246: HOW to NOT Take It Personal

Foreign. Welcome to the Earn your happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love.

Junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I have been on my book tour and I have one stop left right now. Doesn't mean I won't add more later on because I will tell you that this has been one of the most fun things that I have ever done. Being in a room with you guys, talking about the stuff that matters most to us in the world. What is stopping us from connecting, what's stopping us from from going after our dreams, and what is stopping us from being happy? And I did not realize just how much I really, truly loved being in person with all of you. So there is one stop left that we have added right now, as of right now, and that is June 28th in Phoenix, Arizona. So you may still have a chance to get tickets if it has not sold out yet by this time. So you can go to loriharder.com forward/phoenix or you can go to A Tribe Called Bliss.com and you can scroll down to where we talk about the Phoenix event and you guys can still grab tickets for that. So I have one of my dear friends, Sarah Pendrick from Girl Talk Network joining me at this event and we are combining forces to have an amazing evening of discussion, Q A, book signing and pictures. So I hope that you can join us. It is going to be so much fun. And let me tell you, if you feel like you don't have a tribe yet, we're going to be connecting everybody at this event. So I hope that you can join us and I will see you all there. So again, loriharter.com forward/phoenix, make sure that you let your friends know about it if they are in Phoenix and you're not. And I can't wait. So today on the podcast, I want to talk to you guys about taking things personal. So I know Recently, I've talked about mastering your mindset. And it all boils down to mastering your mindset. The stories you're telling yourself after events happen in your life, and not taking things personal. I want you to think right now, if you did not take things personally in your life, what would you be able to do? What would you be able to do? And when I've asked this in all the rooms that I've been speaking in, everybody says they'd be happy, they'd be able to do whatever the heck that they've ever wanted to do. So we now know that the reason that we're not doing the things that we love and the reason why we're not doing the things that we were put here to do from our Creator is because we're worried about what other people think. And we know when we worry about what people think, we are literally putting ourselves in our own prison. Because people are always going to have an opinion. And I'll tell you that if you're not hearing opinions of people, you're not actually living your life the way it was meant to be lived. You're actually not being the person that you were put here to be. Because if you are being your true, authentic self, it should ruffle some things, feathers, it should make some people uncomfortable. I'm not saying this is your goal. I'm saying this is the truth. Because the only way that you're not upsetting people is if you are being a people pleaser and living only to please others and never rock the boat. This means so much of your personality is being suppressed. So if you're not upsetting people, if you're not getting feedback, if you're not getting opinions, this means that you are probably feeling rather resentful right now of not being able to be yourself because of living in fear. So I know you're like, oh my God, but I hate confrontation or I hate upsetting people. Okay? We all do. And it's not that you're doing this intentionally. It's that the more that you get used to living authentically, the more you realize that that is exactly the way that you are meant to live. And that you realize it is you. You go back once you start living authentically because it just feels so damn good. And for those of you who have started living in your truth, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If this is you, just say yes. You're just saying yes to yourself right now because this is why you were put on this planet. And the more you that you are. And the more me that I showed up as in these rooms, as I was going around and talking on this book tour, the more people would say thank you and they would feel like they would be able to show up as themselves. And let me tell you, the more you that you become, the more that you're attracting your tribe. And if people, if you're finding it really hard to connect with people or attract your tribe, it's most likely again because you are people pleasing and you're not actually showing who you are. So the people can't seem to find you. So when you first start being yourself, this is the tough part, right? And this is the part that if you can do this and when you do this. Not if I don't even want to use the word if. Because if you are listening to this podcast, I am praying you're not using it as entertainment. I'm praying that you're using it as a guide to be more you to live the life that you want to live. I am praying that my words land on your heart and they feel like freedom and truth and then you follow, follow through so that this can be your every single day experience. Is freedom and truth the opposite of suppression and people pleasing and resentment? There's no room for that anymore and it serves no one. So let me tell you, if you think that you are sparing anybody of pain by you not being yourself, the only thing that you're doing is adding pain to your own life. So what happens when we, when we become ourselves is sometimes people can start giving us feedback, right? They can start giving us their opinions, they can start telling us how they feel, they can start telling us what they're thinking of, whatever we're saying. And it's up to us on the other end to not take it personal. And I know that sounds okay. Well, easier said than done, right? That's what you're saying right now. Of course you're first going to take it personal. But the work then is to start learning how to, to release it is to start saying, this is my truth, that's okay. If it's not their truth, I'm going to let it go. I don't have to believe it. So what happens when people give their opinions is it is our choice. It is our choice if we choose to believe what they are saying or let it impact us. Every time somebody says something, it is simply through their paradigm and their lenses. So when people give their opinion, sometimes they're giving them because your freedom of expression is really going against their Idea that they believe they can be free as well. So if they're not allowing themselves to show up as their authentic selves, giving you an opinion and trying to make you stop you from being you, is the easiest way to make them feel like they don't have to confront their fears of needing to show up as their authentic self. So if we all just stay suppressed and if we all just stay in fear, then we don't have to face our fears, right? So sometimes when someone shines their light so bright or someone steps into their truth, it can scare a lot of people. It can ruffle a lot of feathers because that would mean that they have to take action as well, or that they can take action and they have the freedom to do it, or that they actually have the power as well to create their lives and not be victims of circumstances or events. And that can be a really scary place for some people. In the beginning, believe me, I've been there. Watching someone live so authentically, I'm like, whoa, that's really crazy. Like, maybe they shouldn't say that. Like, aren't they going to piss people off? And then I'm like, okay, why would that even matter to me, right? Why would it matter to me? What is, what is that triggering in me watching someone else live so authentically? Well, maybe I'm not living in my full authenticity and I am judging that person so that I can make myself feel better about me not showing up fully as I know I want to be showing up, right? Because the first way that we self preserve and make ourselves feel better about not living the way that we want and having the freedoms that we desire is by cutting someone down. Judging them, gossiping about them, giving our opinions, making them feel small because they have stepped out in a big way.

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Now, not taking it personal would absolutely free us for doing anything that we want to do in the world. And let me tell you, it's just about having a few people in your life that their opinions mean the most to you. Right? Just knowing whose opinions mean the most to you. Like Brene Brown does, write him, write those names on a piece of paper and unless they're the people saying it, do not worry about anything that people are saying. And sometimes you'll have a name on that piece of paper who does say something to you that's offensive and that is okay as well. Sometimes that requires a conversation, sometimes it means that you have to just let it go. Sometimes it's a family member and a lot of times the reason we don't do things is because of family members, right? Because we are not wanting to offend them, we don't want to hurt them. But sometimes it's even more important for us to live into our truth and come from a very loving place and let them know that this is our calling in the world. So it's really a massive practice, it is a self love practice to not take things personal, to know that when people project, it's simply a projection of their past, of a story of where they've been or of self preservation. And at the end of the day it's all going to pass in time, none of it's going to matter even in a week or two weeks or a year. And you'll never look back and think, oh my God, why didn't I spend more time worrying and taking that particular thing personal, right? So the quicker that you can get over it, the quicker you will live that amazing happy life. And again, if you're not getting opinions, if you're not ruffling feathers, if you're not getting comments, then you're probably not living into your truth and into your calling and really making sure that your intention is coming from a place of love and knowing that you're living into your purpose, then you just keep on going, keep on going. You're always going to get opinions. And I'm telling you, if you're not starting because of this, you will never, ever, ever start and you will always remain resentful. So right now I just want you to choose. I want you to see what the choices are that you're making, what the choices are that you're making. If you're telling yourself a story that you can't because your parents are going to care or your sister's going to care or these people are going to care or they're going to say this to you, then for the rest of your life you will be resentful, you will not be happy and it will only get worse. So it's about confronting it, it's about doing it with love and it's about learning that your work on the planet is to fully learn what it feels like to live your authentic truth and then to not take it personal. This is d work from you guys. If you think that you get somewhere and it's all fine and dandy and clear, you are wrong. It is almost a daily practice for me to not take something personal, whether it's an inbox or whether it's something that somebody says online or whether it's an email. This is a constant practice and I've put things in place so that you know, obviously if you're getting a lot of comments or you're getting a lot of emails in the beginning, maybe you need some customer service, right? Maybe you need to hire some people to help you with some social media. What do you need to do so that you're not fully affected by taking things personally and that it stops you in your tracks? Of course it's going to affect you, but the work is to say a prayer, Ask for forgiveness for that person, for yourself. Ask for more self love. Know that you are valuable no matter what someone is saying about you. Know that that person is offering you the world's biggest opportunity to have more compassion and more understanding for where can be coming from. And know that it is your job just to release them no matter what. Do not engage, release, forgive, let go, move on, live a happy life and know that your creator is ultimately so happy with you. Right? This is how we learn, this is how we grow and this is how we expand. It's all a part of it. And I'm sending you guys so much love and I just want to make it so clear that having people's opinions and having them tell you how you feel and cutting you down or saying terrible things that hurt your soul is all a part of it. And it gets better. It gets better, it gets better, I promise. Lean in and know that you are connected to something so much bigger, so much bigger. And you can just lean on that faith and understanding that if you are doing what you were put on this planet to do and you continue to step into that calling, that you will ultimately be guided and protected and given all of the answers, no matter what season you're in right now. And I hope that this really helps you so that you know that when you are going in the right direction, you will get a bit of backlash and that it will be even better on the other side. You will be stronger and you will have more love and compassion for people. And just know that all of us who are stepping into our highest calling in our soul purpose are going through the same thing with you. Share the stories, get in a group and talk about it. Because I know so many women who've messaged me recently and said, oh my God, I got some of my first hater comments or I got some of my first horrible comments. And I was so happy knowing that this was expected and normally this would have stopped me. And it's not stopping me. It's actually making me know that I'm finally getting my true authenticity, authentic self out there. So I'm sending you guys so much love today and I hope that I get to see you in Phoenix. And as always, shoot me any stories, shoot me any comments. I love hearing about what's impacting you within the podcast and thank you guys again for listening. It means the world to me. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.