249: How to Achieve High Performance with Less Stress with Mastin Kipp

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Expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

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Welcome back to the Earn your Happy Podcast and my guest today has been on the show once already, so this is his second time. And I'm so thrilled to have Mastin Kip back on the show again because every time I talk to him I seem to take away something new and really get my perspective opened up even more so. Mastin is a number one best selling author, speaker and creator of functional life coaching for people who are seeking rapid transformation in their lives. He's been featured on the Emmy award show Super Soul Sunday and recognized as thought leader for the Next Generation by Ms. Oprah Winfrey herself. Masten has built a highly successful international personal development company that helps people create rapid change, connect to who they really are and how they want to live their lives with passion and purpose. Through his writing, online courses, in person seminars and international retreats, Masten has worked with over 2 million people in over 100 countries. And recently Oprah also named Mastin one of 100 awakened leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity. And you guys, this was alongside of teachers such as Tony Robbins, Carolyn Ms. Deepak Chopra, Brene Brown, Marianne Williamson, and Eckhart Tolle, just to name a few. So I can't wait for you to listen in on this conversation because it's always such a pleasure to talk to Masten. And we also have a really special offer for you if you are looking to attend one of Mastin's events. And I will tell you I have been to one of his events and I will be going again and I really hope to collaborate with him in the future because he is that amazing of a transformational coach, speaker, teacher, leader. It's just immediate results, you guys. So I hope that you enjoy this podcast and let's get started.

Madison, I'm so excited to be able to talk to you again. I feel like whenever I get the opportunity to have you on the podcast. It's a really good day for me because I know I'm always going to learn something and have my own personal breakthrough. So thank you so much for coming on the show.

Oh, my gosh. Well, it's been. Thank you for having me back. And last time I was on was amazing. I got, I got like, I got like just stormed on social media with people who love your folks. So it's great to be back and congratulations on your launch and the book and all the success. It's been amazing to watch that happen.

Oh, thank you. And I just want to say, you guys, Masten is one of the most just authentic value offering people. He literally reaches out to see how he can add value. So I'm just really, really grateful that you not only do amazing work in the world, but you live your message. So, so honored to have you on. And I'm excited about this convers because a lot of your work, you know, we were just chatting before we started recording and talking about how I really like to talk about relationships. And I really just like talking about just different connections and the things that come up. And I love your work because you dive deep. Like you do the things that I see. I thought that I wanted to do forever, like the science and really diving deep and healing trauma. And then I realized, okay, that's not my zone of genius. So we're going to find people who do that really well. And you know, when once you find people, I always talk about this with women, it's not about having to be everything. It's about finding those people who are geniuses at it and, you know, collaborating with them. So you're my person who's a genius with the science and with trauma. And I am now collaborating. So I feel like I get your genius. So thanks for making smarter. So talking about that. See, I'm just getting smarter and smarter as I just sit here and sit next to you. So talking about that, if you could, you know, I want to have this conversation today about high performance because I know that's kind of what you're working in right now, having stress free high performance. And I know you talk a lot about trauma too. So it's a new conversation. And if you could define what trauma means to you or what it means.

Yeah, you know, like this conversation about trauma. I want to just out something in the beginning. It's sort of like, hey, let's talk about the scariest thing in the world. And people are like, no thanks, Mastin. So, yeah, I want to do A little bit of marketing for this episode, in the episode to get people to keep listening because why this is so important. Okay? So if you want to have greater financial freedom with less stress, if you want to have a real relationship that's connected, where you're really in sync with your partner and there's really a reciprocity of giving and taking and you're really in an actual great relationship, then this conversation is important. If you want to maintain weight loss and feel good while you're doing it, that's important. If you want to start to aid the reversal of a chronic illness, this is important. If you're on a functional medicine path and you need help getting your lifestyle on track, the recommendations that the doctors are making, it's important. So if you're an entrepreneur and you want to make more money, this is the conversation to have. I'm doing some selling here because it's so important to talk about the conversation of trauma. And I was recently in a meeting with somebody talking about how to market this and like, you know, there's a couple words nobody likes trauma and fat, right? Like don't talk about fat and don't know what's called fat and don't talk about trauma. And I said, you know what? But Kris Carr has crazy sexy cancer and cancer scary, crazy and sexy. So we're going to make trauma exciting and we're going to make it really landed in a similar way. So here's the basic idea. Trauma is extremely misunderstood. People believe or think that trauma, emotional trauma is I had a sexual abuse or a domestic violence, some type of physical assault and that's it. Or I had some bad childhood with my parents. And so those things are absolutely emotionally traumatizing. But what people don't realize is emotional trauma is also created by staying in a soul sucking job, being in a toxic relationship. If you have a chronic illness or you're always exhausted, that is traumatizing. You can have a trauma from, you know, going to a gym, getting injured and getting down on yourself that like, oh my God, it happened again. A breakup can be traumatizing, things not going your way. You know, maybe you're in a business and you're pivoting and it didn't quite work and now you're freaking out with cash flow or you had a bad launch. Those things can also be traumatizing. Or maybe, you know, you didn't make enough money and your kid can't go to school, whatever it is. Those are all versions of emotional trauma. So it's a very misunderstood thing. And so what we understand is if you have anxiety, depression, exhaustion, chronic illness, any of that stuff, there absolutely is something to address. And you're not going to go to the next level with another strategy to be a high performer for a webinar thing or with, you know, just reframing a belief because this is like in the body, right? So you can't reframe it because it's, it exists in, below the surface of your awareness. And so you gotta name it, claim it, heal it and feel it and add, and then you can start to rise. And so that's what we're really seeing. And you know, with today, with all the social media, people are disconnected and I know that you're obviously huge on this, but you know, part of healing trauma is being able to be comfortable in relationship, you know, both with one person in a group. So there's a lot that goes into this. But the most important high performance tool that you can do or you can have today is doing your emotional trauma work.

Wow, so much good stuff there. So tell me about what happens in isolation because I think so often we use it as, you know, something happens to us, we don't want to share, we're afraid to share, we're afraid we're going to get judged. And then, you know, so we cut ourselves off from whether it's our loved ones, whether it's our friends, whatever that is. But we think that we're kind of like hiding or we're self preserving. But what has been happening when people are isolating themselves?

So huge question. And this is where all the data and all the research is going. And if you're out front in the trauma therapy world, in biohacking, in genomics, if you're out front in any of that, then you know about attachment theory. And you also might be knowing about what's called polyvagal theory and just forget those words. But that's if you want to go Google it later, that's what you go Google. Okay, but here's the bottom line. Okay? Most people think that our defense mechanisms are fight or flight. And that's kind of what they think it is. But there are two other defense mechanisms that we use to survive. They're automatic. So there's fight or flight, which we all know of. There's also mend and attend, which is if I can't run from it and I can't kill it, maybe if I take care of it, I'll live.

That is so interesting.

Right? And the third one is withdrawal or the Evolutionary impulse is actually feigning death, right? Because human beings evolved from reptiles. And what does a turtle do when it's scared? It puts its head back in its shell, right? So we literally have an evolutionary impulse to withdraw because that's a survival mechanism. And so what we're seeing in the data is that there's no such thing as bad behavior. There's just adaptation behavior. And so if someone has a default pattern to withdraw, that's being invisible. And that's because they want to be safe. A clinical psychologist might call you depressed. That's accurate. It's just not a fully informed opinion because it doesn't look at the survival adaptation behavior. So it's not wrong, it's not wrong to do that. You're trying to survive. However, if all you're doing is withdrawing, there's so many problems that come with that. Because thriving in a body where you're, you know, you're calm and you have de stressed and you're really thriving, you can't do it in isolation. All the data and all the science shows us that we are relational beings. And the technical term in the therapeutic world is regulate, right? So if you're, if you're too anxious, you're not self regulating, right? So that's what it means. So it's kind of like regulation is like a temp, like a temperature, when you're trying to go not too high and not too low, like when your thermostat. So we do that too emotionally. We try to regulate all the time. So that's where these tics come from, where you're coping with food or you're, it's all regulation behavior. So what we realize is we only regulate together.

Oh my God.

Can't actually self regulate. It's not built in your DNA and your genetics. So you have to learn to co regulate, which means be in a relationship, dyadic or otherwise, meaning one to one or one to many, and then you can self regulate. But trauma disrupts that because it's scary to be in a relationship with other. Right. If we have trauma. So trauma is a disruptor of building a tribe, joining a tribe. And so what happens is if I experience trauma, I'm not going to feel safe in the presence of others. And so I'm going to withdraw. And the goal is to interrupt that pattern as much as possible, which is why, which is why I'm such a big believer in the work that you're doing.

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Oh, man. Okay, so I'm just like, I have so many things to say about this. So I'm just going to start with the one. I'm going to use my life right now and we're just going to. Because I know this is everybody's life. Well, a lot of people's life as I generalized. So when you were talking about withdrawal. So the reason I love talking about what I talk about is because that's my go to. Like I will withdraw all day long. I used to try to withdraw from my relationship with my husband. Like when things would go awry, it's my go to default. And what I was finding is every time I would withdraw, it would just, it would just get worse. Right? I would get lonelier, my anxiety would just rise. And then I would also continue down the story with there's something wrong with me. I'll never be able to do that because obviously isolation. We're not working through anything except our own opinions, which is we're only going to cling to that old story. So co regulation too. I want to talk about that because a lot of people feel like, well, I have this one person and that's enough. And what I found is I am. I probably have one of the best relationships that I know of with my husband. And it's still not enough for me to beat like the anxiety that I can feel sometimes. So for me, I have to. When I go to that withdrawal, which even with this book launch mast and you know, when you put a book out, you get a lot of new attention. Right. So it's a lot of audience that doesn't typically follow you, which also comes with a lot of comments you don't really love to see sometimes. So what would happen to me is I started withdrawing. I didn't want to go on social anymore because I was like, wanted to move to an island. And I'm like, this is so not me. And talking to Chris wasn't enough. I needed to talk with other people.

About what do I do?

What does this feel like? What is this actually, you know, what is this actually hitting on? So I'm glad That you also said trauma is not just really big things. It's also, wow, there's a massive disruption in my life that does not feel good right now. So amazing. So one of the things that you are doing with that. So what are you doing when people are starting to really notice? Okay, I've pinpointed who I am, and now what's the work that we're supposed to do around it?

Yeah. So the big paradigm shift in thinking, and even to your point about withdrawal, because I do the same thing. Shutting down. Because think about it, right? Like, so this is the. This is the polyvagal theory. And you may have heard of what's called a vasovagal response, and that's when, like, you see blood and you pass out. Right. People know what that is, Right. They understand that. So the vagus nerve is designed to shut the body down as a survival mechanism. Right. So sometimes when you're too stressed or too anxious, maybe you want to withdraw, maybe you want to take a nap, maybe you just want to check out, maybe you want to take a bath. And that is an automatic survival impulse that is regulated by the vagus nerve and not Las Vegas.

Although that does trigger some responses in me.

Oh, yeah, there's all kinds of survival. I'm still working through some of that myself, so. But. But. So the idea is, is that that is a normal mammalian. Meaning you're a mammal, just like me, and just like every other mammal out there, that's a normal response in the presence of what perceives as a threat. So the goal is to understand. See, with current. A lot of current coaching, a lot of current mental health, what we do is the mindset is we pathologize it, which means we try to make what's. Figure out what's wrong with it. Right? And that's good as a diagnostic tool, but it's not actually an accurate description of what's happening, because what's actually happening is there's no such thing as bad behavior. It's just adaptation behavior. So your nervous system says, there's a threat. I'm gonna pull back. Anyone who felt that there was a presence of a threat would either fight, flee, shut down, or take care of it. Those are the four options. And so you're acting like a normal mammal, just like I do, just like anyone else does. Right. And especially with a book launch, that's an expansion in your life. Right? So I know for me, book launches are very vulnerable moments too. And there's all kinds of things that get very disorienting sometimes. And so what you got to do is you got to get out front on that and start to understand this is probably what's going to happen. If I go through a stressful process, I'm probably going to withdraw, I got to start to really name it and then set myself up with relationships and fail safes in my life that help me really manage that process. And the one thing I will say about Chris is this, is that while when it comes to strategy, right, like when it comes to like a book launch or a promotion, I 100% would agree that like I wouldn't only talk to my partner, but there's absolutely a level of safety that that relationship creates that allows that other stuff to happen. And so the relationship part of it is so important because and this is the confusing part how what's the difference between codependent and co regulated where you're like in it together and you're actually working on calming each other down and really seeing the best in each other. And that's like the real deep work in a relationship. But it comes from very simple cues, facial expressions, right? Like if you're super stressed and you're all like. It's also like around the eyes, like this area right here. If you notice like a lot of squinting or a lot of the smiling happens right here. And when women get Botox, I'm pointing if you can't, if you're not watching this, I'm pointing to the sides of my eyes. When women get Botox here, it's hard to tell what emotion they're having. Is it happy or sad? Are they frustrated? Right. So we are looking for visual cues in the facial tone to say what's going on. Tone of voice is another thing, right? So you can think of stress like a book launch as inflammation, no different than inflammatory foods, right? So Chris and your team and people that are your positivity team need to be the anti inflammatory properties in that moment and not get co triggered. Because if you get triggered and then someone else gets triggered, you're feeding off of each other. And that's not, that's, that's, that's dysregulated together, right? Where you're not working out, working well together. Same thing is true in a practitioner relationship. You and your client, you know, you're feeding off of your clients facial cues and vocal tones and gestures and they're feeding off of yours. It's a co created scenario. So you got to have a situation where all of this is kind of understood and you're really mindful. Like, one of the things I've been really working on in the last few months is my tone of voice with my team because I get so stressed. I get this very deep and very direct thing, but I'm trying to work on tone of voice because tone of voice signals threat or safety. It's understanding that, like, success can be safe. And then you have to also understand, where did that come from? Right. That impulse to withdraw, because that's not new. Yeah. Somewhere a while back, and we got to figure out where that come from and then have a conversation with your nervous system to say, hey, you know what? I know that, like, you deleted distorted and generalized to keep me safe, but you know what? While this behavior was perfect to cope over here, I'm trying to grow a business and have a life over here. I need to broaden my spectrum here and realize that, you know what? It's not all or nothing here. And that's the trauma work that I do. And that's what functional coaching is all about.

Oh, man. So that's talking about the facial expressions and even the tone. Can we just say this is why there is just a massive disconnect in the world and why we do feel so lonely and isolated and misunderstood is because we think that we can just. You know, I have so many women who are even, like, you know, I read the book alone, and now I'm, you know, shooting some emails and texting. I'm like, no, like, get online and talk and see each other's face.

So there's data to back that up. Okay, so think about our evolution. Okay?

Yeah.

The first mammals. Okay. Sorry to talk data and science, but I'm gonna do it.

Okay, well, that's why I want you on here.

Mammals were very small, okay. And they didn't have, like, words, so they would make facial expressions and gestures to signal safety or threat, like. Right. And you ever do that, like, where, like, you know, like, maybe you're with your. With your man or a friend and a certain facial expression means a certain thing. Yeah. There's no words required, right?

Oh, yeah, I've got plenty of those. Yeah.

And, like, I even have facial expressions when I'm on stage where, like, my Dylan, who runs our av, he knows exactly what that means. My face, Totally. So we have evolved, looking to each other for facial features and vocal tone and gestures to figure out if we're safe or not. So then comes the telephone, removes the face. Right. But we still have tone of voice. Right? So we can still hear our tones. You can tell someone's feeling. Then comes email, and you've removed facial features and tone and I don't know, I mean, email is still used today, but back in the day there was all this like, why are you mad at me? Conversation in email. Because people couldn't transfer context, which is why it's always good to start an email with like, hey, I hope you're having a great day or something. So that you can kind of preface the sort of. This is a safe email to get vibe. Right. So the fastest way to co regulate or to get back into sync is not texting. Certainly not sending an emoji. Like we've regressed to Egyptian times, right? We're sending a. We're like using emojis and worshiping cats. Like we're freaking ancient Egyptians. The fastest way to co regulate is face to face like this. Because I guess your face. I can hear your sound of your voice. That's the fastest way to do it. And so you're 100% right. And it can make sense that you're going to email or text because it's a little more, you know, face to face.

Yeah, it's so. It's so much easier, but then you're so much more lonely and disconnected. And I always think of that. It's like the thing that I want to go and do is probably making what I'm feeling even worse. And so I always kind of, you know, it might not be the best way to look at it, but maybe it's what works for me. I'm kind of like, where am I feeling the most resistance? And I really have to look at it and go straight for it or I find that I will continue to default to withdrawal from everything in my life. Even though, oh man, it's kind of like, oh, I'm recharging. Even though I'm like, wow, well, now I feel really lonely. So maybe I have to redefine what recharging means. Maybe I can recharge with people. Maybe it was just the wrong people, or maybe I didn't ask for what I needed. So there's a powerful.

There's science to back this up. And why I love that is it validates that withdrawal behavior as a really good survival strategy. Right. Which doesn't necessarily mean it's good for like being. Having a top podcast or a book launch or a successful relationship, but it's awesome for survival. Right. Okay. But for real. So when you start to raise your. We start to raise your standards, you have. That's why the healing the trauma stuff is so important because it's your trauma that's going to keep you stuck. But what happens is with withdrawal is that we. It sends a nervous. A signal to our nervous system that we are safe. And so it's a default mechanism that says, I'm safe if I withdraw. And that is a completely normal thing to do. And so if you start to realize that, like, this is what I think is safety, then all of a sudden I'm going to start to challenge that. And here's the goal, okay? And this is the scientific term. We human beings and mammals in general have a morbid fear of being immobilized, meaning when we cannot move, right? Because think about this. Why does a female choose a male? That has nothing to do with anything about gender roles, just pure anatomy. Why would a female choose a male that helps her feel safe. Pregnancy is immobilizing. She can't move around as much. She's not as agile. She needs anatomically. That's in our DNA. This is like in our genes. It's been forever. She needs someone to help her feel safe during pregnancy, right? And that's not just human. That's every mammal, right? The female is immobilized. What else is immobilizing? Gazing into your lover's eyes. You're not moving. Hugging someone, and you're all, like, up in there, right? Meditation is immobile. You're not moving, right? So immobilization is terrifying for human beings. So the goal is to have immobilization without the anxiety. Be able to be still without the anxiety. To realize that if I put my ass on my meditation pillow, I'm not going to die. If I sit here with my partner and just have a moment, I'm not going to die. And if I just slow down, I'm not going to die. Because one of the ways the high performers cope better is by trying to go faster. Faster. But sometimes it's faster and you're staring at your phone and you're not connected. The goal is stillness without fear.

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Oh man. Okay, let's talk about that faster. Okay, so this morning on the on our drive to the gym, because I was going to the gym with my husband, I was like, okay, so I'm finding myself because just coming off of being really busy, I now want to. So my whole goal is finding a very peaceful place for a longer amount of time than I even used to. Like, I would love to get to a place where I'M really not feeling very anxious at all, ever. And that's my goal in life. That's everyone's goal in life. But I was finding, like, you know, I'm having a completely peaceful, great morning and I'm searching for the asterisk because I woke up with a bit of like a anxious feeling in my stomach. And while we did have to let someone go on our team, and that's been making me feel ill and like. But I would like to get over that quicker because it's just a feeling that I'm holding on to or a thought that I'm holding onto. Holding onto. And it's kind of like I was noticing that I was defaulting to want to fill my day with stuff instead of where my soul before this happened, really just wanted space and, you know, play time and things like that. But instead my default was, okay, well, what can I fill it with? How can I go faster? What could I do for work? Maybe I'm not doing enough. Oh, my gosh, maybe. What if I don't? You know, I'm going to Europe for all of July. That's so scary to me right now, even though I know it's what I need. So there you go. That's where I'm at.

Well, but so me too. Right? And like, you fill in a blank. Entrepreneur. That's what we do, right?

Yeah.

And by the way, way better than being non productive. Way better than hurting other people. Right. Is to be productive. And the thing is, is that like, like we've done a really good job as a culture today of essentially channeling anxiety into high performance. But the downside of that is people don't talk about, yeah, I had a successful launch, but my relationship fell apart. Or, you know what, yeah, I'm getting four hours of sleep a night and crushing it, but my adrenals are about to give out. Yeah, they don't talk about the downside. And so the goal is to be able to slow down and to realize that the default is either in your case, to go faster. That's my case too. For other people, it's to pull back and withdraw. And there's lots of different coping mechanisms, but it's not bad. It's just, just an adaptation. And for some reason, whenever you have that breakthrough, for a higher level of desire to have more peace or more time or more freedom, there always seems to be something that does that. I know in my life, it's always happens, like, oh, I finally got to the blood, and then boom, something happens and I'M starting to realize that's just how life is. Can I basically be calm in the presence of threat? And that, to me, is what spiritual growth is all about. To not have to rid my life of threat and to be calm, but to be calm in the presence of what I think is a threat. And especially through the lens of trauma, again, too into it. If you have emotional wounding that comes from, you know, childhood stuff, business deal gone wrong, relationship stuff, whatever it is, the brain and this nervous system goes into what's called hyper vigilance, where everything you're looking for is a threat. And the goal is to be vigilant, not hyper vigilant. Right?

Yeah.

Because obviously we have to be able to identify problems. We can't ignore them. But the goal is to see them as they are, not as everything is a threat. Because if everything is a threat and you have to contain it all, that's a big cause of anxiety. And then to add on top of that lifestyle and food choices. Sometimes what people think is anxiety is just inflammation because they ate something that is not good for them.

Yes. I have to be so hyper conscious of that because I will notice the second I eat sugar, the world is ending. I'm like, oh, but if I don't eat really well for the whole day, I can have some stuff. You know, of course. In fact, I found the more I let myself have smaller things, the more I'm, you know, happy and can stay balanced. But when I go over that and I know right when I'm doing it, the world starts crumbling for real, I'm like, oh, my God, this is going wrong. I feel awful. I'm super depressed. And I'm like, who is this? And it's just the food I'm eating. And it's crazy because I see it in my. I see it in my family. I have a. I have an awesome sister. And she would admit to this as well. And we talk about it, it's just like she's addicted to Starbucks. And she literally used to call me and be like, I'm going crazy. And I'm like, how many Starbucks have you had? And she's like, four. I'm like, oh, my God. Go detox. Like, you're not crazy. It's what you're eating. Yeah. And I love that you were talking about being hyper vigilant, because this morning, it was just this shift of realization that I was searching for what was wrong because of one thing. Wrong.

That's right. And again, normal adaptive survival behavior. I do it too. Right. But it's becoming, it's like that moment of awareness where you're like, hey, I'm in hyper vigilance. Which is not to say I should look for problems, but if you make, especially as an entrepreneur, if you're going to hit scale, you got to let some fires burn. You can't solve all the problems at once. You got to figure out which ones to prioritize, right? Yes, if you want scale. And so that's kind of like, that's where like the need for closure gets in the way because everyone wants closure first. It's like if basically like be okay with certain problems existing, not have to have closure and feel calm in the presence of threat through the practice of, you know, functional coaching, having a tribe eating what's right for your microbiome, different breath work and diaphragmatic breathing techniques, those types of things, movement patterns, those types of things will help you stay having a stress free or success without the anxiety. And that's the goal. But it happens through a connected state. It can't happen in isolation. It's impossible. It's physiologically impossible.

Oh man. I can tell this conversation is going to be really good for people because I'm like jumping out of my chair. I was like, what are my arms doing right now? So when you said I really believe what keeps people stuck is thinking that closure is a two way street. And what I've learned is that no matter what, no matter what the story is on the other side, we have to complete our circles no matter what. You know, so for ourselves and what I've learned so much, especially just this last year. And of course as you scale there's a lot of relationships, things, people that are just either gonna go up in flames or they're not gonna go the way that you want. You're gonna feel misunderstood, you're gonna feel that your character's getting judged, you're gonna want to go back and you're gonna want to defend yourself or you're gonna want to say that's not what I meant. And it's. You can't spend your time on trying to complete circles for people that will never be completed on their end, you know, or you can't go back and try to explain yourself to someone who will never see the way you see things.

That's right.

So you have to complete your own circle. So can we talk about this? Because I think this is really huge for so many people is I've gotten so many inboxes from this book that says but this woman doesn't understand that tribe means this and she's doing it wrong. And I'm like, that's not for you.

That is.

This is not for you. It's time for you to complete this, not take this personal and move forward.

Yeah, well, so the cool thing is the underlying desire from having something like that that's incomplete is there's a desire to connect. That's what, that's what's driving it, right? So the first thing is to recognize, God damn it, I want to connect like shit. Okay, fine, you got me, right? But then the second thing is who with whom? Whom, Right? And so what happens is, and this is true in business too, okay? I can't tell you how many clients that we work with, where we look at, like, why they're stuck, and they're like, oh, I'm not getting any enrollment calls, or no one's engaging in my social media thingamajigger. And what we start to look at, and we start to look at how they're behaving. And the truth is they don't really want them to because it's like, I gotta keep people at a distance because I want to isolate and withdraw. Because they think that the future relationships that they're going to create, even on social media, will somehow mirror the traumatizing relationships of their past. They think that, like, everyone's going to treat them like their father, or everyone's going to treat them like their mother, or everyone's going to treat them like their ex. So of course they wouldn't want to be consistent on social media. Because if I thought everyone was going to treat me like my ex girlfriend, there's no frickin way I'd be consistent on social media. It's just not true, right? Because it's a different way of doing things. And you could have a thousand people like a photo and then one naysayer on the comment. And if you're not focused on emotional resilience, you'll believe that person and say, see, I told you so, right? There'll always be someone to validate your fear, Right? But the goal is to realize, and this is the cool thing about understanding how trauma works, is the only way to heal it is to recreate it. And kind of like at the end of that movie Labyrinth, Sarah is staring at the Goblin King and she says, you have no power over me. Right? And so that's how you go through it, is you have to go through it and see the comment, we have to go through it in the relationship again and say, you Know what? This time you don't have any power over me. And that's really the power. So when we talk about that in the context of relationship, it's very easy to think like, well, I don't want to let go of that person who doesn't get it because some new person is going to be even worse versus, you know what, I might find a good friend out there if I hang out in the right place, you know, and it's just because they're paid, they're basing the future based on their past experience, which without any type of understanding is what we do by default. But you got to interrupt that and go, you know what? Is that entirely true? And the answer is, no, it's not. I can create thriving relationships in the future. And you wrote a book about tribe. Like, if you're looking for people that want to be in a tribe, go hang out with people and then read the book. You know, like share values, you know, like, that's why I know you love events and that's why we do stuff like that too. Because it's like that's where you find them, you know, maybe it's not in the past, you know, so how about.

And I know that you have this with your books and with your programs as well. And this is the people who continue to default even though they read the material, even though they go to the events, even though they tell you that they want it, they read the book and then they still find the excuses and they know who they are because they're listening, saying, that didn't work for me. That didn't work for me. So, and I've been there too, you know, years ago where it was like, oh, and I'm sure I still do it in some things, but where it's that moment of you have to change how you're showing up. Right?

100%. And you know, I'm also someone that. It drives me nuts, nuts when someone doesn't get a result. And so I always look at why, why, why, why, why, why, why? And the biggest survival pattern that I've seen has been this withdrawal thing. And so what we're doing in all of our products and programs, especially our higher end coaching programs, is that we're like, we're like creating stickiness. We're like, we're measured. We're going to start measuring like client analytics. How many calls are you showing up on? How consistent have you been on social media? And we're watching how engaged people are with the program and with their social and then basing that, using that as a baseline to see how in withdrawal they actually are. Right? And so you want to make sure that you have. Because environment trumps belief all day long, right? You want to make sure that you're in the right environment and that you have the right people around you. And you also want to be honest. You know what? Yeah. I did pick that therapist because I knew that that therapist wouldn't give me the result. I'm not against therapists. I mean, just any practitioner. Right? Certain people are going to push you further and certain people aren't. And, you know, you definitely have to learn how to take accountability for not what happened, but for how you respond. You know what I mean? That's so, so, so, so, so important. Mm.

There's there's been so many times when even just connecting with females who I used to be like, oh, she's, you know, I'm not worthy of that relationship. She's so much smart. Smarter. She's done X, Y, and Z. Like, what value will I add? And when I feel myself start to withdraw, I'm like, how could I show up different than what I would have done before? How. How could I add value? What is something that could add value? Like, I have to question so many different ways of being and showing up and, like, checking my energy. Like, what am I putting off right now? What am I. What is my energy telling myself? So it's like deciding to tell myself a new story, and that's the beginning of creating the opposite of withdrawal, and that changes.

Like, we talk about, like, your vibrate, your vibe attracts your tribe, right?

Yes.

Let's make that even more practical. Your facial expression will tell people if you're safe or threat.

Yeah. Oh, my God, yes.

Voice will either be welcoming or not. And here's the crazy thing, Laurie. Like, I actually, I was not going to talk about this in the podcast, but I'm going to talk about it because whatever, it's fine. This idea of polyvagal theory with facial expressions, tone of voice and language patterns, and then also hand and gestures, 100% applies to marketing.

Yes.

It resolves something for me because I never want to be incongruent, right? So I'm never someone who's like, smile for the social media camera. Like, I don't do that. Right. I'm just like, no, we're gonna get in there, we're gonna talk about it, and we're gonna. The shit. And then I look at some of the stuff, I'm like, that should have gone that should have had more likes. That doesn't add up. This is too good. What I realized was what I'm talking about, even though it's like real, right? Isn't creating a sense of safety online. So even in our social media and even in our marketing we're looking at does this piece generate a sense of safety or threat? And if it's a threatening piece, we try to either change the facial expression and lead with something different and then get into something else. And what's crazy, Lori, conversions have gone up.

It makes total sense to me because when I was doing my TED Talk preparing for it, I wanted to know how to connect with my audience in the first like two minutes. And I had watched a TED Talk about the best or the most viewed TED talks. And the only thing that they could find, the only thing, because the content was so. Everything was so varied, they couldn't find anything super consistent at all. The only thing that they could find is the TED Talks that were most watched had a difference between, I think it was like 350 or to 500, more hand gestures right away. Like, and they used hand gestures right away. And the tonality and the, when certain people had accents, it made it even more viewed. So I was, right away on my TED Talk, I was like, oh, just, I was a hand gesture freak. And honestly, honestly, I really believe it worked. I think it was just like an open, safe greeting right away and the super friendly facial expression, you know, because some of them you watch and it's like, this is where I was when I was 9. And I'm like, bye. Like, I can't, I can't do it.

And the other thing is for me, especially around marketing, like, to me, I have to have, I have to be authentic if I'm going to market something or put a photo on social media. But now the context is, you know, what this piece of content needs to create safety.

Yeah.

So what do we got that's authentic? But it's so different than like smile for the gram, you know what I mean? Like, it's so different. And so that intention has been a game changer for our marketing too. So this works in relationship, this works in trying to heal your trauma. This works in marketing, which also has a direct impact on sales. It's because it's how we're wired, you know?

Well, you know, you're in spaces with people a lot who either want to meet you or you're meeting a lot of, you know, especially after events, you're meeting a lot of people. So you get fast interactions. Right. And I know that you've had the experience, too, I'm sure, where people come up and you're like, I don't know why I love this person. I just love them. There's hundreds of people here, but right away, I know nothing about you, but you feel good. And so much of it is their facial expression, their open shoulders, their excitement. They're emitting energy. And it's like. Like, imagine if we could master that when we want to make these connections. It's so huge. It's so huge.

A hundred percent. Yeah. It's like. It's like. And we do it on the first date.

Yeah.

On the first date, you send your representative, right?

Yes.

Literally, for real. If you could just look at and listen to your facial expressions and the tone of voice and start to become conscious of how you're using them, it is a game changer because 99% of the time, a, like, argument in a relationship is triggered by either a tone, which everyone in a relationship knows the tone. Right.

I know the tone.

Or the face. Like, what's that face? You know, like, we know, right? So if you could be. But the thing is, you can't see your face. You know, it's your face. Right. You can't see it. But like, if you could start to realize, like, wow, like, maybe he's not. Or they're not X, Y, and Z. Maybe I did have some RBF going on. Maybe I did. Maybe I did have a little bit of a curt tone. I've noticed. Even, like, with my team and stuff, if I come in like, hey, guys, how are we doing today versus yo, what's up? Very different response, right?

Yeah.

And I noticed this stuff when I was, like, 8 years old with a dog. I would look at a dog, at my dog. God bless my dog, Misty. And I would say, misty, oh, my God, you're a bad dog. I don't like you. And she's all right, I love you. And she's all like, kind of like, yeah, right. So they listen. So we. Vocal tone and facial expression is so huge. So it's a really big deal. And especially in tribe building and relationship building, it's a big deal.

Oh, man. All of it. And just one last thing. Even on facial expression, from the network marketing company that I was in, they actually taught us how to be good audience members. And I will tell you now that I've just been on so many, many stages. I would thank people when they would come up afterward and say, thank you for being such a awesome audience member because I was talking to you the whole time and you were, you were giving me energy and you were actually telling me what to say. So I'm always like, thank you so much for like giving me all that energy while you sat there. And so that's. And that's huge. If you want to make connections with people, you can actually feed people, you know, even if you just want to be an awesome audience member, they will remember you. You don't even realize it. You'll notice them look at you over and over and I'm like, oh, well, that's a great way to make connections because now I totally want to meet this woman because she was amazing without saying a word.

100%. I can verify that too. I've had that experience many times.

You're like, thank God that person's over there because the one right next to her hates me. So hallelujah. Okay, so I want to get back to Jennifer just Best high performance tools for stress free high performance. So I know that you are a massive high performer and what are some of the things for you that you are so like, I cannot do this without this.

Sure. So there are three primary, I'll say, modalities that I think are vital for stress free high performance. The first one is some type of functional medicine approach where you're really understanding the root cause, physiological issues that you're having. Because the anxiety, the depression, whatever it is, there's a physiological root cause to that that doesn't necessarily have to be there. And so hypertension, anxiety, depression have root causes in your physiology, in your body. Functional Medicine Institute for Functional Medicine Major best practice for me and everything associated with gut health and all that stuff is very, very important. The second thing is the world of energy medicine. So that could be stuff like acupuncture, Reiki, things that help regulate our energetic field. And that's. By the way, that's not. Woo woo. They do Reiki in hospitals now. Acupuncture is something that a lot of insurance accepts now because there is an energetic flow to the body that we absolutely 100% exist. It's real, it's documented. And so the energy stuff is super important too. And also in that category, we bodywork. One of my favorite pieces of body work to do is John Barnes myofascial Release, which is not like most mfr. Most people think MFR and they think pain, torture and death. It's very, very, very amazing fascia work that's very gentle and soothing. It's called John Barnes myofascial release. So you got to get your sort of energy body and your body kind of going, and you got to get it out of stress. You got to, you know, the fascia is what wraps your muscles. So if you have tight shoulders, if you have a tight diaphragm, if you have tight ql, which is like, you know, the back of the hips and lower back and the sacrum and stuff like that, the fascia stuff is really good for that. And then the third pillar is, and this is very important, is the functional coaching stuff. Because what functional coaching does, which is what I do, is we help you figure out what your root cause emotional block is and how to make it safe. And so, and we combine it with other modalities. So it's not like functional coaching is the only thing you need. Because I believe in integrated life. And I'm not a doctor, I'm a college dropout, and I'm a big believer in body work. But I'm not going to massage anybody. You know, I'm not going to do it. It'd be inappropriate for me as a male practitioner to do that. But the issues are in our tissues. So I'm a big believer in the functional medicine stuff. But the thing is, you can do your functional medicine, you can do your body work, but if you don't do the functional coaching stuff, you're going to keep doing the behaviors that make you stress in the first place. All the chronic illness and all this tightness in our body comes from coping and comes from maladaptive behavior. And the functional coaching helps address that emotional root cause, which is really the epicenter of every piece of it. It's the epicenter of the root cause of chronic illness, of stress, of anxiety. And so those are the three pillars. And so what I did is I created functional coaching and I'm always doing my own trauma work and it informs what else I need to do. So it's the. It's the root, root, root, root cause. Because what the real intention for functional coaching is to make your nervous system your ally and for you to become an ally with your nervous system because. Right. A lot of times when you get triggered, it just pushes you away. So the functional coaching product, I mean, it is what I created. But, you know, there's lots of other ways for me to make money that'd be way easier. This is a passion and something that has to. That's why I'm doing it.

I know that about you too. It's just you get so lit up when you talk about it and it's what you're good at. It's your zone of genius. I've actually been in a room with you and I've been like wow, this human being is amazing with this. Like this is so outside of my realm but I'm obsessed with watching it. So you have an event coming up.

Yeah, and it's interesting, you know, we're talking offline. I think one day there should be a podcast by the way of like the pre conversation because I've done so many podcasts like well before the podcast we were talking about, you know and just that's it.

That's the only thing.

Oh man. The things that would be said. I know but I'm a big believer in events because a couple things, one, you know, it's distraction free. So it's an environment where you can focus and there's an environment of possibility and environment is what produces possibility. So you can read a book, you can do an online course and those are things that can change a life. But to get rapid transformation events are the key also because you're going to come meet people who are like minded. So I know that we're really lined up on that. And the other thing is if you think about specifically trauma, it's a breakup, the job, something in their childhood, whatever, whatever it might be, what produced the trauma was an emotional experience. Right. So an event is also an emotional experience but the goal is to have an emotional experience in a positive association. And so part of de traumatizing yourself is having high level emotional experiences. So that's why I'm such a big believer in events because it's a great place to come and get support to have a transformational experience, to meet a tribe of people. And so what I do is functional coaching and it's a, it's a something that I created and we have, we're getting a lot of interest from a lot of different practitioners and companies out there about this process. But Claim youm Power Live is a four day event. It's experiential, right. So you come, you meet and it's in Orlando, July 12th to 15th and we have a special link actually for you and your folks are normally 250 and we have a discount from $95 for you guys. It's claimyourpowerlive.com Lori L O R I and you can come and you know we're going to over deliver and you know it's a nurturing event. I'm not going to sleep deprive you. Right. But there's body work, there's breath work, and then there's just basically four days of this conversation experientially with other people who are on that path. And we have people who come who just maybe are wanting to quit a job and start a business, who are maybe stuck in their business and want to get that next level or maybe have a great business, but their relationship's not working so good, or there's some type of practitioner and they want to learn more about functional coaching and have that experience themselves. Those are the types of folks tend to come. It tends to be a mostly female crowd, which is strange because I'm 6 foot 5, white guy from Kansas, very uncertain and strange person to be doing this work on the surface. But it's a great event. And then we do have. The other 3% is usually 2% gay men. And then 1% either the good guys or some dude that was dragged there by someone.

Wow, that's my audience.

We always convert them into like, oh, this was great, you know, and I'm always good at coaching your partner and saying the things that you can't say, you know, ooh, okay.

Well, there's reason in and of itself to be quite honest, but that's really. That's really the truth. Like, Chris and I have gone through that journey so much. I was like, I just know because when I got in the room, it changed me. I'm like, if you can just get someone in the room, typically, typically they'll hear something. Now there's always the ones who are like, you drag me here, I hate you. But, you know, that's a journey that you might need to go on.

We always convert those people. I love that first half day of the event. Like, we're gonna get everyone on the same page, you know, So I love that.

And so I love that you're doing this, because events for me are. They have been the thing for me that have been so huge because we need a new reference point, like you said. And if we don't create a new reference point by getting around new people who think differently, by hearing different things, by having a different experience than the one that is imprinted on us at the time, Right? If we don't create a new imprint, we're never, ever going to break out of it on our own. And that was the whole thing about. So everybody who's listening who's either, you know, read my book or listens to the podcast. Like, if you want the tangible experience, you can read books all day long. You can Read self development books all day long. And I love it because it does create a perspective shift. But if you want a life shift where it shows up in your reality, you have to go experience something that's tangible and real and be immersed in it and see it and feel it and feel the energy of all of those other people. So events are the quickest way. That's why when people are like, oh, I'll go next year, I'm like, or you could just go for two days and change your life now.

Totally.

You know, or you could save yourself reading 100 books. I'm just being honest, like, because it's so fast. It's so fast.

That's right. Well, people at times who say, I wish I would have come last year.

Yeah, like we wish you would have too.

Totally. Yeah, totally. But you know, people come when they're ready, but it's scary thing. And time, money, spousal approval, that type of stuff is always a objection. And at the end of the day you just gotta say, you know what, my time's now. You know, because I'm always either facilitating or being facilitated. Like that's my lifestyle now.

Yeah, here's the thing. I just want to be really open and honest. Like so many people are willing to go spend money on a trip to Mexico or Florida or Disneyland, and yet they still live this life that they are not happy with and they're going for those quick hits. It's like you could literally go to somebody's event. I don't care if it's yours, if it's mine or whatever, as long as it really resonates with you and you could completely flip your whole world. That's right, absolutely. So anyway, July 12th through the go ahead.

I was gonna say one last thing. Is that like, it's like a place to meet people that you can. Events are a place to meet people that you're on the same page with. It's not scary to be in a type of relationship with because you meet. We have people that come to our events. I'm sure you do the same thing. They meet business partners. They meet their spouse, their best friends. They meet the one person who's gonna, you know, change the career and they're on the same page, you know, so I'm a huge believer in events. I love, absolutely love events and you know, Claim youm Power Live is a place where we're gonna do deep work, but it's effective. And the results, you know, speak themselves. We've had clients go from zero to $50,000 months afterwards. We've had clients, you know, people always. And by the way, it's always easy to get testimonials at the event on the last day to say, oh, my God, this changed my life. Right? That's always really easy to do. But we have clients year over year. Even if they haven't come back, they're like, that is still ingrained in me, and I'm still getting results. So it's really something that really does produce an emotional experience that is unforgettable.

It is. And I've been in a room with you. It's not. You're immediately welcoming. So it's kind of. If people are. People are nervous about, you know, just going or different events because they're like, oh, that seems heavy. I've been in. While you're in the middle of something that could be heavy, and it feels rather transformative and light to the whole audience because you know how to move through it pretty quickly, which was absolutely brilliant and amazing and in a comfortable way, in a way that's not, you know, because sometimes I've been to places where it can get. Yet you can feel stuck in it and like, oh, this is really heavy for a long time. But I found it to be just the most beautiful experience where I gained so much from just different insight of watching you do your work.

So thank you so much.

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, you guys. So, okay, what's the link again, Mastin? For them to go to. And I'll put it in show notes.

Claimyourpowerlive.com Lori L O R I for the disclaimer.

Okay, amazing. You guys go and check that out. I hope that you go. I want to see all of your Instagrams and your stories with Mastin. Okay. Any last thing that you want to share with anybody who's thinking of going?

Well, I mean, look, at the end of the day, there's always a reason not to. And I think it's just if there's a. And this is not just for this event. This is in life. This is the. This is the rule of thumb. If there's a hard, heartfelt yes, an intuitive yes, and you're scared, you know, that's the right decision. That's the makeup. People always ask me, how do I know if it's my fear or my intuition? If you feel it and you're scared. Like, if you feel in your heart and you're scared, that is 100% the right decision. And the best decisions are always predicated or preceded by fear. Right. So, yes, true in life, you know. So our mantra, just in general, and you might want to use this, too. I love this. Our mantra is get on the plane. That's the mantra.

Best mantra ever. Just get on the plane. And you're good. Okay. Amazing. I'm so. I'm so excited for you. I'm so excited for everyone who's going to be in the room, because I know it happens. And thank you so much for this amazing podcast because like I said, I always learn something and I've got. I've got a little. Little book of notes running here. So.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much and have an amazing day. And you guys, if you love this episode, make sure you share it with your friends. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everybody. Thank you guys so much for spending.

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