the right to change your mind. Like, you're not stuck in any situation or any relationship or any contract. Like, you reserve the right to change your mind. Now, of course, are there consequences to potentially changing your mind? Absolutely. But sometimes that's really work. And so my process is usually when I feel it coming. And it's funny because it goes back to this kind of metaphor that I've heard Oprah give before when she talks about how when the universe is nudging you in a new direction, at first it starts as a whisper, and then you get a few kind of pricks. And then if you just completely don't listen, you get two by four on the head. And so for me, I know, like, okay, I feel it coming. It's whispering in my ear. I need to kind of start saying something. I need to start opening up and having the conversation and being honest and having clear communication. Because if I don't, I'm gonna get two by four, and then what's gonna end up happening is I'm gonna be in a situation where I could have just had the hard conversation two months ago, but because I waited, now it's turned into something bigger than it had to be. So it's also me just choosing to be gentle with myself and realize that Rome doesn't have to be built in a day. So it doesn't mean that, like, all right, I feel this nudge to change, and then all of a sudden, you know, I need to have big conversations with every single person in my life within 24 hours. Otherwise, I'm not being obedient to the path that the universe has laid out for me. No, it just means that, okay, I hear it, I feel it. Okay, what does that look like me getting clear visioning, like, okay, what does the change look like? What is it that I really want? How's the direction of my life changing? What do I want it to look like? Et cetera. And then after I'm clear about the vision, going back and saying, okay, now how do I get from where I am today to where I want to be? And how can I do that kind of incrementally? So it's like, all right, I'm going to call this one client and I'm going to start having the conversation. I'm going to call another client maybe next week, and I'm going to start having the conversation. So it doesn't have to be this big thing that wipes you out for 48 hours, because it's just, you know, everything's a process. Change is a process. So why do you have to make it something that's, you know, this really intense thing? It doesn't have to be that way always.

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You'll be glad you did it so good.

I love that you can. You can have a Nudge Life or a 2:2 by 4 life. Yeah, we get to pick. You know, there's. I feel like you just gave so much wisdom on following more often. Like just those little soul hits because we get them all the time. But it's like we've become so good at picking up our phone and numbing it out or going to the kitchen to grab something to eat or going and Doing something that we're good at to just kind of like get those quick dopamine hits rather than those long serotonin like things that actually make you happy. So you kind of talked about having these, you know, paying attention to the nudges, but also how does that apply to conversations? You run a business, you work with a lot of different people. And I feel like the more that we can have those conversations that are uncomfortable, the more that they become. It's almost like I want to change the language around it. Right? Like making the uncomfortable comfortable because I'd rather have a million little matches that you put out every day rather than letting them mount up to this massive forest fire that you cannot put out or just take takes control of everything or demolishes everything. So how do you make sure that all of these things that come up when you are in business, when you're putting yourself out there, when you're really trying to navigate these relationships and keep them, you know, in a way that you want to keep them nurtured, how do you make that a part of your daily life?

Yeah, you know, it's interesting because this also for me goes back to how I feel in my body, right? So usually I first discover the nudge by like a feeling that I get in my stomach when it's related to a particular person. So I've had clients in the past where they've sent me a text message and my stomach will not up. I don't even know what they said. I just see their name pop up on my phone and I'm like, oh man.

Yes.

So it's like red flag. You have some communication that you need to do and that you need to work on. So I mean, I've had that happen for me and then I think moving forward it's like you can ignore it like I said, and then get hit by a two by four or you can just say, hey, maybe you have another call that's scheduled coming up and just earmark some time at the end of the conversation. Hey, there are a few things that I wanted to run by you or maybe start the conversation that way. I've been personally feeling like X, Y and has been transpiring. You know, I really would love to kind of add some solutions or bring some solutions to, you know, whatever X, Y and Z is. Here are like one or two things that I think could help this situation. What do you think? You know, and make it like an open dialogue versus, you know, maybe a hardcore, like this is what it needs to be and this is how you need to fall in line and, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Like, I think when you approach people and you're like, this is what's bothering me, this is what's going on. Here are some of my ideas for how to fix this. What do you think? It gives them an opportunity to be part of the solution and be part of the conversation. And even if you still feel like your idea is the best idea at the end of the conversation and that's what it needs to be, cool, that's perfectly fine. But at least you approached it as a conversation versus laying down the law. And I think that is what invites people to actually potentially open up and be part of, you know, the solution that needs to transpire.

So good. You know, I've had a lot of. Because we've had a lot of different employees now. Amazing employees. It's kind of like that was, that's been the hardest journey for me out of almost everything that I've done has been really having these conversations with people. But understanding how to begin the relationship now, like kind of how you talked about before, just how are you even starting that relationship with those boundaries and expectations and things like that. So that's been, that has been amazing self work for me. Relationships, right? So as far as you know, I was reading about all of your stuff and talking about looking at when people want to build a business and they want to create these amazing careers or things like that. How, how focusing on themselves. Maybe, maybe you find with your clients. Do you ever find that people come to you and they're blaming the business or they're blaming different things for not working? How do you end up looking at potentially maybe what they are, you know, how they're coming about it in terms of self work. Does that make sense? Did I, did I totally confuse you?

That totally makes sense. And I'm actually really glad that you brought it up because, you know, entrepreneurship in general is a very brave thing to do. It is not for the faint of heart. You know, I think it's been a little bit too romantic. Romanticized, you know, in the media and, you know, everyone wants this life of freedom and to be able to, you know, travel the world and be able to work from home and to, you know, be able to kind of set their own rules. But with entrepreneurship comes a lot of risk. And with risk comes a lot of stretching and personal development that's required to actually get into the space where you're, you're like comfortable with being uncomfortable. And it's not something that ever goes away. I don't care how much money you make, you just get bigger money things that you have to deal with. And so truthfully, it's like you have to do the personal development on yourself where you can be rooted and basically unshakable when shit hits the fan, because it will. I've had clients who have money issues, and I don't mean money issues in terms of cash flow, but I mean money issues in terms of. They have issues with, you know, like lack mentality or being scared to make investments or, you know, having made investments in the past, you know, with different, you know, businesses or, you know, projects or whatever they've worked on before. And, you know, just not having that situation, like, work out the way they wanted it to or growing up in a family that, you know, just didn't have a lot of money. And so they're just very, you know, uncomfortable, you know, with a lot of these things. And it's like, so when we get into situations where it's like, okay, you know, this is what needs to be invested for us to get this return on investment, you know, et cetera, et cetera, it's like that, that point A to point B, when you make the investment to when we actually, you know, double it and get it back. Like, it's like it can either be very peaceful where you're just like, I completely trust we've done what we were supposed to do. We showed up, we did the campaign, we wrote everything that we needed to, we hit the audience, we did the ads like, you know, et cetera, et cetera, you know, to, you know, oh my gosh, like, what's going on? And every five seconds, needing to check something, you know, because you're, you're nervous and you're panicked and you're not at peace. And so if you don't do that personal development work, it ends up being harder for like every person on your team, you know, just to deal with you and have to, you know, work with you. And it doesn't end up being a very long term, easy or pleasurable situation. And so for me, on my end, you know, I'm clear about what my stuff is. You know, going into relationships, talked about going into relationships with staff. So anytime someone comes on board to work with me, I lay it out. I'm like, listen, this is my stuff. I get hit with a lot of work. You know, you will work a lot at times. I do a lot of very last minute requests. So if you're not comfortable, if you're the person who, like, I need a week to complete an assignment. You don't want to be on my team, Trust me. Like, it's just. It's not going to work out. And so I think being very honest, again, that clear communication from the beginning, like, this is what you can come to expect and does this vibe with you, and if it does, awesome, let's do this, let's try it out. But if it doesn't go on your way and I wish you the best and whatever I can do to open a door for you with somebody else who might be a better fit for you, I'm totally open to doing that. But be clear. You have to be clear. You have to be honest about where you are and what it is that you expect. Otherwise it just turns into a big, you know, mess.

So true. We do. We do a lot of different launches and marketing and things like that, obviously, in our business. And it's so easy. It's so easy, especially when you work with a team, you know, when things don't go right. To blame someone. Right. To look at everybody else but yourself or like, oh, maybe we dropped the ball here, or someone dropped the ball here. Maybe it was these emails or the copier, any. Whatever it is, it's like, like you immediately when I start to look at things or I think it's great to, you know, obviously look at where you can improve, but it's the. It's the lens that you're looking through that has saved me. And I think that's pretty much going to be all across the board in business. It's the lens that you're looking through. Are you looking to get better and to see where you can improve, or are you looking to blame. So do you do any work around that for yourself sometimes, or with clients who are, you know, it's really easy to point the finger and be like, this is why it's not working. Or, here's what I think is happening. What do you do when someone's business is not working and they usually think it's everyone else?

Yeah. So, I mean, depending on what the issue is, I usually point them in a different direction. But I think one, just having some sort of personal spiritual practice where you can connect to, you know, your body and your individual intuition. Like that, for me, is usually what makes a lot of situations more smooth. It sounds so simple. Like, I mean, even just having a regular yoga practice every day I practice Kundalini yoga. So, you know, for instance, in the beginning of this year, I did 90 days, 90 consecutive days of 4am yoga, basically, because I was like, I need to get my mind as sharp and as clear and as purged as possible because I knew that this year was going to be a big year for me. But what that did was, you know, yes, like, of course it made me feel, you know, a lot lighter and a lot better, but it gave me this clear mind to be able to approach issues outside of my ego. So if there was something going on in my business or a campaign that I was running for a client, it was no longer about, you know, oh, you know, who dropped the ball or who did this or who did that, et cetera. It was like, okay, what's the issue? How do we fix it? Like, that was just bottom line. And then once we get through the launch, if it looks like it's something that long term is something that's repeatedly happening and it is falling on a particular person's shoulder, then, yeah, you have to have some clear communication with that person about, like, hey, I'm noticing this pattern. What do you think? How can we remedy this? How can we solve this? How can we work together? But having that personal practice where you're not lashing out on people. Because, I mean, one of the things that my team always tells me, my clients and always tell me they're like, oh, my God, you're always so cool under pressure. Like, I don't understand, like, how you don't flip. And I'm just like, I don't flip because, like, 90 days of Kundalini. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I do the work on myself not to flip. You know, could I. Of course, like, you know, when things go not the way that I want them to go, like, you know, does that mean that I don't have a slight, you know, ego, like, snap second? Like, yeah, of course I do, but the difference is that I have that ego, like, second. And then I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Calm down, breathe. Do a yoga exercise, or just take a moment to center yourself, et cetera. Okay, walk away. Maybe you need to go outside. Maybe you need to go for a swim in the ocean. You know, maybe you need to have sex. Maybe you need to do all these things to kind of, you know, get out of your head and then come back to the issue with a more open mind and be able to actually, like, have the conversation about, like. Like, how can we have solutions to this? Because I think focusing on the problem doesn't really do anything in the moment. You know, like, we need to fix it. So that's where. Where the brain power needs to stay. And that's where I like to keep my brain.

Yes, It's. We're constantly either just feeding that habit of slowing down in space, or we're feeding that habit of, like, reactivity and, and you know, like, where can I look? What else can I do? It's. It's so crazy. That monkey mind or that giving yourself space and I can't even believe what giving you just that simple practice that you just said of giving yourself space and allowing for it to settle, like, for it to hit and for it to actually be like, is this a big deal or not? Does this really matter? Can I give myself time? Where's the solution? What can I do next? It is just like, absolutely game changing, especially for a business owner or anyone in a relationship, right?

Absolutely. I mean, and for me, that's why I actually created the Driven workshops. I mean, it's really just to give women the opportunity to create that space for themselves, you know, so that we can come together and even if it's just for, you know, one day work in spaces that are outside of our traditional business operations, like, let's get together, you know, let's breathe together, let's dance together, let's move some creative and sexual energy together, you know, let's, you know, get to know our positive mind and our negative mind and ourselves and connect with each other and cry and laugh. Like it's all of those things that come together, you know, in this workshop. Because I just looked and I saw like, you know, in my own agency, along with my friends who are entrepreneurs that we need these spaces and we need these practices and these tools to experiment with and to try out to see what actually works for us in like, how we can, you know, use, you know, a lot of these techniques as an opportunity to kind of incorporate it into our own personal lives and to help ourselves as we, you know, thrive and grow in our businesses.

Okay, I love this. I want to talk more about your workshop because I. I do an annual event every year too, that I'm like, I think people, you know, when you hear about events, it's like, it's so amazing that you get to put them on because you get to create the content that you feel has really rocked your own world and changed your life, which I'm sure is exactly where this came from for you. So tell me more about it. Why did you create it and what is your favorite thing that you do there and why oh.

So, you know, for me, it was really just like a space for women to come together and to just experiment with all these different techniques that I've personally discovered that have worked in my life. And so is it because you were.

Lacking space before or you felt you didn't have that clear space?

Absolutely. And it's still a practice to this day of me saying, you know what? I need to create some space. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. So it's a constant, ever evolving thing. I don't think you ever get to a point where you don't need to create space or be intentional about creating space. So, yeah, but for me, I mean, with the workshops, the techniques change. So it's not the same workshop every city that we show up in. It's a very kind of organic thing because for me, I'm very intuitive and I like to feel out the room. And so if I'm looking and I'm seeing and we're talking and it feels like, you know what, we need to have a dance break and we need to do some kind of dancing, raw drumming, like movement to really, like, work this energy through our bodies, then we're going to do that. Or if it needs to be more of a silent, deep breathing, deep connecting, stillness exercise, then we're going to do that. If it needs to be where we need to turn to our partners and look another woman in her eyes and just witness her truth, witness what she's struggling with, witness her greatness and the things that she's excited about and just hold space for her, then we're going to do that. So it depends on what exactly is needed in the room. But, but for me, the workshops are so sacred to me because it's an opportunity for women who are in business to really connect with each other, whether they're just kind of high powered career women working in the business world or whether they actually own their own companies. Either way, I've had both executives and entrepreneurs come together and it's just been amazing what we've been able to create.

So beautiful. I talk to a lot of entrepreneurs and women who are really achieving and going after everything that they've ever dreamed of. And, and I think from the outside, a lot of people, especially podcast listeners, because, you know, they're most likely high achievers as well, especially consumption of self development. And, you know, sometimes it can feel like you can never get satiated with it. If you are an overachiever. Do you ever struggle with overachieving or perfectionism? And what does that look like for you if you do?

Yeah. So overachieving is, for me, shows up as me trying to take on too many things. And so. And so what I realized is that my greatest achievements, whether that is making a certain amount of money that I'm trying to hit in terms of a big financial goal, or whether that is just trying to reach some sort of mark in my life for my career or my personal love life or whatever it is, usually doesn't work if I take on too many things in too many projects and too many clients and too many people. And so. So for me, actually, this upcoming year is really about simplifying. It's really about what works. Really looking at kind of what they call like that 8020 rule. And so it's like, what's the little bit of what you do that really impacts the 80% of your life? That, for me, is what the gold is. And I think that you can step out. I can step outside of the overachieving barrel where I. I'm just constantly rolling and rolling and rolling into new projects and new things and saying too many yeses and getting myself just, you know, really overworked when I could be so much more happy and productive and of my greatest purpose and my greatest use to society through simplifying and picking the things that really mean something to me and are really having the greatest impact and bringing me the greatest joy in life.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Like what? Seriously, I just did that this last year, and I'm still. I will work on it for the rest of my life. But what's the 20 bringing you the 80? Like, it's game changing. It really makes you take a big look at your life of what you're doing just because you can or you're good at it or you think you should or, you know, maybe you see something that someone else is doing, you don't even realize it. Sometimes subconsciously we can just feel that urge to do more. Because you can. And you, you know, you have the ability to. But what does that show up like in your life for you when you take on too much? What's the feeling? What are the thoughts? You start thinking, where's your energy at? How does your body feel?

My body feels like I just want to stay in bed and watch Netflix. That's like the automatic. Like, I know something's about to be wrong. Yeah. If I start binge watching a series, it's like, wait a minute, what's going on? You're avoiding something. And usually the avoidance is Just because I'm overworked, and I'm like, if one more person texts me, if one more person asks me about something, you know, it feels like it's a constant, like, 3,000 people, you know, grabbing at me. And I'm just like, you know what? That is not how I want to feel. I need to put some, like, clear communication in place in terms of what it is that I need and what is it I want. And then, yeah, I might need to give myself permission as well to maybe take a beach day. Maybe I do need just one day of binging out on Netflix. But then I need to get up the next day and say, hey, this is what needs to change. This is what's going to go down. This is my new schedule, et cetera, et cetera. So I think it's a constant dance for me is what I notice with making sure that I'm not being overworked or not doing too much.

Oh, my God. You just totally explained me. I was like, parallel life. I'm like, I can absolutely see it. Come on. When I'm like, why? I mean, I never watched the Hallmark Channel. Why have I watched three Christmas movies in a row? Like, what is going on right now? So true. Okay, so. Okay, so I've had this experience. I want to see if you've had it, because a lot of times we create what we want and what we desire and what we need. So I know you do a lot things of different. Different workshops, and I also create events and things like that that I love and create these spaces for people that I dream of having or being in so that I can also get that experience. But one time, I was on stage at one of my own workshops, watching all of these women connect and hug and cry and laugh, and I was like, oh, my God. I don't really have these spaces in my life. Which then spurred me to really find my own tribe where I could be fully raw, be fully me, be fully supported. So what are some things that you do? As an entrepreneur, as someone who's always doing these things, as someone who's always showing up as the leader, how do you support yourself and really have that tribe of women for yourself?

I think it's sometimes just taking time out to, you know, whether it's grabbing brunch with a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends or going to specific retreats that I feel like might, you know, speak to my body and speak to my soul and my spirit. It's travel. It's really just kind of a variety of things. That I do to, you know, nurture myself. Because I think there's a difference between leading a tribe, you know, being holding space as a facilitator and as a coach, you know, at your own workshop and events. And also, you know, the difference being like when you are kind of wanting to be more on the receiving end and wanting to connect with women and nurture your own kind of soul, creating more intimate spaces and kind of non business spaces to actually kind of do that in. So yeah, it's a mix of multiple things that I do to kind of feed me.

What's the feeling that you get when you know, it's time to connect and recharge?

Oh, you know what, it's not like having, having clarity. I'm usually who's very clear about like a lot of things. And so if things start to get, you know, very wishy washy or like not just clear, it usually means that I haven't taken the time out for myself. And you know, interestingly enough, like one of my business partners, she said to me, she was like, you should really consider turning your phone off for 24 hours and just having like a home vacation and getting clear about what it is that you want now. Because I think oftentimes when you experience like fast growth and you hit that kind of long term goal, you've been speaking into existence, you know, for the last like, you know, couple of years and you get to this point where you have everything that you pretty much asked for and you're like, okay, what's next? And you know, not giving yourself the same space. I mean, I started this journey like you know, almost 10 years ago, you know, being, you know, in Brazil, moving out there, taking eight months of being like disconnected from the world and setting the vision for what it was that I really wanted to create. And you know, I haven't, I can't remember the last time I took eight months out to do anything.

Totally.

Yeah. And it doesn't have to be that I have to take eight months out, but you know, you know, even just saying, you know, what for these next two weeks, you know, I'm going to be, you know, on this particular island, you know, at this hotel, my phone's not gonna be available, I'm not checking email, like, and I'm just gonna really get clear about what the vision needs to be. That for me is I think essential in every entrepreneur, every woman's life. I think it's so important and I think we have to give ourselves permission to take that me time. It's really important.

Oh, man. So I'm in this space right now of my life where I just. There's so many different projects, but I'm excited about all of them. But I'm also kind of like, well, these are all the projects that I've been waiting for, like, my whole life. So I'm like, what's after this? It's like getting back. When you get to this place now, I just want to backtrack and let people know. Like, it takes a long road to get to that place where you can be like, wow, I actually have everything in my life. Like, I've manifested everything I wanted to do. And let me tell you, that has been massive self work and just a lot of different things going on, you know, that had to go down for me to get to this place. And I'm sure, just like you, but how do you. For those people who feel content, who feel good, who feel happy, they have that business that they're enjoying. Of course, there's always places we'd love to go, right? But how do we get back into that fiery place where you're so motivated and excited and reignited into that creative space? Because sometimes it's. It's like my husband always says, good is the enemy of great.

Like.

Like my life is really good. But I enjoy living from that fiery place. What do you do if you don't have the time and you're in the projects now? I'm just like, witnessing myself saying, I don't have the time to connect back into that place.

I think that you said something really important. You talked about, like, that fieriness. But I think you have to be ready to step back into the fire, because I think that after you get finished with the race, you don't start another race immediately. There's that time you're like, whoa, shit, Like, I just ran my heart out, you know? And I think that there is some time where you just need to rest and then there's time that, you know, you can then start your planning again and then the planning begins. But you don't necessarily execute because it needs to percolate. It's really like a birth process, you know. One of the ways women that I've been watching do some really amazing work is Kate Northrup and the work she's been. Yeah, the work she's been doing, you know, just around, like, you know, motherhood and, you know, women and planning, you know, and like, understanding the cycle of what it really is to bring an idea into fruition from the time that it first becomes an idea all the way to the planning, to the execution, and then the rest phase. Like, all those things are really important. So, you know, I think you have to know what phase you're in, and then, you know, if you are in kind of the idea phase, like, let the ideas pop up, you know, don't feel like you have to act on them, like, immediately and see which one kind of hits you at your center. And then, you know, when you start the planning process. Yeah. You know, maybe you do need to take some time, and it doesn't have to be like, a whole, you know, eight months or two weeks. Like, maybe it's just like, you know, my business partner said, shut your phone off for 20, 24 hours. No one's gonna die. You know, like, so it's things like that that I think are really doable. Picking what needs to be done for you. I mean, I've had situations where I've just checked into a local hotel just because I needed a change of scenery and I needed something that kind of took me outside of my typical normal workspace to be able to think differently and to be able to approach kind of the new vision differently. So. So, yeah, I think there are a lot of kind of different things you can do. But again, you have to be in that phase where you really are ready to step back into the fire. And don't rush that process, because when it's time for you to step into the fire, you'll step into the fire and it'll be right. Be on time and, like, you'll do what needs to be done.

Oh, my God. So good. And that just landed, like, that's exactly. That landed. So what is something that you wish more people would ask you that you don't normally get asked?

Oh, wow. What is something that. You know what? Honestly, I can't say that there's anything in particular that people don't ask me. Just because I've had so many careers between, like, you know, being a former sex columnist all the way.

That's true.

Owning my own marketing agency. I think I'm probably one of the people that most people will ask damn near anything. And. And I like that. Like, I think that that, for me, is, you know, one of my strong points, that people feel like they can talk to me and communicate with me. One of my best friends always says to me, she's like, I don't know a single person who doesn't like you. Like, it's just you get along with everyone. Like, it's. It's one of those gifts. It's one of those things because people feel like they can talk to you. And that. For me, yeah, like, it just kind of makes it pretty transparent and pretty open. So, yeah, I don't have another. Any questions in mind.

You know, that's so interesting because you. You kind of have that. I mean, you have the titles that open people up. So when people. When you meet people, it's kind of like, well, I've done this, this, this and that. So they're. They feel very comfortable around you. Do you have any advice for people that. I mean, I immediately felt like I could just, you know, like, settle in and talk to you about anything, and it's been fantastic. But how. What's some advice you could give for people who maybe we don't get to introduce ourselves with? Hey, you know, we can talk about anything. We can go there, we can go deep. We can create this connection so that people can feel and be more approachable and be able to go to those places and conversations where normally they couldn't.

I think it's part of it is just being willing to be a witness and to be really authentic in your communication. If you're. If you're speaking to someone, you can tell that something's wrong. Like, don't power through that conversation. Like, look at the person, say, hey, it looks like, you know, something's on your mind. You know, are you okay? Like, you don't want to talk about it, or, you know, what's going on, you know, and maybe that person might be like, oh, I'm fine. Like, you know, don't worry about it, etc. You know, then your reply is, okay, I just wanted to check in with you. Like, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because I can clearly see that something's on your mind. So just know that if you ever need to talk, you know, there's definitely a space. And even just doing that, it puts people at ease. That, one, you're witnessing them and you're paying attention and you're picking up on them. And two, you've established an open space for communication when they do eventually feel like maybe they want to reach out or open up to you. And that goes for any relationship. It goes for, you know, friendships, it goes for love, relationships, it goes for family, it goes for business. Like. Like all of these things. You know, I think the more authentic and honest that we can be about witnessing people and showing up ourselves and even just being honest about how we're feeling, I mean, how many Times does someone say, how are you? And the first thing you say is, oh, good, I'm fine. You know, you're not fine. Like, if you're having a shitty day, just say, like, you know what? I'm not having a really great day. I'm really stressed, overworked. I'm not feeling great. You know, and in that honesty, people will be like, wow. Like, that wasn't a bypass statement. That was, like, something real and honest about where she's at. And it doesn't always sound good. It's not always the, you know, maybe perfect response that someone wants to hear, but it's the honest response. And the more honest that you can be in, the more honestly you can show up. Like, that is what is going to open that space up for that communication.

So amazing. All right, so I would love for people to just know a little bit about what's going on in your world right now, what you're most excited about and where we can find you and follow you and all of that amazing stuff.

Absolutely. So, I mean, right now, I'm actually recruiting partners who, you know, want to bring the Driven Workshops to their city. And so you can go to driven workshop.com and you'll see an entire booking page with, you know, a video. You can reach out, you can talk to my team, and we can definitely kind of get that into conversation and see what that looks like. And then I'm also hosting a retreat in Maui, and this is in particular for any women who need to do some work around money, both from a very, like, business operational sense, but also from a kind of spiritual and mindset kind of sense of what it really means to call in, you know, financial, you know, abundance, inconsistency into your life. And so that retreat is called Money Magic Retreat, and you can find it@moneymagicretreat.com and it's in February 2018 in Maui, so it's gonna be really beautiful. Looking forward to it.

Awesome. That's amazing. I'm so excited that people have that opportunity to connect with you in that way, and I just want to acknowledge you for all of the work that you're doing in the world and how you show up, too. I've just had the best time having this conversation with you. So thank you for everything that you do, and thank you so much for coming on.

Well, thank you, Lori. I mean, honestly, I. I really like this interview because I just. It really felt like a conversation, and I know that, you know, you definitely have, you know, thousands of people who are listening, and I'm so glad that they were able to witness, you know, the conversation that we had. But, yeah, this has been really refreshing and awesome and amazing, and I'm just so glad that you created the space for me to be able to show up and to be able to communicate. So thank you. Sincerely. Fabulous.

Best compliment ever. Okay, so I'm. And I have it recorded so I can listen to it again. So I just want to close on this last question. So you are in an elevator. Yes. You're in an elevator for, like, 30 seconds with someone. It's only a couple floors. And they look over at at you. They're a total stranger, and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

Be honest. Yeah, be honest. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with other people. The more honest you are, the more happy you will be.

So beautiful. Thank you so much. And you guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends. And until next time, time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.