250: How to Be Friends with Influential People

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Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And whether we're walking right now or we're driving or I don't know where you've taken me, but it's always so much fun to see where we are together. I know sometimes I'm in the gym with you guys, sometimes I get to go to exotic places. I found that I was just in Fiji with one of you the other day, so that was amazing. Thank you for, for taking me with you on your trips and for also reading the book everywhere. That has been so much fun. And you guys, I have been shouting just about everyone out who tags me in their stories or tags me on Instagram in the book and I will try to find all of you. It's getting a little crazy, but I'm trying. I will try to find all of you and shout you out in my story. So I'm absolutely loving seeing all of your tribes forming and where you're reading the book and what you're thinking about it. So on the quickie today, I want to talk about who you have to become in order to start creating and manifesting and maintaining the relationships that you want in your life. And this takes me way, way back to when I was first really desiring to hang around with much higher level people. And I looked around and thought, wow, I don't exactly have the level of friends that I would like. And when I say level of friends, I'm talking about either mindset or what they're making financially, where their financial thermostats are. And you guys, it's not as important as what they're making financially, as what their goals are, what their intentions are and what their thermostat is. So I wanted to hang around with people who did not have limitations on their, their beliefs and at the Time. The people that I was with had a lot of limitations on what they thought their possibilities were. So looking around, I thought, okay, well, how on earth do I start hanging around with those people, right? We all have them. Especially if you guys listen to this podcast, you're like, okay, how do I hang out with this group or that group or these people or this person? Like, how would I ever be able to get myself into this friendship circle? And you guys know that I always talk about, it's not just about fitting in somewhere or getting in somewhere that's going to make you successful or you'll finally feel happy or you'll finally feel like you fit. Because that's why I wrote my book. It was about creating your own tribe. But I do believe that there are going to be some groups and people that you are going to become friends with, right, at the levels in which you want. So how do we become the person who can maintain the level of relationships that, that we want? And Zig Ziglar has a quote that says, what you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. So when I wanted to start hanging around much more up leveled thinkers, big, big thinkers, you guys, I wanted to be in groups of people where we never even questioned what was possible, where we expanded our mindset, where we cheered each other on. And I knew for me, in order to get into these groups of people or to connect with these people, I had to be someone that they wanted to connect with. Now I know that so many people have gotten messages, especially if you guys are coaches or leaders, because I have gotten these messages too. You've gotten messages where people are like, help me. Can we go to coffee. Can I be your friend? I wanna pick your brain. I wanna get in your social circle. How can I start being friends with you guys? Okay, when I wanted to be friends with people who were up leveled thinkers, I knew that I was going to have to bring value to the table. So when I say value, it's not that you're value, you're not valuable. It means that in these relationships, you're going to want to bring added value to these people who are so valuable because they have spent so much time making themselves valuable that in the relationship, they don't want to be the only one adding value. You have to bring 50% to them and they're going to bring 50% to you until you can be that person that could bring 50%. They're probably not going to be. You're probably not going to be someone that they're going to want to spend a lot of time with. It doesn't mean they won't want to mentor you or it doesn't mean that you can't be friends. It just means you probably will not get into their inner circle because up leveled big thinkers want to be spending time with with only people who It's a 5050 equal energy exchange, equal value exchanged in this relationship within their most inner circle where they really open up and get really vulnerable. Otherwise what happens is those people who are big thinkers and who are doing huge things in the world energetically will get drained if they are not being poured back into. So who do you have to become to be someone who can bring equal value to this person? This does not mean you have to be the smartest person in the room, right? This does not mean that you have to go and change everything about you. This means just like that Zig Ziglar quote, you have to achieve your own goals. Just achieve your goals, just become you. Just be the most authentic version of yourself and you will figure out what that magic formula is that you are going to bring to other people. You guys, sometimes the gift that I bring into different circles is just to be so goofy or make jokes or hold space or listen really well or give good advice or whatever that looks like in that moment. But I used to think it had to be that I had to learn some, you know, I needed to learn how to. Honestly, I'm going to be totally honest, I thought I had to learn all of the science, all of behind different mindset. I thought that I had to be this expert like Tony Robbins. I thought that I had to be just this, you know, guru that had to add value to people's life. And I found out that that is not how I add value. But I could not do that until I accomplished all of my goals and focused on. And when I say all my goals, it was like accomplish the goals that you desire right now, in this time. You don't have to accomplish all of your goals before you can do this. Just start accomplishing the goals that you desire. The things that are written on your heart, your purpose. Why are you here? Or at least start looking into it. So it's just like that quote says. It's who you become when you are achieving your goals. It's who you become. But you're not going to know who you are until you start taking action. Because again, action creates clarity. So start moving forward. Start becoming the person that you know you're meant to be start stepping into authenticity every day. Which just means asking yourself, what feels authentic to me today? Right? What feels authentic to me today? That's how you can begin. Would this be something that I really want to be ordering right now? Is this really what I want to be wearing? Is this person really someone I want to hang around? Who would I be hanging around? What would I be listening to? What brings me joy, what makes me happy? And you guys, the things that make you the happiest are hidden underneath the fear. So that is exactly where you can look. The things that will bring you the most joy usually come in packages of the most resistance. So in order for me to have started getting into the peer groups that I wanted to get into, I had to become myself. I had to figure out who that even was and what that even looked like, and what does authentic look like to me. And I had to be a person who could add value. And I had to find that by accomplishing different goals, seeing what I was capable of pouring into myself, listening to podcasts like this one and so many other ones, all of these different people that I've had on here, reading books, making yourself a better person who can make people think bigger, right? Really analyzing. Do I add energy to people or am I a drain? And that's a real question, guys, that I have to ask myself. Do I add energy to people or am I energetically draining right now? Right? So who do you need to be in order to truly be a person that the people that you want to be hanging out with would want you at the table because you're adding value? Don't just choose to be a fly on the wall. Be a person at the table who has a voice, who adds value. And yes, every single one of you, even if you're like, oh, I could never be that. Stop it. That is a disempowering thought. And that is an old ass story. An old ass story. Get rid of it. It is unnecessary and you don't need anymore. It's not even yours. Like, that's just a story that you've been told your whole life or from people around you or that you've been telling yourself. So in order for you to become a person of value, a person at the table who could bring a lot to the table, you need to really, really believe that. You need to know that even if you've only seen the slightest little flash or twinkle of magic in your soul, that there is so much more where that came from. If you just start stepping into your truth and your authenticity and go and start surprising yourself by doing a little bit more than yesterday. Go do the tough stuff. I'm telling you, if you guys are like, I don't know, I'm not sure what to do, it's just because you're afraid of doing the tough stuff. So go and do something hard every single day and go surprise the shit out of yourself. It's amazing. That's how I accomplish my goals. I do something hard every single day and surprise myself.

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So, you guys, I am right here with you doing hard things right. There's a beautiful mantra that one of my friends uses and she just says to her kids, we can do hard things right? And the kids say, I can do hard things. So they know we can do hard things. We can do it. We can do it. We're doing it. We're doing it right now. Actually, we're not. This is kind of easy, but it's fantastic. Okay. You could be doing something else and listening to something. So you are, and I'm so proud of you. Okay, you guys, until next time, earn your happy. And I'm so grateful for all of you. Thanks, guys. Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye bye. It.