256: How to Change a Belief That's Holding You Back

Foreign. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I just want to say a quick thank you for everybody who has been shouting out the book, who's been reviewing the book. Because on the last quickie I had asked if you guys would be willing to help me with reviews. And I was so incredibly grateful to all of the people who shouted me out on their Insta stories who did an amazing review. And I shared so many people's incredible reviews of the book A Tribe Called Bliss. Whether you reviewed it on Barnes and Noble or whether you reviewed it on Amazon, I'm telling you guys, it makes such a massive difference to get the book into the hands of the people who need it. So if you believe in the book, if you believe in the message, that is an amazing way to help get the message out. And I just really want to share my deepest gratitude with you for doing that. And I hope that I shouted out your review or your rating. And I'm so grateful to you. So today on the podcast, you guys, I am in Barcelona, Spain. And yes, that's how they say it here, Barcelona. They also say gracias. So it's quite a different enunciation than I'm used to, but I love it. It's absolutely amazing. The food is amazing, the culture is amazing, the people are amazing. And as you guys know, I have been traveling now for three weeks through Europe and at the beginning of my travels, I'm telling you, this is enough to rock the world of someone who really loves their rituals and someone who is really deeply ingrained in their habits. And if I would have taken this trip probably five years ago, I'm telling you, I would have come home 20 pounds overweight. Do you feel me? Anybody with me? So why is that? So today I want to talk about. It's not just that I'm going to talk about so many different things. But in order to change a habit, you have to change a belief and vice versa. In order to change a belief, you have to change a habit. So I'm going to talk about five things that go into changing a habit or changing a belief. Because before this trip I will say that I had a belief that I would not be able to stay in shape or I wouldn't be able to feel good with three weeks traveling to so many different places in a country or in so many different countries where they do not have the same rituals and habits that I have. I'm in a country where it's challenging to sometimes get different vegetables, it's challenging to eat on a schedule, it's challenging to work out, it's challenging to get all the sleep I want and wake up at the times I want. I mean, your world is flipped upside down. So just a little insight to kind of the culture that I'm in is people eat here at like 9, 10, 11 o' clock at night. And for me, you guys, I'm in bed at 9 o'. Clock. So what does that mean, especially when you're traveling with other people? It means that I'm going to have to get used to somehow, somehow figuring out how I'm going to eat at night, how I'm still going to move, how I'm going to let go, how I'm going to totally surrender. So that's how I approach this trip, just with absolute surrender. But I had to change my belief that it would be impossible for me to feel good, to feel happy, and that I was going to feel like crap after three weeks of traveling and not being able to do the things that typically make me feel good. So I was thinking today, what were the five things that had to go in to really being able to stay feeling good? Oh, here's the moral of the story. The end of the story before I actually get to the steps. I feel amazing. It's the last day on this three week trip. Today I walked around with my husband Chris and I felt rested, I felt amazing. I'm on a completely different schedule, you guys. I'm staying up until 2 and 3 in the morning. I'm sleeping in until 11 or 12, I'm moving around, I'm hardly going to the gym, I'm walking everywhere, I'm eating everything and anything that I want. I had beer and ice cream for lunch today. Then we walked 10 miles throughout the day. And now I'm going out to an amazing dinner at 10 o' clock at night. I don't even recognize myself as in. I don't know who I am. The control freak. Lori habit. Habitual. Lori would have wanted to. I don't know, I wouldn't have believed it. So, number one, you have to believe whatever you're desiring is possible for you. You have to believe it's possible. And not just that it's possible, but like I said, that it's possible for you. So in my case, I had to look around and really look at the European culture and say, okay, these people are all eating late. They're having cocktails at every single meal. So at lunch and at dinner, everybody here, whenever I look around in the restaurants, they're having a glass of wine or they're having, having a. An Aperol spritz, which if you have not had one, it's Aperol and Prosecco. And I think that's it. Maybe a little soda water. And it's absolutely amazing. So give it a try. Or you can do just Aperol and soda water. Okay, this is not a cocktail lesson, but maybe it is, okay? So you have to believe it's possible for you. So I was looking around and looking at everybody thinking, these people are all in amazing shape. They all look great. They're eating, they're enjoying, they're having incredibly long lunches, which is more of a thing than the dinners here. And they're eating late as well, and they're just having tapas at dinner, which is just small bites. So let's really look at if this is possible for me. Okay? If I did this and I still walked and I really enjoyed my food and I had dessert, but I knew that I could have it every single day, what would happen? Well, back at home, if I thought that this was possible, what would happen is maybe I would think that if I was eating that much, that I was never going to be able to stay in shape because I would overeat. But what ends up happening is that if you know that you can do this every day and you know you're having an amazing lunch every single day, and you know you're going to have a cocktail every day, which I'm not condoning drinking, but I'm really having you look at the mindset, then you don't necessarily want as much. Because I know that tomorrow I'm having another amazing lunch and I'm having another glass of wine, right? So I don't want as much because I know it's just going to continue. I can have Those foods. I can have bites of dessert. I can have a small ice cream cone. I can do this because I know tomorrow holds another lunch. I know that it holds another walk. I know that it holds more. So it's an abundant mindset. I can have this if I want it because there's always more where that came from. It's not the, oh, my God, I got to fit this in. It's Friday night and this is my cheat night. And I only get it this one night. So I need to get in every single thing that I've been thinking of because there might not be more later. So I really noticed that I didn't want for a lot because there was always more because I was allowing myself to have whatever I wanted at each meal. And the funny thing is, is that I ended up wanting the healthiest thing on the menu with bites of the other things or with one cocktail and getting the healthiest thing with one piece of bread, because I knew that I was going to allow myself more again at the next meal. So I noticed how I just kind of balanced out throughout the three weeks, even though I was eating things totally different. You guys, I'm having pizza for lunch, but I'm having a piece or two. And we're having ice cream sometimes for lunch with a beer, but I'm having an ice cream, a small one, and a beer, and then walking around and then having fish for dinner. So I'm really reframing for you that you can look at what happens when you start allowing. And I started believing that if everybody else was doing this, that it had to be possible for me as well, that it wasn't just me, a one off, that it wasn't going to be possible for. So number two, you have to gather evidence of why it's possible. So this is what I was saying just a minute ago. I had to look around and say, okay, if an entire country or all of these different countries work in this way, why can't this be possible for me? And I'm going to move into number three. Because I gathered all of that evidence and I looked around and said, okay, well, there's thousands of people around me everywhere who this is how they're living. And they don't actually understand how some Americans live. It doesn't make sense to them. Even a gym culture does not make sense to them. Why would you need the gym if you're out and you're moving every day? And if you're walking everywhere, just don't take taxicabs or take the stairs. Just walk. Where do you want to go? Go out and see things. Don't make food the absolute highlight of your trip. Make it enjoyable of but throughout the day make other things the highlights of your day and really start sitting and looking at the joy in all of the different moments. So I had to get really present and look at being in joy in moments that are outside of food and drink.

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So, number three, you have to gather evidence of how you've been lying to yourself about the other belief to keep yourself safe. So I really looked around and thought, how have I been lying to myself, saying that working out and eating a certain way is the only way. And I looked at all of the evidence back home of sometimes when I get really restrictive with myself, yes, I get results. But I also find that I can go back really easily to the pendulum snapping back the other way and noticing that maybe that binge mentality will come in where I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gonna have four cocktails and I'm gonna have a giant meal because I'm. I've been really watching what I'm eating. So of course I'm talking about this with eating because it's just so here and it's now and it's just been such an aha moment to me, to how these other cultures live on the other side of the world. So you have to really gather evidence of how I've been lying or how you've been lying to yourself. And this was so true for me, looking at how I have been lying to myself, that if I don't get to bed early, if I don't get to the gym or move my body in a certain way, that I'm not going to feel good or I'm not going to feel like myself. Where I've just been mostly walking here or doing some in room workouts, moving my body for short periods of time. And I've been able to stay in amazing shape. Not just amazing shape, feeling great. And that's been so huge to me is if I feel feel good, then I make better choices. So gather all of the evidence of how you've been lying to yourself to keep a belief and a habit in order to keep yourself small or to keep yourself safe. Number four, you have to look at why you may be afraid to believe that something is different. You may have to look at why you've been believing this other belief. Because what could happen if it was true? Right? What could happen if it was true? And I know for me, that would mean, oh, my God, if it was true, that I don't have to go to bed at a certain time in order to stay this way, or in order to keep my life moving in the direction that I want, or in order to feel productive, maybe I could live a completely different way. And that kind of rocks my world. Because that would mean I'd have to say goodbye to different things, or that would mean I would have to say goodbye to certain structure, or that that would mean that I would have to surrender. That would mean that I can't control something in a certain way. And a lot of us are so addicted to the feeling of control that it's really scary to start thinking about surrendering. And a lot of us like to believe that control is important because we tell ourselves that if we are not in control, things are going to go wrong. But that's not the case. Surrender can actually open a door to something that could completely rock your world and change your life. So sometimes we keep ourselves in that belief because surrender seems scary. It is uncertain. Control seems certain. Surrender seems scary. Sometimes the certainty can be keeping us in something that isn't actually making us happy anymore. So if that's the case, that's where massive surrender has to come in. Number five, you have to do that thing, that habit or that new belief for as long as you need until something shifts. So you can't just go and do this for a week and say, I'm not really sure. It felt like I was going in the wrong direction, you guys. This is week number three for me. And let me tell you that as week number one went on, I was like, oh, this is too good to be true. It's not going to last here. Here we go. I'm going to start feeling like crap. I'm going to start making bad decisions. Like, really bad decisions. I'm going to start noticing that my clothes don't fit. And then I would say, nope, let go. Surrender. Just keep moving. Eat what you want, but eat in moderation. You know, another meal is coming. Just let go. Enjoy. Enjoy the culture. I do not want to go through my life saying I said no to these things because I was afraid of what could happen because I'm so structured, you guys. More than anything, even more than the food, it was releasing the bedtimes for myself because I was like, oh, my God, if I don't go to bed, I'm not going to feel good, I'm not going to be able to sleep. And what was happening is my body was staying up later and I was waking up later, and I had to let go of the feeling of if I'm not up early, I'm not productive. Well, if life is going later here, why do I need to be up early? Could I actually let go and question that and say, maybe I don't need to be up early. Maybe I could let it be okay for three weeks if I woke up at 10, 11, or 12 in the afternoon, if I'm out late every night, if that's when life is happening here. So week two, same thing happened. I was like, this is too good to be true. Am I. Is it really still okay that I'm waking up late and going to bed late? Is it really still okay that I'm eating all of this bread and I'm having wine for lunch? Is it really still okay? I had to surrender and let go and say, you're okay, all is well, all is good. It's okay to sleep in. It's okay to do these things. And you guys, it's week three and it's turning out that it's been okay all along. I'm using this because I had some serious beliefs around structure around bedtime, around what I needed to be happy, and it's simply not the case now. Am I going to continue this at home? Probably not. I am going to take parts of it. I'll probably take a good 30% of this and apply it to my life in such a beautiful way. But because my. The culture does not work this way at home, I'm going to take the things that I love and work it into how things work at home and the things that I like. So I'm going to see what sticks, I'm going to see what doesn't. I'm definitely going to apply eating more foods that I love without fear. I'm definitely going to apply letting go of bedtime and needing to be up at a certain time. If on the weekend I don't have something coming up, if I'm feeling great and I want to stay out, if I'm really enjoying the moment and something is going amazing, why don't we just let that go? Let that ride, let that in. If you don't have something that you have to do. So if this is not your case and you're not very structured, then maybe you need to be structured. Maybe you need to do the opposite of what you've been doing. But whatever you do, if you want a new belief, if you want a new habit, you have to completely do something new for long enough until you feel an internal mental shift. And if you don't, then you're not doing it long enough. And the thing is, is that when you're doing the opposite, it's gonna feel so counterintuitive that every single red flag is gonna go off and tell you to go back to the way it was so that you are certain and you are back in control. But what's gonna happen is come into that moment and you're going to need to say, it's okay. All is well. Surrender. As long as you're not overdoing something, overindulging, pushing your limits beyond what feels good. If it feels good, explore it. If it feels good, explore it. So, you guys, tomorrow I go home and I can tell you that I have a just multitude of lessons that I have gathered from three weeks outside of my element, outside of my culture, outside of my comfort zone. And I will say that I will make sure that I do this so much more often. At the beginning of the trip, I even told myself that three weeks was too much. What am I thinking? This is out of control. And now I'm like, why did I believe that I could not do this for three weeks? What made me believe that I could not do this for three weeks? That it wasn't okay to go and relax for three weeks? That my businesses would fall apart, that my world would crumble, that my body would go to crap when that's simply not the case. Challenge your beliefs, challenge everything you believe, and then do the thing long enough until you feel a shift. And you guys, I just want to say thank you so much for tuning in every single week. I'm so appreciative of how many of you shout this out on your stories or on your Instagram or on your Facebook or share this with your friends. Because I'll tell you, it's the only way that things get out. So if there's a message that someone needs to hear and you want to share this right now, or you want to text this right now, you want to share any of the episodes, it means the world to get the message out. And you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it. That would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.